again. typed all. and the stupid window closed by itself. hate pop-ups.

WE'RE DANCING(our ballet music)

When the going starts to get rough,
And you feel like you've had enough,
Let the music take control of your soul,
Take a chance and do what you feel,
Your voice, they cannot live without it,
You gotta break the chain,
There's a passion inside you,
And a strength that drives,
Can't nobody take that away from you,
It's the greatest high,
You set the floor on fire,
When you come alive,

And we're dancing, and it feels all right,
I can't control my desire,
And we're dancing, and it feels all right,
Yeah,
And we're dancing, and it feels all right,
Can't hold me down, got to reach for the sky,
And we're dancing, and it feels all right,
Yeah,

Some people don't know the love you possess (love you possess),
The pretend, but they don't understand,
It's natural, you're in a world of your own,
There's a passion inside you,
And a strength that drives,
Can't nobody take that away from you,
It's the greatest high,
You set the floor on fire,
When you come alive,

And we're dancing, and it feels all right,
I can't control my desire,
And we're dancing, and it feels all right,
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Push it to the max,
Feel the room fall at your feet,
Don't you dare hold back,
'Cause it feels so good inside,

There's a passion inside you,
And a strength that drives,
Can't nobody take that away from you,
It's the greatest high,
You set the floor on fire,
When you come alive,

And we're dancing, and it feels all right,
I can't control my desire,
And we're dancing, and it feels all right,
Yeah,
And we're dancing, and it feels all right,
Can't hold me down, got to reach for the sky,
And we're dancing, and it feels all right,
Yeah, yeah, yeah,

And we're dancing.





full-dress rehearsal
yesterday.
went there at 10. for technical rehearsal. got the feel of the stage. then got to know our positions and roughly have an idea of the nite's performance.
for lunch, amanda's mum called mac's delievery. treated us coz it was amanda's bday. haha. to kallang theatre. then at around 5, started make-up, change of clothes and all. thanks to mama for her pro hands.
basically, screwed up for ballet. aaha. thank God it was a rehearsal. basically, for the turning part, couldn't turn in a straight line. got no where to spot. the lights were liek shinning super brightly. stage lights. as for the last part, someone told me that it was 4 turns. so i did 4 turns. but it was 3. so at the 7th count, everyone jumped., while i was preparing to jump. ahha. thank God it wasn't the real thing.then was the photo shoot.
now the challenge begins,..
farah, vk, val and i. had the tap performance. it was 1 item away!. ahha
it was not say like a very long item. so we had less than 3 ins to change. top, bottom, hair, shoez, earrings and acessoraries and all. whahah. whoa. DD tied my hair into a hight pony tail. hahah. cool eh. thankfully, all was done.
ran out. did our thing. then yeah. while dancing, almost slip and fell,. stage was slippery for tap shoes.
after full dress rehearsal, went to change, and accomnapined mama at the audience.
well, there was not much audience. ahha. and gues wad. mama was supposedly to be taking photos. then she was happily taking photos. until my turn, battery flat. grr. so no photos for me. ahha. sads.
after that, went to the oasis to eat. near kallang. ahha. was crowded. sg idol was liek at kallnag stadium. no surprise. haha. went home, tired. slpet till 3pm

PERFORMANCE
today. whoa. went there at 645pm. did touch up, helped around wif the kids and all.
atmosphere was totally diff. more crowd, more ppl, more tension. everything happend very quickly.we kept taking photos. haha
b4 we knew it, it was our ballet. whoa. was very nervous. the curtains went up. flashes of lights from camera. many ppl and eyes. ahha.was literally shakign on stage.starting, was so scared, that when i was balacning on one leg while raising the other, kept shaking and shaking, could't smile.almost fell.
haha. then 2nd part. told myself not to screw up. ahah. something even bad happend. i exited the wrong cutrain. wahha. then got like 2 secs to run to the other curtain which was behind. haha. so miki did her turns. thank God i ran there, then did my turns. ahaa. well, was horrible. wasn't dancign wif the music. couldn't get into my position in time. wahaha. so nvm. did the split, not as gd as ytd. then last part, ahah. i jumped!. yay. then ran away.
was v dark couldn't see. manage to run to the changing rm. whahha. ms susan juz pull down my leotard. ahhaha. felt exposed. whaahha. all girls. then wore all kinds of stuff. didn't tie my hair higher this time. no time at all. actually had abit og time while tinng my shoe laces. but ms susan told DD no time. ahha. so mvn. oh welll. it went out fine.
then later... on stage. ahaha. was more =D. coz was like a sexy dance. so had to act hot. whahah. couldn't. felt liek some ah beng tryin to do smth on stage. ahahaha. compared to my friens. then the audience was like cheering. ahahaha. didn't screw up!. hahaha. was very hot. =). then later. was done. phew. and missed dancing. ahha
after that, went to the audience. vk's mama gave vk, val and me flowers! so cool right. ahhaa.
after that, watched performances. sam's real cool in the hop hop dance. realised this yr that sam's improved alot, and was enjoying his dance on stage. could tell. pro. ahahha., then later. took a cab home. alone. so sads. ahha. but anyways, i had gd experience. =D

tired now. hahaha. its yuan's bday now. HAPPY BDAY!.
i think i'm going to join hip-hop and jazz after o levels. ahhaa. get back the feel. yea. yup. that's it/ gonna miss performing on stage. whee~


cool right. whoa. watch in awe. 


me and vk!. ahha.smile 


the hip-hop ppl. wahaha. farah, me, vk, amanda, sam, angel, val. =D. hot and tired. 


in the dressing room. 


wif the tap costume. haha. =D 

today is a gd gd bz day for me.

morning. woke up at 5am... left house at 530am to send Dennis off at airport. kinda forogt the morning atmosphere.. was very scared while walking alone on the road. super dangerous. like anyone will pop out and carry me away. haha. so was walking in the middle of the road. as in literally. not much car. saw a car coming to i walked towards the curb. haha. super funny. felt whole time that someone was follow me... or trying to grab me. wahahhahahaha. grrr. scary. i wanna be a strong boy.=) whee.. no worries. haha


after that.. had tuition. then had prefects meeitng. by the time, it was 1pm. juz nice for exco mtng at gelarie. ahha. nice waffles!. then mtng at mac at 2pm.. till 5 like that. siaow bo. 4hrs sia. super knok out.hahha. but was fun. i guess communication btw exco members are getting better. ppl are toning up and down. yay. finally. after like 4 mths?.. then some exco ppl went to the arcade to play. ahaa. another side i see of them. ahah. super fun. yay. camp has indeed bonded us.


then meet up wif mama. walked around. guess wad. today was like sioaw day. bought alot of things. i bought sport shoes. coz my current one, wear until my ankle v pain. both ankles. then the guy say my show wasn't for me. =l so bought another one. coz i've got high arc on the foot. so he suggested some cusion one. nice. from addidas sia. thank God got my size. so bought it. happily. gonna wear it on christmas day hopefuuly. shall suffer in silence for the time being.
then later.. went to eat. makan at SAKAE. then after that... continued walking around. bought cds and ear phones. coz my one the plugg in ear one, wear for long hrs very painful, so got a earphone one. 2 piece.then later.... bought smth v scary.......
camera! siaow bo. i paid 70% of it. mama paid the rest. saved up till now. ok. i feel guilty. ppl around me, pls pls pls stop me from buying food k. pls buy big portions, then i can help u finish, =D,. went home. tired.

whole time, mama was mentioning dad. all the things i got today are christmas presents from them. so now more. yay. i'm contented. very. i thank God.



tml big day. technical rehearsal and full dress rehearsal. gonna v tired and drained day for me. not sure if mum's gg to help.. but yea. kinda scared of the skimpy outfit and many audience. hopefully i wun screw up. ajahaa. bad thing about being short, u have to stand infront. ahha. God pls guide me man.
hahaha,. hopefully Dance Arts will rule the stage. i'm gonna miss singapore idols finals. oh well. yay .. DANCE>! nitey/

today was great on the whole.
Happy Birthday Poochie!

haha. ok. its my confirmation day.
congrats to faith, jacquline, gloria, daniel wong, daniel lum, jeremiah, andrew, suan hong, evan, and many candidates whom i did not mentioned.

went to church. was very vyer tired. surprisingly very letargic. then still, felt wasn't ready. hopeless.
then sitting on the chair. jeremiah say, "wei.. u half confirmed. haha.not ready nxt yr confrim!".... at first kinda blech. that something hit me. i should not let the feeling of not ready overcome me. i guess by thinking such thoughts, its e evil one prompting,making ur event bad. har. so like 20 mins b4, i felt ready. so must thank jere in some sense. haha

rrecieved alot of christian bks. haha. mainly Prayer of Jabez and Purpose driven life. so now ihave 3 and 2 bks of e same kind respectively. kinda cool.haha. God's relally prompting. now, i feel more urge to serve in the music ministry. i wanna b as gd as zhen or jasper or even dennis!. my aim is to hear and play chords w/o lookin. haha. thank u.

so anyways. after confirmation, went to sake to eat. ate one cup of egg and one cup of ice cream only. was full from the confirmantion lunch. ahha. then in the end, agnes said she was treating, ahha. wasted. anyways, she's a nice girl. then later met up wif yang, tat. kim go shop for daniel's bday present which is today. haha. shoped alot. didn't study. saw nice funky hats. i liked a $26 quicksilver black cap. haha. grrr. saving up again. for digital cam, and now a cap. ahha.
then in the end, bought this really cool wallet for daniel from the 6 girls. the guys gave him a nice white shirt from quicksilver. haha.

at night, went to mandrin garderns to eat, surprised daniel wong. haha. then after dinenr, went to neale's house to slack. super duper cool house. can see full view of everywhere. so amazing! sure can see sunrise. ahha. beautiful. =D.
after that, took a bus home.


i juz wanna thank God for today.

today dance was super hot. haha. the tap was like sexy man. but grrr. the costume abit to revealing? argh. anyways. i like the tap9 recital. very cool. they used the 12 band girls. that cheena music. super cool. as for ballet. ok. wads sads is that the double pirovette (duno how to spell) is changed to single.. then now got more counts. haha. was thinking of joining back hip hop... nah. no time. loking forward to 1 and 2 of dec. hahaha. my recitals!

as for bowling. sam did not go. neither did she want me to. grr. they needed a player. and i wasn't daere. missed my chance of wining. missed 8 games. dwang. burmer. oh wells.

anyways. after dance, kinda tired liao. kinda afraid on that day got no time for costume change coz got so many ascessories to put on and stuff. and my 2 items interval is like only 1 item. which means i have 4 mins!. so scary. pray.so yea.. after dance.. went out wif mama and sis. b4 tt, i bought 3 pairs of big huge loops for my recital. haha. so not my kind.. but only for $3.90! haha. so yar. was wif mama nd sis. ate gd food. at the "thom thom thom, 1 2 3, suntec city level 3" that shop. haha. was gd. then later shopped. bought jeans. yay. came back, tired.


so anyways. tmr is my confirmation!!!!!! i feel unprepared. i really do hope that prayers will work in 9 hrs? i'm erm.. paranoid? yea. confirmation!!. so scary.. ahha. i duno wad to do also.

anyways, since i'm so tired. shall go bathe and have a gd slp. have 6hrs thou. smiles.


stil wif that.. withh Christ in the vessel you can smile at the storm. =)

basket. type one whole long thing then i click on save draft then gone. kao. very long. ahaha. okok. be undaunted. goona type again, pretend nothing has happen. grrr...

ok. bz and tiring wk..


