stressed

i'm really stressed now.
(and i dun really like to admit when i'm stress. but this time's different)

tmr's impt game with NTU.


sat's SUNIG for bowling.
i really want this. really really badly. i think in all my nationals/polite/sunig, i've nv wanted smth so badly this yr.
i'm gg all out to fight this yr.
u can bet on me.


this is because..
1) i'm giving up suing contact for this.
2) i'm not able to go AUG roll offs because it clashes with Bali 7s
3) its the last academic yr tt i can really bowl competitively
4) i've screwed up pbc masters, replucked, got new inserts, figure out my probs, and have no excuse but to focus
5) ok, i think i wanna make SIM proud. its not gg to be a easy nor hard fight. i think can is can.


yea.
everything is can. but is just hard to say. on competition grounds, whoever wins is not the team with stronger technical skills, but the team who wants it more and her heart. and that applies for all the sports that i've come across.




i went for tap today. after 5 months.
and omg. they have completed 2 whole stage dance.
ballet has completed 1 and on the 2nd one.
i'm quite doomed. coz the performance in dec and i've got to get back in physically and learn the 4 dances by oct.
rugby has made my thighs really tight for ballet.
gotta really stretch it out.







ok. and yes.
main/final exams end oct.



i've really gotta plan my time wisely and execute them well.
i dont really have a choice but to be discipline and work hard.


what a way to end off my 'youth/studying' phase.
not really ended la.but this is my last official academic year though.





mentally, i gotta pull things together.
i need to really set my short term goals to reach my long term goal. coz its really very scary to look at everything at once.
looking at it, i get scared and nervous.
so the best way out now is to look at the small steps, and measure how much time do i need to carry out all my tasks, and do it well.
and i have to work really hard w/o any excuses.



and, i cannot break down now.
and, i need to rely on God for strength. and in faith.



and by dec, looking back at now, i think i'll be very proud of myself.
BUT, i cannot fail. i have to succeed.
i have to.


marian, COME ON. u can do it. seriously.

clash

omg. AUG roll-offs clash with Bali 7s.

WHY.
always like that.
):
bowling and rugby really dont go tgt ah!


ok. i really wanted a fighting chance yea.
now probably the only way is to do extremely well in SUNIG.
and i really mean extremely well, till no one expect kind.
ya, amen.



replucking twisted with new inserts did work out for me today.
i wanna thank Uncle Jack for making bowling not so painful mentally. in a way, its kinda like, make me wanna bowl better again. coz there's the fwelling ah.




HAIZ. come on.
david asked us to go home and think about our goals for sunig.
i think team, we can fight for silver. gold abit hard. but i think if we're mentally tgt wanting it, i think should be can. tough, but i still think can. hahahs.
doubles. err. hahas. i think must see how much i really want it.

ok luh. team gold; doubles bronze. hahas.
masters/singles.. hmm. i think i just wanna execute my routine well, pick up all my spares and trust myself. ahhahs. ok la. aim for top 3. hahahhahas.



i should say those goals with more conviction right.
POON MARIAN. COME ON.


since i'm alrdy not gg for contact sunig, i should not waste bowling. MAKE IT a worthy sacrifice ya.


ya, and i'm still praying for a severe thunderstorm on sat afternoon. (i think at nus). PLLEEAASE!



right now, i'm just feeling the sadness of the clashes.
first sunig. now aug roll-offs.
TMD.
WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY. ):

pre pre pre

thurs' THE game with NTU.
probably the deciding one for Sunig.
it is gg to interesting and i think a very very tough fight.

sat.
i still can't get over that bowling and contact Sunig is on the same day.

but anyways.
it's impt for SIM bowling.
AUG selections as well.



blacks trng today.
the sun was too hot.
so hot that when chongfu poured ice over van and it spilled all over the floor, i felt like picking them up to eat. hahas.




okok.

to just type emo stuff out, (songs on the radio just keep hitting that spot.)
idk why i've thought of u again. just a whizzed past thing.
maybe coz u didn't wish me happy bday on my 21st. HAHA. PETTY.

but seriously, i dont know what i want ya.

for now, i should focus hardcorely on my sunig seasons and exams end oct.
once hit nov, i'd probably be planning and giving more thought abt life alot more.

but right now i just hope that u're happy? kinda i guess.
and that u'll be back to the friend i once know.
(HAHAH. i totally forgot and just typed out his nickname and immediately changed it. hahas. not as if u all duno also though.ok la. act mysterious abit can.) hahhs

no, seriously.
its not that i really personally know what kind of person u are right now, but i've heard stuff abt u still.
i wont judge or bother to evaluate and be all concerned for u. u've probably grown up and know what are the paths u wanna take alrdy. (i hope by now!)
but yes, i will miss u.
not as a boymore than friend,
but as the only one who really understood me the most then, as a friend, and as a really gd brother.

ya. and u're still on my pray list, everynight.
i think its more of a habit than anything else now.

You Are My Strength - Hillsong (cover), JS

fit.nesss

zomgs.

i really almost died today.


