useful.

felt really useful in church today.

i realised that there's alot of areas in the church that i'm serving right now. infact, alot. and every.

its been a month since each wk, there's someone who comes up to me to seek help in terms of photography / graphic/ art / dance/ music and so on. i'm honoured that ppl think highly of me in such aspects luh.

i always have to ask this question, am i able to commit to this task. hard to reject, but i will know where my dotted line is. which is, by the grace of God, good.


sometimes, i feel so inadequate. jack of all trades, master of none. i dun intend to be a high master in anything, but, saying that, i do want to do my best and be good in the things that i'm doing. ahahs. who doesn't.

ok. i sound contradictory.


do you know that i've turn down quite alot of photoshoots of like weddings / ROM/ functions? and i do have time actually for some of them. its because, i'm not confident. (damn. wasted income opportuinty man.) actually, i know why. its because up till this date, I DO NOT OWN A FLASH. and i think i need one like seriously if i want to do the job properly. indoor functions are a big no no w/o fash. weddings, all the more must have the flash standby.


you miss it, you miss the lifetime shot.
even if the client is magnanimous enough, i wouldn't really forgive myself right.





anyway.


haha. i had like dance with uncle hanmeng and georgia today. uncle hanmeng is a PRO. i'm dead serious. he's really really really good. he went into professional dancing a few yrs back and he's still good at it. hahas. for now, its me and georgia and he'll cheorograph. there's this part that its like a duet-partner thing and georgia is supposed to lead me. so uncle hanmeng demo with me first kinda thing... damn cool. as in like.. u know in ballroom dancing, they always say the guys lead the girls into the dance. and i dont quite understand that whole bit. so today, it was something like that but ballet. boy, when uncle hanmeng led, it really felt that he was leading. ahah! i duno how to explain, but its cool. the weight transfer gotta be precise and the guy has to understand the girl part to execute the support thing well.. cooool. so when georgia took over, the feeling was different and i fell qutie a no. of times coz she's still learning.. ahha. not easy pls. ahhas.

but was fun. and way too unglam for any viewership. haha.
not looking forward already. ahhahahahs.


i think my whole ballet phase is moving up fast. abit hard to face it that i'm serious into it after doing it for like 15 yrs. hahas. but i still think that the alley and maybe the field (in the future. hahas) is still by stage for now. probably its just that recital's coming and i'm dancing like 3 times a wk. maybe even 4.

come to think of it, thank God that POL-ITE for bowling ended early, so that i can focus. hahas. gd and bad, but i think God for being such an awesome planner.


anyways.



-


i feel that God is trying to tell me smth. but i'm just not still enough to listen.
its like. i should never give up giving my best. coz i enjoy it and ultimately, the things u do that help ppl bless them as well. as in like, they feel happy, i happy lor. hahas. cheh cheh. but ya la.




had a quick chat with this friend in a car today. realised that everyhing the the tny ministry is.... unsettled? you can call it.. 'in the progress'. but i feel, i feel, i strongly feel, this whole ministry, more like the comm... gotta re-think certain areas again. i'm not saying that its not wisely planned, but i think there are areas that probably, might have been left out, not overlooked.


coz i heard there's this 7 ministries thing. at first, abit happy coz like wow- new stuff more activtiy oriented. but then after i heard that the church body, have other similar ministries being set up.. its like.. whookay.
not convenient to go into the details here. but i'm afraid that the y ministry will be seperated from the church body as a whole. 'community' is one of our mission/goals/values (somewhere along that line) also right. that's y we've never had a youth serivce which would just break us away.


thats my 2 cents worth. i dun hear the details of the rationale, but its a fact that several ministries are gonna kick start. b4 making recommendations, i think it'll be good to consider the constrains of other party. if not, its really selfish not showing much understanding?

maybe i'm just worried for the ministry. what he said was right, everyone of us are in no position to question why would someone leave a ministry, what more, leave a church. we are in no position to make them come back with a heart that's unwilling. but what's more impt, look at what makes them stay. its not really the activities or things that cater to their interest, because they can do them elsewhere. but, its really about the relationships built. cannot agree more to that.

and i think, in my opinion, we're just too caught up with the fanciful stuff in church to actually spend time with those that are not involved. through cell, sometimes, i feel that its not enough if its a hi-bye thing.


for now, i just feel that the more alarming thing is the teens. to close teens time for youth ground work is... erm... leaving a gap.
by the time the ground and foundation is built, we may have missed a generation. we may think we have time, but we may not have the luxury of it.. i really pray and hope that all these is done in God's accordance and not because leaders think that this is the 'right' way to do it. to manage such thing, in my opinion from experiences, ther's really no right/wrong way to do it. things should be done in a way that pleases God. thats it.

i havent really prayed and ask Him about guidance to it though. haha. so this is just my pure human concerns coz to me, it is logical.



we need to pray.
to pray for hearts that are urgent.
and, hearts to be open.


i dont want to see a gap in this generation.
i myself fall into that. i do have my struggles that i'm not exactly facing it in the most wise way because the rope seems to hang on to me.


if any comm members (which i hope in a sincere heart) should read this and needs clarification, do come and find me. i'll be more than happy to voice out my opinions even if its not how u'd like it to see it as.



i duno.
we just need to be still first before anything can happen.