yea, tell me abt it.

rp came like 45mins late for the game wit ite.. so we started trng later.


was really muddy today.


i have to post all this nonsense.

what was said, was already said.
i THOUGHT that there was understanding from the team.
however, i went to the toilet, and came back, this person just had to tell another person from the U21, "today someonetoday cried sia.." then i was there, so i dumped my shoe bag loud enough to be heard so she didn't continue talking.

i thought this could be trusted. after what we've said and shared...

i duno. that moment, i needed you to voice out ur feelings. ended up me alone. and then, now, i strongly feel this label.
just because of that. yes. hard impact huh.

ok. u can call me petty, sensative or wadeva and wadsoeva.
all i know is that i've done my part by saying what and how i feel.
its up to u guys whether u want to take it seriously and maturely or not.

as far as i'm concerned, i'll still continue to play my best in the team, as a team. i'll take it in. and take it in. when necessary, i'll take it out. really. as one sports team, this should not be the way.

i just hope that we will humble ourselves. we can win it. but with complacency and individuals in the team, to even play a good game that's worth Aisha smiling for, is freaking difficult. coz rugby, is abt team. as long as one men is not as one, that's it.


i dun think 'judgement' was the right word to use. couldn't find any better word. but betrayal? how abt that? too serious?

so. thurs i'm unable to go for trng due to the final IMF thanku meeting-cum-many-things. so how's that goona be portrayed to the team? think abt it.


luckily, today no fitness. coz i'm still like sick and my flu is blocking my air passages. to also clarify. i dun really think that my emotional state today was due to any emo stuff outside the field. i really do fully understand. but understanding doesn't necesary comes with tolerance.

u can shout scold kill me on the field. i really do understand. even with harsh evil and i-want-u-dead kinda tone, i dun mind. but what is impt is what comes from the heart. at the end of the day, it leads me to even asking.. are we humble enough to learn from each other. are we humble enough to listen? are we sporting enough to balance both agression and regression?

i just want to thank manda. also to izzy and ting. period.




sometimes its like.. i wish that everyone knew who God is. and acknowldge and accept.



ok. solomon. i'm not afraid to disclose u or wadsoeva. so, imagine if i did, and u would be .. marian this and that again. and all that colourful words are out again. ok. then tell me why u dun come on certain sunday mornings? i know i'm in no position u acquire an explaination from u. i really duno how to tell u stuff that i want you to know. stuff that i desperately want u to know before u head off to Thailand. and then again, would u even acknowledge?


SHEESSSH.


is this is like *ahem attack or smth. i face so many walls. its like. issit me? times like this. i need sara parn. i need you. i need ms devi. who would understand me. i wish to go back to kc and study with ppl who understands.so bounded by God's love. is one able to be over dependant on God's love? i thank God for zheng, he reminds me to live a walking testimony for God jsut by being himself. at the point, ppl all around me, confuse me. who am i? too much of a perfectionist? or wad.
so if i say i am problematic. am i really promblematic? do i think too much for others, according to some of my friends? or am i just anoter irritating fella who's trying to stirr up some trouble do i really need appreication? come to think of it, if it's not for Dennis, pat, cell leaders and joanne. i think i'll really go astray and be a person who needs serious councilling.

all i know is that i try my best to 'satisfy' everyone. i know i can't. but i do know why am i actually taking the trouble to actually go through all this. ic an choose not to. but i want to take this. i guess now i understand what the long and narrow road really means. and its goona get tougher.

i'm really frustrated.




sometimes its like.. i wish that everyone knew who God is. and acknowldge and accept.



-
offically 3rd of dad's departure. still, won't forget that very smile whom everyone missed.