forget it.

do u know what it's like to train and work so hard knowing that ur goal is really not achieveable?


honestly, i've been working on this. when i'm not doing anything, i'd think abt it.
like..
what to do. what not to do. where to stand when to run...

as a w.


now that i've been put to c, there are many things to re-learn.
its like. i'm trying to be positive and make the most of out trng. and then, this happens.
ok. fine, work harder.
but everyone's under pressure. even the coach's under pressure whenever a championship draws near.
i cannot afford to make any mistake.
more importantly, i want to excel. honestly, i think i've improved alot now that i'm able to regularly come for trng with pol-ite bowling over and that coach's really drilling alot of specific information about the drills.


i'm like. hurt.
hah.
coz seriously. i want it badly.
i've made certain decisions that'll affect my future (in a way) and i really dont want to make a wrong step anymore.
if i'm stagnant and not improving, ok fine. at least i've got a clear answer. the thing is that, its stigma.
the world evolves around perception and impression. if u're gd, u're gd forever. if u're bad, u're bad forever.
well, it can be darn right fact.

its like say.. ok. when remy ong bowls like a 169 or smth. ok. he's not on form/ bad lane condition and so on.
but say like when some other good school team bowler bowls 169, he just suck. not there, and so on.






i hate stigmas.
i hate situations like that.
i hate myself for being concerned about how ppl think of me. thats why, i'm also loosing that bit of confidence at the near end. sounds familiar? haha. i know i'm not in this alone.
but i have to accept a harsh fact that is just sitting on the line, waiting for me to be recieved.

i like darn right honest n blunt ppl. coz then, i really know whats going on.
i've never been a coach or what, so i cannot say i truly understand what kind of pressure a coach faces. so. no comment on what so ever in all due respect.
my coach's an excellent coach seriously. she technically very well versed, experienced and just know what to do. i have no doubts in her decisions that will build a team towards the goal, and the gold.


so.
having saying all that,
i've got a decision to make.
i can choose to go all out now and just force myself to accept the fact that i can never get there because of all other factors.
or.
i can choose to put a stop right now, concentrate on what's more tangible and would do me gd in the near future.







hhaha. maybe i should stop all these nonsense and go full time into music and my climbings/adventures.