heart strings

y does it seem like the right things are always the hardest of things?



recently, read an article about the tendons of the heart, aka the heart strings. the article mentioned something about y our heartaches when we're really sad. as in, literal aches and not just a figure of speech. i vividly rmbr some clear occasions where my heart really ached. one was my dad's passing, another was being maglined for something which i did not do, and another one was a guy breaking my heart.

in those occasions i did rmbr my heart feeling a really bad cringing feeling. the article went on to explain that emotional trauma/stresses causes these heart strings to get taut due to the biological hormones that's affecting the whole system. i can't rmbr the explanation though. but now i know, my heartaches aren't just illusional or just an emotional thought out by the brain, but really a biological change that is happening. its not too good coz extremities of such can cause the stoppage of the heart in super severe but rare cases. but yup, why i'm saying all this is to provide me with strong and rational reason to serve as reminders to not be sad. i dun think we can really control our emotions like an on/off switch, but i think its good to remember to manage it well.


anyway, let's start being more focused and objective about things. yea, there's so many things we wanna do together, so many places i wanna go with you, but i have to remind myself that i do not deserve all these for i dont have what it takes to hold on to you like that.

do not lift up anything u can't put down.

just because we feel good, doesn't mean it's good, does it?
anyway, i finally feel that blogging on and on about this is not going anywhere or going to do any good; not that i've got a direction in the first place though. i just need to move on and stop sinking in. wake up my idea.






on to more practical things about my career route, instead of walking into the wall and being stubborn about things, i need to also be clear if choosing this route is its really where i wanna go / what i wanna do and not because i've given up on all other alternatives.
this whole new route can probably serve as an outlet for escapism, but i hope i dont abuse this choice.


continue to pray and trust in God. there's really no one  u can trust but only Him, so what's stopping me.


wake up your idea, sportspoon.
enough of your nonsense now.