NTL. we had 9 players.
3 subs.
TOTALLY DIED pls.
no energy to call for smth. saw the gap but the legs just cant push it on.

after the game.
each time, i like to hear elf speaks.
she's not only very experienced, she says things that really true, encouraging and makes u give some thought abt it.
i really think its an honour to play with her.

but i think everyone almost died.

the weather was really merciful.


then 1.50pm WTL.
8 players.
2 subs.
(fyi. a full team is 14 players ya, 6 to be on the field)
wahs. rainnzz.


i was reallly really tired. everyone was abit frustrated because of the low attendance and no sub situation. but i think no one wanted to give up.
hahas. i think we really wanted to hang in there. but physically, we're not there enough to execute what our mental tells us to.
i mean, yea, at the end of the day, its really abt the mental. but its like. the body really can't push off the muddy ground though the mind tells u to. quite bad.
most of us were like.. what happened to the ferocious, committed, united thing.
i think it was also frustrating for those who wanted the team to do well in this league. i think alot of us are not on the same grounds. we should have sat down, have a team goal thing so that everyone's on the same page.
one of us said today, " we didn't sign up to play like that". and i think its true.

we've still got round 2 of the league. and i pray that we will get it back, hungrier.





next 2 wks, i'll be outta the scene.
next week, Sunig for bowling/contact.
and then, i'll be in Bali for Bali 7s the following week.




so i came home. feeling very weak and unable to recover.
had a nice long warm bathe
and almost fell in the toliet. ok, i admit. i sat down to bathe coz i was just damn tired. HAHHA.



really wanted to study. but i couldn't! was damn nua. even 987fm 98fm made me tired. so i switched to class95 and gold90fm. hahas.
play com/itouch/lie down also not.
was just very tired and restless.

went out to watch tv. i think i drifted in and out of slp while drinking ice milo or smth?



was just burnt out.




and that really made me note one point: work on ur fitness
i really think the lacking of swimming time is showing. i used to swim like 40laps b4 touch trng once a wk. and now, i am always procrastinating.

and i think overall, that make me a very lazy person. and its kinda affecting my studies.





i am actually very scare for the exams now.
i can't find a place to study. ):
ok luh. its not that. I AM JUST PLAIN LAZY. so shut up and stop giving excuses.
come on. u really dont want to fail any modules this sem right?!


i've never not clear any modules in my entire life and i failed one in sem 1.
tio scared liao.
i dun want things to repeat huh. so work hard now so that u've really got no reason to regret later. pls pls!!

SUNIG- 1st game

AWESOME.
we won! (:

3-1 over NUS.


but it was a really tough fight.
both teams wanted it alot.



i can't really rmbr, but i know that SIM wanted it very badly too. its the first time we had trngs, and a coach and a gd mix.
with 2 men absent, we had to really ON to take on a team that has been trng hard and probably more fitter.

i rmbr after abt 14mins in the first half, as a winger, i had lotsa space. so 3v2. clair passed to me and i scored.
i was confident that it was a try so i ran back with the ball and all. everyone clapped and getting ready to defend the next play.
basket. then the refree from THE OTHER LONG SIDE said it was a forward pass. so NO TRY.
tmd. everyone was cursing out softly.

honestly arh, not being biased, it wasn't a forward pass coz i can rmbr clearly that clair was infront of me, and she had to turn to face me to make that pass and i rmbr i was running damn hard, not even sure if i could reach in time to catch and score.
but when i did, its a forward. so i am sure its not.

reaching half time. still 0-0. and then. BEEEEEPP. we were in possession of the last play.
again, 3v2, i think bel passed and i dived to score.
so, 1-0 to us!! (: nicely at the half time.


i think it was very uplifting and it also made NUS hungrier.

i can't really rmbr the game now. ahhas.
but i know that theres one, CC broke through as half. i was super free coz man on and no one marked me. cc passed to me but it bounce off me and dropped ball. SAD MAN. i could hear the AWWWW from the specs stand.

but ok la.
i think i did relatively well. made a few gd decisions on defence as a winger. first time playing winger officially on the field.

NUS scored one in the middle coz there was a miscomm during our defence line at that time. but i think that made us calm ourselves down and not rush things.

so overall, it could have been a 5-1 if the ref didn't denied us of our tries. and even a 6-1 if i caught that ball that was totally meant to score.
but oh wells.

i think as a whole, i'm quite proud of the team coz we took the whole thing really seriously and wasn't lazy nor complacent. i think some of us were definitely more experienced in terms of playing yrs on the field, but i'm just glad that everyone worked hard today and didn't let ourselves nor the sch down.


hahas. b4 the game, nv felt so nervous b4.
the last most nervous game tt i can rmbr was in bangkok during asian champs.
that one i was player centre.
but today, even as a winger, i was quite nervous. maybe not as nervous as during the asian champs, but nervous enough to make me go to the toliet and try to block out lots of thoughts.


but just wanna thank God for today. (:







so.
it was raining heavily in the afternoon.
contemplated if i should go to the bike shop to do my headlight first coz it was rainninngg.
but i went in the end.


everywhere was wet.
along the 33km route, i met up with 2 accidents and did one big boo boo.
HAHA. at eunos, u know, this BIG cross junction to PIE.

omg. totally didn't see the red arrow. it was green light to go straight though.
i made my right turn halfway, realized that the trucks behind all stop, cars ahead of me are moving everywhere.
so i stopped.
omg. CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE.

then the front right were turning at me.
followed by the left side turning left.
(i thought finally my turn. but no).
one more left turn by cars on my right.
and i was in the middle of the road. literally. RIGHT SMACK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BIG CROSS JUNCTION.
MALU PLS.
some cars horned at me for my awkward presence. hahas.
and whole time, i was trying to re-position myself so that cars can go.