Monday
8am- last prefects camp seniors mtng. then rushed for guitar. then had tuition. went home to eat and left the hosue at 1045pm for airport.
at the airport. the atmosphere was about the same, except quieter. i couldn't last long coz was super tired. so i studied blankly. i think nothign went in. so sads.was alone though, there were ppl studying to. =D


tuesday
at 6am, after studying, went to the departure hall, to send mission tripers off. felt kinda sad though. gonna miss them. after that, at 645, took 36 to sch to meet bowling com. zen couldn't coz she was sick. basically, was an outing. had to b there early to set up and all. but in the end, like got no mood to carry out the games wwe planned. was at sentosa though. so yea, no mood and all. so didn't play the planned games,didn't use much of the sch sports items that were brought. so did wad we wanted. then i slept on the sand. ahha. too tired.
at 430, went back to sch. super shagged. returned the stuff and headed home. at home, did all the last min camp stuff. calling of schs, food and plan lectures, camps and all. super tired, so nat helped me called my exco grp to tell them stuff.
dinner time, while eating, was too tired. so i ran to the sofa to slp, w/o finishing my food. ahhahaha. woke up at 1130 to pack. slpet back again at 1215.

wednesday
-prefects camp-
day1
woke up tired. excitied for my first' prefects camp. reached sch, went to pb rm to do stuff anf all. then we started out briefing and grpings. first day was being held by Acorn at sentosa. ahha. so for me, its like gg to sentosa 2 days in a row lor. so anyways, was amazed by steph.she gave all the serniors which is also the com, a name tag, which made us loooked very impt. haha. like there a big MARIAN in bold. below it was our post and all. typed out bigshotly.. aha. for me was "food and logistics, public relations and resident photographers",. ahha. basically in my lang, its juz taking care of food, ppl and take photos. ahah. sound chim ar. wahhaa.
so ok.... went sentosa. played games, learned values from them and all. ahaha.be undaunted.
went back sch at around 6. food was there. hahaah. the guy was nice. then everyone was shagged.camp now is fully taken charge by us, the seniors to run.after dinner, played more ice breakers games. after that, was lecture by nic and i. so it was help in the gym. we were being rushed to finishe and all. alittle irritating. coz alot of points couldn't say. nic left early.so left me alone speaking. ahh. welll, was fun though. thank God i didn't make it like super scary or wad. thank God for the light hearted atmosphere. topic was on "self-esteem" basically, i, myself learnt alot juz thoroughts teaching them.
later, theyw ere brought ot the upper foyer... then basket, was told to stall time, because the games com not ready. grrr. nvm. i thank God.=D. coz mrs sim helped me stall by speaking to them. well, wanna thank God for this. coz this icncident encouraged me alot. coz mrs sim told them that i was from a trainee to an exco. then she said that "ya.. i can see all your shock faces..". ahhahaa. basically there's 3 perspectives from this line. by yea. kinda felt whoa. role model..."u guys must aim to be better than her..." and also, this was my first prefects camp, ironically, w/o experieneces of such camps in kc, i helped in planing.
after they were done, Night Walk began!. ahha. yay. its a crime scene and alll. my station was to scare and irritate them. ahaha. so fun. hopefully this will also push time to their limits.. its about sloving the crime picking up and looking at clues.
after that, everyone was superduper tired. seniors were almost dying. exco had a talk wif mrs sim. well, had alot of encouragement.. she compliment that this yr the board's woking very well togetehr and all. a gd sign.
time was 1215 like that. bathe. was v scared. i guess i was having spiritual warfare. haiz.

thursday
day2
woke up. i was able to!. ahha. then had breakfast. ahd more games and lectures. the juniors and trainees looked v tired liaos. nvm. =) gera and i hung the banner up wif the help of some prefects. then nat and i set up the registration booth. yup schs were to come at 12pm. many schs came late. there were ijtp, tkgs, vs, aci, acsb, tkss and sps. sps came 6hr and 15 mins late due to some unforseen circumstances byt the tchr, according to them. played many games and all. on the whole, felt kinda sad, coz couldn't get time to hear the conderece wif other schs, also, couldn't socailise wif my grp. i think my grp got bastian, jonathan, chan liang and bryan, wif kc prefects. =D. played relay games. was bz taking photos so therefire, didn;t get alot of chance to play. at night. sps came at 1813. in time for dinner. the caters came.and yar. had conflicts wif ourselves. so i didn't eat dinner though i heard that it was good. i went to the cca board there to reflect. basically said a prayer. i'm worreid for confirmation. and again, spiritual warfare?.
at night, was the preformance. was great. all schs did a great job. the narrator from vs was amazing. he prectically memoraised the whole ronld dahl poem on cinderella. was amzing. they acted out. acsi was gd. the band was nice. =). our juniors and trainees whoa. didn't exppect them to do a dance. was good.after performance, thank our 04 seniors. ahaha. i gave yt flower!then later whent eh hall stuff ended, all went to the foyer to do friendship dance. was fun though. then took photos of the schs that came. on sch amazed me. acsbr. haha. coz while they were takinf photos, they were explainign their schs pb to us. and also, they gave us their bking papers and discipline record paper coz they said they found a monitor's file on the foor in their their sch. yep. v thankful. after taht. you mei spoke to us. i love her man. super mentor. =). then exco had a little meeting wif mrs sim.looking at our heavy eyes... she let us off. haah. =)
went back to gym. i was hyper.hahaa. was ver high. sara also. haah. damn funy.. toked crap. toked about guys.. awahahha. damn funny lar. then didn't bathe.. coz played water games liao. so no need. =). haha. slpet at 2 am plus. talk till sleep.

friday
we slpet longer. then had breakfast. thne was lecture. then after that was captain's ball. level by level,. sec2s pro. ahha. the later did debriefing, evaluation. and revealing of angel and mortal, my angel is vicky! and mortal is limin. haaha. and also the warm fuzzy thingy. ahha. was encouraged my the letters i recieved. thank you guys. =)
then rusehd for electric. came home, tired. bloged and gone. slept, ate and now on com again.


haha. long post. dun read all.


back to life. haha. hols hw. still a heavy burden? this sat i'm getting confirmed!. yay. but i feel that something is trying ot hold me back. like not prepared? and no one's gonna be there..=l, my peers and cell leaders will all be in thailand. and e environment is like in a holding area. haha. see naggy right. i know its a me and God kinda thing, but yea, sometimes, u tend to mind alot.
anways. this is the frist, last and best prefects camp i'll have in kc. thank you all the schs for making it possible.

sorry. bz. will be more bz. hars.

hmms.

during the tournament, i've been thinking. is bowling really for me?

a 90, 100, 147. wow. singapore's top bowler eh. and i'm in the 1st division, not in the premier. and i can't even b qualitifed to b in Masters. argh.

i miss trngs. i need trngs. sch dun have. the last time i trained properly wif sch was b4 b div. hars. was thinking of going to ask uncle francis. but uncle jack dun allow. hmms. most likely will go wif uncle jack lors. bummer.

but seriously. avg, not even a 130. really, ever since exams. 160 to 130. wth. =l. the national youth team selection is coming soon. i'm not ready. haiz. my sch, like super hate bowling can. oh wells. talk about the bowlers. for the league. ervyerone's bz, giving all sorts of excuses. like hello. i'm bz lor. i think i have more thigns on compared to u guys. like everywk, our team, 3 players. 8 bowerls, 3 can make it. really lar, kc bowling, wad kind of attitude is this. am i a gd captain? guess not.

well, thiking of the team, the top 10, 4 came for our sch, 3 came from tkgs, 3 came from other schs. haiz. must win b div. hars. hopefully, i'll win nationals.


after all tt bowling, went for dance, no ballet.ok. for tap, positions are given. haiz, first row. hars. i neeed mirrors!!!


okok. anyone knows how come one can feel tired so easily? like altough i've tried many slpin hours when i was in sec 2 eoy, i still feel so tired. though i feel that i've got eonugh rest, i still feel tired, why? is papa really my source of strength?.

today is his 1st yr anniversay. i didn't go visit. sis also.=(. mayb i'll ask someone to go wif me next wk. hhms. wait. nxt wk i'm booked. mon is totally out, tues is the bowling outing, wed-fri prefects camp. argh. sory dad. u'll understand rights.


if only we had more time. who doesn't want. like sometimes, i feeel bored. hoho. its bad. i have hw, but i dun do. hars. today, its supposedly to have conifrmation retreat, and i wasn't able to make it. its like a recap kidna thing, and i needed it. bowling bowling bowling. serously, my kinda of thing meh?. i wanna make a comeback someday.

hmms. today was an ok day.

morning, went to sch. helped mrs tang. then rushed for electric. haha.on the way, met mr ong, my sec 1 sch guit tchr. haha. toked about schs, guits and natashia!. haha. yup


today class.. learnt more new things. yay.made friends. asked the girl beside me for her no. coz nxt wed i not gg.yar. the class abit ok lar. the tchr's kidna fast. gd


haha. then later.. went to church. yay. i've learnt joyful joyful! the dance. wanna learn the hip hop one. elaine is pro. =). cool. then later.. headed to mingfa's house for desmond's bday celebration. supposedly to b a surprise. haha. as usual, the person always knows aboiut it b4 hand. haha. so yar.


then went home. in cab. another story. freaky.


ok..jas and i took the same cab. then the uncle kept asking where and which route to take. then i said the fastest way can liao. then he kept asking are we cold. is the aircond ok. it was ok lar.

but it was too fishy. the way his phrased it. then he later ask.. if he can fill his car wif petrol. so ya. happpily, we thought it was some Shell Esso or those big petrol station. then he was driving....
then duno go where. then later...
we realised that he turned into some dark alley. u know those kinda of shows, they film murder cases and all. then have shabby metal roofs with wood as supports. haha. yar. it was scary. the grass was loong. long and dry, though a rainy day.
so jas and i got scared. my heart was like thinking.. whether is he gonna stop the car and attack us or something. so i asked him in a prefecty tone, "excuse me, erm, where is the petrol station." he pointed at some dark area. then i was like.. yea right. so i held jas' hp.. in case of any mishaps. har. petrifed lors.

then he turned left. ok. he was right. but we were surrounded by gas tanks. piled up at a very high height. and there was this 2 uncles.. and 2 illegal petrol machines. 69 cents for a litre. he said not to tell his company.. givng some excuses.
ok. we were abit relieved. abit. as he drove out, the feeling did not go. scared. as he hit the main rd, felt more safe.. and told the uncle, not to drive to changi anymore.. which means... jas will alight at my house. haha.
yar. fare was $10. he insisted $9. but i scurried away. haha. jas at my house. her dad came and picekd her up. haha.

ok.


