i've actually got quite a no. of wedding photos and vids to clear.

i can't wait for june.
i will start trng my physic for it.
so that it can be more bearable!






on a totally another note...
dont go la.

with or without you

i can't stop thinking about you every night.
if only i can cmd+Q you out right now. and forever

ROOKIES NO MORE

trannies max.
and due to R21 materials, many photos should and will not be posted here. HAHA.






the theme we're given: Changi Village. and what would changi village be called changi village w/o trannies yea. hahahas.
abit pointless to explain the whole skit/dance/perf/whateveryoucallit coz only watching it will do it justice. haahhas.
but it was great to see our seniors laughing TTM. really LOL kinda thing.

was abit sad and wasted that the chalet's on a sunday night. so not many ppl could come and stay on longer. i mean like after the whole thing, everyone's high and all so it could have been an awesome time to spend with the seniors and like get to know each other more. not that we're strangers or anything as of now. but it would have been a great time ya.

but anyways.
it was really THE ROOKIES TIME MAN.
we planned to meet at tamp at 2.30pm. then reached the the chalet at around 4pm, after walking distances and uphills in cold drenched clothes from the rain. hahas. and knowing that we had to have a very epic and successful performance to carry out, it really did felt quite pitiful. hahahahas.

but on the whole. yea, of course it was successful. but more importantly, i think we did get to know each other alot more better. like some of the remaining cold ice are broken. i mean like.. we only come, train, sometimes eat dinner and that's it. not everyone went up to hk and all as well. i mean like.. the preparation was BOOMZ man. ahhahs. damn fun.

so yea. it was the first time for most of the rookies to boat race.. including me. i wont usually take part in it coz i'd always be sure to wanna make it home safely on my bike. ahhaas. today, i didn't ride there knowing full well of the consequences of still bearing a rookie status. hahhahaas. we all sucked at it. i think like 70% puked? hahhas. (to those who duno what's our Blacks' boat race style.. it's abt which line finishes drinking up their cans of beer the fastest. one person drinks, and when she's done, she turns the can upside down over her head to ensure that she's done. then only the next one in line can open the can and start gulping down...... till the last men of the line.)
hahas. most of us were v hungry so we ate alot during dinner. then when it came to the boat race.. whoas. merlions everywhere man. for me, it was like... the gas man. cannot stop drinking. must keep the momentum. hahahas. but seriously... with food setting up a high base alrdy, u can literally feel the foam rising up up up.
hahas.
likea boomz yea. need experience then can. hahahhaas.


then during the night.. we're made to drink all kinds of mixes and all luh. hahas. so after that.. everyone like high alrdy. ahhahas. should see ah. those remaining ppl.. all upstairs. off/on the light.. use the iphone torch light app to high yi xia. hahahas. plus music from our inhouse DJ qingying and dancer kopi soh... it was super hilarious. hahahhas




i used to drink alot last time. my threshold's like 4 cans or 1.5 jugs of voldka mix. that's my max before i start to lose myself. tonight.. it was abt 2 cans and a few cups of mixes but i can feel it alrdy. hahas. since i've started riding, i havent been drinking. been quite disciplined abt it coz i dun think i wanna risk it or overestimate my capability. it wont make sense and would mean to commit a crime/ offense.


ok luh.
so now, we're rookies no more.
and i how we'll continue to stay and train harder and FIGHT BACK FOR THAT TITLE AGAIN.

touchhh

whole day man.


in the morng was 2A theory.
omg. was more like a.. mental psych up or smth. kept showing ugghish vids. damn jia lat. there's one ah.. omg. the bike nv check blindspot... then the lorry go over the man. the lorry had like 6 wheels i think. and it was damn gross. saw how bike squeezed in between cars then the car decides to change lane and squash the biker.
gross gross gross.
and how some bikers not paying attention and hit the front vehicle and literally FLY.
after the lesson, riding to turf city took on a whole different note. coz a few vids were accidents on the PIE. hahahas. zomg.
last year..there's like 197 fatalities on the road. and out of which, 93% are bikers.
so in another words, if accident, more or less sure die la. but i guess those are reported cases... but ok. better be safe than sorry literally!!



so.
early afternoons' win against LFS was probably so needed in boosting up the team's morale for this season. (: glad. but if only earlier!

then went for prison touch after that. omg. they are sooooo funnny.
whole time kept laughing and laughing can.





i really really really really really enjoyed playing touch with these ppl. then after that is dinner at simpang.
all like cool only. ride bike go simpang eat. HAHHA.




