fooood.

after dreaded sch and the stormy weather,
been eating gd today.

bought short tights and the band for race bib today! (: on discount man. running lab.


after class, xy and i had a gd jap dinner.



then randomly met up the bikers at kebangan mee sua then towards ice cream chef where i saw marc and kim. hahas!





lots of submission.
lots of trng to be done.



can i complain for awhile.

1. when u are struggling and ppl ask for ur help for the same struggle, once or twice, its fine. but when they pester u, and makes u feek like u owe them an answer, u just feel like taking a dagger and silence them or throw them in to a cornered room in a library.


2. sometimes, u take damn long, lots of effort to figure something out or to just retrieve something. then someone comes along to ask u for the long sought solution just like that with a *pretty please* face. u hesitate to give them, but because u are too kind, u give to them with a smile, but with a heart's that feeling so so ugh.


3. in times like this, when u have so much things line up to do, some ppl just still want ur help and want it now, with no sense of understanding or sympathy to that extent.



4. basket. didn't realize that GPRS is not equal to data plan usage.
so i think my bill's gg to cost alot very very innocently for this month.


phew.
that felt good.

mozzy

had mosquito bites today.
cold dark tired trng.



tonight, i missed being accountable to a person.



oh yea. my 'interview' with the PR liason lady was out on straits times today. HAH. -_-

resistance

this afternoon, went for the tribob clinic.
was bad initially. it was at ECP but they didn't state where. so i spent 1 hr looking for the place. until lo and behold, i saw a grp of sporty ppl also lookin lost, at carpark E2. amen. we're in the same prob.

so they finally got some info that it's at carpark F2. jia lat lor.
couldn't call office and all. no contact. and they didn't send out email.


so luckily, i found them.
didn't really learn much. just like try and do race simulation.
basket. damn scary.



i was w3u45wvm;a3404i'a damn au3pvmaio3mvajmoa scared.
u know, it took me quite long to regain back my water confidence in the pool. when i was young, the swimming instructor pushed me into the deep pool w/o notice then from then on, i had water phoebia.

so today, i thought it'll be fine. but no.
the 1st one was to swim abt 50m out shore and stay afloat there. abt like 20m into it, i realized my feet can't touch the ground alrdy. then i got damn scared. then i kept swimming damn hard.then at around 50m, i was kicking like mad. drinking lots of water. i just needed a ground to be sure of.

then swimming back, i swam damn hard.
damn scared.
its like , the waves keep crashing into ur face. u can't find the horizon. taking gulps of air might just be taking in seawater.
was really a very very unpleasant situation.

then we took breaks. spoke to some ladies around. some were quite seasons triathletes. so they were helping me around.. there's this lady who's told me "the more u resist, the harder u struggle". so true.
and her encouragements were really effective.

then as we go along, we practiced a few laps of jumping into the water, swim, overtake stuff...my confidence level slowly increased and at the same time, fighting hard to just tell myself to relax. i was loosing alot of enegry to be in a high stress situation.




during the course of it, i really thought of giving up the 10th of april.
i mean like, i'm damn scare. i've got 2 wks to be confident abt swimming w/o a ground and salty waves crashing at u.


but ok la. overall, gd to meet nice ladies who's also doing it for the first time and stuff like that.




be strong!. and really mean it.

ST PHOTO: DESMOND FOO

alumni

had TP alumni bowling today.


great to see all the super lao chiao
batch ranging from lim zhong till the current. hahas.

shena's team won in the end.
our team had amanda, asri, perry and i and!... roger! our guest. it was a super last min decision.
ahhas. format of play was full game, then 9tap and 8tap.
ahhas
was so much fun. we bowled alongside with nicklum's team.



we actually managed to get 3rd! i think 2nd's the current batch with kenneth, alwin and all. and surprised to have won lim zhong's team tgt with hairul, helmi...

the team part wasn't really abt winning winning. i mean, winning's really a bonus. but to ssee all the legends come back to have fun bowl and secretly compete with each other's really fun.
ahhas. 8 pin tap. i managed to get 241.hahahas. like damn pro like that ar. hahahahs. one 6/ some where and a really bad 2-3 pins split which left the 10th frame open. if not it could have been a potential 27game. hah! what only.



then was the individual masters.
there were only 6 girls. me, manda, sheena, mitchell, ashley and doreen.
honestly, i was trying to compete but by doing it properly. meaning, instead of the usual oh-shit-i'm-not-doing-well thinking, focus on the execution. like for me, it was to slow down my timing, and really have a gd relax swing. and it works! (: it was like trying to maintain my mental game that i had from uitm.