-end



i miss gg out wif church friends. like the whole teens and youth ministry kinda thing. i miss them. i dunos. i miss their sincere warmths. gee.

tomorrow's my final round. wish me luck. i really, really wanna do well.





now.. its past 12mn. dad's anniversary. he left at 0557. now, in 2003, mum is rushing to the hospital. sis and i were by his side. telling him to wait for his wife. she was tired. needed to bathe. but did not happen.
haiz. 1 yr passed. how to define/identify that one has gotten over smth? have i gotten over my dad? hmmmms. i think so. but i dunoo. haha. i seemed to feel that i'm ok that time. but i'm not. haha. physically, i kinda need him. alot of wires in my rm ar screwed up. if he's here, he's for sure gona modify my amplifier and guit. hah. dad.

burnt burnt burnt.

morning, i guess its the most fun tuition. ahha. yay. i love it. then went to meet shu neng. then went to kayaking wif shu, zen and reggie.

ahha. so fun. single boat. then the current and tide was strong. ahaha. then paddled back got prob. hmms. ahha. the front side of me is burnt. the behind is white? haha. so fun.

then later went to eat. ryan and jinsheng happily came. haha. so sad leas. cannot kayak. haha who ask them so late come. =p. then yar. then later.. went to play in the water. got all salty and all. haha. then went to wash up. and went home.

on the way home, passed vs. nice big 11 storey sch. ahha. =). met mr pang on the bus too. haha. he acted angry when i said i went to the beach to play. hahah. ok lar. haha, =)

i realised smth. i haven been bowling. and not only that. there is no time to bowl. ahha.tml i got 4 things on my schedule. nct whole wk is camp and all. whahah. die liaos. then for all u know.. dec!!!> then christmas. then sch open!. hohoho. hols hw. lalala. i'm desperate to go airport. no time. mayb might try and change location. haha. to my house downstairs!!. so fun. call gary along. hahaha. o's are finishing liao.! yays. well done sec 4s. well-deserved rest. haha.


i needa jam jam jam. tralalal. whee. i'm hyper now. hmms. my guitar skills are gg bad lehs. like the sound come out not nice. the technique all wrong. argh!. ms tey, save me!. haha. =).



i think we're experiencing global warming. erms. soon.

aahah. today so fun.go sara's blog. ahaa.

ok.. morning.. went swimming at toa pahyo again wif ulrica, this time wif demi and also glen. ahhah. yar. very fun. haha. ulrica kept wanting to leave at 11 to go home to practise her piano. aaha. then we eneded up leaving the pool at 1125 and headed to toa pahyo for lunch. haha.

ate long john's silver. haha. toked . was fun. then later.. they went home. demi went to ulrica's house and i went for my guitar. haha. today's class was like err.. ok lar. learned alot. but super basic. like.. ".. ok class.. this is a elecrtic guitar.. listen ar. then this is the frets.. then its E A D G... its ok if u al dun rmbr. it's difficult.. blah blah.". ahaha

ok. felt that i've wasted 20mins. after tt.. finally learnt smth. power chords. E5 A5 D5. ok. lar. he wasn't indepth enough. juz like ask us to listen and follow. nv explain. not nice. no paper.

ok lar. then after calss, i asked tchr.. why 5 and not 4 or 3.. then he explained and all. haha. was fun. 10 ppl in the class.. only like 2 or 3 knew how to play basic guit. haha. so was watching. okok

then later... went to sara's house.. ahhaha. do banner. super tiring.. and super fun. haha. lazy to go blog. juz go sara's and gera's blog. haha.everything's there. =)

today, morning. prefect meeting. then tuition.

as usual, i feel _____ during meeiting wif excos. not that i dun want to describe it but no words can describe it. so many mixed feelings. i keep telling myself, heck care marian, heck care. so many ppl wants to do everyting. when i want to do smth, i'm being restricted. those faces that i see. those frowns, can really, drown me. hecks.

i mean its like, yar, they dun mean to put u down. but it some situation.. its gets on me. har. me again. so yea. the heck care method is juz wonderful. =). i feel that i can serve the sch in other ways. like in church. i serve thourgh the music ministry. in sch, oh well, i serve being ermm..loud. haha. juz do my duties to the best of my abilities can liao. our batch, so many ppl wants to take charge. no chances of 'allowing' others to learn. the word 'allowing' is used due to the fact of authority. the mind overtakes the heart of compassion.

too political. too complicated. y wanna fight and struggle so hard juz to serve. strugging to serve? might as well use the energy to serve rather than fight to do so. har. let them do thou shalt wants thee. in ephasians.. the hand needs the foot to wrk. the whole one body is complete. everyone is significant. i guess our board is slow in pace to achieve such. it's always been the excuse that yea.. we juz started out and all. but no. its like since aug liao. more than enough time.


oh wells. i'm goona plan for pri sch bbq. yay. har. most likely 17 dec. not confirmed. hopefuly, amos can wrk wif me. yay. smth that i can excel in. har. feel more appreciated there. =)

for bowling. i have no confidnece of an 180 avg. thats my aim. yar,. its low. but yea. i wanna make record. har. though i haven got the time to train and all, i hop ei realy, dun screw up. i wanna play my best. shouldn't liek my mind overtake me.


i'm sort of planned for e future. haha. due to so much ppl into indirectly 'pushing' me, no more doctor plans. sorry dad. its also because of political reasons. i'm really sorry dad. in wadeva way, my job has to save lives. be it doc, fireman or policeman, i wanna save. these jobs literally save ppl when in trouble, but i wanna -train- ppl to be future leaders.

in sg, most courses are like indoor and boring outdoors. i want activities that literally push pppl. reallly stepping out of their comfort zone. i wanna help singapore first. then i'll mayb start expand. muahha. but first, after i get a degree or smth, get a job, expriences and contacts. haha. for the life of singapore. =) sg's economy for sure, is gg down. jap is 4eva no.1. china is catching up. india will prob. do so. hoho. sg really gotta buck up.


ahha. i think to much. oh well. a sec 3 kid who can't really voice out suggestions and opinios happily in a small board. =). smile smile smile. like i said, with Christ in the vessel u can smile at the storm.

haah. today. another fun and no study day. morning woke up.

went to swim wif ulrica at toa pahyo. then gym wif her and pam. then had lunch wif pam, ulrica and demi. then went to pam's house to bake brownies and watch movie.

haha. ulrica's a gym pro. ahhaa..
pam's a baker pro.

watched drumline. and also some korean movie. ahhaa. very fuuny. must go watch .. "my teacher my friend". smth like that. ahha. very cool and funny.

yar. then at home now. feeling abit useless. like nv do wrk. yes. hols wrk are still kept hidden inside my file.

tml packed. prefect mtng and tuition. haiz. jam jam jam!. haha.

Happy Birthday Grace!!!
hmm.s ok. churh. went late for logistics. didn't go for prayer meeting. too dead tired. reach church at 945am. ahha. today ss sch.. ok lar. learnt alot. as in. at least i'm absorbing. =)

after that .. went to meridian to makan. ahhaha. good korean food at the food courrt then celebrated grace's bday. took photos. ahha. charsee.!!. ahaha. was sticing the ferror choc. stickers all over our faces. ahha.

then later... went to airport, supposedly to study. then family pet yuanting and son gary was there. they persuaded me to go the watch the CO performance by the eas zone schs.. to the extent that they went to the airpot. hmms. john came later. so i called mama. and yes.though sick and bad mood, she agrredd. hah.

then took a cab there. being superly vs, gary paid and rejected our rightful payback. then the performance. ok lar. the whole thing, i only like that perussion part, the pan weijie condcting, the soloist for zhong ran and the last 2 full songs the most. couldn't see kc girls playing. all hidden. but i saw gera's arm and lishan's hand. ahha. okok.

was ok. then later.. took e sch bus back o sch. ahha. got free ride. complimented by mrs lim. ahha.then suosedly went hooome. i didn't want to go home. so went to mac. to study. yar. took me 20mins to adapt. haha. the music was loud. ggrr... and very distracting. so i played my own walkman, blasting to a nice rhythem. yar. managd to cover 7 pgs of ss sec3, but was not focused. so i dun think i aborbed anything. oh well.

hmms. my whole of nov is officially packed. so much sacrifices to make. i pushing alot of things to dec liao. soon enough, dec will be full!!die my hols hw are like there. haha. hhmms. pray hard. ok.. another wk of hols down. 3 wks down liao, dun think i've spent it wisely. =l

tired. shall do brief summary.

morning go dance.

afternoon teens time. played today. kinda ok.. but got alittle screwed by the 1st song. so many f#m g#M.. play till fingers pain. but yea. i like the experience. learnt alot from zhen qin juz by playin wif him.

games. played capts' in the rain. missed this kind of church games liao. reminded me of old teens camp.

then went to eveleen's house to celebrate uncle ali's bday. saw all my childhood friends. clarence is super difference. terence wasn't there. the whole world grew.

miss them alot. shall orgainse a childhood friend day. okok. btw, i planning the pri sch gathering wif amos. he head of president leh. steady ar. hmmms. wonders how shss friends doing.







okok. today is saturday. the closest saturady that my dad fell. if history repeats, he will fall at 1210am. yar. i duno. the thing keeps coming back. i feel that he's in his rm, slpin, and hearing to ko-long-chong music.. then he fell. then mama and sis will be in the hall watching tv. this is freaky. everything seems to vividly. reading back my archives in nov. realised that i was a strong girl. was. i could go on w/o eating for aobut 2 days w/o slpin. whoa. hmmms.

older= weaker? hahha. wads. anyways.


i thank God for givng me such a fun day. but yea. tired.

ahhaha. today damn funny. so fun. had class bbq.

mr greg say not commin liao. so mr pang came first. then mrs lim then mrs tang. haaha.

i went there first.. but went to the bowling alleys. i saw jazreel train. haha. she always trng. i feel so guilty. like i see her everytime when i bowl. even appears in ecp leisure bowl. ahha. then i went to marine bowl to see uncle sam. haha. he said i grew taller!. haha. yay. the uncle said i'm burnt. ahahha. yay.

