BRFC Carwash!

well done ladies and gentlemen!
think we've washed at least about 30-40 cars? hahas

apart from the fundraising efforts, i thought that it was also a good time for Blacks as a club on a whole. (:
and i have to mention Uncle ___.. i can't rmbr his name! hahas. from church / old boy / rugger also. he donated $50 before his car wash, and another $50 after the wash. amen. hahas

thank u church peeps for all ur cars and $10! it was indeed an honour to wash them shiny!
esp godma and godpa! and zhengJoNoah! hahas (:

7.30am - 2pm.




then trng.

again, in denial.
got myself booted up all, and of course, can't train at all. ahhahas.
damn bored. damn sad. felt likka slugg at one corner.




so that was it for today.  and my knee is aching!






whahas. so.
u were here today!
as far as i can rmbr, today's probably the longest period of time (8hrs) tt we were within 20m of vicinity of each other in a same event. hahas. i think we spoke once.. hahas. but i cant rmbr what coz it was so insignificant. (signs of improvement! - i dun have to rmbr every single thing about you). hahhahas.


whole time, i think i find myself secretly trying to avoid u; eye contact or spacial distance wise. hahas. heck it. infact, maybe i'm sensitive, but i secretly think that u're at it as well. ahhas.
godma and godpa came. and omg. they did a very casual suggestion of... "hey, since ___'s son's here as well, why dont you go take a photo with him with my car? then we also ask someone to take a photo for the 4 of us".
wah. my heart was crying out loud- BIG JOKE ah. dun do this to me can. and i defended with an almost immediate reflex response, "aiyo! its ok la! i just wanna take with u all nice nice can alrdy". hahas. and my sidestep worked.
i'm pretty sure u heard the whole conversation though ur' back's against us; coz u were like just 3m infront of us. hahas.


bye bye.

rugby ready?

today's the Rugby Ready course for girls who wanna play contact rugby but have no experience.
happy to see the girls enjoy themselves.
though the sun was hot, was glad that we all enjoyed ourselves. (:

for those who missed out the course. TOO BAD. hahas
it was really a great opportunity to get to know rugby.
hahas. no worries la. i mean there are more opportunities to come from the union.


i did try to do some dynamic stretches and light jogs. HAH. couldn't go past the first one: high knee lifts. but i did try to not be so cautious about my knee today, but really, it was all out to prove it more of a hinderance than anything.

it's aching quite abit now and the swell is up again. ): it's got fever. hahas.
still frustrating as it can be since it's been more than a week arldy. surprisingly, the bruise is still there. bruises usually go away after 4-5 days for me. haiz.

anyway.
was looking at S today.
its been a looong time since i've saw here. she's a super experienced player. and by saying that, its probably still an understatement about the passion she has for the game. in fact, she's one of the pioneers of Singapore Womens' Rugby who has achieved more that what the nation has expect of them to do.
really.
was looking at her.. giving an introduction of rugby to very new, fresh young blood. as she spoke about safety of the sport, u could see her seriousness and sincerity from her eyes. for me, it was a moment. HAHAHHAS.
i mean like, its really 过来人 . she's been through alot. her injuries... probably comparable to that of a frontline soldier. but i think the one big injury that impacted her life is her knee injuries which really took alot away. the doc had probably told her to put a stop to the game. and for her, we all know that it's not just a game, but probably to adapt to another kind of lifestyle.

i'm in no position to say so much about her life and all. but all i can say is that i'm sure, she's inspired many girls to pick up the sport. and though her injuries may have stop her physically, i dont think mentally, it has.

will be praying for her tonight. she's one tough chic though. but just pray for her to use that inner strength of hers to press on towards whatever she believes in. (:

and. i'm freaking sad. 

coz tonight was the Energizer Night Trail run. signed up for it. excited for it. but........... ):

UGH. i know it would have been a great run.

detours

the whole wk is just about seeing docs.
and including a chiropractor.


for some reason, i miss you.
maybe its just the knee.




on some nights, i really feel like drinking recklessly to give me some form of courage and strength, reason and excuse, just to msg u and call u up just to say a 'hello, how are u' thing.



some nights after trainings, though i know u've moved house, i'd sometimes take a detour and ride slowly past ur old estate. where'd we used to hang out and just spent our lives talking about many things.
i look at those chairs. the playground. up at ur old house in the direction of ur room, knowing that u're no longer there, but still with some form of excitement brewing when i see ur room lights on.



u're still that void.
i've no idea what u've done to me to make me fall so deep.
now that u're out of it,
i'm just an empty pit.

hello. i am broke

o.m.g.

i've spent almost $1000 today. and i've gained nothing out of it.
$600 MRI + $42 GST.
and consultation's $137?!


siaow bo.


ok. MRI scan cannot blame.
but the consultation is.................. .
google says it better. and my friends give more practical advice though the doc's one the best coz it's all textbook. but ok. he's a great doc and all.

but amen to Great Eastern. for all ruggers should have at least an accident and emergency insurance.
so i can get CLAIM.
meanwhile, i am damn broke.


and ok. its been a full week that i've not exercised. not even light jogs. can't even cycle or fake cycle at the gym at least. i feel likka pig. can't even swim or smth. i'm gg to rot.
hahas. and i've got a medical excuse slip for light duties till June . hahas. wts.

and in 1 wk, i've sit out like 4-5 trngs? damn sad lifestyle.
it really feels like having some force of imprisonment to a certain extent.
its actually some form of effective time-out though. sometimes, i do get a really clearer picture of the drills and the good points of it.
looking back, on those times where i'm all fit and physically ready to go, sometimes, i have to honestly sat that i have that part of me that is afraid when it comes to 1 on 1 tackling drills.
game situation is different for me i guess. coz i'm somewhat more ready and onz to put my body on the line literally. i think i needa have this mentally to do so in trng, then i can then do well for the game right. make sense?


this is perhaps, the cause of my injury. bluntly put it, i dont take trainings as serious as games.
i mean like, come on. i'm pretty sure i'm not alone on this.