i realized that when i'm focusing too much on the end goal, reaching it always seem impossible. and at the end of the compeition, not only u lost, but u feel that u didn't play well or didn't have a gd game.
so i really didn't want that to keep repeating and repeating.


i bowled alongside with hairul! hahas. it was nice. hahahs. (: he got 2nd in the end.
1st game, on the 3rd frame, i realized i was falling into that old bad mental routine. then i reconfigured myself and stringed a few strikes which really motivated me.
ahhas. then i realised, manda and i were damn close. hahas. damn funnny. in the end, she 200 and i got a 201. hahas.
2nd game was unfortunate. had 4 splits and couldn't spare. to be positive, i had all my pin 10s down. so it was a 148.
last game, i really wanted to come back. was gd.. until the last frame. the same 2-3pins split. ): so i had a 195.


so overall. i managed to get 2nd.
shena's too pro alrdy. even if my 2nd's game a 250, i'm still unable to catch her. ahhas. manad got 3rd! AHHAHA. damn funny the way we calculated the scores and all.
for the guys, asri got 1st! with $60 capital land voucher. hahas. well done man.


over overall, i got 7th. damn happy. coz like i'm just 1 position below limzhong by 5 pins. ahhas. to me, that's an achievement.
but aiya. to him, this was just a fun thing and he's alot not been trng trng kinda thing also. ahahhahas.
but he's damn funny! aahhhhahas.









okok.




then, it was 2.20pm. was sad that i can't go stl, AGAIN.
HAIZ.
everyone wants my sat.





ok. so i hanged out.
its been long since i've hangged out. ahhas.
ate at MOF then go play lan. HAH. l4d2. didn't play the whole thing. then 1st time playing counterstrike. damn scary. the blind corners make u feel so vulnerable.









today, my mum told me that she woke up crying. haha.
she dreamt that i was helping church to stack big cargo boxes, along with the youths.
the youths didn't see me and crushed me with all the big heavy cargo boxes.

meanwhile, she finished making this white girly lacey flare out top along with nice mini short hot pants. she wanted to give it to me. so, she frantically searched for me. after awhile, the youths told her they found me under the boxes. hahas. and like.. "sorry aunty, she's dead". hahas.
my mum cried and cried, "how can she die? how can u all like that?"
"sorry aunty.."
"sorry?! cannot. how can?!!"
haahs.
then duno what happen.
she said i reappeared as a gothic pale black angel, dress in my black dress, hair all bunned up with my ballet stage makeup. ahhahas.
pale reminds me of a cullen. ahahas.

so yea. that's wierd, and. nice? hahas.

spammed

hahas. my friend's been playing around with my phone to update my fb status 10,000 times. yang too, with updating twitter as well.



ookok. this morng. i wanted to run. i didn't.
so, i ran at night.
i purposely bring out my sport shoes so its like.. not turng back kinda thing.


i ran round the reservior.
damn slow.
too slow to break into alot of sweat.
i felt that i could lke open up my legs and push further, but i didn't want to feel tired and sustain like that all the way. hmmm. i think i'll have to try cycling 20km and then running the 5k. i think i'm just gg to die on that day. ): worried.

suttle.

yea. its the projects.
Businesss ethics was stupid.



today, i woke up at 8am. lazed around, and totally missed the 830am lect.
that's 2 wks in a row.





today i went tp's trng.
really want to train fitness.
i really really went with an expectation to be damn cuii and half dead.
and because of that, i wasn't as cuii as i expected to be because i set the expectation to be damn high. hahas. so though i was really struggling to pace well, it was... o..k.. ahahas


saw deedeemarini! hahahas.
pangsai. so long never see her lor.
but for some reason, trng with her today seemed like we had trng tgt ytd. hhahas.



i've been having lots of thoughts about life issues.
i mean like, i'm relatively old arldy abt thinking teenagey issues...
i'm not really troubled by these issues. just need to figure how to take a step back, and let go bit by bit.





tmr, i want to run.
i will not take cloudy weather as an excuse unless its like heavy thunderstorm.
i need to run in the morng tmr.
lect's at 12. got to be home by 1030 to bathe and all. so, i will wake up at 830am.
come on!

i felt quiet

long morng.


then, i went to swim.
omg. i felt so tired.
i must swim more. die la die la die la.




things actually alot of things to settle by this wk.
this is actually a v impt wk.




i went home, slpt. and over slept. trng 7pm, 6.37pm woke up.
wah. then really lucky, roads not too bad, reached turf at 7.01pm. hah.



trng was very wet.
i felt really quiet.
i duno why. it was more a day that i dont feel like talking. hahas. put that down on ur calendar man hahas.probably the weather?
its not pms. just... had alot of inner peace that needed to be exploded out.