then later raining... so when the rain was lighter.. i made my way there.. so yar. played vooley ball and all. till aroun 6pm.. made fire. haha. 7pm.. mr pang came. then he was sittin gthere all alone. so lonely . eating and eating. coz we stuffed the tchrs wif food.
haha. then later.. mrs lim came ok lar. not so bad. she mingled wif us. then she can mingle wif us leh!. aha. look young. so yea, gave her alot of food. then mrs tandg came for awhile. ahha. she blamed me for saying that pit 33 is near mac. but it is wad. ahha. okok. ahahha.
time flew.
haha. clearing up was fun. mr pang was like.. marian.. ur hand made of wad ar.. y u not scared of fire. haha. then it was like super funny. coz wad i did was only put my hand over the fire to spread the fire starters. aaha. then he looked shocked. hahaha. then also. got another incicdence...lizzy asked how to know if the meat is cooked. haha. then he say. poke it.. if go through, then its cooked. haha. then i was like no.. shine the chicken near the light. if its transparent, then its not cooked.my logic lar. haah then duno why. he started laughing.
another incident.. coz i was doing the charcoal and all. then later i used ice to wash my hands..then go makan wif my hand. then he say.. whoa. u v dirty leh. nv wash ur hand, tml sure get diaherroa. aahah. super funny. the wasy he said it. i mean its like.. he so prim and propoer. reminds me of mrs boey. haa. no wonder they are so caleld "mother and son" in our sec 2/1 days. aha
thhahahhaha. then the last one. coz i was washing my feet wif the bottle of water.. the later i go eat food. then he say i veyr dirty. "u wash ur feet then use ur hand to eat." then he kept lauhgin and laughing. aha. hmm. very easy entertained. haha. hmms. oh wells.. fun maths teacher.

so later walked back to sch to take bus. its gd that our sch is near the beach. ahha. then on the way back.. was toking to lizzy and mr pang about food. liek where to eat gd food in sg and all. ahha. then mr pang was like duno any gd plac in sg which got gd food. ok lar.. at least got one ore 2 he knew. ahha. but he's older than me leh.. should know more of such places. haha.
then inthe bus.. was tired liao. ahah. so now at home.

laughed alot today. thank laura, bridget and mel who like really put anlot of eeffort into plannign this super successful class bbq though some did not turn up. haha.



once again. i wanna thank God. ahha. btw, this song on my blog by mandy moore is my ballet recital song! .ahha. super contempo for ballet right. ahahhaa.

haha. today super interesting. ok. shu reggina zen and i went to habour front to eat breakfast. then went to sentosa. super crowded. haha.

we went beaches to beaches in search for a gd place to slack and also for the bowling team outing. more or less, the thing kinda done. yay. left some calling to do. anyways.... we went swimming to the boey. then later... alot of blangadesh ppl. kao... these ppl can really mkae us b racist lor. coz we swimming.. then they kept looking. then swimming.. swim so close.. then on the floating thing, they keep following us super irritating. then we swam further away. carried all our things and all.. and they followed. super irritating. then they was like trying to put regina in the picture. then kept staring at us. basket. got so irritated.. then i shouted go away lar. aghaha. dun think they understand. so we all tried the chao face method. ahaha. i tried to tromertize them by giving them the super angry pissed look ahha. duh. did not work. so later.. we shift to 7-11 to eat.
came back, diff spot. saw a gang of those ppl, wif 2 beach partollers and 2 security guards.. ahha. so we asked the 3 girls whom wtalked to the patrollers... then realised that another man, reported a case of molestation to the sercuirty guards. aha. whoa. big commotion. coz the man, say his wife and daughter got molested, so he kept an eye on the guy. then the bad guy go molest the other chinese girl hand. haha. so yar. then duno wad.. yay. i'm happy. but argh... should hae reported them lor. serouslly man... they attempted to get close to us loors. ahaha. we ain't no dumb kids lar. kc leh. hahaha. hmmmm.....
ooh ya. in the midst, i almost killed shuneng.. haha. i pulled her down coz i was laughing too much in the deep water.

ya..i get scared when i see black ppl. duno leh.like they got alot of strengtht to pounce on u like that. har.
ok.. so later.. toook a monorail then a bus to hf. then took 10. ahha.in the bus super fun. keept toking. yay. then left the bus........

and...

my wallet was missing!. so yea. instinct and logic told me that my wallet was on the bus. so i ran for it. duh. its gone. so zen and i took a cab. so we were like.."uncle! chase the no. 10 bus. u can't see it... juz follow the route". ahhaa. like some show like that. half time, telling myself not to panic.. bus got not much ppl. so thank God. haha. the bus drove so fast. till duno where.. then finally, saw the bus, and told the taxi to stop a stop after. then the bus drove so fast, almost drove past us. ahha. so i jump out of the taxi and stopped the bus. ahhaha. a big humongous double deck. so zen and i got on to the bus... tellign him that i forgot my wallet. then he like heck care. so nvm.. didn't have to beee the ezlink. ahha. so yar... i saw my wallet. didnt know wad to say. then about 7 secs later.. haha. felt very happy. then went to the nearest bus stop to take 31. ahha.

hmms. always wif zen, this kinda thing happen. haha. ytd also super funny. we were toking about it. haha. then on the bus back, zen was able to watch singapore idol. aha. so yep. thanl God again..




there's so many thigns i wanna thank God for. haha. and guess wad.. nt 2 wks, I'm fully booked!. hahhahaha. okwways. i can't wait for dec.

todays is fun. yay.

monring..went 2 sch, for cheena as usual. was sleepy. hmm. i guess its a habit. oh wells. then later.. met up wif zen, reggie and anuaar.. went to jam!. ahha. wasted....i can't like post pics. ahha. superly fun.

went to the jammin studio in arab strt, recommanded by aloy. ahh. was not to badd. but the piano.. was erm. ahha. nvm. wwe had alot of fun... haah. yay.

then went to shop. not really my thing to slow shop. coz for me.. ahha. i walk briskly... using the super speed sight thingy. ahaha. anuaar went off. then later.. walked walked walked.. from duno where to duno where then eentually, reggie's mum fetch zena nd i to pp.

haha. wait. when i was a bugis, i told zen n reggie that i had a feeling that i'm gonna meet some pri sch friend. aha. and alas, it was true. i saw the waord "ming" behind someone's back and its superly familiar. ahha. so yar. it was wei ming alright. hahaa. miss pri sch friends man.

finally, after loads of complications, i manage to get a swimsuit. ahha. needed one. yay. i'm happy.

yep. this is today. kinda tired to type, havn prac guit.. so gg to soon...





hmms.. jinxian online juz told me to plan an outing for pri sch friends coz all of them wanted to. i guess its an encouragement for me. as in, he said this....


jx : Marian !
mp : hihi
mp : hahaha
mp : yea?
jx : heeh
jx : the pri school peeps want yew ta organise something man
jx : :D
jx : if it isnt too troublesome
mp : ahah
mp : paiseh
jx : cos they said ure the one with the leadership skills man
mp : i only can start to organise after nov
mp : issit alrgiht?
mp : hahha
jx : hahas shud be la
mp : coz now i orgainiing alot of camps and outings..
mp : so abit tied down
mp : will start orgainisin on the 3rd of dec okays?
mp : +)
mp : tell dem for me. thank u
jx : lol
jx : organising again
jx : sure no prob
jx : :D
jx : thanks alot man
jx : aprreciate it
mp : no probbo



yup. this is today. today interesestingly, like so many things relates to pri sch.



i miss trngs. i miss intersive tiring trainings by cathay.



:) tomorrow, interesting.

Why does people emphasize on formailty so much? Why? Is there a need?

Is there such thing as FUN? there is. People think too much. They beat around the bush.

And why do people carry burdens they can't? Why don't they trust and seek help, WHY?


This world is so superly uberly horriblily subjective. You cannot and can never comprimise everyone. AND,ironically, u still have and must know how to compromise.


Ironic? Contridicting?
You must get the picture.


I guess i'm quite clear of my amibition. i want to save lives. therefore be a doctor. but, people indirectly keep pushing me to my other goal, which is an entreporturner. i want to train people to be leaders.

All workshop sucks. super classroom. and, no liek hands-on hands-on kinda experince.

i want to push future leaders out of their box.


Give and Take. Learn and Relax.



-------


ok. today.... one song to summarise my day:...


" With Christ in the Vessel u can SMILE at the storm... "



-----


i guess bottling up is good to an extent that firstly, in my own logic and explaination, it trains me to be a stronger person. But due to given flaws, a volcano can erupt without warning.

In my high expectations list, thinking like a perfectionist, why are people so soft. so brittle.
All these answers are common sense. but really, think about it. u can easily write a 25 mark essay.

Well, do i sound scary? preassurizing? dominating? due to this morality of mine, i hurt ppl. my specaility. thus, my friends, you've gotaa be strong. really. how can u survive in this speedy world? give such a small task, u find it hard to handle. juz a likee comment, u shatter.


i'm worried for u. for ur future in life. facing this harsh and brutal reality.






*SLOW DOWN. THINK. REFLECT. WAIT UPON THE LORD. LISTEN.

ok.


sunday. worship was whoa. super rock. 2 electric guits, flute, acoustic, and aloy e drummer. sebas was the leader. hoho.the sound system was sort of liek not gd enough to 'handle' the sound. then inthe end, they 'secluded' aloy up using the missio styrofoam board... then the sound not as clear and cool liao. sads for aloy. wasted. but anyway.. its a gd thing that the power level was juz right for our congregation to participate in.
have to sacrifice some to get some.but i duno lehs... i found it alittle draggy... like.. i wasn't really enjoying or praising much. nvm..

sunday sch was amazing. well.. it was sort of a confirmation class. at the start, i was literally faliing asleep. super tired. towards the end... it was interesting. uncle kia wang taught us about speakign in tongues. so we split into small grps, and started to pray. then he went to each grp to pray and he spoke tongues. well, he juz told us to pray out loud. some of us spoke in tongues, some were too shy. at first, i wwas a little shy lar.. then i sort of 'secluded' my mind from elsewhere for a v short period of time. then i prayed out loud for a v short while. 5 secs? i felt that i knew the content, but i did not know wad was said when i open my mouth. i was like blabbering and all. i got alittle afraid, so i stopped?

yea. in a way, it strengthed my faith. i felt that i could connect wif God, the Holy Spirit. but yea, thinking of it scientifically, it's spooky.

oh wells. ok. later... went for lunch wif all our kaki. super long we nv sit down and juz tok crap and makan. so yea, went to long john's silver to eat. while walking to the interchange to go aiport, ms wahidah saw me. i didn't until she called my name. i turned.haha. shocked. but i said hi. yay. i'm nice. haha

ok. at airport, today, i managed to study quite alot in comparison to the past few days. but i feel that its not enough. so yea. ok. then went home. read smth, and now i'm kinda tied up in a knot.




i can't say anything, but yea.

ok. bowling was bad bad bad. tkgs won! steffi tham.. best bowler, high game and high series, best team. argh.

kc bowling team really has to to fight. ok..... one good excuse... we are not grouped according to our skill level. har. so its ok. guess wad..our sch conquered 2nd and 3rd. so yea. acs br hit the news. oh well.

again, nothing to show mr jega. BUT. our sch name, both our names will b on the news. har. mr jega betta see it. bowing. i've gotta be more focused. i wanna bowl to the 12 board.. i keep looking at 10. sometimes, even at the pins. horrible.

