this is getting scary.

i'm thinking of smth that totally go against the Bible. butch. marian, a butch? wth.

was picturing myself in big baggy pink collared shirt, grey cargo pants, big big skate-boarding shoes.

ho ho ho. i stop. to think. based on the Bible, somewhere in Phillippians.. homesexuality is bad and corrupted. then again, i dun really like wanna be a butch or wad. i juz wanna dress like them. har. little marian, who knows what can she be up to. where's that "marian.. u're a cheerful girl" kinda thing. no more man. no more.


i guess i'm experiencing spiritual dryness.


i've kinda stopped msging ppl nice msgs. oh well, some. i duno lehs. sec 4s is having practicals. gary, john, lydia, lorraine and all. i pray for them. but the prayers keep getting shorter. i know its not the length or wad so eva... i keep succumbing to my tiredness - to sleep.

speaking about slpin, i woke up at 6:33 am, rushed and reached sch at 7:23am. i'm late. well, not late for sch, but late for the prefects' time- 7:15.. plus, i even "nagged and harped" on the importance of being punctual blah blah blah during the last meeting. wad kind of exco is this lor.

tml got meeting. hopefully it'll end b4 3pm. into of new trainees and all. hopefully, wad i say will also be implemented on myself. being a leader and all the crap. in conjunction, tml is the selection, last 3 games. i'm scared deeply. mr lim toked to me today. he said. marian,.. i've seen ur eoy results.. so i said.. yar i know its bad. he replied." no, it is not. its very very bad and not gd at all. its not up to ur standard." i was like.. ok. now wad. mr joseph lim, now asking me to drop a subject. so mrs lim, walked passed by.. and then joined in the conversation.. and also encouraged me to do so.

hellos. argh. wth. here i am, trying to fight and come back. there goes my most trusted teacher, also telling me to indirrectly "quite the triple science game". HARS. NO, I'M NOT GOING TO. I WANT TO PROVE TO U PPL.



am i being too sensitive?. i dunn want to be juz a girl. i wanna be the extreme case of one. i hate being a girl. guys keep giving way to u. ppl keep using.."because u're a girl" kinda excuse to supress the consequences. wad only.




shall juz end here. feel so aunty, naggin and complain online. such loser.