ok. and really apologies for being so emo this wk.
to a point where i can say that i was also very irritated with myself.
sorry. and thank you.


i duno what got over me. i really think its the bloody female shit that's take on its toll. literally. HAHAS. get it? HAHAHS. ok. not funny.
ahhas. i mean to look back and not know why i'm so touchy, actually gives me a reason eventually now that i'm 'clearer' headed. so thank victims who might have fallen prey to my hostile way of msging unlike how i usually do.



having said that, i'm still -___-" to sit out during trngs.
i've reallly planned to rest for a few days more and really tape up well and play the games in HK.
pls pray for me. pray that my meniscus will be good and it should be good now.
pray for my MRI results. i mean what's done's done alrdy. but pray that its a MAJOR STRAIN or some  sort and no tear pls.

shaved, and too close a shave

gd to be in TP today.
really felt some form of happiness when i was able to have lunch with dickson and suan.
hahaha. and met the 2 naughty collegues from cisco.
TP is somewhat expanding within its premises. very awesome.


had some x-rays today.
got Fined $25 for not parking in a lot (duration: 20mins). no bike lot avaliable at Cine's open carkpark. objective is to go Orchard Building which is now known as the H&M building. hahas.

attempted Tap today.
was good actually.
but knee swelled up #likkaboss after tt.
(secret) ballet was an impossible task. can't even clear barre work. hahas. i can't even straighten my legs to walk btw.
damn irritated.



otw home.
almost got killed.
u know at those moments where traffic starts to drastically slows down on the PIE and for some reason, cars on lane1 ALWAYS seem to desperately wanna change to lane 2 immediately. based on experiences, i always put on extra guard when it comes to such situations and will slow down.
so as usual, bikes usually travel inbetween the lane. rarely that bikes will just stay in the lane unless usually got pillion la.

THEN.
this BLACK MAZDA CAR.
suddenly cut the lane out. and as usual, NO SIGNAL NO INCHING OUT or smth. just whack only. as if there's no cars of lane 2. and what's more worse, I was right the way of it.
thank God i was quick enough to blow out a LOUD LONG horn.
and because...
the car in lane 2 also horned in irritation and braked.
the car infront of that irritating car also braked (due to its front car)
the stupid black mazda car really had to choice but to JAMM BRAKE.
hahs.
it was so bad, that i saw his whole car jerked, as if it's gg to fly from the sudden applied inertia.
and seemingly to make things more dramatic, lotsa white smoke from his tyres. sure kenna tyre burn.


but really, THANK GOD. that made the car stop immediately, i was able to swerved out safely and back in.
and then, once the adrenaline wore off, that oh too familiar chill down my spin follows.
the same one when i saw through my mirror that the motorbike behind me hit the taxi which did the same thing as today's black car last yr; which i also swerved out and thank God, no car on lane 2.




for some reason, these few days, i seem to be in the blindspot or some sort. i dont drive a car. but after 2 yrs on the road, i do have some form of experience to know where the blindspots are.
and it seems that though i'm clearly visible from at least ur side-view mirror or even at times, just out from ur window, u stupid cars wanna try and push me out of my lane / hit me even.
in between lane also canoot.
in the lane also cannot.
on road shoulder also cannot.
where u tell me. where.
bloody irritated.
the world should just be motorbikes or bicycles.

sometimes there are nicer cars who would horn with me. as if to help me amplify my frustration. so, thank you. but all u blind drivers who's either using the phone (and worst still, while changing lane), or brainless female drivers, u can help save a life by at least opening ur eyes and be visibly logical about driving.









irritated much today.





so when i reached my home's carpark, i just wanted to call you through my phone and vent all my frustrations for the day. u know, u're just a dial away. i dun even need to go to the phonebook section to dial ur no. its all in my head.

but i didn't.
kept my cool.

took the lift up home. sat on the sofa to keep calm, and thank God that i was able to sit down and tweet out my frustrations.

in the red dot

u rmbr he NSF boy that passed on recently?



first news: as another 18 yrs old boy.
then it become my friend's friend, same age.

another friend's friend and it goes on.

and also found out tt he just passed his 21st bday less than a wk.

then oh, from sports school man.


then, another NSF victim from TP.


and now, omg. one of my good friend's bf.
and she's one tmd nice girl. as in like if-i'm-a-boy-i-sure-fall-for-her kind.


couldnt' help to view his fb and true enough, we've got 67 friends in common.
to me, its damn sad to know that at least 67 of friends are in grief.
+ the 2 parents.
and then the family members



sigh.




:'(





stay strong babe.

Katniss Everdeen

from the Hunger Games.
before u start thinking this is all fantasy stuff, this picture is not about it all.
She's just hunting; for her family; taking over the role of her late dad since the age of 11.

Katniss Everdeen.


the life she led in poverty doesn't give her all that choice to choose how she wanna live her life ya.
she posseses such great inner strength that she doesn't know of it.
all that survival skills she has from her daily hunting makes her so versatile and independent.
she clings on to the hope she has for others.
when i think of her, i just think of 2 words: 'strength' and 'independent'.



with such great sense of independence, she's yet dependent.
in the book, where its all written first person language, it portrays out all her thoughts and struggles. this is when it starts to get personal and somewhat relatable to me.
whenever there's a guy around, in that strong feministic outer-shell there's probably this inner girl in her that needs some sort of protection, security and assurance. she doesn't ask for it and neither does she reveals any form of clues of that need, not even the slightest micro evidence. i probably think its an inner need that she consciously tries to deny of it; but went presented, there's some sort of acceptance and to an extent, satisfaction.


i think that's how most girls are.
no matter how tom-boyish u are, or even to an extent of being a butch/bunk u seem to be, i still think there's this inner girl. female hormones are still present.
and i think that as much as u deny it, refuse it, even to a point of resentment, when presented out of a good sincere heart, i still think it would melt that metal shield of urs.



and of course, having said that, it's situational based.




in singaporean Asian context, i guess we can see the shift in roles of women. more women are sharing the role of the bread-winner of the family, together with the husband. and in some families, there can even be a complete shift where the husbands quit their job and let their wives take on the responsibility since she may be more well-paid. i mean i'm just generalizing it. in Singapore, we're starting to see this more so for a number of reasons.

mainly, the direct cause which i think it is, is the age at when people marry.
in the past, generally, its usually a marriage of an older man and a younger male. long long long ago, age differences can be as far as 15 yrs. now, we see the narrowing of the age gap, and even reversing it. i.e now, its common for a girl to marry someone who's like 4-5 yrs younger.

several reasons.

