work's been challenging.
it really forces me to be more patience and graceful.
and i'm really afraid that i'm starting to force myself to be ignorant.
talk less and listen even less.
do i really want that?? sigh. but sometimes its really just so depressing. to say that i'm frustrated is just an understatement.
anyway that aside, today, i got a call from airbus for an interview.
and guess what, i cant believe that i rejected it.
i applied for some maintenance planner... but i think they called me to ask if i'm interested for the business/contracts opening. i mean, i'm currently doing that and more of other stuff, so it would defeat the purpose of changing job right. but i still could have gone for the interview, sell myself and see what they have got to offer me also right; or rather see if i can really be useful. but i didnt.
at this point of time, i secretly think that i'm starting to buy the idea of staying where i am now.
there's really alot of mess for me to clear at the operational side. and i'm really taking this as personal challenges for me. i would probably need to do some study and simple analysis to further understand the situation and come up with improvements. in the process, i'm happy coz i can get to learn alot more of the technical aspect and gain the valuable experience. however unlike my poly days where we did PBL (problem-based learning) projects in a group, this time i'm doing it alone. at times, when i think of it, i feel the drive and excitement but however, i feel inadequate and afraid if i should fail. this is fairly important to the company because this is where the main bulk of the business lies and i really need to start saving it before someone else steals this part of the pie.
and while trying to do my best here, i'm still confusing myself with issues of my other plans. i'm starting to doubt myself, sometimes i do lose that kind of faith. and then, the million dollar question - what do i want?
some ppl tell me that everywhere i go is the same - ppl are unproductive and just like that. honestly, i beg to differ. you urself has been in 1 company all ur life. though u've probably worked with other clients and customers, u have not really moved around. for me, though i'm inexperienced, but with past experiences with internships, part-time jobs and every delivery / courier services, it is sufficient to allow me to believe that each company culture is unique. not every company is perfect, but every company has got their own strengths and weaknesses. ok, lets not talk about company culture here.
by staying where i am now, i've also been told of some of the positive prospects for me. but at this moment, i guess i'm just blindfolding myself. only if i can................ ya. nvm.
haha.
all in all, this is just like my love life. i guess i can never be settled, and probably always having my own excuse and reasons to move / stay. should i stay, i will want to move. should i move, i will want to stay. i always have my own reasoning and being firm to it. maybe this is becoming a bad habit in my life, always thinking that the grass is greener on the other side, never wanting to just settle down even if it is at its best. and since i'm never going to be satisfied with myself, i will never be satisfied. its not something that i dont want to change though. perhaps i just need to grow up and learn to give up issues graciously and stop being a perfectionist / idealist.
as there were many incidences today that really not only frustrated but confused me, i wanted to just give up, find a rich husband and get married to be a tai tai my whole life. instead of thinking about revenue / cost and improvement strategies, i can focus on which is the best time and place to buy fresh fish / what colour the bedsheet or curtain, which detergent is the most effective and so on. actually no, if i'm a rich tai tai, i think i wouldnt know what to do in all the free time. heh. so now, i really should start wearing skirts and nice shoes to the office. HAHA. good try.
u know, last sunday, was sooooooo super lazy that i nuaaeedd at home the wholleeeeee day. wanted to wash my bike, but like just nuaed. didn't read books or anything, just played ipad and watch youtube the whole freaking day. hahas. i watched the air crash investigation of AirFrance 447 again.. and picked up a few more learning points. the initial part of the accident is similar to the missing MH370, just that this one had a mayday call and stuff. but the pilot,.... reallly ah. cannot really blame him. but really... communication is key. also, it made me love the Boeing design of aircrafts more than the Airbus. it did re-ignited the burning of flame of my interest in Boeing's fleet again since most of the time i'm working on the airbus planes now.
and anyway, i love David Learmount. i like his objective thought processes and how he is able to explain so complicated things to make it look so clear and easy. his comments on nat geo air crahs shows really left an impression on me. googled him and read some of his articles/ blog on flight global. he's one guy i wanna be when i grow up. objective and clear. even if the situation is so ambiguous, he's still able to make some kind of stand.
ok. actually today i dont really feel like blogging coz i wanna slp early. feeling very mentally drained from today's mental usage and exploitations.
but..................................... ok. i think i should stop here. ya....
ya.
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