the little shots we take

hi. its about a month of hiatus from here.
have been working. have been resting. have been seeking.

haven't been blogging. i guess as i start to creep into the next few phases in my life, the time i spent blogging out all my thoughts would be lesser. also, i've turned to instragramming the moments out, not because i really want to, but its because its just more convenient though i'm not too comfortable with how public it can get.

so anyways, whats up.
hahas. just working, hoping that the guys in my department can get used to working with a girl. its funny how they were actually paranoid as to how i was gg to fit in and all. and because of my tom-boyish nature, i guess now they gotta try harder to learn how to be comfortable with me. some of the.. 'struggles' they tried to share with me was like how they had to maintain on the profanities, vulgarities, dirty jokes or just simply working as themselves. its like they say... "if i'm nice to a girl, she think i like her, if i'm not nice, she say i dont care abt her". ahhahs. well yes, thats legit. but dont worry i wont think like that. hahahahs. along they way, as i moved around and communicated as how i would usually would, they're starting open up. i guess such things really take time and you can't expedite it.

some of the few events that happened.. (just gonna pull out some shots from instagram. hahas)

Estee and Zehong's ROM! (:

so so so so happy for her.

i'm gg to miss her quite badly coz she's gg to Arizona as zh is gg to be sent there for trng. can't imagine a long phase of life without meeting up with this one. ):

also we had a full flight crew. engineer, technician, pilot and airstewardess. ahhas.

also did a quick pre-engagement shoot for her the road at changi aviation park. ahhas. anything with lalangs looks good. this is their fav shot. hahas.

yep. and WTL season has started!

glad to be able to play for the month of sept. the league will last till nov. and since i'm on shift, my shift pattern is not in favour of free-ing up my saturday afternoons. ):

better have fun while it last.

last wkened, also help my dance sch to shoot the CSTD competition.
so proud of olly and cindy who got Champions for their respective category, especially olly. she's damn talented. even before she went up on stage to compete, i told my tap tchr ms susan, aka her mother, that she's gonna win it. if she doesn't, means the judges is more dancey than technique. olly's got technique and a unique swag if u know her and see her dance.

lastly, today had a rugby shoot for an ad. hahahhas. totally doing it for the money. imagine if i had $ to every trng i go....... ahhahs i'm gonna be freaking rich. hahas. but it was fun while it lasted with fake rain and haze and all. the scenes and footages we manage to catch a glimpse of at the camera's screen was so amazing and epic. hahahas. didn't know we could look so epic and hardcore. hahahaas.

but as a photographer, i learnt alot too. secretly looked at the setup, the lenses, effect and all. they are really amazing. especially with the lens and water flare all. its not like the filters you simple use on ur mobile gadgets. this is legit guys. hahahahs.

yea. then there was the SIAEC bowling tournament last friday too. honestly, i thought i could own the ladies category. HAHAHS. i mean, i trained competitively for almost a decade can. but ya la, long time no train, but still, i believe can la. hahahas. until................ i met this auntie. last yr's champ. ahhahahs. she's pretty consistent and the oiling pattern was in her favour. the lanes were abit jumpy for me since i'm a hook bowler while she throws it straight and consistently straight. hahas. 3 games, i was down on 2 and up on the last one. the last game was almost neck in neck. i just needed that strike to have a turkey on the 7th frame while she had an open frame.... but... i also opened it. hahahahs. one more chance was on the 10th frame. was surprised that she opened it... but i needed to strike home to win it. but........ i also opened it. HAHAHS. my mental game totally wasn't competition ready. i can't rmbr all the scores coz it was so darn low. last game was like 159 or smth. ahhas during my trng days, a 159 would be considered as a shitty score coz we were easily bowling like 170 180s. now, 159 i happy siol. ahhahhaas.
anyway, was fun since for the last game, it was cosmic bowling. means they used neon blue uv lights to bowl. the techno music was kinda irritating though. hahas.

yea. can't rmbr any more events off hand for now.


onto Singapore news.
haze is back.
and Polling day was just over, last fri Sept 11.