was physically really drained after that. but i am so so glad to have spent time with them.
if only i can speak malay/ more malays in Singapore. seriously. i think it would make a significant difference in the atmosphere.

my complaints

misery is always part of a bigger purpose. we need to constantly remind ourselves of this to keep us going.

i dont like it when everyone's not together when we all want to achieve a goal.
maybe some of us dont even have a goal.



whatever.


i hate being so sensitive and so concerned of how ppl think of me.
i hate it how i'm beginning to start wanting you someone to be that pillar of support again.
to like go through my ups and downs.
i dont want to use social networks to replace any kind of friends in my life.
its different.



i hate it when the world is all dying and trying to cope and deal with life/death situations to get through each day and some ppl are just so concerned about their own selfish benefits which they can live without; including me, blogging and complaining about how ppl can be so... self-centered.


i dont think i'm struggling; maybe i'm just riding on my perfectionistic world- i expect the world to be all friendly and genuinely caring.



u know, wts.


there's this WWJD function and i'm not adhering so much concerned about it?
i need to get my life back on track.
and really, its not just to make my life any better, but to make my life more appreciative of someone who actually died on the cross just for all our stupid sins.
no, i'm not here to preach or blame the whole serpant-adam-eve-fruit saga.


i just dont understand why i'm taking God's love for granted so much, and turning into someone i cannot identify myself with.
its like omg. i'm like at the 2nd/3rd check box of a typical survey form when asking about the age segment and yet, i'm still struggling with problems that i was able to deal with when i barely even had my pink i/c.





WHATS HAPPENING????




am i thinking too much? or am i just so influenced and affected by all other around me. wheres my direction and p.e.o.p.l.e.
i really hoped that when i was so actively involved with church in the past, i wasn't really using it just to make me happy, mask the all these worldly issues and just want myself to be happy because i am serving the Lord.
i know its not the case.
but now that i'm so out of church, perspectives have shifted and left me in a tumbling whirlpool. and with that being said, i am not confused, just being anal and lost.
its different ok.

growing

i'm starting to feel old.
like my fitness is really bad.

ok luh. tmr got game so i didn't really wanna push it. and i havent recovered from tue's fitness.
EXCUSES. but ya lah.



ivp sunig contact today for the guys side. ntu won! their backline how strong. nus' forwards are also like boomz man.
(realized that i've been using the word 'boomz' alot)





i dun understand why ppl can be friends with friends for the sake of self interest. so old friends are forgotten coz in the first place, they aren't really friends friends yea.
that's damn bloody selfish and i know i'm nobody to judge. ugh.
just dont like the whole sight of it.



this yr's like somewhat very different. i duno if its just for me, but time is gg to fly faster than it will crawl.
looking forward.
but at the same time, i do want to treasure every moment and the ppl around me.

fitness

i went for tp's fitness today.


finally perspiring after a wk.


i mean when u exit one season and ur trngs drastically changes, and u start eating more.... its really... BOOMZ man.


after the whole session... i didn't know if i could make it home alive.
hahas. but it felt good.
love tp trngs. its just the whole crux of it. (:

tmr... HO SEH AH.


work was um... good today. ended fast and early.. just that i had to travel all the way to the west and go across many road names which i've nv ever heard before. like...Lorong Ah Thia. ahhaha... and omg... sungei tengah is tmd far. its like 30km there to bedok. its like north/west-ish. so i'm like travelling diagonially across singapore.
but ok luh... in the midst of all those, i overcame my fears of BKE. rmbring hard that the last exit is woodlands ave 3. ahahhahs.

i'm so grossed out.

there's smth in my ear which i've been trying to get it out. and when u digg it, its likes.... got sound la. damn scary. i thought got insect. hahas. i gave up coz really CMI. so i asked mother poon to come to the rescue. and guess what's inside????.... STONE SIA. haahhaas. i think from that time the chivas Beach 5s Rugby where we played contact on the sand. totally not cool ya. hahahs. GROSSSSSSS MAXXXXX.

that's like LAST YR YA.

more random thoughts

WWJD.




i need to be a more start being a faithful child of God.




i still miss you, and i wonder how are you doing now.




