the pee-riot.

actually i've got alot of things to blog. happy things too. abt this wk end.
the high-light of it is that we won bucks, 63-0. (:


but.


its the pee-riot wk.
so i'm just feeling all emo-ish girlishy and all.


so i'm not gg to post anything gibberish now.

one kick

not feeling too well. probably the cny snacks getting into me.

hahas.
just wanna say this..

ytd during team run, at our danger zone, i attempted to kick! hahas.
though it was a shit kick which resulted in a lost of possession, i should be happy coz at least i dared to try. ahahahas.

was on defensive line but they lost possession, so i had the ball and since we're down on man, i was alone when i got the ball.
hahas.


they got up to me and i was half half about kicking. but i saw the space behind since there wasn't any rovers, and if i went in alone, sure even worse.
so yes, i kicked! hahahas. secretly self-happy about that shit kick. ahhahhas. (:

key point: idea was there and i tried.

(:


but ytd. my whole boody seemed to be crumbling down and my head was spinning. warm-up was really hard with the flu. but after i was warmed up and physically more into it, it was better.


ok. tmr's the game alrdy. the start of the season. go Blacks! fight for what we're made of man. and i pray that all the bad sick-causing virus in my body will just die.

BB 9790

it's amazing though how small on this earth i may be, God has my life all planned out.


ytd,i went to cisco for interview. ahhaas. i think the position is in of staff man. the pay's quite low, but at least is not an office job.
so at this office, the door smashed into my hand which was holding on to my bb phone. and it dropped flat face down.

yep, the LCD cracked. hahahs. i was like.. ooommmmggg. could see a long crackline diagionally across the screen, causing it to be all white. ahhas. that was the end. so much for saying "wah. my bb hasn't failed me for 2 yrs after all the rain, hard knocks and so on" last wk. hahas.


i took half day ytd. but had to do alot of things.


there was trng in the evening, but i didnt go. initial reason was that i needed to get a phone. so mum abandoned all her ironing just to go tamp mall with me to settle it. but throughout the night, i had a massive headache. i'm not a headache kinda person, but it felt like someone was squeezing the back of my brain. but thank God i didn't go trng though.

so yes, i got my new bb. 9790. i didn't even know what phone to get. i just wanted something like my old one (9700). now, its about the same as my old one, just that it can be a touchscreen now. (:


actually, i wanted to change my phone last august to a 9800 though my phone was in working condition. but the contract haven't expired and i needed to pay like $300 MORE?! so that makes it a total of $600 for a phone. no way i am gg to do that. so thank God, my phone finally breathe its last breath after the contract expired.




thank God.


quite stupid la.
i think now ppl dont just 'can't live without a phone', but without a SMART phone. hahas. i mean like, i had my spare army phone. but i still felt unaccountable to.




my head is still aching.
and i've got probs shitting. hahahas



seriously. idk where all those cny food goes. i'm not shitting out alot. and even if i do, its like water. hahas. it's since i came back from Thailand. maybe i've got a worm in my intestines since i'm always hungry anyway.

i'm giving myself till end Jan to stop all my nonsense eating. too much alrdy.



ok. on a random note, i think wing is highly disciplined.
i've always tried to keep track of my own trngs by writing in my book, but of course, i will start to miss out some trngs, and eventually, stop writing for awhile. but wing is able to still, jot down all the trngs we've had onto the server ever so faithfully for EVERY SINGLE TRNG since sept. that's really ,salute you man.


and since its january, u know what, i should start being disciplied about my life and stop procrastinating.

Reunion

this yr for some reason, i particularly love reunion dinners.
last time it was all about the great food. maybe like 70% because of the food and 30% because of the people.
this yr's the other way round. (:

i find myself trying to seek out time to meet up with friends. there's really alot of people that i wanna meet up and catch up with, with CNY being the bestest excuse. hahas.
not that i'm popular or what, but because i do alot of things, i get to meet alot of ppl. and through the things we do together, of course, friendships are bonded.
like my long lost bowling friends, kc, shps, tp, sajc, sim, church, universaide, sports club, slc, touch, contact, biking, photography and even my dance friends and all.

i mean like, all these people have a part in my growing up process right. u know, if i'm financially richer, i'll really use up all my $$ on treating all my fav ppl to good meals.








