i had a dream last night.
it was darn wierd, but probably sums up my wk in wierd fashion.
this is majorly hilarious, random and stupid.
just to get u prepared first.
i rmbr the bulk of it taking part at farrer park field..
apparently, (in my dream) farrer park field is rather hilly, but able to have a basketball court somewhere..
then,
i was actually having trng. contact trng. with Blacks.
Has. as the coach.
everyone was wearing white t-shirts. it was like a day-one-trng kinda thing, so no one had background of rugby, but i had bg of touch, so i apparently excelled in the trng, in my dream.
b4 that, i rmbr forgetting to bring shorts. i was wearing a navy blue sch uniform skirt (that looked like nan chao sec sch's skirt.. that's damn random).
then. (omg. this is the part.) my grp of friends were the cullens, including bella. HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH.
and this extra vampire which had another type of special ability which i can't rmbr. his ability, i rmbred, was useful and rather complex, but i just can't rmbr what. his name either starts with V, E or B.
edward was my friend. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH. so when i forgot to bring my shorts, he helped me call bella to bring it for him to pass to me. HAHAHA. (this is getting damn hilarious.) but edward didn't tell bella that it was for me.
so when i was at trng. edward was watching me train. (the face and setting was like at in the twilight movie- he, by his car, watching with those black-red serious eyes.). HAHAHAHAHHA.
i can't rmbr what happened during trng. but it was simple passes and few tackle drills. but i rmbr that i got some information that there's someone evil after me and the cullens. (probably James the evil vampire in twilight). farrer park had a changing room near by ( looked like sajc's sports com toilet.) so after trng, i hurried to the girls toliet to change out.
then, because i knew edward was watching me train with those eyes plus james was hunting the cullens and i, i was worried.
i tried to call bella to like bao toh on him (thinking its either edward being overly caring towards me instead of her... or like he's not protecting her as much as he should be) and also to warn her and the cullens abt james... but i heard someone's pre-recorded voice, probably hers.
the pre-recorded voice that was playing, was in a way, trying to pose as bella though it clearly didn't sound like her. i can't rmbr the content of repetative words. but i rmbr replying in a very singlish way "eh. dun play la. so stupid i know its u. james. stop it. u're so stupid. i can tell is pre-recorded la". AHHAHAHAHAHAHHA.
then james hissed over the phone.. "i'm gonna......".. before he could continue, i just hung up the phone, trying to call the others.
(that scene was like scene in twilight when james used the recorded voice of bella's mum to cheat bella in lurring her to him)
then i desperately tried calling alice, carlisie, emmett, jasper and the extra vampire (in this order which i surprisingly could rmbr).. but their lines were all disengaged.
haha. i even rmbred like using my hp to scroll their names down. "alice cullen.... carlisie cullen....."
so stupid.
then, i can't rmbr.
alot of things happened. flashes here and there. dreamt of cars. fast colourful cars.
people.. both asians and very white eurasians.
i rmbr running or some sort, then like blackening of the scene then i woke up.
HAHA. stupid and ironic. can't believe i'm into twilight to this level. hahahahhahahs. maybe i could be like stephanie meyer. write this into a book and be singapore's bestseller. HHHAHAAHHA .(that'a how twilight came abt-from stephanie meyer's dream). ahahahhs
sad.
my camera today's got error 99. the shutter keeps snapping w/o acutally taking photos. like in burst mode.
the small camera's also showing fatigue signs. always starting with a black screen.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
talks
many things, will just segment this.
---
TP'S IVP CHAMP BABY.
this morng, wanted to follow the bus to np. but had to run some errands. hah
reached on time.
then. started.
TP chiong sua and then scored within the 1st attack. hahas. i rmbr bet scored.
then within the next 10mins, liz faked and scored.
half time, TP leads with 2-0.
no kick. t'was too easy.
2nd's half it.
NTU came back so so strongly. hard runs, drawing men, all over.
TP's defences were equally matched.
but, ntu broke it and scored, bringing it to a 2-1.
then TP scored again.
3-1 to TP.
then. NTU scored. then one of our winger claimed the touch, but was sin-binned by the ref. like omg. 6 v 5. it took NTU awhile to push through TP's tough line of defence. the link wasn't quick enough to block the dummy from shooting through, thus a 2 v 1 on the outside and NTU scored. 3-2, still to TP.
TP seemed shaken by the ref's call, with NTU banging through the walls, being denied of touch downs too many a times that they just had to equalize it gd at 3-3. ntu does that best; scoring so hard at the last min to bring the game to a draw. just like the game they had with NUS.
NTU really come back so strongly in the 2nd half. it was really anybody's game seeing both teams put up great attack plays and line defences.
then sudden death. tp did their thing, with liana scoring at the wing.
with one more attack left to play for NTU, it wasn't enough to bring down tp's strong defences again..
(omg. i'm starting to sound like a commentator)
and TAH-DAH. TPIRANHAS, first poly for IVP Champions..
my bet was right from the start. HAH. owe up!
i think the girls really deserve it as they've really put in so much effort. esp the coach, putting so much heart into each step of the way. never easy, but proved achieveable. so so proud of the team. when u look at them, u dont see very outstanding individuals but one very strong team, tgt. that alone is really commendable. and i guess, the victory that comes in are simply the rewards and harvest of their labour.
i mean like NTU also gave a really gd fight was abit too late. we'll never know how hard one team trains. and honestly, it's not just trngs that get u far, but the things and issues that the team go through together that reaps in the bonuses.
maybe next time, instead of champion and 1st runner up, should just put champion A and champion B. ahhas. abit stupid coz in the end its still gg to be ppl fighting to just the Champion A title... hahas. just a thought; hahahahas, after watching today's match.
and yes, w/o fail nor notice, it was a unspoken knowable decision that SIM's playoffs for 3rd 4th was forfeited.
anyway.
----
i wanted to get lens today.
i was so confirmed on getting a 50mm f/1.8 first coz its cheapest.
then, saw the 35mm f/1.4.. then ended up not getting anything at the end of the day.
dammit. should have probably brought my slr down to test it out.
i like the 50mm one coz it shoots nice portrature with gd dof.
the 35mm f/1.4's proably still gg to give the same dof like the 50 f/1.8 anyway. but its f/1.4. pls. 50mm, with the crop factor's gonna be like a zoom zoom lens alrdy.
the 50's $130. and the 35's $210 (if i rmbr correctly.).
o-------------------------k
i just checked on club snap.
stupid. the 35's $2k. (forgot a 0 behind).
HAH.
ok. decision's up. 50mm f/1.8. HAH. stupid me.
with that kind of money, i'd get a 16-25 f/2.8 alrdy lors. crazy.
i've so many photography jobs.
my kind friends refer me to their friends.
thanks to my low self-confidence and the lack of equippments to feel safe, i've denied them all, referring them to my other friends respectively.
this is bad,
for me. ):
----
then. went for cheng's bday party.
wah. this month ar, just nice ar.. every sat and sun got at least 1 party each.
this month makes me feel that everyone's 21 alrdy.
was gd to catch up with the sec sch friends again. ahhas.
thank's for the whole thing. (:
sara and i cycled there.
then, i borrowed her hose and space to wash my bike.
then, we're chatting.
and serious stuff some more. will like 1.30am?! hahahs. from abt 10plus 11.
u dont get this everything. setting was right. mood was right. everything was just inviting.
but it was gd. and to an extent, needed, for both.
(:
for some reason, my whole left leg's aching today. not that i've been trng hard or what, suddenly, such cringing pain. hahs. wierd.
-
ok. tmr's sunday.
at first, i didn't want to go.
then i want to go,
now, i dont think i wanna go.
it's not about whether i want to go anot la. but the decision behind it.
its not because i'm tired, nor because i dont feel like it or what.
but i just dont want to see u... nor, have that process thoughts whether if u're around... am i gg to see u... and so on. so redundant and stupid.
but i cant help it. i rlly tried containing all my thoughts like such, but its not helping if i'm unsure if u're thinking like-wise.
this is not bhb, but since everything's so unsure, left hanging, and ignored, misconception's probably inevitable. honestly, i think i'm still waiting for you to understand that there's really a need to just sit down and verbally clear this whole mess up. thank you very much.
its been long. too long.
---
i like months with 31st. my season pass' longer. :p. cheepo, but i'm saving money.
do you know: i can spend abt $6 a day (on an avg) on bus rides. sometimes more (excluding express services totally.) so let's say i travel 25 days in a month.
25 x 6 = $150!!!
season's pass $98 per month.
i've save like at least $52. shoik ar.
but now, mum just gave me $ for the bike, esp when i just said "forget it la, i'll wait till i work and get the money". its either reverse psychology or she's just doing this because she's angry with me; using reverse psychology on me.
so today, i didn't buy the stamp since mon's feb alrdy. i just top up $50 in case i do buy the bike soon.
i dnk y i've blooged so much, wasted so much of ur time reading abt my life like that. my brain's just very active now. 3.41am.
hah. srry if u've read till the end of my supposedly interesting and adventure filled life.
---
TP'S IVP CHAMP BABY.
this morng, wanted to follow the bus to np. but had to run some errands. hah
reached on time.
then. started.
TP chiong sua and then scored within the 1st attack. hahas. i rmbr bet scored.
then within the next 10mins, liz faked and scored.
half time, TP leads with 2-0.
no kick. t'was too easy.
2nd's half it.
NTU came back so so strongly. hard runs, drawing men, all over.
TP's defences were equally matched.
but, ntu broke it and scored, bringing it to a 2-1.
then TP scored again.
3-1 to TP.
then. NTU scored. then one of our winger claimed the touch, but was sin-binned by the ref. like omg. 6 v 5. it took NTU awhile to push through TP's tough line of defence. the link wasn't quick enough to block the dummy from shooting through, thus a 2 v 1 on the outside and NTU scored. 3-2, still to TP.
TP seemed shaken by the ref's call, with NTU banging through the walls, being denied of touch downs too many a times that they just had to equalize it gd at 3-3. ntu does that best; scoring so hard at the last min to bring the game to a draw. just like the game they had with NUS.
NTU really come back so strongly in the 2nd half. it was really anybody's game seeing both teams put up great attack plays and line defences.
then sudden death. tp did their thing, with liana scoring at the wing.
with one more attack left to play for NTU, it wasn't enough to bring down tp's strong defences again..
(omg. i'm starting to sound like a commentator)
and TAH-DAH. TPIRANHAS, first poly for IVP Champions..
my bet was right from the start. HAH. owe up!
i think the girls really deserve it as they've really put in so much effort. esp the coach, putting so much heart into each step of the way. never easy, but proved achieveable. so so proud of the team. when u look at them, u dont see very outstanding individuals but one very strong team, tgt. that alone is really commendable. and i guess, the victory that comes in are simply the rewards and harvest of their labour.
i mean like NTU also gave a really gd fight was abit too late. we'll never know how hard one team trains. and honestly, it's not just trngs that get u far, but the things and issues that the team go through together that reaps in the bonuses.
maybe next time, instead of champion and 1st runner up, should just put champion A and champion B. ahhas. abit stupid coz in the end its still gg to be ppl fighting to just the Champion A title... hahas. just a thought; hahahahas, after watching today's match.
and yes, w/o fail nor notice, it was a unspoken knowable decision that SIM's playoffs for 3rd 4th was forfeited.
anyway.