i think sure kena fine or smth. was staring at the traffic camera.


but really, THANK GOD that everyone was paying attention to their roads.
so that was my big booboo.




on the jammed PIE. reaching the accident site, ambulance was chionging there.
was slightly behind the ambulance and was watching how cars faithfully give way and turn out.
so the ambulance stopped at the site.
passed it and saw the motorist. his white shirt stained with blood. duno what happened. but the was pressing on his head and in constant complaint. i think involving a small pickup.
looked quite bad though. the bloody part.




then reaching Pioneer road north, still on the cold PIE, ahhhahahas. this one funny.
one medium sized lorry stopped on the left of the road... quite wierd. no wheels.
wasn't really jammed until abt 200m later. everyone stopppedd. infront the road was clear. hahas. so as a motorcyclist, i went up. HAHAH.
saw 1 traffic police stopping all 5 lanes, in order for 2 man to push 2 huge wheels to the side of the road. ahhahs. 1 man take one. HAHHAHA. DAMN FUNNY.
i think they damn stressed can. all the cars and bikers looking at them push.





yea. so that was my exciting 33km long weeeett ride to pulau NTU.



next game, vs NTU. this is probably gg to be a tougher match.
coz today, we saw how they played against SMU. in the first 8mins, they score 5.
i duno what's the score, but they were really playing together and there was lots of follow through and finishing.

oh wells. that's gg to be next thurs.




tmr's NTL and WTL.
(:
may the weather clear up yea!




but i just wanna thank God for keeping me safe today.

nuaster

ok. it was raining really heavily today.
i procrastinated.. BUT. i did managed to do what i wanted to do.

i finally made specs.
and cut my hair.



both for sunig yea. bowling and rugby respectively.
actually.. the hair's like no difference. i highlighted abit. but i think it got darker and no diff.
but glad that its slightly shorter to stop it from irritating my neck.


then i went for trng.
it wasn't a gd one for me.
plus, tmr's the first game yea.



:l




idk what i'm feeling now.
just really... blech.





ok. so,
well done for doing what u need to do. but. omg. u took the whole day to do that.





i need to start swimming and running in the morng and then study.
i shall do that on monday.

i have not study. and i am not doing well.
come on. u know the feeling of feeling regretful and all.
the choice is urs,
the chance is now.
stop thinking that u've got time and for goodness sake, since u can't live a life that's not filled, FILL IT.



idling ur time around is.... a WASTE.




ok. so. its tmr, 8.15pm game at pulau NTU.
will top up full tank for a to and fro trip . hahas.




and yes, keep praying for HEAVY HEAVY LIGHTNING CLASS 3 RAIN on 2ND OCT. (no injuries needed). just a MAJOR POSTPONE FOR CONTACT SUNIG.
no, i am not testing God. just trying my luck faith.





with all the fml/emo/blech-ness,
was looking at chris' photo album of him and serene. and really, it was very pleasant and gave me hope and belief.
they're just so so sweet, genuine happiness tgt forever kind.
how encouraging, seriously!
that's what i wished that my photographs can bring.


but i guess if the photographer's heart's not there,
no amount of exposure, shutter speed, aperture will bring such genuine joy and hope.

rainnnn

ok. i wore shoes today, so it rainnned.
but thankfully, it rained after i reached sch.


bought my macbk cover! finally.


tried to study. but didn't.

sm class test out.
failed by 1 mark. and i really feel that i'm a big time failure. like come on.
how can u fail a 15m MCQ when u studied for it right?!
loser.
i REALLLY need to study damn hard for my finals and STOP thinking that i've got all the time in the world when i dont.
i need a study place. (airport t1 BK no more.)
trng's at night. so stop taking them as excuses.
come on marian. i know u can make life more exciting. u can start from.... tomorrow.


gonna cut/dye hair tmr.
make specs. study, then train.
make sure u do it.






trng.
bowling.
still very under.
):








EVERYONE, PRAY TOGETHER WITH ME THAT THERE WILL BE A THUNDER STORM ON 2ND OCT. FROM 8AM-5PM.
LIKE THUNDER + STORM AND LIGHTNING KIND YA. PRAY PLS. THANKS.

clashess

SUNIG FOR CONTACT AND BOWLING IS ON THE SAME DAY.




ARGH.






so. been trng so much for contact and this has to happen.
tmd.
if like i'm in team 2 for bowling like last yr, i'll really will not bowl lor. but no more girls alrdy. i don't really have a choice.
what's best- AUG selections.


ugh. that's what i always fear. 30 over days to choose from, but it always happen like that. 2nd OCT.
):
i'm just very sad and disappointed.





i went for ballet class today.
1.5 hrs of it. totally jia lat. almost died.
can't do simple stuff. rugby made my muscles damn stiff and hard. needa loosen it all up!
recitals' in 1st wk of dec. thanks to sch, i've missed the whole learning process. i've got like a only 2 months to catch up. ):
quite stressed.




bought insurance today also.
lionel frm GE. ahhas. he's a rugger too. SA somemore.
big nice guy! l





otw home, riding through the F1 road, with all the biggg lights, i felt like an F1 racer. hahas. bet other car drivers also. change lane sharply all no signal. hahs.





was turning to my guit just now.
haven't played in ages.
the sticker's like always there, but meaningful at times like this.




stumbled across this song on youtube also.
dunno the song, but it speaks to me.
again, God is always timely even though i'm so so far away from Him.