HAIZ.




lastly, i hate sch. >;(

BB

ok. today i woke up at 11am. then went church. late.
just to pass uncle james the cd.



hahah. mr. mustachio. ahhas.
looks cool right. ahahas.



today, alot of ppl told me Kelly Kerr dropped by SG and stopped at COA ytd.
at around 5pm ytd, she was in church.
ytd, i passes PIE. i was like.. should i just turn in to church. it was raining and feverish, so i decided to head home.
bad move.
):

really surprised me how she rmbrs me. and i really miss her and wayne. i mean like, their friendliness is just... wha. u probably got to meet them to understand what i'm trying to say.




so anyway. today, had trng.
i'm really starting to really enjoy contact now.
its like how i used to be really crazy over bowling. yea. smth like that.
i feel it coming. HAHA.





then then.
today.
i bought BLACKBERRY BOLD. hahs.
so that's the final verdict of the BB and iphone battle. i've decided on this because i know iphone wouldn't last in my hands for 2 wks, with all the rain, mud and drops. i've trusting BB on this. hahahs.
and the email thing is also v handy.

mum got it for me.
some time ago, she wanted to get me an iphone for my bday or smth since she noticed everyone's owning one. but i heroicly declined the offer. ahas.
now, BB. and its cheaper.
well, the plan is gg to kill every month. with the data charges and the shits. i think at least $50 per month.

i mean like, i've been paying $26 every month for now.
and like when i hit $30, it'll be like.. whoa. now, its gg to be at least $50.
haiz. effect of a growing economy, growing demands and the pains of inflation.
well, i chose this.
i'm so gg to work hard to pay off my bills soon.



but yea, i'm excited. think abt the internet. the GPS.
actually, if i really wanted to seriously honestly save money, i could have just stick to my sony ericsson k800i and buy an itouch.

coz what i'm really looking for is something that i can surf the internet with at everywhere, gps, and like, have apps that helps u learn stuff from.
i really dont need a BB. with an increament of $24 each month, i'm paying like $268 more each year.


so, its actually a mix feeling.

point of no return

whole day rain.


after sch, headed to rp for the 7s.
basket. coz i rmbr the map in my head to go all the way straight up. (zoomed out map), without showing the small roads. so instead of turning in to woodlands ave 3, went straight up to johor.


die.


that's when i realised its a point of no return. and yes, in the dreadful heavy rain.
through the customs, i explained my situation as i did not have my passport nor my i/c.
i was brought to the office to get my particulars.
i think i'm like officially black listed. hahas.


in the cold office,
i asked the officer damn nicely, "does this happen often?"
with a face showing no feelings of indifference he shoots back, "what do you think?"
i was like.. "er... no? i dun think so".
"yes miss. pls know ur roads well". whow.

that wasn't friendly.

it was damn pathetic.
all drenched. in the wet and cold office.
and with an officer whos in his 30s showing no sense of sympathy for someone who has majorly went the wrong way.


then, i was escorted by the police through a u-turn out. the officer had to tap like 2 gates open and another auto gate.



haiz.
with the fear, i went round and round woodlands, fearing of gg back that BKE way, in search of woodlands ave 9..






haiz. epic. epic. and, epic.





then was game. 7s
ok. 3 games in all. we got champion.
but i didn't feel good.
out of 3, i only play one half, during the 2nd game. only gd thing was i scored in my 7 mins of play.
whatever it is, i miss bel and i dont believe in not being-able-to-sub to such an extent, when everyone's alrdy so tired.
i mean like, i really could have gone down for stl today coz they really really lack players to play lfs.



but.
having said that, i had a great time with the girls again. (:
some of the girls had excellent runs and tackles.
it felt abit like club trng though. ahahs.










and then. the rain continued and continued.
damn sian.
felt like all my energy's all drained out by the rain.


ytd, i didn't do projects. and today, i rlly rlly dont feel like doing at all.

rainy

rode in the rain in and out today.
tiring.
and emo.





handed in SQ today.
still got many more to go.

stiff neck

last night trngs, had alot of falls. today, my neck damn strained and stiff.
sneeze also pain. ahas.

i hit my head hard against my friend's elbow. so now, when i chew, the left side of my head damn pain.