----
i wanted to get lens today.
i was so confirmed on getting a 50mm f/1.8 first coz its cheapest.
then, saw the 35mm f/1.4.. then ended up not getting anything at the end of the day.
dammit. should have probably brought my slr down to test it out.
i like the 50mm one coz it shoots nice portrature with gd dof.
the 35mm f/1.4's proably still gg to give the same dof like the 50 f/1.8 anyway. but its f/1.4. pls. 50mm, with the crop factor's gonna be like a zoom zoom lens alrdy.
the 50's $130. and the 35's $210 (if i rmbr correctly.).
o-------------------------k
i just checked on club snap.
stupid. the 35's $2k. (forgot a 0 behind).
HAH.
ok. decision's up. 50mm f/1.8. HAH. stupid me.
with that kind of money, i'd get a 16-25 f/2.8 alrdy lors. crazy.
i've so many photography jobs.
my kind friends refer me to their friends.
thanks to my low self-confidence and the lack of equippments to feel safe, i've denied them all, referring them to my other friends respectively.
this is bad,
for me. ):
----
then. went for cheng's bday party.
wah. this month ar, just nice ar.. every sat and sun got at least 1 party each.
this month makes me feel that everyone's 21 alrdy.
was gd to catch up with the sec sch friends again. ahhas.
thank's for the whole thing. (:
sara and i cycled there.
then, i borrowed her hose and space to wash my bike.
then, we're chatting.
and serious stuff some more. will like 1.30am?! hahahs. from abt 10plus 11.
u dont get this everything. setting was right. mood was right. everything was just inviting.
but it was gd. and to an extent, needed, for both.
(:
for some reason, my whole left leg's aching today. not that i've been trng hard or what, suddenly, such cringing pain. hahs. wierd.
-
ok. tmr's sunday.
at first, i didn't want to go.
then i want to go,
now, i dont think i wanna go.
it's not about whether i want to go anot la. but the decision behind it.
its not because i'm tired, nor because i dont feel like it or what.
but i just dont want to see u... nor, have that process thoughts whether if u're around... am i gg to see u... and so on. so redundant and stupid.
but i cant help it. i rlly tried containing all my thoughts like such, but its not helping if i'm unsure if u're thinking like-wise.
this is not bhb, but since everything's so unsure, left hanging, and ignored, misconception's probably inevitable. honestly, i think i'm still waiting for you to understand that there's really a need to just sit down and verbally clear this whole mess up. thank you very much.
its been long. too long.
---
i like months with 31st. my season pass' longer. :p. cheepo, but i'm saving money.
do you know: i can spend abt $6 a day (on an avg) on bus rides. sometimes more (excluding express services totally.) so let's say i travel 25 days in a month.
25 x 6 = $150!!!
season's pass $98 per month.
i've save like at least $52. shoik ar.
but now, mum just gave me $ for the bike, esp when i just said "forget it la, i'll wait till i work and get the money". its either reverse psychology or she's just doing this because she's angry with me; using reverse psychology on me.
so today, i didn't buy the stamp since mon's feb alrdy. i just top up $50 in case i do buy the bike soon.
i dnk y i've blooged so much, wasted so much of ur time reading abt my life like that. my brain's just very active now. 3.41am.
hah. srry if u've read till the end of my supposedly interesting and adventure filled life.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
stupid thursday.
hated today.
stayed at home.
slpt alot.
did nothing.
i'd rather go sch than to waste my life away like that.
was initially happy coz its like sch-free and major rest day.
but no.
the only happy thing today was probably the arrival of my driving licence.
supposedly to watch invictus in the evening. the last min, everyone pangseh.
say what... wait for dvd to come out.
aiya. heck la.
dont want to watch alrdy la.
i mean if i had nothing on today, fine. but, i was supposed to bowl the league today, but i gave it up for this.
i hate it when this kind of things happen.
u sacrifice smth for another thing to happen. and when plan B fails, it fails not because of u, but by ppl who doesn't keep their promises.
and then, u're left with nothing, but empty space to bore yourself.
then at home, when mum's not in a gd mood, things' never pleasant.
i really want to run away from everything.
but i dont know how.
i'm really at the losing end..
WHEN WILL IT BLOODY END?
maybe this sunday, i shouldn't even go.
it'll probably just take this emo-ness onto a step higher.
so. after month of literal hard work, and trying to adapt back, it seems that i'm just gg to pull out, barely passing the 1 month mark.
stayed at home.
slpt alot.
did nothing.
i'd rather go sch than to waste my life away like that.
was initially happy coz its like sch-free and major rest day.
but no.
the only happy thing today was probably the arrival of my driving licence.
supposedly to watch invictus in the evening. the last min, everyone pangseh.
say what... wait for dvd to come out.
aiya. heck la.
dont want to watch alrdy la.
i mean if i had nothing on today, fine. but, i was supposed to bowl the league today, but i gave it up for this.
i hate it when this kind of things happen.
u sacrifice smth for another thing to happen. and when plan B fails, it fails not because of u, but by ppl who doesn't keep their promises.
and then, u're left with nothing, but empty space to bore yourself.
then at home, when mum's not in a gd mood, things' never pleasant.
i really want to run away from everything.
but i dont know how.
i'm really at the losing end..
WHEN WILL IT BLOODY END?
maybe this sunday, i shouldn't even go.
it'll probably just take this emo-ness onto a step higher.
so. after month of literal hard work, and trying to adapt back, it seems that i'm just gg to pull out, barely passing the 1 month mark.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
and there was none.
“Once you cared about a person, it was impossible to be logical about them anymore.”
— Bella Swan, New Moon
today's simply eventful and to an extent, difficult.
lect was boring, until geffory da silva stepped in. though it was just a short briefing, i felt that i was paying attention again.
then. the whole day, deliberating whether should SIM play in the semis.
just so irritated with the whole thing.
to cut the whole yes-no situation short,
basically, we still wanted to fight it out even thought we'd left with 6.
then 1 suddenly had work. so, everything cancelled.
the bottom line is, it looked bad on the sch. and even worse for RP and SP who probably deserve this fighting chance a 1000000x more than us.
i mean like, we won every game except for the tough fight we gave to ntu and now, after playing such an awesome game tgt the last monday, this just had to happen today.
i mean honestly, i dont blame anyone for this anyway coz i do understand when each individual has their own priorities.
so, no buts for me today.
just got to accept, and learn, and pray that everyone's ok with everything.
so, TP WON SUDDEN DEATH against NUS. omg. when syai msged me, i was darn happy.
hahas.
for those who know abt the fixtures, the funny thing is that, imagine SIM was top of the table instead of NTU. to put the whole thing into perspective, this would mean that the LOSER of sudden death will get a spot in the finals. ahhas. (because of SIM's absence from the playoffs)
then. semis, NUS vs NTU. wah.
everyone's heart almost drop pls.
it was 2-1 at half time to NUS. and it remained like that till the LAST min. literally. NTU scored at the wing, then the final whistle was blown. Refs were still deliberating.. (so can u imagine the intensity).
and all clear's signal given .then... TIE.
omg.
sudden death.
played till 4 or 3 men left.
then NTU did a loop and scored on the wing.
omg. ((: heart throbbing pls.
so, NTU and TP finals! hahas. i'm happy for whatever the reasons. more imptly, go TPiranhas! this is it.
3rd's NUS. but it was really a tough fight man though NUS' also v strong.
lastly, choices.
stay at comfort ground to protect my self-esteem and learn more.
or
move out to new grounds with the friends which would require a leap in faith.
?
today was tough again.
i dnk why i've again, created this emotional battle within me.
pointless and dumb.
is it really because i'm back to seeing u from the sidelines every wk, again?
argh.
"The more you loved someone, the less sense anything made."
- Bella Swan, New Moon
i found this girl on fb.
actually i kinda know her la. her's bf's my friend.
she's someone whom's probably my inspiration overall.
she's 1 yr older.
studies medicine. is a medical doctor in the army.
national bballer. does long d cycling, and does it well.
takes part in biathlon, triathlon and wins.
also in touch rug and soccer.
bf's a rugger and a photographer.
both of them are damn nice and sweet ppl.
and they started out as soul mate or some sort.
if u'd know me, well enough, its near to my.. erm.. overall idealistic figure?
ah. staying postitive; goals like mine, altogether are achieveble too huh.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
open sea
blasting myself with hillsongs.
starting to dislike this blog.
i can't rmbr what happened today.
i dun rmbr anything from lecture.
i was just into deep thoughts. as if lost in the open sea.
drowning, yet unable to call for help.
meeting up a gd friend for lunch in sch was great today.
other than that, everything else was plain and whirlpooled.
starting to dislike this blog.
i can't rmbr what happened today.
i dun rmbr anything from lecture.
i was just into deep thoughts. as if lost in the open sea.
drowning, yet unable to call for help.
meeting up a gd friend for lunch in sch was great today.
other than that, everything else was plain and whirlpooled.
Monday, January 25, 2010
boon tong
i'm actually conversing with boon tong on fb now.
that's damn cool.
but i'm damn scared like he cannot understand coz he's really thai. thai.
but so far so gd. (:
that's damn cool.
but i'm damn scared like he cannot understand coz he's really thai. thai.
but so far so gd. (:
switcheed
today's game.
though it was the only lost to ntu,
2-1, it was the best game we played together.
everyone wanted to make things work out tgt.
and that was really really encouraging.
we had 3 subs. hahas.
yea. ivp, 3 subs. and i really told myself i cannot afford to be afraid to do things. for some reason, i'm always afraid to get onto the field. no matter where and what.
maybe its coz of the fear to make grave mistakes.
its just dumb la.
but today, because we had 3 subs, i think we did well. its a reverse psychology la.
i rmbr 1st half, smth i did which disallowed us to score.
i rmbr jiayu skipped one and passed to me at the wing. it was a high pass. i touched it and just couldn't catch that. if i caught, i'm sure i could have scored being so close to the line.
every move and min seemed so darn impt.
i wished that i was taller.
but 2nd half, at the last 5 mins.
lots of space on my right. was winger again. wanted to just do a simple dump split, but just couldn't.
suddenly.
sheema burst like mad and drew at least 2 men in her direction. she was running towards me. and i had no space to do any simple dumpspilt.
so i just decided to switch in and maybe pass out or smth.
then.
i saw the gap.
and focused on catching a ball that i've caught before,
andran hard towards it.
i was sure no one saw me coz i was too little in my corner. probably blending in with the white side line. (jersey's white.)
wah.
at the score line/area, i even had time to stare at it, deciding which line to dump the ball on. the closest yellow line or the white line further front.
i had time to compose myself, then ok, this is it. do it properly. no stupid drop ball.
it felt that i could slow down time.
omg.
then i really scored and looked at the refs' all clear signal.
this is probably the 2nd impt scored i can and will rmbr fully. i rmbr the one at bangkok last june... jaz passed to me and i scored to win the game.
but arh.
wah. i felt damn cheated. all along, i though the score was 1-1. and i thought we've won the game. so i actually almost cried siol. ahhas. crazy.
then i realised it was 2-0. and then 2-1.
everything just felt so impt.
but ok la. i'm sure everyone felt gd of how we played, looking out for each other coz
with 3 subs, it really left us gasping for air.
next game, semis. either nus / tp.
omg. they drew like majorly.
majorly i.e, points and score difference all the same. tough fight pls.
honestly, i'd rather meet nus in the semis. it would be a mentally easier game for me and ting to play. coz as much as we want to win, we want TP to win. coz they've trained so hard and played so well tgt.
we've not trained tgt nor put in gd effort in all the games, so really, we dont' deserve any form of memorial victory.
but, it'll be gd if the both of us can end up in the finals.
tt i dont mind.
