I dun even know what title to put.

Haha. This is ridiculous.

am i not clear enough?

initially, apart from potentially getting anyone hurt, i've always believed posting up screenshots of messages on public spaces are rather rude and uncool. but this person, who is full of confidence of himself would probably not get beaten down as he's gonna "get stronger each time".

well, i guess i'm considerably good coz i actually made extra effort in cropping out any details which could potentially identify whoever the person is and put him to shame.

just so that he will/shall know, the plan was to really be ignorant and condemn / abolish / outcast his existence from my surrounding to prove that the philosophical Theory of Existence in which saying that Existence is based on one's seeing supported by the affirmation of another party, becomes applicable since everyone else is in unity. however, his loathsome presence is really starting to freak me out with hist constant feigned ignorance. last night, because i've overlooked the possibility of him creeping to my reach through the main-est mainstream social media, i was unpleasantly surprised and v upset to be reading yet another of egoistic words since i really thought that i have been crystal clear.

but i guess today, with his ego blinding the legitimacy of having that bit of remaining common sense to get him through the day, his perseverance in whatever pursuit he's are trying to attain is really starting to take a toil on me. just so that he knows (and hoping that he's got that bit of conscience left), he's really evoking a sense of fear in me; so much so that whenever someone taps me on my both my shoulders from behind (coz thats how he freakishly used to do that to me), i go into fight or flight mode. 

for the record, with years of trng from my sporting career, i guess my SA (situation awareness) is probably above the normal average person. so, he who kept looking at me during lunch despite being outcasted to another table is really make me feel very uncomfortable.

and so today, i managed to muster up courage to actually verbally confront him in the face. 

why the need for courage is coz i dont like to be personally confronting such matters in which i have to be mean to get my point across. however for this case, i'm not concerned (at all) if the person i'm confronting would be hurt coz conversely, that's actually my secondary aim. however, i realized he still didnt get it and i'm really very appalled by the level of ego that he's got; when of course, conversing with han over whatsapp is probably one of is surreptitious plans to get to me. am i right or am i correct.

this is to a point where i think its hilarious. well its good coz the msg neither irritated me nor upset me coz it just allowed me to explore a whole new level of how egocentric one human being may be. well again, if posting screenshots is bad enough, i guess it would not really matter that i'm posting an indirect secondary screenshot since it would not hurt ur ego that's made of kevlar.

u know, i'm genuinely starting to get freaked out because he is starting to get really eccentric.

and though i've verbally threatened him that i'd be bringing this up to the manager, pls note that this threat is already underway.

hahas. the funny thing is that this morng i went to see mr xxx aka the manager for my pass issue. 

so since i was there with han and ril, might as well just preempt him again. 

so i told him "Sir, got person harassing me leh, can i report to you ah?"

and his reply was (with a straight face) "i believe u are able to tackle him on ur own".

haha. it was hilarious. that confidence he has of me.

but it contained some truth. well, though i dont think that with this rational state of mind i would resort to physically rugby tackle him down with brute force coz any form of physical contact with him is just gonna be filled with disgust; i would probably be intangibly tackling him by really making this a case if he doesn't quit. (he who is reading this now may change this paragraph all to a second person's pov, so as to serve as a warning to him)

on a relative side note, haha. originally, i've typed the whole chunk above as a second person's pov (u you ur) to u. somehow because i just didnt like the idea that it would mean that some form of communication still existed between... the person and i, i made the extra effort to change all the 'u' to a 3rd person pov (he his it); though it would mean an slight decrease in an oomph of this post to portray the level of angsty-ness i'm experiencing.

hahas. well, i've got my 24/7 personal anti-terrorism single-man unit on standby, combined with the commando, guardsman, and policeman of those around him. (pls take note). yup, it may sound like a joke, but i hope he doesn't try anything funny (again). i mean serious, and i want this to end coz i want to have good memories of my 1 yr trng. well actually ironically, as a whole, this is actually a good memory because of him, the batch is more united. 

---

ok. this whole episode really made me think of you alot alot more.

i mean, also, to 'investigate' the cause of me accidentally sending wrong signals, i re-read some of my posts for clues. and i found that that i've (still) been blogging bits and pieces of you despite consciously deleting paragraphs about u after regretfully posting them up for less than an hour.

and because usually, all my emo shit uses the second person's pov which could sometimes mean more than 1 person, i guess he might have used it to fuel his ego and belief that there was even anything going on between us.

well, this whole epiode also did help me to internally distinguish what i like, what i dislike;

to mentally have a better understanding and probable acceptance of the fact that i have always been in denial for certain matters, running away and still choosing to escape from the 'what is' even though this run is not only exhausting, but pretty much hurting. 

and what's more, with this wk's focus on all the reoccurring b2 topics of the nav and comms, really made it challenging to keep my focus. actually, i realized that we've covered significantly alot about aviation. hahas. the lights. the 787, magnetic north, the towing, the cfm engines, the sharklets, and even the ULB replacement in which i think u may have forgotten.

too many coincidences. and despite all that, i'm still trying to cope with the belief that u're gone and then suffer with such an intolerable gap.

hahahs. talk about the collection of SOEs man.

ok. this is too mentally exhausting. i am gg to slp now.

up and away

what a week.

dun feel like blogging coz i'm actually feeling more emotionally drained than physically. however, did so many things and spent time with so many ppl that i wanna share my happy moments.