2 yrs of NS? because of that 2 yrs in service of the country at the expense of time for education, women in singapore can get that 2 yrs of headstart in their career. so for example, if a couple since secondary sch moves on, eventually, by right, the girl would be higher in positional rank in the workplace. more seniority, means more money. more money mean good. means, the husband can/ should quit his job and start doing the cooking and kids job. hahhaas.



also, the way how the Singaporean kids are being brought up.
competitive. money. climbing the corporate ladder.
having to have enough first to settle down is probably in the minds of 80% of serious going couples.

ppl always say it takes at least a million dollars before the child finishes secondary school.



source: SGpersonalfinance


people wanna work hard for a better life.
and in the process, more often than not, the goal and purpose gets diluted and forgotten. by the time we realize it, its all too late. and then the govt starts to complain that we're not producing kids.
the govt should start pushing for healthy marriages instead. i see marriage and having kids as 2 separate things. really no point pushing married couples to give birth if they dont have that financial courage to.
with a larger pool and source of happily wedded couples, it makes more sense to then push for the kids.
simple la. bigger pool. more fishes. right?
rather than forcing all the fishes to multiply themselves.


and it then brings to.. how children are being brought up.
the kind of drive that parents and teachers bring to the kids.
what society sees as valuable.
what beliefs and principles do young singaporeans hold.


everything in relation. its all relative.


right now, its not that bad la. hahas. i think its more of a shared responsibility and pushing all the responsibilities of the in-laws masking it with the enjoyment of finally having that grandma/pa status.
i guess its just like many developed countries: low fertility and ageing population.
hahas. since its like that, might as well tap on the aging population to take care of the kids while the father mother slogg themselves out at work and fight for the wkend to spend time with their kids.
really. what's more important? or rather, who relies on what?
kid on parents? parents on money which all goes to the kids? let's just say tt its just a vicious cycle.
and it takes about 30 good years to reverse it when the kid starts to have that ability to pay back their parents and start another vicious cycle themselves.





ok. funny how i can lead The Hunger Games to Katniss Everdeen and then to sg's govt and population control.




so back to Katniss Everdeen, she's the girl that does it all.
i think the themes and issues in the book should be discussed in a literature class at secondary school level. i think it could be more useful over social studies in this area right. hahhas.



and as for me,  going through this self-percieved 'tough time', i really should cancel out the option of being pessimistically optimistic. hahas.
the human mind is just one piece of grey matter in contradiction with each other la.
its really the principles that governs the actions that we eventually take.
i see principles as a set and in-built mutual agreement between the heart and mind, like what we call a SOP- Standard Operating Procedures- wont and should go wrong when rightfully set.


can ignorance be a form of strength?
it sounds more like running away right. but one would also need a type of strength to face away the problem and see the major prob as something no bigger than a size of an ant right.
in layman's term, ignore my mcl tear and just treat it as a sprain and continue training; but of course, still taking care of myself.



ok. i also wanna talk abit about leadership. my kind of leadership.
u know when i was younger, i pretty much believed that i was born to lead. HAHAHS.
not much as the kind of leaders that we deem are so when we become adults.
i mean like as a kid, i rmbr i was just being proactive and got really frustrated when no one takes ownership. that wastes time. everybody's time. and to be inefficient means to go home late, means to have lesser play time. hahas. i was pretty driven much by productivity in my context. hahas.


so thus, i really had lotsa opportunities to literally be a leader. class monitor, captain, prefect, and eventually being a exco prefect and a captain at the same time. no, not here to boast, but be thankful for the opportunities that i've been given. that kind of space and room for error that has managable repercussions if things are not dealt properly. and through that, i think i've really gain alot of experiences and moulding to the marian i am today. and sometimes, as confidence level varies, it may be perceived as arrogance or incompetent. really, u can't please everyone. and being ignorant about possess some form of strength and not just purely escapism.
hahas. back to the area of leadership, if i can run away from it, i will.
hahas.


seriously. i dread having everyone's responsibilities on my shoulders. i like be the follower. y put in so much energy and get the complaints from ppl who dont understand. hahas. and i'm usually one of the one who complains. but of course, with much thought process and effort to it ok. i secretly like to challenge leaders for the good of everyone. but also, with politically-correct submission to authority.



i think i'm at this 'should-be' comfortable age, having both mentalities as a youth and adult.
still crafting out my ideologies and beliefs. i guess once i become more mature, principles may be more grounded and shakeable. good or not, it really all depends.



aiya. everything is debatable la. i can really go on. but its 1am and i've not bathe for the day.
and omg. i'm thinking alot right now.

