the guards. the safety mechanism

had a rather chillax saturday. not my usual saturday.
woke up to the need of no alarm.
went down to catch the sg vs hk test match.
then off to church for the annual Carols By Candlelight event.
suppered. then h2h with the old friends.
and now on my bed, back home after a cold and rainy night, with 30% batt left on my com.

well, i've got another bowling tournament in 4 hrs, and rugby trng in 12hrs.
i'm just gonna make this brief.



the h2h session was..... idk how to describe it. but it brings about many thoughts.





there's really nothing in this world that we can be so confident of. even no matter how confident we can be, seem to be, or want to be, we can't really never be that sure right. i believe that even in every competitive, focused say...sportsman, there's this part of ur brain that tells u no. ok. more like to prepare u for a setback, a fall/ just like a safety mechanism. how 'serviceable' this mechanism we've all subconsciously put it place is probably defined by the experiences and setbacks we personally face, or at least witness/ hear those that other ppl have faced right. the level and degree of it, we think we know, but honestly, no one knows.


no one truly knows all the shit boundaries we say we define for ourselves right.
we'll probably only know when it happens. either we go up or down and more often than not, in regret; due to the fact that we can never be 100% protected / guarded.



needs and wants.
we create our own needs and wants. to simply put it generally- textbook style, Marketing is all about creating needs and wants. its all these things around us that successfully place thoughts in our head. what we need. what we want. no matter how much we say we dont, with such visual input, how can we be so sure that we've rejected it totally.  Marketing simply rolls it up into a snowball effect, allowing such needs and wants to grow bigger and bigger as gravity and velocity take control.
and everything is so craftily done in an elegant, conspicuous, graceful, and eventually, underylying manner; just like a silent killer; an athletic ninja. we die, and we dont even know that we've died and why.




the world is nothing as we deem it seems.






really not trying to be very philosophical in any sense. but truths are always distorted, promoted to white lies. as we start to get older, everything gets diluted. the experiences we have always seem to gets all the credit. but all these experiences are probably the cause of such dilution, loosing its concentrated faith and confidence. and as we mentally gather up the experiences in our own set of database, it tabulates and evaluations everything, constant-sum it all and eventually, we arrive at and infinity solution; perfect dilution. everything that we've believed in, trained for, or being taught so dilligently when we're young, becomes so small minute particles that can be passed off as insignificant, and to a point, non-existant.



ok. i may not fully comprehend the point that i'm trying to bring our here, or if i really do have a point.
maybe, the point is, there's no point.
perhaps, we can set some caution and warning signs in accordance with our own set of promising standards. but shit happens. and we it happens, we have to deal with it. we fall, we stand. period. our perception constantly changes, no matter how much we want it to or not.
deception.
we'll only know tt it's deception when, we've been deceived. some probably, even knowing that its a big deception, doesn't know that they've been deceived. deception then becomes another meaning; a whole new development plan that we think its best for us.



idk, but i'm trying not to be confused in life coz there's really no need or demand to be so.
but sometimes, its really such thoughts that validates our safety mechanism.
its such safey buoys that cushions our fall. we still fall, but we can survive it to live another day and perhaps, grow stronger from such another fall. humanly, we're all very selfish people because thats how we adapt to survive and brave through the conditions that the world has set for ourselves. in the past, the very very distant past, its probably the forceful natural winds, mountains, rains, wild animals that has brought about positive human change so that we can be adapted to survive and carry on. now, its probably all these on-going news, marketing, social media, competition that starts to further spurr on human development. we do have our morals. but all these will just shift accordingly to how the society defines no mater strong headed an individualist may be.



nothing is ever true.
nothing should be ever true.







that's y, as Christmas draws near, i want to slow down and earnestly thank God for the birth of Jesus.
knowing that he's gonna to be sending His Son to die on the cross, go through all the pain, and as self-inflicting as it may seem, its only though His blood that we can be cleansed from all unrighteousness. ok. i dont think i wanna go into the biblical context here coz i pretty much have minimal understanding towards such things for now. but i just want to be thankful, appreciative and be someone that God and look upon with a smile.
its not about being sin-free, but i just wanna be real and true.