anyways, today's the first time my church's having a Youth Service.
it has been the topic for discussion for the past few yrs.

ok, on the personal note, i'm standing on the fence about it.
too many pros and cons better alternatives not explored.


i dont want to go into the details now/here since i'm all CNY mood and stuff. hahas. but all i can do is to pray for His will to be done on us. i pray that we'll start, or rather, continue building a firm foundation. foundations are alway the essentials and should be rock solid before we start building other things on it.


i haven't really touched on my new yr resolutions yet hur.
for one now, to just be prayerful.

honestly, i want you to come back. (not to me la! but to where your roots are ok!) i want you to be that leader again, be that friend who's always encouraging to those around. be that inspiration to others.

and certainly for those closer friends who doesn't know about my Faith, i really pray tt my God will shine through me to reach you. though i dont seem to be unreasonably persistent towards you guys about it, deep down, i'm still keeping u guys in my prayers. its all because i want you guys to have eternal life so we can all be together up stairs when we physically leave this earth.

okok. before i start sounding godly, holy and be that irritating christian who seems to be forcing everyone to be a fellow christians, i shall end this here and wish everyone a very happy, chinese new year. happy being happy, and chinese, being sticking to traditions. hahas.
dun wanna loose that chinese tradition just because youngsters like us duno how to appreciate those customs. hahas.

sacrificial decisions

really, not an easy decision.
but i needed to give an answer though i felt that verbally, it was really unnecessary.

between i and team.

sacrifical decisions. for me, to sacrifice something, mean to give up something u really hold on to for the greater good of others. its like opportunity cost, but with an additional benefits for the ppl around you and not amplifying it out loud. hahas. and no, i am no amplifying the great works that i'm trying to do here. my blog's not at that level where i should be concerned about.


u know.
i really want to play if u'd ask me again.
but really. for that one month of fitness, skills, games that i've missed out; its really taking on a toll on me. and i cannot be so selfish.
i mean like, who doesn't want more game time right.


i rmbr when i first entered the team, my fitness was abt as strong as the team's. as in like, i'm not like the last five or rather, the first five to complete some kind of fitness. ahhas. looking back, i think i can really count it as a feat. hahas. pls give me some ego boast here, tyvm. hahas. but now, i'm really struggling to finish it. ):


everyone's really working hard to fight back what we've lost and i dont want to be a liability.


like i've mentioned before, i think those harsh words she said to me were really needed. it sort of sparked off my died flame. last night's trng was the first trng after she spoke to me. internally/ subconsiously, there was this underlying passion; just like a volcano lava, trying to burst out into flames on one unsuspecting day.
i was sort of reminded to enjoy myself and quit thinking of the things that i can't do. instead, think of the things that i enjoy doing.


otw back, i felt like speeding. so i sped back. (no, i'm still a safe rider.) lotsa things gg in my head. one of which is you. imagine u're still here by my side. since u're a rugger, at least u can give me some kind of beneficial advice. knowing u well, u're not those who would say things i'd like to hear but knock some truths in to me. sometimes it hurts but u've just got a way round it to make me feel assured and let me find that light in the tunnel. that's one amazing thing about you which is also one of the main reason why i like you - your ability to understand me. its like to point where sometimes i dont even understand myself, but somehow, u can?
hahas. yea. and out of it, though i've probably met more people in life and experience more things than u, somehow, u're still able find a way to turn things round for the good of me which i, at that point of time, can't.

and of course, u won't be spared. i'll probably secretly self train with u. do one-on-one tackles until my tackles are rock solid, my kicks are awesome and i can be someone ppl are afraid of. ahhahas. haiz. hahas. dare to dream yea.


oh wells.


suck it up yea.
time to learn to be independent and come back stronger and harder.
this is what life's all about right?

wake up ur idea

u know, i think i really needed someone to just say me in the face to wake up my idea.
no, seriously.

not just in rugby, but in life.
really.

i appreciate ppl who can be so straightforward with me with a heart that's not hiding anything. and the best part is, we're on the same page.
and after searching so long for what's missing, i kinda think this is what i've been missing.


so its good.
though the truths always hurt, it's needed.



after an awesome reunion dinner home, i played my ipod.
and again, on shuffle mode... these 3 songs played back to back when i hit the play button:

1) Hanging On by Britt Nicole
2) Bad Day by Daniel Powter
3) I Can Do Better by Avril lavigne.


hahas. i was like... ok. God! seriously!
but it was good. good reflection time home.