i hate to wear pants along the road. like damn malu. its like changing in the toliet w/o doors.
the rain was so heavy, that water splashed on me from lane 1 of the other side of the road. expressway. i was on lane 2 btw. lane 1 as in the other lane 1. hahas.
then like alot of bikes stop under the overhead bridge. hahas. like somme convoy. damn cool.

today. i tried someone's spark also. as in, it was on mainstand.
i realized that the bike is like lower, more comfortable and stable.
maybe i should go do smth abt my stands.

station 23

hah.


today arh.
i ate like one whole pan pizza, tomyum soup with a bowl of rice for lunch man.
and i wasn't like bloated or what. just full..
tsk tsk.


u know. while printing project in the library, i used station 23.
someone left his creative MP3/Thumbdrive in the CPU. it was the station that lost my thumbdrive. i was damn tempted to just take it and keep it for revenge. mp3 somemore.
BUT. i'm proud to say, i returned it to the library guy.
HAH.
*pats back, well done marian. HAH.




project.
then project. and then..
project.


felt very unrest for some reason today.




trng was gd though. put aside project for awhile.
had hard hits today. hahas. still so much things to learn.

dance

i dont usually blog abt dance, the struggles of it and all because of many secret personal reasons. ahahs.


u know, when we learn smth new, and u're so not confident abt it.
then the tchr plays the music and the thing's supposed to be done individually. then in the class no one wants to go first.
u know u are not sure. but at the same time, u know full well that the better ones in the class would know how to do it. they just dont want to go first for whatever reasons idontcare.
then its like, music played.
and u know, if no one starts, no one's gg to start and the tchrs gg to get really angry if its like that.

most of the time, i'd be the one to take the initiative.
to just be the first, and whack. though i am so not confident.
its like. u know ur steps. u are sure. then.
u're so not confident, so bad, that when u start doing everything, rushing into the music because u're just so afraid of taking the blames, ur not-confident part of u overwhelms u, and u just dun know what to do.
then, u get scolded again. at that point, it seems inevitable to be scolded.
and on better days, (the u-still-need-to-be-the-first-to-go-because-everyone's-not-helping-each-other-out still applies) u can do the steps. but because u are not confident, u can't execute it well.


this is why i find dance very challenging.
tap's no problem.
ballet's the one.



so.
the tchrs scolds u.
and u know that she doesn't really want to scold u. its just that, at this stage, really, nothing would make an excuse. for me, its just really hard because i feel so tired. so tired of taking the initiative. suffering when no ones really listens. i mean like...so what if ur thoughts are heard, no matter what in dance, u've got to do it, and do it well.

its unlike rugby where u just chiong, give ur best and have no regrets. dance's different. u have to know ur stuff in order to execute it.
and what's best, u've got to have ur self confidence, if not, nothing really works.




maybe this whole dance thing is just..
aiya. can't describe such a situation.
i mean like yes, when i'm hitting those steps well and all, u feel gd and u wanna achieve more and be better. but its probably at a point where i do some personality check. or rather priority checks.



sometimes i really feel like giving this up.
its really not gg anywhere.
i mean like, i've been doing this for like 17 yrs. the longest thing i've ever done. so what. what's next.
its just the rectials.
i dont see myself working as a dancer. probably at the most, a ballet tchr. HAH.


u know, i kinda regret choosing piano over ballet when i was like 3 yrs old.
i'm so super duper confident that i'd go really far in piano. like really far.
i know i've got so much for music. probably can be a scholar or smth. HAHA.
or like part time pianist at those atas place.
u get paid for doing things u like to know with minimal pressure.



then for me, my growth in ballet is always stunted. my class merges because of the lack of ppl. for 2.5 yrs (or 2-3 grades) its been like that. fine. nvm. move on.
then, when u have the ppl, u're not given the chance to do the exam.
fine. nvm.

then class goes on. those who didn't do the exam has to move up syallabus-wise with those who has done the exam.
fine. nvm. then for some reason (like sch, studies or whatever), those who did the exams stops coming for class. then the class goes back to old syallabus.
each time, u tell urself, fine, nvm.

but now, at this point of like at-the-brim, u take a step back and look at the big picture, u realized how much time and effort u've wasted. then now, when u want to try and achieve smth, u seem out of battery. and it seems that no one believes in u any more. u urself questions urself.
wth are u doing.
seriously, wth.




i duno. yr end's the recital. i'm not sure if i've got enough fuel to last till yr end.
everything seems so bleak.
i feel so, tired. not the physical or emotional kind. but its more like.. 'that's-it, and-forget-it-marian.' kinda thing.
its like... really, dont waste time alrdy. nothing's improving.




i mean the whole thing, including sports.. its like.... if u give ur best, u try so hard, u put in so much effort. then just because u make a booboo that's superly noticed, u get scolded. the person mean no harm, but it has cause inner damaged. its damn sad to a point whereby u actually want to literally cry out coz u're damn hurt by the whole thing. not by the person who scolded u, but probably by urself plus the whole situation.





ok. sorry.
i was just whining and whining.
then again, when u r in the situation, things seems bad. give it time, and it seems ok after all.






