Edward Cullen

last night, i read Twilight from 2-4am.
and really, i'm still not an avid reader; yet. hahas.
i'm halfway through the book now... reading any more would probably change my perspectives. hahas.



i actually bought the book in september since everyone's reading it.
i hated reading. never really got through 2 and a half chapters..
i rmbr finishing Eragon (this fantasy abt dragons and all).. read the book only after i watched the movie. since there was the book part 2, i read it, but unsuccessful. i didn't even complete the 1st chpt of the 2nd book.
but this Twlight's different. i have not watch the movie, just know that it's abt vampires so it got me a little interested.
then, now, i'm so into it. i think i can like re-read to just bluff myself to be in that atmosphere and all.
emo self-pleasures.


i think Stephenie Meyer's so special because her descriptions are so complete that i dont even have to watch the movie to be inside the scene kinda thing.

i really feel that i can relate to Bella (the female lead) very well. that's also probably one of the author's objective, that's y she uses the first person persona thing. sometimes i feel like her, never knowing what i really what, not knowing what i dont want.
that's probably why i have to accept that i'm being a girl deep down.




anyway. i bowled today, after not bowling for a month. the league.
first game, 121. AHHA. 1st 6 frames OPEN. 1 shot, gutter. ahhas.
then ok la, to give myself some credit, i ended with a 176 i think. hahahhas.
ok.
i like it when i'm like that now; in a way, out of my routine. 0 consistency.
so, making corrections is easier. not much bad habits have set in, so easier to change.
bad thing is, if i pick up new bad habits, i can be disastrous in a long run.



bowling is a sport where u can't stop for long if u really want to do well.
hahas. okok, i think all sports are like that. so forget abt evaluating this idea.





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someone just posted "SocialInterview.com asked me "Who do you think has influenced Marian Poon's life?"".
honestly, i gave some thoughts and reflections abt it; a holistic thing and not just on that one person.
largely, on my life, its probably my faith and the sports.

the trngs sort of controls my life. coz when u want to perfect some skill, u just want to go trngs and work hard. throught tough trngs and all the tense competitions, u'd probably pick up personal skills and all to handle situation. then attitude changes, perceptions changes, horizons widen and all.


2 large persons have indeed affected my life, because, they largely affect my mood swings.

1st, my dad's passing. w/o him, life is tough. hope is bleak. mum's moody. family struggles.
it's probably too sudden. fast, clean but good.
i mean, if its pro-longed and painful, it'll be torturous for everyone. so out of this, it's gd la huh.

i know i've change a whole lot. but the big thing is, i want to enjoy life more. bluntly put it, i'm probably less hardworking, but if i really want smth, i'd work very hard for it. like when i want to win a medal in the nationals', i'd train like as if there's no tmr. if it's smth that i have to get but dont really like it (i.e, studies), i can't seem to get any motivation out of it. its probably all thanks to the showers of love from the both of them like.. when if i get As, i get a power ranger set. as i grew older, each A1 i get is a $50.

so that really made me work v hard. not so much for the As coz its ur future, but for the powerrangers or $50 notes that i'm gg to get. and more often or not, i do get them. that's why i made it to the all-mighty Triple Science class.
and yes, b4 my dad knew that i made it, he passed away, falling short of probably a wk to see the yellow letter.
(wasted. i took 9 subjects in upper sec. ahhas. 9 x 50 = $450. OMG. ahahahs. WASTEEDD.)

distinctively in my report books, i started making border line passes. failing in my assessments.
then came the o levels. still cannot get over the dad thing. then didn't do well.
go poly. did ok to graduate, but not well enough to graduate with merits though i was close because i really had fun-loving grp mates which made me love my subjects and the course alot, so much to just want to Aced it.
so yes, i'm struggling to love the subjects though they are the same in SIM.


2nd person.
hate to admit it, but its that boy that i was very much in love with.
weird to read it coming from me, or reading it so publicly on my blog. (and whoala. u dont even need a password to access to this.) i dare say all these coz it really doesn't matter now.
we're once deeply and seriously in love, and now its through.
even so, ur well being affects me. ur mood affects me. everything abt u seems so important. even the slightest insignificant issue makes me wanna go care abt it.

this whole episode just taught me so much. so much so that it has probably re-wired my life, my thoughts, my issues. the whole thing's probably not handled probably, and still now. but its at an ending stage where i'm learning to not try and make my life and the situations in it all so perfect because it really can't be.


though is smth that i can try control or work with, if it involves a person who choses to be painfully ignorant and care-less abt the life of the friends around him, there's nothing much the attempter can to.

i've probably become someone harder, and unable to trust the world but only God who's gg to be always right. i've also probably wanna shun the ppl around me, and to the contrary, i wanna cherish and appreciate them as sincerely as i possible can. maybe its coz i hate to bring disappointments? i hate to set e expectations of such issues? thus, as much as i love my friends, i just dont want to dwell too much into such gd feelings that makes u wanna prolong them.
i've probably lost the true meaning of friendship occasionally, here and there, once in a while.


that's why i probably feel so much like the main characters in the book (Twilight), understanding every word that's written. - as much as i want to run away from u, i want to be with u - kinda thing.




wait!
i'm not breaking my new yr resolution of being able to get over you.
i'm just reflecting on my life.
so i'm still keeping this promise. HAH. i win.
(walks away with a cheated victory...)






(i'm really supposed to be working on my ppt now. maybe like on day 10 or smth. but hellos, i'm on.... DAY 1. big claps for me pls. big claps.)