2012. hit hard man.

iMovie

i never buy softwares/applications online coz i always thinkg it's useless and 80% a scam. hahas. but i downloaded iMovie and iPhoto just last wk.. because i like the convenient way of how vids/slideshows can be made.

hahas. some of the random vids i made which totally did not take up much time. totaly time's probably abt less than an hr. i mean it's not as flexible as how i want it to be due to the constraints of music timing and stuff like that. but it really makes things alot easier.


made the mt. k vid last night coz my back was aching and i couldn't slp.

judgement

as i grow older, i tend to take a step back and look at the bigger picture.
sometimes my assessment of situations and things might seem to have de-mature though. hahas


when i was younger, i used to think tt adults know it all/ they probably have the best solution to things since they've eaten more salt than us eating rice. however, now that i'm in the 'working world', not officially, but probably just visting it for now, i get to see things. and erm, choose to think otherwise now. (or maybe having said that, i am still not a grown-up yet)


at this age, i'm like right smack between growing up and being a grown-up right. honestly, i think that when i was younger.. maybe like 14-19 yrs and all, i felt that i probably make the better solutions. and still looking back, there are certain decisions that i have made with regret, but nonetheles, it makes me who i am today. whether i or anyone like it or not, its doesn't really matter now coz ultimately, we just got to keep looking ahead to improve ourselves and if better, start contributing to the society and especially to those around us, and even more especially, thank those who have been our moulders in life.


it can well be ur enemy who has had severe quarrels and arguements in the past, making u a more objective, perhaps tolerant and peristent / determined person. including those that hurt u, and totally murdered your self-confidence, which is really the pathetic issue that i face in life today. but i try and give thanks coz at least, it really taught be humility. to just be humble because the world is round and there will always be a taller mountain.


saw this online, probably a best way set the perspectives apart.

"In those moments, I have two choices: I can let my longings consume me, always pushing me to chase the next thing I think might satisfy me. Or I can seek to relinquish my yearning to God and ask Him to fill me. "


of course, we cannot forget that as we grow up, society is also constantly on a move.

we cannot just look at ourselves, blame ourselves for somewhat morphing into someone whom we don't like or just dont want to become. we have to adapt to survive right. it seems that we lack that moral guidance, that 30min Moral Education period we used to have in primary school.
right now, face value seems to be at all the most important. no matter how much we dont want to face it, handsome and gorgeous ppl do get better treatments. that's quite for sure. they get better jobs, better positions. i'm not saying all companies are like that. but because that's what in the demand list of people, bo pian yea.

profit-making organizations, no matter how virtuous/godly/holy/righteous the CEO may be, he still has to meet customer's demands to satisfy his shareholders right. he cannot like, just because of his so-called values, ask averagely looking and not outwardly hot and sexy ppl to be the models for Abercrombie and expect a huge sales turnover because of his one decision right.


it also seems that because when one is more handsome/pretty, he/she's got the whole package. nature vs nuture. its both. because u're more visually pleasing, people tend to help you more, give you more guidance/hope/confidence, whatever more you need to improve yourself (be it emotionally or technically) and sail through life. and the outcome of it is that u've successfuly become more visually enhanced with all the other plus points that shines altogether.

but yes, with all that, u attract ppl who looks at those. u'll find that it's gg to be hard to identify someone who's really after you for what you are inside. either because you urself is soaked in all those outward goodness that everything becomes so diulted that you yourself dont even know what's the real concentrate of it, or, simply, there's really no one that's looking at ur heart.
that's really really sad.
that's what i mean by having short-term happiness and long-term suffering.
that is also the reason why i probably have no drive to dress nicely. i mean like as long as i'm happy and comfortable with what i wear, i am happpy what. just as so long i dont ignore standard dress codes. ya. so when u get raped in a back alley, its not only the evil man tt's ought to be killed for causing such devasting emotional scars, but also, a painful lesson learnt to not take dark alleys and be so skimpily dressed


really.


is the society really growing faster than what humans can / should become? who are we really fighting to please?



