301206

its getting freaky.

coz..
"project due next yr la"
but by actuly fact, NEXT WEEK.

told u like before u know it, its like another new year.
tmr it'll be like my last post for the yyear.

and tmr. last day for the yr.
like shuold i go watchnight service of go take fireworks?

according to my pro-ed photogs ppl. they're REALLY resourceful. like where's the fireworkds goona be blasted at.. where to get great view and stuff. so there'll be like 4 rounds. 10pm, 10.30, 11.30 and 12. it'll be a gd time to train myself in shooting fireworks. coz all along, it has been like overlyhorriblilyexposed.

OR.

watchnight service. use tripod. then later catch the last train. and make my 1st shot of 2007, and make sure its a gd one.

hmm. i have to meet up with gary quek some time soon. if not later go army. cannot. and GARY. if u're reading this, i'd better take a PIC WITH U SOON. coz i havent done so in like.. er.. i havent done so.. after like 4 yrs of friendship?!

well. today. teens time. wanted to do my online quizes coz its goona be due...but i didn't coz no interenet access. so couldn't so alot of things....WAIT. OH SHUCKS I FORGOT ABT MY CDS. AH. brb.
ok.
so tonight. burn midnight oil. yet again.



well. was thinking. these 2 wks. no trng at all beides sc mtngs. church alone can really pack ur week up. haha. glad to have survied dec.


mum just updated me on the financial statement of the house and erm. hmm. well. hahaa. gotta save more.

ok. i've gotta go. quite a no. of things to clear.

sdneirf

wads the back of them?

why am i even struggling?

or, allowing myself to struggle so as to say?


“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28

(today's verse of the day. see how God works!)


tmr is coffeeshop nite.
blink of an eye can.
1) we've been practising- marc's band.
2) i've just got the song from joelnah- dennis' band
3) just learnt the song, still v much unsure- joy's song.
4) hopefully can remember the steps though- elaine's team.
all for tmr. right. 4 items. 4 more opportunities to let God smile.
seriously. been hearing this word 'inadequate" quite a no. of times this wk. during prayer today, jovin mentioned abt the word too.

tonite, gotta prac LIFESONG and YOU STILL ME. no. 2 and 3. and its like 1.33am now, with inadequate sleep last night. 4am till 9am.
but one thing, i'm just thankful that i'm enjoying what i'm doing now. coz its music man. HARS.

things to be done b4 sunday., aka the next yr, 2007.
- 7 psycho quizzes. long ones.
- psyco project due. video and ppt presentation
- 4 more grp projects. rockin man.
- 2 mtng mins. find 1, type 1.
- burn cd for uncl kc and glen and unc david
and i've got a feeling that there's more stuff which i can't rmbr. and i thought it supposed to be a break.

i mean like. i serve God and try to make Him (: always. but i get tired. i knoe He's one gd encourager with the Word n messengers around. but still. the but. it just gets scary each time.


inadequate trust?
i thought i had. probably i have. just being plainly decieved by not-so-nice influences.
do u know that i wanna say "iloveu" to alot of ppl. and "stopdeciving" to also a handful of ppl as well. let's just so called, 'categorise' these ppl. ironically, where/how i know them, contridicts so much. i duno. i'm just saying stuff how my heart feel. probably, as contridictry as it seems, i may b the one who's judgemental. then again, what gives me the reason to? why? how?
and yes, in both ways, they are, so called. my friends! *claps.

dun want to mention nor hint at anyone here coz it won't be pleasing to anyone.
but i just want to amplify how i feel. coz, sometimes. i feel uncessarily tired and overly sensative. i do want to tell u guys. but at the same time, the strong word: judgement just falls into place so nicely. runaway? feel like booking a ticket on a plane and fly away. to live in Mehmon with the villages back in N Thailand. hah. fairytale. probably its just ppl being selfish la huh.

but i want to thank God. like for being superly encougaging. there's this verse in Isaiah that says that "even youths grow tired and weary.. but they'll soar on wings like eagles" and stuff. can't rmbr the full thing. then there's another that says sufferings to disicpline to this and to that..in hebrews. basicaly, to grow stronger.

it takes time la.

chill manz. smths i just want to shoulder to lean on and be nuah for a few mins. haha. but with that, those thoughts alo come with thoughts of wanting to put a hault as well. i think gary would probably understand wad i'm trying to say. (haha. just feel it la.) i dun want to be oh-so-g-i-r-l anymore.

probably yet another peek hole to my 2007 new yr resolutions which i always prolly take time to do. erks

enough of being erm. erm. emo and COMPLAINT QUEEN. haha.
i shall just continue to be cheerful in my ways in love and allow ppl around me to (: . though i mey still feel neg by them. ITS OK. coz i know and confident that God is there sia. how cool.

ahha. yet another random rant.

Christmas Dinner at Tim's

afternoon, caught Night at The Museum with church ppl. was quite a nice story. heart felt words. haha. hilarous. been loong since i've laughed like that in a cinema. watched it at grand cathy hall 1. super big. real cool.


after that. met zen to go tim's house. haha. zen gave me present sia. love her. been so long since we've caught up. real glad for her that she's the capt now. coz really, when i was a capt, zen's been helping me out tons much more than my vcapt. but really. she deserve it. coz she's really responsible and like, u can count on her on things that need to be done. as for wong yew liang. haha. glad that he is too. i'm sure he's experienced, well, that was how we got to know each other too. humble in his ways, he does alot to benefit the team in a clearer direction.
well. good luck to the both of them yea. pray that both of them will grow as they conitnue to learn and experince so much more that's ahead of them.

i miss sajc bowling team, alot.

ANYWAYS. there.
many ppl came. to me, aw man. like emo sia. ahhaa. no la. was cool. the caterd food cost $30 each. but we had gd food. like had waiter or smth to clear our plates and pour drinks. and they dressed like smartly. yea.

(: to see many of them. took alot of pics. 4 grp pics. i took one. the other 3 took by the waiter. 2/3 of them were blur. so i posted the last, slightly underexposed one.

had gift exchange. ahha. totally forgot abt it. so i took quite a no. of pics.
raining whole day, but we enjoyed ourselves with the compay of long friends. lastly, wanna thank tim for opening his house and having understanding family members to tahan any unbearable noise level and for orgainising yet anoter social event.


thought through quite a bit today actualy.
after reading gary's word press, even thought through more. hhaha. [BTW. I DID NOT bhbly ask for ur no. k! haha. that woulf be highly sialan of me. hahaa. its sz come tell me abt u know the m guy. (HAHA) then i saw u. so asked him abt u. hahah. then later duno how, i got added into some convo in msn with sz and m and u. HAHAHAHAHA.]
but yea..
nonetheless. God has planted me with so so much great friends who care for me. i guess, with that, i still have to learn how to let go. its been close to half a year, and despite upslopping n downslopping, its pretty much the same inside. its just v disappointing to feel that even as friends, its somewhat difficult to be. like look. talk abt communication. i can surely say that within these period of time, no form of communication has been done. probably an occasional oneway communication by me? i'm just afraid to decieve myself and ppl around me, unintentionally. i do not want to succumb to any wrong feelings to guys who care for me out of pure friendship and brotherhood.
i just want u to understand that ppl around u care for u and hope to see u back up again.

haha. well well.
TMR'S prac, then prayer, then shooting, then dinner. hahha. better make sure i'm aware the time. n WAKE UP ON TIME.

merry Christmas to all.

nonetheless, Christmas time is here and filled with church activities.



its a Christmas night and i'm at home now, blogging, sorting out photos, DOING PROJECT WORK. and ATTEMPTING to finish my 7 ONLINE PSYCHO QUIZZES. fun sia-.

briefly,

fri night was carols by candlelight prac.
sat was christmas eve service followed carols by candlelight
today is chirstmas service.

ok.

this year, Christmas to me seem to be tilting off to a whole new deeper, indepth time, yet festive occasion.
Christ is born again, is coming again and there's little time left
that kept repeating or rather, flashing across my mind in times of quietness.


i have to say i'm struggling. with myself that is. probably with negative thoughts of myself and sinful reasons against ppl. not sure if its me or wad. but like. the world, in general is becoming blinded by worldly desire and possessions, sparing little thought for others. almost all is seeming to be centering around this little pharse "me myself and i". everything just seems to judgemental, incorrect and erks.

it scares me.

thoughts of being low self esteemed, the prolly "not gd enought" fills that canal. technically. i've been guitaring quite alot these few days. mamy a times, feeling like. man. i'm so inadequate. like there's so many things i can't play or like be a instrument that God can be proud of. i know God loves all stuff like that. still. those daunting thoughts.. erks. what more. ppl play in C, i can prolly play in G.
i wanna techincally expand my musical foundation coz i've got none. getting exhausted of self learning and stuff. Peter moey's been superb.