on the other hand, msh did well. they won sji who kept crowning the lanes. yea. i guess sji kinda sad. hmms. smiles yea. as for kc, we have and must fight. must must must. all of us must get into masters. actually, if i have the mentality i had in sec 2 during the nationals, i could have easily won. sec 2, no skill, had mental. now, no mental, got skill. hmm...mental is impt. skill no use.

but well done to kc. we rock. haha.



after that, had lunch wif zen. then later went for dance. and shockingly, one girl from my ballet, is a scgs bowler!. i didn;t know until she saw my bowling bag and asked me. bowling is a wonderful sport. its like.. u know the person's full name. u recognise the person but u dunno the personally. like all the pro bowlers, jazreel, evangeline, shayna, cherie, stanley, aloy,... and all. high profile. haha.
finally, i know the ballet dance. yay. its super tiring. had fun though. ahha. can't wait fo rthe performance. haha. also i heard, our tap costume was too revealing that ms susan had to go change the design. ahah. the skirt's like orange. eee.. i was hoping for black top red bottom... but it wad like shinny orange. eek. ok. but cool. haha


after that... went to sun tec. met zen,, shu and reg. we went to get the thigns for the bowling outing. haha. couldn't find any.. so in the end juz bought the stars for the star game. then was walking around.. ahha. then went to the fountain. walked 3 rounds. then supposed to make a wish. so i was walking, walking.. happily looking up at the high-rise suntec buildings.. when walked back.. they were toking about the wishes. ahha. and i realised that i've forgotten to make one. hmmms..,
after that... was walking aimlessly around.. with my bowling bag. kinda tired. then in the end..found a place to eat. sake!.ahha. spent $ again. on food. grrr. but this time, i spent below $10. yay. haha. while eating, chat alot. tok alot. yeah. one of the best times we ever had. then went to the fountain again. was dark... wif the lazer and all.ahah. so we dedicated "to: kc bowlers. from zen, marian, shu and reg. msg: 300 xxxxxxxxxxxx! kc bowlers rox!!" haha. damn funny. then when the thing was played, the ppl knew it was us, coz of reg and my uni.. ahha. plus my bowling bag.. then they look. ahha. so fun. after that... reg so touching. so dedicated one for us.."i love u guys!". ahha. so touching. was a very nice atmosphere. haha. romantic? ahaha. yep.

so later.. they went to buy ice cream.. then went home. shu's dad sent me to the bus stop then i took 196 home. so yup.


today kinda meaningful. firstly, i kinda like can finally rest. but nxt wk still got sch for me.. coz i have cheena remidial. so yar. 2 wks of hols are gone so soon. nxt wk kinda packed liao. mon guit and mting wif nat to call schs, tue tchr, wed jam,shop, thurs, have fun in sentosa!also plan the outing wif com mebrs, fri, mug. yep, everyday got sch. yar. so today i could talk to alll 3 of them. one of my closest bowling pals.

yep. thank u





thank u so much.

hmm. and again. i'm puzzled. i dunno wads gotten over me. writting really helps. -for awhile.


today.. sara was sort of punishing herself by not toking as she did not go for her piano lessons.. was super irritated wif her until during tuition when she started to speak..
then, i was surprisingly sensitive today. like a mimosa. geraldyne was wif sara. and she does things w/o telling me. i mean...i dun expect her to tell me everything she does and all. but i duno. she is my best friend. my friend?. hmmms.
see. sensitive mode liao. hmm. eeek. girl .

in addition, i got frustrated juz by calculating the mean of a grp. coz my classmates behind me were talking. usually, i'm like ok and might even tok wif them while doing it. this time, i couldn't focus.


i duno y but when i get irritated or angry or any other blech feelings, i'll neglect the feelings of others. this is my wk point.




for chemistry.. did titration again. the o level one. add sulphuric acid and potassium iodine.. that one.. sian. 4th time. argh.



ppl change in life. i do not want to grow up as an irritant. i wana be shadowed by God image. a child of God. it does not mean that i have to be perfect.. but, i can try to aim high for perfeection.


my class. totally. i got irritated. ppl are still in their.."this is my notes.. go get urs" kinda attitude. wad kind of bonding is this? its like.. when i buy like 3 assesments bks on my weakest subs, they are like.."omg.. marian!. u're so scary".. then i mean like.. hello. dun u all do this kind of stuff?. and when one heard that theresa, nat, ger, sara and i were going for tuition...."omg.. u all are scary!".


hello.s u too, have tuition. i have only 1 tuition which is a maths. others? almost all the subs which can b studied. some even have english. wad is this. and when they found out that i started studying, they said, "wah. marian! u started studying? omg.. i haven leh. i am going to fail...". so i was like.. i falied 7 out of 10 for eoy. how can i stll not study? tell me.
and wanna bet, that person sure is like mugging away at home. when exam comes..the popuplar question.." have u started studying?".. popular ans."no.". yea right. top 10 in class, in triple science class, nv study they day b4. i so believe. so uber true eh. argh.

y can't all of us be gracious ppl? why?


see. i'm sensitive. girl. ----
tml, i am gonna fight. no more excuses and rubbish failures. i wanna win. i must. gonna pput all that i have learnt tml.




i'm loaded. loaded wif homework. nv ending. no kiddin. i planned to catch up wif all my studies during hols. i dun think so. hw is juz too much. mr pang said to take hw and a revison. no. times are different now. there are different components and subjective arguements to this issue. u can't win.



kc tchrs are slack. well, not all. juz that i feel, the tchrs dun make us interested in it. all of their goals and objective is juz to finish the syllabus in a given amount of time. does that make a gd teacher? and when they rush, they literally rush. might as well dun teach. therefore, wif so little understading, how can we possibly get a distiction? might as well go to some neighbourhood sch and excel there. really,.

i regret. regret of choosing the core lit path. initially, i chose core geog, elect lit.. then when learning geog, ms soo said this.."if u all dun understand chpt 1, u all will have a difficult time. u cannpot pass. because all the following chapters are related to chpt1.". and i duno wads gotten over me.. i got scared. and appealed to change from core geog to core lit. and now, the regretion. if there's such a word. if i'm able to go JC, the whole batch of us will be in the new system. we must take humanities. and look, for sure, i wun take core lit. although i can score in lit, but i have not much interest. so if i take geog as my humans in jc, i'm goona slog, and will be like last in class. again.




hmm. mayb i'm juz thinking too much. therefore, i tend to neglect e importance of communication wif God. i lack it.




end-

things are better now. juz gotta see how i face it. i wanna win on sat. win like win. win until hit the news. muahaha. pray for me.

for the bike. for the bike, pray for the current "owner". pray that he'll feel super guilty and he''l leave the bike where he found it.

today, supposed to go slack and sing song wif rach, andrew, suan and lum. in the end, lum and rach can't.. suan not confirmed.. so went home. haiz. sry drew. yea. so many bks to caryy.. somemore brought my guitar. thank God for givin me back my positiveness.

i feel that i sort of recovering. juz gotta wait for the thick black cloud to go over.


currently, i'm gotta die because of hols hw. its like... sure canot finish. 10 cheena compos.. 3 projects, maths, essays... etc. well. i guess i can't really revise my wrk.. will spent my time doing hw. sads.. but yea. i'm gg out nxt wk!. haha. i wanna go out. juz to walk aimlessly in town. long time nv do that. wanna play in the sun. miss those after psle times.

pray for o levels. pray for all my peng you who is super kan chiong spidey now. pray that they'll be confident. pray for world peace. ppl will be happpy. no crimes.!.



ok. i feel like stuck. stuck in some sort of trap. not sure wad is it, but i feel smth which i can't explain. juz feel caught and tangled.

from my sis blog. har. wad a loving family.

----------


I cant believe that the bike is stolen. WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!
And, pls stop saying until like it's your friend's fault. It is only your own responsibilty for your bike's well-being.
If u can't even bother or have the ability to take care such a HUGE bike, pls, dun bother to even ASK for more items. I wont be surprised if one day u lose your HUGE guitar, let alone your bowling bag (with the HEAVY ball) which can be considered a small item.
The bike has got sentimental value, nothin you can do to replace that. YOU KNOW IT!! And i dowan to keep this in the dark. The truth has to be out!
You had better learn to appreciate things more, and keep a close eye on ALL your properties. It's proved that you cant, so pls buck up!!! And to all your 'very nice' friends, PLS JUST SHUT UP AND STOP GIVIN ANY WORDS OF COMFORT OR COMMENTS AND APOLOGIES. You don't know what's it like to lose something that is given frm someone who we love so dear and is not around anymore.


To that TRASH who stole the bike: MAY YOU RIDE YOUR WAY TO DEATH SOON!! I hope that a huge cement truck will crash and roll over you and spill cement while u're cycling, and may u be cemented to the ground for enernity!! I hope that u'll lose your job and get arrested for good~!! GO and DIE!!! Fuck YOU!!!

----------







okok. today. went bowling wif zen, pok, billy and ryan. marcus, shu and regina didn't bowl. so yar. yups. had fun. long time nv bowl wif friends outside kc bowling team. i had fun. thank u for u guys.

however, ya.. as usual, didn't bowl well... kept pulling my shots. then lost timing, lost line. kinda worried for sat. okok. tkgs vice capt is one newspaper. ok. kc bowlers are jealous. very. our avg win hers lors. nvm. we are gd ppl.

ok. i wanna thank joanne and ulrica again. jo sent me a letter, ulrica, a msg. really. their words are really nice, and peace giving lar. yep.

the cloud is not over yet. my mum have yet to know. we'll see how first. gotta be calm. but today, my mind kept leaning towards the neg sides. during a maths, got so irritated by functions... and so i slept, resulting in mr pang being angry wif me. haiz.


i shall have back my composure, smile.




smile?




smile.




somehow or rather, i feel that our exco is like filled wif super bz ppl, hcl and ppl like me. yar. and things cannot be done. how i juz wish, i'll juz shoot all and chop chop get things done. juz like wad i do for bowling. an outing/camp can be planned within 3 days max.. this time 2days.. prefects camp, super long. if only i can juz shoot all my points. one thing u've gotta rmbr, u can't satisfy everybody. u are not God. u cannot waste time and think so much. get along. have fun. y stress?


yea. wierd right.. me saying all these.




okok. i shall got and eat. i thank all of u guys for bowling wif me.

y y y. unpredictable things keep falling infront of me.

lets start wif the gd. i wanna thank God for friends. ulrica and joanne. i love them. thank u for ur little notes. really. words mean alot.

today during sermon, i guess its one of the best sermons i've ever had. from sleepy mode to super alert. "miracullous ways". yar.


hits me again.


ok wait. pause. now my mother juz asked me..."ay girl.. tell ur friend dun damage ur bike... some peole ar... blah blah".



so now how? u tell me how to respond?

infront of ppl, i try to b happy. i can't seem to do so in church. at the airport wif yr, gary, sara and the px ppl, i could. putting on a veil infront of me. its tiring. i had to. for the sake of happy pppl. their o's is tml. i really dun want them to screw up, major paper.

on the way home... i was alone. i told my freinds to go first.. as in. i told them i wanted to stay a little while more to study. well, it was actually to think. to stop and think again.

today smth scary is happening. i look as girls. ok lar. its not the first time i'm doin so. but its pleasent and nice to loook at chio girls. u see the way they dress. super CAL. according to gary, chao ah liao. why do girls wanna lower the respect of the female species by being revealing? wad gd does it to the a girl to dress uncomfortablily. that is to me lar. tight short shirt and all. eee.


girls girls girls. dun worry. i wun b a les. pls. straight. ruler. i dance. i dance like a girl. yea. but i duno y, i juz like being boy. sitting wif the coffee shop open or like the trishaw man. look. i dunno how girls sit still. i was being tortured in e white u skirt. pants rocks.



tml, i making a police report. ya. hopefully i can scrap through by being alone. if they ask for adults.. i think i'll call sis. she betta help me. haiz.


actually i'm really lost. i dun even know who am i. no as in my identity or wad. my personality? i'm changed? huh. i want to tok to someone but yet, i dun wan. i want to control myself, but i can't. i want to get this thing done, but i also dun want. wad is this? horrendous behaviour. i have to b a role model in sch. as an exco, prefects look up 2 u as a role model. therefore, i have to b a role model. yes, its easy for me. but wif additional probs and obsticles, ur path will be super rocky. its a challenge that mould u to a better sculpture. but, if lets say the fire get too hot or the spinning thing gets too fast, are u still able to b produced a gd product?

pls, the liquid boils, the clay gets damaged and dries fast.

