i am (going to be) BACK!

wah. super duper happy today.

probably the most alive i've ever felt.

after sch, i went to the gym. wanted to just do upper body since i'm gg to be running and all in the evening. but felt damn onz about working my legs as well. did all the stuff. felt abit tired, but still looking forward to head down to TP for the usual fun touch that i've been missing out for the past 3 months.

wah. when i reached tp, saw the girls.

damn happy.

its been tooo long since i've seen them and to just have a good game of touch.

before the game, was still a little apprehensive about taking it too far. so i did like 3x 100m sprints full out, lotsa agility work with the ladders, squats, back paddling / stepping n all round the field. all just to prepare myself for the worst. ahhahas.

though i was half catching my breath, i felt damn good about it. one of the rare few moments that i was craving for fitness badly.

i've never felt so happy to be so tired.

fun touch was so fun. 

i realized the way i played the game changed a little. 

after 3 months of forcing myself to sit out of all games and trngs, visually, i guess i was learning as well. i felt that my dms improved abit and more composure when it comes to 2v1 during game play.

but my lines of run weren't as sharp and alot of hesitation to call for a play. but nonetheless, to come back on the field, some more with my good ol' teammates was probably the best feeling ever for the year of 2012. 

so, patience and self-discipline really pays off.

and i think the greater part of tonight's run was that though i felt myself being very physically exhausted, i had no intention to stop playing till the lights go out. it was really a good feeling. and if i can rmbr correctly, i've never felt this way before in my whole touch career. i guess i was too easy on myself in the past seeking excuses for a better way out, never really appreciating every moment of having that privilege and ability to play. so i guess when that privilege was taken away for 3 months, it was really a lesson learnt. a hard and costly one, but i hope its the beginning of good things.

of course, my physio doc has been seriously warning me about gg back to the sport especially when it comes to rugby. coz the Grade III tear leaves me with just 10% of MCL left in my right knee.

if i should be unprepared for fight or flight situations, anytime, it will just give way forever, together with the meniscus and ACL. and that's really irreversible. an op can only do that much.

well, today's run also did show signs tt some areas need to be improved on. because on the same leg, my right ankle has a history of an ATFL tear, thus, it has to work even harder to not just for itself, but to compensate for the MCL's looseness. 

however, having said tt, after today's runs and effort, doubts of gg back to playing contact rugby were dampened abit. (:

i'm really looking forward to coming back harder, faster and stronger.

and be not afraid.

i always tell myself that if i can overcome my weaknesses, it becomes my strength.

its not a quote from anyone famous or what, but it's from all the past experiences and failures that led me to this statement.

of course. all these mental positivity wouldn't mean anything if i dun get down to practically doing some strengthening on my own. i'm really looking forward to work hard.

i really shouldn't be afraid of being tired because pain is weakness leaving the body. some may say to take pain as fuel for performance. 

also for the past 3 months, because i've been cutting down on the carbs (since the total elimination of strenuous activites on my lifestyle), i think it has proven to be easier on my knees tonight. i've been hiting on the gym to build upper body and hence, the weight loss = weight gain. but i think its good upper body mass. my core still wobbly and not strong enough to ease the load on my knees; so i think i've still got a long way to go to get back to where i've left off and even stronger now.

ahhas. feelin' likka #101sportsquotes now. but hey. hope this helps whoever is reading this now.

took this picture today. i captioned it as "Goal" since its the goal post with the sun. ahhahahs.
corny but apt ok. hahas. and arty farty somemore.

today's been a good day for me.
not just about the whole sports stuff. i'm being reminded that God listens.
u know ppl always say to trust in God. but really, what does it really mean?
like how we all know what Hebrews 11:1 says about faith:

"Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance in what we do not see" 

(NIV)

"To have faith is to be sure of things we hope for, to be certain of the things we cannot see"

(Good News Translation)

for me these 3 months has been indeed, a long time.
but i really thank God. it forces me out some time and space not just for myself, but for God. because the focus on my worldly desires was taken out of focus, it was easier for me to put God back in focus. of course, that's not very nice for me to do that. just because i'm free then i go seek Him.
but no la.

in these 3 months, i did ask alot of questions and realize, it really doesn't matter if u really put in some effort for a change to cast all ur cares and worries upon Him. coz He's damn steady. He'll settle it for you, but in His time which we'll never really know beforehand.
and this period to when 'he answers ur prayer' would probably the most trying of times. and really all u can do is to really just trust that you're in good Hands and be obedient and discipline about it.
y worry? why be a martha instead of a mary. ahhas. (not bad, after being so away from the bible, i'm still able to throw in some biblical knowledge) hahas.


of course, because i'm happy now, its easy for me to say all that.
the challenge is when facing tough times and in those moments i want to give up; am i still really able to say all these and blog a super positive post like such? that's a challenge for not just me, but to whoever is reading this.



#challengeaccepted.

"No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it."

(NIV) 

"No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it."

(ESV)

That's my God and His promise to me. (:

anyways.
like what i've always wanted, for God to be with me while i train. and when i work hard, its not just for me and for the respective clubs, but for the opportunity that i can give all glory to Him.

i also hope that this new spark can help me burn out my negative past and take away things that dont matter; empty thoughts that are worthless; spend more time on things that worth my time and effort because it's also His time.
thank u all for ur prayers.
i've officially got 1 more month to be deemed as 'recovered'. but from the looks of it, it'll be real soon. the WTL league is gg to be a good goal for me since it'll start about end Aug. i've almost a full month to step my fitness level and be back stronger.


thank you for giving me opportunity and lesson. i mean its abit hard to thank You for a torn ligament. but i thank You for the lessons learnt that comes along with it.
no one said that its ever gg to be easy, but walking with You is gg to just put things in a good picture.
(:


looking forward to very very achy tight thigh and calf muscles tmr!
hahas