[added]

and how appropriate when i saw this on tumblr 10 sec after blogging this post.





listening to the new Hillsong United CD that i bought.
and again, how appropriate God speaks to me through music at the times.



awake my soul and sing....
search my heart
search my soul
hear my cry
draw me close....

$$

i'm actually counting the $$ i'm making every painstaking hour of walking and searching for visa terminals.


and with that,


at every place, i will spend at least $2 on a snack.


and i can do day from 9am-8pm; abt 9 places? hahas.

waterprove

i like bags.
i want bags.




Freitag.
i was like willing to pay $150 for a bag that's waterproof and quick load.
when i saw it at Actually.. it was $550 ya. i was like.. ok. totally OUT.


Tagger.
another of the waterproof kind.
and i went to vivo after work to literally hunt for it. i found out by a shop keeper that the shop has been closed for 1yr pls.
tsk tsk.





and i like waterproof jackets.



Northface.
nice and black.
comfortable ttm.




Timberland.
quality probably not as zai as Northface. but still very cool and waterproof.
i am so not paying $339 for a material that has be cut into something that can be worn.






IN THE END, i bought crocs.
hahas. no, i'm not like dying to spend my money / sudden influx of money. i've save up abt $200 to get a good, durable and easy load waterproof bag but i can't find any. i bought crocs in the end coz its something that i've been procrastinating abt buying. i dun like crocs coz honestly, its ugly. but its waterproof and super good to use for my delivery jobs. ever since i was delivery macs, i wanted to get one. i have the maryjane one but its nice and super worn out. i dun want to use that nice shoe for work and shorten its lifespan so innocently.
so in the end, i finally bought shoes for work. its actually the Crocs Bistro Work Shoes. it has some anti-slip technology that really works. ahhas. in the tag.. it wrote 'even on oil and water'. ahhahas. it got me thinking- maybe crocs has discovered the mac delivery market? haahhahahhas. i 95% of the riders wear crocs or either some cheaper malaysian rubber shoes. hahas.
oh wells. so it cost me $70. expensive, but finally willing to buy coz i can proudly say that i'm holding a job. HAHHAS.




u see. in my entrepreneurship module back in tp, i wanted to open a shop that sells all kinds of waterproof stuff. from bags to shoes, clothes, bottles, umbrellas and etc. ahahhas. it can so work out lor. hahhas. singapore always rainy one. and ppl are always on the go. confirm sure have market for it. i want to name my shop "Waterprove". AHAHHA. idea right.
maybe in the first few years, i'll just be a resellers of branded waterproof stuff. (maybe like ocean pack, timberland, crocs.. and all). once my business starts prospering like mad, i can open up my very own R&D department and manufacture Waterprove pdts.
how cool can. whoever reads my blog and want to steal my idea, go ahead la. hahas. i just want a shop to sell all things waterproof. hahhas. cheh cheh. say only. hahhas.





gosh. i'm so branded. hahas. i believe in brand and quality. though i've studied marketing for a good 5-6 yrs, i'm still a victim to the traps. ahhhahahas. but ok ya, in some ways, the difference in the quality is really evident. HAHS. oh wells. ka-chingggg $$$$$

crisis

sorry, dates of the posts are no longer the dates of events that happened.


1. Japan's tsunami + nuclear explosion.
2. first time in history Blacks has ever lost the championship title; to Bedok Kings, formerly known as SRC.
3. 24hr bowling

4. i've got a new job! (: i'm no longer that free now.




ok. the tsunami's probably like a wake up call.
it was oh so smooth sailing until devastating news of the tsunami blasted throughout all news telecast.


Finals of the rugby league was last sat, 12 march.
it was the date when Blacks lost her championship title for the first time. and it was the first time that tears of sorrow flowed down upon for Blacks; looking at the normal muddy ccab pitch. ok. full time was 10-10. then with extra time... it went to bedok kings 15-10. but yea. the team's much more organized this yr with their new coach. and i guess also because of all the club shareholders probs and hence the change in club ownership literally, the club has been through quite alot tgt.
on our side, i guess it really all voiced down to our attitude towards trngs. what u do in trngs will reflect out loud in game.
before this whole new generation of new blood came into the team, the team was much more aggressive, condescending (in a gd way), and very competitively driven. me being included in the new blood. i guess my 'batch' was probably like the crossover. before me, i think trngs were more focused and mentally intense.
this was the first time Blacks could send 2 teams to a 15s league. dun get me wrong. i mean, new blood is good. more women playing rugby competitively is good. but i guess before we even want to put on that Blacks jersey, we should all think twice if we are even worthy of it considering how hard our forefathers mothers fought to put where Blacks' name is now then.

i felt it.
its a darn good wake up call for me.
personally, i honestly feel more driven to do my own fitness and build up my own shoulders and fight back hard for the club's name. procrastination has shown its price and its something that has cost us so so much.
its not just a skin deep pinch. more like a battered and bruised root.




that aside.