Survival as an opportunity cost

today's one kind of a day.


i went to see docs.
Sparky went to see his too.



finally got referred.
irritated that the next govt appointment is 18 june. would have died by then.
next private appt is 8 may, 2 days before depature. see for what.
and in the good name of insurance claim, i settled for a specialist- 26 april.


finally changed engine oil and filter. as adviced "ur engine is close to getting burnt up"
i mean like, i should think of the big picture rather than trying to save some $8
tyres getting illegally botak. chain is getting cranky.
needa save up $$ for a big next change.



finally saw a chiropractor.
off the road event. quite good.
and sorta visually confirmed my mcl tear with his experience.




afternoon sun was hot like oven.
and nightlife was upzz with happs lightning.
my heat-inspired twit for the day: "Omg. Hotz. Wanna try bakin? Wear a helmet n ride arnd cars shootin out black gas frm their pathetic exhaust.Exact replica of bakin in e oven"
To think that my creative sense-of-humor cells were not being fried and cooked up by the sun.



trng was still on.
and there i was, sitting there.
there's all i could do.




and still, irritated, never seem to be getting what I've been trying to be put through;
never seem to be learning to be positively resilient about things.
its not that i want to wallow myself up in self-pity. but trying to digest seems.... useless.



was thinking. why try so hard.
some fight so hard to work and survive.
and what am i doing, putting in so much emotions into something that dont necessarily reap up tangible cash that's more practical in every sense.

" (Some) were thrown together by a mutual need to survive. (Some) know that other's survival means our own death. How do you sidestep that?" -Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games

how apt that i read these lines today.
how apt that the word 'sidestep' was used.

its been long since i've said this and i didn't / wouldn't think i'd be ever saying it about you again;

i need you.

on somedays, i really feel like i'm gg to be killed a motorcycle accident that's not my fault.



choytouchwoodprayformeihopeitwillnevereverhappencozidunwantmotherpoontobealoneandsendmeofffirst.really.

AOB

in formal meetings, AOB stands for 'Any Other Business'.


today's church's AGM.
many things that should be clear were very grey. it was my first agm under new Pastor. hhaas.
so obviously, i was just very.... uncomfortable with certain issues.
of course, time (duration of the AGM) is a factor but is should not be an excuse to put aside matters can can and should be address on the spot. at least try and give a better excuse?

whatever la. so many things are not within my control. many members are also stuggling.
hahas. but, i have to say i'm damn proud of myself to bravely pluck out courage from idk where and walk up to the mic and spoke my stand. lotsa pointers i wanted to bring it out, but with my raging mind and scattered points, i could only shoot out those that were prominent. so yes. hope that i've laid out some helpful grounds for the members to substantiate and amplify our cries. hahhas.


after that, went trng.
i know i couldn't train since i couldn't even walk. but still, you know, u're still gg to bring that boots of urs, trying to catch some unrealistic glimpse of hope. hahas. in total denial.
put on my boots, put and my knee guard and all ready to go and...... great. - they were doing 1 v 1. ahhas. its like purely on agility and skills and aka. knees and ankles. attempts to participate would just be suicidal for my knee.

dammit.


so at the side, felt so useless, helpless, irritated and sian.
many thoughts.


looking at how the girls train, actually, u can really see some technical goodness out of it. i mean like, u know u've gotta lock ur defender to make a successful 2 v 1 right. and it really means that. even if u make an effort to twist ur hips abit and commit the defender, no matter what the space, as long as ur defender is off-footed, sure through one.

there was even assessment today.
nv in my life will i miss an assessment, even if i'm sick, i'll still draggg my body down and go through it. but this is different la. cannot, means cannot. no other way out.



and u know, many of my teammates and friends suffer from knee injuries. i'd always thought that since i've been through a partially torn ankle ligament, should be about the same feeling as knee right. but i was wronnggg. u really wouldn't understand the pain and inconvenience if u're never in it. no matter how similar, different is different. i wanted to do like some core work or at least push up. tmd, with a knee thats unable to be bent or bear some kind of weight in a horizontal position, there's not much i can do but just sit ups.


freakin frustrating.




really pls pray. gg to see the doc tmr to get a referral to go back to cgh sports med.
everyone's probably not gg to be surprised to see me back again.  but really. before the MRI can confirm anything, i seriously pray that its nothing and i should be able to run, sidestep all again in 3 wks. plsss. i'm willing to start giving up at least 10 mins of my sleeping time to start doing my quiet time again. ahhas. vs a chop chop less than 30 sec prayer. ahahs.


hahahs. and what's more embarrassing, u went for trng today.
zomg. i'm sure, though we didn't communicate, u saw my plight. sitting there all alone beside the water container. not a sight that i would want u to behold right.


ugh.

frustratinggggg.



ok la. i'm really sorry if i sound over exaggerated.
so, sorry to all the acl/ pcl /meniscus victims. these are ligaments than needs op. and mine is just not-that-bad.
according to my knowledge, mcl dun need. (: but if its partially torn, i means at least 3 months out.
honestly, i'm damn sad. because 3 months would mean missing the entire 7s season and countless learning opportunities.   (yea, and i rmbr like last month, i was saying something like 'hmm. thank god that i've only got ankle probs. knee probs sure jia lat. hope i dont get it) this kind of karma thing cannot say.




UGH. frustrating. this whole wk sucks.
i think the only thing that saved the week was that i just watched Hunger Games with lydia in a couple seat of Cathay at amk.

meanwhile, pls donate to my BMT-F: Buy Marian Tape Fund.

wolverine

o.m.g

it came to a realization that i'm gg Hong Kong for a tournament in less than 3 wks time.
i need a miracle.
i want to be wolverine.
(its not always about the signature 3 long claws. its the power of immediate self-healing can. + a bonus of no scar left behind + #forever21. )


thou shall sleep and with thee new born sunlight, thy MCL shall reunite and in faith, thou shalt be up and running on the field when the next sun's up straight in the middle.


hahas. in english, i shall sleep tmr and by tmr morng, the partially torn ligaments may join together just in time for my afternoon trng tmr. hahahahs.



can't believe it. ALWAYS like that.
i dont want to travel like 3000km just to sit on the bench.
just like Jan 2011 15s HK's pre-season games. and Aug 2012 Laos' trip.
even as i recall back those trip, i still feel very bitter about it. train so hard. pay so much. and in the end, instead of getting more game experience, i get more experience as a watergirl. ): how sad can.


plsplsplsplsplsplspls.no.more.