---



today.
no.
last night.


ahahas. i dreamt of my pri sch friend again! HHAHA. i went to sch and msged him. AHHAHHA. so wierd. i dreamt that we're both pri sch tchrs. and we like passing each other notes via this big guy whom i have no idea who. he's just huge.. like elephant kind of huge. he's nice being the person passing the notes for us. ahhahas.
i still can rmbr one of note... the font, the msg my friend wrote to me. somehow, it seemed clear and believeable.

in life, he has actually done something like that to me when we're in pri sch...i rmbr, during the bcg period. AHHHAHA. damn funnny. i still keep those stuff man.















aiya. there's alot gg on in me now.
i just feel like whinning.
i've got so many friends, but none can really keep up with my life if i really want to share with. no phone calls. no long smses. nothing. that's what makes it easier to miss u alot more. BUT OH WELLS. i'm making good progess with moving on.

HAIZ. its a trapped feeling. still.
AHHHHHH. i feel like taking my bike now to ECP and just sit at the break waters, look at the moon (if there's) and the crashing waves.
i will not do it because i jolly well know that tmr's submission, this fri's submission and 830am class tmr.
i will.... go and sleep. now.

ice cream

i feel like eating ice-cream now.
vanila with chopped almond nuts and choco rice.



the deep cut i had from the fall's now infected.
its really a small cut, but now, its like puffy, painful and with dried green stuff.
HAIZ.



i feel like studying philosophy.
nah.

BB vs iphone

BB or iphone.
probably the most freq compared phone.



now, it stands as i'll get a BB + itouch (when i've got the $$).
hahas.




why BB:
- because i'm marian
- looks more sturdier than iphone
- like can last longer.
- the bb friends thing. free sms and stuff.
why not:
- not that user friendly
- no fun apps.



why iphone:
- apps
- apps
- apps
- more user friendly, esp web browsing.
- maybe coz of the itunes?
why not:
- because i'm marian
- i don think it can last in my shoe bag
- the screen is like 'come hit me'
- at the rate i've been dropping my phones, no.
- i like like quite big leh. not cycling/sports friendly.
- get wet and spoil easier.



i mean like, my k800i is still surving like mad after 4 yrs?!
it's still all gd man. i'm expecting the joystick to like spoil.. but it only have bad mood swings.
with all the hard knocks, battered n beaten war scars, the front camera is spoilt. but i dont use at all coz i dont do video calls.





looking through my harddrive, i saw that classified folder.
clicked on it.
looked through the photos, again.
i guess the effect of my 40day fast is working.
things are getting better with me.
i'm starting to understand this whole thing for myself.
it's gd. and i really really, really hope it gets better.

wkend hrs

whoots.


so sat. project submission and tarek the day with 1.5hrs of slp.


STL. hhhahas. 8 ppl vs a full blacks team.
i visualed the game to be damn tired and everyone-will-die-fighting situation. ahhahahas.
so, yes, the game was damn tired. but it was ok because i expected it. hahahs. what a great strategy.
for some reason, i felt that i could do or initiate more things during the game but abit hesitant/slow.
my def was bad. whenever someone runs hard at my gap, i tend to be abit panic though i've tried to be ever ready on my toes.
so much to work on fitness adn agility just for defence.
4-3 to them. it was a hard fight and i secretly know that if we've got better hands and probably more ppl, we can win it. but yea, gd fight. ahhas.



then went down to watch ntu open.
nice to see old friends again.
hahas.
felt damn groggy and as if i've got smudged eyeliner all over my eyes. ahhas.



at night, supposed to have night cycling.
but...
RAINED.
so, postponed to next wk.
thank God.




today, hesitated to go church. well, i slpt early, so i know it's not the tired i-am-lazy factor. but didn't felt like it. it's bad, coz i'm not gg to an impt place which i know i should be gg whether i feel like it or not.

anyways.
trng in the rain today.
didn't feel as tired as i've expected (this thing's really working huh!).




hahas.

so april's coming. OSIM tri.
abit scared coz i've not starting really trng for it with all the submissions along.
haiz. i need help!