U Sports 24hr bowling. 9am-6pm was the qualifying rounds. 9pm- 9am was the finals.
a total of 72 games was needed to be bowled by a team of not more that 15 ppl. each team probably had on the avg of 12ppl.
my team qualified. went down occ at 10pm and found out that i wasn't being registered because of miscomm.
was quite upset initially coz i gave up my biking adventure races (which was so darn coincidental, with the event also starting from 9pm - 9am) . but ok luh. looking at how strong the competition was and how 'consistent' my bowling trng has been, i just gave moral support ya. hahahas.

but it was fun!! (: like seriously. my team mates are just rubbishly funny but though some of us knew each other personally for the first time, it felt like we have known each other for a long long time. i mean we haven known each other since like yrs yrs ago, but it was only last last night that we started talking like that. hahahas.

the competition was tough though it was supposedly a fun bowl. it can never be fun if $$$ is involved in the prize. hahas. so not bad, our team came in 3rd! hahahs. (:
wanted to take photo together but i was the photographer. i mean coz its sucha rare chance that all of us can be tgt for once though.
hhahahas.


and u know, it was a saturday to begin with. with stl in the morng, a devastating rugby finals after that, and the team dinner following that, and finally with the 'day' ending on a sunday morng at occ, i was burnt. riding home was like a game to stay awake on the cold it-just-rained roads.
homed finally. i bathed, and crashed. till 3pm. woke up to eat. and slpt at 5pm till 8pm. whole sunday gone like that. mum ditched the outing as well. ): so did the celebration for my friend's bday coz she was sick.




U Sports all the way lah. ahhas. my touch team also sponsored by them. then everywhere's Usportsss. haahas.


i tied her hair too! hahahhhahas.


so some girly instincts in me too k! hahaas. nice right!


never in a tournament will u have so many trophies. top 8. each team, 15 ppl. so mathematically, (15 x 12 + 1) trophies on the table.


3rd!


trying to stay awake man!





that aside.


amanda's shop's opened at SMU arldy!!!! (: kinda excited for her. can sense her excitement. haahas. all u SMU students, go OhmyFruits to support her ya! she's opening on tues! (: hahas. so proud of her ya.








that aside.



finally got a job.
decided this job over the clinical one that uncle/dr. heng nung recommended me to. hahhas.
the job's with bel kok. HAHHAS.
(:
so lovin the job. coz its good pay and really OTOT TTM. its like a courier service kinda thing.. but more towards installation/technical stuff on those NETS machine. so its like a partner job with her to complete all the tasks to be done in one day, travelling tgt on our bikes. hahahhahahas.
vs mac delivery, its so much fun and chillax with good $$$$$$$$. i am so gg to be rich and i am gg to buy my $300 underwater cam. (havent decide which one yet though) hahahas.

and i'm kinda sad that i started only working this job so late. imagine if i'd work in jan/feb. i could have been like how may K richer.
oh wells. BA WO SHI JIAN.



so now with more things to do, i think i can be more proactive in my editing of photos/ videos.
procrastination will then be secondary since i'm more careful with my time now. (: hip hip hurray!


good night. work tmr again!

its been raining

since 12pm till 2am, the rain hasn't stop.

in the rain,
surya passed her prac 2! (mine's tmr! *cross fingers*)
there was trng at ccab today.
i went for tp social touch.


was fun to play social touch. it kinda felt like fitness. my thighs were aching after that. and since i'm in season, i'm supposed to be fit and not achy. hahas. but yea. social touch never fail to make me laugh till my stomach pain. hahas.




not that i want to be negative.
but i feel emo now.
maybe its the rain, and no, i'm not trying to blame the rain entirely for it.



the team list out and then again, i'm just getting so used to not see my name in it.
i didn't really expect anything, seriously.
but i just can't help feeling negative when i've there was this under mining desire there ya.