(: that really made my wk.
been so emo.
and at the bus stop waiting for the bus, was looking at the whle thing.
i wanted to share my joy with someone. like a via sms thing.
and unfortunately, but not unexpectedly, u came up to my mind. (enough ar marian).
so just forget it. inner joy will do.
i dnk y my heart's still so stubborn.
each sunday, i look forward to just look at u from afar. if the paths of our sight do meet, we can magically ignore each other and deny each other's existence.
but nonetheless, my heart has successfully failed to skip a beat. but, it's just like a stinging muscle, erupting out venom through my being.
that's an unlikeable feeling when u know u can't do anything abt it. at all.
u've done what u've could.
u want to give up. but u just can't.
and the other party,
not helping, at all.
BUT.
ok. i am happy tonight.
(:
though it was the only lost to ntu,
2-1, it was the best game we played together.
everyone wanted to make things work out tgt.
and that was really really encouraging.
we had 3 subs. hahas.
yea. ivp, 3 subs. and i really told myself i cannot afford to be afraid to do things. for some reason, i'm always afraid to get onto the field. no matter where and what.
maybe its coz of the fear to make grave mistakes.
its just dumb la.
but today, because we had 3 subs, i think we did well. its a reverse psychology la.
i rmbr 1st half, smth i did which disallowed us to score.
i rmbr jiayu skipped one and passed to me at the wing. it was a high pass. i touched it and just couldn't catch that. if i caught, i'm sure i could have scored being so close to the line.
every move and min seemed so darn impt.
i wished that i was taller.
but 2nd half, at the last 5 mins.
lots of space on my right. was winger again. wanted to just do a simple dump split, but just couldn't.
suddenly.
sheema burst like mad and drew at least 2 men in her direction. she was running towards me. and i had no space to do any simple dumpspilt.
so i just decided to switch in and maybe pass out or smth.
then.
i saw the gap.
and focused on catching a ball that i've caught before,
andran hard towards it.
i was sure no one saw me coz i was too little in my corner. probably blending in with the white side line. (jersey's white.)
wah.
at the score line/area, i even had time to stare at it, deciding which line to dump the ball on. the closest yellow line or the white line further front.
i had time to compose myself, then ok, this is it. do it properly. no stupid drop ball.
it felt that i could slow down time.
omg.
then i really scored and looked at the refs' all clear signal.
this is probably the 2nd impt scored i can and will rmbr fully. i rmbr the one at bangkok last june... jaz passed to me and i scored to win the game.
but arh.
wah. i felt damn cheated. all along, i though the score was 1-1. and i thought we've won the game. so i actually almost cried siol. ahhas. crazy.
then i realised it was 2-0. and then 2-1.
everything just felt so impt.
but ok la. i'm sure everyone felt gd of how we played, looking out for each other coz
with 3 subs, it really left us gasping for air.
next game, semis. either nus / tp.
omg. they drew like majorly.
majorly i.e, points and score difference all the same. tough fight pls.
honestly, i'd rather meet nus in the semis. it would be a mentally easier game for me and ting to play. coz as much as we want to win, we want TP to win. coz they've trained so hard and played so well tgt.
we've not trained tgt nor put in gd effort in all the games, so really, we dont' deserve any form of memorial victory.
but, it'll be gd if the both of us can end up in the finals.
tt i dont mind.
(: that really made my wk.
been so emo.
and at the bus stop waiting for the bus, was looking at the whle thing.
i wanted to share my joy with someone. like a via sms thing.
and unfortunately, but not unexpectedly, u came up to my mind. (enough ar marian).
so just forget it. inner joy will do.
i dnk y my heart's still so stubborn.
each sunday, i look forward to just look at u from afar. if the paths of our sight do meet, we can magically ignore each other and deny each other's existence.
but nonetheless, my heart has successfully failed to skip a beat. but, it's just like a stinging muscle, erupting out venom through my being.
that's an unlikeable feeling when u know u can't do anything abt it. at all.
u've done what u've could.
u want to give up. but u just can't.
and the other party,
not helping, at all.
BUT.
ok. i am happy tonight.
(:
Sunday, January 24, 2010
sundays
rest day.
but how ironic is it when it's busy/stressful/thousand and one things to do?
heard there's somewhat a new system. maybe it's just rumours like... attendance taken in church. names taken down of those who are in church and not in service....
or even the confession 'segment' taken off svc.
i mean like, wth.
rumours or no rumours, confession is smth that has to be in.
i mean like yea, we ought to confession our sins daily, at our own individual lives' pace.
but i guess, growing up in an Anglician church, this is impt to me. i'm referring more to as a congregation doing it together in the common earthly household.
J died on the cross, then the curtains tore down and all, making the whole process of 'worship' much easier. it's just uncomfortable that although God's like making things so much easier for us, we're still trying to make things easier.
it's just giving me the feeling that in 'persuing this faith', we're seeking convenience. just a feeling.
anyway.
its been long since i've communicated through music, ever since i was off the roster.
i've thought of gg back. but the fear of the word committment hits hard.
i know i shouldn't be having such thoughts. but i am.
but, more positively, i thank God because at least, now i'm starting to worry abt all these.
fav song changes time to time. they'll be kept in the 'my favourites playlist' but not exactly on a hit.
this song, has been on a hit for months for me now.
the starting chord/mood/key is all just right.
the lyrics even make it whole.
go listen to it, please. a 10:24 min song. but every word is like.. whoots.
Tear Down The Walls
Tear down the walls see the world
Is there something we have missed
Turn from ourselves
Look beyond
There is so much more than this
And I don’t need to see it to believe it
I don’t need to see it to believe it
Cause I can’t shake this
Fire burning deep inside my heart
Look to the skies hope arise
See His majesty revealed
More than this life there is love
There is hope and this is real
Cause I don’t need to see it to believe it
I don’t need to see it to believe it
Cause I can’t shake this fire burning
Deep inside my heart
This life is Yours and hope is rising
As Your glory floods our hearts
Let love tear down these walls
That all creation would
Come back to You
It’s all for You
Your Name is glorious
Glorious
Your love is changing us
Calling us
To worship in spirit and in truth
As all creation returns to You
Oh for all the sons and daughters
Who are walking in the darkness
You are calling us to lead them back to You
We will see Your spirit rising
As the lost come out of hiding
Every heart will see this hope we have in You
Cause I don’t need to see it to believe it
I don’t need to see it to believe it
Cause I can’t shake this fire burning
Deep inside my heart
This life is Yours and hope is rising
As Your glory floods our hearts
Let love tear down these walls
That all creation would
Come back to You
It’s all for You
Your Name is glorious
Glorious
Your love is changing us
Calling us
To worship in spirit and in truth
As all creation returns to You
(x2)
but how ironic is it when it's busy/stressful/thousand and one things to do?
heard there's somewhat a new system. maybe it's just rumours like... attendance taken in church. names taken down of those who are in church and not in service....
or even the confession 'segment' taken off svc.
i mean like, wth.
rumours or no rumours, confession is smth that has to be in.
i mean like yea, we ought to confession our sins daily, at our own individual lives' pace.
but i guess, growing up in an Anglician church, this is impt to me. i'm referring more to as a congregation doing it together in the common earthly household.
J died on the cross, then the curtains tore down and all, making the whole process of 'worship' much easier. it's just uncomfortable that although God's like making things so much easier for us, we're still trying to make things easier.
it's just giving me the feeling that in 'persuing this faith', we're seeking convenience. just a feeling.
anyway.
its been long since i've communicated through music, ever since i was off the roster.
i've thought of gg back. but the fear of the word committment hits hard.
i know i shouldn't be having such thoughts. but i am.
but, more positively, i thank God because at least, now i'm starting to worry abt all these.
fav song changes time to time. they'll be kept in the 'my favourites playlist' but not exactly on a hit.
this song, has been on a hit for months for me now.
the starting chord/mood/key is all just right.
the lyrics even make it whole.
go listen to it, please. a 10:24 min song. but every word is like.. whoots.
Tear Down The Walls
Tear down the walls see the world
Is there something we have missed
Turn from ourselves
Look beyond
There is so much more than this
And I don’t need to see it to believe it
I don’t need to see it to believe it
Cause I can’t shake this
Fire burning deep inside my heart
Look to the skies hope arise
See His majesty revealed
More than this life there is love
There is hope and this is real
Cause I don’t need to see it to believe it
I don’t need to see it to believe it
Cause I can’t shake this fire burning
Deep inside my heart
This life is Yours and hope is rising
As Your glory floods our hearts
Let love tear down these walls
That all creation would
Come back to You
It’s all for You
Your Name is glorious
Glorious
Your love is changing us
Calling us
To worship in spirit and in truth
As all creation returns to You
Oh for all the sons and daughters
Who are walking in the darkness
You are calling us to lead them back to You
We will see Your spirit rising
As the lost come out of hiding
Every heart will see this hope we have in You
Cause I don’t need to see it to believe it
I don’t need to see it to believe it
Cause I can’t shake this fire burning
Deep inside my heart
This life is Yours and hope is rising
As Your glory floods our hearts
Let love tear down these walls
That all creation would
Come back to You
It’s all for You
Your Name is glorious
Glorious
Your love is changing us
Calling us
To worship in spirit and in truth
As all creation returns to You
(x2)
leica army boys.
morng, i went for dance.
i somehow enjoyed it.
then, met up with the biker/photog/adventure kakis. (((:
nice to see suan botak; though his hair was growing so fast that the officers are alrdy asking him to cut.
this is the first time in duno how many months, that i walked around with friends w/o and aim. as in, the point was, really to just hang out, have fun and nua everywhere.
we walked. talked. ate. chat. reminisced. complained. and shoot alot.
with leica cams all out. hahs.
it was just such a 'ritual' that we all would take out our cams to start shooting.
its been yrs since i've probably walked around with friends doing street shots. (minus last mon where i killed 4 hrs walking alone, shooting.)
bumped into alex. another of the leica family.
damn. hahas. that's probably a total of $10k there arldy.
we walked to waterloo, see the bike shop uncle. missed him. should have taken a photo with him. that time he drove me all the way to another shop to get my speedometer.
then was dinner time. dickson had to go to his grandma's. jo came along after booking out at 5pm. ahhas. i was ((: to see him. i've not see him for many many months.
then i cleverly suggested waraku coz pasta's the fav. no more rice, chai pheng or fast food for them. and luckily, all thanks to eve through the help phone, i got directed to the nearest outlet which was above us, the top level at heeran. (:
and really, thank You for the wonderful time we had tgt.
we all needed this day out literally.
the meal was gd and satisfying. probably more satisfying for them since its been a while since they've spent money on gd food.
then dickson came back along.
seriously.
i enjoyed myself.
we've been through times tgt during our adventures, seen each other's chao and du lan faces before when days are gruesome. ahhahs. i really enjoy the company and i'm sure we all did.
sincerely, i really do pray that we all share the same faith. coz it'll really make our journeys and adventures more worthwhile and extra cool. out of the 4, 3 of us share the same faith. 2 of us goes church. i'm proably the one of them, considering that i'm still not giving up my sundays to church. hhahas.
keep praying.
and i look really happpily insane on jojo's cam.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
o m g.
hahas. i think i'm just pathetic.
i think i'v just said i'd stop blogging abt this like 5 mins ago right.
ok. i think i'm just entertaining myself. ppl who read my blog, i'm sorry.
i think i'm blogging so much nonsense that it's wasting ur time.
in the past, my post can be so exciting like abt compeitions, tournaments, adventures, and lots of lots of happy photos.
now, (thank God for tumblr), emo graphics are posted there. its like my alter-ego kinda thing i guess.
i rly rly rly rly dunno why i can't get u out of my head.
i've probably gotten u 70% out of my heart, but its still not enough to not bother me.
i dnk why i've fallen so deep.
if only my love for God is like such, i'd be even happier. that's more worthy and deserving. unlike u who's rly wasting my effort and times.
i dnk y.
someone, pls enlighten me.
