whilst.

today is the 1st day i watched tv ever since.. erm.. june?

i washed aircrash investigation, soccer, spongebob... 4HRS altogether.
i ended late.. at 6pm today. but it was early. coz its the first day ever since dunno when tt i took 69 HOME striaight after sch. how nice.

i wanted to study.. having a test on thurs. but i didn't. i haven been doing my tutorials. not that i dun have time. but plain lazy. and, distraction.
i can actually slp early. but always distracted.

its been long since i've blogged blog blog. recent posts are short and weak. i haven to admit. i havent been strong.

physically, i haven't been trng on my own, assuming that sch trngs are enough. like today, i had time to go run or smth. but i chose to drink hot milo infront of a big screen, alone on the sofa. paritally coz of my knee which is still aching. heck lar. i'm suppose to like train.
did u see the trng schedule that alvin (my former tri coach) sent me? i stared at the screen in awe. saw one column which says "warm up 400m, main set 1500m, 10x50m (10s recovery), 1500m, 400m warm down.". ok. u may think, aiya easy la. but u know wad.. i mean swimming and thats for 1 day.
this month is focusing on swimming. so build up is 35.6 km swim, 0km bike, 90km run for the month of august.
IN CASE u are freakin out for me, dun worry, i'm no longer trng for it. HAHA. coz i wanna focus on my 2 main sports. but i'd promise him to train on my own.


mentally, also been weak. been procrasinatiing. i learnt this word from my al-beloved stephanie sim.haven been accomplishing as much as i hope. my bowling scores reflects it all. the inconsistancy. always towards e end then would realised which part of the routine is wrong. bah. wastage.


emo-ly. bah. dun wanna comment on it.


tmr. its NATIONAL DAY..i'm happy to be a Singaporean.
apart from it. i was thinking of like running then swim then study or smth in the afternnoon. but. there's our first mission mtng tmr morning. i really wanted to slp till my bioclock tells me to wake up. haiz. nvm.


i think this is gonna be a long post. coz i'm alone at home, having alot of things to do, but have time to lepark.

i wanna buy 3 things. knee guard, cd, bag. haha. i'm goona like get a bag. that's waterproof and like can put alot of things neatly, shoes, clothes, EVERYTHING. and it'll look cool and nice. haha. smth's gonna be different. it'll be like a shoulder carry kind of bag. i duno wad its called. but i dun have such bags. haha. i have no idea what would satisfy my high design specification. but i have to save first b4 i do anything.


this wk,been catching up with quite a no. of ppl. gary, da saints, da leparkers, da bowlers. thanks to Rapture and Under One Flag.

ok. i think i'l juz explain myself here. sometimes i think i try too hard that it gets out of my nature. been reading my past testiomonials.. words like 'cheerful' 'smile' 'strong' seems to be recurring. however. my life doesn't reflect the sincere meaning of it recently. also, the thought of WWJD hasn't been in me. i cant seem to reflect God's gift of laughter, joy. it all becomes too alummnium-foiled. itslike. i wanna talk abt it. but i duno who to. i have ppl to talk to. but juz doesn't seem right. perhaps i was too dependant on that one person. perhaps i dun want u ppl to worry. or even perhaps, i dun trust u. btw. i'll make this section chunky so that only those who wants to really read would read. i cannot seem to not keep things to myself. even if i really want to tell anyone, i wouldn't tell the full thing. nonetheless, it'll still be facts from my points. one person i can tell the full thing is u. or, the late ms devi. sports. my outlet of bitterness at some points of time. such a beautiful game but was bowled/played with anger. results were quite postive, but the process of it all was honourable- to me that is. music. i'm really afraid God would take away this gift. i have been using it. but not to its fullest. i haven been playing my guit neither has it become my any of my outlets. my left fingers are perfectly nice and unscaly. last time, it was like messed up, crumpled and neatly blistered. evidence of my absence, now. such irony. like i've once said. the veil is all to heavy. but i chose to carry it. at the same time, not to contridict on purpose, i try to penerate throngh that obsticle. duh. who wouldn't be ugh abt attempting the absolute scar. now it comes to this, then why do i blog? to be emo? issit the in thing now? to be heard? or the famous 'my place to rant'. -pause- honestly. i juz wwant to explain my behavour. not that i want ppl to see thingss in my point of view, but from my point of view. i want to keep a record of my thoughts that is being portrayed to the public. technically, some things are juz tooo long and time consuming to dictate on a piece of paper. this is because, if i say i'd to blog to vent, the counter thing is that, i do have a diary, many, infact.ok enough. sick of being self eluded and enclosed and me me me. i really should try and get out of it and really, sincerely be marian again.


phew. hahaha. (: National Day. i'll make myself worth to be on this expensive piece of land that is ever-so in need.

hope it all goes well. exams are really coming soon and it should hit me. haha. hit me man. haha. ok. Happy early Birthday Singapore. i am patriotic.