lets start with... the PH!

thank God for yet another PH that fell mid-week on wed.

felt good coz it was not too long ago with the last PH on a monday. and so, brought some of them out to climb! supposed to climb at Safra Yishun. we met up there, but it rainnnnedddd. so we changed venue. ok. actually, i have to confess. i had like 3 other trngs to choose from. i could /should have gone for the shanghai trng coz the tournament is up this wkend, but i chose to follow my heart.

i mean also, the climb outing is a pre-planed thing in which my scheduled was book earlier. hahahs. so yes. legit.

we did quite alot of climbs actually. from 1pm till 7pm man. hahas. of course with much rest in between.  hahas. most of us enjoyed bouldering alot too. first time my fingers are starting to ache and bruise from all the climb. glad to be able to clear that blue 6A+ route that i didn't manage to clear b4.quite a tough overhang route, but really glad that i managed to clear it while Ril belayed me. 

ahhas. ahbangJames also joined us in the end (from yishun). most of the climbers came over / went to Onsite coz of the bad weather as well. really glad that my bros enjoyed the climb, especially for those who dont usually do this often.

ok, it was supposed to be climbing cum pizza hut date too coz of my severe craving for trying the dunowhat cheese pizza at pizzahut after seeing the ad on newspaper a few weeks back. but then, smart herman suggested to go Bugis to have pizza hut thinking that there's an outlet there. ok all of us, tired and hungry, just went ahead. and lo and behold, there no pizza hut luh.  :(

so we ate fish and co. i mean, its nice, but its ex. we could have eaten at astons back at kallang wave mall.

ANYWAYS. idky i'm bloggin in such detail also. ahhahs.  but i guess coz of the (still) tight budget i'm having, simple lunch and dinner are becoming big decisions too. 

but yup, it was fun. daniel joined us too. new climbing friend. ahhas. 

climbing is one sport that really brings random ppl tgt.  fast game.

fast fwd... SATURDAY.

went climbing again. initially didn't want to coz my fingers were still hurting quite significantly. but since the weather was good, brought yuxin to go climb at yishun as promised. glad she enjoyed herself and starting to be interested in this. hahas. 

didn't really climbb alottt as compared to the sessions at Central. however, the 25m wall, aka the tallest rock wall in sg was enough to kill me. did 3 other routes, and didn't managed to clear 1. generally, the routes at yishun are more technically challenging. stuck on the route for quite some time as well. and with the dynamic rope, each time u fall off to rest, u drop about 1.5 steps down depending on ur belayer. hahas. after climbing at Central, getting too spoilt alrdy. 

and guess what, we had free abseiling! safra having this promo for safra members. all of us managed to do it for free coz we got free passes from another climber who helped to tighten the handholds. 

 speed read and it becomes "you are mentally challenged if you proceed"

hahas. coz we had to spend some time waiting for our turn.

i think this is my 2nd time doing such things. another time was at msia while i was in secondary school. 

the scary part is getting off the platform. its just like auto belaying, the scary part is always the first step. after that, u'd be fine. 

always wanted to join the army/uniform group coz secretly, this is one of the things that i dont mind doing over and over again.

16mins $1. didn't do it coz....

spending money on this was more worthwhile. HAHHAA. so much for #eatclean #fitfam. but ok la, sun was hot in afternoon. did a few challenging climbs for the day.. so ok, justifiable.

after that, its naz's bday surprise at downtown east. hahahs. 

knew some of them previously from naz's camp stuff. previously she's a camp instructor. got to know the girls through a camp that i helped to coach touch football... the yr i got some serious sunburn over at tanjung leman. 

photo taken at 4am i guess.

initially didn't plan to stayover coz of trng the next day, and didn't wanna leave mother poon at home alone. but well, the circumstances from all the games did its damage. 

didn't wanna drink such amounts ever since last yr i abused alcohol to drown my emo sorrows. 

initially maintained well, until i kena the last King card - to drink the mug that contained a mix of all the alcohol on.the.rocks. and one of them brought this jap whisky that was very strong.

so yes, riding to the chalet wasn't a legit reason not to drink anyway. ahhahas. so for very legit and safety reasons, i stayed over till next morng. 

well, i wanna claim that wasn't really drunk coz i could still recall sporadic episodes of the night and the deepest darkest memories that surfaced from all the alcohol. but nonetheless, naz told me that that i kept saying random technical terms like 'speedometer' and duno what else, while han told me that i msged him weirdly at 4am. so i guess, i can't really deny my state of soberness. 

glad that i didn't do any other external damage though. 

next morng, woke up, wasn't that bad. ahhas. still maintained. no headache, just feeling abit wasted while feeling awesome that trng cancelled. unwillingly spent $4 on mac breakfast coz i was really hungry while feeling that my response/reaction was slightly in the delayed format.

since some of my batchmates went cycling in that area, managed to meet up with them. 

hahahs, if i had known trng would be cancelled, i would have joined them. 

though it was a short lunch, it always feels good to just chill and lepak with them though its under the void deck (inside joke). hahahhas.

and so, after not bathing for over 24hrs, i went home, bathed. FINALLY. ahhahas

lepak, lazed and procrastinated at home till evening, before gg down to Conrad for Raymond & dawn's wedding!!! :D

quite a pity that i didn't manage to get a shot with them. known raymond through bowling. both of them have been tgt for 13 yrs. one of the most sincere and emotional wedding.