i must say, with all the #SG50 hype and LKY's passing, this yr's General Election was pretty epic.
i mean, we can attribute it to the rise in the accessibility and the usage of social media as compared to 5 yrs ago and hence the increase in the involvement... but i guess, it's also because of the passing of LKY that there was also more effort from the opposition side to make some noooisseee.
as a general outlook, towards polling day, honestly, the atmosphere felt like that landscape was shifting in favour of the opposition, especially towards the worker's party.
however when come the results...it has shown that votes have 'swung' towards the PAP side.

the psychology guy on the news explained that it was something like a reverse-psychology effect (i cant rmbr the term he used). he explained that because it seemed that the opposition was so strong, supporters of the opposition whom wanted to vote to the opposition were also afraid that the PAP would lose their seats and not make up the majority.. so they ended up voting for PAP.
sounds legit though, but quite disappointing.

ok for me, i've always been a pro-govt kinda person. not because i'm afraid or have a nonchalant attitude to who governs sg, but so far, i believe the policies have helped this island grow alot over these 50 yrs. of course, there are some policies that aren't.. 'kind' in our favour, but we can't expect a government striving to be perfect to try and conform to all the complaints from singaporeans. certainly there's always room for improvement, and we all need to be patience abt it.

but honestly, throughout this period of campaigning and nomination, i've seen some strong individuals that is worth my vote. i haven't really listened to all the speakers and all, but my friends and i actually when for one rally. it was the final one by the workers party held at bedok stadium which ended about 2hrs before it was cooling day (no form of campaigning till results).

hahahs. ok, 3 reasons why i went:
1) we all wanted to be part of a #GE2015 #SG50 rally and say that we're part of it. HAHAS.
2) since it's at bedok stadium, why not (just need to walk from my house)
3) ok, i wanna hear what the opposition has got to say for their final words
4) last one. go lor.
5) friends jio, go lor.

hahas. i believe many ppl went there also so for such... directionless reasons. hahas. hence explaining the inverse correlation between no. of 'supporters' at the rally vs the votes being casted for the supporting party.


here's my few cents worth...
personally, we all shouldn't be voting based on the 'branding' of the parties or which party we really want to win. come on. there's 89 seats, and at this point of time, i can confidently say that PAP will have a strong foothold as the majority, so chill. there are some individuals whom i believe, can have a voice in the parliament just to make those meetings more constructive. we need some opposition / competition to grow. so instead of looking at the big picture, i guess for now we can safely look at the micro side of things.

also, there's a huge handful of older folks out there who dont care about what's gg on in the media, who's doing what or who wants to do what. for all these yrs, they hold on to trust and belief that the PAP is the best and their decisions will be the best and will forever have that drive of the late LKY. well i can't deny the fact that PAP has done well by looking at the outlook of our country.. but we all must rmbr that LKY is not equal to PAP. having said that, back then, the PAP was an opposition party just as well.

but yea, we can never know for sure right.
hearing some of the rallies, it can be quite 'politically dangerous' as it seems that all the voting is based on the rallies. not many ppl will act base on deep thought and careful evaluation. the bulk of humans like to act on irrational impulse just because it is always more comfortable to listen to our heart. so, individuals who are strong public speakers wins the hearts and hence, the votes. it is ok if these individuals are people of the ground, people who really care for the heart of singaporeans. but it can really be dangerous if all these talk becomes empty promises, killing all hopes just because of his/her own selfish desires to want to be part of the government.

scary hurh. our future, being based of 89 ppl.
quite funny interesting to see some individuals who strutted in too. HHH. hahahhs. and the other guy-who-got-his-citizenship from duno where. oh yea, and the other yousurewin-guy who got disqualified because he didn't read the rules from his election handbook. HHAHA. but yea, y not for a few seconds of fame hur. hahhahahas.


but yes, throughout these 2 weeks, we've learnt alot about ourselves; as individuals, and as a country.
generally, i can say that we're still pretty much a fearful bunch, but that's ok. whatever shit that's being stirred via social medias, i always believe its good coz its just people expressing their thoughts and vocalizing them via images. its because people care, that they would bother to take time to do anything good/bad. so lets just embrace it and have a  good laugh altogether. we can respond, but lets not be agitated or be swayed by anything that's out to break the peace and harmony of this country. this should apply to any legal bodies, but of course, everything has to be done in a legit way luh.

so yea. i can go on, but i wanna blog about 1 last issue in my life.