2 darn yrs passed.
not that i want u back or anything.
probably i'm still waiting for ur answers that would not make a difference or anything, but at least, can u make some effort and attempt to kill my heart, or at least, dampen it till it rots.
seriously, i'd rather be a damn cold and unfeeling person than to go through all these, still.
how how how.
ok, guys, pls pray for me.
like keep me in ur prayers everynight, until u feel like giving up. hahahs. coz when 2 or more are gathered in His Name, it will be answered. i need this urgently.
i'm into the 11th day of my fast and its not easy. each time i walk past cheers/7-11, i'll quicken my pace, afraid to buy a bottle of nice cold gassy drink.
why do i go through all these man.
why.
pointless.
unproductive.
if i really had u as my neighbour, u're doomed man. hahas.
doomed.
hahas. i think i'm just pathetic.
i think i'v just said i'd stop blogging abt this like 5 mins ago right.
ok. i think i'm just entertaining myself. ppl who read my blog, i'm sorry.
i think i'm blogging so much nonsense that it's wasting ur time.
in the past, my post can be so exciting like abt compeitions, tournaments, adventures, and lots of lots of happy photos.
now, (thank God for tumblr), emo graphics are posted there. its like my alter-ego kinda thing i guess.
i rly rly rly rly dunno why i can't get u out of my head.
i've probably gotten u 70% out of my heart, but its still not enough to not bother me.
i dnk why i've fallen so deep.
if only my love for God is like such, i'd be even happier. that's more worthy and deserving. unlike u who's rly wasting my effort and times.
i dnk y.
someone, pls enlighten me.
2 darn yrs passed.
not that i want u back or anything.
probably i'm still waiting for ur answers that would not make a difference or anything, but at least, can u make some effort and attempt to kill my heart, or at least, dampen it till it rots.
seriously, i'd rather be a damn cold and unfeeling person than to go through all these, still.
how how how.
ok, guys, pls pray for me.
like keep me in ur prayers everynight, until u feel like giving up. hahahs. coz when 2 or more are gathered in His Name, it will be answered. i need this urgently.
i'm into the 11th day of my fast and its not easy. each time i walk past cheers/7-11, i'll quicken my pace, afraid to buy a bottle of nice cold gassy drink.
why do i go through all these man.
why.
pointless.
unproductive.
if i really had u as my neighbour, u're doomed man. hahas.
doomed.
new moon
ok.
new book: new moon.
(still can't get used to the fact that i'm actually reading.)
i'm at the part where the cullens leaves Bella.
ohhhs.
the word 'masochistic' stood out. twice. (for me.)
1st one in the first book- "and so the lion fell in love with the lamb. what a stupid lamb. what a sick masochistic lion".
2nd one is in the 2nd book the part in the forest, edward abt to leave.
hahahs.
maybe this is y i took core lit in sec sch days.
and u know, if i'm gg to blog abt being emo and negative, i'm just gg to stop here. yea.
new book: new moon.
(still can't get used to the fact that i'm actually reading.)
i'm at the part where the cullens leaves Bella.
ohhhs.
the word 'masochistic' stood out. twice. (for me.)
1st one in the first book- "and so the lion fell in love with the lamb. what a stupid lamb. what a sick masochistic lion".
2nd one is in the 2nd book the part in the forest, edward abt to leave.
hahahs.
maybe this is y i took core lit in sec sch days.
and u know, if i'm gg to blog abt being emo and negative, i'm just gg to stop here. yea.
turnns
"one of those moods that there's nothing wrong in my life, but my brain keep insisting that there is. Or maybe its my heart that's doing the insisting. I can't tell.
u know that feeling?"
i spent the gd thurs at home, designing decals for my future bike. nothing of which i think i'm gg to eventually use.
really wanted to ride today. but the weather was just too threatening. it rained though, but just the slight drizzle which is not enough to be an excuse.
this' probably me, the things i like. spend the day trying to design a montage-lookalike for a gd decal. hahs.
then i went for trng.
today's trng, amanda was here! hahas. was fun bowling with gerald manda and all. reminds me of msia. ahhas. wasted ian's not there. ahahs.
on a serious side, i really want to improve. i keep reminding myself of how inspired i was when i was at sunway, seeing the msia elite team trained.
it's probably my LAST 'phase' in life that allows me to bowl. coz when i'm working, i guess i won't have any more trngs, beside leagues.. well, probably.
i know today, i saw significant difference in my roll and release. i'm probably working on it alot more than my timing; for now. it's a pleasant thing, being able to move out of a habit quickly. but when i start working on another thing when i've not 'mastered' the learning one, its just gg to be lose-lose situation.
but yea, was gd today.
on days like this, i really feel that once a wk trng is nv enough. u learn smth, and like 7 days later, b4 u can even store it in ur muscle memory, u're trying to perfect it?! time lapse exists pls.
well.
i haven't been trng in touch also.
this is bad. and i'm like in the midst of IVP.
SIM doesn't train.
i'm super unsure of my club trng coz the location keeps changing.
thus, i'm supposedly to be free right.
sometimes i'm really free.
but i'm so used to living it 'busy' that i just dont know how to feel 'free'.
tmr's like another today. just IVP at night.
i'm probably gg to make a trip to the bike shops and see. but i dont want to go alone. i dont like gg to warehouses alone even when there's sunlight. the spaces just leave u feeling all domineered.
just a last short thought,
on the way up the lift, i suddenly thought of this.
day in day out, maybe depending on the weather, how i slpt, how pack my day is... i can be melancholic at times. and really, just for no apparent reason.
sometimes, it can really be to an extent that i really just want to bang my head against the wall to forget it all.
the new year summons an imagery line that prompts ppl to lead a new life/ make resolutions that would probably be broken within the first 2 wks of the year.
all these of which, doesn't help nor elevate the pasts that happily painful.
wallowing up myself in self-pity, blogging my thoughts to be amplified would all not help. why? simply because i'd categorzied them as inner amplification that has no outright constructive actions. (whas. i can so write a book on introducing this term. ahhahas.) and if the key person doesn't even reads it, there's not apparent point right. not that i'm blogging all because of u. but just so u can stumble over. HAHs.
i duno how but,
maybe i should just enjoy being melancholic since its just so emo to be... emo.
(yea, as gd as not saying anything right.). hahas. but no, seriously, take joy being emo. like erm.... glad that i dont have to be accountable to anyone, to waste time on other ppl.. etc.
gosh. i've been on this topic for damn long. i've always said.. ok marian, its time to move one. yes i can. no more such post. dah dah.
so now, i'm smart. this will probably not be the last post. the next one will just be a failed attempt of escapism.
anways, i've lost my lead.
she's closed her blog or smth.
and, it's also probably time i stop
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
SIA
wah. today physio almost killed me. again.
w/o checking up google, draw the logo of Singaproe Airlines. once attempted, then check to see if u're right. AHHAHAH. (its smth u think u'd know how to draw... but NO. ahhahahas!)
w/o checking up google, draw the logo of Singaproe Airlines. once attempted, then check to see if u're right. AHHAHAH. (its smth u think u'd know how to draw... but NO. ahhahahas!)
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
swam
my current display pic for my phone.
on some computers like mine, u can't read the full thing coz the screen is not bright enough. on a mac book, its totally clear.
so today, i went to swim in the morng. felt so gd to be able to do so. (:
had like abt 4 more hours to kill. so i went around taking photos. wanted to see bikes, but ended walking at SA, Fu Lu Shou, Little India and all. i took photos with the film camera that bernice got me. hahs. post them up the next time!
then sch. was boring.
and homed. was raining.
u know. when sch ends at a time of 6.30pm, i reach home at 8.20pm.
totally sucks.
k. i've pursudaed my mum to lend me money to buy a bike with 90% chance ardy. (: ytd, it was 80%. yes arh.
3 questions.
spent alot of time travelling today.
peak hour jams.
went to see bikes with jeric and jovin.
eyeing this 2nd hand bike. 2.7k. but it has alrdy 42k mileage!!
but its a very nice vintagey looking navy blue Spark.
the new spark designs not as nice as the older ones. ):
its 4.4k for a brand new one. but my budget is try and keep everything within 3k.
haiz.
i came home early today.
i watch selene's Twilight DVD (finally).
i think what makes everything so awfully nice is just the resistance or whatever u call it between a couple that's madly in love with each other. the hesitation and all just makes the viewers more... into in.
i'm slpy now.
-
looking out the window, i was thinking if i could just have a few minutes with you,
i'd ask u 3 questions.
1. why.
2. did you ever.
3. do you still.
peak hour jams.
went to see bikes with jeric and jovin.
eyeing this 2nd hand bike. 2.7k. but it has alrdy 42k mileage!!
but its a very nice vintagey looking navy blue Spark.
the new spark designs not as nice as the older ones. ):
its 4.4k for a brand new one. but my budget is try and keep everything within 3k.
haiz.
i came home early today.
i watch selene's Twilight DVD (finally).
i think what makes everything so awfully nice is just the resistance or whatever u call it between a couple that's madly in love with each other. the hesitation and all just makes the viewers more... into in.
i'm slpy now.
-
looking out the window, i was thinking if i could just have a few minutes with you,
i'd ask u 3 questions.
1. why.
2. did you ever.
3. do you still.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
done!
(: that its done.
): that there's a little glitch upon presentation
burnt and tired.
but i deserve it because of procrastination.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
uncle james actually needed my help but i totally slpt.
): that there's a little glitch upon presentation
burnt and tired.
but i deserve it because of procrastination.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
uncle james actually needed my help but i totally slpt.
the day
so tired from doing ppt.
and i realised, the iphoto slideshow max is 100 pages.
wth.
damn tired.
i deserve it la. last min work.
brought the macbk wherever i went today.
was so tired that this morng, i was 10mins late for ballet and decided not to go but to go eat lunch and do the ppt.
then tap.
then went for lizzy seah's bday! hahahs. (: great to see kc friends again. hahas.
then andass wedding.
he's really one guy who's really sincere and tries his best to make everyone feel comfortable and all.
saw nigel and kim on the way there.
great to catch up with the photogs.
we somehow managed to move out of photog talk.
tmr's the day where the slides need to be shown.
not looking forward.
so many thoughts in my head abt life.
but i just dont feel like bloggin abt it.
its like a broken record.
oh yea. i broke my fast by drinking sprite during the wedding coz they asked.
