friday was BBQ/chalet at pasir ris. 118 Pasir Ris Road.. its raymond's PSA chalet. ahahas. was fun to catch up with them as always. finally got to catch up with yusin and andass. couldn't stay coz of sat's league.
and so, the usual WTL saturday.
one of the worst wks for me.
for the Women's game, though we won, we really played like shit. honestly, i felt that my opponents deserved to win more. i got a penalty for tracking on defense. not blaming anyone, but if i really dont know who to take on on defence coz no ones talking, i'd rather make that penalty than to let them score in a try.
and because of penalties like such and offsides, we were like in our danger zone for at least a good 6-7 mins. SUPER frustrating. so much so that it was my first time screaming on the field out of anger and frustration. but luckily, not at anyone but to the ground.
throughout the game. i just felt that some of us were very selfish. period.
i mean like in a game like touch, if u're gg to be individual and totally not getting the point of teamwork, the team's not gg to get anywhere.
after that, was the mixed game.
same thing.
but just more drastic. coz it was the semis. not only i caused a penalty, but i got sin-binned for phantom-touch following that; with lead the team to a 5 v 6 situation for about 5 mins.
the score was 9-2. to them. it's not just about that. we played them twice in the league. first, we lost them 6-4. then we won them 4-3. now, it's 9-2.
at my corner during my sin-binned, i really did some reflections. ahahas. ok. phantom-touch in a game is that when on defence, you called a touch but did not really effect it. i.e...u call 'touch' but no touch lah. the man broke through, i covered. he scored. i shouted touch. but he dived when my hand reached that area of displacement. everyone thought i touched. my players, the opponents, the person i defended and even the ref. but then when the ref asked me again before awarding the try "did you make the touch?" my mind had a picture of pui-shan (one of the most respected touch player in my heart for her passion, pure integrity and sportsmanship), i said "no". and then, i was red-carded. and then regretted.
i mean i could have lied.
so yea, during that 5 mins. i really did reflect.
honesty.
what's its value.
is it worth it? if the team losses not because of skill but because of honesty, does that really matter? i really questioned myself. but eventually, i had to admit and accept my principles that integrity, honesty and sportsmanship is really priceless. even if it means to suffer the consequences and paying a price for it, what ever the amount, it should be worth it.
after half-time, though i felt that we did try hard to make a comeback, after about less than 10mins into the game, i felt that some of us were slowly giving up the fight. including myself.
to me, it was such a massive inner underlying feeling of heavy disposition. disappointed.
and true enough, during the debriefing, the captain led out a pause and said "i felt that some of us gave up during the game." that supported my feeling much. "that's not how our club plays and more so, that's not the reason why Team Awesome plays together and had the great season the last time round. why we enjoyed last season is coz we played as a team, supported each other, and utilized our strengths to over our weaknesses. that's how we're Awesome" somewhat along that lines.
totally ripped it out of my heart.
but for that moment i was just lost for words, buried in my disappointment.
and after that, i went home.
and got ready for a wedding.
nice family wedding. at the Chevrons.
good for the gathering of my mother's side of the family.
then. was the class chalet.
drank.
was wasted.
got to know the classmates one more level up.
hahas.
reluctantly stayed over knowing that i want to do well for trng the next day.
and went back at 10am.
otw back from sembawang to bedok, had 'pitstops' to drink hot milo and soyamilk to recover asap.
slpt.
and off to trng at 3pm.
felt that my mind was attached to my body with a spacious weak force of attraction.
did a few mistakes.
and during the circuit trng, i really couldn't push myself further from being comfortably working hard.
then drills. and for the final interval runs, i felt that my soul have left my body.
we did 3 sets (of the supposed 4) of 2 x 400m. timings were taken. for the 3, my timing did improve each set. i felt that i did try to push myself, but i could really afford to do abit more. i think the fastest girl's timing was like half of mine. and she's in the recovering phase of a complete mcl injury- worse than mine.
sometimes i think i need to train for training.
and i need to find was to be a mentally stronger person. i dont give myself excuses. but sometimes i think i tend to be over logical.
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