u know that carol..
"my weakness is no stranger..."
yea. carols by the year are getting more 'worshippy' me.


as of photography part. my camera HAS TO SPOIL during this season YOU KNOW. thank God for graciously providing me with Choon Tee's camera if not i'll be really discouraged. coz really. nah.
technically, inadequate. so so inadequate. i want to have like photography training or smth. or liek another IMF event wheere a whole buch of pro photogs will talk photog language so that i can learn. not being bhb but ppl (like non photogs) give positive comments abt my compositioning coz that's what ppl usually look at. but like photos. they tell me stuff abt the colour, depth of field, angle, and stuff like that. really appreciate it. but its like. i'm aware of the no-so-nice part, but just dunno how to rectify them. superly disgusting.

lighter note. Carols by candlelight. this event really showed me the determination and commitment that the logistics guys have put it. i'm really amazed by xu kai de. he has helped in the banner by giving inputs to solve probs that jas eve and i can't solve. he's raised up questions that needed some thought process and gave much constructive comments casually.

the rain. i guess its a blessing, as always. like i've said, blindled by worldly possessions, we find it hard to thank God at times.
though it has brought us certain technical disappointments, surely and certainly, it has taught me many values.
the boys stayed up the whole night, outside church, taking turns to ensure that all the equipments are safe. when it rained at night, they started sherltering all equippments and all. basically, everyone was anticipating CBC to be held at the main entrance of the church.
however. the rain sent everything to be cleared from the initial location up to the sanctuary. there, certain decisions had to be made like.. not using tap shoes coz it'll ruin the flooring of the alter. positions had to be reshuffled. the no rehearsal was done at the sanctuary. all, familiarised with the flow at the inital plan.
but in the midst of the Service, of ppl coming in and out of church, christmas greetings and dinner, the logistics guys have been braving the rain to move countless logistics, running up and down ensuring that every area is doing fine and much mroe which i think its so behind the scence that i do not know.


service like such to me, can be tiring. emotionaly. its so behind the scene that even if 1 person feels blech, its behind the scene. and because all the hardwork is so concelled, ppl dun appreciate them as much as they deserve. like take for example. after the event, performers get the "u did very well... well done.. gd performaces.. dah dah dah". how many a times do we go up to the logistics sound crew to say "the sound was gd, the performance went well". well, maybe one or two, but after all the blood and sweat?
one of my co-organisers back in sec sch once told me this.. "after the whole programme, ppl often comment abt the tecnical flaws. yes, constructive critisims. but are we forgoing the hardwork and the 'went-wells' that many have put in?"


i feel like. i also duno. like ppl. dumping responsiblities.. like procrastinating.. like not keeping pormises. like givng reasons. like not being accountable. like not being sincere. like not being truthful and understanding. all makes me feel.. lonely? like, yea. many friends, many friends.
how many can i talk to, till deep right down.
i just want to thank God for planting you. like how we share the smae struggles. and like how it is you. hahah. was quite funny, after like what..6yrs?. but i really wanna thank God for your presence. we had a 5hr phone call. the longest ever had. i nv like talking on the phone, not that i dun like to, but i can't mulit-task. if i talk on the phone, it would mean forgoing my necessary com stuff and all.
but seriously, that call was really assuring and relieving to a certain extent.

thank you.


sometimes i just pray for like everyone to be like super transparent and truthful and sincere. so much has changed. the focus seems out of focus. like using the 70-300mm. on the LCD, it looks clear, on the com, man disappointing.

ANY-A-WAYS.


AMEN. coz Chirst is BORN. and i pray hard that ppl will know that Christmas is abt JESUS' BIRTH and not just abt the economic growth, tourism and lights and sounds. like this year, everywhere party party party. really gg off can. man.

well. this is not my annual 'summation' of the year. haha.
but speaking of worldly desires. i want ipod, DLSR, xhange laptop, and the list goes on. HAH. totally. stuff that i can't afford will just be an inspiration to me. making simple things looks cool. haha.

to end off with my tagline..

"No other interest brings you to this level of exposure."


smth abt photography.
i just hope that i can be a right inspiration to all.


haha. i miss the sun, the field, the boots and the pins. somehow.

preps

so so much.

thumb

this morng.. went for Sports Symposium and Team Temasek meeting. turnout rate was bad. hmm. haha. its smth abt TP with hols and projects.

ANYWAYS. after that we psycho project.

then went home to rest and get ready for league.

bowled today. the 1st time i've bowled after polite. it sucked. totally. the lanes were insane. after the oiling.. i had 5 begger immediately. talking abt lane conditions man.

then was league. errms. was OKS. but. got worse. i think my thumb is back to pretty-nice-and-unhard state. so it got blisters. first, the bubble on the thumb was seen. i tried to cover it up with skin patch b4 it burst annd wet the ball and will literally KILL if put the skin patch over.
nevermind.
then soon, it burst.
not as bad lar. still could bowl.
then my thumb, towards the palm, had blister and soon became an open wound. couldn't hold the ball literally.
was so bad. daryl had to put skinpatch for me which sent me hitting him and really hiitting my own hand hard. it was pain ks. reminded me that time when uncle jack help me put skin patch over my very very sore, opened, and blooded thuumb. that one was still ultimate. uncle paul from the counter 2 storeys above heard my cries of pain.

today didn't scream. but felt that electrifying sensation throughout. i manage to hit a 126! was literally taking the heavy bowling ball and letting it go onto the lanes.





erks.
so much for wanting to bowl well.


BUT. NVM. now I'VE GOT HANDICAP. HARS. ahhah.
so if lets say i bowl a 170 avg. it'll probably be a 190. MUAHAH. ok
hmm.


hmm. been reading blogs and stuff. in my free time that i actually had. or rather, when i wanted to take breathers. realised that quite a no. of events have happend for rugby. like the bbq, world alll schs, and stuff.


i need to reflect on my year. its coming soon. 2007.

Carolling 2006

well. God was sueprly merciful. with 3 consecutive downpours casuing floods in parts of Singapore, there came no rain when night came.

this morning. catch up with the ex exco. only nat, tan, nunis and jaslin came. ahhah. bz ppl. ahha. was gd to see the few of them.

first stop was eve's house. as usual, aunty ann would cook up lots of gd food for us.
was gd to see shaun, my couz.(:
had a great time of fellowshipping and eating.
not long, we went to changi airport pasta fresca and sang our carols. there weren't many ppl. but i know that they're listening. (: really felt gd that some of the ppl clapped. the manager is really nice and hospitable.
last stop, was zheng's house. so so gd to see kernal and LINda! haha. was like cam whoring whole time.
my batt died by then and i had to rely on eve's cam.

should have brought choon's DSLR.

just finished uploading the pics.
i borrowed my sis' cam. its a canon powershot. pics are REALLY SMALL. like 200kb. but the colour and image is gd as compared to eve's casio. hmm. i think canon lenses are no doubt, much more precise?i miss my casio. they said they'll call me by 3 days or 3months. looks like its goona be 3 months now. ):
had difficulties with the lighting. didn't want flash coz its really harsh.


oh yea. i highlighted my hair ytd with eveleen at this shopin serangoon gardens. jas went with us to cut her hair too. i did brown and copper brown. eve did brown and red. haha.



like the VidalSesson advertisment. haha. was quite exciting to see colours on my hair though. haha. but overall. the result made me looked super girlified. after the cut and dye, was dropping things and all.. and couldn't even catch a flying wallet. ahha. so we're like.. it must be the hair. later go play rugby cannot catch ball die ar. ahha.
but really. really KAWAYI (is this how u spell.)


after that, had gd food at the stall near by!


selene joined us and this was wad we ate. was gd.



so many things to do!!!!!> photosphotosphotos.meetingsmeetingsmeetings. there's liek 3 tmr. 2 is under SAA and sports club. one is projectwork. after that gtg church to do the banner. then like gotta do my chirstmas presents too. hoho. fri. is goona be like dance prac all the way. in the morng gtg settle the song with marc and band.
still got to do meeting minutes. plus recover the past meetings, settle sports symposium. and probably bowl the league during the week.
bogged man. thanks to God for the cool weather man. (:

day at Singapore Zoo

with nat, mel, abby and bridget.
reminiscing the pri-sch-holding-of-raffia-string-days. with different ppl, much older now.


so so nice to be with kc girls again. what more, my very own classmates.
nat's doing very very well in aussie, topping the level. with like B A A A A. hahaha. glad to here that they're doing gd. (:

well.
wet whole day round though.
but had a great time together. haha.
will post pics up soon... just the ppl.
really not easy to take a gd shot of the moving animals, w/o flash, with super cloudy clouds and wet weather.


kinda tired to do stuff today. like clear all my last min stuff. chirstmas pressyz been tough as always. ahahha. first was the start then the spoon then the photo and now the ____ . it gets toughers every year hor.


oh well.
haven't been practising for carols by candlelight though.

so bogged down.
i should be enjoying myself. ok. well at least i am for now. with the new keyboard. as in like keyboardpiano kind.


ok. today's the release of the N's results though.
my friends did well. ahha.
gd gd. (:



ok. off tmr. i'm gonna like highlight my hair or smth tmr. ahha. i use to say "i'll never ever do anything to my hair".. well. haha. got influenced by poly students. haha. oh wells.
christmas is coming! i'm afraid that it'll like go past fast too soon.


such an emo night. the rain hits so hard. so so hard. the v next day... 1 yr ago.

things

reading ulrica's and solo's blog really brings a tear to my eye. haha. really.

sat and sun. fully packed. things to do/ have done so far..

