stress? wif the family.

issit really a family? for sure, its not a full one.

ytd, had a major conflict wif mother. she cried. i cried. papa died. mum sensitive. grrr. i wanna be a boy boy boy. then she'll wun expect me to be like super guai and all.
she keep say.."after daddy die u like dun love the family. not at all. u think i dunooo?".. in anger, marian replied.."u think u love me? wadeva i say n do is wrong. in ur eyes. and wadeva u do, is right. juz let it be k. i can choose not to study and go work. but i didn't. so i'm naughty lar.. happy?"

cries.. "u see ur daughter. why do u die first? i should die first. u see. marian dun love me at all... blah blah blah.".


yes. and there's more. more sensitive stuff.


i was left in bed. thinking of the past. 2 wks after papa died, she say i was soo naughty. and attempted to jump off the window. literally did tt. sis had to pull her. me? sat on the floor, crying. pains from the slaps and canes.

cool family eh? in the bed, was thinking wad if she jumps? but thank God. couuld hear her toking to herself, compling to dad's photo, while ironing her clothes and with the tv on.


i'm not a respectful girl. i'm a super singapore chao ger. toks loud and is very direct. thats me. even tchrs. sometimes, i dun give them the respect they ought to have. i only respect vp and p. tchrs. i tok. casually, but not friend friend. that's me. and its amazing how i got in to prefectorial board, not passing through the interview, due to my bluntness.. and mr lim had to fight for that position. haiz. therefore, i should be thankful for mr lim for giving me this opportuinty and make him proud. exco 2004 will nv ever thought that marian who be in that exco position. i shocked them.


God blessed me wif grace teo. i nv and un msg grace teo at all one. ytd, she msged me smth like this.." heys.. have been thiniking alot of you today. thanks for being around. it was an encouragement to me.." i was touched. clearly deplicts of an angel in act lar. the msg came in during the conflict. could hear my phone beep. i'm thankful for grace.


went sch. swollen eyes. couldnl't open. thank God for helping me sustain myself throughtout, espincally during maths.



DISCIPLINE MISTRESS MRS SNG WAN YING.

my maths tchr. i kenna freaked out. she's the only tchr that i'm afraid of. ok. skip all those.

ytd. mrs koh, mrs tang, all kp telling me to drop chem and bio. or combine. i was like telling mrs lim. no no no. stop discoraging me can. grr.
thank God for God.


after sch. went to jam. nigey, daniel and andrew at shangz. we went late. so only played for a pathetice 1/2hr. and was very very bad. i broke the string. 3rd string. was i venting my anger? i doubt so. hurried paid and left. graace and eveleen came. so we went walking.
heard that nigel got booked by police. for jaywalking. he was running in the direction on the on coming traffic... while daniel was runnign on the grass... coz they were late.. but there was no cars. and instead of seeing the police car, nigel thought he saw the taxi? yar. so both lum bros got booked. haiz. nigey nigey. haha. do take care.

thank God of grace, andrew, eveleen, nigel, vincent and daniel for spending gd time together. i felt that i needed that.


another thing scary is. i admire girls. i look at chio bu-s and hot girls. ok. freaky. dun go around spreading this about me ar. but i duno mans. guys? erm.. girls more. cine got alot. okok. stop it. focus focus. shall read and memoraise Corinthians. an daniel's super funny. aha. he kenna into state of shock when he saw my right hand biceps. hmmms.. ahha.

thank God.


gg to sch. putting on a smile. tiring. at home, its my time to quieten down. think and reflect.
so sory to msn ppl. =l. =]