15mins

sch has a 15mins b4 closing warning to clear all vehicles parked in the basement.


makes me miss TP even more.


today's choing project day.
on the way home.. for some reason, felt damn scared to ride. like as if something bad was gg to happen. i rode very carefully and prayed. hahas.
amen, i'm home now. (:

11 march

wah.




today, i took a $27.20 cab to sch today.
didn't know that surcharge for peak hr stops at 8am. i took the taxi at 7:56am.


i woke up, feeling damn lousy.
coz i didn't have a gd slp.
woke up inbetween the nights to check the computer, hoping to start doing some work before gg to slp. i slpt while eating dinner. ahhas. my mum helped me to clear my dishes, leaving me in the hall to slp.


so i woke up, 730am, thinking that i was gg to ride again.. until i realize that i had my bowling balls with me.
i dreaded heavily.

i had to decide either the painful 3 bus, 1 long mrt ride, or the fast buy empty pocket way- cab.
i had my laptop with me, all the textbk and all. i wasn't ready to just carry 3 bowling balls with one heavy bagpack full of notes and a heavy HP laptop in the other hand up the overhead bridge and down.
oh yes, with an ankle that's unsteady, wobbily and all out to give way any time,
i wasn't ready to injure myself like that. i wont risk it.


i literally spent 5mins deciding while sitting on my sofa, as time ticked by. i needed to be in sch my 8.30am.


so, i just brought 2 balls instead of 3, literally dumping my 3rd ball onto the ground at home... to take the mrt.
then downstairs, i looked at my watch. 805am.
i looked into my wallet- filled with the money that was reserved for buying a helmet for my pillion.

then, i hailed the cab
and basket, at around 7:56am.




so yes, i parted with $27.20 for one cab ride alone.
and reach sch at 8.40am, feeling so defeated and at a loss. hahahs.
but to stay positive, it was a safe ride with no possibility of injuring myself.


lecture was boring.
everything's the same as in TP.
i slpt.
tried to stay awake though he's quite an interesting lect, but just couldn't even keep my head up.




soon, it was over.
chionged projects.


until 630pm. sz came to pick me up to bowl the league. (really thank God for him. coz from sch to the alley, though fast, it gg to be 1 short bus ride with 2 overhead bridges to climb)

league was damn gd.
probably the best thing that happened in these few bad wks.
$$$$
i was playing pin 10. 2 rounds. $10 each. i won $10 each round. and $20 in total.
i rmbr for the 2 whole games that i was betting on, i was dead serious in getting pocket shots, trying to rev up my ball as much as i possibly can just to leave that 10 standing..
and surprisingly, i think out of the 3 games, today's the series that i've probably got the highest pocket ball rate. probably like 90 % or smth. hahahs. and the strikes came in. at first, it felt damn wierd. coz usually, its probably part of the routine to feel happy with solid pocket strike. hahas. with that same strike, instead of feeling elated, it was more of a... 'alamak, wasted ar' feeling. ahhahs.
and yes, 4 pin10s left in total. 1st game, i didn't bet, but i another another 2 pin 10. ahhas. could have won $30 and cover the full taxi fare. but it was gd arldy.


HAH.
that was victorious man.
i get $$ for being focus and achieving my routine in some sense though my sparing wasn't that gd today.




then over supper, brandon made a bet with me.
for one year as of now, if i'm able to not be crazily in love, he's gg to buy me a honda CBR.. or, an iphone with the balance $ from the supposedly CBR cost.
whooots.
that's like a major bet. and if he wins, i'm just gg to owe him an apology. that's it.
what's there to loose from me man.
and, looking at it, he's serious abt it and not those jk bet. HAH.
but if time really comes and if i really do win, i doubt i'll have the bold courage to accept such a reward anyway.



well,
he's probably underestimating me.

or

i'm probably just overestimating myself.




but honestly, i'm still never gg to be ready and, looking ahead from now till next march, things ain't gg to be much different. probably starting to work and meeting mroe new ppl on the way, but i dont think that's gg to be enough to make me start being crazy all over another person again. hah.



its kinda ironic that he's making such a bet with me on this date.
this date, 5 long yrs ago is relevant to the bet in someway or another.
that date, at night, probably 10.40pm over msn, was the one that changed my life onwards i guess.
sounds ridiculously worthless, but true enough.
well, it could have been the 5th yr. hahas.

well. been wanting to msg you on a final note to just test water these few days, no, years.... days and only found some courage to do so, today. A level results were out, and sincerely, just as a super nice and caring friend, i wanted to know how did u do and what are ur plans.