their speech was like freaking heart melting. really loved their pre-wedding vid by moomedia. one of the most elaborate i've ever watched. 

ahhas. but yea, their wedding is a reminder that true (eternal4eva-and-ever) love still do exists. hahahas.

also really glad to be meeting some of the bowlers. haven't met them for over a yr. have known some of them as competitors-turn-friends for almost 10 yrs.

ahahs. ya. so that was my wkend. supposed to be in philippines, but i guess when one door closes, another one opens happily for u as well. so in a way, i'm glad to be able to be in singapore for the wkend.



work. hahas. the 4 days of see-see-look-look phase has ended while we begin M11 - aerodynamics, structures.... can't even rmbr the title. but its a 108 qns exam. actually, its more bearable as compared to materials and etc coz this is really all about flight dynamics and the ingredients that support the all amazing fact that u can carry 400 people through the skies at 1 go.

 and thanks for the gift from my ex-collegue who went to Boeing for a work trip all the way in Seattle!

yup.

so that's my wk and wkend.

--

today's a monday. didn't really have a good start coz the usual irritating person continued his pursuit in getting me frustrated. as i know u're still gonna be reading this, get lost pls. if hiring a hitman was legal and legit, i would have done it long ago.

anyways, not going to waste time on insignificant things.

somehow along the way, didn't quite recover from everything. probably also from the residual alcohol in my system, topped up with red wine from the evening. hahahs.

actually, despite having such an positive #yolo kinda week, the emo shit kept surfacing intermittently in the pockets of time when i'm neither physically nor emotionally occupied. i'm just gonna blame it all on the red flag. 

today planned to gym with han at the SRC with our membership approved, but we didn't feel like it. hahas. so plan failed. well, i mean it was raining and all. not that the rain had and effect on the possibility of gymming, but let's just say its the monday blues effect.

wanted to go cut hair coz my hair's in a mess. haven't cut them in about 3-4 mths. but the shop was closed.

so came home.

honestly at this stage, i really want to put everything aside but the memories seem to come back to haunt me. all kinds.

last friday, because i had a thought that since running away / escapism wasn't seem to be working out effectively, i came out with a solution to face them in the face. ok, meeting up with the whoever persons wasn't gg to be a splendid solution, so i thought of reading previous messages all the arguments and quarrellings, hoping that they'll serve as a concrete reminder to why things cannot seem to work out. 

bad idea.

i guess everything fueled the flame into a fire and unlock some unwanted happy moments which messed up my progression of my road to recovery. just now, with the wet weather and a heavy heart, i almost succumbed to a bad temptation. ok, my bag has a pkt of cigarettes. haha, WAIT. they are not mine. as i'm helping han to fend off his quite bad smoking habit, he has finally allowed me to confiscate his pkt of cigrattes (planned to last for the week), and only to return to him tmr morng when i see him. ahhas. the irony. help him quit, but then i start. but NO LA. never. have to stay faithful to my true belief that smoking is bad for my health and fitness and that i dont have finances to support habits that have no value-add to my life. 

played the guitar last fri night till about 4am. been long since i've done it. was abit challenging and felt different as my fingers have undergone changes from all the climbing. 

For You I Will (Confidence)

hahas. thats the main song for the night. old song but emo shit.

i'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence i have

for you i....

   wont.

so i guess that's how it should be.

all the remedies.

all dont seem to work.

but i'm also glad that since its M11 now, the excitement keeps more focused.

well, at the end of the day, i'm back at blogging. this is probably my best hideout though i've chosen to make this still a public space.

well.  明天会更好  i hope.

circling

hah. what a drastic non-rugby weekend.

since i did not have to go trng on a sat morng, bye game for the Womens, and the league ended for the Mixed, i went.. Kayakingggg!

hahas. slept only at 5am after lepaking at rif's void deck with han and him. rif got into an accident... self-skidded.. which left him with bruises and a swollen ankle. sigh. hope his ankle goes gets well real soon. one of my fav teammate edna also just sprained her ankle real bad. hope she'll be fine real soon as the tournament is 2 wks again! we need a miracle in here.

and so, sat morn, 9am at ecp.

did the covered top one. was able to do it coz ah huat got his 1 star recently.

first time kayaking i think! i did the open top for 2 person per boat one before i think. cant rmbr.

dont like sand and sea very much. ok with it, but doesn't excite me much. hahahahas.

wasn't easy. coz of the smooth undersurface w/o the stabilizing edge to give balance to it, it was so difficult to row in a straight light. i think for every 3-4 strokes, i was starting to travel in circles.

weak core and sucky lower back muscles didn't help much. 