(i'm doing a 40day fast on gassy drinks since 11 jan.) ok, i'll make it up by extending 2 days.
will probably post photos in chunk much later.
and i realised, the iphoto slideshow max is 100 pages.
wth.
damn tired.
i deserve it la. last min work.
brought the macbk wherever i went today.
was so tired that this morng, i was 10mins late for ballet and decided not to go but to go eat lunch and do the ppt.
then tap.
then went for lizzy seah's bday! hahahs. (: great to see kc friends again. hahas.
then andass wedding.
he's really one guy who's really sincere and tries his best to make everyone feel comfortable and all.
saw nigel and kim on the way there.
great to catch up with the photogs.
we somehow managed to move out of photog talk.
tmr's the day where the slides need to be shown.
not looking forward.
so many thoughts in my head abt life.
but i just dont feel like bloggin abt it.
its like a broken record.
oh yea. i broke my fast by drinking sprite during the wedding coz they asked.
(i'm doing a 40day fast on gassy drinks since 11 jan.) ok, i'll make it up by extending 2 days.
will probably post photos in chunk much later.
Friday, January 15, 2010
ppt
i spent the day doing ppt.
all thanks to last min work.
i've made huge progress. on day 5 now.
still got 10 days more to go.
sunday's the presentation.
tmr whole day out till late.
sunday morng i'm gg church.
this is scary.
hillsongs are sustaining me now at the moment. (:
all thanks to last min work.
i've made huge progress. on day 5 now.
still got 10 days more to go.
sunday's the presentation.
tmr whole day out till late.
sunday morng i'm gg church.
this is scary.
hillsongs are sustaining me now at the moment. (:
Thursday, January 14, 2010
LICENSED.
:D
i am majorly happy.
woke up at 6am man.
7am reached at the CDC.
NERVOUS LIKE MAD.
everyone was friendly.
warm up was bad. i had 1 immediate failure while exiting fig8. lucky only warm-up.
was rly too nervous.
failing this time would mean to spend more unnecessary money to renew my bk and my PDL and wasted more months and time waiting. i just knew i had one chance to get everything right.
then. wait for damn long.
i'm no. 63.
then, my turn.
damn scared.
gg into slope, at the right turn at the junction, i stalled engine. LUCKY tester didn't see. instructor saw than laugh at me. ahhahas.
while waiting for fig8, i was literally shaking. but gd la, i don't throw my clutch too fast coz i'm bloody careful.
then somehow, i managed to clear fig8 and crank course and exit beautifully.
felt so so darn victorious.
then.
plank.
WAH. this one is nervous max.
i clutch in too early. then the bike loose speed damn quickly. then i was damn slow on the plank which was gd, but too slow to control. i ALMOST fall off plank. but i literally shouted 'come on! come on!' verbally. felt like a fool, but i cleared it amazingly!
probably the slowest time ever taken. (which is ideal).
pylon slalom, immediately after plank.
saw the 4 cones. took a deep breath, just whack la.
dun look down. then i didn't strike any cones, some more at speed.
damn happy.
then E Brake. then... i'M DONE WITH CIRCUIT.
(:
on the way out, i was like. AMEN. i DID IT. hahhas. one of the rare times i did the whole circuit w/o immediate failure.
by the time we hit the road, it was alrdy 10am. morng traffic was indeed clearing up though there were the few very irritating drivers who kept cutting lane and not giving way to us at all.
road went well.
was afraid of the u-turn.
tmd. infront of me was a L-plate car. ok la. give chance.
his u-turn was so darn slow that my bike wobble and i almost couldn't make the turn w/o hitting the car.
then cleared all.
damn happy.
everyone was mingling very well. had alot of waiting time.
talk and talk.
then waiting room. aHHAH. like those reality shows... "ppl in this room.. u have....... faillleddd". hAHAH. no la.
okok.
then yea, waiting room.
talked alot of nonsense.
then,
numbers were called.
those were the failures. everyone damn nervous. we're divided into 10 rows. so if they're done with calling out the failures in ur row, u're safe. for example, for row1, consisting of no.1-9. if 2, 3 and called and they continued with 17.. it means that from 1-9, everyone passed except for 2 & 3.
hahas. everyone was just scaring each other.
then later.. they closed the door....
"all of u in this room have.... PASSED". ahhas. ppl actually cheeered out loud, clap hands and all.
we tried to congratulate the ppl around us and all. ahhas. it felt like we knew each other for damn long. some of them, i've taken pracs with them b4.. and some, totally have no idea. i also chatted with a few SCDF ppl who was taking the TP under their company's sponsorship. ahhaas.
tp's really hard to pass huh.
there was also this lady from Indon.. omg. she like cried.. tears of joy...cried till we left the room and all. eyes all red and all.
then after that, they showed horrible vids of accidents. hahas. there's also a photo of a bike and the rider in mid air, with the taxi wierdly positioned on the road... a vid of a yellow taxi hitting a bike at freakin high speed in the tunnel.
damn sad testimonies.. how this rider killed his friend who was his pillion... and how the whole family is damn sad and all.
hahas.
then, we said a pledge. led by uncle aaron.. this uncle who's probably famous in cdc because of the no. of pracs and revision he has taken. he added lots of words that's damn funny.
then waited again for the detailed results..
took a few pracs and revision with her. today, she's no. 64. was with her whole time throughout. ahhas.
debbie tan ai ping! i can't find ur face book
i just pass happy can alrdy.
then the instructor came to talk to me.. he told me i got 4 pts. like omg. ahhahs. i've hit 64 demerit pts b4. now, 4. that's like a big achievement for me pls. 2 pts for poor acceleration which led to another 2 pts in wobbling.
(: my courses are all well within timing which was a big shock to me. i'm pretty confident of my timing for plank only. crank and slalom are rarely that successful.
so yea. made license. and now, i've got a ticket to the road, as well as a ticket to be accident prone.
but really, i want to thank God for this.
thank God for testers who are damn nice or either didn't spot our mistakes.
thank God for a weather that's too awesome. cool wind breeze actually.
thank God that the road amazingly cleared up.
thank God for patience instructors.
thank God for nice friends around. hahas.
thank God that i got the new bike and it was nice to use.
thank God for keeping the bike still.
(:
can't believe i'm gg to miss this place. and all the instructors who's all so patience in explaining routine tasks in detail.
thank u all for ur wishes and prayers. hahahs.
went home, overwhelmed but the large extremity of feelings that were expressed in one morng.
happy, but beat.
homed at 230pm. slpt till 5pm.
then IVP. against sp.
5-1 to us.
i just felt that its really difficult if not everyone in the same team has a common goal to work out smth tgt.
communication was low. thus, all the breakdowns came in.
i hope we'll get better with each other pls. dont want to waste this.
tp vs rp also was gg on beside us. it was a game that i wanted to watch but i can't coz i was playing at the same time, on the other field beside.
tp won! ((: 3-1.
tp and rp has been rivals for yrs and only until recently that it's really more friendly but still very competitive. though i did not watch the game, i'm pretty sure both teams gave their all with hopes and beliefs.
but really, i'm v v proud of the girls. its like, smth i can't describe. just this shiok and omg-yea-we-did-it feeling. i'm sure marli feels this way as well, just that its perhaps more deep deep. hahas.
came home.
i'm mentally tired.
drained and want to slp.
but i know i can't. coz ... I'VE GOT A PPT TO DO..
I'M AT DAY 1 and SUNDAY'S THE PRESENTATION.
may God give me the strength and inspiration to take me through this.
this is much harder that i thought.
7 more hours!!
ok.
sounds sick but.... i think i love Business Ethics.
it's not like some other lecture where u try and rmbr business models that u won't eventually use in the future. even if need to use it, u'll probably go and look up abt it; do some research or what.
as for Business Ethics.. it makes u think.
i like.
i like subjects that makes u think. think from different persepectives. i like.
and i hope to score in this. real well kind.
trng was gd today. gd to be back in trng after rmbring what i told myself after bowling Milo... seeing all the rev and speed.
i'll rmbr that inspiration; the time when i watched the msia elite team trained. just so inspiring... like a little girl looking out of the window on a snowy day kinda feeling. ahhahahas.
i gave him back the guard! ((:
i'm guard-free now. i want to train even harder now.
missed manda. its my first time in trng w/o her.
i'm probably concentrating more, but still trying to get used to it?
COME BACK.
over supper. omg. ahhahas.
i blurted out something so major that i regretted it and gave deep thoughts abt it.
my friend was saying that he stays in hougang... it was like a grp talk thing.
then, w/o thinking.. i was like.. "oh.. my boyfriend stays at kovan there...(and almost immediately).. oh no. i mean ex boyfriend. ex. long time ago one...".
like omg. totally regretted it. dammit.
anyway. TMR TP. 7am. I AM DAMNSCARED NERVOUS.
keep checking the date and time to see if i'm correct.
this is worse than tournament.
this one, if i fail, need to renew so many things, pay more $$, wait for 3 more months. go through everything again. dammit.
TMR- THIS IS IT.
let me try and go through everything. forget abt reading this if u're not taking 2B at all.
i'm just typing all these to go through and sleep with a sound mind.
-
stop line.
wait for signal to go in numerical order.
signal left
check right left.
turn left.
signal right
mirror, blindspot right, turn lane change right.
stop at stop line. RLRL
inch out.
check for oncoming traffic, check back, turn right, inside lane.
signal left, check blindspot left, change lane left.
after bend, signal right, check blind spot right, make lane change right.
b4 turning right, if need, stop in the middle of the land there (as a marking), if not,
proceed on with right turn. same thing, but gg into slope test.
if gg left lane, keep the signal right then change left.
if gg right lane, keep it.
lets just say i'm on left lane.
stop at yellow line one slope. both brakes.
signal right, check back right.
then release front brake, turn up throttle, release clutch slowly.
once change in sound, release clutch even more, still slowly, and slowly release brake.
*signal left. (always forget)
on moving down slope, in gear 1, release clutch totally. (make it obvious).
b4 coming to stop line, clutch in, brake.
check right left, then turn left.
gg straight b4 left turn, just check back left for blind spot.
pedestrian line crossing... slow down.
go straight. see cone, signal left check left, left turn.
then if b4 yellow box, stop LRLR 2 row.
after that, one row b4 yellow line. CONFIDENCE.
keeping signal left, go into figure of 8 at the blinker.
check left right first.
kick to gear 2. switch off signal
complete in 12 sec or less. come out, clutch in, kick to gear 1 then stop.
signal left, check right left and process on to crank course, in gear 2.
CONFIDENCE again, try to not look down.
exiting, look out for traffic, if clear, turn left, signal right, check blind spot right, make lane change to right.
signal left, check left, lane change left.
stop at red light.
once green light, check right, then check left, go.
back at. 1st stop line.