Sparky and i

i feel like writing about my relationship with Sparky tonight. hahas. 

wait. 

the million dollar question: why 'Sparky'. ikr. damn corny. i know la. hahahs. bo bian, unless u can suggest a better name on the haunted chat box *points to the right*. Yamaha Spark 135. so thus, Sparky.  when i got the bike, i didn't know if it was a she/he. hahas. maybe coz at that time i was..... ok nvm. HAHHS. dun let ur thoughts run wild pls.

but after awhile, i see it as a he more often than not. i guess coz we've developed a mutual relationship, mutually protecting each other.... siol. hahhas.

ok. back to the point of why i suddenly wanna blog about Sparky...

i guess its because of the nightmare i had last night. damn weird, but damn realistic. hahahs. all i rmbred was illegally parking around city hall / raffles area.. but the road sign in my dream (for some ?reason) showed "Syed Alwi Rd". hahahhas. maybe its coz i'v always nv knew how to pronounce this road name (had to go GoogleMaps to confirm the spelling) and also due to the recent attempts to learn conversational malay with my cisco mates. hahas. we'll nv know how the brain works in our slumber right. 

ok. lets continue.

so yes. i illegally parked there coz i was rushing for a play/meeting/some atas event. hahahs. then the dream fast fwd to the end of the event. i rushed out hoping to not see the infamous white slip on my bike. hahas. but yes, (like all nightmares, the climax starts with...) to my horror, i saw that my bike got crashed!!!! it was right out of the side of the road to the main road. the whole front part got smashed. it was probably a hit a run. but it was damn weird coz not only the front was so badly smashed, there were bits of pieces of glass, wires, and... a car bumper.

HAAHHAS. stupid. but yes.

(ok. at this point, i duno why u guys are still reading my this post coz it makes no sense. just scroll past this. hahas. i'm just in self-entertainment. hahhas)

then i saw a white a4 paper on the basket... on it was a coloured image of my smashed bike and some words which i can't recall. but for some reason, i found myself searching and searching for something/someone.

went back to the place, it seems like Raffles Hotel. then while searching, i got distracted by this damn chio hotel staff. then i lost the white paper. then i got lost. then i can't find my bike.

then the whole dream went on with me searching for the way / the white paper / the chio staff / the offender / the TP... idk what. HAHHAHAS. then i was awake by my aching knee and cough.

so yea. that was my pointless subtle nightmare.

so yes.  the relationship between sparky and i... how tight. hahas

really. it saves me alot of $$ and sleeping hours. i get to sleep like 1hour+++ more. its like if work starts at 730, i can wake up at 710am and still be early for morning breakfast. hahas

and no such thing as a bad jam. 

i mean there is, not it wont affect me more than a difference of 20mins i suppose. ok la. depending on situation. sometimes in a some type of accident jams, it seems like all cars start to go haywire and start switching lanes as if there's no cars around.

as for parking coupon.. in 2 yrs, i've bought only 2 booklets. (about 20 pcs x 0.65c). hahhahas. i mean minus those gantry ones la. and usually illegal parking only when my in-built fatimah indicator is on; which can also be faulty at times. hahas 

and with a low cost, low maintenance bike, think about all the possibilities and job opportunities. (: the world needs dispatchers. 

there's cons too.

weather is just one part of it.

and like when all ur friends travel tgt, u can only travel with ur bike or + one special pillion. hahas. and yes, no boys can take the opportunity to send me home arldy. hahahas. :'( hahas. actually it's more like i can save myself from unnecessary development of feelings which then ruin the whole nice-going friendship / brotherhood. hahhahas.

i rmbr when i use to have u with me, u as in you... i always didn't want u to send me home (though deeep down, i secretly wish u would) coz i didn't see a point. i mean like come on, though we're teenagers, we've got the ability to get home safe ourselves right. why bother gg one big round and waste sleeping time. if say wanna spend time, meet up earlier lors. right? 

that's the practical and logical side of me which probably spoils it all.

anyway, with Sparky now, i've got a faithful company. sometimes when i'm really emo to a point when i can get impractical, i'd forgo petrol money just to take a spin round the happening streets of Singapore just to get some night life happs. hahah

speaking of which, hahas. yesterday, the whole petrol incident, it took our relationship onto a whole new level. ahahahs. 

and once when i felt very hurt by ican'trmbrwhat, i recklessly went speeding on PIE. of course, that was stupid of me though i knew where the speed cams were. ahhas. and also because of that, i then know that at full throttle and on a flat road, Sparky could go 141km/h max. now after about 40k km with me, (just over 2 yrs plus), it's full max speed is about 130 km/h. i wouldn't dare try on a downslope coz anything and everything could go wrong. but yes, thank God i'm safe and i've promise myself not to challenge my ego like that again. 

and another con is that i've gradually become a lazier person. ahas. tt time Hazwan and i were talking about our bike experiences, and we both agreed on this change. hahas. its like... just to go to the shop downstairs across the road, we take our bike and ride there and park on the pavement, right infront of the shop. HAHAHS. maybe likka less than 200m walk. hahahhas. 

then when want to park, die die must park nearest to the entrance or smth. even if there's no lot, sure try to fit the bike in somewhere nearest to the entrance though the next nearest free legal lot is just like less than 50m away. hahahhas.

feelin' so stupid as i type this out clearly now. 

so yes. the total mileage has is reaching about 55k km alrdy. 

seriously thinking about upgrading to a 2A Fazer. more seh. 

but, road tax higher, petrol higher and all. and i've got no cash to begin with. work is shit pay and i've needa save up to $5k for my 1 yr specialist diploma. 

and as for technical reasons.. a bigger bike means having probs cutting in small corners and reversing. hahas. u do know that for a bike, there's no reverse button right. and reversing is solely done by leg power and occasionally core strength. ahhahas.

ok. i can really go on and on. but i need zzz. long day tmr.

and the sky's pretty red tonight. will not be shock if its a rainy morng tmr.

the climate's changing. 