3 hrs in the open sea with james was actually quite chillax. though the sun was hot, but it was manageable with the cap, sunglasses and sun screen. time to get my 1 star the next time round!

i look like i've got big arms here. must be the life jacket + good lighting. hahahahhs

after that, we went down ifsg to support coach kelvin's open house.

they've recently moved to a bigger place just 1 blk down.

i highly recommend all my rugger friends to go there. its not the usual crossfit gym. its a strength and conditioning gym that focuses alot on the technique to grow stronger. and there's more cool equipment now. so, if u're tired of ur usual boring gym stuff, do join us! hahas

after that, we went window shoppping.

omg. i think this is the first time shopping for the whole day w/o any buying purposes. went army market and velocity. i want to buy this hypergear 20l waterproof bagpack but its like $128. 

saving up for a atas Mission Workshop waterproof bag too.

ahhas. bags are my weakness. though i've got heaps and heaps of them, i still can find a usp for every single bag. usp = unique selling point (marketing term). hahahs. such a disappointment for my self-control despite majoring in business marketing.

in the end, bought this to protect myself from the cold, should i trekk in the cold again. $10. wanted the black one. couldn't find it so i got this. apparently its the US marine one. hahhas. went to another shop, saw the same black one for $6. so i got it. hahas. weak. 

probably the atas version of the one above at the outdoor shop in velocity.

$89. no. no money to buy this.

i will get this eventually. it really really protects u from the cold. after rinjani, i've learnt many lessons, one of which is not save money on gears that will protect u from the cold. 

in the end, bought a pair of long pants for $72 for climbing. always wanted to buy one of those convertables where u can use it as shorts too, but its either like $120 and above or too big.  so i got it using my savings. didn't regret it coz i'm pretty sure i'll be making good use of it. Marmot brand

current amount left in the posb acc: $4.57. ahhahas.

good news is.. TOMORROW IS PAY DAY. 

and then it rained.

and the we had a nice warm teh halia at ecp again where i left my bike there while he drove.

and all these while, i'm still not fully recovered.

the cold really made my cough like mad. 

this morng, there's the secret trng on going. wanted to go, but i didn't. hahas. there's a fine line between an excuse and a reason, and i guess i was on that. i mean, i was well go make it down, but wasn't feeling well enough to be doing runs and fitness in the hot sun. so i chose not to push it.

went climbing instead. 3pm climbed till 7pm. till my arms didn't wanna climb any further.

so that was it. 

totally spent my wkend with my bro in law. we've never been this close all thanks to rinjani. hahahs.

probably spent more time with him than my sis who's busily working at retail hours.

life at work has been too pleasant. after the mad project, we're into 4 days of see-see-look-look of base and line. hahas. for me, it was more exciting to see some of my colleagues feeling excited.

i mean, i'm still always excited and feel in awe of being so close to the planes despite working in the line for about 1 yr plus. the feeling not as extreme as the first time, but still makes my day.

yea. next up is the 2 heaviest module - Gas Turbine and Aeodynamic. the amt of course notes is almost 1 box worth of A4 paper, coz i guess the co is not very eco friendly to print 2 slides to a page though on double side.

will try to be more patience in class too. ahhahs. thinking of ways to optimize my time in class as well. 

okok.

planning to do a simple Bromo or Batur year end with the ah bangs. still deciding whr to go coz we're looking for something abit more adventurous. 

needa start saving up. 

so yea. was riding back today and thinking, i guess we should only focus on thats that matter, and think about things that matter. since everything about nothing is just miserable.

Proverbs

Now at cell, finishing up the series on Proverbs.

" He who is often reproved, yet stiffens his neck,

will suddenly be broken beyond healing."
29:1





"Be not wise in your own eyes;
 fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.:
3:7

Pls stand clear.

I've never been so mean and direct to anyone in my life but this is getting too much.
Initially, the bluntless came out with gd intentions to make myself clear. However as of now, they are meant to cast u away.

Really. U are a big disappointment. Not just because of all of those shit u've been putting me through,  but how u've 'contributed' to ur grp for grp project. I guess i'm in no position to comment the effort u put into the grp project vs ur individual project since i didnt work directly with u because ur ego will just give an excuse in which u think its legit. I dont understand how can u leave 1 guy in lurge to just do everything. Leader ah? u sure u know whats it all about? U dun have to know what being a good leader is, just know that as being part of a group, u must have at least have an intention to get things done whether u want to or not. Being physically unwell will not be a good excuse coz on the same day, though my physical body was shutting down and probably running on a higher bodily temperature than urs, i did my part. Not because i'm damn zai, but because i wanted to. Honestly,  this was a surprise. I really did think that ur ego would drive u to want to do everything coz only u would trust urself and ur work. But i guess i was wrong.

Ok. Just fyi in case u're too oblivious to ur mistakes. For practical, before bending,  u've gotta at least file the rough edges. U didnt. Ppl using the shear machine also filed, but u who used the hacksaw didnt bother / over looked /or think that ur sawing skills are flawless. No excuses because theres a huge difference in quality. Any bimbo with a pretty dress and painted nails w/o any technical knowledge can tell its shit quality. Ya u go on blaming others and argue that its not u who did it or whatever,  but let me see... u the leader? Or the quality guy? I cant rmbr, cant bother and dont give a dam. Besides, if u are the leader, its not because of the amount of how right u think u are in all situations, but its because ppl do wanna give u a chance to at least prove urself or contribute in a way u think u can. But not only u didnt work tgt, u did not deliver. Ok yes, by now, pls know that the whole class has some issues with u. Some ppl have kindly talked to u, i dont know if u've recieved the msg, and neither do i want to be bothered if u get it, but just to note, u really gotta let go of ur disgusting pride.