i'm so random tonight.
sept's always been a crazy month. and so is oct, nov and dec.
let's just say the end of the yr's always the crazy phase and that's were we use what we have learnt during the 1st half of the year to apply in the 2nd half of the yr.



make it or break it, you ownself decide.

day spent

so how did i spent my day.

not very exciting at all.
lonely i guess. hahas.

woke up late.
went to uncle jack's at cbc to get my balls.
bowled a very lonely 4 game to try out the balls.


rode to changi v to get subway.



then to trng at csc, 1 hr early.



trained..
then amanda and sz surprised me with cake! (:
so touching lorrr.
they always do this kind of sweet nice things.
(:
thank u amanda!



look at the wishes from fb!



this is w/o those who used their iphone to wish me. hahas.
i tried to be sincere by replying each and everyone. and i did!


some photos from trng!










and ytd after the singapore rugby 7s series..

eve planned a bday dinner with church friends. hahas. at the Central again. ahhas




then met suan to pass him his grips at TH.







): that u didnt wish me happy bday. but whatever!




i'm not sure if i should train hard for AUG coz i know where i stand since nobody believes in me.
for sunig. whatever la. just wanna perform my best and not screw up.
everythings so last min.
and things wont be nice if no one believes in ur potential.

gd night.


to be alittle negative, i think bowling killed my 21st.
but hahs. whatever!
just do my best and dun give excuses.

21st alrdy sioll.

whokays.

as of 2am, i've got 80 friends wishing me happy birthday on fb! hahas.
i think, out of which, 10% probably really rmbr / same bday as me.
BUT. WHO CARES. THANKS FOR THE WISHES!
i'm not really a bday person, but i'm happy when ppl wish me happy stuff. (:
sp, thanks for the celebration/dinner and stuff.



all kinds of social networking. facebook, tweet, sms, bbm.
ahahas. totally.



21st alrdy man. can't believe i'm alrdy 21.
when we're like teenagers, 21's like... wah. so old.
now we're 21, its scary.


ppl celebrate their 21st big time.
ppl ask me to hold some celebration.
ahhhas. but i guess i'm not so much into those big birthday bash kinda person.
1) financial loss.
2) invite one, must invite all..
3) too many friends, i can't spend time with all.
4) too many grps of friends, dunno what to do.
5) been planning events since forever. too sian of it.
6) shy ah.


hahas. okok. no. 6 dun count la. ahhahs
but i was thinking, i should like hold this party, entrance fee is any amount. process will go to the MPF (Marian Poon's Funds). preferably $5 and above. entrance fee, food and logistics included. hahhahahas.
then right, have ppl given groups. play team bonding games. HAHAHAHHAHHHHAS. so everyone know each other.
ahhas. got name tag and all.
HAHAHAHA. jokes.



but ok la.
seirously.
21st.



its probably a wake up call for me.
i dont know i know, but we just wanna live in our comfort zone and over choose things that are better for us.
for me, i just wanna clear all my exams this sem. if can, with distinctions!.
then, sign on SCDF.
but i feel like having a buffer half-yr period. like just survive on mac delivery and meet up with friends for dinners.
but then again, i wanna be the youngest female fireman snr officer (if i didn't miscalculate).


that's stage one.


stage 2, probably jump to the paramedics side. /part-time study an aerospace degree if possible. if not, dip/ or some SIA course.



stage 3. SIA fire department. and still studying some part time aerospace thing.


stage 4. Repair aeroplane. make flying safer.


ultimate stage 5: with CPF and $$ saved, travel round the world. (maybe on a motorbike if i'm still physically abled to /interested in). probably find another grp of ppl to do so with me. AHHA.






Sports wise,
i'm not sure about bowling. but i'll keep gg on in touch and rugby. i'd probably wanna focus more on contact before i really can't play contact anymore. ahhahas.
u should see how the 30 yr olds run in tournaments. as they get older, they run faster and look younger.
(part from wing who has zero change; neither looking younger nor older while marli keeps looking younger.)
maybe start leisure trekking, climbing or smth? hahhas.
mountain biking? i'll still continue. not to a pro level, just for leisure and excitement.




Arts wise,
i wanna be a pro musician. by then i wanna be like pro-ed in piano and flawless in the guit.
i wanna change the world with music. my music. amplify God to through music. its gg to be like a music with intro abt God to ppl who duno know or dun believe in my faith.
i also wanna change the way how the world works with my photos. i want ppl to love the world more, and make the world a better place to live in through my photos.
dance? hahas. errr. i'll just take photos of them. HAHAs.





yup. getting serious doesn't mean no fun.
i wanna be even more cheerful and positive.
i want to encourage and inspire ppl who are younger than me.
and, i will be more disciplined and responsible.
that's a promise to all, and myself.



more imptly.
i wanna be healthy. minus all the knee pain and ankle pain that i'm actually feeling right now. yea, now as in even when i'm typing this. hahahhas.
i want my family to be all happy and healthy.
(:



abt finding my other half, i'm not really bothered for now.
i'll just pray abt it and i'm sure god's got a plan that he's not sharing with me for now.
i dun want to worry abt it, think abt it or get negative emotions towards it. (:




thanks.



so yup. (:



i am gg trng tmr night becuase coach smsed me "make sure all the girls team turn up for trng tmr". ahhas.
awws. actually i'm planning not to go.. not because of my bday (because i dun skip trngs for value-less reasons), but partially coz of what he said. he said "if u dun bring all ur equipments on mon, u dont bowl". basically, 2 of my major balls are at uncle j's, and he cant promise me that he can give me by mon since i only gave him my equipment on thurs. but since uncle j msged me that i can go down by mon! (: ok, i'll go trng then.



cheers for sportspooon.
oh yea. and congrats to many of my friends whose commissioning parade's on last sat, 18 sept. (:
jojo, nigel, lewis, wilson... and i think i've missing out alot more.