UGH. it'll be over soon.
next wk, i'm gg to be WORKING! (everyone say 'FINALLY' together now.) hahas.
either a bike delivery job or a clinical job.
the wierd thing is, when i accepted the bike job, the VERY NEXT DAY, i got offered a clinical job.
no, i haven't been job hunting. but really thanks to my wide social network, ppl somehow rmbr me. HAH. that's a skill YA. hahhahahahhas. not that i'm proud of it, but i'm just thankful.

i would have gone for the clinical admin job. coz its kinda flexible and not in the rain. hahas. the bike job would be fun coz it's gg to be with bel and i duno what to expect. hahas.


oh wells. see where the wind takes me, literally. when it starts all rainy and all, i might just quit the bike job and go for the clinical job.


in the meantime, recruitments are near!! heard that the fire and rescue one is open. but i've kinda psyched up myself for the paramedic one / snr officer. not only i want to enjoy my job, but i'm looking at the $$ as well ya. i dun go sim for nothing. i'm happy with a paper from TP though the society says its not enough ya.

up

my biggest mistake in life is being afraid to make mistakes.



one good thing i did on the field today was stepping in when i didnt have space on the outside. but wasted coz i didn't believe in my step. after gg through, i should have just continued bursting. like got shocked or smth. HAIZ.
made many booboos on the field also. felt that i was a liability to the full back/ out centre. as in like.. i think i wasn't aggressive as i should/can be.


that aside.
its the last game for Blacks Bravo for the season tonight! ahhas.
we managed to get 3rd out of the 5 teams. 4 clubs that is. coz Blacks sent in 2 teams.


many things to work on:
1) tackling: i wanna build up my shoulders for next season and put them to good use.
2) fitness: i wanna be more useful 24/7 on the field.


that 2 goals' enough to make me do many many things.
with that accomplished, i can be a more confident and aggressive player.
when one's not confident, is really as good as not playing. not only u are not contributing, u are being a liability. u're not gg to be the best u can be. and in that neither here nor there situation, its just not very helpful for the team and urself.


honestly ah, i'm sick and tired of being so sluggish. so afraid to do this do that. so afraid to make mistakes and be so bothered abt what ppl think of me. u know what. WHO CARES. grow up man. its time i start being confident and be the best of who i can become.

season

pretty much at the peak of my rugby / touch season now.
ok. no.
intensity there, but not really of my personal peak ya.


but yea, each trng, each game, each journey, i am learning.


been trng almost 6 days a wk. last sat took a 6hr bus up to KL at 9am. played a 33min game. (so not welcomed by the heavy downpour and lightning warnings) and flew back in 30mins to reach sg at 11pm.


been seeing my rugby friends more than anyone else.
and life's still the same for me; still waiting for the may intake for paramedic. recruitment starts in march. and i'm looking forward to it. i seriously thought through studying physiotherapy and i know i'd probaby do well in that field. but i dun wan to take another 3 yrs to do another diploma. that may be my long term plan vs my aerospace engineer LT future.
having said all that, i'm kinda alittle scared that i've been given so much time for rugby now, that i dun treasure all the trng time i have. u know.. ppl tend to treasure the things in relation.



haiz.
but honestly. in the midst of all the games.. contacttouchbowingcontacttouchcontactcontacttouch... nothing's really much happening in my life. spiritually, i'm probably all time low. like so low that i know i can't go lower anymore.hahas. that may be a good sign.


u know. i still want to be able to play the piano and violin... the read notes kind and not just hear and play anyhow.
and honestly, i still believe in my music talent more than whatever i am doing now. all along, it feels that i'm probably denying my talent in music and pursuing a more sporty lifestyle which yes, i enjoy, but do not get the satisfaction i get from music.



all that aside, through fb, found out that amanda's dog passed away.
i dont have deep feelings for animals. interacted with amanda's dog a few times only. but when i realized that he's gone, i kinda felt something. didnt realize that my heart do have a space for animals. but yea. if i can feel something, i duno what the teo family's gg through. though i think it's kinda different from losing a human. maybe something more deep and unexplainable.






i'm supposed to be editing wedding photos/ making wedding vids.. but i'm like.. no.1 procrastinator.



and now that i have time, my mind drifts to that foribben place of u.
and in 3 days, it could have been a 6yr feat.
anyone knows any remedy on how i can really let go of the past? its really not that i want to. but i can't. i did succeed during dec last yr. but it was probably just temporary. now its better luh.
i'm still waiting for all of us to grow up. when we're all older and more mature to face the past, look back and be able to scrutinize our actions and say how childish we were.
i'm just looking for an opportunity to clear the mess up yea. i'm 100% sure u've let the past go like as if nothing has ever happened before. on somedays, i give myself the 2% benefit of doubt and replace it with false hope.




from all the messthings and thoughts thats gg on now, i commit them to God.
only He never fail.