abit hard to get used to coz i'm like so used to window's shortcuts.
but still relatively friendly.
so... this morng, i had a few plans in mind.
1. ride trail.
2. ride to meet them for lunch
3. or at least swim
4. join in fun touch at nyjc.
5. join in fun touch at sa.
and... i shamlessly chose
6. to sleep in till lunch time, then take a bus down to meet them.
ok. new new yr's resolution: PROCRASTINATE NO MORE. LAZINESS IS UNPRODUCTIVE.
it's my last meal/ride with suan coz he's gg into army on 4th jan. hahas.
i tried on dickson's new bike. SHIOKS PLS. instantly tio poisoned. it fits me just right. its black. dual sus. just so right. thank God that one thing i didn't like abt it is its weight. HAHA.
anybody want to buy bike frame, pls approach me.
so...
i went coffeeshop nite today.
technically, its a 2009 event..
coffeeshop nite started specially for those ppl whose family don't celebrate christmas. so its a time of fellowship, gathering, gd food, gd music, and good Presence.
fd was gd.
parents are talented ppl on earth.
this year, i'm there as a 100% audience.
every year, i'd be putting at up at least 1 item & playing smth for someone / worship / i/c of deco&publicity while taking photos and what so eva.
this yr, i just sat there. sat beside the sound ppl.
as i took the paper for the schedule of events, the word 'Blind' (from the skit title) stood out. it wasn't just one word. it was like. selective reading of words that led me to the word 'Blind' in captial B.
towards e end, there was altercall. b4 that, it was the skit.
throughout the 'performances' and so on, there were certain times i had the slight goosebumps.
during altercall, i just felt it.
but inside, i knew i was just fighting with it. its like.. i didn't want to open this door/box/window/whatever.
it was dark.
it was deep.
and it was just unknown.
i sat down; with many phrases gg through me and me. the strong side kept fighting on with the tears. it was wierd. coz i felt victoriously strong, but yet weak at
then, aunty vivien came and prayed for me. i knew it. i just knew someone's gg do that. and seriously, what she prayed, gave me a clearer picture of what i've been gg through. though the picture's like through frosted glass, it sort of cleared it up alittle.
u know, my absence from church is really not that i'm busy/ tired or what.
i just dnk y.
depending on who's the one that's asking, i give the corresponding answer. be it busy, tired or just dont feel like it.
i dont think its a white lie or an inconsistent answer of some sort, i'm just confused?
so, she was praying smth like "take away the unknowns; the unknown hurts and pain that she's gg through .... ". and more.
i was so darn sure that God was using her to speak to me at that point of time since my ears have gone deaf since i've left.
so after everything, i'm left with a half drained heart.
so it was the usual catch up-ping to do. ppl talk to me. i responded back....
that whole episode was just... seggregated from today; from the event. it feels like God finally worked out a plan to successfully speak to me.
so.
when am i gg back. i dnk.
i'm not sure if by saying 'when i'm ready' is just an excuse for me to buy time; or really use this time to humbly prepare myself to run to Him again. i mean like yea, come just as u are... but seriously, i dont want to take God as someone i run to when i need Him and leave Him far away when things are gg well.
that's probably a problem many ppl, from teenagers to adults face. we simply dont have that
k. i hope ppl actually read this post and find some sense of empathy or whatever u call it. in simple words, just feel that they are not alone or wierd to go through such pointless battle though knowing that we have already claimed the victory.
trying to draft out a big picture, one of the reason that i should hang on to is probably the heart to serve.
i know God has given me smth for music. i want to go further here.
i rmbr when i picked up that guitar to work out the song "Heart of Worship". it took a whole month and probably more, just to get the chords/strumming right. i was crazily hearing songs, other ppl's way of strumming and all. it was like a closed experiement, at least 4 hrs daily. even on days when i had bowling trngs.
y i worked so hard was because i wanted to CHANGE THE WORLD with my music. ahhhahas. oh what joy. sec 1.
so when one of the perfomers (i think its Dennis) mentioned abt the band "using their talents to serve and glorify God", the immedite question i had was: "wth am i doing now?"
ok la. it was like a slight-slight-sense-of-guilt and then brushing-it-away thing.
photography is also another one. i wanted my photos to CHANGE THE WORLD. its like, when ppl see it, they feel smth so strongly that they want to take some positive action to create some positive outcomes. hahas.
sounds great right. thats y i love taking photos as missions. ppl actually feel smth towards my photos. what's more, ppl who are non-believers ask me abt the photo. then i tell them. then i'm at least having a chance to share the gospel. without appearing aggressive.
ahhahas. in marketing, we learn that its a push and pull strategy respectively.
okok.
time's like 3:51am.
i promise to go church tmr by 9:50am so i should slp now and end my string of waking up at 2pm daily.
lastly, to end this post on a happier note,
saw this i church when we're leaving. probably because the leaves of the trees outside church have been majorly removed.
ok. tumblr is like.. expressive. i can like offhandedly search for photos that expresses my feelings.
its the... a picture paint a thousand words thing la.
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