---


hahas. actually, i decided to write today because i just wanna vomit out all my shitty r/s struggles.
my heart has always been caught up with all these imissyou thoughts. its irritating, but well, trying to draw some good out of it, at least it keeps me in check that i'm still a legit girl after all. haha. i mean, sometimes i do question myself since i'm quite tomboyish and can't seem to behave like a legit lady.
but yea, because now that i somehow feel liberated (perhaps its an effect from the #GE2015 AHHAHAHS), better vomit all the shit out while i still can.

and so, mainly... (i am ashamed to say that) there's 3 guys in 1 small heart of mine.
and because there's 3 people i can't let go of, i can't seem to move on in life. not that i'm seeking, but it makes me feel like i'm an indecisive player. actually, i want to stop running away but i cant. so i hope this blogging therapy works.

to just share (and try to be concise since its pretty late alrdy) and finally be open about it after all these yrs of blogging a 'him' and all..


person A.
he was the first. a best friend, a growing-up bestest bro whom we both decided to take a step further. it was serious, but probably a wrong move. i admired him alot. everything went on well for a few yrs. the best of my yrs. and because of a miscom (in my opinion) that we didn't know how to manage it well, we left each other and have never spoken to each other ever since. honestly, it seems like it left my life hanging. for a longgg period of time, i was still thinking about him everyday. there was one cny that even though after we went separate ways, his mum still gave me an angpow. all my decisions in life centered around him even though he wasn't suppose to be significant anymore. i've written a few letters (not just 1. like handwritten. not sms/whatsapp kind ok) to him, not seeking for a reconciliation, but just a request to clear things up (so that i can move on in life) but he wasn't responsive. i guess as a guy, he would be thinking that i wanted to patch things up or smth.
it has been 8yrs now, and i cant seem to break him off entirely which becomes a problem to whoever comes along.

a few guys came along but i just couldn't move on because i am clear that i wasn't ready to move on entirely and it wouldn't be right correct.
and so, there was mainly...


person B.
he taught me alot of things. he was my engineer. our thoughts were very much in sync, sometimes so freaky to a point where i question myself if he was my long lost brother. we had common interests and views in life. i respected him alot and have learnt alot from him. its like, i could share with him almost about anything. even in times when i was confused about myself, he seemed to be able to straighten out my thoughts. hahas. he was very experienced, very understanding, and clear. though we're both pretty much stubborn, he gives me room to make decisions on my own.... until it became a point that we had to decide how we wanted to move on. because of person A, and because i wasn't sure entirely, i couldn't risk it. i was afraid that i would lose him entirely (as with person A) if it didn't go well. and because by then, the way we communicated weren't entirely as 'just as friends', i had to be fair to him too. he wanted me to make a choice to move on or not be friends at all. i couldn't decide for a very very long time coz i didn't see a problem with just being good friends the way we were. but he had a point too, to either see him as more than friends or not at all. so yea, it was a hard one, but in the end, i lost him too.



by then, it took him to make me realize that i was afraid to fall in love all over again.
and also, i questioned if can platonic relationship with a guy can still exist.



person C.
most recent. it was pretty quick how things escalated via twitter dm. HAHAS. it was random, but very pleasant to able to find someone to be msging everyday and keeping a check (and not annoying) to be asked "how's ur day". but as simple as it is, it became very comfortable over these 2 months. and because the shadows of Person A and B have been loitering in my heart for the longest time, i became afraid.
even before anything could happen, i added in all kinds of disclaimers to ensure that our r/s was purely based on a friendship one even though i realize that i was becoming more dependent on his msges as the days go by.  (perhaps i should regret it) it was to an extent that on somedays though i just wanted to msg him, i told myself not to because i knew that i was starting to care for him on a not-just-a-friend level. we met up on 3 occasions in total just because i missed him and couldn't show it. so i talked to him abt work, my life and so on. i wanted to hear more from him, like about his life and thoughts but i felt that there was a wall. i'm not sure if its because of the disclaimers that he was refraining himself, but he never really explained why. perhaps i was just being sensitive. as i continue to build more walls, and constantly remind myself of what Person B has taught me, i forced myself to stop msging him even though i desperately wanted to. he probably got it, as much as i didn't want him do, so we stopped msging just like that. but the whole positive thing of it is that at least nothing happened and i get to still keep this friend. i mean if he really wanted to, he could have msg me right, then again, it would mean that he didn't care abt my disclaimer. haha. such chains i put on ppl and myself uh. in the end, everything becomes just so... quirky. idk how to explain it. as much as i miss him alot, i know where i have to stand though we both didn't say anything about this whole episode.
perhaps we were both hurting and made use of each other. i wouldn't mind being used if it helps to heal, so i should just rest my case with that.