God is our potter. He is perfect. but like during spiritual dryness... ur potter seems gone. i seem to be left unattended. i love to be in that situaution. to be alone. a loner. i like being alone.. (not in the dark lar.). ppl ask y i'm like that. i duno?



ok. shall stop. i crap too much

i click "publish post". its then gone. even bloggin is screwed. i dun wish to re type. grrr.

i click "publish post". its then gone. even bloggin is screwed. i dun wish to re type. grrr.

argh argh argh. f.


argh. ohsrnpaov;isrh;onroi .



my bike is stolen.

fark. argh. sory for the uncivil behaviour. argh.

i'm dead. wad would my mum say? wad would she do to me?????????? wad??

its not the consequences. i've loose alot of my memoraries. my bike is given to me from my dad. i cycle it with my dad. my dad modified it. installed the lights. bought a basket for in and all.

fark.

i cannot stand it. argh. i lend my bike to shu. i cannot blame her. she secured my bike to a pipe. who knows some moronic idiotic person would take the whole damn pipe away. shu did her best. i cannot blame her.

dad. argh. y must u torture me like this. u. argh. pls can. stop it. argh. i cannot take it anymore.


i cannot take it anymore. i cannot take it anymore. i cannot take it anymore. i cannot take it anymore. i cannot take it anymore. i cannot take it anymore.
i cannot take it anymore. i cannot take it anymore. i cannot take it anymore. i cannot take it anymore. i cannot take it anymore. i cannot take it anymore.
i cannot take it anymore. i cannot take it anymore. i cannot take it anymore. i cannot take it anymore. i cannot take it anymore. i cannot take it anymore.
i cannot take it anymore. i cannot take it anymore. i cannot take it anymore. i cannot take it anymore. i cannot take it anymore. i cannot take it anymore.

i simplyl can't.

what would my mum do to me? wad would my sis do? somemore, she asked me during dinner when will my friend return the bike ot me. shit. i'm dead. i'm lost. argh.

let me indulge in this uncivil behaviour. juz for today. fark fark fark. argh. marian. u're dead. u're hopeless. ur father did smth for u. and u, irresponsible daughter of his, how could u?

go and die marian. u juz bring misery to this freakin world.



some polite executive committee prefect.

this is getting scary.

i'm thinking of smth that totally go against the Bible. butch. marian, a butch? wth.

was picturing myself in big baggy pink collared shirt, grey cargo pants, big big skate-boarding shoes.

ho ho ho. i stop. to think. based on the Bible, somewhere in Phillippians.. homesexuality is bad and corrupted. then again, i dun really like wanna be a butch or wad. i juz wanna dress like them. har. little marian, who knows what can she be up to. where's that "marian.. u're a cheerful girl" kinda thing. no more man. no more.


i guess i'm experiencing spiritual dryness.


i've kinda stopped msging ppl nice msgs. oh well, some. i duno lehs. sec 4s is having practicals. gary, john, lydia, lorraine and all. i pray for them. but the prayers keep getting shorter. i know its not the length or wad so eva... i keep succumbing to my tiredness - to sleep.

speaking about slpin, i woke up at 6:33 am, rushed and reached sch at 7:23am. i'm late. well, not late for sch, but late for the prefects' time- 7:15.. plus, i even "nagged and harped" on the importance of being punctual blah blah blah during the last meeting. wad kind of exco is this lor.

tml got meeting. hopefully it'll end b4 3pm. into of new trainees and all. hopefully, wad i say will also be implemented on myself. being a leader and all the crap. in conjunction, tml is the selection, last 3 games. i'm scared deeply. mr lim toked to me today. he said. marian,.. i've seen ur eoy results.. so i said.. yar i know its bad. he replied." no, it is not. its very very bad and not gd at all. its not up to ur standard." i was like.. ok. now wad. mr joseph lim, now asking me to drop a subject. so mrs lim, walked passed by.. and then joined in the conversation.. and also encouraged me to do so.

hellos. argh. wth. here i am, trying to fight and come back. there goes my most trusted teacher, also telling me to indirrectly "quite the triple science game". HARS. NO, I'M NOT GOING TO. I WANT TO PROVE TO U PPL.



am i being too sensitive?. i dunn want to be juz a girl. i wanna be the extreme case of one. i hate being a girl. guys keep giving way to u. ppl keep using.."because u're a girl" kinda excuse to supress the consequences. wad only.




shall juz end here. feel so aunty, naggin and complain online. such loser.

i dislike this yr. i dislike the marian this yr.

bowling team is going to crash. and i mean crash.
- no mr. lim
- no uncle jack to drill ur balls at tampines.
- new format
- recreational sport becoz we did not win anything this yr
- no intake of sec 1s nxt yr
- nxt yar must win at least a bronze or smth else better.



i hate it. juz had selections. under so much pressure. so much. 125 128 108. accordin to uncle jack, 150 avg is an auto into the team. i doubt i'll make it. argh. i've lost my touch. i duno. i really don't know.
this yr, everything seems so bad. dad, pls come back. damn. have i gotten over dad? have i? have i? have i?. smths hindering me this yr, and i can't seem to remove it. i keep telling myself its not my dad. ppl tell me that "marian.. u're a strong girl..".. are u guys really telling me the truth or juz encouraging me?

tml. hopelessly packed.
- meet mr lim.
- meet mrs sim.
- meet mrs lim.
- meet mdm shanti, aka vp.

mr lim wants to speak to me. regarding my studies. in addition, i heard that 1 person from my class, retained. i'm scared. i'm no fighter. someone or something has to bring out that freakin confidence. bowlin? issit really for me? or shall i juz stop and switch to music. totally.


i guess, today, i've officially stepped down as a capt. kinda sad. its demoralising. (congrats to shujing and zoe). i was actually hoping for donna, coz i really feel she has the potential. i duno. but i feel that i'm no role model. during prefects' interview, ppl keep saying.."u've gotta be a role model" and all the crap. reflecting on myself this yr? am i? am i? am i? i'm lost. i need a listening ear. my friends, i dun feel like pouring to them. why?

i'm vulnerable to influnces. for all u know, ms marian might go into a relationship, dies in studies and cca. har. that will b the day man. the turning point. the optinum side of me. har. was in the sbs bus, blasting myself with hillsongs. almost brokedown. infront of so many ppl coz i was sitting in the seat where the whole bus can see. thought about dad. he's gettin irritating. can he juz come back? can he? things will be much better. i wana get a job this 2 months at SIA... its juz the prob of time management. too little time. i'll get burnt out. plus, what about trng? backt ot bowling, if i dun get into nationals for nxt yr, i'm gonna quit bowling. not as in quit, but juz dun go for trngs. i'll go get uncle franics to train me, then take part in tournaments, make my name known and prove to the coaches.


one thing is, am i able to?

i wanna go sajc. through bowling. its getting further away. now i juz have to base on acadamic results, which is a defintie no. i'm loosing my focus and goals. i wanna get over and done wif and open my company.




i can't stand it. the world seems to be turning its back on me. everything is screwed. "Where will u be the day after tomorrow?". wad if ice age is coiming in like 24hrs. i'll b happy. i'll no longer be on earth.




one thing gd, heard from andrew, daniel lum can got express!. yay, poochie!.

hmmm. i feel super wrking wif sch lor. y am i shouldering all these responsibilities? this question hit me. we all do so much. it all sums down to our objectives. if we all juz do. no point.

sch super nothing to do. so played sch com. was resarching on the various pbs of sg. and i realised that our sch is super outdated. yar. also. today after sch.. went to prefects room to call up some agencies and helplines for catering of our food. our budget super low. gonna die. after sch was prefects meeting. our first meeting we held. it was ok lar. i felt that i didn't know what i was speaking. aha. abit kan chiong. glad that i did not say everything wad i felt. if not i might offend ppl.

hmm. i've got new ways to propose to mrs sim about improving the status and respect of our sch leaders. be it psl or prefects, we are not respected and "wanted". so as one exco board, we'll try to make an impact this yr. to be recognised by ourselves, and gain respect. also, wif regards to new ppl coming in, besides juz interviews which are quite pointless and time consuming, i might try to change the whole system. because of this, i guess i'm quite rushy to some extent that i might juz wanna keep going and keep improvising, w/o stopping to for experiences. hmmm... also because of this, it might seem that i am pushing ppl. haha. i doubt so lar. but yar, nicole and i, feels out of the board. thats one thing. therefore, its something that i have to learn and change- to be positive but yet, think of negative consequences to b prepared.

that's many goals and expectations i've set for myself nxt yr. for bowling, there are many. so much that its like literaly pushing the next yr capts. hopefully, i'll be able to assist them if they need any help. for prefects, hoho. alot. one thing that will improve our sch's efficiency will also indirectly depend on the board. sadly, we have to work wif teachers.oh well. for the gd of students.

hmms. yea. kinda packed for the hols. gonna be an all new experience for me again.


as for now, my aim is to win masters for stbc league coz now wer're in the 1st division. and try and get a 200 in any case. and that my big name will appear in newspaper. ha ha ha. muahhaha. sound evil. yar. my aim for now, for prefect. juz pray for communication and unity






Dear Lord, i thank u.

yar. in class now. supposedly having post-exam activities . yar. our class com is wrking! the class is like no one. the sound system also not wrkin i guess.

haiz.


i not sure of my future now. i wanna be a doctor, but i wanna train ppl. train ppl to be leaders. har. open a campany and train students. coz now, i'm tryin to tolerate ppl's nonsensical behaviour.yep.

