My quote today: Never believe what u see on the water's surface. =P

Quote no.2 : What is essential? It's invisible to the eye.. It's only with the heart, that you can see rightly... (frm a hot number, "Weekend" - Scooter)




from sis.

friendster has this blog system.
blogspot is gonna suffer.
but. shall be faithful and continue to blog here. friendster's for me to explore.

basically.
after sch, sam and i stayed back in class to do smtht to the classroom floor to prepare oursevles for april fool's day.

first period- english.
gonna be interesting. wasted. i'm waiting for april fool's day. sadly.. tournament after assembly tmr.
yar. so be prepared.


today's my last guit lesson.
also, the mark of the day which i have to try to not switch on this com.
try to be like in sports sch, i heard, only have time to blog on fris or sats.
but will come back to blog when i need, desperately want to.




tmr. last 3 games.
last 3 hopes.
after which. looooooooooong pause, until i have the time and that need to bowl.


read wyl blog. it kinda me me oh-ya. u need that trust. u need that faith. on the balll and on the lanes. in a tournament. its the mental. the physcial becomes a fraction of wad's happening. trust it.


"blaze the lanes" -garyq.230305.
keeps running through the neurons.



" I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus" Philippians 3:14





thanks jere,
thank u-

i've nothing to say.

let down to coaches, team, sch, friends.
the team was on low moral.
and again, we're beaten down by our mental strength.




kim says that i'll be playing guitar this sunday. i not sure its sunday sch or main service.
sounds like main service, but for sure its junior service.
i wanna serve God.
but. mama wants me to go for some ancestors thing.. so i can't make it.
i feel so horrible. so ugh.




sumatra earthquake again. and also bcoz of sumatra, singapore's safe.
singaporeans are paranoid.
but seriously. within 3 mths, 2 major earth quakes. 9.0, 8.7. one wif tsunami, one w/o.
are there signs?


singapore keep offering help.
will that trigger the terrorists to be up in their slevees again?


o levels.
prelims willl determine our first 3 months. arghhh. blech. total shift of 1 wk lors of my supposeddly study plans whichi dun think i'l follow.
so ugh. why.

so many thigns are happening today. this wk. erk. i cannot tahan.



haiz.
sotong came down today. its been a long time man. hmms.
haiz.
i have to sigh and vent. i really felt like killing someone after tournament. i totally cannot perform up to my standard. totally.
50 pin avg diff. wth. its like all the trngs are for nothing.
we really should stick to cathay. we have that teamwork there. we have that confidence which is now fading and diffusing out away.




fri last 3 games. won't help much. unless i get a 200 avg. so yar.
i have not given up. but. i have lost that trust.
we'll see. we'll see.

60 days.

> minus 14 days for mye. = 46
> minus 7 days for preparation = 39
> divide by 2 for slping, eating... etc.. = 19.5
> minus at least 5 full days for sch/ outings/ church.. = 14.5 days
> minus 1 day for us to succumb to temptations/ fatigue.
>>> THEREFORE, we have 11.5 days to seriously study for chinese o levels. on the 30th may.



and it hasn't hit me.


that importance.
that weightage.


right. really. no point ranting, complaining.
i wanna be a happy person. yes. my thumb hasn't recovered. but who cares. i really wanna put away everything and just focus on winning that quartet. after fri. then will be full force into studies. no more 1 more day or wadeva crap.


looking back at photos, blog entries. no doubt, i have changed.
loosing that confidence to do well.
loosing that discipline and determination that pushes me
i succumb to things easily. too easily. and therefore, life becomes too slack.


i wanna be bz bz bz again. i like it. i wanna take alot of initiative. i wanna priortise to the max of my abilities. i wanna at the same time, reach out, spend time wif friends. i wanna be that bz person again.



toking about priortising, i'm stuck at the fork of the road. not knowing whether to go for church camp or for the lit seminiar.
i have many many things to pray for.
i must continue to hang on there. to put on a gd gd fight. for His glory and nothing else. i wanna make music. i wanna push and feel that heat.



and i will run and not grow weary for God is an everlasting God.

doubles partner- dawn.

i bowled badly today. again!. why why why.
during trng everything seems to be alright. y issit during tounrnament that i cannot be on my form, not talking about performing better than usual.