Rugby

played 3 games in total today.
it could have been 5 games man!

1) NTL -11am

Eastside Vipers vs Westside Tigers
4-6

11am. we're down with subs.
for me, what i can take away from the game is what alv said during the debrief.... "on defence, u should make them do what u want them to do". that really made me give quite alot of thought abt it.

i didn't sub at all. yup, at all. ahhaas. aiya. was winger. so can tahan. hahas.
but i made 2 major mistakes in defence. 1) i didn't kill. 2) i didn't trust.
and i think that let in 2 tries.
for attack. quite limited. i feel that i can perform on attack in the middles. but, i always duno what to call/do when i'm with v experienced players.
but ok luh. gd to learn stuff from fellow players today.
again. i need confidence.


2) WTL -1.50pm
Tpiranhas Exclusive vs UWC
8-0

hahas. i think we did alright. got alittle frustrated when the moves could not be executed. defence-wise, women's B not that bad. so should use this opportunity to absorb things in for defense and get better.
but i scored one when i came in for short! shortie really works and i think we should try and use it!



3) Singapore Rugby 7s- 12.20pm 3.20pm 7pm

at Bishan stadium.
first time playing at bishan stadium.
whoas. the grass super nicee. and its super big and, spectator-friendly.
shy man. every move u make can be seen by everyone.
hahahs.

so. won 2 lost 1.
1st game couldn't make it. (actually if i planned my timing properly, i think i could have made it!)
2nd game, came late. so didn't really play.
3rd game played. hAHAH. against NUS
quite funny. saw sylvia running.. needed to tackle her. but i saw her knee.. so i was like.. aiya. can't try to tackle low, scared her knee. so i go high. since i'm short, i dun think my high tackles would be high anyways. AHHAH.

but ok luh. i need to be more aggressive i guess. tend to mentally drift off on the field.
and like what liyan told me, when i break through, and the def touch me, i then to slow down. its like a touch-instinct thing. she told me to stay strong and just keep pumping and dun look back. just go.





and basket. the game interval time is too long alrdy!!! 3hrs, 4hrs? tsk tsk! should put like Womens in the morng, guys after that or smth.



hahas.
so yup.
i'm pretty burnt and tired now.
tmr, round 2 on nice grass. gd nite.

oh yea.

came in quite long ago.. was at leelian's bf's place. hahas.
today, i got it. OH YEA.

all the riding on hari raya paid off. hahas.
i am a super happy biker now.
the knee guard is so super comfortable. there's like side padding also. never felt so shiok wearing protective guards b4. (:
wearing skins now also. hahahas.
feels so spoilt now. hahas
but ok luh. after trng today. haas. and gotta recover for sat's 9-8pm of rugby.



today trng.
well. was quite abit frustrated.

i think those who duno the moves / nv come trng, should at least have some urgency to find out what u've missed/can't rmbr.
eh. there's like fb, twitter, msn, email, bb, whatsapp... for anyone to ask anyone lorrr.
seriously!

then ah. on the field. yea, some of us are tired. but i think that should not stop us from wanting to keep gg on as a team.
COME ON.
I dunoo if its just me or what, but i want to win this. blatantly, i wanna hold the defence line against nus, ntu, smu and make them panic on defence. dun wanna waste this opportunity yea!


i think i've also learnt today that if my teammates shout at me (as in per normal kind), i shouldn't keep thinking that its my fault. great players do make their bad decisions too i ya. i mean, in touch, everyone on the field shouts at each other, including myself. what i'm trying to say is, sometimes, i really shouldn't keep thinking abt myself.
just let go. let loose. run. and whack.



yup. and. went to uncle jack to do my balls.
he told me 27th sept. i was like... errrr.. CANNOT! NEXT WK PLS!
what a risky move. sunig's 2nd oct man. i rlly dun wanna screw this up big time.



every post is abt trng hur. hahas.



just now, i got so irritated with my fringe that i went to the kitchen to take a pair of scissors and cut it. W/O MIRROR ya. how brave.. hhhaas. messy is the new look ya. ahha
aiya. whatever. next wk must cut hair alrdy. i dun like it tickling my neck when i'm running.





ahhas. one of my tweets today:
get real. airplanes in the night sky can't be shooting stars. u know it. so stop pretending.


seirously.



and then other song.. "i miss missing u". its like.. ENOUGH. can't u get more emo than that. ahhahs.

repluck

2 wks from sunig, and the pressure is on.
for.. bowling.


today's trng, was just ver stressed up. things not gg right.
too many things to even begin it.



its always like 2 wks b4 sunig than make the changes. i mean like. wth.
means what, trng wasn't effective until u realized that u're down with just a team of 4?
idk man. but i know for bowling, it has become a habit that i take trng seriously. even if i dun want, i still make my shots count. its smth that i've been trained for since sec sch under the cba coaches and uncle jack and so on.

