champions league

happy that Man U lost. hahas.
Barcelona's gd. the way they played.. sia la. Messi's like.. whoas. he can join bball man. did u see how high he jumped to get that header.

proves one thing: small ppl can do great things.

the commentator can agree with me to that also. hahah.
Man U only depends on that no. 7. ahahs. see his face keep coming up on the screen want to like tie him to a chair and twist his ankles. ahhas.omg. so mean. he so mean to other ppl! hahas




ok. so

today,
i mega failed with 2 immediate and 30 pts. tmd
i thought i could do better. each time i do.. like get worse. hahhas. HAIZ.
5TH TIME MAN.





u know,
sometimes i think the world strive too hard to be someone else. to be someone one is not that proud of. its like... we start living by ppl's judgemental calls rather than by our principles and logics.

i think life is tough. ya ya, no one said it's easy. hahs. but i'm enjoying every bit of it.




when i was younger... i go to church because i really loved sermons.. its like. tadah.. a new aspect of the Bible, closer to God and knowing Him and all.. and... ppl actually questioned my faith and purpose of gg church and not it a nice way. its like.. wth; a way that they THINK it should be and not mine. its like governing my life purpose. then that faded away..

and then.. its the friends. the wanting to bond. the wanting to just have fun. then, the meetings come in. ppl start to get busy. if u reject some sort of assigned task.. u're like indirectly rejecting fellowship time which is so ironic. want to go out, not free. want to eat tgt, busy. haha. then later... it faded away.

so.. it turned to my mum. mum goes to church so i go to church.. OR.. i go to church, mum goes to church. i want mum to go to church.
now, she's like fully and highly taking care of the aka ICU baby, i've lost drive. i even find it a chore. something i need to fulfill and not like willingly want to do.
u know, i can like picture how sad God is. here i am, He loves me so much and there i am running away. both parties tangled.
and the best part is, i know that all these is blatantly 'wrong' and i keep running.
win alrdy.


maybe ppl can point finger at the rebellious figure of me. at the the-more-u-want-it-the-more-i-dont-give-in attitude. well, heck it. its like.. "hey.. keep praying" and then, pray without doing any actions. yes, God is a God of miracles, no buts but.. it takes 2 bloody hands to clap hard.


blame me, doubt me, accuse me, reprimand me and my faith for all i care. its like.. many chances wasted. i've tried and now that i've retreated, ppl start marching forward.

u see. humans DO NOT treasure current things. they only know how to regret when they lose them. just like how i lost my dad and feeling all regretful that i didn't play more with him and so on.




actually, this phase has been quite a while leading to now. 2 yrs? from the time we moved back to PP? church as become a place where ppl keep doing things to expand expand expand, to bring in more ppl. and, forgetting our own dying soldiers. and even working so hard on the Sabbath day. everyone's tired, everyone's watching, talking, but no sincere actions.

did i mentioned, during the shortest mission trip i ever had in march.. i really struggled alot. my heart wasn't right and i went in faith because i felt that i needed to help out. i felt that it was the longest time ever on those nights. i felt like crushed up metal. rusting in the sea, letting the waves hit me hard and still not responding, but surely, rusting.


i dont think anyone has the best concoction to have an excellent and perfect church or ministry besides the One up there. but i do know that its not the things that we do in church that keeps the body of christ strongly together, but its more of the strong relationship bonds and friendship that has been cultivated through sacrifices and deeply sincere hearts.
it's not out of responsibility, but out of pure love. there's a huge difference in a long run.
maybe that's just my own thinking w/o a stance.
just like squeezed out toothpaste that cannot be retracted. but, with effort and much patience and countless failures, i believe that the paste can actually go back into the tube. much battle scars will remain, but what's saved, will be saved for long.



ya ya, go ahead. read this and then talk abt this amongst urselves, and then, ask me out for meals to clarify. i'm tired of all these wanting-to-make-things-right.
i dont have the answers nor can i give u the answers that u ppl want to hear and feel happy about. i'm just gg to pray, and really start being obedient to God once again and not to man.



enough of blabbing emo stuff.




oh man. i'm down with flu.
sat morng semi finals agains UWC. tmd. 1st vs 4th and 2nd vs 3rd. we're 2nd. UWC's super gd.. they're 3rd coz they had lots of bi games.

slides

went sengkang pool to swim today.

ahhas. all the slides.
last time p4 and all.. not scared.. just go only. now.. scared like made. some more its like.. maybe 4 times less scary.


yea. that's abt it.

got a call from this co. that i applied for PT job way long time ago.
kinda sian to go for the interview as i still wanna waste my hols away. ahhas.
time to change perspective. instead of spending my last few hols of my life nua-ing away and actually enjoying my life at home doing what i want to do.. maybe this PT job will allow me to open my eyes to more sporting scenes in SG.




u see,
after Uni, it'll be like straight into the workforce all the way. thus, during this period of time, its my only offical hols forever. haha. so yea. i do want to treasure it and do the many trails in sg, pass my bike ASAP and so on. hahas.




my neck's getting better! (:


oh yea. mum wanted to throw some of my assessment bks away sometime back. i dugged it all back and started to do instead of playing PSP on the way home or smth. ahahas. sec 2. I DONT KNOW how to do alot of Q! siaow man. felt super stupid now and very clever last time. hahahs. so i'm stuck at sec 2. ahhahas. but was fun.