Now, i'm not saying this with good intentions for u, but its on behalf of the class, of myself, and for the company. I dont want any accidents to happen due to ur ego and self calculated assumptions especially when we filter into the industry. Its not about u but about the people around u.  U can carry on shining the boots of whoever that's above u in the hierarchy chart, just dont get us into trouble by using us in ur attempts to elevate ur perceptual status of ur character in the person's mind in whatever u may want to establish. And if u think all these is because i notice / care for u, i dont. Its because it really irritates me to see my collegues/ friends / bros / ah bangs be so stressed when with u..not because of whatever reasons u think may boost ur confidence / ego, but u are 1 person we cannot trust. Pls take note.

To add on, stop using ur religious understandings as a direction for me because they are clearly what u think and what u want of me; because u are consistantly having ur own assumptions to many things, either that or using google as ur reliable source of ur self-proclaimed knowledge, it really turns ppl away. No doubt, some of the things u do may  technically be better by a thin margin, but pls do understand that there are 2 sides of the coin and ppl around do have brains, knowledge and definely more work and life experiences than u. The world does not evolve around u.

We've given u many chances. We've sent u countless signals. And I think the class as a whole has done well in being patience and tolerant. Pls be of mindful and think of others instead of u and urself. To add on, biblical phrases and teachings are always in context. Pls dont use it to promote whatever kind of individual ideology u're having.

For the record, i have never typed so bluntly nor dedicated 1 whole fckstrsting post to a person. And since ive done it and even typing everything on my mobile, pls make use of this advice. This is not just my thinking, but many others are in agreement with me. I hope this irritates u or anger u to evoke a positive change for the good of those around u and for the outcomes ur work which would affect or implicate living things. I hope that u can stop being resilient towards such matter because it all goes to show that u are unwilling to let go of ur pride.
Again, i have to highlight that i'm taking this effort to say all this not because i care for u, but for others.

Wake up or just get lost.
More importantly severe all comms with me. Thanks. Ur effort will be greatly appreciated.

tested and unproven

selection results out a while ago after trng ended.
i did..... not make it.
hahas. of course sad is sad, disappointed is disappointed la. it seems that all the hardwork, effort, committment and sacrifices gone to waste. but i guess that's ok.

otw home, each time i have a bad trng, i would take a slow ride home, via all the small roads, avoiding the expressways. today, i went in circles and took exceptionally long. amk to bedok in like 45 mins. hahas.

life is 'never fair' when its not in our favour.
but really, who can really define what's fair?
i mean in sports, lets say u've got one player who's always 100% at trng but sucks in her skills, and on the other hand, u've got a star player who's rarely at trngs. with the weight of the title of the championships resting on ur shoulders, at the final game, who would u field in?
hahas. i tried to blog out all the permutations that's gg on in my head, but i realize, there's really no end to the discussion.


anyway, it hasn't been a good week.
could actually sense the foreshadowing forces right away on Monday, the moment i walked towards my bike.
my seat and tankbra were scratched by the neighbour hood stray cats.

and since sunday, i haven't been physically well. theres the flu, cough and occasional fever.
and ya, i must congratulate myself for surving today.
today, there was like
- Project submission
- individual journal submission
- Presentation
- exam

all in one day. for the record, they dont go well together in a day hor.
and the best part of it all is that we started doing the project on the evening of the day before submission. it's not like we're last min ok. but this whole project wasn't guided or taught at all! okok, i'm not expecting to be spoon-fed, and to booast my TP-marketing-PBL-trained ego,  i like challenging projects where there's no guide. However, we would be eternally grateful if from the beginning, it was explained whether if the theoretical part of it would be taught or at least explained abit.
dont leave us hanging.




But yea. Its been looong since i've ton the night. Only had 2 cumulative hrs of slp. Amazed that i made it alive today. Haha. But glad that i'm managing well emotionally. I guess all the past failures have allowed me to become used to such... stale feeling. Sigh.



ahhahhahas. fell asleep..

what knowledge

been trng and trng and trng.
selections for the Philippines trip is on going. the team trngs are like weds and sats, plus mon, thurs, fri gym/conditioning session. ytd was the 2nd and last round of 7s games for the selections. mad tiring, especially when its like 845am at pulau NTU. though it was cloudy, but the sun seemed to shine through... so + the haze and humid weather on astro turf + no shade in between the games, it was really really draining. after which, went to queensway to look for boots with ah huat coz i started using my new spare one (always have a new pair on standby) before having the women's game in the evening.
was so so drained towards the night that i didn't even feed my cows and pigs on HayDay before concussing on the floor till this morng 10am. thankfully i managed to bath before that.
didn't manage to go for the secret trng this morng too. didn't even plan to climb. that's how tired i was.
besides, with the haze, my throat is starting to clog up with occassional coughs + drippin' nose today.
ya, and to add on my subtle misery, my nose bled like crazy in class last fri towards the end of the day while playing Bejeweled on my phone. what a wrong time coz i was like hitting high score liao. sighz. hahahas. perhaps too excited that's y. HAHAHa. jokes. but like what mother poon will always say for everything that happens to me (even sometimes when i show her my blueblacks....) "leuh chin juat liao" - translate: you too heaty already.

ok so, just trying to count and and make a record, i think i have almost 11 or more trng sessions per week for this few weeks.