MCL

whoas. blooger has this new outlook/ format. not quite used to it. and i dont think i can conveniently pro-ly use html lingos to blog now.



anyways. in the bright light of google, i have diagnosed my knee injury as a Grade I/II tear. hahas. all i can do now is RICE and subsequently test my range of movements. hahas. i can be my own physio alrdy.
i'm looking at 2 wks of recovery but aiming for 1 wk. hahas. so i'm gg to be disciplined about it. one step back may just be my 2 steps forward.
(so i should stop being so stubborn and bitter about it.)


so. no wonder coach always tells us that tackling from the side is dangerous play.
hahas. and likka hit and run, i can't who tackled me. hahaas.


u know. looking back, i'm always getting injured prior to the start of the season on the 1st / 2nd wk of trng. steadfastly since 2009. left ankle. right ankle. left ankle. lower back and finally now the right knee. always sia. so i'm like always missing out the initial stage of trng and all the basics.
hate it hate it hate it.
one of my teammates clar, probably shares the same sentiments as me. but hers is always like last 2 wks of trng before the start of the league.



but one thing i hate about gg knee injury is that u're gg to need to start saving up to buy tape. to effectively tape ur knee, u'd probably require half a roll. for ankle, 1 roll (when used damn sparingly) can probably last u about 1 full wk of intensive trng. i always joke about like having my friends to get me 21 rolls of tape for my 21st bday. looks like it should have happened yea. hahahhas.

murphy's law at its full brutal force

omg. today is really, what goes wrong, will and can go wrong.
and i will try to prove that out of every bad, there's a good la. hahas.


let's start with all the negative side of it.
woke up, feeling very down with flu.
rain damn big today. one particular lighting was as loud as a gun shot which set off some car alarms.
contemplated on gg down for trng today. but eventually popped 2 panadol flu max and rode off a long peak hr journey to yck.
during trng, we had mini grid 6v8 today. hahas.
on one occasion, i got tackled diagonally from the back and heard my knee clicked. luckily its not a pop. but it started to swell and now it hurts when i walk.
mud was everywhere and i forgot to bring extra shorts. so i had to go through the long night for in my wet tights.

after dinner, made a wrong turn and was towards yck again. hahas. so i made a u-turn. and like just 3 mins (1 km) to reach a petrol station, my bike ran out of fuel. neutral gear down to the stop line and tried to digest the fact. and my phone batt was on a low of 13%. and so, if i didn't make that wrong turn, i could save myself from all that trouble.





omg. hahas. i stunned. hahahhas.
had to stop the car and push my bike to the pavement off the slip road. hahas.
took a bus 2 stops down to get petrol. embarrassed myself for accidentally using my cash card to tap the ezlink machine. and almost missed my stop coz the bus was speeding. so he had to swerved back to the lane. exit the bus with him giving me an irritated stare.

costed me extra $2.60 to buy petrol in the metal tin. hahas. and then took a bus back.
back at the slipp road, filled up my tank with petrol spilling all over. embarrassed myself when a handsome ang moh walked past me. Sparky wouldn't start. after like 20mins, the handsome ang moh was back.. hahas. he probably went to get mac supper. and again, embarrassing myself as i was still trying to kick start my bike. ahhahhas.
and finally after 20mins, Sparky was alive.





drove down to the petrol station and embarrassed myself again with all the staff knowing my situation. ahhas. but was funny.
put the empty petrol tin and my waterbottle in my box as my front basket had my muddy boots + a cup of gongcha.
reached home, my rainjacket in the box was wet. i wasn't sure if it was water or petrol. so i took a stupid chance of smelling it. and omg, a deep inhale of petrol almost threw me off my feet as my nose start to get blocked up by my mucus when the panadol flu max tablets were loosing its power.

FINALLY REACHED HOME.
felt safe.
and nothingcangowrong alrdy.
but i was wrong.


hahas. took my jacket and muddly trng gears into the toliet to wash up and bathe. and forgot to bring my towel.
and my clothes dropped into the toliet bowl.
and now, the toliet is filled with mud, grass and petrol. hahahs.
HAIZ.


hahas. and mother poon's not spared either. she just accidentally whacked her finger into the dustbin. hahas. and now its swelling up. lending her my other icebag tonight. ahhahhahas.



yup. ok. but there's good out of every bad la.



thank God no work today.

thank God i still had panadol flu max tabs in my secret metal tin. and the tabs (not sure if its expired or what) but it was just nice and effective for the 2 hr trng.

during trng, before the knee incident during the minigrid, one occasion, one leg got caught in the ruck and it was piling up. my ankle was in a vulnerable position and i was keeping my fingers crossed that no one should jump on it or smth. and amen. HEING ah. ref blew the whistle and everything was cleared up. heing like shit. and thank God that the ground was soft and comfortable.

after trng, thank God i brought extra shirt. thank God that there was like a whole bag of ice available.
dinner was good. and thank God that i managed to get my Oolong Gongcha before it closes at 10pm.

thank God that my bike stopped when i was reaching the stop line when it was red light (and not like in the middle of nowhere likka flyover or cte. hahahs. that one i really duno how.) . yup and i was inbetween lane 2 and 3. so it wasn't tt dangerous. just as i was trying to get out, the light tuned green. thank God a kind taxi driver let me go first to the slip road. pushed it onto the pavement.

thank God SBS bus was still in service and the bus stop was just a 50m walk and i had my ez-link card. and the petrol station was just 2 stops away and another 50m down.
thank God that no TP to summon me for parking on pavement, if not i'd be having to write a looong letter of appeal. thank God tt no one stole my pretty nike boots and my Gongcha which i could savor it while i was frantically trying to start my bike.


ok la. thank god that my box had space to put a big metal tin.
and thank god i made it home.


thank God i have a water heater so that i can bathe in hotwater. and for mother poon to help with my petrol-soiled rain jacket.
and yes, thank god that i'm able to sit her and blog now.


amen.

reflective.