RLRL. then inch out. then same... all the way to changed lane to left.
check left b4 gg in for PLANK.
switch off signal!!
then. stay COOL.
check right, slowly in gear one, complete plank in more than 6 sec.
then stop.
then check right, go into SLALOM. chill.
look ahead. complete in less than 6 sec.
b4 exiting, check back right. signal right, check back again.
then signal left, check left and go back into E-brake.
at the blinker, check back right, go straight.
go to gear 3, maintaing speed at abt 25km/k.
at white line, off throttle.
reaching yellow line, clutch in and applying both brakes.
keep body upright, legs clamping the tank, look straight ahead.
check right. put right leg down.
left left up, clutch in and kick down all the way to gear 1.
then check left, put left leg down, right leg out.
signal right, check right and go off.
exiting, check back and give way if needed.
straight.... to... ROAD.
exiting, LRLR. stop line. rmbr ti signal left.
check right left, go, and then check right at 1st lamp post.
go straight past 1st junction
then 2nd junction, turn right.
b4 that, 2 yellow boxes if need to stop, LRLR then RLRL.. then single file on R b4 turn.
rmbr, since got green arrow, pocket is allowed for 2 bikes.
then after the turn, lane change to left.
hit speed at abt 60km/h. then change back to right, ready for U-turn.
relax b4 into right lane, bike position is LR LR.
check back on inside due to curb on right.
single row to the traffic light.
U-turn from stop, check left, then while turning slowly in gear one, check right.
once successful, go straight. keep left.
signal left, turn left. rmbr blind spot.
merging lane, rmbr to signal and check right.
then go straight.
after the parking spaces, signal left and lane change left b4 yellow box.
turn left. filter lane, signal right, check right.
then go straight.
signal right, check right.
get ready to turn right. since new green arrow installed, 2 bikes allowed at manhole.
then right turn. careful of wide turns.
then go straight.
nearing sch, signal left, turn left. then change back to right lane.
at the filter lane, keep as to the right as possible.
signal right.
check for oncoming traffic.
check back right, make the left turn. (SHIT. can't rmbr need to check left anot. i think dun need.)
once turn is made, quickly change signal to right, prepare for right turn.
watch on coming.
then turn right, again, watch for on coming, and turn back to sch.
and..
WAIT TO RECIEVE A PASS.
ahhas.
rmbr all the blind spots. make it damn obvious, but careful of road infront.
then careful of wide turns.
most imptly, stay RELAXED AND COOL AND COMPOSED.
dont shake.
CONFIDENCE.
esp while waiting for ur turn and like everyone is looking at u to clear the circuit.
i've done it many many many times. i believe i can do it right just this once.
OK.
this is it.
gd night.
sounds sick but.... i think i love Business Ethics.
it's not like some other lecture where u try and rmbr business models that u won't eventually use in the future. even if need to use it, u'll probably go and look up abt it; do some research or what.
as for Business Ethics.. it makes u think.
i like.
i like subjects that makes u think. think from different persepectives. i like.
and i hope to score in this. real well kind.
trng was gd today. gd to be back in trng after rmbring what i told myself after bowling Milo... seeing all the rev and speed.
i'll rmbr that inspiration; the time when i watched the msia elite team trained. just so inspiring... like a little girl looking out of the window on a snowy day kinda feeling. ahhahahas.
i gave him back the guard! ((:
i'm guard-free now. i want to train even harder now.
missed manda. its my first time in trng w/o her.
i'm probably concentrating more, but still trying to get used to it?
COME BACK.
over supper. omg. ahhahas.
i blurted out something so major that i regretted it and gave deep thoughts abt it.
my friend was saying that he stays in hougang... it was like a grp talk thing.
then, w/o thinking.. i was like.. "oh.. my boyfriend stays at kovan there...(and almost immediately).. oh no. i mean ex boyfriend. ex. long time ago one...".
like omg. totally regretted it. dammit.
anyway. TMR TP. 7am. I AM DAMN
keep checking the date and time to see if i'm correct.
this is worse than tournament.
this one, if i fail, need to renew so many things, pay more $$, wait for 3 more months. go through everything again. dammit.
TMR- THIS IS IT.
let me try and go through everything. forget abt reading this if u're not taking 2B at all.
i'm just typing all these to go through and sleep with a sound mind.
-
stop line.
wait for signal to go in numerical order.
signal left
check right left.
turn left.
signal right
mirror, blindspot right, turn lane change right.
stop at stop line. RLRL
inch out.
check for oncoming traffic, check back, turn right, inside lane.
signal left, check blindspot left, change lane left.
after bend, signal right, check blind spot right, make lane change right.
b4 turning right, if need, stop in the middle of the land there (as a marking), if not,
proceed on with right turn. same thing, but gg into slope test.
if gg left lane, keep the signal right then change left.
if gg right lane, keep it.
lets just say i'm on left lane.
stop at yellow line one slope. both brakes.
signal right, check back right.
then release front brake, turn up throttle, release clutch slowly.
once change in sound, release clutch even more, still slowly, and slowly release brake.
*signal left. (always forget)
on moving down slope, in gear 1, release clutch totally. (make it obvious).
b4 coming to stop line, clutch in, brake.
check right left, then turn left.
gg straight b4 left turn, just check back left for blind spot.
pedestrian line crossing... slow down.
go straight. see cone, signal left check left, left turn.
then if b4 yellow box, stop LRLR 2 row.
after that, one row b4 yellow line. CONFIDENCE.
keeping signal left, go into figure of 8 at the blinker.
check left right first.
kick to gear 2. switch off signal
complete in 12 sec or less. come out, clutch in, kick to gear 1 then stop.
signal left, check right left and process on to crank course, in gear 2.
CONFIDENCE again, try to not look down.
exiting, look out for traffic, if clear, turn left, signal right, check blind spot right, make lane change to right.
signal left, check left, lane change left.
stop at red light.
once green light, check right, then check left, go.
back at. 1st stop line.
RLRL. then inch out. then same... all the way to changed lane to left.
check left b4 gg in for PLANK.
switch off signal!!
then. stay COOL.
check right, slowly in gear one, complete plank in more than 6 sec.
then stop.
then check right, go into SLALOM. chill.
look ahead. complete in less than 6 sec.
b4 exiting, check back right. signal right, check back again.
then signal left, check left and go back into E-brake.
at the blinker, check back right, go straight.
go to gear 3, maintaing speed at abt 25km/k.
at white line, off throttle.
reaching yellow line, clutch in and applying both brakes.
keep body upright, legs clamping the tank, look straight ahead.
check right. put right leg down.
left left up, clutch in and kick down all the way to gear 1.
then check left, put left leg down, right leg out.
signal right, check right and go off.
exiting, check back and give way if needed.
straight.... to... ROAD.
exiting, LRLR. stop line. rmbr ti signal left.
check right left, go, and then check right at 1st lamp post.
go straight past 1st junction
then 2nd junction, turn right.
b4 that, 2 yellow boxes if need to stop, LRLR then RLRL.. then single file on R b4 turn.
rmbr, since got green arrow, pocket is allowed for 2 bikes.
then after the turn, lane change to left.
hit speed at abt 60km/h. then change back to right, ready for U-turn.
relax b4 into right lane, bike position is LR LR.
check back on inside due to curb on right.
single row to the traffic light.
U-turn from stop, check left, then while turning slowly in gear one, check right.
once successful, go straight. keep left.
signal left, turn left. rmbr blind spot.
merging lane, rmbr to signal and check right.
then go straight.
after the parking spaces, signal left and lane change left b4 yellow box.
turn left. filter lane, signal right, check right.
then go straight.
signal right, check right.
get ready to turn right. since new green arrow installed, 2 bikes allowed at manhole.
then right turn. careful of wide turns.
then go straight.
nearing sch, signal left, turn left. then change back to right lane.
at the filter lane, keep as to the right as possible.
signal right.
check for oncoming traffic.
check back right, make the left turn. (SHIT. can't rmbr need to check left anot. i think dun need.)
once turn is made, quickly change signal to right, prepare for right turn.
watch on coming.
then turn right, again, watch for on coming, and turn back to sch.
and..
WAIT TO RECIEVE A PASS.
ahhas.
rmbr all the blind spots. make it damn obvious, but careful of road infront.
then careful of wide turns.
most imptly, stay RELAXED AND COOL AND COMPOSED.
dont shake.
CONFIDENCE.
esp while waiting for ur turn and like everyone is looking at u to clear the circuit.
i've done it many many many times. i believe i can do it right just this once.
OK.
this is it.
gd night.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
ONE more day
i went for rd and circuit revision today.
duno y, each time i go, sure got smth happen.
even if its not me, it'll be someone.
the instructor commented that i'm gd at road.. (ahhahahs. ohhhss...) despite my reputation in cdc at ubi.
so..
during road...
u know, b4 u do a left turn from a stop, u check back right, then check left for blind spot.
then this guy infront did just that.
BUT. after u turn, its a merging lane. then..
omg.
he totally didn't see a yellow taxi infront.
i was RIGHT BEHIND him.
he jammed brake, with a loud screeechhing sound (those kind of sounds u hear b4 an accident).
and thank God, he didn't hit the taxi. but, he totally fell off his bike, leaving his rear wheel still spinning.
from behind, i just majorly clutched in as hard as i possibly could and braked in time.
thank God for that.
all the cars around was looking man.
so much for a last road revision huh.
THURS' IT.
omg omg. I MUST PASS.
I dont want to waste $$$ to renew my bk and PDL. omg.
no stress no stresss!
pray for peace.
pray for nice drivers.
pray that the morng congestion will amazingly clear up.
pray that i'll get a gd bike.
pray for blind instructors.
pray for gd weather.
duno y, each time i go, sure got smth happen.
even if its not me, it'll be someone.
the instructor commented that i'm gd at road.. (ahhahahs. ohhhss...) despite my reputation in cdc at ubi.
so..
during road...
u know, b4 u do a left turn from a stop, u check back right, then check left for blind spot.
then this guy infront did just that.
BUT. after u turn, its a merging lane. then..
omg.
he totally didn't see a yellow taxi infront.
i was RIGHT BEHIND him.
he jammed brake, with a loud screeechhing sound (those kind of sounds u hear b4 an accident).
and thank God, he didn't hit the taxi. but, he totally fell off his bike, leaving his rear wheel still spinning.
from behind, i just majorly clutched in as hard as i possibly could and braked in time.
thank God for that.
all the cars around was looking man.
so much for a last road revision huh.
THURS' IT.
omg omg. I MUST PASS.
I dont want to waste $$$ to renew my bk and PDL. omg.
no stress no stresss!
pray for peace.
pray for nice drivers.
pray that the morng congestion will amazingly clear up.
pray that i'll get a gd bike.
pray for blind instructors.
pray for gd weather.