mon: team gym; then shanghai trng
tue: tpx touch trng (try and insert own gym before)
wed: contact trng
thurs: dance rehearsal, team gym
fri: team conditioning / cell group
sat: contact trng, womens game, Mixed game
sun: (secret trng) + i try to go climbing


ok. so now how to climb more / execute my dinner catch-ups with long lost friends man!
sometimes i get confused with which day is what. so yes, i still very much rely on my hardcopy schedule book.
but ok la, not really complaining coz life is all about choices right.
it's not that torturing also coz there's short term goals to work for.
1) to get selected for the philippines trip (25 oct).
2) to be ready for the touch tournament  (1 nov)

but honestly, i'm not really hopeful for the selections after last sat's rounds of games. didn't do quite well and plus, with the addition of extra players who have been having consistent sch trngs with the experiences from the last club 7s games, its really getting abit more secretly competitive. so far there's about 30 ppl here and there and... only 14 to be selected. gonna maintain the expectation abit so i dont get too disappointed when i dont get selected; but still continue to train hard at least for the up coming annual Club 15s league.


hahahs. just bravely posted this on instagram:

Hahahhaha. Feel quite narssistic and shy to post this kind of #fitfam post. Honestly, i have a relatively weak core and i'm not those slim type of girls.. haha. So this is an example of the power of window lighting. taken in the morng and of course before eating. But ok, to give myself some credit, i've been trying to eat clean from mon-thurs (a good start coz i really really love eating). Been quite easy to do so this wk coz:
1) i've been cooking my healthy lunch in e morng to bring to work (riding on mother poon's groceries in the fridge) also thank God that i like eating vegetables. so it makes my #eatclean plan more pleasurable.
2) super low finances b4 next pay day, hence no money to buy snacks (even gotta think twice b4 spending on milo peng)
3) have alot of trngs for these few week and trying to dilligently fit in own gymming sessions.
4) i love to climb. So whenever i have an empty time slot, i try to climb.
5) + its practical days for this work week! ahhas. almost likka gym session with all the filing, and shearing of metal. ahhahahhas. (vs sitting in class and almost zzzz)
Ya. So better take a selfie before this shot becomes impossible.

lotsa bruises too. in and out. though i've been playing rugby for almost 4 yrs now, sometimes i'm still amazed by the amt i bruises i get just from trngs alone. cannot really see in this photo, but its not a good view and u dont wanna see it any way. hahahas

also..... HALIMMMMMMMMM.....

Though this is a very unglam photo for the both of us, but it's his last wkend at CCAB. :( 

the guy with the isotonic drinks. 

when i asked to take photo with him, he said "i'm already missing u all girls" #brfcwrugby :') (other than the usual "halim!!!!-1/2/3/4/5-cans-pls" conversation)... 95% of my isotonic drinks consumption at ccab comes from his fridge. He's the #1 name whom we all call after a tough session of trng. Its like, he's been there ever i started contact rugby. I'm sure u'll be very missed much, and especially after our trngs. Hahha! Take care! 

ok, so that was my life-balance from the work-life-balance life; ending off with ms jeannes' bday celebration / cum tp-gathering at biopolis st. 

onto work.. as mentioned.. this week is practical week. its just for WSQ competency certifications. some of us alrdy has it. so its just a repeat.

did these before at attc, so nothing new, but this time its more purposeful at least there's there theory application-bit of planning / cost management to this 'project'. needa think about the materials used, cost, and delivery of satisfaction to customer as noted in the practical sheet though it doesn't seem to be a huge factor of this whole trng.

always love practicals.

we're supposed to make this rotor box. we made a card-board one first as a prototype. 

the first time that we're working in groups, also together as a class.

yup. so that's about it.

ok, secretly skipping one of the (i wouldnt say which) trng to climb this wk. coz i just needed to. feeling abit emo and frustrated with things. but had a good session with stanely with kat joining in later. completed quite a few techincally challenging routes which i hope to do so again.

yup. so that's it for this week. hope i'll be physically well tmr to carry on with project / practical and plus the wsq paper tmr. shouldn't be a prob i hope!

ok. some thoughts and life lessons this week, focusing on... knowledge.


by oxford definition, knowledge is:
facts, information, and skills acquired through experience or education; the theoretical or practical understanding of a subject.

been seeing how people / players grow and function.
i've come across some sportsmen / sportswomen whom started out their respective sport as a rookie, all new to the sport, having zero clue even about the basics or even the rules of the game.
initially,  its all about the learning, about the humility, about the falls and then the standing-up-again phase.

as time goes by, ppl do get better and better. they start to positively challenge themselves. sometimes not only themselves, but also others. well, its a good thing because challenges pushes people to perform even better by overcoming their fears whilst trying to focus on their goals.
however, i guess this comes to a point where the subset of humility seems to shrink as the knowledge circle starts to widen. then, gratitude and appreciation for the sport and for the people around, whom are the block-builders seem to fade away. its not like there's and expectation to physically express the appreciation, but there's this negligence of gratefulness. then, i do wonder if the learning curve starts to slope downwards whilst being blinded with pride, ego and assumptions.

the bible used a figurative speech by using a fruit of the tree of the knowledge of the good and evil. basically, its about God telling Man not to consume from that tree, but Man still took it anyway as a symbology act of sin. then with the knowledge "your eyes will be opened", along with the whole concept of sin and all the biblical teachings that comes along with it.