i miss those days when there's no handphones. when i say i meet you at 10am at the MRT, you're gg to be there no matter what right. that's what a promise is called.
everyone's just missing the point. life seemed simplier. (also maybe coz i was younger also). life had more meaning.


personally on a somewhat 'religious' note, God played plays a big part in my life. as much as i dont see Him, or may not even feel Him when i'm so so far away, His works and impact in my personal life is evident, far greater than what i can even see with my own eyes.

i stopped gg church for about 2 yearsl. not just physically, but i guess emotionally as well. it started off with not gg for teens time because of trngs. and continued on with a aiya-lets-just-take-this-Sunday-off. and it followed on with the next sunday, following sunday, and eventually, it went on like that and before i knew it, omg, i was MIA in church for 2 yrs! i didn't know it was that long.


but really, i could see myself changing. without God's voice, without His guidance, and just with my humanly thoughts and desires, my path was sidetracked. physical life was nothing much different. just that -church work = alot alot more free time. though it looked harmless and proving that leading a life without hearing God's voice seemed perfectly normal and nothing to be worried about, i was horribly wrong.

'horribly' may just be an underestatement for what it is to come if i didn't do anything about it / continued on with ignorance. my perspectives on what's needed in life changed. nothing seemed to able to really satisfy / fill unidentified needs. alot of undermining internal changes were taking place without me really knowing it. every night was just a 'ok, i thank God for the day. amen' to fufil some sort of subconsious routine. eventually, all these resulted a more uncouth me, using colourful adverbs in my verbal sentences. not only that, in all my actions and reactions to issues and problems, heart was not in the picture. i dont really know how to describe it, but everything was just zero love. zero sincere care. down right emptiness.


and while all that is happening, it was oblivious to me.
dangerous huh.



so one day, i needed to go church to pass something to someone. i can't rmbr who and what though. during service, when at the the song 'This is Our God' came on, tears started flowing. ok. this was wierd. u need to feel sad / something overwhelming to cry right. instead i had none of such feelings... i could even tweet the part...

Your grace is enough more than i need
At your word i will believe
I wait for you draw near again
Let your spirit make me new


about it making me tear and all. and still no feelings towards it. hahahas. but the tears just kept over flowing. now looking back, i guess my soul / spirit or whatever you call it, is crying.


and duno if it was on the same day or what, when i went to the church office that i saw a post-it/ paper sticked to the board on Xxxxxx' table saying "people to pray for today: Marian".
whoas. for that, i almost teared because i was damn touched. i'm not really a close friend of his and he's praying for me to come back.

and then, it was the rugby tour to Laos. we went a catholic orphanage to do CIP work. saw the kids, and it totally reminded me of the kids back in Sxxxxx back in the villages of northen thailand. the kind 'mother' there reminded me of Jesus and how he takes care of His children. she shared something about the shepherd and the lost sheep. and on one evening, we took a chillax stroll at the Mekong river. and just across, i could see northen thailand.




all that got me thinking abit.
and thoughts became reflections.
which eventually led to decisions and finally, courageous actions.



when choon tee was asking around for anymore takers for this yr's (2011) trip, i was like.. "ok! i dont mind" -> that was said without any thinking. i just had this small calling of wanting to use the trip to draw close to God.
going on a mission trip on such a scale requires not only alot of time, trainings ; but it also meant sacrifices and preparation.

the next 2 days, i didn't really want to go anymore coz my heart took a sneak peeked of what's lined up for me. HOWEVER, God being God, my air tickets were CONFIRMED. (air tickets dont usually get confirmed like that for the trips, esp when its in dec). yea, so before i knew it, i was sleeping in a slping bag in one of the villages.


so yes, now tt its Jan, i can look back and identify that Oct-Dec was really those trying months. it was a trying-to-draw-close-to-Him-while-Mr.SAtan-pulls-you-back tussle. a tug-of-war which needless to say, God was the winner.


during the trip, God was simply using so many ways to repeat what He wants to say to me. hahas.either i wasn't really listening enough, but i think He just wanted me to know that I'm really in good hands and there's nothing much to worry about.
this post is kinda long now and i shouldn't really go into the awesome details of the trip. maybe another day. hahas.