so from this whole episode, i realize i might some serious issues in life. hahas.
idk if this is a common girl problem or something that should seek legit help with.
but to take a step back and look back at all these past relationship and almost relationships, i'm happy to be where i am now. i'm learning to be independent and starting to thrive in solitude. i'm not sure if its a good thing, but at least its not so painful when i'm feeling alone now. perhaps its a form of escapism. but why not since i'm not ready to commit to anything else other than Mother Poon and my job that i love. since i've asked for it, i should just live with it right.

this yr has been abit more special because i'm learning to think more for myself rather than always spending time to help others. you know, it is ok to help others and not to be appreciated; but it is NOT ok if you help others, and they exploit you in the end and from a kind deed, it becomes your responsibility and your shit.
i'm not sure if i'm becoming more selfish in this way, but at least it protects me from all the possible losses. such things can't really be counted, but at least it can be safeguarded.


so for the little shots we take in life be it with voting for legit shit, sending texts to ppl we care, or just picking up a little FOD from the floor and throw it into a bin, i have no good advice to give.
all i can say is that we have to continually give our best in whatever we do, wherever we are.
if our best isn't enough, lets learn to let go and focus on other things that require our attention.
i'm still learning how to do that. pray for me. i need to let go. i dont want to suffocate myself.


for now, blogging is my best friend even though if no one reads it.
i honestly dont care who reads it, but blogging helps to sort my thoughts and digest stuff that i dont to keep on my mind.

as promised

ahahas. sorry that this came it late..
these are some of my fav ones... more on fb! (:

 

 

The Tree Beyond the Fire

Daniel and Steph's shoot. (:

daniel's been my primary school mate. we've never really been close in primary.. closer than other sch mates coz his class is just beside mine.
in secondary sch, it was v random.. but some how, we realized that we both love music and guitar... jammed with him once together in my room with nigel... and that was probably it.

but he's a v special friend to me because of how he uses him music to reach out to people. very humble. very talented. just that one meeting with nigel, nigel alrdy misses him. hahas!

his songs never fail to come at the right time.
and they way God uses him through his music really inspires me...
not just towards music, in our attitude towards worship.


and so just ytd, helped him shoot his pre-wedding shoot! (:
got to know his fiance Steph. though it was the first time we're meeting, it was quick how we're able to talk about anything.

the shoot was in MacRitchie. ran there once during SAJC marathon during my first 3 months. hahas.
lotsa mosquitos.
but its a place where they would hike/jog every alternate days.
its my first pre-wedding shoot it sucha a terrain, humid and sweaty. but all's good because of the great company. daniel in long jeans and black 3/4 sleeves, steph all in a nice pretty white dress and heels  did not complain at all man and did v well. they're really the nature kind of ppl.. and it was just v nice to see them enjoying themselves. u should see daniel's house and room. its like opening the door to another nature-ish world. and his room, is filled with guitar, plants and a single mattress on the ground, including fishes and a small crab around. ahhahs..
and to travel to the different spots they had pre-selected from their routine hikes, we had to hike through them as well, lugging all our guitars, stools, equipments and whatever nots.


while shooting them, i just adviced them to enjoy themselves. so most of the time, daniel was singing to her or they were doing a duet. despite the heat and mosquitoes with perspiration drippin' they were enjoying themselves which made my shoot alot easier. and, i had good music to shoot along with. ahhahs. i'm bad with advices on couple poses. hahahs. so my advice to couples is to have a thought of their poses and places first.


(:


it was tiring. but it was a great experience for myself.
the lighting was abit challenging and the flash exposure was also tricky to handle.
but looking through the photos now, its good. it could have been better though! coz some of the nicer shots had too much blur motion/ awkward light spots. but yea, i think nature and warmth is quite kinda like my style, so i'm looking forward to editing the photos. and while i'm doing the processing, i'm playing his music in the background. hahas. (:
till then!