i simply smsed you very generally.
well, i'm actually surprise that u replied me.
happy coz it was above my expectation that u finally replied my one sms in duno how many years.
but contradictory, sad coz u sounded that u just didn't want to continue on with that one sms.
so yes, u replied, i read, and that was it.




and that 1 sms took so many years to pluck out courage from a ground that's so bottomless.





you know what,
WHATEVER.

rained

it rained finally.

and it was my first time riding in the rain.

falling fell.

today's bad.

ok la. depends on how i see it.




so, after having sports message at CGH, i exit into PIE (tuas). it quite a sharp turn b4 the give way line. i saw no car so i didn't bother changing to gear 3, remaining in gear 4.
basket. so the turn was too sharp that i slided to the next lane abit.
then i hear a minor screeched followed by an irritated horn.


i was damn shaken.
coz i was then aware that i've successfully put myself in danger. it was a black audi. he drove past me and gave the wth hand signs through his window.
ok. i felt guilty.


but ok, thank God he was able to stop in time.
thank God nothing major happened.



then on the way to sch, u know, that darned u-turn, again.
i was lane 2, and i signalled to change to lane 1 so i can proceed to the right turn lane.
i did my thing well. (this time, really really not my fault).
i signalled right, checked my mirror, checked my blind spot. there was this silver car, at least 1.5 car length away.
since i was alrdy nearing the turn alrdy, i had to change lane. besides, that car's resonably far behind.

so i made the change.

knn.
he horned.
like 4-5 times. i cursed out loud. then i reached my right turn late and stopped behind another car to wait for my turn b4 making the turn. that stupid irritating selfish and of no care sliver car driver drove pass me and horned another 3 times.

i sweared out loud again.


seriously.



here i am trying to make things safe and there u are being so inconsiderate. idiot.
i really dun want to curse u. but seriously. make u learn ur lesson without causing any injuries to anyone else.




i reached sch. feeling safe and secure.
dreaded, knowing that the day wasn't gg well.





left lect early for b.
today, i really suffered.
my injury is really getting on me. there's so many things that i cant do. i go for so many trngs but the healing process is way too slow.
i feel like giving all this up. its not progress.
but yes. its just a stupid minor injury that's not worth the sacrifice. so like everyone will say, 'hand in there'.
hah.
i will. will try, though knowing the outcome's not that hopeful.





then, went to changi airport to meet my mum and sis for dinner.
mum's bday. i know she secretly wants to go airport to celebrate because dad's dining presence can be felt most there.
hah. dad works there and we'd always eat dinner there after his shifts.
i'll never forget no. 24 bus ride home.
where i'll want to sit with my dad though he is smelly and covered in black oil stains.

honestly, i miss his smelly engine oil smelling body. and seeing him in that messy used-to-be white crumpled and tucked out uniform, with his 1960s retro specs.




missed my dad alot today.




so anyway. i parked at T2. then.
omg. the cash card thing happened again. same as bugis. now i know. for motorcycles, must keep to the right. lucky changi airport's alert. the guy over the speaker from the cashcard machine thing let me through.



so i parked.
i confidently rmbred putting my sidestand down.
so i leaned my bike to park as usual.
dammit. i think the sidestand totally did not catch it and i fell over, crashing into another bike beside. very luckily, the other bike was very old and on the main stand. so scratching it just adds on to the thousandandone scratches. it was a battered old maroon-ish vespa.


so in the process, i cut my finger and scratched my knee, and burning my legs with the hot engine.
the finger cut kept bleeding. though it was a small slit of my left 4th finger, it was deep.


i quickly got out of the fallen bike, staring at what i've done in disgust. i thought only this can happen in cdc. HAIZ. so i started wondering how the hell am i gg to pull my bike up when its totally flat out on the ground.

before i started malu-ing myself further by trying to lift the bike which i'm sure that its quite a feat and would take all the adrenaline to pull it off, i saw 2 malay uncles walking towards me.


both of them are engineers. just like my dad. same shift- shift c (noted by the green line on the pass). i thought of my dad.
but really, thank God.

they helped me pull my bike up. and while watching them, they were actually struggling to do so. omg. imagine me, alone.
one of them told me that the other one's gd in bike. i was super relieved.
coz i noticed some fuel leaking out from my bottom of my bike. i got scared. coz the tube seemed dangling. he told me that it's just excess fuel and not to worry.


then i tried to start my bike again to check, can't. so he help me.
still can't. he said smth wrong to his other friend in malay. after abt 3 mins fiddling with my bike, the bike could start again. (: !
amen.



then i thanked them left the scene while they were getting on their bikes. i was given nice advice to park in the lot that's nearer to the lift lobby rather that there.





what a day.
i thank God for protecting me thus far. and really, i will not take this whole bike and safety thing for granted.




haze from the tampines' burning trees have filled my house.