ok, i dont wanna really go on talking about how the acquisition of knowledge leads to sinning and stuff like that, but i just want to highlight that sometimes, with the additional knowledge, it just changes people. and most of the time in the process, people around gets hurt just because they choose to not say a thing / suffer in silence.

well, i mean having knowledge is not a bad thing la. its just how put it into good use, and not using it at an expense of other's well-being. in the process, the slower ones get left behind, some make it eventually with persistence, but unfortunately some give up because of the negative gap that's forever expanding.
perhaps that's how the world is, how the fight to struggle persists while trying to survive in this world. and just like inflation of the mass markets, the rich get richer, while the poor get poor. but really, what are we trying to proof? what are that tangibles and intangibles? how are we weighing the factors and what's important to us as individuals vs the importance of the team / community?


i guess each of us have our own measurements and scales.
hahha. discovery channel's advert on one programme about duno what assimiliation theory just played something like.. "we think. therefore, we are."



-


and ya, to another u whom u've just sounded out to me that u're reading this space, pls give me the distance i need from u coz its really very very... uncomfortable. pls dont think its a distance to make things better eventually, but i just want to get away from u in total. sometimes though u may be right at things, u need to give the respect others deserve and stop putting urself as first priority. and if i have unknowingly send wrong signals to u, pls note that other that the last post, i have not blogged about u (referring to all other ambigious 'u's in this site). i just think that u need to cast ur pride aside to be able to start seeing things differently. really. stop thinking that there's something going on between us for i've been super clear and i have no idea how much clearer i can get to u. pls stop reading into things and implying all ur own assumptions. pls stop forcing me to be a mean person. because of ur ego, i dare to be truthful. so i hope this is clear, and i do want to make this whole trng process more pleasantly memorable.



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hahas. jokes.
the paradox of life.
the pains of the odds.
may the odds be ever if your favour.

keep on moving

this week has been quite a good and jam packed week.

after work, i'm having almost 2 'programs' on on my schedule. i guess w/o my schedule book, i'm sure to be lost man! also gotta fit in our own gym sessions coz got spot check! hahas

monday had dinner with some of the ex-collegues. they treated me to this atas italian restaurant at Grand Corpthone. so atas that i was almost barred for my attire. i guess the staff was like into stereotype mode; he let in this ang moh who's wearing slippers. though i was wearing safety boots, at least its covered shoes with long pants k.

anyways. had a good time talking together. 

no photos. coz its supposed to be likka discreet thing. hah. actually its more coz the lighting was bad. 

the atas food is not too bad, but for that kind of price, i think its not really worth it. the tastes of mother poon's doing is much better.

work trng this week was erm... hah, full of free time. coz now its the 'practical' lessons, where we dont actually do the practical, but just go through the theory on the practical. super boring. but i'm trying to make good use of my time by reading up more about aeordynamics. love this book alot. this is from the library.. wanna get it but i dun think u can get it elsewhere. Saw it first at attc library thought.. i'm not sure if i'm allowed to borrow it home to read, but i did so anyway. No matter how tempted,  will still return the book responsibly. If u read, the way the author writes the theories is like having a commentary about it. hahas.

also trying to prepare for the gas turbine module though we've not started on it yet.

but got abit bored so started drawing! ahahahs. reallly #toofree man. probably one of the most complicating things i've drawn in my life. this drawing really teaches me to be patience.

got confused abit along the way. not the exact representation as i did not bother counted the no. of fan blades. the bottom part of the engine supposed to be of the same length as the top but i cant be bothered to edit it. hahahs.

did it in about 3hrs. was rushing towards the end coz its time to go home. but still ok. hahas.

secretly, this is actually dedicated to u though in this state of where we are now, u wouldnt be appreciating this effort. but good job anyways. at least it looks technically complicated though i have no clue on most of the parts i'm actually drawing. hahahahahahs.

happenings in class... hahahs

some of us hanged out at the airport on fri evening. quite nice to have h2h talks at T1 viewing mall. got to know so more them more on the personal level. 

after my league on sat, went to watch the TAD guys' friendly soccer match.. they're trng for the upcoming cup... heard that Line Maint has been the defending champs. whahas.

and after that, the batch met up again, having Arnold's chicken for dinner at hougang's outlet. quite nice to see some of their gf/wife... they were like "finally there's some ladies in the group". -_-" hahas 

after that, suppered with a tub and sticks of ice-cream under the void deck coz some of us are self-proclaimed melayu-s who like to lepak one corner under the void deck. hahahs. so much fun.

usual wkday trngs on going in the evenings. a normal busy trng-then-league saturday. 

weather was kind though it poured on Sat morning during the selections.

as for climbing..

i spend 13hrs at Kallang Wave mall on sunday. the day started at 7.30freakingAM can! 

whahas. was at a climbing competition. first time they're having such a 'league' format. should have participated! instead, i volunteered to help out. hahas. got selected to help out at $8/hr. so not too bad, at least it helped to make ends meet for this poor month. whahhas. how timely. also learnt alot along the way.

really nice to see young ppl climbing so well... and the older ppl climbing so pro-ly. got very inspired.

after the event and the packing up, had dinner with ah huat before climbing. and for some reason, perhaps its the whole climbing vibe from the competition, we had a really good session that evening. 

looked really happy to climb. this was taken last week though. whhas.

and thanks ah huat for the handmade paracord! really like it. actually is i ask him make for me. wahhahas!

and today... PUBLIC HOLIDAY HUAT AHH.

had a  longggg good sleep that i had double eyelids for the whole of today.

in the later part of the morng, had secret rugby trng with coach ****** at SA. whahas. really enjoyed ourselves though the sun was kinda getting hot + the haze coming in. long lunch after.

and then, i dilligently went to gym. ok, i signed up for Anytime Fitness because:

1) the gym is 24 hrs and it can suit my crazy schedule

2) it is not as crowded as other public gyms, so the free weights section doesn't get hogged up by big buff guys

3) its less that 400m from my home. probably the only place that i would walk the slight distance from my bike as i should decide to park at my house downstairs.

