what drives.

in our weakness, we seek our strength.

in disappointments, we gather up much faith.

we become stronger, elevating us to a height that we can....

.... fall so hard down.

and we're back to square one.

seeking that strength.

gathering up much faith.

and then, it becomes such a pleasant vicious cycle. doesn't it.

so does it justify myself if i start to be attracted to weakness? coz it gives me the strength to do the things in which i can't w/o that kind of strength. then again, it is the absence of such strength that we become weak. so then, which is which. we have our weaknesses so that strength can surface; or we should just have that strength, to overcome everything and anything which is not that consistently possible. easier said that done. nothing is ever tangible.

its just like saying, we can't measure cold. because cold can only exist in the absence of heat; we can measure heat.

darkness. we can't really present darkness to anyone. darkness is the absence of light. 

its probably the same concept of why the government supports competition. we can't have an oligopolistic market in which, there's no competitors to bring out healthy competition for the good benefit of its market and buyers right.
hah. the dangers of using such an analogy.

i'm probably trying to scrape out the concept of ppl who are like 井底之蛙. frogs in the well.

no drive to compete coz one sees no positive opportunity that's available in self-improvement;  vs one who know's what's avaliable and better out there and strives for it.

ok.

what i'm probably trying to say is the differences in such inconsistencies allow us to strive harder to achieve a better platform to stand on. aka. always seeking self-improvement. aka. being selfish because 

一山不能藏二虎。  (wahh. what's with all these 4 letter and atas chinese phrases tonight man.)

ok. whatever.

i just know that w/o this kind of blatant disappointing sadness, i wouldn't have such strength to draw out rejection like a sword, putting a stopper before things may just get out of hand if the heart gets in the way. i'm not saying the heart is bad. but it is reckless in its foolishness. for the mind is distant and weak. intangible highspeed synapses can't beat the tangilble presence of warm blood though they're essentially the power masters of it all right. 

this is just stupid that i'm still fretting over it.

nothing in this world is ever true.

in The Beginning, God gave Man the freedom of choice in which he chose to sin. from then on, its a point of no return. one step. that's all it takes.

just like how Neil Armstrong says "one small step for a man, a giant leap for Mankind".

not saying that we should strive for a sin-less life coz we're never machine-made. as pure just like that. 

what makes.

the shadow proves the sunshine.

- songs of Switchfoot.

i should give up.

and this time, its not easy giving up. since i've tried, i should keep on trying since i know that there's not gg to be a far-fetched end goal anyway.

what drives.