156 126 120 108 137 178.
see the gradual declining.
i cannot deny that yes, today, i'm happy for my attitude for bowling.
after the 5th game, 7th frame, rmbred wad gary said. to blaze the damn lanes. and of course, my ball, monster slayR will perfom on dry lanes. so there'e not reason for me to bowl horribly.
and yes, i fought back. i'm happy with the attitude, but overall. sux. yar.

had a price to pay for the last game- my thumb. the recovering skin is now left dangling.

anyways. ms tan was nice again today. she bought us food after the tournament. so ate and went back to sch. and now at home.


yar.

for the past few days. have been dancing alot. fri from 1-7, sat from 6-11. yar. its for the Spirit move dance in easter. i thank God for this time of fellowship and hard work. it turned out all good.

i think God for good friday's service. very meditative. thats what i need. learnt alot biblically.

i thank God that my com is now currently recovered from all the virus. and now i can blog. yes.

oh wells. quartet even coming up.
can't seem to escape the topic on bowling eh. we have to really fight all the ways lor. even if its not for overall, lets jus fight for quartet event. at least we can have something. yars. i'm tired. slpt throughout chinese today. lao shi undeerstood me nad allowed me. i'm touched by the many ppl around me.
there few days. can't seem to stop thinking of * when i'm not doing anything. really pray that i'll be more focus in everything i do lors. am really tired. tests after test. oh wells.

this is life. love it. live it. what more can i ask for?

thanks to bowling. yes. its that dangling this which can cause big big probs in m future. think about it.

there u have it. the sa ruggers!. one great team whom we all should learn from.

jia lat. jia lat. jia lat. jia lat. jia lat.


134 140 114 118 124 154.
how to win???
so terrible k. so long nv bowl so crap.
avg 130???!!
cannot find my line. found it, lost it.
and the lane also not say a difficult oiling.
thumb split open, had pass all over skin patch. blood started to be seen.
then pain.
wad's new, ankle being hit my bowlign ball again. not so severe this time coz of poor follow through.
no balance
no rev and speed.
timing out.
no focus.



singles sure no hope to win already.
now its doubles. with dawn.
then quartet. must win at least quartet.
get into masters.
get 3rd overall.



argh. screwed.

today was uber fun. super cool. totally.


was the emergency exercise. i thought it was those norm, boring fire alarms. but this time its way too cool.

okok. at 1115pm. there was a gun shot. and annoucement by principal that bio lab 2 had explosion and had fire. could see the reflection of the fire flames and smoke. super cool.
then that marks the stat of my duty.. be a runner for mrs esther ng., head of liason.

ahha. super cool.
then its like wakie talkie and all.
drama club girls had those makeup for injured ppl. i think there was 1 casualties. SJAB was invovled in reviving the patients. then drama girls were all over the sch, some fell down, some badlye bruised. some dead. ms lau was an injured bio tchr. had those bloody make up on her face.

super cool.
then later fire engine came. then ambulance. and motorcycles and police. and literally came rushing. then the fireman pulled out there hoses towards the bio lab. and all. i was running around helping and all. passing documents and info.
the office had 3 or 4 charts. casualities, missing ppl and traumatized. i think. ahaha. super fun. then whoa. felt to impt and all.

"roger. head of liason send out! over!" aaahhaa. sooo cool.

ms wong was the irritating reporter and kept asking q, bugging staff. then wad's most cool is that, parents from ptsg was also involved! they played along, so real that i got freaked out.

one incident, i was conveying a msg to a parent. that her daughter has been found. she asked wad's happending downstairs and all. i said ppl died and casualities, injuries. then she "oh no," grasped her mouth and kept asking where's her daughter frantically.
i kenna shocked. basket,.. her acting skills super gd. then the music rm was the sick bay.. then she ran down, i accompanied her..then she saw her daughter. and she cried.. kao. i kenna freaked out. soo real.

sjab ppl were helping out.

