Survival as an opportunity cost

today's one kind of a day.


i went to see docs.
Sparky went to see his too.



finally got referred.
irritated that the next govt appointment is 18 june. would have died by then.
next private appt is 8 may, 2 days before depature. see for what.
and in the good name of insurance claim, i settled for a specialist- 26 april.


finally changed engine oil and filter. as adviced "ur engine is close to getting burnt up"
i mean like, i should think of the big picture rather than trying to save some $8
tyres getting illegally botak. chain is getting cranky.
needa save up $$ for a big next change.



finally saw a chiropractor.
off the road event. quite good.
and sorta visually confirmed my mcl tear with his experience.




afternoon sun was hot like oven.
and nightlife was upzz with happs lightning.
my heat-inspired twit for the day: "Omg. Hotz. Wanna try bakin? Wear a helmet n ride arnd cars shootin out black gas frm their pathetic exhaust.Exact replica of bakin in e oven"
To think that my creative sense-of-humor cells were not being fried and cooked up by the sun.



trng was still on.
and there i was, sitting there.
there's all i could do.




and still, irritated, never seem to be getting what I've been trying to be put through;
never seem to be learning to be positively resilient about things.
its not that i want to wallow myself up in self-pity. but trying to digest seems.... useless.



was thinking. why try so hard.
some fight so hard to work and survive.
and what am i doing, putting in so much emotions into something that dont necessarily reap up tangible cash that's more practical in every sense.

" (Some) were thrown together by a mutual need to survive. (Some) know that other's survival means our own death. How do you sidestep that?" -Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games

how apt that i read these lines today.
how apt that the word 'sidestep' was used.

its been long since i've said this and i didn't / wouldn't think i'd be ever saying it about you again;

i need you.