notsogood.

alot of yr1s came for the tryouts today. maybe like 100 over.

felt damn sad today.
we've not done fitness for 1 wk.
and today, my legs felt like 98409238482 tonnes.
just the 150m striding, the line seemed far away. super sad.
i really felt useless.
and when the drill comes, i tried to clarify stuff that has been clarified and made coach not so happy. really felt damn foolish at that point of time.


and today, i wanted 7. but i think i should be gracious to take another no. that i dun like. ): ): ):
sad to the max. it'll probably be my last jersey. yes. that's how confident i am.
zero.
trust me, i will nv get the things in want in life. coz its me. even if its the best guitars in the world, i'll just feel unsatisfied. that's my perfectionistic sin.


ok. with regards to my SIP, i want to thank God for my SIP opportunites.
3 ppl have asked me to join RedSports for SIP.
and i've also been asked if i wanna join this marketing firm.
i really really really want to thank God for providing me with so much in relation to the pathetic amt of effort i've put in to go search for internships.

haha. and there's the Grace Cup Netball league coming up. like a friendly church vs church league like that. not sure abt e event yet. but i think it'll be super funny.


ok.
but yes. i'm feeling damn sad right now.
i realy just feel like giving up right now. its like, i'm training so hard with a mind to know that i cannot make it. i should just like tk the time spent here to go do smth which i can excel in. aka. the ball with 3 holes. its gd that i'm making improvements right now. but too small. too... not enough. too insignificant. too saddening. and just too hopeless.


argh. i wanna run to ECP now and scream to the waves tt's crashin against the break water. seriously.
decisions really affect everything.
and when u just dont get the things you want or u've worked hard for, u really doubt your effort.
issit really all worth it?
i really pray to have a heart after God's. so i can really bear the fruit of the spirit. sometimes, in such situations, its really the how-you-face-it. the half-full cup thingy. coz in actually fact, the 1 litre bottle contains 500ml. u cannot change the fact. blatently luh.
BAH. does anyone understand my pathetic me? omgs.
ARGHS. frustrated. irritated. disconnected. PUIII.


go to sleep.
and tmr will be a new day.