- ballet coaching class
- free movement class
- tap class
- csn meeting
- church dance
- carols by candlelight(cbc) prac
- CBC band prac.
- csn banner: buy cloth and paint the whole thing
- carolling
- outing with 4/6 to the zoo!
- outing with ex excos
- print photos
- project grp meetings
- mission trip photos ofr uncle kc and glen
- get cds and dvds to burn
- hard drive almost full. gotta get one soon.
- collection of free mp4 from times mag.
- update my life record book, NYAA record book
- return library bk
- sports symposium briefing
- bowling league tournament
- 1001 things more. like pick up my camera that's under repair.

IN 2 WEEKS
FUN ANOT.

and, thafully, there's no bowling nor rugby trng till next yr. but its like. i duno if i'm tired. aha. coz i still find joy in God in doing all these.

and yes. I'VE LOST MY WATERBOTTLE AGAIN. AGAIN. took a cab to church today... coz was raining so heavily.. i told myself.. yea. see ar. i leave it here, sure forget to take. better put in my bag. then i continued.. but then since i know, sure won't forget. true enough. i left it in the taxi. ):

so should i get the green/blue one now? ): the bottles are like seasonal. the green one lasted me for NTL. the blue one for Oasis.


well. maybe physically tired, heartly excted.

some shots from N Thailand

i am back!

ok. exams are fine, considering the amt of study i did.. i think i'm gonna pass with God's mercy. seriously.
ok. i'm working darn hard for the next exams. mark my words

so so so much has happened.


mission trip was totally way way way too cool.
this yr, i've learnt alot alot alot. so much, i can't contain it. literally. (yea that song).

so blessed i can't contain it
so much i gotta give it away

thailand, herself has thought me so much. the sincere smiles of the villages and the hopeful laughter of the children is simple priceless. trust me. i want sara to come with us next year. really.
nonetheless, we grew alot spiritually, as well as in terms of unity.
when i got there, joel, emma and aunty elaine left. there was jsut jasper, me, andrew, gland, solo, ulrica, rach, kathy, georgamay and jasmine. just the few of us.
dances became really repeative and tiredness really got into us. just the few of us, we grew together.
although i went there so much abt half passed the trip, i could felt the battle.

seriously, many a times, i felt that i wasn't useful. was there to just, increase the manpower statistically, not even physically. constantlt, i knew that out faithful prayer partners back in sg were praying hard for us.

this yr, for me was very much different. i did lesser dances and medical work. i was taking photos for the team most of the time. chalked up 2275 photos in 8 days. this yr, i had to keep a look out of my surroundings and be watchful literally. really. i'm still always in awe of God' creation. always during the journeys in the van/pickup/car.. i'd never fail to take photos outside of the vehicle, and always find myself unable to sleep although v tired. i simply love the land- away from everything.

there, i didn't have to worry abt not having a hp with me. no emails. no meetings. with the exception of my textbooks. i knew that i had God, and i had my bros and sis in Christ.

i guess to cut it all short, God is faithful. we had a minor accident and left the convery in a panic state for a short moment. but, God was still faithful and kept the convey as one.
oh yes. travelling off the shores of sg, passing through countless security checks alone is an experience. i get the stares. i get the questions.

i'm off to save the world. hahhaha

wheeee. till 11th dec!

did i mention. that i'm having 2 papers on the 12th?

haha. i called marketing tchr to tell her i was sick that's why i was absent. she told me that we have marketing paper on mon 5pm. so i wwas like.. thank God. first paper 5pm.

BUT THEN. I checked my timetable online. ACCOUNTING 9AM MON. FUN SIA. ahahhaha. wonder how issit goona bee. ahahah. PRAY.


and yes. WITHOUT IPOD OR ANY MUSIC PLAYING GADGETS. but books. how sia.

Dance Arts 19th Recital

after months of hardwork, it all voiced down to that 4 or 5 mins of glamour. haha.

hmmm. for my first item, i made a HUGE mistake.i duno how else to emphasize the huge mistake. but its really huge. haha. in front of the stage, everyone was in 5th position-still. i did a piroutte. a turn la. OH MAN. EMBARRASSING CAN. ahhaa. and like infront of the camera- filming. GRR. i hope they cut that away. then becasue of that. got afftected. then couldn't balance after the turns. hahahha. bah. then ms emi looked quite worried at the stage.

i was really nervous. too nervous, and unprepared.

for tap, everyone psychoed themselves to look sexy. ahhaha. then the audince cheered and really gave us alot of enouragements coz it was a realy fast dance after all. ahaha. when it was like silent at one part, we heard ms susan (tap tchr) cheering at the side curtains. ahhaha. we smiled eeven more. i really enjoyed that moment on stage. the whole 5 mins was so so fun. ahaha.

i've learnt alot.

like. u really need to practice to be 'perfect'. not exactlly perfect, but excellent in ur dance. coz its smth u wanna present to ppl who paid $$ for there tixs.
and really, u gotta enjoy wad u're doing. seriously. it shows.

as for lightings. stage lightings are super cool for photography. esp at the side curtains. eveyone is so expressive be it backstage or performeers.

everythign happens so quickly. and u gotta be ready.

b4 my items. i really prayed. for ballet. i must say i wasn't reallly focused on the dance but on like.. the 'wad if's'. wad if i fall and stuff. for tap, i learnt my lesson, and told myself to let loose and just go enjoy gd music, lights and smiles. and i did enjoy myself.

took alot of photos again.ahhaa. oh yea. when taking grp shots, dun risk of not wanting to kill ambience by using flash. use flash. coz if not, really. 40 over ppl no photos. stress.ahaha. usually in grp photo, its the ppl that want to look gd, so flash nice nice then no shake. haha.

after dance.. saw robin.hahaha. he came to support his friends. haha. i didn't call anyone to come... ahhaa. as always. shy. PUII. aha. but yes, shy in dance. haha.

ok. my english is getting bad. literally.



anyways. i really enjoyed myself today, even though i've let ms emi down. this yr's standard is really up. the hip hop is super awesome. ahhaa. i think ms susan is really proud of us. ahhaa.

thanks to mama for the makeup, all the aunties, all my friends, esp teachers and aunty jill who made everything possible. i think through this, i'm becoming more girl- looking for makeup, glitters and stuff like that. HAHAHA. yes. haha. NAH. ahha.
lastly, i think i'm gonna put more effort and passion into my dancing as well. been bochuping for quite some time. haha.

rehearsal

hmm.one basic thing to thank God is that, i'm well! coz of the jab i guess. i didn't feel sick in the evening. in the morning.. was fighting to climb up the stairs.. ahha. kept praying.
(:


did like thousand and 1 thing in sch, trying to help clear as much. glad that i've settle my part on marketing,.. left with pom.

quite scary. its dec 01.

rehearsal was loooong section 1 + 2 + 3 + technical + full dress.
from 1pm-11pm.




haha. yes. be shocked. the unseen side of me to many.
to explain the sunglasses- its coz of the heavy makeup, that i had to put those on to walk out of my neighbourhood. haha.
haha. and the last pic, its amanda. she looks super cool.ahha. (: esp when she dance her hiphop. man. haha.
opportunity cost marian, opportunity cost.


the tap costumes were like.. gd enough to compete with e hookers. yea. u know. haha. hilarious.
ok. anyways. i forgot alot of my tap steps. turn wrongly and stuff like that. thisis due to the lack of gg to practices. hahha. hmm. i think i've irritated this girl behind me.. she had to tell me where to go for one of the formation, while dancing. ahha. on stage.
ballet was fine. just not confident.
gotta love the stage more pls.

thankfully its full dress rehearesal. we had it with the music twice.. but like.. my 2nd time was worse. aahhaha. i'm goona prac tmr morng.
better try clear pom first.
then pack tmr, and prac tmr. haha.