but yea. from all these, God's really there.
even when i'm far away, and totally disregarding His presence in my life, He waits for me to come back with a patient heart. That's the thing about God. once u've accepted Him as ur Lord and Saviour 738287402983 yrs ago, he rmbrs it. so even if we're lost, He's gg to make sure that He finds us back.




so.
with Him, all things are possible. He'll give you tests not beyond what you can bear. Trust in Him, and He'll make your path straight. just believe and u'll recieve whatever you ask for in prayer.

see, that's like alrdy 4 verses from the Bible.



i really hope that there's at least a non-believer or anti-god person reading this post. or for those that have long gone and have yet to find that essence that can make one whole. i hope that this post will encourage you to reflect and think about the life that we're all living now.
i dont believe in the 2012 end, the Mayans may have have a darn right accurate calender about the end. i dont really care though i respect the way how they can accurately calculate things. coz, no one will exactly know when the world will come to an end. that 21122012 end may just be the beginning or whatever.

that's not really important now right (though we often say to look ahead into the future). there's a difference. just like in rugby, our coach says "we anticipate. but we dont preempt."


i just pray for you to know who this Jesus is. just get to know Him. whether you like or dont like Him, it's entirely gg to be up to you and no one can force you to accept Him as your Christ and Saviour. and for those who once felt His love, dont you feel that it's sucha pity to give all these true happiness a miss? i pray that u'll feel Him again.


i'm still seeking Him again. coz there's alot of things i dont understand and will never ever fully comprehend Him like how He can love 9873487384791734 ppl, be watchful for every individual, and at the same time, find time to answer your small prayers like those "dear God i pray that u'll watch over me in my rugby trngs" though on other hand, some ppl are crying out to save them from all the floods and stuff...

but one thing i know for sure is that, He is the only one who can make everything right and best for you.

tough

last night's fitness was....
upon meeting with my friends, i really wanted to cry man. so physically and mentally dead. i think by far, it was the most i-cannot-catch-my-breath fitness i've ever done. maybe its not so just the fitness drill itself, but my current level of fitness condition + the jia lat drill = like that.


during trng. obvious missed tackles. most disappointing.
call for drift, and no one could heard me though i was screaming my head off. and ppl kept telling me to start talking on the field. i was like... ok.
2v1 drill. was the defender. for drill's sake, when the attacker moves/steps in or what, the defender was suppose follow. but because the attacker was neither stepping nor even running towards me, so i couldn't really shadow also. i was being told, "you gotta follow!" ok. but the early mental skills was good though. made me reflect about the pathetic self-confidence i've got. and sometimes when i get to that zone, i tend to just be so self-conscious and really forgetting about anything except just think of myself instead of what is needed to be done. that really sucks you know. even like the simplistic basics of life (not just rugby) becomes forgetten. i really duno how to salvage this whole shit in myself. if only it can be blasted out like my stone.
and fitness was totally a reminder that i needed to buck up and recover what i've lost in the whole of Dec.

*HAIIZZZ*. big big sigh.

after the whole 1230-630pm all about trng, i was totally zonked out.
i really wanted to talk to someone about the whole ugh-ish feeling. but... nvm.
i know i really shouldn't be saying all these negativity on this space coz its really not healthy for any team in pre-season trng.

honestly, i wanted to give up. not because i want to, but i just dont want to be so selfish anymore.




so, in the end, i concluded with a self-proclaimed awesome quote:


"If you can't lie about your ability, don't be a liability"
-Marian

hahas. word pun. like u know.. lie-ability.
hahas.but it really does make sense. if u really can't do it, stop trying to decieve urself to decieve others. in any ways la.
but ok la, it's really gd that whatever's on the field stays on the field.


hahas. yea. so now, on my ipod (on the legendary shuffle mode..) Christina Peri's 'Jar of Hearts' starts playing now. hahas. how emo.

i survived.... just the start

ahhas. omgg. after abit of fun touch, we started with SUICIDES.
try area to 22m, 10m, and the further 10m line. and x6.
oh my. amen to alisa. if its not for her encouragements and other ppl's encouraging shouts, i would really honestly stop at the 3rd set.

and when i thought fitness was over... IT WAS THE START.
fitness then started.
back to the sandbags and all. but ok luh. only 25mins. so not that bad. but i was really really struggling man.