sunig 2 wks away, but i dun feel a team improving together. i just feel a team, trying to make gd numbers, trying to win the title w/o damn hard work. its not abt complacency i guess, just not working hard enough to deserve a title.

i'm gg to repluck my ball. yes, 2 wks b4 sunig. means, i've got 2 wks to work really hard.
and yes, sunig's on 2nd oct, 8am.
i've got touch sunig on 1st oct, 8.15pm till late at NTU.
pray, that i do not injure myself not pull any muscle.
i dun wanna screw up. if i do, i will screw it all the way.





forget it.
supper with them after trng always makes things better.



i also realized that i've been riding with no headlights!!think the bulb blew or smth.
no wonder my high beam no effects. And I hit 140km/h today. No car... So just go only lor.... Take it as road trng.


came home..
mum surprised me with this! (:






hahahas. just last night, she can't tahan alrdy.. so she told me.. "ger ah, i got smth for ur bday leh. u want now or not?" i was like.. "er.. 21st.. aiya. on the day itself la. better". ahahhas.
then today, she buay tahan, give me.

whoas. same pattern as the one i lost. abit diff, but still the same.

(:



i'm really happy. i didn't know when she got the time to buy man. (:
thank you. hahas.

i think its reallly an encourage from a bad trng day.



come one. make this september a gd one.
get the drive.
work hard. work hard. work hard.


erm. academically also yea. exams end of oct. u dont have much time/options.

early celebratess

bad things first, i did nt go BB's revision lect. totally can't wake up for it.
i mean, i woke up at 7.15am and then went back to slp. and i had 3 dreams of me waking up, gg to brush my teeth, and gg to the carpark. same. each time i look at the clock/watch, its a jumble of numbers. ahhas. then when i really finally woke up, i stared at the clock for a really long time.. (probably for able 10sec) and found out that, yes, its 10.20am and u have totally missed BB lect.
JIA LAT.

so met the girls for our planned projects-all-clear lunch at Zi Bao Ji! Just beside our sch. its really super nice.
like a walkable 200m from sch!
has a very malaysian feel. (:









it was supposed to be just lunch. but they surprised me! (: thank u. hahas.










then we went KAP's island creamery! (: nicceee.


this is damn coool luh! hhahas. if got fireman, niccee. ahhash.
but its cute and cool enough. ahhahs







then went trng at TP.
surprised to see SIM guys having friendlies at tp. hahas.


then..met up the IMF gang to celebrate gab and i's bday. hahas. and serena's gg back off to Manchester again. ):
WATAMI; at the Central.

food's goood. service's quite bad and really like 0 trng.
the 3 of us shared a set. and its like damn cheap. $49.90 for all these food and one more plate somewhere. hahas. shiok right!!


















thank u friends. (:



really, i dun expect much for bdays. just the company over gd food's makes me very happy. ahhas.
and i think, this wk, i am gg to put on lots of weight. i will train hard hard at the same time yea!! hahas (:

FREEEED

(:

LAST SUBMISSION TODAY. and tmr though.
hahahas. ((:



no more academic projects FOREVER!! (hopefully)

today, i drilled both by balls at uncle jack's.
(: the feel's damn gd , so much clearance.


HOWEVER, it made me feel very differently towards my Twisted.
so , since coach wasn't around for trng today, was just experimenting with the ball.

i remove all the 7 tapes from Twisted man!


i'm like changing my release and timing.
i'm not sure what's the outcome gg to be like, but i know that i do not have time. 2 more sunig trngs, 2 more sch trngs.
i probably need to find time to bowl.
and yes, touch, contact sunig's around the corner too!
wanted to try out handball coz i heard its somewhat like touch. but really cannot find time for it.


for now, for bowling,
i'm just gg to work on the relax swing. and the rest should fall into place.


this wk's also the final wk of sch. revision wk.
after that.. NO SCH!



i will promise myself to make gd use of my time.
with sch's aside, i can finally focus no my sports. and also studyyying!


5 modules. no joke yea.






okok.


well done ju and lou for this sem! (:
WE'RE DONE MAN. (:
amen.

pbc masters

so i qualified for masters. but...
i've bowled all time low.
can't seem to move out of the-under-140.
seriously if i was in my end 2009yr form, i could have won the masters easily. and confidently.


10 games.
it was too much man!
but.. there's like a free jacket for those who made it for masters! (: personalized jacket somemore siol.
the colour is ugly. but its v v confortable.




so in the 10 games, i've really discovered alot abt myself.
both in the mental aspect of the game and the physical aspect of the game.


today's lane conditions were hard. diff lanes v diff. outside oily, front heavy. centre jumpy. i just had like 1-2 board area, around 12?! ahhahs.
the first game, everyone was struggling. i was like 4th with a 136 game or smth. hahas. then 2nd game, EUREKA. found that one area and line. then can. but then, coz it's 5 blocks of 2 games each. so after 2 games, we shift lanes. then evrything changes. haizz.



and in life, i've been giving myself too many excuses to not do well. can see it as a form of comfort, but ultimately, u're just cheating urself. ):
after 5 games, i sort of mentally gave up. then i wanted to like chill and for goodness sake, STOP muscling the ball and pulling my shots.. so i did just that, and my 180 game came in. it was a surprise.


so overall it was very bad and i was just v disappointed coz i've missed a chance for the step-ladders and sponsorship to milo.
i really believe i'm really a better bowler who is really off form. ahhas. i mean like, given my experiences luh. 170 avg is no prob. but i was really struggling for like a 150 avg today. TSK TSK.


there's many more bowling talk, but lets just skip that.
for now, my main focus is sunig. and things to work on.