Ooo. thousand and 1 things to do again.

v sick

didn't go sch today.

ytd.. kept vomitting. everything i consumed. even plain water. towards night, diahorrea, stomach pain, body ache, head pain and fever.

see doc. took jab which made me all soft. haha.

sis and mum also kenna. probably food poisoning or stomach flu.

stil feeling alittle sickish now. and vommitttingish.

project have to be cleared. today my mrkting grp suffered. coz i didn't have the energy to send them last night. tmr is full dress rehearsal. and gotta clear up all my work load. gd news is that LOA IS APPROVED! pleasantly surprised.
also, the temp in chiang rai has gone up (: so its more norm now.

keep praying.
i wanna go. i hope that i can be of full health by tonight. have to start packing. if not there's no time, lierally.

keep praying.

approaching

your thoughts translate into words
your words determine your actions
your actions develop into habits
your habits reflect your character
and finally your character decides your destiny

from gary from friend's camp.



the days are approaching.

tmr.
then thurs trng.
fri full dress rehearsal, whole day.
sat, THE DAY.
SUN. OFF TO THAILAND.
sun. BACK.
mon. EXAM.
and then... its 11 of dec already.



haven't packed. nor studied. nor practice.


hmm. thanks feifei today. gotta find that strength lehs. its been sometime. focus? am i out of focus? or too macro focus?

nevertheless, had sc mtng. was a brief one. celebrated president's bday and had pics taken here and there. so yea.

clearing things up now. like projects and stuff. TP RAWKS and stuff as well. SARA PARN. i really appreciate her. i think i'm able to keep my sanity during o levels is because of sara, gera, nat and my exco.

got my costumes today. alot of alterations to do. skirt gotta be short. the sequence gotta sewed onto the tutu. ahha. yes. tutu. erks. but it looks nice when everone's wearing it. tap costume is short, sliiky and fish net stockings. ok. i'm excitied, anxious yet worried. hope everything turns out well.


keep praying
for the ppl in thailand. in sg, i'm already putting on my wind breaker. wad more on the mountains?



lastly,


Happy Birthday, bro.

no trng

no trng on monday.

tp vs np
2 - 0

they've been doing great so far. (: really proud of them.

sch was ok. did alot of study on photog again. i know i shouldn't be at this pt of time. but.. i realy can't discipline myself. i did studied econs. a horrible 2 chpts. and plus many more and mulituply many more subs and chapts.


i have alot of things to do. and i can't really rmbr.. stuff like.. banking in cheque, photocopy passport,.. AND MANY MORE such stuff. highlighter no more ink also cannot find time to go get. needa get book, notebook, this and that. AH

and FRIDAY IS COMING. seriously. tmr is stats TEST. then DANCE, last prac b4 the thing, collect costumes, SC MTNG, .. and.. er.. i can't rmbr.
oh yes. the quizes? dateline is during my trip. thanks.


emails from mr james' proposing more events coming up. more major business events under the NYAA YPN. old sch friends been emailing to ask for outings,.. plan to meet up. IMF photog Camp. dance.



AH.is this like another way of the bad guy trying to distract me and bring me down?


plus. the exams. and 've gotta think of ways to pack my books into my bag and not let it seem heavy. and plus the slping bag, day pack. AHHHHHHH. plus, choontee's CAMERA. Nikon D70s.

its been cold today. already in sg, i'm putting on my jacket. wonder how is the ppl in thailand doing now. wonder how's ulrica nad drew tahaning the cold. wonder how is gland, rach, emma, joel, solo, and georgamy.


cast u out in the name of Jesus man.

hahaha. btw. on sat, one of the lfs player elbowed my arm. was finding the blueblack and i found it. hahaa. only came today. ok this is random.


i'll stay focus. this wk i think i'm goona be quieter in terms of volume. simply too many things to do and plan. like utilising my battery and stuff.. pray man. only God can control everything.


ok. too many things running through my mind. and u know wad. on the radio. i can hear ppl crying out loud that "its too boring". AH. get a life,please? OKS.

i'm off now. tc everyone. sorry if i haven got the time to like chat.

Oasis Touch

Touch! What a game!

on 25.11.06. 8am-6pm. Padang.
5 + 1 games in total.


ours was the U17 ppl.

(15mins each)
TP VS 0FS : 0-0
TP VS UWC : 0-2
TP VS LFS B : 3-1
TP VS LFS A : 0-6
TP VS RJC : 0-2
(25mins)
semis; TP VS LFS B: 1-6





i think overall, we did well. but, there are a few times that we can do much better. the game against RJC was really erks. pls. like.. tecnically, same score against UWC. erks can. i think we played well with UWC, we did gave them a fight.. but against RJC. its either tiredness or complacenacy got the better of us.
i've nv run like that, nor defend like that b4. i realyl tried to give my best. and successfully did most of the times, but not all.

we tied with OFS in the end, but won them with our try difference.
so we got into the semi-finals. we're pleasantly surprised coz we

we had to get it back. after alot of talking and thrashing, we were determined to put on a gd fight. for 25mins, we really thrashed it out. could hear the opp's coach shouting like mad. and u know wad. the 6 touches by LFS is all by NO.6-this world cup Touch player. she like to burn the link and wing. her fake is really fast.. the 4 centres really gotta hold the line and the link must really stay alert.

and lo and behold, izyan (i thinkk) created gap, fizah cut in and broke through and score. man. that moment, tears flowed out like river sia. during game somemore. hahah. could see aisya jumping like mad. marli's jaw dropped. everyone was pleasantly surpried. all of us cheered for that one try. coz IT WAS THE ONLY TRY AGAINST LFS B OVER THE WHOLE OASIS. no other teams scored a try against them. that moment was like. man. we had that fighting spirit and didn't want to give up like wad we did to RJC. we had to redeem ourselves.

i think if we had that spirit throughout the 10hrs, we'll make it against uwc.

haha. btw.. LFS A have this 2 small girls.. and they really can run and fake. ahha. they burnt us , links wings all. haha. they're gd.

our team;
best defender: huda
best team player: syhida
best play maker: izzy
best supporter: ting
most improved player: huda

haha. i heard huda! haha. after the game. "today, i realised the importance of communication". everyone *slaps head. HAHAHAHAHHA. izzy was like.. "err.. that toook u quite a while. ahha" after 5-6 months. ahhaa. but she stepped her opp really well. and aisya was proud of her. (:

overall, on my part. my individual goals:

1) basic drills excuted well - hmm. 70%: i think had 1 chuck passes. and mimal drop balls. punch up.. no serious fumbling.. dumps ok.. but splits still abit slow.
2) quick, penatrating punch up - 60%: punch up happens in the center. i'm usually the link... so for the times i punched up, i think its gd.. we had all 3, and gained all 6 touches.
3) communicate and assure team - 60%: haha. hmm. 1st and last game i did. but the 2,3, 4.. i think wasn't as focused as i should have been.
4) quick decisions, nice loops. - 35%: slow decisions. except for last game, more alert. looping wise. on and off.. sometimes big C, sometimes timing gd but player nv pass off. so yea. ok la. not that bad.
5) attempt fake, breakthrough and be fast. 50%? :.. haha. didn't really tried faking.. more of focusing to create gaps coz my weakness is closing gaps. for the last game, i rmbr i faked. then i saw my oppo go the opp direction. happy sia. but she was fast enough to tap me, and i was slow enough to not run through. if no.. it would have be a nice break through.

haha. i know for the 1st game, i did run well againssdt OFS. so near to the try line..then i touch her and she dumped the ball. HAHA. and u know wad. it wasn't a the tryline but the 5m mark. haha. (: so thats how the score was 0-0.

for the following wks in trngs, i hope to improve on pt 5. i realised that i can actually run if i got that adrenaline to. so, i can run. but then, i'm still not fast enough for those eurasian ppl. they're really really fast. nic is fast. i saw he covering up so much. and from wing.. she can run to centre and touch this eurasian player. for the side, she run.. like wind sia. really. her legs are so long and she's so fast.. literally, there's one game, whoever she chased. whoever she catch. hahah. as for fake. still got room for improvements. coz like no one buys it. ahhaha. only react to it. haha.

thorugh the 10hrs, this team has definitely grew.


after that.. out with zhuan, maybeline, ash, suhaimi, clar, wilson, lilian, vic, ryan, fahmy, blandon and tim. they had a u19 game against scc. 5-3. vic was seriously injured.. ryan was sick. haaha. we ate dinner and walked around.. played around.. haha. we walked as a grp.. slowly, in pairs, dispersed and left zhuan. ahha. suhaimi's idea. felt like small kids again la. but really. its been SO LONG since i've done stupid stuff like that. since sec sch. always doing such stull on sara or gerldayne or nat. hahaha. oh man. the days.

haha. OKs.