during the whole trng, it actually wasn't that bad la.
and when i thought trng is gg to end.. it was hello fitness again. siaow one. the whistle kept blowing and blowing and blowing..

and finally, finally it was over, i was finally at the canteen taking my boots off my blistered foot. it's not a new pair of boots. but i guess so long nv train, my foot needa re-adapt to the boots.

anyway.


then this morng.
whoas. woke up. mentally moved my body out of bed, but it had like a 2sec lapse time. hahahas.



today, exciting thing was that i had lunch with PHIL! for some reason, i was damnnn happpy and excited to meet her for lunch. ahhas.


there's trng again today, but i didn't go coz of mission debrief / dinner at 7. i made up for it by literally dragging myself to the gym and do a speedy 1hr gym.
1 month, and the damage is kinda obvious. the weights had to be either lighter or lesser reps that what i usually do. damn sad.
and just as i thought of having my first can of 100plus in 1 month, i thought abt it again and gulped down lotsa water. ahhas.
haiz.

ok. when i really feel that i've worked my ass off, then i'll make myself feel worthy of drinking a can of it. ahhas.

oks. TGIF alrdy. so fast.
this month, 90% of the squares on my calendar have a word 'trng' on it. ahhas
priorities marian, priorities.

the first run

the first run after a whole month.
played touch today.

intended to hit the gym today, but the massive massive jam on the PIE is too massive for anything.
it was so so so massive that i think my sparkplug got no more energy. almost stalled at gear 1 ok! scared for a moment.


fun touch was fun.
abit breathless, but i was prepared for it.
hahas. tmr wake up, my legggs sure HOSEH LIAO LA. ahahas.
but thank u God for such friends around me. play touch and just play touch. dun care about the world when we play touch. (:




ok la.
actually, it more so for warming up for tmr's trng.
Blacks' trng's probably v intense now. i should expected the unexpected. hahas.
honestly, i duno if i should go on trng. i mean i want. but u know right, the team can only be as fast as the slowest person.
and more so, the championship games are like in 2 wks time.
i can give my best in trng also, but it may not be enough. plus, looking at all the schedules, if i'm still trying to keep some promises, i can't commit to all the trngs.
go also like liability.


but i still wanna be part of the team. for me, its not about the championship now though. before the whole stone thing, was really focusing on conditioning myself, preparing myself just so that i can perform and protect myself and my team. however, and after all the MIA from a whole month of trngs/outings/games/tours/camp, i really cannot be so selfish and go on trying so hard ah.

hahas.

i mean i can dont think abt this and go on.
but i just feel that its so selfish.
just because i wanna enjoy myself, i might just be wasting others' time while everyone else has a serious goal.


this yr, not that easy. because we've really faced that huge disappointment last yr. after all that our seniors have done, worked hard for and defended the championship title for 8 yrs IN A ROW, it only took that ONE game to break that whole chain. 80mins of time to screw a decade worth of effort.



ok. tmr, just go down and see how. (:
stay positive man. hahas.
go Blacks ladies! train hard and harder!

bye 2011

ok. the first post of the yr..


i guess for me, social networks have grown tremendously over this yr.
with the rise of twitter, and the growing convenient use of fb, i honestly haven't been blogging as much as i wanted to. hahas.

out of the 22 yrs of living on this yr, this yr, is by far the most... empty yr.
hahas. not in an emotionally empty way la. i didn't really do much. nothing happs.
finished sch last 2010 dec and officially grad this yr august. this whole yr, just slacking and working wherever the wind blows.
i didn't continue with being a mac rider coz the pay was really... not sustainable. ahhas.

so i worked in Nera Telecomms ltd.
also a riding job. was a field technician. ahhas. what a cool name for a marketing grad hur. ahhahs. basically, my job was to go around and repair/ install credit card terminals in shops. quite cool. coz u can get to see ppl, see back end of stores, learn how businesses do their business and more exposed to the backend of merchandising. i really learnt alot. made alot of friends and so on.
but long hrs, hard work, kena kan by unreasonable customers and pay v low.



so,
i accepted the kind offer by uncle vincent to work at MOE as a temp.
though i dont learn THAT much, i finally put my microsoft excel skills to gd use. and though it can be very slack/ very busy (v seasonal one. ahhas), the pay is gd. i can't ask for something more safer and pay $$$ well.