"head of ops head of ops! fire put out 12.10pm over!"
" copy right. missing ppl still missing over-!"



at 1220.
"all missing ppl are accounted for. welldone. over-"

super cool lor. was tiring. and in awe.



mean while all students were in the coutyard then to the hall. whole procedure was about 1hr. super fun.
coz there were also parents trying to breakk into sch, frantic for their child;s safety. then whoa so real..


"head of parents lisaon team. is mr lim a contacted parent? over"
"head of liason. no. no. no. over"
"head of gate control.. mr lim is not a contacted parent. do not let him in. copy? do not let him in. over"


ahahha. super duper cool...


then saw those fire man running in and out. there were 2 cameramen filiming the whole process, st pat's sec staff and moe staff.

after all.. there was a press conference. and whoa. then got debrief.
all was so real. too real then we naturally played along. there was this tense atmosphere and all. super cool.










this is the best emergency exercise i've ever had. everyone was doing her part. everyone was busy.
i wanna be a fireman when i grow up.
a doctor as well.
okok. i know what i wana be. yay.





----


after that. sch ended. then went to SJI to support SA ruggers. he didn't played. but its ok.. but andrew, nigel, able played. andrew was gd. nigel was amazing lar. guitar pal so tough on the field, a rare sight. ahha. then able was fast. he's gd.
as usual, St andrews won. but wasted. it wasn't a nil score for their opponents. they looked disappointed.
and wad amazed me was that.. the whole SA rugby team stand in 1 straight line, facing us, and bow to us. to thank us for the supprt. so touchign man!!!!. argh. can't stand it. ahha.


if only our bowling team was this teamwork-y.




tomorrow is it!!!!!!!!!!its my nationals. with an injured thumb which is starting to split ope. reallyy duno how am i goonna survive. 8am it starts at victors. haha. so early man. i hope i'll be ffresh lor. hoho. its like in 10 hrs time!!!!!!
we got our shirt today. thank God its 80% settled. only payment abit screwed. but yea. i love the shirts.







i really wanna win. i wanna get a 180 or 190 avg. aiya... somthing that's above me.

ok. interesting.


was cutting cardboard wif penknife.
with force and speed.
then cut through my left index fingernail.
part of the nail still left dangling.

wad's scary is....

i can't grip things... let alone playing guitar!!!! i'm v sad. i guess i have to skip this thurs' lesson.

but thank God its not the right hand.



update: the wound on the right thumb spilt today. so yea. dun think can be ok by wed. so goona use skin patch and super glue. and lots of grip powder. sseee howss...



hoho. startting to screw eh?
tmr emergency exercise, t shirts coming around that time.. then ppl haven pay up. so yea.




*prays hard.

hoho. i'm super screwed.

wad a bowler wants to be before a tournament is to be in gd condition for it.

and wad. i've injured my thumb!. there's this big blister.. which burst when i didn't care about it during trng. i think i pulled too hard? hoho. die die
i cannot even lift the ball. take about carrying the ball to loft it.
and unlce Jack instructed me to pull the big skin off. so i did. and guess wad. aha. there goes the skin patch. was literally replacing the screams as laughter lar. laughing like hell, pulling ms tan's hand and biting my collar, and uncle jack applying that flamable liquid onto my thumb wif a stern face. simultaneaously. ahha. terible. worse than salt on wound lor. its like acid on open flesh. literallyy.


wad's scary.. is... its on WEDNESDAY!. hoho...


this suxs.

seriously. its my last year. its a crucial year. and also, on wed, i exgravated my ankle by hitting it again. accidentally lar. like whamp!. arghs. its blue and black and green and purple now. eek k..
i have 3 days to be mentally and physically prepared. hoho.