mrs tang juz spoke to me. again, its another reminder. marian has slackened. the fighter in her is like dying lors. i give up too easily. thuogh i attempt to make situation the best out of it, there are still obsticles. i wear down myself. wth.

i miss papa. i miss my pri sch friends. i'm gonna miss kcbt, mr lim.







dun feel like blogging

today. lets start wif the tournament. i didn't performed my standard lar. the lanes was super nice to bowl. like dry lor. so slayR kind of ball. got 115 128 157. no comments, was very tired. team 2 did a great job. they got 2nd. missing by 100 pins only lor. for team. if not, they'll win siglap boys team, get a goodie bag, and be on newspaper. the reporter guy was there. haha. ok. i must make my team win. muahaha. i juz feel that that passion of mine is trying to be used but kenna locked.
i must must win win win. do my sch proud for the last time in kc this yr. i wanna get champion. i wanna get 240. haha. my aim - 240 by this yr. not avg lar. siaow. but serious lar... today really pityful.

today was the bbq. ahhaa. planned by the sec 2 com + sec 2. i think its really really great. its an encouragement to me. in life, we have many roles to play. wadeva we are, wadeva we do, we are significant lor. its really gd. sec 3s kept singing campfire songs. haha. the song still stuck in my head.."oh no more mitshubutshi lancer".. ahaa.. very thankful for juniors and mr lim lar.

after that. had "meeting". ahha. current com members. the "meeting" we had was productive. it was wad i expect in an exco meeting. productive. everyone was open. every voiced their objectives and feelings and perspectives. we were open. this is wad i want for an exco meeting- everyone to listen and think. dun juz keep pushing and forgeting all the wonderful experience and mistakes that we can learn from.

gonna miss kc bt. haha. yar the ppl. i have a new objective and goal for us as seniors. seniors should not be neglected. now its the time for me to plan and settle all my objectives, goals and aims so that i will not side track. i want to be a follower that lead. its not contridicting. think.

camp was fun. i thank God for camp. in general, i feel that the camp was mostly to bond us. overall, our grp got the no-so-enthu insrtructor or smth. her passion seems to be dyin.. i duno. other grps are always wif their insturctors and they are really bonded lar.. ours is.. erm.. yar. whole camp, scream and scream lor. kept singing and all. i hope that this spirit wun die down. the food was gd, instructors was awesome. insturctor jason was inspiriing.. instruction eleanor is chio. ahha. yar.

alot is reminders.. teamwork blah blah blah.. made me stop as think. in life, its not all about leading and leading. personally, all of us have passed the stage of leaders. it is now to listen and accept, and lower ur pride. it seems easy. its not. we are so used to leading, but when it comes to listening, we have problems. yar. and another thing, on eoy. so wad if i have potential to excel. if i dun use it or have the right focus or objective, wads the point?. might as well heck it.

its time that i will really stop and slower my pace as an exco. not stop as in stop lar. go slower. we tend to keep rushing against time, neglecting all experiences and objectives. we do it wif the wrong aim and focus. no point. the outcome seems the same, but its not. its that sixth sense we all have that make us know the diff.

okok. crap. back to camp. was great. slept in the hall. thank God the screams of KC girls were used in camp songs and cheers rather than on an insect (cockroach..). gonna miss the instructors and all. the cheers and camp songs. and even the responses!. ok! alright!. very good! excellent!. hahha, seriously, team-bonding is impt. ahha. argh,.. stuck to the song.."oh is was sad.. oh is was sad.. it was sad that the big ship went down, to the bottom wif the husbands and wives and the children lost their lives, it was sad that the big ship went down...."...."one banana two banana three banana 4, ...",...."mmm emp, goes a little green fog one day...". agaaha.,so many. but my fav one is the one we say b4 makan. super cool. yep. gonna apply most in prefects camp..hehehhe


okok. i'm tired. laura, bridget, mel, steph, cheng en those hyper ppl were tired!. hha. yar. oh ya.. all these ppl also loose their voice. including me. ahaha. scream too much. miss c div alot. 2003 c div. tml is tournament. hmmm.. i guess my ball will seem to be like 16 lbs .. ahah. meeting sam at 645. haiz. die. pls, let me wake up tml lor. yar. byez

today. well its the 20th. a signaficant no. again. as usual. things happen.

ok. today..

all my results are sort of out. i am speechleess and pathless. i have no clue about my goals and aims....

- English: 65.3% (B3)
- Chinese: 46 % (D7)
- A Maths: 48 % (D7)
- E Maths: 45% (D7)
- Biology: 33.5% (F9)
- Physics: 55.5 % (C5)
- Chemistry: 41 % (E8)
- Core Lit: 63 % (B4)
- Geog + Ss: (19 + 22)= 41 % (E8)




what to say?







it took me long to accept this fact, or rather, let this situation hit me. i was ok.. till end of sch when,, i realised that, yes, marian has failed 6 out of 9 subs. and yes. best class.
forget it. its over.



mr pang talked to our class. i feel that yes, it is totally indeed true that we need to fight as one and not among ourselves. it reminded me of VS. after seeing john's blog the video clip, kc is lacking alot. we are not updated. we are not united. we think we are, but we are not. i want to make this change to kc that we, as a sch, will be an outstanding sch that emphasizes on the importance of leadership qualities and not just cultural stuff etc.





today's also the trainee interview. ytd, was 5 ppl.. today, 30 over. the exco were very tired, we had to take a break. in the end, given our high expectations, 11 our of 40 smth was selected. 11. no way can 11 ppl make up the board. 7 were sec 1s. so if we were only to alow these ppl, what about the future batch of exco and seniors. haha.so in the end, it no. was raised to 17. not confirmed. have yet to discuss with mrs sim and all.




on the way home. talked to yuan ting. there's also reminders for me to learn. as myself. later, on the way home alone, i boarded the double decker bus. still thinking of prefects' stuff and sch stuff. haha. physco. haha. then on the way up, i think i drop my walkman the ear piece on the stairs. as i sat down, i felt empty w/o music. so i went to the stairs. and yar, my property was gone.

i thought of dad. that was the ear piece that my dad last listened to. we played christian music for him to listen, using my walkman and my earpiece that i am using now. now the piece is gone. haiz. 20th. truely. why? why? why?. there's so many thought in my head. so many task to fulfil. no time. nxt wk, totally booked. time management is way tight. hoho. another challenge. thought. good and bad. positive, as well as negative.


"u juz drop chem lar. or make it a combine," mrs koh said.

too bad. i choose to fight. i choose to prove to you that i have an a1.



oh wells. smth good happened today also. i got back my result for the westpac australian maths competition. ahha. i got 100!. i duno upon wad lar. coz i realised that i beat alot of opppl who are gd in maths like sara and etc. yay. top 20% in sg. but still credit. steph got higher i guess. mr pang said that the highest was 101 in class and he thought that my marks must be some calculation error or prining error. he as jk. but yar. i am encouraged that i am about to sort of almost top the class in some maths thing. that's one thing i'm proud of today. only today.

i'm not sure if i'm ready to go for camp with a light heart tml. camp ends at 2230 on fri. the next day, tournament at chevrons. then later will b games and bbq. what more? i wanna study. but now i can't. i have videos to do.. but yea, i'm honoured to do such stuff for the sch. i'm juz afraid of the time frame and resoures i'm given. i need to have trust in the ppl that are helpin me with the scanning and sending of the photos. in 3 days. a magnificant sllide show. i want to achieve that. i have to fight.



bloggin helps. it helps me. i feel -relieved(?)- i do not want my report bk. i'm not proud of it. in pri sch, i was superly excited to get my report bk. this yr, dreadful.

i feel hopeless.

both maths failed.

oh wel, at least passed physics and literature, but still. 3/6. not up to standard. all below avg.


sux.

sports-wise. even worse. i can't seem to get back on form. juz simple couldn't. today saw uncle billy at safra tampines. he asked me what was my problem. i couldn't even givea definite answer.

1) no speed
2) no timing
3) no rev.
4) no follow-through.
5) not consistant.
6) no confidence
7) no spares
8) no strikes.
9) 100 avg.
10) sat is my tournament


my aim is 190 by the end of this yr. plus, kc team is going down. we are gg to have less trngs. nxt wk is the roll-off. if i dun get to play for sch in nationals. i'm gonna juz quit. nothing is there to spur me on. cannot. juz cannot seem to find my line, my focus. it sux.









i can't bowl

Happy Birthday my dearest Joanne! my super lovely cell leader. naver fails to mail me through postman to keep my going. =)

yep..ok.. basically, i got my amp on sat. f-20. yay. hahah.

and i also wanna thank God that i was able to play for teens time on sat. haha. i played a few errors.. but ya. ahha. yay.. not llike major ones. haha. then on sun, played for junior sunday sch. hhaha. that one was bad. i got alot of mistakes.. till duno play where. ahaha. was funny. coz nigey got mission dance.. then had to play drums. ahha. so not enough time to find drum stick. ahhaha. then in the end used 2 long thing grey pipes of unequal length. ahaha. super funny. was cool lor. like some rock thing.hahaha. after church went to celebrate joanne's bday.. then went home to get ball and go bowling.

haha. bowling was bad. bowled wif jeff and sam.. ahha. was super rusty. avg 100. hoho. nxt wk, will be our kc team roll-off for b div. wed and fri. and will also b our last 2 trngs for the yr. can u imagine? w/o bowling?. mr lim also said that he'll be leaving us. i feel super sad lars. argh. i cannot imagine wads life in kc w/o him. can u imagine the bowling team nxt yr? pity nxt yr capts. and also, this sat is the league. i have to win. got to get my 160 avg back in 4 days. haha. help

tml super bz.. the following days also. totally packed till evening. today was the prefect workshop, tml and wed will be the trainee interview... thurs and fri will be camp.. sat will be tournament, dance prac, bowling bbq. ahhaha. phew. super fast wk.. yep. wil be busy.

oh ya. sun i started jammin at homw if my guit. ahahha. and also changed classical strings to addjario.. yay. then nigey taught me how to use the amp through phone and msn.. as in.. like experiment wif the amp and guit. ahha. super cool. wanna thank God for such a friend. ahha. looking forward to learn new stuff from him. :)


haiz. today was a bad day. started off by getting back bio. hoho. 33.5/100. lowest in class i guess. haiz. hmms. then ss.. 22/50. but i improved!. was kinda expected it to be lower. yay. mrs tan commented that my source base was gd!. yay. first time in my life. its only the essay that pulled me down. as for eng. ahha. was shocked. summary i got 20/25. ahaha. yay. and mrs teo wrote alot of encouraging remarks on my paper. i thank God for her. yar. i from C6 jumped to B3 overall for eng. was happy lar.. for kc standard for eng.

but wad sads me is my bio lar. i like bio. and i had F9. ms louisa tan say its ok. coz sec3. hello. its not. i have a few more months to o's. ahhah. ok. does this sound scary? ok lar. hmms. tml wil try to squeeze in bowling. i have and must and need to bowl.