towards mid-yr, it was like job searching. not literally. but internally.
i didn't really know what i wanted after the whole fireman/paramedic door slammed right into my face.
i just know that i will be trying to escape the business circle coz i dun want to be in a competition for money. i just wanna get a job that pays well and saves lives/ or at least, help in making the world a better place to live in.
i've passed the airforce's COMPASS 5hr-long, brain draining test.

i'm just looking forwards to clearing up some of my stuff and things-to-do before i fully commit myself to work.
the 3 adventure kaki (suan, dickson and i) are still in the midst of planning to trek/climb in nepal. however, suan's the most problematic now with his sch starting immediately after his ORD. hahas.
my girlfriends are also planning a trip to BKK. just to chillax. its like a our teenager dream to go on a holiday together far far away when we all grow up. hahas. now, we've got the $$, BKK's the only practical one. when we're more financially inclined, we should be loooking further ahead! (: ahhas.




ok. 2011.
spiritually, all time low.
spent alot of time on rugby. went to hk, jb, laos for rugby this yr. towards the end, trng was getting more and more intensive. was really enjoying such intensive rugby. however, also because of this intensity, it kinda squeezed out some of my living spiritual sense. and because of God, (at first, it wasn't my intention but really His doing), i went for Mission. initially, it was a tough struggle. i knew i wanted to go on this trip to draw closer to God. however, i cannot just go and expect something in return. that's very bad thinking. prior to the trip, mission trngs clashed horribily with rugby trngs. both tues, sundays (yes, of ALL days in a wk to choose from), and what's best is, both at the same place.

it was really tough on my heart. i cannot take such guilt in both ways. on one side, there's a team trng so hard for a championship, on another, there's a team also trng so hard just to be spiritually prepared for warfare.


but through all these, God really shone.
i've really learnt alot.
now its january, all the dec happs photos are all over fb. i mean, seeing my team having the time of their lives, playing on THE rugby pitch in Perth did made my heart cringed and have that oh-man-i-wanna-be-there feeling. and again, all i can do is just look back on what i've done, and what God has done in the villages and console myself.
and plus, with that whole stone episode along with that one month out-of-sports mc, it gave me some kind of comfort.


yea, and of course, not forgetting the Poon self holiday in HK, escaping the whole Christmas phase in Singapore.


there's alot that i've sacrificed.
and its those sacrifices that have made me who i am today.
of couse, sacrifices are not made w/o upsetting ppl. but whatever it is, as long as God's happy, i should be happy. i mean i am lah. ahhahas.



so, i thank God for this yr.




and so. about... you.
hahas. how cant i miss this whole part out at the end of a post right. hahas.
honestly, life was good. i thought i was awesome because u weren't in my sight for a v long time.
and so one fine day, suddenly, u appeared on the same rugby pitch as me. like all of a sudden. before our respective trngs, we played touch against each other. and eventually during trng, we even had a contact friendly against your side as well. oh my. u have no idea how the trng was mentally challenging for me.

ya. then again,

the



lonnggg




break.
.
.
.



and during mission trip, i cannot deny that i was also thinking of you. how we used to be each other's support when we're in the fields together. most of the time, i would think of how u'd be making an impact amongst the villagers if u're still with us. i mean, u're after all, a gifted leader, brother and friend. and honestly, i pray that u'll look back to God and let Him use you mightly to make an impact in the lives of others. coz i know, you can. ayseh. hahas.

so, back from mission and off to Carols by Candlelight in church. was talking happily away with my friends and SUDDENLY, u appeared right infront of me after the dinner at sas' canteen. omg. it kinda shocked me. like less than a metre. instinctively, i waved and said hello. u're waving to friends around, but, u nv said hi to me. using my sensitive heart, it felt like u're still trying to avoid eye contact with me. ahhas.
so it was too shocking for me. after u walk past, somehow i couldn't cope with that emotions overwhelming me and i teared. i wasn't sad or anything la. just teared. ahhahhas.

and on fb, saw tt u've climbed mt k with ur friends. hahas.
totally.
i mean like, i could haven been covering greater heights and depths with u this dec ...
hahas. ok la. i think i should stop blogging like that on the first post of the new year.



2012. look ahead.
dont we love such imaginary line tt gives us some sort of drive to make changes?



just to share this..