1) free swing.
2) timing
3) consistency

i think with this 3 together, the scores will come. (:
i believe i've got enough experience to improve on these aspects with the limited amt of trng we have b4 sunig.



COME ONNN.



the bought this from the new NTUC downstairs of OCC.
(: $3.50 for this whole big thing.





then the LEAD CAMP bbq. (:
gd to just meet up and talk nonsense.




honestly, didn't want to go for it coz of the projects amounting. but ok luh. miss them. so yea. i wwent.
homed, and i'm really really tired.


9am contact trng. till abt 12pm.
then bowling from 1-7pm STRAIGHT.
10 games.
if i played step ladders, i'd probably be a living zombie by now.



saw fb photos.



missed Worship retreat...
actually means...
quite alot to me? hahas



i wanna play the guitar again.
i wanna jam on the piano again.
and mess with all the band instruments.


i srlys think that if all my time with sports is spent on music, i can actually use music to amplify God towards Singapore.
i seriously believe that i have the potential to do so.
i've nv felt so compelled and confident in such a task undone.

its been so long since i've felt this stressed.
i need a friend.

but then again.
forget it.

deliveerrryyy

ok. i worked from 10-9pm today.
24 deliveries with just a half an hour break.
made new chinese rider friends today. HAHA. nonsense bunch of ppl.



gosh. today.
it really felt like a session of fitness. just that i get $$ back.
rain shine rain rain shine rain.

i feel that its very worth it and i'm rich.
siglap hub today. so more tips.
but the opportunity cost is doing my project and sufficient rest. i'm not sure if this is worth it, but, Public hol, u really get more $$.



lots of comments abt today. but i realllly have no time.


submission on mon.
9am trng and then masters tmr.
sunday trng/outing.

then another submission on tue i think.



i need a day to slp in.




come on marian.
just this 4 days. i'm sure u can do it!

perplexed

well. i change my fb status to 'its complicated'.
actually. i thought tt e status was just gg to be 'it's complicated". but it turned out to be "is in a relationship and it's complicated".
aiya.

since like that, so might as well.

1) i'm confused and its really complicated
2) i just want guy friends to not be friends for other reasons.



ugh.


idk y, but i've been very negative not-driven these feew wks.
its really very random
not just the projects part, but the trng part as well.

haven't been really 'on' the field.
and idk why.
):



help?
pray.
and in faith.






current itouch wall paper now. how uplifting. hahas.




and had this for supper last night.
i was hungry so i decided to be creative with my food again. and its awesome.



see the chheeesse. (:

form

i feel so off form.

submissions burning everyone out. after after all the submissions, SUNIG, competitions after competitions and then u know it, exam.


dun really have much time ar.


i think time management is not enough.
need heart.
moree heart.






otw home today, i was really cold.
felt very vulnerable and needed a hug from a warm friend or smth.
ugh. dun like all this flowerflower feeling.


i need a Life.

build ups

i feel the build ups.

the project dues.
the season.


one excellent thing today is, i woke up early for lecture.
even had time to eat mac breakfast.
then went to lect on time.
and was damn awake in lect.
what an achievement



hahas. but towards afternoon, after lunch... sllpy man.
couldn't do work.
was quite irritable.



then went for friendlies with the national team.
raining and PIE was damn bad!!
i was like on gear 3. supposed to exit toapahyo. but buay tahan arldy! so i just zoomed into lornie and all.
i felt so pro. for some reason, i seemed to understand amk quite well.
hahas. i reached YCK man! didn't get lost!
but i was surprised to be late. coz i left sch at around 640pm.


during the game. ok luh. i feel very comfortable at the wing, wants to try and do more in the centre and have no idea of how to be a scrumhalf. ahhas. i think that sums up the feeling. i felt that i gave away too many penalties!!
but while watching the national team play, esp when tab, mun and wing played tgt. omg. damn nicee.
there's this time that tab did a m1 with mun and it was a very very long ball. and then liyan came in for a damn nice short.
but ref called foward pass to liyan. but it was damn nice.

yea. but i really need to work on my tackles. i need to make my tackles count. i think i'm not aggressive enough. 7s still ok. but if 10s or 15s , i dun think i can get that lucky.
but one gd thing today, my field positioning/timing allowed me to intercept 1 ball and caught the loose balls. bad is, when i caught it, i stun, then slow down. ahhas.

but ok luh. same old i-need-to-be-more-confident lor.



and i need to improve my fitness.
like seriousslyy.





then i went down for bowling.
didn't bring my eqipp down. so didn't bowl.
i think this yr really in deep trouble.
its really a do or die situation.

i have to bowl well yea.
coz there's only 1 girls team left. like wth!
and amanda's not gg to bowl with me.
chan le.

it looks like i really need to train well.
from some angle, it seems that AUG is within reach. but from another, its not at all.
and the roll-offs clashes with bali 7s also.
grrr.


loooks like sept and oct is gg to be 2 very impt months for me. i've got to proove myself. coz after bowling competitively for abt 8 yrs, i've not really achieved anything big yet. and its wasting my time, money and efffort.
now its really the time coz after this yr, no more alrdy. deciding if i should really stop competing seriously and focus on rugby and touch. its either aug or Milo for the last. but i think Milo's the more hopeful one.

but for now, i must do well for sunig.
if i were to partner nic, all the more, i have to do well. i really cannot afford to give any excuses to not be at my peak.
to look at it, its probably a opportunity that i should cherish or smth?


okok. even shorter goal, this sat, must achieve top 3 for masters!!. CAN ONE. its whether i'm able to focus and play my game or not. after last sat's perf, i'm really half half and near 0 confidence.
looks like i've got to be serious this wed trng. coz its the only trng i'll be having b4 sat.




haiz.



meanwhile.. projects.