went home, slpt. dead on the sofa. till 4 plus.. ran to my room and ploped dead again. woke up, same position. didn't move. whole body ached. calves and back.. haha. went to church. and really felt tired. knees felt like as if it couldn't take my weight. haha. hopefully it gets better tmr. i think now left and rigth is equally bad. haha.





sent the thai team off to thailand. now they are there already, and i'm missing the liangs and rach already. during lunch.. it felt like missing out someone. haha jamine tan. wonder how are they doing. hopefully drew can tahan the cold weather. hopefully they have nice and warm blankets now.
at the aiport was funny. had ppl gg around sticking yellow tapes on the back. haha.



rach and family. hhaha. her sisters. haha. i thought i was gg with them. now i'm gg alone. i think i'l let mum know on thurs. if not she's goona get worried thses few days.




lastly, the headoff prayer. was short. ahha. couldn't take a verynice wide shot.

anyways.
prays.


tmr marks the start of no rest day. after i got home today, at 5plus.. slpet till 8.. then tried to clear some personal stuff. couldn't really study. hmm. yea. long post. off now. nite. (:

some advertisment. haha.

tracks

 
a pic paints a thousand words. 


what i've obtained at eve's house; clockwise direction:

- 1st row. pics of my dad when he's young. probably in his 20's. 1960 plus. i think dad is charming. haha. as in like, my dad is like, i duno la. the best one could ever have. he need not be the brightest, wittiest, quick or top guy in sg. but it's him that makes him unique. he places the family first. then his passion for inventing/making stuff. then his work. its really clear.

- 2nd row. its me. by then, the colour technology was out.

- 3rd row. 1st pic. a protrait shot of yvonne. this is a beautiful shot. i just love it. i'll elaborate later. 2nd pic, probably the rugby boys trng, and the student council meeting. its like.. ancient sia. the sa prefects uniform nv change. haha. 3rd pic. David marshall was Mr. Francis Thomas (former sa principle) gd friend. haha. i've caught a gd protrait shot of David M... and more shots of them making their rallies and stuff like that. its like. back at IMF-ancient



i've literally looked through probably close to 400 pics. old pics. as in those that is really like black and white kind. rare coloured ones. looked though the really old SAV.. and old boys, old sajc girls. haha. the girls were like in 2 standard pony tails and skirts are really high. the prefect's uniform, meetings and stuff.
i felt almost back there in 1960s, at the heart of the village.

the composition of the photographer is really excellent. given those kind of film cameras in the past. its like 'no room for mistake' kinda thing. no photoshop and stuff like that.. i really wonder how did the photographer had an inbulit stabilizer. some shots were shaky. but many were awesome.its like evening kinda lighting and still manage to capture still shots.

the protrait shot of yvoone... i'll give it a 9/10. its like. awesome man. it gives u a soft feeling. probably the filter? the angle is nice. the feeling of the shot is there. its like. man. no words to further describe. but.. totally way awesome.




so basically. i've 'travelled' back to the past of the Thomas-cum-Saints era. back to the old village-village. the boys never seem to change in some sense though. haha. seriously. i dun mind being a guy and study as st andrew's. haha. i duno why... but i feel really attached to st.andrew's. probably its where i grew up- the kindergarden then the occasion visit to church,and the frequent vist to the village now. plus. its a BIG part of my dad's life. afterall, my dad was an old boy who likes to zhao sch. he goes sch, mark his attendance, climb out of the gate to escape and play marbles. and back to sch to mark his end-of the day attendance.
Mr. Thomas always had to catch him back to discipline him, as his uncle, as his principle.
to my dad, mr. thomas has been like a father to him.his blood parents: one gd killed during the war as a solider and the other, an illness. i'm can sure say that if its not for mr. thomas, my dad won't be like my dad. haha. hmm.ya. w/o the thomas family, i doubt my dad wout be existing. hmm.err... would have existed?


i'm motivted to be a photographer. one that capture moments. one that inspire. one that gives hope. there's so much a photog can do, even after death, the msges are still living. i'm inspired. so motivated to capture moments in n. thailand. haha. i'm using a D70s. HAHHAHAAH. it felt so gd, somehow, compared to the D50s. haha.nikon. whole 7 days nikon and my casion pns. canon will still my choice as of yet.


ok enough of the Poon nv ending history.


basicaly, after sch had msn trng. i submittted my LOA as 'Overseas Community work- medical work; N. Thailand'. my cp signed it, like, jist like that coz he was sort of in a hurry, flipping through the 'attached documents'. now its left witht he Course Manager's signature. hmm. even if it's not approve, i cannot possibly turn a deaf ear to my call.

then went for eve's house for cell and to help out with e food for tmr's sa comm day. match tmr too though. ): so yea. pray for gd weather. thanks.


ANYWAYs. msn trng. our last official trng.
to share abti, rach shared, and then jasper. and i realised that the 3 of us, are facing with issues that are relative similar. conflicts PLUS, doing stuff that does not please God that we don't normally do.

seriously. looking back at this month. i've said/felt/done stuff that i dun think i would normally react to. eg. the swearing on the field. and conflicts here and there. the loneliness being alone or even with friends. plus, the exams, stress, eoy actitivties, rectials, matches. everything.

mainly, the team faces distractions. we are so distracted, or rather, too distracted. ultimately, does ur actions really honour God and put Him as a priority in our hearts. do we succumb to fatigue or even resorting to simply giving up?

s attack.

it is so real.

when i realised all these happpens concurrently, i felt afraid for a moment. i felt like. oh man. is my faith shaken? i can surely say NO. but am i up for it with Him?
i believe in prayer. the importance of prayer partner. i'm not sure if this whole thing has hit me, but for sure, i'm reminded. or rather, warned.

i know i'm still in the midst of preparing, being prepared. thats the contrdictary of it all. smaller team. eaiser targets. and really, i'm sure that s is gonna strike even more, trying to take opportunites. the harder we try, the harder he'll try.
but.

that's the whole point of it. put it as- a challenge. are u up of it? or are u just gonna give in to comfort. i cannot say i'm not worried. i am. but at the same time, i'm confident. coz the battle is like won. duh. its how we fight it. how much men can we save.


was sharing we some of them. its like. for me, now at this pt of time, one day.. i feel so enthu. one day, i feel so worried and unprepared. and the next day, i feel another kind of emotion. are all thses part of s' plans? sheesh. at the bottomline, i feel so thankful and assured with DA WORD OK. verses pop by. God's creative way of smsing me.


right now, keep praying. 4 msges recieved abt the weather in thailand. high 29, low 8. and we're goona be in the mountains. so the temp range is goona get trickier. and its like. possibilities of faling physically sick is high.
the team needs prayer. the leaders needs prayer. so pls, do pray.
lastly, the youth team. i'm encouraged by one, and yet discouraged by another. but i'm positive abt stuff la. (: i dun wish to elaborate further. one will know through one's conscience. i dun need to say anything but- pray.
pray for strength. unity. understanding. peace.



amen.

S2006/ NYAA Appreciation Dinner

the place.


there's even a banner


heeheehee.


meet the couples' wed nite. aha. jk. darn nice bros.


this is the real event photographer. ahha. we felt like wierd this time round. ahah



Today is such a beautiful morning night haha. lucky Andass huh. HAHA.



G5 Meetings


G5



The Three Partners.






ok. sch was like marketing day. after that, i headed to the library intending to at least start studying. again, i procrastinated and didn't. instead, i spent 2 hrs reading up on photography and photoshop. the library rocks. yes, i'm actually saying this. haha. i borrowed a bk on photography the fundentals.. hoping that i can brush up my skills. haha. oh well. study should like come right at this pt of time.

missed trng today to go for e event. they did 'zoom' today. and its the last trng b4 SATURDAY. MAN.


at the event, today i realised smth, i did not take my usual wide-angle kinda shot. i always do that at every event. anyways. today was like, got shirt, got cert, got pay, got food, got everything. ahha. was telling meisy and serena..we've seen all the shirts that they guys are wearing b4. haha. its like, IMF again. (: the girls looks really gorgeous today. ahah. meisy serena and i looked alittle underdress beside them.

we had an event photographer today! haha. was like... weird to be shot at such functions. i felt so delegate-ish. haha. wonder how the delegate maintain their cool man. fun la. the whole room to ourselves. after like 8 days of sloggin ourselves out for the best shots we could possibly take, ironically, this is our first dinner together. often it is finger food from the press centre and stuff like that.

on the way down the esclator.. i saw.. "ST HILDA'S PRI ANNUNAL DINNER". ahha. at level 1, bumped into some tchrs.. and only rmbred me when i told them- the tap dancer. HAHA.

nevertheless, i was really (: to see ppl whom i've worked with so hard, running here and there, to and fro, early morngs, late nights, seemingly 24hr kidna job... whom i have not seen for so long.