yay. finally. i got my electric guit. haahahaha. somemore at a cheap discounted rate. ahhaha...Samwick kve-430. its black and white. ahha. smth like sebastian's one. hahahah. muahahha. i feel evil. hahaha. yay. so happy for the rate. i bought it at parkway. the robert shop. shiok. yay. haha. got 3 knobes. and its now new!. ahha. but its the display one. coz the stock one is like got paint on it. so sad k. haha. i saw my classicial guitar on the shelf. ahha. it looked so new as compared to my one at home. ahha.

okok. anyways.. to those who want to buy guits... go PEACE centre... its like super filled wf guitars of diff kinds lor. ahha. i think today is an eye opener for me... like i've nv seen so many guits in my life. ahha. yay. i'm happy.

today morning, no sch. marking day. haiz. but had to go sch for some exco workshop by acorn. hmm. i dun think its really a good workshop. didn't really learn much. mostly is juz reminders here and there. nothing much to learn. i must get tips from vs liao. hahah. okok. then later had lunch wif the exco. tthen went to starbucks for meeting. i guess this is the most fruitful meeting. well, not that fruitful lar.. but manage to cover many things. i realised that we;ve got so much to do and so little time. interview, concert, meetings, meetings, meetings. every prefect meeting means there's an exco meeting. so its like 4 x 2 kinda thing. but oh well, its fun. ahha. yay. today's one was lik 2hrs. hahaha.

okok. so later met my mama go walk around. so yar. yay. here i am now, happy wif my guitar. okok. sis wanna use com. bye.

today is the day i've been waiting for.

morning, woke up at 8. felt excited about everything. 830.. left the house.. cycling. finally, i was able to cycle on my bike.. so i cycled to sara's house... haha. at kembangnan.shaha. i tot i'd lost my way.. but thank God... i anyhow turn.. then later called sara, then she told me her house juz infront where i was. ahha. so wanna thank God that he guided me and that i did not loose my way!.
reached there at 945.. around there.. then rested.. and continued to ecp wif her. ahha. its so funny lar. i fell down. coz i can't do sharp turns. haha. then she nv tell me turn right or left to ecp.. ahha.so fell down at a construction site. ahha. but was alright. ahha. then later.. i offended 2 cars.. coz i was turning, then i blocked one car.. then the woman driver gimme chao face. saddist lar. then i moved away. while moving away, a truck was behind me.. or issit a big car?.. aha. anyways, yar... then i gave space lor.. then the driver, thinking that his car is super big, thinks that the car is being blocked by my bike. ok. so i had to move back and up. ahhaha

then we continued our way....

we cycled.. went to bedok jetty.. slpt there for about 10mins.. took pics wif phone to act cool and all.. then cycle cycle to some ulu place. aahha. rested and had fun. ahha. then chiong all the way back.

time was 2pm by then. was tired. my lower back was pain. coz its like my bike, is not for long distance. i think its for stunt?.. but its big lar. ahha. coz got 2 shock resistor.. so yar.
our "class" came later.. which consisted of 5-7 ppl/ yar. then i left my bike wif shu and then i went to the bowling alley. departed from them. leisure bowl sure chaned alot. ppl left.but thank God that the uncle still rmbrs me. so yar.

later went home, cleaned up a little and went to tampines to bowl.
when i first went in, i saw jazreel's parents, stanely ong and his parents, jasmine yeong, evelyn jie and alot of pro-ed bowlers...they having trng i guess. ahha. got this caucasian big shot guy coaching them.. i gues he's some pro bowler.. aah.. super famililar.. ok.. so yar. then later, i bowled wif donna and charlyn. 4 games. totally suck sia. no grip, no speed, no rev, con control, no timing. totally sia. i guess my avg for the day is like 100? super sad. ahha. all i trng the effort all gone. i want trng!.

yep. then later went to tm to take neos. ahha.by the time, i was red,. as om sun burn lar.. then went to see guits..ahha. sad leh;.... my marshall ampifier no more liao. haiz. shall go hunt for it. haha. okok.

tml!.. i cannot wait for tml. its marking day!. haiz, but have to go to sch for some exco workshop. oh well, hopefuly we will bond. later i meeting mama to get my electric! yay.

can't slp tonite. i guess i'm gonna dream about tml!. yay.

exams. are over. the consequences have yet to come. i'm not ready to face it. haiz. i'm been thinking lately. thinking alot about my life. promotion day is on the 27 oct. which means i'm goona be considered as a sec4.

this is scary

too scary. sec4?... time is like flying... i duno leh.. like i haven been experiencing time crawling for a very long time. everyday seems to be packed. my life. there's so much things and ppl that influence me in decisions i make. they can b gd or bad. i duno. it's starting to hit me. i'm gonna be 16. i scared? not really thou. anxious?. hmm. i think i'm juz not ready to step into the i-am-16 kinda thing lar. gotta settle my edu first. things are too private. not suitable for here. anwyays, i thank God that abby is fine now. =). i thank God for friends. i thank God for teachers. i thank God for bowlers. I thank God for everything.

finally. its over.
( gonna be a long blog )

this year is very very bad. not to mention that i did not put in my best of efforts. haiz. its over. the sentence is soon to be heard. i'm afraid. afraid of the consequences that lies ahead. well, its over.

b4 exams., was the east zone colours award. was down for duty. my first 'major' task as an exco outta sch. yar. was at yu ling sec sch. i saw alot of my pri sch friends. was shocked that they were sport'y-inclined. yep. saw choong fu there. ahha. so funny. i think all his friends know my name liao. ahha. then took a photo wif him, knowing later that the film was not put in properly. haha. so yar.

ok. exams...
summary. in order of date.

* English
- this is the only subject i'm happy of. it also marks the start of the period whereby students feel stressed and not knowing of eveything. compo, was fear. ahaha. "FEAR". i was so phlilosphical. haha. duno how to spell and all. hmmm. i was very "emmotionally attatched" to the piece i wrote. haha. yar. the compre was tricky. but ok..

* ss and chinese 1
- hopeless. ss was totally. forget it. horrendious. felt dumb throughout the paper.
- compo was ok. didn't felt like i put in my best.

* lit paper 1&2 an bio
-was a hopeless day. totally. was alreay drained. told myself to carry on. but i juz couldn;t. no physiccal and mental strength.
first was the lit paper 1... i didn't have quotes. wrote crap. couldn't substantiate.
- then was paper 2. 2 hrs hass passed. w/o break, it was paper 2. twelfth night.. super duper tired. then later.. while writting, i couldnt take it anymore so i juzz wrote conclusion and then went to slp.. finished the paper in 1hr!. siaow liaow
-thank God was break. then yar. rested. couldn't absorbed, only could wait for bio paper to come. almost break down.
- bio. all thinking question. i wasn't in the mood for thinking q lors. pls. hopeless.

* emaths and cl 2
- maths. sad case. it was difficcult. hopeless again.
-chinese. hoho. totally. fill in the blanks section... i only knew how to do 1 out of 5. stupid dumbed. then the compre. was HCL!!>.. as in higher chinese passage... the hcl ppl say that we got the same one. buay tahan lor. 6 marks one q leh.!

* a maths.
- speechless. no remarks. juz fail lar.

* geog.
- hoho. i wrote general knowledge. nothing from text bk. and u know wad. i did not do a section!. 15 marks gone. because it was supposedly to be " do q 1 and 2 or 3".. n i happily thought that it was "i or 2 or 3". so in the end.. minus 15 marks. i knew it like 1 mins b4 the end of paper. i wanted to write. so i wanted to ask for paper. but i thought.... by the time the teacher walk to my table, thats its lor. times up. no point.

* chemistry.
- i duno wads got over me. i didn't know how to do so many. to top it off, i slept after 1 hr. when i woke up b4 the paper ended, i saw that everyone was busily writting. feeling super tired and ccould not be bothered, i went back to slp.
hopeless.

that day, i fell sick. very pale. was also eng oral. so i did my oral first then went foor guitar class as i felt that i need to as i did not go for class for very long liao. so i went home. slept from 5pm 50 545am.

*e maths paper 2. and chinese listening.
-hahah. did not study. so i felt horrible. was shaking very scaryily. felt practically like as if i'm under herion or something. the medicine my mum gave me still had effects on me. felt like as if i was going to die. do during the paper, my neurons couldn't connect. juz couldn't. so yar. goona fail e maths
-listening, haha. wad are they tokin? haha. totally duno.

*physics, cl oral.
-physics.. haha. the only paper i felt refresehed for. felt hopeful. wanted to get a1. haha. after the paper, i plan to get a b4 or smth lar. duno wad to do.
- cl oral. got my cheena tchr, knowing that she knows my standard, i did not put in my best.





finally over. yes. in sara's house now. having fun... wif all the musical instruments she have. haha. her com is like. whoa. in this "cyber cafe" haha. 4 coms in one row. but her papa took one of them down. so its me, sara, geraldyne and gloria. geraldyne is studying her hcl. so yar

ok. this period of time, i wanna thank my study kaki. sara, yuan ting and gary. i am very thankful for gary. he's like whoa. coz he taught me almost every subject lar. he has been supporting me through this wk lar. very thankful for such a wonderful friend like gary.
been going to airport t2 bk almost every day. made alot of friends who are aunty and uncle. ahha. the workers of bk. yay. nice pl. even the manage be came our friends. ;)
i also want to thank all my friends who sent me nice msgs. mostly from church lar. haha. thank u so much.

ok.

finally. yar. fun. well, actually not. gonna brush up my guitar skills, and imrprove my bowling. haven been bowling. thats very bad. hahhahha.


ok. haha. such a long blog. shall end now. due to ppl telling me that i've been bloggin for very long. haha. right sara? right geradyne? if u have successfully read everything i'vve blog. ahhaa. congrats lar.haha. u've got gd stamina. haha. being very lame noe. ok. shall stop and start to draw!. helping gloria wif her art. =)

i gotta let out steam.

stressed

no way i'm gonna do well.

made ic today.. i feel like as if i'm under identification crisis. i've been living in a wrong identity. my name. its pronouced wrongly. its written wrongly. for 15 yrs. thank God, it was the chinese characters. but i'm sad. all my wrk and all is all fake. argh. save me. who am i?

children's day. wad a day.making of identification card, seeing rodneny at ica, realising that i'm living a lie for 15 yrs, stressed, perfectly realised that today's the 1st, exams, 4th. finally, exams has hit me. no effect has take. -pause-

really, being supported by my hp and hillsongs cd. they are my pillars. those forward msges comes into handy.

how?. [ the end of triple, double double double ] meaning, sciences, maths, humans, languages. all- to the drain.

i'm craving for rock. jam. in musical context.

amongst all, i want to thank God for letting me survive till this day. for my friends, espically those who really helped me alot. thank u gary for today, finally understand 25% of chem.













*i have to be focus. i've got to. its no more a choice. its a must. watch ur time plan girl. watch it. watch every move u make*