Dear Jesus, u really have to save me this time.
i do not want to disappoint the coaches, the teachers and the sch. argh



i guess i've over bowled. yes. pray for me. need ur prayers again. thank u.





on another note.. i can't get tix for tml planet shakers. management added 200. but all sound out. i'm sorry to all. really hope that u all understand. ok. shall not elaborate.


i've been reading my july 2003 and march 2004 posts on nationals. i think i've beem reminded of the setting i'm gona be in. could see that was confident and cool in july. march was freaking out., aha.hmmm... chilll~




BUT


i'm worried. very. the brain can't think of any studies now. (double die)^2

today went swim and gym wif ulrica. had a gd time.

after that was the planet shakers concert.
the music was gd and all.
however... i need to blog about some stuff..


yea. the electric was cool. the speaker could juz lift the electric up and play smth. the drummer was pro.
ervything was juz a reminder that ther is a God somewhere. coz its like.. a "temporary feel". when u're inside, u literall surrender urself to God, but once out of that tent, it becomes norm.
its like..
they make u have the feel. the music is juz too awesome. not sure. everything juz seems a reminder to me.. sermon didn't really touched me. juz a reminder.
but i love it. i love that feel. i jzu love to worship Him. i think this kind of thing is gd for youth and also new believers. super rock.
i'm waitjing for sonice flood.

haha. anyways... i gg bowling wif leticia at 1230 tmr. yay. then after that trng. then cell diner. haha. so about 5-6hrs of bowling straight. ahaha. gd. my last day of trng.
i hop ethat it'l be a gd one.






must win.







RETURN TO INNOCENCE
By: Enigma


Love - Devotion
Feeling - Emotion

Don't be afraid to be weak
Don't be too proud to be strong
Just look into your heart my friend
That will be the return to yourself
The return to innocence.

If you want, then start to laugh
If you must, then start to cry
Be yourself don't hide
Just believe in destiny.

Don't care what people say
Just follow your own way
Don't give up and use the chance
To return to innocence.

That's not the beginning of the end
That's the return to yourself
The return to innocence.

i've got the feel.


yea mans.
today trng was uber great for me. i could get that feel back.
but have this feeling that it will not be there for fri's trng... but pray that i'll really go over my limits during tournament.
today trng exceeded 2hrs. the management forgot.. but after 2hr 25mins, uncle jack told us to stop. ahah. 3 ppl 2 lanes. and there goes unlce jack.."loft the ball! loft it".
yea.


hands were shaking.
legs were trembling.


never pulled so hard b4.


haha. but anyways. i thank God for today. this mornign went to the hospital to check up.. my back. haha. the doc said it's alrght. the pain might be because of over straining it. so yea. thank God.



regina reminded me smth. chinese o levels. yes yes, ahha. 8 wks!. i'm scared. i'm not done wif sec 1. hoho. save me.



anwways.. march hols are coming to an end. terribly fast lor.



this morning, i was early for trng. sat and watched. kevin had 9 strikes in a row. at the 10 frame, could see he was pressured.. so [0,7]. wasted lors. then was watching. acsi right, whole lot of them ahd super gd ball speed. on the right was acsi, on the left catholic high. catholic high, from wad see from the top, had a few bowlers wif speed. acsi, the whole lot of them. ahha. uncle billy's their coach. yea.
inspired to have that drive. yea.


its coming
its coming
its coming!!

Boulevard of Broken Dreams

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's f***ed up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah
Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I walk alone
I walk a...

