忍忍忍

wahhh.

this is probably the most challenging mental test of the year.
i really super frustrated that i can break the wall.
i really wanted to cry out loud in the toliet to let it all out but i realized i've got no more tears to waste like that.
tears are meant for good things or things worth ur deepest feelings and not all these nonsense.



bascially, we've got 9 project titles to choose from. 1 group 1 since we've got 9 grps.
the previous teacher say can over lap, means 2 groups can be doing on the same title.
then today, another teacher say cannot.

nvm.


our group decided on Engine alrdy. there's 2 titles about it.
THEN. 2 groups rushed up to tell the tchr that they wanted to do those 2 titles. and the tchr conveniently started to agree that yup, thats the time we all should submit our choices.
there's no form of fairness / control or whatsoever. THANKS.
so in that sense, 'we lost the bid'.
but fcuk. the 2 groups that we 'lost' to is that 2 groups that's been causing so much trouble.


then i got damn bloody upset. coz i was preparing for that project arldy. and i'm sure they havent started.but thats not the point.
if i lost the bid to other groups, i still can take it... but to this 2 groups that's been consistently trying to hurt me.......................




really.

if u're in my class u'll understand the situation.
i can't find the reasonable strength to go and explain everything out here coz that would make me feel pathetic.



then i thought to myself again.
where's all my grace and forgiveness.
i find myself quite digusting, to a sense that i've really stooped down to their level.
my thinking become so messed up and like... where's all the forgiveness, grace and charisma man.
i kept thinking. struggling.
i tried to move out mentally.
and i found it so tough.



but those words that u said about me last friday....?! about me trying to gain sympathy by sitting outside the table was like.. wtf. when i think of what u've said, i'm still astounded, appalled, shocked that u're able to come up with that. me, marian, seeking for attention like that? sorry hor. that's not my style. if i really wanted sympathy, i will either go directly to a person that i can confide in or hide myself in the toilet and not like put public display or what.
what's more, i've once considered u as a friend. once.




but like i've said. there's really no one on this earth u can give ur full trust right.
even the nicest guy would betray you and hurt u when u're most off guarded.
trust no Man.
Man as in human, boy and girl, but more applicable to guys since as girls, we would probably have that subconscious mind to place all hope that we've got in the opposite gender if u're straight that is. hahas.
another topic of expectation?
lets not go into that again.





anyway. the point is, i'm just so vexed. partially is coz i can't do about Engine.
but more so, on how i responded to the situation.
i could have been more professional and steadfast by accepting any other challenges.
i mean the other titles are not that difficult. but they're boring... some about human factor, some about a/c starters, some about cables and wires.... i mean compared to Engine.. is like taking a peanut and compare it with a... nutcracker. hahas. ok, idk what kind of metaphor was that. but yea.
but to loose out to them is liteally a face-palm moment.



so now i think i'm doing about cable/wires or smth. whatever. not at that level of discipline yet.
the challenge now is how to expand on that to make up the given content number of pages and still keep within the project focus.





ok. now that i've blog all this out, i'm ready for tmr.
been super moody can.
LAST DAY OF LESSON TMR FOR THE WHOLE COURSE.
good riddance.
just left with the project + presentation, and I'M DONE WITH THE SCHOOL.
just fyi, i love schooling, but not the school.




pardon me for the colourful language here.
thats very uncouth and uncivilized.






UGGGGGHHHHHHHHH.
move out.
move up.
move on.




Aviation is much more than this
Life is definitely more more this.