Monday, January 11, 2010
off
sold my manhattan portage bag today. ):
really gonna miss it.
i love stuff that keeps my things dry.
then Biz Ethics lect.
i felt that it was a diff lecturing style. speaks fast. but he's smart.
day one of IVP.
took a $4.60 cab from SIM to NP fot ivp.
lect ended at 6.20pm.. game was at 6.45pm.
felt very not focused mentally. its like.. very switched off.
the 1st try.. damn funny. jia yu score on the 5m line. then nvm. we took a touch count from there, passed to shi... and she scored on the dead ball line. AHHAHA.
its like.. TRY AREA GIRLS. ahahhahas. the refs were like.. huh?!
at full time, 18-0 to us. they're a new team la, and out team is made up of experienced players.
but, i think we didn't play as well as we should be?
maybe its the pms. or its the rushing or its the first day of ivp or what... i dnk y i cannot get myself to start. its like a Windows 95 taking forever to boot up. felt that i was 5 steps slow; mentally. my 2nd half was more awake.. though still holding back so much.
i thought as a team, we could have used the game to try our moves more instead of just wanting to break through. our defense ok. but if with faster teams, i think it can be quite disaterous. i duno. i guess we'll just take one game at a time. the next few games, i dun think we'll be having even 12 players.
i hope our fitness won't cause us alot of problem. *cross our fingers.
proud that TP did well. but NP really improved alot. 9-2 to TP.
RP had 13-0 with SMU.
SP vs NYP 8-0. to SP.
was abit shocked by that, considering that they just won pol-ite this yr. i guess the absence of the snrs played a big part.
i'm starting a 40 day fast on nice cold gassy (with e exception of isotonic drinks).
i hope to be more discipline.
and that e prayers that i've been praying all these yrs will be more effective.
really gonna miss it.
i love stuff that keeps my things dry.
then Biz Ethics lect.
i felt that it was a diff lecturing style. speaks fast. but he's smart.
day one of IVP.
took a $4.60 cab from SIM to NP fot ivp.
lect ended at 6.20pm.. game was at 6.45pm.
felt very not focused mentally. its like.. very switched off.
the 1st try.. damn funny. jia yu score on the 5m line. then nvm. we took a touch count from there, passed to shi... and she scored on the dead ball line. AHHAHA.
its like.. TRY AREA GIRLS. ahahhahas. the refs were like.. huh?!
at full time, 18-0 to us. they're a new team la, and out team is made up of experienced players.
but, i think we didn't play as well as we should be?
maybe its the pms. or its the rushing or its the first day of ivp or what... i dnk y i cannot get myself to start. its like a Windows 95 taking forever to boot up. felt that i was 5 steps slow; mentally. my 2nd half was more awake.. though still holding back so much.
i thought as a team, we could have used the game to try our moves more instead of just wanting to break through. our defense ok. but if with faster teams, i think it can be quite disaterous. i duno. i guess we'll just take one game at a time. the next few games, i dun think we'll be having even 12 players.
i hope our fitness won't cause us alot of problem. *cross our fingers.
proud that TP did well. but NP really improved alot. 9-2 to TP.
RP had 13-0 with SMU.
SP vs NYP 8-0. to SP.
was abit shocked by that, considering that they just won pol-ite this yr. i guess the absence of the snrs played a big part.
i'm starting a 40 day fast on nice cold gassy (with e exception of isotonic drinks).
i hope to be more discipline.
and that e prayers that i've been praying all these yrs will be more effective.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
people.
today's eventful.
let's go in chronological order.
church.
2 wk in the row. and i'm counting. the best thing is, i'm not really really like forcing-forcing kinda thing. its more of like challenging me back. solo's like my runner; i.e running with me.
waking up at 830am is proving to be a challenge. how weak.
oh yes. and just today, i've got 5 'assignments'. FIVE.
i totally rejected one from pastor. four then. FOUR.
just hope i'm using whatever i have well enough.
ulrica has great hair today. angelic. ahhas. and like for some hair ad.
we're playing with the specs.
then, i rode on Jovin's 2nd hand (but relatively NEW) Yamaha SPARK. WHOOTS. shiok to the max. bad thing is, no electric start.
realised that the stepping gear thing's also gd.
bad news is.. mum doesn't want to lend me money to buy the bike first. i need my logical persuaive power.
then, met up with sec sch friends!!! haahhas.
nat's back.
sam's also.
everyone's back for the hols. but these 2 are the super dun fly back one. hahas. to come here, sam gotta pay like a few $k on the flight.
had a stupid but great time. sometimes, its really with these ppl that i dont afraid to be who i am, to just enjoy myself. love them. coz we love each other. haahhas. its like, though we're from diff bgs, diff places and all, we can just gel, anywhere and anytime even after so many yrs. its the 4sixers spirit i guess. to be herself and to do well? AHAHA. we dont have a specific clique i guess. its like... if u're in 4six, u're one.
and that's nice.
THEN.
i went to find nigel since he's gg to be alone after his friend leaves. i haven't seen him since he went in. i didn't even see him when his hair was botak. the whole episode of it. so, seeing him in church (after he booked out in the morng) during svc was gd.
we caught up with each other's lives and future. its just how interesting God uses music to bring ppl tgt? nigel's my homie. he's one of the persons that has an impact on my music life. w/o him, i dun think i'm any bit interested in the electric. i dnk. he's just like a rly gd sis to me. HAHA.
anyways.
then, family event.
uncle jo's bday. (told u my day was like long).
its a roysth celebration like any other at Lorong Chuan. honestly, i missed the times at Rosyth. i think that's alrdy the best yrs.
last night, was flippin' for books to use to take down notes during sermon siol. ahhas. then i came across this book.
i like no. 3 best. (: feels like a conqueror.
honestly, i'm trying to revive smth that i've lost.
i'm trying to love more.
i've probably been so into achieving my goals that i forget to love. i mean like, i always do things with my 100% passion and sincerity. i've always been giving my best. but its a whole different ball game if i'm not loving it. maybe that's just the problem that i've created. maybe
(how to explain arh.) its like.. aiya. i dk i dk i dk!
hate to have feelings that no words put tgt can simply describe.
its not just the relationships around. that's secondary.
primarily, i'm trying to establish my walk with God again.
recently, i happened to stumble on this blog. she's a bowler, just like me. i've always admired her talent, as well as for being so humble in bowling. that started when i was watching her in the step-ladders in the Nationals C ships.
reading her blog, i've learnt so many things. i nv knew she was also a believer.
i think that instead of buying spiritual-godly books that give advices on how-to-manage-God-and-sports and all, i should just read her blog. i can relate to so well. maybe also because we're in the same sport.
clearly, i've taken God's grace for granted, knowing, and yet, still searching for answers to questions that have alrdy been answered.
ok. i know for the duno how many times i've said, i'm not gg to blog abt this person anymore right. its even made it to my new yr resolution that i've successfully broken in no less than a wk of Jan 10.
u know what, can i just admit defeat...
i guess should stop thinking that i strong enough to play ignorant to everything like as if nothing has happened. i cannot just let go smth that's still playing such a big part in my life. i know that i'm not supposed to just give up like that. but honestly, its been 2 long yrs. everyday's different.
i've tried many psychological ways to get back. u rly dnk what kind of battle is gg on inside. and it never ends no matter the circumstances.
today, i finally get to see this person after dk how long.
that's probably what made all my strength turned like cotton candy. its soft, sweet, and it melts. (wah. i'm so gg to score for lit with such gd usage of metaphor.)
the whole thing is just like in the first few chpts of Twilight....(oh shut up. enuff.).. how the both of them exchanged glances, shun away and all those. Its like.. I-know-u-are-there-but-I’m-not-seeing-you kinda thing?
so my fb status/ tumblr post is: "The sight of you turns my strength into cotton-candy; soft, sweet and it melts.” - P. Marian
HAHA. oh what genius.
but seriously, i'm still trying to control it. since i cant use words, i'm gg to use ppl.
i feel like Jean Grey, like Edward, and like Bella. does that help?
ok. having said all that, honestly, because i am marian after all, on the surface, nothing's really gonna change.
inwardly, i know there'll be.
it'll be more painful. but i will still hold on to the phrase that 'time heals all wounds'. and what's gonna speed things up is if my relationship with God is adjusted.
i read what M gave to A for his christmas present during service today.i read it twice. then i read again.
and again.
[ blurred out photo removed upon request.]
my intentions were exactly the same then.
i rmbr giving u a e purple purpose driven life book during christmas.
wah. how steady pom pee pee right.
nv knew i could be so nice right.
this is such a valuable post. i'm like talking abt so many things. i think ppl reading this blog can't catch up.
Ok. I’ve really got too many thoughts in my heads. Too many what if’s. too many thoughts.
When I blog, I start thinking more. Coz when I type, I slow my thoughts down… its said that ur brain processes abt 3 times faster than write/type or smth like that. I can’t rmb the stats.. but I just know its too fast to pen my thoughts down step by step.
Say or don’t say, blog or don’t blog, nothing’s gg to change significantly I guess.
At the end of the day, FORGET ABT EVERYTHING and back to square one.
let's go in chronological order.
church.
2 wk in the row. and i'm counting. the best thing is, i'm not really really like forcing-forcing kinda thing. its more of like challenging me back. solo's like my runner; i.e running with me.
waking up at 830am is proving to be a challenge. how weak.
oh yes. and just today, i've got 5 'assignments'. FIVE.
i totally rejected one from pastor. four then. FOUR.
just hope i'm using whatever i have well enough.
ulrica has great hair today. angelic. ahhas. and like for some hair ad.
we're playing with the specs.
then, i rode on Jovin's 2nd hand (but relatively NEW) Yamaha SPARK. WHOOTS. shiok to the max. bad thing is, no electric start.
realised that the stepping gear thing's also gd.
bad news is.. mum doesn't want to lend me money to buy the bike first. i need my logical persuaive power.
then, met up with sec sch friends!!! haahhas.
nat's back.
sam's also.
everyone's back for the hols. but these 2 are the super dun fly back one. hahas. to come here, sam gotta pay like a few $k on the flight.
had a stupid but great time. sometimes, its really with these ppl that i dont afraid to be who i am, to just enjoy myself. love them. coz we love each other. haahhas. its like, though we're from diff bgs, diff places and all, we can just gel, anywhere and anytime even after so many yrs. its the 4sixers spirit i guess. to be herself and to do well? AHAHA. we dont have a specific clique i guess. its like... if u're in 4six, u're one.
and that's nice.