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...







hols start. fears start. challenges start.

i'm lovin it.

looking at that keychain... -Positive attitude does wonders- , it reminds me of the attitude i shouuld have. dun even have time for dance practice lor. am in the church dance for easther. hopefully can learn the steps asap. long itme nv do hip hop. anyways....

i brought my electric home. i'm goona play alot tonite. make new solos. find out new stuff. gotta learn all alone. wanna be ready for teens time. haha. nigel's fast!
hmmm.

i guess this public blog is like public. juz dun feel like typing down on certain issues. but anyways.i just pray that God will show clearly His ways to me as i continue to seek Him and not drift away. be it my future, my relationship and all.. juz pray that i'll be in God's hands lor. i just feel like bringing more ppl to the church. i want them 2 know there this God out there. they;re missing something gd man.
the church on the other hand, to me, its like different. i miss those times we had those big brown tables where all of us can be there fellowshipping. then dennis' office is so near... like at the entrance, where there is a water cooler and public phone. the youth room is gd lar.. but i feel that it becomes a "storage" room whereby ppl put their bags in there. the room should have an objective to be there. like maybe a room for doing paper work or like sorting out worship stuff, reading or smth. then not all ppl goes there. so its like some ppl might feel distant or smth. yes. i miss those big brown tables where we dump everything there. so cozy feeling.
yes, its the ppl that make up the ministry. somehow or rather, the feeling is diff man. hmm. but on the other hand. i'm glad that more ppl is coming in.. so near to sajs sas sajc and all. pray that they'll see that there's actually something omi^3 in this world.


anyways. for the hols. i'm fully booked.
so yea.pray that i'll have strength. thank u.

the days are approaching.

and i mean days.

- 12 days to nationals.
- 54 days to ballet exam.
- 79 days to o levels chinese paper.

12 days is not enough to get back on my form.
54 days is not enough for me to be confident. haven learn character dance yet lor.
79 days. phew. haven seriously start sec 1-4 work yet. hoho.


as u can see. its hard to priortise.
today's trng. regina was my doubles partner. got my form 15mins b4 ended. haha. so i closed all my frames all the way until 4th frame.. lanes offed. so sad.
on the other hand,
dear zen got a 236. ahha. 6 strikes in a row, not sure 8 or 7 in a game, one pathetic pin-4 open.

after i read Zen's blog
, it motivates me to motivate ppl.
haha. i just love this girl man. really. when we;re in sec 1s, we're e only pathetic 2 that didn't get into the team. and both of us worked really hard.

but anywyas.. the bowlers in my team..

- Regina
- Dawn
- Marian
- Zen.

i'm glad that reggie, zen and i are in the same team though. i miss sam and lyn. esp sam. i just love her. she's always there when i'm sad or havingprobs wif my capty stuff. she's the v capt u see. yar. juz love her.
i miss her.



well. the t shirts are stressing me. the $$ is stressing me. gotta collect like $1850 in like 1 wk. lucky got donna to help out. bking of the buses, releasing of students to go support is like all have to talk to ms tan and mr jega.
so many things to do. i juz hope that i won't go senile. but seriously, i'm missing mr lim!!. with him, i just had to mark attendance and to edit the super irritating admin stuff. btu will new tchr i/c, everything is like by me. hoho. and sam's not playing for nats. so its like... i must thank zen. she's been helping me wif alot of stuff.
when the shirts arrive, which will be the day b4 our tournament, all the money must be there. if short of money, he say cannot give me the stock. hohoho. i'm praying very hard now. *cross fingers.


i think alll this busy, hectic, urgent, irritating stuff is sort of drawing me closer to God. i thank God for it. coz i'm turnign to God for help now. and yay!. rejoice. to the devil. hars. give me more stress, i'll be closer to God. muahahha.



and this is what i call challengers


my target aim avg. for nationals is a 190 avg. i wanna get liek top 5. if better top 3. it very very difficult. need lots of luck. aahah. but pray, as nothign is impossible. set higher goals to push myself. i'm lovin in.
"if i ain't gonna beat em, join em"
phew.

love blogging.

just met up wif gary to give him he's designer signboard. ahhaa. for his bday, from sara, yuan ting and i. haha.
haha. like some stock exchange.. he returned me my bag wif the marianne chong bk and some stuff, and i gave him the stuff. ahhaah. "yi shou jiao qian, yi shuo jiao huo". grown up. VJ liao. Vs boy and now VJ. haha. really thank God for such a person whom i can confide in. feels like some brother who understands me better than my blooded-sister.




