My saturdays

Thats how my saturdays will be for the next 10 wks at least.

Blogging through my phone now coz I'm pretty lazy to swtich the com on.

Had touch and contact games today.

Funny how in both games,  different sport, different teams, different players, and at different times, had same lessons today. 

First halfs are always the shit. And it was pretty  negative intense shit. Its always e 2nd half, or at least e last part we pick ourselves up when we start to re-realize that we have to play together,  for each other. Isnt it too late?

its interesting how in team sports, u can feel it clearly if we're on e same page and playing together and for each other anot. Today's performance as a team and as an individual was just too... erractic. I felt myself caving in and to a point strong enough to make me fight back up emotionally. 

We dun usually take things personally on the field, but I guess we should really start encouraging each other rather than putting blames on those around yea.

Yes, good to have that kind of drive or probably the heart for ur fellow team mate to do well, but before that, I guess everyone needs to be sincerely clear of their intention. Nope, I'm not really judging for I've probably passed e phase of being so uptight/ anal abt things. Its just that again, all of us are humans whom somewhat sticks to maslow's hierarchy of needs, even at e expense of those around.

Today its one of those days when I felt that my absence in itself may be a contribution to everything. Even when it comes to you, I'm starting to think that ur life wouldnt be so... uncomfortable when u hadnt met me. Yea, with me, you probably have more moments of happiness.. but that comes with baggages full of frustrations. In ur defense, u would always say that w/o me, ur life would be mundane and neutral. Taking a step back and looking at e whole thing, I think I'm causing u more sorrows than happiness, so much so that ur mundane life may just be considered as a better one. Everything in life's relative. U can only be good if there's someone else that's not so good.

Idk. Its all just not worth it.

I did hope someday that u'll secretly watch me play, or like u'll call me out for a move and waste time together. The key word is 'did'. For now, I dont deserve any of ur time or memory space of ur thoughts.

My absence may just be a contribution. 

Ok, on a happy note,  really proud of my friend, tiff who made e news as a fire fighter.  Shes my rugby friend, not my teammate but my opponent.  Played with her and against her on other occasions. Shes really a nice girl. Today when she was on e field for her game, some of the girls at the spec's stand was cheering "go singapore hero!" Hahas. Quite funny.

There's a vid clip of her online in action.  Its really cool and it did pull a chord in my heart. This was one of the dream that I was forced to give up due to my unchangeable physical limitations. From young, I've always wanted to save lives. When e doctor dream became unrealistic due to my horrible o'level results due to the many distractions... I was considering betweed scdf or the police force. After much evaluation,  I felt that the scdf was a more practical and useful one. Besides, its more interesting coz it deals with many situatuons thats requires u to think fast and make accurate decisions to literally save a life. Hence I went on to do the business degree since it was e fastest route to get there.

Anyways, after countless attempts of hitting the wall, I knew I had to let that go and it wasnt easy.

Looking ahead for now, at this point of time, I'm not really sure where I'm gg, or even where do I want to go.

Ok. I just want to go and sleep now and forget the world.