i guess this dinner, this Apprecitation Dinner as encouraged me in a way. like, oh man, i'm being appreciated till like such a scale. it can be refreshing to a certain extent.


ok. now its like 2.40am. all the best to tmr's game VS RP. i'm sure they'll WIN MAN. hahahahha. after sch, its msn trng and then to eve's house to help for sat's Saints Community Day. ): i wanna be there as well.

muddy

one of the rare times i could follow what's gg on in Accounting.
and P. of Management is really CRAZY. its like. ALOT of concepts. i'm really really really worried for my midsem exams.

sch ended at 6pm today, thus couldn't go for the very last mission dance trng.
after sch, shoot for the match TP VS SP. haha. was quite fun to shoot. pax and vic tackeled each other and started laughing. haha. then the sp crowd laughed too. haha. it was hilarious too see them really having fun despite such a tense match.

well, tp lost. sp, won. haha.

couldn't really take close up with e 18-125mm i borrowed from sch.evil bestest twin didn't bring aloy's 70-200mm lens today! HAHAH. nvm though.. but i feel like bad for aloy, taking the trouble and stuff. ahaha. hmm. and i feel bad that bestest twin would feel bad too.hhaha. bestest SIA. hahhaa.

haha. ANWAYS, THAT 300D. all that memoraries. it has a new batt now. but it is still drinkign up all the batt power. like.. 1 hr 1 batt kinda thing. and its w/o flash. haha.
got some gd shots though. but i'm still trying to work out my shutter, aparture and ISO. was figuring out.. so like quite a no. of my photos were underexposed coz the cam is quite faulty. so is the lens. haha.


i'd think i'll stick to a camera tt is in working condition, if not i can forget abt learning stuff from the practical..

gd to see friends from sa in tp today.. boon rong, jesse, darryl, dw, the usuals tim, vic, pax, maybelline, clarissa, ash.. and suhaimi! haha his hair grew longer now. been really really really loooooooooooong since we've caught up.

after that. was trng. field was nice to dive. i think we played welll and improved alot on our denfence. but on attack, i guess we can communicate more and stuff like that. haha. i'm happy today ok. coz shaz broke through. then i gave chase.. and then i dive and caught her! HHHAHA. i felt so so gd. all that rounds weren't in vain. coz i rmbr that i can't catch her last time. shaz improved alot man. (:
haha. charlotte says that there's flesh-eating bacteria on the field and that is scary. coz i didn't bring change today. haha. imagine that.
i wanna thank ling and ting today though. jsut feel like thanking them..
i hope that we can do well this sat and probably sun.


but today, i think i've upset God. i sweared on the field- twice. man. i gotta learn to tame that tongue of mine. its like poly.. the vocab is so limited that the * word is always being used. as a noun, pronoun, adjective, wadeva. like.. even in class.. even if the tchr is in class, the word is still being used.
c'mon man.we'll like in the 'business' sch. more or less... presentatin wise holds a higher stake.
i'll go search for more vocab. its been long since i've touched the ENG stuff. i miss studying science, really.


despite my sinful act, God still healed me. i didn't sniff today! apart from a few sneezes. haha. yay. feels gd to be gd again. and and and, my knees right, i told myself not to think abt it... and have been trng thighs so that they won't hurt that much and it hellped! what's more is that both knees are gd now! WAHHAHA. (: i'm really happy. keep prayign though. coz when i bend my knees for a while, the pain will come back. haha. but i know God is still protecting sia. haha. (:



anyways. tmr its the Dinner for the IMF photog by NYAA. exciteid to see all my friends! (: wonder how are they. back to formal clothes i guess. i rmbr there was once, after IMF, we went out for dinner.. ahha. then its like.. so different to se everyone dressed so differently.coz during imf, its all those formal stuff.. kinda cool to see them -be their own. haha.


better be off to do work now. been reallllly loaded. loaded with sch work.
thank God that bowling is now on hold, apart from the thursday league that i need to bowl at times...

i just wanna thank God. everyday is just a special day.
i hope to like start studying. if not, man, dun wanna think abt it. haha. (:

tuesday

today was only 2hrs of tutorial.

i had my day.

a day where i could do stuff. morng, woke up still with the blocked nose.. i did my proj and attempted my tutorials.

after sch, went to the lab to acc meipeng b4 i head for dance.
after dance, it was already like 7pm.
and i was home at 8pm! been long since i've got home at such time.


thus, i had alot of time to sit back and think abt stuff.


like in such times.

i do stuff quick. and many a times. too fast. yes, effiecent. productive. but in the process.. what's out of it?
rash conclusions?
my mind went through alot. its like. am i really living a life that is a living sacrifice?

do i really want things to go al-so perfect?

certainly, i've lost my strength. or rather, i've lost that ability to seek God for strength. i fight, on my own when i know i shouldn't. its like. a tight rope, flying a kite and stuff like that.. whereby this is this, that is that. and if this or that, either we fall or fly away.

to like simply, thnk positively. its not jsut some casual.. 'eh. think positive leh'. coz when i say to think positively, i mean it. i haven been positive abt stuff lately. even if i have, its for selfish reasons. i dun want that.


i'm really falling back on encouragements by ppl like mr lim, ms devi, ms soo, mrs teo and Joanne. their words seem to go a lifeling with me. haha. ironaically, they are teachers, i dun mean anything la.


to look forward. i'll try to be more positive yet, efficient still. always in love, will i carry out my tasks. i'll continue to be responsible. and more impt, the word 'strength' will try not to let it sink too far down beyond redemption.

i have to learn how to let things go. from things, to ppl. i have to. this is where my strength has been forfeited for.


its another of life's leraning experience and by far, this yr has been the toughest yr. can't wait to do my 'yearly summary pts'.


Poon Marian.
haha. i rmbr when i was really young, i used to be really proud of my name. like even when the teacher calls or like write my name on the board, i just feel so so proud of it. even when durign bowling competions, i make sure my full name is up there and in the right order if not, i'll take the trouble to go seek the counter staff to change.
now, its like that 'glitter' along the letters is fading. i have to seek it back.

but first, i need to make sure i'm alongside with the Word. then, i cannot procrastinate nor give myself lame excuses which will led to regret.


i'm still learning. i'm still growing.


thank u all for being part of my life. be it those who bring me down, make me happy, cheer me up, beat me up, scold me,encouraged me, backstab/betrayed or even thought of me, thank u all. if its not for anyone around me, i guess i wouldn't be who i am now. i'll still continue to be marian. but i'll strive to be a role model as a person. but i know lar, i'll still say my stuff.i just gotta know how to not be so blunt or too sharp and at the same time, hit the heart of anyone whom i hope to help. just pray that i dun get misinterpreted or misunderstood.


ahaha. i sound as if i'm like er... i duno how to put it la. er.too techincal abt the heart. nah.

i just want to thank God for being who He is.



btw, TPiranhas won 3-0 against SP. YAY! (: we have cool seniors.

yea, tell me abt it.

rp came like 45mins late for the game wit ite.. so we started trng later.


was really muddy today.


i have to post all this nonsense.

what was said, was already said.
i THOUGHT that there was understanding from the team.
however, i went to the toilet, and came back, this person just had to tell another person from the U21, "today someonetoday cried sia.." then i was there, so i dumped my shoe bag loud enough to be heard so she didn't continue talking.

i thought this could be trusted. after what we've said and shared...

i duno. that moment, i needed you to voice out ur feelings. ended up me alone. and then, now, i strongly feel this label.
just because of that. yes. hard impact huh.

ok. u can call me petty, sensative or wadeva and wadsoeva.
all i know is that i've done my part by saying what and how i feel.
its up to u guys whether u want to take it seriously and maturely or not.

as far as i'm concerned, i'll still continue to play my best in the team, as a team. i'll take it in. and take it in. when necessary, i'll take it out. really. as one sports team, this should not be the way.

i just hope that we will humble ourselves. we can win it. but with complacency and individuals in the team, to even play a good game that's worth Aisha smiling for, is freaking difficult. coz rugby, is abt team. as long as one men is not as one, that's it.


i dun think 'judgement' was the right word to use. couldn't find any better word. but betrayal? how abt that? too serious?

so. thurs i'm unable to go for trng due to the final IMF thanku meeting-cum-many-things. so how's that goona be portrayed to the team? think abt it.


luckily, today no fitness. coz i'm still like sick and my flu is blocking my air passages. to also clarify. i dun really think that my emotional state today was due to any emo stuff outside the field. i really do fully understand. but understanding doesn't necesary comes with tolerance.

u can shout scold kill me on the field. i really do understand. even with harsh evil and i-want-u-dead kinda tone, i dun mind. but what is impt is what comes from the heart. at the end of the day, it leads me to even asking.. are we humble enough to learn from each other. are we humble enough to listen? are we sporting enough to balance both agression and regression?

i just want to thank manda. also to izzy and ting. period.




sometimes its like.. i wish that everyone knew who God is. and acknowldge and accept.



ok. solomon. i'm not afraid to disclose u or wadsoeva. so, imagine if i did, and u would be .. marian this and that again. and all that colourful words are out again. ok. then tell me why u dun come on certain sunday mornings? i know i'm in no position u acquire an explaination from u. i really duno how to tell u stuff that i want you to know. stuff that i desperately want u to know before u head off to Thailand. and then again, would u even acknowledge?