-

anyways. something just happened. 10.40pm.
yes. i'm happy. there's this inner joy.
=).
he.

-




anyways. i must continue to fight harder harder and even harder. for i shall be a solid rock. that stands firm in God's plan for me. for i will repel the winds and the rains. will never be eroded away.
ok. i feel poemy now. thanks to daniel ong who shared this wif me..

" We do not return to you, mother,
Because we never really left. "



the sacks that we carry,
the pains that we burry.
will be scarred there.
will be embracked there.

for thy fire still burns deep.
like a glowing splint.
if brught to a little oxygen,
that colour will shine for all to see.

but for if thy burning splint,
that is thriving,
meets the hydrogen,
"POPS!" there goes our dreams. our light.

we'll fight on with thy hands and feet.
we'll fight with our mind.
we'll fight till the end.
we'll fight good.

oxygen- God.
Hydrogen- streess.
when will the oxygen be there?
-always.
















hmmm. thank u guys who is faithfuly tagging on the left. these little msges really make me happy!. thank u so muuch. :)






Fight on Marian, Fight on...

Happy Birthday mummy!


time time time.
i need time.


full focus on bowling now.3 mroe trainings to nationals. Victors Superbowl. marina south. gd steam boat. but dry dry lanes.. fast changing lanes.
and guess wad. we're in Squad A. THE first squad to kick off then nationals.
no offence.. but schs playing in the same squad are

- Tanjong Katong Girls' School
- Fajar Sec sch.
- cheung cheng High (main)
- Jurongville sec sch.

hars. some schs that i didn't even know that bowling existed. oh wells.

my squad timings:
Singles: 23/3 (wed)- 0800hr
Doubles: 28/3 (mon)- 1500hr
Quartet1: 30/3 (wed)- 1330hr
Quartet2: 1/4 (fri)- 0900hr

need your prayers for our sch.

we have to win.
we must.
this is our only chance.

not being solely kc-bowling-team-minded, but i think this is a gd and strategic time.
ok the following is based on my thoughts and nothing else.

so far, kc tennis, netball, badminton, swimming(?) is out. left like bowling, sailing and track?
sailing.. heard that they are at the basics. and mr jega didn't expect much.
track, val periera is in sports sch. the rest...haven heard of any outstanding ones yet. =)
wad i can say is that sailing, bowling and track have to fight for the school. for the gd name of katong convent.
we are not excelling much in arts either. yes, there is that emphasis by the sch- niche in arts, but lackig of concrete achievements. SYF is coming. all the best to dance, drama, CO..
as for uniform grps. have to say that they're doing pretty well.

if bowling wins, the cca will go on. our history will still go on. mr jega will be happy. bowlers won't be discriminated. more pp can be groomed to be bowlers in the sch.
we need to. we are craving for that victory. we must have that confidence that we can do it.
we can. but we keep saying nvm.. keep giving reasons. keep being soft on ourselves.

listen up and listen hard kc bowlers. we really need to push ourselves. no time to procrastinate. wad we've been training for is here. we have to maximise our strength. show what kc can actually be.

even if we loose, even if the lane conditions are not in our favour. we have to put on a gd fight for the sch. and for God. even if we loose, we lose victoriously. get it. its that passion and flames that keep wanting to burn out. to show the light and ain't got the opportunity. this is the time.



this year's nationals means alot to the bowlers. to us. and to me. it determines the fate of kc bowling team.



ok ok. i've said my part.
as for studies. i really want to thank those who've msg me. those who supported me. its like when i feel like running away, the phone just beeps. its amazing how God works.
i have yet to get back that precious relationship wif God.
anyways. mrs sng is gg really fast. differentiation. 2 days. 1 chapt. hars. i dun understand lors. so was in class, saying mrs sng, i dun understand wad u are saying!. she sort of scolded me. she was like."never ever say that to teachers you hear me. i know u are frank. but never ever say that to tchrs".
so ok. apologised. guilty all over me. but i guess that's that wake up call for me to re-draw that line again.
i miss mr lim. so much. he's the source of hope. it's evident in the bowling team. many can testify that.
anyways. the stress will keep building up. no matter wad. it is how am i gonna face it. have to find time, make space to seek help. and major serious help. ppl are juz so busy.time is juz to liminted and precious.