Decisions over the wkend.

i made a few very wrong decisions over the wk end.


on sat.
i decided not to go for sim contact trng and ntl trng because i wanted to be ready for the last wk of pbc bowling league. i wanted to push up my ranking points, and then qualify for masters for the next wk. top 8 female makes it in.
yea, and on top of that, i've planned to skip stl. and could not make it in time for sim handball trng.

so, i did just that, but while bowling the 8 games, i was damn distracted. my heart wasn't on the lanes at all. i wasn't thinking abt the oiling patterns, the movements, the changes and all. some more, the alley was new. my heart was on the field. thinking of how my girls did for stl, what i've missed during trng, how would chris think of the first ntl trng, and how to make my way to handballt trng after that.


so, the results shown, of the 8 games, NONE of them were above 150. it kinda scares me coz i'm supposed to be near my peak also as SUNIG is a month's time away. literally. so, i was 2nd last for that wk.
but THANKFULLY, my past few wks did me justice so though i didn't do well at all, i still made it 5th with the ranking points and thus, qualified for masters.
so. come to think of it, bowl or dun bowl, i still would have qualified.
WTH.


so. bad decision. i gave up contact trng, ntl trng, stl league for smth that i 1)wasn't really impt 2)couldn't really focus on anyway. URGH. and the feeling of it all sucks.
and because the competition ended so late, i couldn't make it in time for handball. i really wanted to go handball trng coz it would be the first trng tt i'm able to go to. i wanna play sunig for handball. its my final sem in sim arldy and i hope to choing as much as i can.
(but of course, not at the expense of my sch work, coz if i fail any subs this sem, say hello to grad in 2012 ya. that's 2 yrs later.)



so sat was a flop.
at the night was much better.
i got so sian of life tt i wanted to wear a dress. ahahs. and i really did wear a dress out to meet my tp gang. ((: estee sixiu hakim dallas & roy.s. (:
hahas. wearing a dress while riding is no joke!
getting off and on the bike w/o zhao geng-ing is SKILL man.
and when u go on the expressway, everything flies. u need to carry a sling bag that has weight to keep ur skirt down.

ahahahs. super not convenient.
but i was smart enough to wear shorts underneath.
i dun like wearing dress, but for now, i'm probably liking the adventure of it. hahahs.




today, sunday.
worse.


it's the yellow ribbion run. signed up for it and totally missed it.
quite pissed with myself.
i mean like, last night, i was super excited, tying up my race tag and putting on my yellow shoe laces and stuff. then... didn't go.
why? because it was raining heavily.
i like running in the rain. but i dun like riding in the rain and then my shoes get all wet. getting my shoes wet while running is different. personal pref la. hahas.
but i was just very disappointed with myself. its the first time i've signed up for the 6k fun run over a 10km in hope to get a better timing, but no. i just had to miss it like that.



gggrr.
but i went trng! (:
the weather didn't make the team v excited abt trng. i took the chance to try and train w/o taping my ankle.. and tadah!! its ok w/o the tape alrdy! (: FREEDOM. buut. ahhahs. after warm up, my left knee was hurting. it has been hurting for a wk now. i dun think its anything major i hope. so i just taped it up anyway. damn. ahhahas. have to use tape again. hahah


so after that. went ppl macs to do work.
guess who dropped by! suannss. hahahas. (:
was fun. but in the end, didn't do much work.
hahas.








so yea. that's my bad wk end.
i have learned that, i was once disciplined, and now, i'm not.

for this wk, my objective would be a disciplined student and player.
seriously.






well.. here's some iphoto booth photos.


















been soo long since i've sat down and blog abt my thoughts. i think blogging is still a gd platform for the blogger as well. but i think the blogging trend is at its decline while social networking means are just on the rise. like twitter, a shorter of form that's stealing all the limelight.




oh yea. after soooo long of not thinking of u, i dreamt of u last night.
it wasn't a nightmare or anything. infact, it was a very pleasant dream. very very random and unexpecting.
i dreamt tt u me and utama are really gd friends. like bff kind. it was really realistic. we're like brothers. we can like do many things together, play together, do sports and share all kinds of thing under the sun. we're like so close until like we can share the same bed to sleep. DONT GET ME WRONG. normal sleep ya. hahahas. that's how close. like brothers for life.

then later in the dream, u kinda drop many hints.
that u wanted to get back. u were sorry for being pointless and all.
i can't rmbr what i replied back, but i just knew that i wanted to keep the 3 of us as best friends all the way.
it was really a too detailed dream.
sad that i can't rmbr the depth of it. but i was really happy.

and i knew, i was really a positive independent girl.
and i really do hope that in reality, i am like that too. (:




time really heals all wounds huh.
what kills us is how much time we need.

on this, it took me 4 long yrs.

time's not the reason why we heal.
but the what we discover during that period of time.



another quote from my experiences, for me to be famous when i die. hahas.
gd night.