SHEESSSH.


is this is like *ahem attack or smth. i face so many walls. its like. issit me? times like this. i need sara parn. i need you. i need ms devi. who would understand me. i wish to go back to kc and study with ppl who understands.so bounded by God's love. is one able to be over dependant on God's love? i thank God for zheng, he reminds me to live a walking testimony for God jsut by being himself. at the point, ppl all around me, confuse me. who am i? too much of a perfectionist? or wad.
so if i say i am problematic. am i really promblematic? do i think too much for others, according to some of my friends? or am i just anoter irritating fella who's trying to stirr up some trouble do i really need appreication? come to think of it, if it's not for Dennis, pat, cell leaders and joanne. i think i'll really go astray and be a person who needs serious councilling.

all i know is that i try my best to 'satisfy' everyone. i know i can't. but i do know why am i actually taking the trouble to actually go through all this. ic an choose not to. but i want to take this. i guess now i understand what the long and narrow road really means. and its goona get tougher.

i'm really frustrated.




sometimes its like.. i wish that everyone knew who God is. and acknowldge and accept.



-
offically 3rd of dad's departure. still, won't forget that very smile whom everyone missed.

sick.

finally i'm sick.
been dripping alot. like really alot. i can sit and stare at this screen for 3mins and my nose leaks.


haha.


fri prac till 11pm plus. ytd, 11pm plus, today morning, worship prac, followed by mission trng. then helped to pack the med and old clothing and stuff.


today is dear ulrica birthday! (: 16th now. haha.


today is like struggle.



"Yoda of Rivendell says:
Just to encourage y ou - was blessed by your ministering in music last night and this morning. God bless."


from uncle vincent.



tmr is like my dad's 3rd year of departure. 3 yrs back at this time, sis and i were at the bedside, and mum was rushing back again.



to simply put it ironically, there is alot gg in my head now. my body is starting to ache. pls dun let it be viral attack or smth. match, recitals, trip, exams.

pls do pray. coz from 1st dec till 1th dec, i won't be having any breaks but mind-straneous activities.

and in the midst of all these, i still can somehow be worried and affected by you. ur heart, where? and how? i can only watch from afar, and pray.

Worship Night 2006

God is indeed always faithful.

on my part, great experience. smth technical abt playing for God is that when u make mistake, at the end of the day, it doesn't really matter coz its for God. ppl also wouldn't really bother to rmbr coz the time is for God and only Him. so everything around Him becomes, small. to put it.

yea. really thank God so much for working in our lives and using us as instruments. the passage abt the walls of Jerico keeps flashing in my head. and today, God seems to be like, constantly speaking to me b4 the night begun.

i mean like yea, i play for sunday service and stuff.. but today, its like, so much abt God's calling and stuff. ok wait. i really duno how to put it, but all i can say is that God works so much in this preperation. this morning, i had really little faith. it took me quite a while to decided to not go for rectial prac but instead, to join the team in prayer for the event at 4pm. i wanna thank God for that coz it has nv been easy to do the opportunity cost thing. the verse 'you of little faith....sluggish..' keeps repeating in my head. its like. oh man. haha. i really felt, not worthy.

one of the many thing ot thank God is for the logisitics team. the 'music team' and logistics ppl always have stuff to work out. and usually, its really a tough job for both parties. but tonite, the sound coming out from the speakers we so so different from pracs. so so much better in some sense. i could hear myself more of the time as compared to pracs.


also to the committee. for orgainising and praying. the ppt slides are like way beyond cool. the videos and stuff. so cool.

glad to see ling and my evil twin.. ahaha. all had a great time
i'm tired. nite man.

decisions

i'm still slow with decisions on the field. i know what needs to be done.... but i dun use it.. today wholeday played winger. coach was like.. why dun u play center and try to do smth (referring the the play making).

i duno man. i'm like -afraid. coz my team mates are always there and i feel so inferior to play centre. i lack confidence. coz of my poor attendance due to bowling.

the team is starting to pick up. i feel that we can do much better. somehow, no offence to anyone, when DD was with us, we had that drive and direction. now like with the 18yrs and above ppl gone, i think we're more lac on ourselves.

like.. i mean that if u say u wanna improve and learn, dun just day it. do it. i waited since 5pm, hoping that u'll show up coz u said u would. but instead, u even came late for trng. ok, nvm, i understand. but i'm referring to accountability. u can get my no. from ur friends if u dun have mine. and i'm here to help.
ok.
i'm trying not to be petty over this kind of thing, coz really, u're improving. but u haven touch ur potential yet. and the team has like.. 2 trngs more.

i duno if we're being too complacent? or too relax on ourselves? or, we feel that we are just there. like no drive to wanna go further. i really hope that coach dun feel discourage coz she's really trying hard and putting alot of faith and confidence in us.

i still feel that we can do much better. same goes to me. i haven been as bold as i should have been on the field. i should be more positive.

now is the time when bowling is not so xiong now. i better use it wisely. but this coming thurs i have the IMF dinner. both are impt.

i hope that my team mates reads this. not to like have godless chatter here and there or to redeeming anyone inc me, but, to come to an understanding that i really dun want us to waste this opportunity and take for granted the patience coach has for us. coz it'll be the last time ever that we'll be playing U17. and really. to like 'lose' technically to people who are perhaps younger than us, is really not nice for tp's touch name la. ya ya. they can be more experienced than us and i shouldn't like place a label over ppl younger than us. but like in sports wise, age plays an impt role.

at 'this level', we're played against the clubs in NTL. u know like how fast they can be and all lar. they are so so much faster.

i think i'm talking too much.

i just want to be a better, faster and fitter player. i dun want to break through and end up being caught. i just dun like that.

projects are all at the tip. its not that i'm busy, but LAZY to actually give my best.


sheeesh. throbing. bobbing. can't we have like Zacterday. like another day in the wk. ok this is lame. i'm just taking for granted abt the time God has given us. not gd.


worship nite prac tmr. i really hope to do well. coz sat is like BUSY. and i've got a feeling that i'm goonna disappoint dash.. but dun worry la. i know God loves me. (: HARS. pray for discipline. pray for God's presence. pray for His ppl.




from http://www.touchsingapore.org/




Friday, November 10, 2006 / 12:59 AM

The Ministry of Education has officially recognised Touch (Football) as a CCA-Sport in the national school network.

This will allow schools to affiliate with Touch Singapore and for eager young participants to join the junior development pathway and progress their involvement as players and junior officials both locally and internationally.

Touch Singapore offers every member both young and old the oportunity to actively participate in a wide range of events and technical development opportunities and opens the doors for all participants to enjoy both social and competitive competition in Singapore and with the 30 plus (and growing) F.I.T. member nations around the world.

If you want to know more about how you can get involved in the Mod-Touch Junior Development Programme or get your school involved in Touch - contact Touch Singapore!








Touch Singapore – Code of Behaviour

Players: -

Play by the rules

Never argue with an official. If you disagree with a decision, have your captain, coach or manager approach the referee at an appropriate time

Control your temper

Be a good sport

Treat all participants in Touch as you would like to be treated

Cooperate with your team mates, coach and opponents. Without them, there would not be any competition.