i'm tired.


and i will never get that much needed rest till June. march hols is packed. i can' wait for june hols. i hafta restore my energry to move on at a much faster pace.
on anoher note, mrs lim, who hate me, wanaa see my mama on sat. but yea. mama's gg church to help! hars. so cannot!. but she';ll just ask my mum to ask me to study hard. REDUNDANT LAR.
i failed 3 subs. chinese, chem and elective. ahha. well. this shows that i'm actually "on the righ track." coz these are the 3 subs outta 9 that i'm not gonna count in my L1R5.
however there's this so called perfectionist, so yea, hafta stuyd harder. i wanna see all that -one-s in that slip.

ok. i'm gone.

phew.

tired. madness. gg out. ytd came home at 12.30am. today 1.15am.
well. that settles 30% of the outhings i owe. but yea. i need this period of time. to really step back and think.
hmms.

first time. - duno wad to blog.

wad i can say is that. i'm just very disappointed with myself, as well as the bowling team. it somehow feels incomplete. its that ~airy~ feeling againt.


that emptiness. that shell.




i really do want my dad back.

argh. this is so irritating. ppl have dads and i dun have. weven worse. ppl hate their dads. horrible.
really need a funny character in the house.

anyways. spiritual dryness hits again. dessertification. rock hard.
dun even have that faith. no focus to pray to seek Him. but juz wanna thank pppl who sent me msges to spurr me on. really made me think.




i feel like writing poem.... ok. craps. here goes lit student...





one cut. another. and another.
pain is inflicted.
the heart quenches with satisfaction.
but the body, in pain.

the mind's wallowing itself.
the hand ain't gonna control.
and there goes that sharp spear,
slices though ur thoughts.

for a while it may seem satisfying,
for a while it may seem too good.
but, big Papa is watching over us up there.
do we feel guilty?

breatheless. no time for water.
no time to withdraw.
keep pushing, fighting, yearning, longing
for that big Os.

wad if the Day is tmr?
will i regret about my spiritual dryness?
will i be accepted?
am i worthy? am i?

the heart aches and the mind hurts.
ppl go. suddenly,
all that emptiness fills u. and there's nothing.
nothing which can replace that hole.

a leader. a follower. a listener.
ppl push u hard. down.
are u resilient?
be that pebble, that rock that would stand firm.

but wad is all these stuff?
does it really screw the soul?
for thy soul is empty.
thos art thou even hav a soul?

wads in the name?
for thy flower will still smell as sweet.
thy lips are creased.
and thy eyes are never dry.

the end is coming.
the world is fast.
i too tired.
just to tired to hide.-

-


gotta chill it.



-





89 more days. that is to chinese written.
within this:

> bowling nationals tournament
> ballet exam
> church camp
> termination of guitar class


but.


i want to thank those who msg me.
those who've helped me so much.
those who've tolerated me.
those who've sacrificed much.
those who've spurred me.
those who've encouraged. and
those who've challenged me.






-




listen in stillness. thank Him.





Glorify Your Name

Jesus Jesus
Holy One, God's precious Son
You gave

Jesus Jesus
On the cross You took my shame
Forever from my heart I'll say

I live to worship You, Lord
My King of glory
Brought me to life
Gave me wings to fly
You are holy
Heaven and earth declare Your praise
Both now and evermore
I glorify Your name

Jesus Jesus
On the cross You took my sin
Forever from my heart I'll sing

You are holy
Glorify Your name
Jesus Jesus Jesus
I glorify Your name




-



i will not procrastinate.
i will not succumb to tiredness.
i must push myself.
never attempt to obstruct me.





thank you.








For thy rose will still smell as sweet.....