OCBC Cycle, well...

some fav shots of the day...






the long awaited OCBC cycle is back again.
its probably the biggest cycling event in Singapore. and after it's successful 2009 1st attempt, this yr saw an increased in 50% of its participants.
and thus, another 50% increased forecast for next yr. hah.



for us, we signed up with the 40km event again. but this yr, its more of shooting than riding. hahas. last yr, there was a delay of abt 1hr. this yr, i guess they've probably learnt. everything was more or less on time.
we... missed the last flag off wave by a few mins. the last wave was set to go off at 645am.


we were there around 7am. but very very unfortunately, i left my helmet outside my house. i.e, no helmet, no ride. so i went to secretly borrow a helmet from the bike rental shop. really, thank God.
really.


we're told to flagoff only with the 20km riders at 7.30am.
so, we waited at the start up point for a gd 20mins to be flagged off with the 20km riders.



though we felt so... trapped and stuck in a category that we couldn't call it ours, seeing the 40km finishing riders speeding though the finishing line was inspiring. at that time, the finishers weren't the pro- pros... but more like the avg sporty bulk of singaporeans who like to cycle fast and stuff, and still, clocking in good time for a 40km.



maybe, once i'm more equipped with $$ and time, i'll just go and do longd.
hahas. but for now, just be settled with my trail.


so.. we disciplined-ly waitied for the buzzerrrr...
and my dear friend's didn't want to wear the jersey coz this yr's cutting's a little tighter. hahs. act cool.
but ok la, cool. ahhahhahas.



quite sad.
coz after abt 6km, there was arldy a water pt at ECP.
and after that water point, we realized that the 40km route was closed alrdy.
damn sad.


so, we spent like 15mins spamming photos since it was the gd ol' morning sun lighting.

















so yes. whole day, we just spammed the cam, like as if roads were closed for us. we even managed to get 'hurried' by the marshal on the bike to signal the last riders off b4 closed routes get opened.









on of the 20km rider with his kid behind. :D




supports/ marshals that should be recognized in some way.. ahhas.


















he's a nikon user. probabl a 300mm f/2.8?


and another fun photographer. ahhs.


we're cheering suan on to wheely all the way pass the finishing line, and even got the supporters at the side to cheer for him b4 getting warned by the security at the line. AHHAH..



and these are just some shots. more, and i mean like abt 200 more... can be found on my fb album here.

on my speedometer, we travelled abt 27km around.. coz some parts of the 40k route was opened. but the sad thing is, (as adviced by the marshal) our timings would be DNQ, i.e did not qualify.
HAIZ. so, getting the medals weren't really satisfying or what. just.. ok lor. hahas.







but ok la, though drained from thinking of how to enhance our cycling experience, we had fun. ahhahs.

this helmet served me well. infact, it's in better condition than mine.


the guy in the middle's i/c of the bike rental, also the one who secretly played a big part in me being able to just ride today. ahhas. and and... graciaaa! who was found with him when i was returning the helmet! (:
we'd always meet in such events. good, good. ahahhahas. (:


we made friends with the ppl with fixies (i think). cool zhenged up simple bikes. ahhas. we saw them on our way to the race at bra baseh macs at 630am in the morning and saw them again after the event, so we decided to take a grp photo. ahhahs.


ok. and the big ocbc helmet.
abit corny. but cool la. ahhas.



so, the event ended just like that for us. w/o any sweat from the riding but more because of the hot hot and very hot (but relatively cooling already for the past few days) weather. hahs.


then went to subway at Marina Sq to eat.
urban ride in hot aft sun was a killer. coz we're night riders and not riders who ride urbanly in the morng/aft. morngs = trail.



and totally died in the air-conditioned place after eating well. hahas.





totally slept. they played with my camera and even shot me while slping with flash and i didn't even know. ahhahs.


and through haji lane...




and...
went back with Dickson to bedok and pasir ris respectively.
we totally needed a cool bath.
we used the usual geylang. very different from the night. cars there are like all out to kill bikers/cyclists. then almost died at steep kembagan climb.

reached home. the toliet felt like a place of refuge from the hot circle of fire from the outside world.


so yes, that's this yr's event for us. well, from a very different perspective.