Respect the rights of all participants regardless of their gender, ability, cultural background or religion
Parents: -

Remember that children participate in sport for their enjoyment, not yours

Encourage children to participate, do not force them

Focus on a child’s efforts and performance rather than on winning or losing

Encourage children to always play by the rules

Never ridicule a child for mistakes or for losing

Respect officials decisions and teach children to do like wise

Respect the rights of all participants regardless of their gender, ability, cultural background or religion
Program Leaders: -

Remember that young people participate for pleasure and winning is only part of the fun

Never ridicule or yell at a player for making a mistake or not coming first

Be reasonable in your demands for all players time, energy and enthusiasm

Operate in the rules and spirit of the sport and encourage your players to do the same

Ensure that all players time with you is a positive experience

Avoid over-playing the talented player as the average player deserves equal time

Ensure that your equipment and facilities meet safety standards

Display control, respect and professionalism

Show concern and caution for sick or injured players

Ensure that any physical contact with any young people is appropriate to the situation and necessary for the players skill development

Respect the rights of all participants regardless of their gender, ability, cultural background or religion
Teachers: -

Create opportunities to teach appropriate sports behaviour as well as basic skills

Give priority to ‘free play’ and ‘modified’ sports over highly structures competition for young children

Make young people aware of the positive benefits of participation in sporting activities

Help young people to understand that playing by the rules is their responsibility

Offer all young people equal opportunity to participate in administration, coaching, refereeing as well as playing

Respect the rights of all participants regardless of their gender, ability, cultural background or religion
Administrators: -

Involve young people in planning, leadership, evaluation and decision making

Offer all young people equal opportunity to participate

Create pathways for young people as players, coaches, referees and administrators

Ensure that the rules, equipment, length of games and training schedules are modified to suit the age and ability of young people

Provide quality supervision and instruction

Help coaches and officials highlight appropriate behaviour and skill development

Emphasise involvement and not winning at all costs

Make it clear that any abuse (physical or verbal) of any players is unacceptable

Respect the rights of all participants regardless of their gender, ability, cultural background or religion
Officials: -

Modify the rules and regulations to match the skill levels and needs of young people

Compliment and encourage all participants

Be consistent, objective and courteous when making decisions

Condemn unsportsmanlike behaviour and promote respect for opponents

Emphasise the spirit of the game

Encourage and promote rule changes that make participation more enjoyable

Be a good sport

Place the safety and welfare of all participants above all else

Promote an equal opportunity for all young people regardless of their gender, ability, cultural background or religion

home early!

today was sp and np match guys rugby.


also, today. is my first time gg home after sch!! haha. besides gg to watch the rugby match. (: haha.

tmr is already thurs!! and its like.. monday just passed.


today, my knees seems better. ahha. should have heed aiysha's advice to train with my knee guard. i hope i dun get dependant. HMM. i'll probably go see singseh or cgh on tue. probably cgh first or smth. see how la.


projects are piling. not really looking forward. haven't hit the bks yet and i should if i wanna go Uni. i must not procratinate.


next wk is the IMF DINNER. hoho. (: but its on a thurs which means i have to skip trng.

worship nite is coming, and i'm really not 'prepared' coz i'm alittle afraid that i'll forget how the intro of the songs go.

borrowing lens from aloy. probably a 70-200 to shoot rugby on wed. tp and sp match. the guys say that if tp win, got free show to watch. ahha.

looking through IMF file of photos, i really miss the ppl there.. meisy, leying, jisheng, melvin, willy, andass and so on. man. QMAR's pics just make me laugh. ok. emo hahah.

well. today was interesting.


mu mind is just, like.. cheese balls. alot gg on. so my post, as u can see, its like rojak.

Diploma in...

Marketing

was struggling if shouuld i choose dip in biz (corp com and marktg as my elective). did some researcha n guess wad!! NUS HAS CNM!!! Communication and new media management. OH MAN. its like CMM. HOHOHO. i hope to study hard. coz from poly to u is not gona be easy.

hmmm.

i think i should get the insurance from sch. coz i did in fact injure myself during sch trngs.

ok. it all started from my back. then rugby, causing my left knee form bowling. then my right knee. and now my back, again.


last monday, during the 3 rounds, i felt that i could not accelerate. i simple could not stride fast. after that.. we resumed trng.. then on defense.. my back hurt so so so much. so was water break. then we sat down. i tried to get up twice and i couldn't. i freaked out for a moment. when i tried to stand, my back almost killed me.

so coach told me to sit there and dun move.

oh man. for like the last 35min. i sat there and literally, sat at the side to watch. was so irritating. but i did took time to reflect on the team and stuff.

we have technically 3 more trngs to the game.we hope to win. really. its the only chance this time round. but our attitude isn't that hungry as much. there are alot of stuff la.

today had sc mtng. glad that almost all came.

this month of nov is gonna pass so so fast and i dun think i can even rmbr what happened.

heaard that in dance, i'm put infront. GRRRRRRR. i really hope RECONSIDER pls. coz i haven been gg for the rehearsals.


keep praying. worship nite is goona be so super awesome coz God will be coming. haha.. (: pray for msn team as well..

official photog back.

the crazy confirmed-tees




hooh. since IMF that i've become an official photog. today was church's Confirmation. used uncle Kok Chi's Nikon D50s. ok lar. nikon pics dun look nice on the LCD. but on the com, nice sia. i was like. hey.. the colour is nice after all. haha. i'm still comfortable with canon though.

anyways.

yea. i was a little appprehensive. then b4 service started, unc kw made an annoucement which addded stress. ahha. "later for confirmation, pls refrain from crowding in front. we'll be having someone to take the photos of all the candidates. so dun worry, u'll be able to get the photos". THANKS. haha. i was told of the announcement nor the 'scale' of it. hahaha. i felt more nervous than IMF. at least in IMF, i've got another photog with me. haha.


she looked at me i shoot. haha.


during confirmation, i was taking pics and all lars. i could feel the goosebumps and all. i have to admit that i felt afraid. i know i shouldn't be.. but yea i was shaking.. then i started tearing... while taking the shots. uncle david who was beside me was also crying while taking photos... i told myself to focus. yea, ppl fell, but i was so afraid to take pics of them on the ground, so i kept my head high and carried on with the shots. it was overwhelming. i told myself to focus on my task. hahaa. nv nv cry during photoshoot. it's not gonna be easy to see if ur shots are in focus. ahaha. try.




Rev Rennis was simply connecting to God. its like, when he prayed, it was power to strike through ur heart. like.. he prayed "heal all broken wounds... forgive those who has taken advantage of u, ur business partners.. surrender to God..." i was like.. seriously. i'm so so sure that it all came from the Lord and he knew wad to pray out verbally. it was really overwhelming. i duno how to discribe it.. but eugene was also telling me that the musicians sitting at the side could also feel the power of the Holy Spirit and goosebumps were everywhere.

haha. then the grp shot, i was nervous... afraid that i'tll be over exposed. i duno if its me or the camera.. but when i'm with mr wilson's 300d, its either always over or under.. with nikon.. i feel that its over.. but it look gd on the computer.



congrats to all! (:


overall. i think i did well. haha. not bhb la. but at leat i'm able to cover single candidate.


after that.. mission trng..

haha. happy to learn thai and akha! haha. was fun.



after that was Worship Nite prac.



i dun feel confident enough to push the vol higher? sigh. haha. i really wanna play like as well so that it doesn't become any form of distraction.
its said that they're chaning it to Sanctuary.. technical pros and cons lar.


today i really felt exhausted. after 8hrs of bowling, late night supper and not enough slp, was alittle slow today. OH YES. I SINFULLY SINNED. ok it was Communion. Rev sort of like missed out me to give me the bread.. probably my hands were too low or smth. haha. so he prayed for me.. then the musicians saw and like giggled.. ahha. so ok la.. after much consideration, i went for 2nd round. then i took the bread, and wanted to dip into the wine. and i dropped the bread into it, and my fingers were like, wet. hahha. then uncle kia wang who was the officiant who gave the wine, took out the bread, from the cup and ate it. so technically i didn't take Communion. its reallly like hilarous on the physical part of it. but the spiritual part.. it seemed like.. 'not properly excuted'. i was reflective abt it... coz the communion is one of the most sacred ritual.. and the Bible states smth abt 'fallen asleep'.. which means to die la. hahaha.
no, i'm not afriad of the death part, just afriad that it would upset God.


then went to mac to eat ice cream with jas.. coz indeed on smth tt gives energy.
then cabbed home with my guitar and amplifer. the taxi driver was really talkative. i was so so tired.. he keeps talking n ask my repeated q. like " u play the guitar ar. can teach me anot (6 times)" and on and on and on.. then i give him directions.. he say.. "wah..see uncle so obediant. u say turn right, i turn right.. good ar". *slaps head. i so so so irritatied. and wad's more is that.. it was all in CHINESE. "u 17? so old ar. i thought 12. haha. not angry right (abt 5 times)".
it was a looooooong ride home. suffered. wanted to go and celebrated grace's bday. but really couldn't. btw. "sick, cannot go church but can go out." - wads ur take on this? possible reasons are like felt better so go out. but still. I, marian, is becoming to be more by-the-book.

went home, sinked into the sofa, and watched tv. oh man. i felt like i-am-now-resting. from 730pm till 1030. wanted to do tutorials and like study b4 i leave singapore.. but i think i needed the break. i guess i'll start tmr. and yes. it ahs become a really gd reason to procrastinate.


i wanna go OUT and ENJOY. haha. like sooo long haven done that. i treat my social life as schling, trng, church and stuff. but still. ahaa. NVM. why am i even ranting when i'm not angry or anything? haha. oh well.

i try to look forward to the coming weeks. its goona get tougher instead. the end of POL-ITE marks the start of it all.