4) its $88/month. not that cheap. but cheaper than those commercial gyms in which i dont have time to go for those foc class activities. 

also, just to be honest, i cant afford my fav iron fitness gym. as its quite far from my work/home, and also because of my tight schedule, i can't sign up for the monthly subscription; while i can't afford the individual sessions as its abit pricey for me. but honestly, its one of the best strength and conditioning gyms in sg. if u're getting a decent kinda pay and seeking a fit lifestyle, do check it out there. they've just renovated and the place is so much more awesome with more creative kind of work outs. 

after that, met up with mother poon for dinner at bedok mall. and guess who saw me and called out 'marian pooon!'

hahahas. :) one of my pri sch fav friends. ahhahahs. even mother poon recognizes him as he came over to my crib to celebrate my bday back in the 1990's. hahas!

we had a quick chat/catch up session, in front of mother poon. wasn't that awkward though. but after he left, mother poon asked "does he have a gf?" HAHHA. good try mother poon.

but hmm... i guess its kinda 'safe' to say this now.....  well..... coz while we're in pri sch and our age were probably still in the single-digit format, we kinda liked each other. wahhahas. call it puppy love or what, but it was kinda hilarious + a tinge of good feeling to look back and think of the times we wrote little letters to each other. no, we're not together. probably too young to know what does it mean to be in a relationship. but he's definitely one special friend to keep! hahahhas

bought this today with mother poon.

always hoped for a pandora bracelet coz of the super cool designs like planes, tortoises, ballet shoes and stuff.. but NEVER wanting to start it coz it can cost up to like $60 just for 1 freaking small charm. doesn't make sense. so i got this. 1 charm for $1 (i can buy like 60 of each ahhhahhs). not the most fantastic designs, but at least there's a Cinderella carriage and tinkerbelle #closeenough.

in total, it cost $10. oooook la. abit redundant but at least its not those rocker-ish wrist bands i have. 

wasted money on another jar of nutella just for the free small keychain. (actually have 2 more un opened jars sitting at home as my ex-collegue got them for me knowing that i love to eat nutella). but it's getting abit overkill. nutella party anyone? ahahhas

gym programme part 2. carrying all the groceries home as mother poon's fav metal trolley is BER - Beyond Economic Repair (engineering term) hahas.

ahahas. so that pretty sums up my week. really thank God for the public hol. but i guess i'm gg to regret it tmr by still blogging at this time. 

actually wanted to blog about this super irritaing + egotistic guy in class who has confessed his feelings for me. i didn't initially coz i think its just redundant; never wanted to blog about such things coz i mean, what if he stumbles across this space and read all about it. but because he's really sooooooo full of himself, i can really dont care about his feelings coz he's ego is probably his remedy.

i feel very bad saying all that, but if he should read this, all the more good, because even though i have been super freaking clear that i do not have any feelings for him, he still thinks that there's something going on between the both of us, to a point that it is seriously becoming a big joke.

not to be bhb, but of all the guys who have liked me before, this one really #lastwarning. so much so that i have to make and extra effort to remind myself  not to be so mean and to be more considerate and mindful his feelings, which i still honestly think he's able to deal with it.

ok, for the record, the class hasn't been kind to him either. i mean, initially, it started off as just some of them trying to be protective over me, in a joking manner kinda way. but it's really getting... erm.. purposeful coz he really.doesnt.get.it.that.he's.gotta.chill.on.the.i-am-the-smartest.thinking.

ok, no doubt, he's got a good knowledge on aerodynamics. but he realllly gotta maintain man.

i mean, for the good of him, we really hope that he realize this soon otherwise if he starts working and really gets posted to line maint, he's gonna get seriously gan by the seniors working there.

i mean, who in the right mind as a trainee tech would teach a 10 over yrs B2 engineer how to crimp a wire, or a lecture another lecturer who's got a Masters in dunowhat relevant discipline. hello. 

in this case, its really appropriate to say... pls know what ur stand man. or at least, think how to phrase before shooting all the knowledge u've got to the ppl around u. with or without humility, the delivery is big difference.

ahhas. for the way i've blogged towards the end of this post, it feels like one of those posts when i was a teenager. but really, if u do ever work with him, u'd understand the frustration of this. 

i can really go in detail but i wont since its just too outofpoint,  and i wont be mean since it had no value-add to anything also. 

i guess because of this, been thinking of a person whom i shouldn't be thinking. sometimes though i'm so so tired in the night, i can't slp but toss and turn till i force myself to close my eyes and succumb to the darkness all around.

ok. enough of this emo-angsty shit coz its time to zzz before i really suffer tmr. 

thank God for this week.