angsty poony

I'd rather have no friends than have friends who don't take u as their friends.


I should have a box of bloody sharp nails infront of me. If any fckers tailgate me at 130km/h, I will fckin take a handful and throw behind. esp when I'm in a bad mood ya.



that's my major tweets for the day. like seriously. when there's a clear lane beside me, be it if i'm on lane 1 or 2 and gg at 130km/l, u better not tailgate me. i hope ur tyres burst, car frame kena scratched majorly, or crack ur windscreen.
SERIOUSLY. egoistic male drivers, and blurr cok female drivers.
sorry for the colourful language, esp when i'm really angsty and not in a good mood as so to say.


all these reckless drivers really make me wanna go sign up an be a traffic police.
not that i adhere to rules strictly. i do break those common motorcyclist breakable rules. but ya, rules are set for a purpose and to keep the roads safe. i mean, if u wanna go and break the rules, do it with caution and not as if the world's at ur serivce.


i've been through some speeding car races on the roads. there are some very reckless ones and very cautious ones. not that i'm encouraging street races, but even if u wanna go to that extreme, pls do rmbr that other road users do exists ya. ur one minor mistake may impact the lives of others, and others of the others of the others ya.


think before you act.





during trng today,
was really really.. ugh.
want to train cannot train. have trained on a healing ankle before and trust me, it will never heal or rather, take 6 times longer than it could have been healed.

during trng, was looking and thinking how my performance and be affected so much by my peers.
in bowling, i was trained and able to shut off all external pressures. infact, the higher the pressure is, the better i perform.
some how in rugby, i see myself shunning away.
i can't perform because of this, because of that, because of you, because of what ppl say etc. its really all wts and useless.

it kinda all boils down to how confident i am; the more confident i am, the better i perform. then again, if i become confident, i because sensitive to how ppl think of me, then i start to retract again.
idk if its the injury, if its the friends that have walked away or what, but i know that if i continue to give myself excuses and let all the shit, or rather, self-created shit affect my performance like that, i rather put myself out of misery and quit this whole sport shit. it took me quite alot of self-persuation to move out of bowling after all the lifelong lessons that this sport has given me.


u know, giving up my sporting life and move on into The Arts scene is probably what God wants me to do.
i know i can excel in guitar, in photography, in dj-ing especially in music, but i just chose sports over that because sports builds one up and teaches us many invaluable lessons harder and faster than music. in some sense, its more adrenaline rushed, and really, builds memories with ppl who have slaughtered their hearts out to give their best altogether.

and since i'm still young, might as well.
music can wait.
but yes, at a cost.
u know, i really could have been like pianist now. not those anyhow whack chords and play in band kind. but those like read all the towgays, write the towgays, and might even have a cert to say that i can do so. and this is something that i've not done, but very sure that i'm able to do it.

other things i wanna try are like rock climbing and sailing, but its not a sure-sure will excel in it anyways.
music is really my drive.
and i think i'm just beating around the bush.







i miss God and i know He misses me.
and if i can love God as much i love you, think of you, depend on you, confide in you, God will be a very happy pa.
time and time again, i persuade myself to let go of you, bombard myself with all ur negative points and it seems that the harder i try, the harder it all backfires.
and when i stop trying and moved onto a path that's finally starting to clear up, u just HAD to appear infront of me in my practical sight.
gosh.
is this all a big joke?!

i really really really really wanna let go of you and move on.
i'm actually quite worried for myself coz i can actually get 电到 by a malaysian bung at this shop while installing the machine today. hahas. idk if my heart's becoming desperate and just going haywired and all confused in denial, when i left and she looked at me in the eye and said bye, my heart skipped a beat- a beat which i know it should not even be skipping.
*slaps head. and its becoming something that i can't control. yea, can see it as a joke or what, but now that i sense it becoming more and more.... 'effective', i should be getting worried for my life ya.




maybe its because my radio radio has been sold to the gurang guni, that my life, w/o music,
is so rubbished and lost in uncertainty.
ok, i'm talking cok and sing song.



ok. its been long since i've written a proper essay, read a passage or a book and i can totally sense my english totally going down the drain, to an extent that i can't even pen down the things i really wanna say and some times, even get lost in what i am trying to say. understand? omg. sucks. hahas. i know the language structure is all wrong and idk how to correct it. this is what i call in a state of being... JIA LAT.



happy thing for the wk, i bought the Panasonic FT3 camera last mon. a waterproof, shockproof camera. though it took up like 90% of my money in the bank, leaving me all poor now, i think its worth it coz now i dare to take out my camera and shoot anyhow and start wanting to recapture my memories. (my s95's all too perfect that i think i should only bring around for special occasions).