feeling abit too reflective today.
in the 2nd final day of the 'service quality' class a company, i was stooooneed off most of the time. and to keep myself alert and awake, i was very hardworking-ly jotting down points for improvement on the course / trainer and submitted to her at the end of the lesson. felt likka #1 angelic student.


slow slow lesson.
but it was the 'last' official day that the gs batch 20/11 will be together. so i guess, everyone was just soaking up in each other's good company.



today's also the first day of trng for the Super 15s season. feeling apprehensive before trng. everyone else is so good as it's considered as a 'national trng' though it was specially for the league.
honestly, it felt like a mental trng more than a physical one. i dont know, i need to stop giving myself unnecessary pressure and flooding myself with thoughts that dont matter.
anyway. i just hope that out of this, i can be a more disciplined and stronger player; mentally and physically.



yea. and someone died during NSF again. and omg, he's also from TP. and what's more tragic is that he just passed his 21st bday. damn sad. about 2-3 yrs ago, another of my friend from TP also died during the trng. he's an excellent student leader and as loud and active he can be, he showed no signs of physical weakness. and for him to just go like that is just..?!
with all due respect, i think there are too many ppl dying during NSF. come on mothers and fathers, start trng ur kid since young. i think its cardiac arrest or smth. and its like one of those areas where even the 21st century doctors cannot figure out the mystery and problem and ultimate cause of it.

haiz.


and omg. [25/4/12] just found of he's one of my good friend's bf. :'(



ok. i should move out of this emo phase.
if not tonight get nightmares again, then can't have a good sleep.




and so, to fully utilize this very reflective feeling and all, decided to write a note to all my tp marketing lecturers...


hey (in no particular order)
Ms Jeanne, Ms Sue lou, Mr Steven, Mr Gary, Ms Ng, Ms Serene, Mr Paul (and i dont have Mr. Philip Seow's FB)!!!




Suddenly, i just want to thank you guys all for teaching me well about marketing.
hahas. no, really.


I've been through SIM's bach in marketing course and really, it's not as useful and what i've learnt through in Poly. There's lotsa differences in terms of the technical aspects of both courses. However, one major difference that struck me is how you guys really put in ur effort and undying passion in teaching us, and bringing out the fun of the subject and the best in us. so for that, i sincerely want to thank each and everyone of u guys.


Its been about 3 yrs since i've graduated (no worries. everyone still young and hip). hahas. and i'm still being able to apply what i've learnt.

Right now, just a minor update, i'm working part-time in Cisco as an Aviation Screening Officer because i want to get to know more about the Aviation Industry and see how i can move on from there. Because it's in Changi Airport, Changi Airport Group strives to train EACH AND EVERY PERSON working in the airport. So for the past 2 days on course, they're trying to drill us about Service Quality. In these 2 days, hahahas, i've really been thinking about you guys.

The really super useful and positive thing i took out of the whole Marketing Diploma course in TP is probably the holistic mindset to think PBL, tied in with marketing concepts. though i've not touched all the black and white marketing lecture notes or read the textbk for a long time, some how, i'm still able to throw out marketing concepts like (blue ocean, brand equity, customer delight, int/ext custs etc etc). and its really because of you people that all these marketing lingo are being drilled in. So as i walk past ads, hop around companies and all, as much as i'm learning, i'm able to have that mindset to want to identify areas for the company to improve on. This really helped me to be a valuable and contributive employee, even though my current company is all about security and not so fore-front-ly business-oriented.

so, to cut it short, all in all, you guys have really not only sticked to ur so called 'lesson plans' but have taught me life-long skills that's very applicable to everything in our everyday lives. hahahas. serious! hahas.


so yes. thank you for reading this. hahas, pls relay it to mr. philip seow. ahhas. continue to do what you guys have once done to my batch. ahas. dont ever lose that fire or petrol to go the extra mile because ur extra mile is our 2110738174703184 days of being a useful person. ahhahhas. and if on some emo days u guys may feel disheartened, be it as a lecturer/ mother/ father/ business person or what, just rmbr, u've at touched lives or at least, one little starfish like me. hahas. (:

having said that, dont forget to take ur well-deserved breaks. hahas.
take care and God bless.


always keepin the TP marketing lecturers in my prayers,
Marian. (:

downtrack

feeling tired all over again.
sometimes when i go trng, i just duno whatzzup.
and i feel myself slippin into my old eating habits

sometimes i really really truly wish that i'm a boy.
i really dont mind gg through army.
i dont mind taking initiatives and be proactive just because i'm a boy.

girls are too sensitive.
that includes me.


sometimes i just want to live out my life and be the best of who i can be.

so tired

what a long day. 12 hr work trng.

ok. points are there. somehow, i dun think she delivered it well.
i dont agree with her examples. and i think she's inexperienced, basing everything on surface level.

10 passed

hhhas. 10 out of 32 passed the Theory test.
hahas. i mean like. everyone was serious about it. and really, our batch was relatively strong and expected to do well. however, they not only killed us by changing all the questions, they had the invigilators confusing/misleading us during the test as well.

not an excuse.
but, i think we could have been abit more better prepared in having that ability to categorize an item as a Weapon or LAGs.







actually we're all damn sad abt it. coz we really did trained hard and all. but oh wells.
since its the majority who failed, the whole sadness feeling was diluted. hahas.
However, JY and i shared that our hearts were still v v heavy. i mean, not just speaking abt letting our trainer down, but it was more like.. SIGHHH. he put in so much effort, then the dua tao had to slowly torture him like tt. think abt all the reports and explanations he has to write for both sides. its just not fair like that la. he's really damn good, but he has to pay for the damages. the feeling is like, the child breaks the flower pot and the father has to pay for the damages- kind of feeling. just more deep.







hahas. though its just 15 days of trng. its almost June.
pay is shit low. but the friends made are priceless.
very different backgrounds, walks of life, stages in life, but we're all in the same boat and somehow, able to understand each and every single one.
u know, i can confidently say that everyone's comfortable with everyone. i mean not like the damn confortable kind till friendsforeversaycheese kind, but like, everyone's just v happy with each other's company. hahas.







so yes, i thank God for this unexpected company of friends from a i-any-how-apply-part-time-job-online. hahas
i think most of the part timers didn't know the intensity of the trng and extent of it. ahhas. kena caught off guard. *inserts the legendary 9gag face*
hahahhahahas

Wicked!