(more photos to be inserted soon.)

i'm back to looking more human now with all the facial products, some even purchased by my sister. never has she ever bought me anything out of goodwill w/o an occassion. hahahs.

sept 1st. 2012

my december

whoas. rollercoaster mans.
in this month. many things. didn't have the time to blog everything out. so, before this post gets classified under 2012, i'd better blog about this month's highlights in my life. (:

actually, 3 main things:
1) the stone
2) thailand mission trip
3) hk trip with the Poons.

and of course, all these adds up to not gg for any trngs, missing out on Blacks' Perth trip, christmas gatherings, all the lunches, dinners and all. and the whole 'stone' episode, just nice, gave me a medical certificate to put me out of contact sports for a month.
so, no gymming, no running or exercising for this whole month, making me feel super nua now. i wanna go back, but i find it hard and wierd. i mean like... ur whole team is trng hard and in the zone towards the goal for next yr's championship.. while i'm not even in Singapore 3/4 of the month. ahhas.




ok first, the stone.
ahhas. gave me so much problems, 3 days prior to departure of the trip.
so after the procedure on mon, i was able to fly to thailand on wed. of course, with much worries. spiritually feeling unprepared, and now physically, not in tiptop condition.

so all the squatting to pee.. was totally an experience. each time i pee, it was v nerve wrecking. and the advice give to me was to drink more water. hahas. that didn't help anything. so after about 7 days from the procedure, towards the end of each pee, was abit squirmishly painful. ahhas. had to michael jackson myself for comfort after each pee. ahhahahahhahas. finally during mid-trip,



ta-dah!! the stone was outtttt!
ahhas. it came out in the toliet of the petrol station. heing lor. the jaman was white and clean, and the stone did not fall into the water. hahahas. at first, i thought it was it was some stone/rock from the villages. but i felt it coming out. ahas. and when i took a closer look, there were shiny crystals on it. ahhas. so i use a tissue paper and kept it as a souvenir. it was just a fragment of it, but big enough to cost me about $3k in total.

so yes. that whole episode, finally a closure.
lessons learnt. will drink more water now.




2nd: Mission Trip.
honestly, i dun think i can ever finish typing what i wanna say abt this trip. it was really... God sent. been far far away from church, from God, from my soul. hahas. i felt tt i was changing into someone i dont wanna become. calculative/ no love/ worldly desires etc. i didn't knew who i really was, what i was trying to achieve and so on. i just felt so... unguided.
so one fine random day, i headed down to church to see see look look. since rugby trngs are just a hill above, i decided to go. hahas. and somehow, i said yes to gg for this trip, with within like a wk, my airticket was confirmed. yea.
and then, Blacks' Perth trip changed the date to the same as mission. my heart really sank.

i can see it as both ways; the devil's doing or God's challenge. it doesn't really matter any way. since i wanted to get close to God, certain sacrifices had to be made. and with the whole stone episode, i can again, see it as a blessing or a curse. of course, seeing it as a blessing made everything alot better. with the whole stone shit, though it was physically and mentally traumatizing to some point, it gave me a comforting excuse to give the Perth trip a miss anyway.


the trip, physically very comfortable this yr. weather wasn't as cold as expected. and more so, we had hot water to bathe most of the time. villagers were concernly boiling water. slpin was also gd coz i finally invested in an awesome sleeping bag and most of the time, we were provided with cushions to protect us from cold hard floors. of all the trips, this yr, is by far the most comfortable. i rlly cant think of anything that needs or can be improved. even the vehicles are awesome.

thank God for making the trip safe though. with all the floods, the ppl have piled up rocks on the tracks. was literally a rocky journey, but safe. (: hahas

some photos:
















































































we went round the WHOLE village... on foot.. needed to get some GPS data.



from uncle kc: "a total of 6.6km, over 2hrs, avg speed of 3km/h, total 60m vertical height. great tracks"









































some of my act atas fav shots:




























ok, 3rd, THE family holiday
8 days in hk. no guided tours. all the experiences from the rugby / touch trips there. managed to cover almost all the hotspots. (: 10 yrs since the poon family went on an holiday together. Mother Poon says that Father Poon was on the trip with us. abit freaky. but we had all the fun. though it was a small budgeted room, with the hotel behind 'guarded' by 2 coffin shops, it was really comfy and cozy. (:

so here's the pics.