i dislike this yr. i dislike the marian this yr.

bowling team is going to crash. and i mean crash.
- no mr. lim
- no uncle jack to drill ur balls at tampines.
- new format
- recreational sport becoz we did not win anything this yr
- no intake of sec 1s nxt yr
- nxt yar must win at least a bronze or smth else better.



i hate it. juz had selections. under so much pressure. so much. 125 128 108. accordin to uncle jack, 150 avg is an auto into the team. i doubt i'll make it. argh. i've lost my touch. i duno. i really don't know.
this yr, everything seems so bad. dad, pls come back. damn. have i gotten over dad? have i? have i? have i?. smths hindering me this yr, and i can't seem to remove it. i keep telling myself its not my dad. ppl tell me that "marian.. u're a strong girl..".. are u guys really telling me the truth or juz encouraging me?

tml. hopelessly packed.
- meet mr lim.
- meet mrs sim.
- meet mrs lim.
- meet mdm shanti, aka vp.

mr lim wants to speak to me. regarding my studies. in addition, i heard that 1 person from my class, retained. i'm scared. i'm no fighter. someone or something has to bring out that freakin confidence. bowlin? issit really for me? or shall i juz stop and switch to music. totally.


i guess, today, i've officially stepped down as a capt. kinda sad. its demoralising. (congrats to shujing and zoe). i was actually hoping for donna, coz i really feel she has the potential. i duno. but i feel that i'm no role model. during prefects' interview, ppl keep saying.."u've gotta be a role model" and all the crap. reflecting on myself this yr? am i? am i? am i? i'm lost. i need a listening ear. my friends, i dun feel like pouring to them. why?

i'm vulnerable to influnces. for all u know, ms marian might go into a relationship, dies in studies and cca. har. that will b the day man. the turning point. the optinum side of me. har. was in the sbs bus, blasting myself with hillsongs. almost brokedown. infront of so many ppl coz i was sitting in the seat where the whole bus can see. thought about dad. he's gettin irritating. can he juz come back? can he? things will be much better. i wana get a job this 2 months at SIA... its juz the prob of time management. too little time. i'll get burnt out. plus, what about trng? backt ot bowling, if i dun get into nationals for nxt yr, i'm gonna quit bowling. not as in quit, but juz dun go for trngs. i'll go get uncle franics to train me, then take part in tournaments, make my name known and prove to the coaches.


one thing is, am i able to?

i wanna go sajc. through bowling. its getting further away. now i juz have to base on acadamic results, which is a defintie no. i'm loosing my focus and goals. i wanna get over and done wif and open my company.




i can't stand it. the world seems to be turning its back on me. everything is screwed. "Where will u be the day after tomorrow?". wad if ice age is coiming in like 24hrs. i'll b happy. i'll no longer be on earth.




one thing gd, heard from andrew, daniel lum can got express!. yay, poochie!.