THEN.
i went to find nigel since he's gg to be alone after his friend leaves. i haven't seen him since he went in. i didn't even see him when his hair was botak. the whole episode of it. so, seeing him in church (after he booked out in the morng) during svc was gd.
we caught up with each other's lives and future. its just how interesting God uses music to bring ppl tgt? nigel's my homie. he's one of the persons that has an impact on my music life. w/o him, i dun think i'm any bit interested in the electric. i dnk. he's just like a rly gd sis to me. HAHA.
anyways.
then, family event.
uncle jo's bday. (told u my day was like long).
its a roysth celebration like any other at Lorong Chuan. honestly, i missed the times at Rosyth. i think that's alrdy the best yrs.
last night, was flippin' for books to use to take down notes during sermon siol. ahhas. then i came across this book.
i like no. 3 best. (: feels like a conqueror.
honestly, i'm trying to revive smth that i've lost.
i'm trying to love more.
i've probably been so into achieving my goals that i forget to love. i mean like, i always do things with my 100% passion and sincerity. i've always been giving my best. but its a whole different ball game if i'm not loving it. maybe that's just the problem that i've created. maybe
(how to explain arh.) its like.. aiya. i dk i dk i dk!
hate to have feelings that no words put tgt can simply describe.
its not just the relationships around. that's secondary.
primarily, i'm trying to establish my walk with God again.
recently, i happened to stumble on this blog. she's a bowler, just like me. i've always admired her talent, as well as for being so humble in bowling. that started when i was watching her in the step-ladders in the Nationals C ships.
reading her blog, i've learnt so many things. i nv knew she was also a believer.
i think that instead of buying spiritual-godly books that give advices on how-to-manage-God-and-sports and all, i should just read her blog. i can relate to so well. maybe also because we're in the same sport.
clearly, i've taken God's grace for granted, knowing, and yet, still searching for answers to questions that have alrdy been answered.
ok. i know for the duno how many times i've said, i'm not gg to blog abt this person anymore right. its even made it to my new yr resolution that i've successfully broken in no less than a wk of Jan 10.
u know what, can i just admit defeat...
i guess should stop thinking that i strong enough to play ignorant to everything like as if nothing has happened. i cannot just let go smth that's still playing such a big part in my life. i know that i'm not supposed to just give up like that. but honestly, its been 2 long yrs. everyday's different.
i've tried many psychological ways to get back. u rly dnk what kind of battle is gg on inside. and it never ends no matter the circumstances.
today, i finally get to see this person after dk how long.
that's probably what made all my strength turned like cotton candy. its soft, sweet, and it melts. (wah. i'm so gg to score for lit with such gd usage of metaphor.)
the whole thing is just like in the first few chpts of Twilight....(oh shut up. enuff.).. how the both of them exchanged glances, shun away and all those. Its like.. I-know-u-are-there-but-I’m-not-seeing-you kinda thing?
so my fb status/ tumblr post is: "The sight of you turns my strength into cotton-candy; soft, sweet and it melts.” - P. Marian
HAHA. oh what genius.
but seriously, i'm still trying to control it. since i cant use words, i'm gg to use ppl.
i feel like Jean Grey, like Edward, and like Bella. does that help?
ok. having said all that, honestly, because i am marian after all, on the surface, nothing's really gonna change.
inwardly, i know there'll be.
it'll be more painful. but i will still hold on to the phrase that 'time heals all wounds'. and what's gonna speed things up is if my relationship with God is adjusted.
i read what M gave to A for his christmas present during service today.i read it twice. then i read again.
and again.
[ blurred out photo removed upon request.]
my intentions were exactly the same then.
i rmbr giving u a e purple purpose driven life book during christmas.
wah. how steady pom pee pee right.
nv knew i could be so nice right.
this is such a valuable post. i'm like talking abt so many things. i think ppl reading this blog can't catch up.
Ok. I’ve really got too many thoughts in my heads. Too many what if’s. too many thoughts.
When I blog, I start thinking more. Coz when I type, I slow my thoughts down… its said that ur brain processes abt 3 times faster than write/type or smth like that. I can’t rmb the stats.. but I just know its too fast to pen my thoughts down step by step.
Say or don’t say, blog or don’t blog, nothing’s gg to change significantly I guess.
At the end of the day, FORGET ABT EVERYTHING and back to square one.
Saturday, January 09, 2010
daily socks
i'm sry that i'm gg to say smth abt Twilight again. ahhs.
u know, the part i read abt when Edward plays a beautiful piano piece that he composed for Bella?
initially, i heard the song over my colleague's com during SIP. and it was on REPEAT MODE. for like a everytime, for a few wks, even when she's away in meetings.
honestly, i didn't like the song.
and i really didn't quite get why OL can also be so crazy over this whole Twilight saga.
its the song called 'Yiruma- River Flows In You'.
but after reading the book, i like the song.
so, this explains some.
words/ meanings add value to whatever thing's that blend.
i dont think i'm explaining it as well as i'm trying to.
hah.
so this morng, had friendly with the team, again.
honestly, my muscles haven't recovered from last night. hahahas.
this morng, glad that some of the SIM players came though. for us, IVP's like here and there.
once, the oh so great Poon M. said that its "either we make it as a team or break as individuals." so i rly dnk this time.
but, we all felt damn tired today. also because the lack of subs la. ahhahhas. but seriously, if we lose because of our fitness, its really not worth it.
and for TP, all the best. though we're all in this altogether (but seperately), i'd really wish u guys well; to claim the title, to win this because u guys trained so hard and have been through so much tgt, moving up together as one strong team.
.. then i went for tap!!!
1st time in 6 months. quite happy actually. its probably the dance that i can relax and enjoy it.
came back. tireddddddd. slpt in the bus. watch Xmen3 at home just to finish the series for the duno how may round.
again, i procrastinated.
didn't do the ppt. and tadah, I'M ON DAY 2 (out of 15). hahas. i duno how with ivp games, physio, lectures, bike TP and all that i'd finish it by next fri.
blame it on myself. i brought this upon myself. all thanks to e procrastinating with special thanks to the new yr resolution making this whole reverse psychology, reversed.
bah!
the when out for dinner with my mum.
feels lonely altogether. and she never fails to pass a comment on my dad. 'wah, its the 6th yr alrdy ar'. i dont blame her. but this time, with my sis being technically married out of the house, silence can be deafening. its like, a table of 4 is always filled. now, there's 2 empty spaces to put our bags and stuff.
shopped for the little boy's clothes. went to toys R' us to buy Thomas trains for the girl.
(HAHAHAH. NOTICED THE IRONY??)
yea. my mum and this other aunty was obviously talking to a kid on the phone to ask like which train to buy... "edward? gordon..the green one? issit the...." and the whatever nots. i stood there, wanted to like vid the whole thing, but i unfortunately didn't bring my camera out. (one of the rare times i dont bring.) what a sight.
mum bought this for me from MOTHER CARE. ahhahhas.
boy's socks. hahahahhaahhas. totally love it. 7 pair of socks for $25. 1 for 1 day. ahhahahhaas. (:
bought the biggest size and its just nice. totally kiddish.
HHAHHAHAHAH.
she totally looks like him with her hair like that. she cropped her face onto her friend's face, so she has this hair style. ahhas.
hahas. i dun have the luxury of using photoshop, but i used ppt & print scrn fcns. tuning colours would probably make things even more similar. hahas.
u know, the part i read abt when Edward plays a beautiful piano piece that he composed for Bella?
initially, i heard the song over my colleague's com during SIP. and it was on REPEAT MODE. for like a everytime, for a few wks, even when she's away in meetings.
honestly, i didn't like the song.
and i really didn't quite get why OL can also be so crazy over this whole Twilight saga.
its the song called 'Yiruma- River Flows In You'.
but after reading the book, i like the song.
so, this explains some.
words/ meanings add value to whatever thing's that blend.
i dont think i'm explaining it as well as i'm trying to.
hah.
so this morng, had friendly with the team, again.
honestly, my muscles haven't recovered from last night. hahahas.
this morng, glad that some of the SIM players came though. for us, IVP's like here and there.
once, the oh so great Poon M. said that its "either we make it as a team or break as individuals." so i rly dnk this time.
but, we all felt damn tired today. also because the lack of subs la. ahhahhas. but seriously, if we lose because of our fitness, its really not worth it.
and for TP, all the best. though we're all in this altogether (but seperately), i'd really wish u guys well; to claim the title, to win this because u guys trained so hard and have been through so much tgt, moving up together as one strong team.
.. then i went for tap!!!
1st time in 6 months. quite happy actually. its probably the dance that i can relax and enjoy it.
came back. tireddddddd. slpt in the bus. watch Xmen3 at home just to finish the series for the duno how may round.
again, i procrastinated.
didn't do the ppt. and tadah, I'M ON DAY 2 (out of 15). hahas. i duno how with ivp games, physio, lectures, bike TP and all that i'd finish it by next fri.
blame it on myself. i brought this upon myself. all thanks to e procrastinating with special thanks to the new yr resolution making this whole reverse psychology, reversed.
bah!
the when out for dinner with my mum.
feels lonely altogether. and she never fails to pass a comment on my dad. 'wah, its the 6th yr alrdy ar'. i dont blame her. but this time, with my sis being technically married out of the house, silence can be deafening. its like, a table of 4 is always filled. now, there's 2 empty spaces to put our bags and stuff.
shopped for the little boy's clothes. went to toys R' us to buy Thomas trains for the girl.
(HAHAHAH. NOTICED THE IRONY??)
yea. my mum and this other aunty was obviously talking to a kid on the phone to ask like which train to buy... "edward? gordon..the green one? issit the...." and the whatever nots. i stood there, wanted to like vid the whole thing, but i unfortunately didn't bring my camera out. (one of the rare times i dont bring.) what a sight.
mum bought this for me from MOTHER CARE. ahhahhas.
boy's socks. hahahahhaahhas. totally love it. 7 pair of socks for $25. 1 for 1 day. ahhahahhaas. (:
bought the biggest size and its just nice. totally kiddish.
HHAHHAHAHAH.
she totally looks like him with her hair like that. she cropped her face onto her friend's face, so she has this hair style. ahhas.
hahas. i dun have the luxury of using photoshop, but i used ppt & print scrn fcns. tuning colours would probably make things even more similar. hahas.
Friday, January 08, 2010
throbbing
ubi has a whole new array of bikes!! whoots.
during road revision. i almost got into an accident with a van coz of bad judgement.
i supposed to make a right turn, but the opposing direction vehicle turned left, almost simultaneously.
but yea, i was bad. sry. ahhas. when when were on the straight road, the driver purposely position his van so that he could see me from his side mirror.
he was laughing.
hahahs.. coz the instructor was like scolding me like wth i was doing and all.
ahhahs. damn pai seh.
but thank God.
i should relax more. then can see more.
today, went back to TP again to play.
while walking down business sch, seeing all the tp kids chionging projects... i really do miss those disgusting times.
where we stayed in sch. microsoft word and photoshop.
then plus WORD CHALLENGE in the middle of the night to prevent us from getting insane.
hahahs. then next day, submission then presentation. hahahas.
go home, plops on the bed- unconscious.
was nice to see my snrs again. miss them. ahahs.
i rmbr 1st quarter, my head had a throbbing pain.
can't tell why. probably lack of water and just unfit. hahahs. but i was so pain that i just have to blog abt it.
ya.
HHAHHAA.
nonsense.
during road revision. i almost got into an accident with a van coz of bad judgement.
i supposed to make a right turn, but the opposing direction vehicle turned left, almost simultaneously.
but yea, i was bad. sry. ahhas. when when were on the straight road, the driver purposely position his van so that he could see me from his side mirror.
he was laughing.
hahahs.. coz the instructor was like scolding me like wth i was doing and all.
ahhahs. damn pai seh.
but thank God.
i should relax more. then can see more.
today, went back to TP again to play.
while walking down business sch, seeing all the tp kids chionging projects... i really do miss those disgusting times.
where we stayed in sch. microsoft word and photoshop.
then plus WORD CHALLENGE in the middle of the night to prevent us from getting insane.
hahahs. then next day, submission then presentation. hahahas.
go home, plops on the bed- unconscious.
was nice to see my snrs again. miss them. ahahs.
i rmbr 1st quarter, my head had a throbbing pain.
can't tell why. probably lack of water and just unfit. hahahs. but i was so pain that i just have to blog abt it.
ya.
HHAHHAA.
nonsense.
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