Easter Sunday!


quite disgusted by my lanlansansan attitude. never go Church, never go Qing Ming Jie. reason: zZzzzZ



ok. but. went church for awhile. then to MBS. The Atas Mall man. damn nice. so proud to be a Singaporean.
watched Wicked today. the musical that cost $148. hahas. the casts are awesome la. such great voices. and the sets are too good to be true. the transition so darn smooth and the sound like power.







and its Ulrica's first time on a bike! (: hahas. feel honoured siol. (:





then met up with some of the guys. hahas. lepak one corner only. ahhas.






thank you for this wkend.




i saw u today in church. but sorry, no courage to go up to u and ask how's life.
hahas. whatever.

Saints 150th Anniversary

Francis Thomas' a happy man up there.



Went to the 150th Anniversary Carnival. and really, i was nice to see everyone being part of the Saint family. truly indeed, once a saint, always a saint.
everyone was just for everyone. that kind of one big family filled with strangers but yet, having that invisible sense of closeness in a way... (:

ok. the cars. ahhas. $35 per ride. in the name of fundraising luh huh. hahahas.



Jim Weir's Cup of the U-35s and Over-35s division was also being played today. nice to see old boys and rivals thrashing it out on the field and ending it off with warm handshakes of good sportsmanship. and yes, adding on the smiles of i-know-what-you-did-to-me-20-yrs-ago feeling. ahhas.





nice photo taken from Jervis Mun. got it off facebook.
check out his sports album. awesome sports shots man!


yep. and i saw you today, first at sajc. ahahs. somehow, i knew that i would bump into you today. usually, that 6th sense of mine, about you, is usually quite accurate. hahas. i was pleasantly glad and secretly relieved that you said hello to me with a smile and not try and avoid me. hahas. maybe coz we're like in bluetooth range and we it was those moments where both parties looked at each other at the same time, to a point of no return, and a 'hello' has to be carried out. hahhas.
and i thought i would be shocked by how i'd usually be overwhelmed by the whole thing, and being caught off guard unexpectedly. HOWEVER, :D. looks like i've really moved on and be free from the chains of agonizing emo-ness. hahas. yay!
*big self-pats on my back, tyvm*


saw u played rugby today. still that position. still that jersey number, ur fav no coz its ur birth date. reminded me of the days where i'd find some excuse to secretly miss my afternoon trngs/sessions just to support you in ur games, in my IJ uniform. hahas. how nobel. ahhahas. (ya. and u nv came to watch my bowling nationals! hahas. ok la. u had ur impt trngs; i understand. ahahhaahs.) i think u had a good game today. now that i'm playing rugby, i know more about the game and how to watch it vs last time. ahahas. the only thing i knew then was like u cannot pass forward and run with the ball. ahhas. today, as that position, i saw u pouncing on every men when on defence, working hard like how u'd always do, and really took big guys out. hahas. but ah. hahas. 2 big boo boos ah! one, u caused an offside which made Raffles try for a conversion, which heing-ly, did not get in. ahhhas. and the 2nd one was during the last play before the ref stopped the gamed due to lightning - if u'd catch that ball at the wing or at least secure it, it could have been one more try. hahahhas.
oh wells. u're still good in my eyes. HAHAS. no no. nothing more.


but yea. i'm still praying for a day that u'd come up to me and just catch up on these 5 yrs of not talking. like what u're doing now. what u're gg to do. what u're hoping to do in life and stuff. i mean there's facebook, but that does not beat having a good catchup or something. i still really hope the best for you. keeping u back on my praylist tonight. (:



so today. it was relatively a good day.
and i thank God for a literally giving us such Good Friday. (:

pat-down

won't got into the details coz of the intellectual property rights to cisco.

hahas. but we learnt about pat-down search and the search with the handheld metal detector.



pat-down search is aka body search.
hahas.
honestly, it was quite hard to kick start the session. lotsa physical contact. its not just like rugby where u just wham urself into someone. its like slow physical contact on an individual. but of course, our 22yrs-of-experience professional trainer taught us well. after likka WHOLE HALF DAY (likka 5-6hrs) on it, we got used to it and i think, to a stage where i can say that we're professional about it.
hahas. doing that few repetitive standard steps over and over and over.


yea. and the trng using the metal detecter was done outdoor. ahhas. #likkaseriouslonly. hahas
i think it was more so that we could get more practice in a common place where our trainer can view us together. coz i think by right, girls and guys shouldn't be trng together in the same room.



hahas. ok.
i think i'm secretly enjoying these 2-3 wks of my life since everything is so laid out for me. hahas.
till then!
hope we all train well and be vigilant in preventing terrorism onboard aircrafts. and i know, as a senior technician of all sq planes, daddy would be secretly proud of me. (though its just a part-time miserably paid job).

who cares.

as faces of long lost good ol' friends pops up in facebook, its always the oh-man-we-should-meet-up-for-dinner thought.


we all have that certain amount of time. and to find that common denominator that fits seems to take on an impossible permutation. ahhahas. omg. that sentence sounds chim. aiya. just can't find a common time to meet la. hahas.


we all have choices.
and the need to step out of our individual comfort zone to get better requires us to bash through all unnecessary thoughts about what others think of ourselves. it has always been a struggle for me. the mouths of many are like double-edge swords. though we may have the integrity to just be ourselves and mean no harm, when misinterpreted or misunderstood, the outcome can just be deadly, irreversible and scar-surfacing.
so what/?




blogger, u are my pen-pal friend.
twitter, u are the one that hears my immediate daily rants.
facebook, u are my memory network.
but isnt it all just a facade?











but really, who cares?