museum

watched Night at the Museum 2 today.
it's been a long time since i've watched such a hilarious movie. ahhas. should watch it. ahahhs. super entertaining.




friends.
dont call them also make noise.
call them also not free.


how man.






hahas. tsk tsk. this world just dont know how to think rationally.
or for that matter, practically.





i want to ride more.

it was my wk ends

on sat, it was Singapore All Schools.
TP sent in 4 teams!!
hahas. ok. i ref-ed like 9 games. 10-1-10.
i finally got an official whistle.
and TP snr team won (: was damn tight with RP.


super tired


today. after every valued rest, my calves ached. ahhas.
didn't stretch ytd.
afternoon, i went to see the Kent Ridge trail com.
didn't get to see my hot girl ):. hahas
but, i saw too many super cool bikes.

makes me feel "at the bottom of the food chain". quoted from dickson and geraldine.



ian's there. he's gooood.
makes me feel inspired.

editing

failed prac 5 again.
2 immediate failures, 16pts.


collected sundown race pack today.
went home edit photos.
and watch all the X-Men movies.



feels like a sat.

the rides

had theory lessons today.
boring.




i've so much thoughts in my head that i can't bother penning them down.




sometimes i think friends expect to much. and then, they themselves commit the same 'mistakes'. and then, you are forever in the wrong.

i miss geraldyne. she wrote to me from australia. (:
sara parn and her played a big part in my growing years back in KC. where we argued and fought about stupid stuff.. grumbled about prefects stuff... covering each other duties... studying tgt... and so on. hah. the memories.



the thing about life..
ppl give u advices. sometimes, though they make it sound so good n in-ur-face, its not the right one for you. this hidden pressure sets in and then u get confuse.
i do have my fair share of probs in the past. ppl tell me to focus. ppl tell me what to do and what not. not that i'm being a rebellion, but seriously, how would u know what i'm feeling if u're not in my position or never even be in my position. then then.. they do the you-are-so-wrong speech making u feel that u've sinned big time.



for now, i'm glad that i've partically sucked in some of their advices but more often, not. it makes me look at a probably bigger picture. though not the ideal one for me, but probably another learning pt.


i believe in enjoying myself and being responsible about it. and of course, all glory goes to God if i do win anything as a bonus.



though i'm like hitting the big 2 of my age, i still feel that i'm in the struggling-to-grow-up-phase. in secondary sch and in my poly days, i thought i had control. as i grow older, ppl around me tend to be more.. hmmm. anal?


ah. whatever. as long as i'm responsible for my words and actions and accountable to God, i think i'm fine.

dreams and nightmares

last night. i had so many dream. and nightmares. i'm blogging at like 12.22pm now coz i want to like rmbr them. ahhas
in segments sia.

ok. first.. X-Men

i can't who i was.. but there an evil mystique. mystique can transform into eveybody but she has a black left eye and her face features still remain partially the same. ahhas. so to spot the difference between the real and fake one.. she her left eye. ahahas. it was funny la. then like.. she tried to kill all of us. can't rmbr the details but we're all in this white house.


second... HAHHA.
it was eveleen with jay and i and this very close friend of mine.
the whole dream is about finding a place to eat for dinner. hahahs. went through alot of old buildings.. huge big old cargo lifts... sandy terrains and run down cafes and so one. on this particular country old looking road, we saw mark (our cousin) eating a piece of meat chop that's on those brown paper. quite a cool country thing. the whole scene likes like in a brown tone. ahhahs. so we asked him... what meat is he eating. he said.. 'camel'. ahhas. i was like.. so if u bite it.. got water come out anot. ahas. ok.. lame.. but i rmbr tat joke.


it was wierd.
throughout the dream, i rmbr my 'brother' and i being very close. so close to a point that eveleen and jay started to suan us. looking back now, it's damn wierd. because in real life, we really like watch out for each other just like how siblings do.


anyways. 3rd segment. scary one.
i'm not sure if we did find a place to eat. but i wanted to go toliet. i ask eve to accompany me. it was a v v rundown place. the toliet looks more like a storeroom. since the place was so eerie, i asked her to come in with me. hahas. so after i did my business.... we walked out of the toliet.. then out side through the window, we saw this girl. small girl.. i can't rmbr what she was saying.. but soon enough.. i rmbr shouting "i rebuke you in the Name of Jesus". then.. more kids of about 7-12yrs old came to surrond ask. the whole scene was still like a brown-ish, negative hue colour.

the more i shout... i realised my voice couldn't come out. it was sort of like being suppressed. we tried to find our exit. each time we shouted that, the little zombified kids take a few steps back and pressed on again. ahhas. damn scary.
then it was to a point.. they no longer had any effect to wait i was saying... so eve and i tried to climb over this green fence while they tried to come for us.


hahas. just then....
my phone rang.


hahahas. i woke up.. stonned abit.. and it was the brother in the dream who called me on my hp. ahhas. i was like.. omg.. am i still in the dream or wake up alrdy. ahahhs. it rang until it became a miss call then i went back to sleep.



ahhhas. this is all so so wierd.

Ride of Silence

can't go for trng coz my neck still very restricted.

so i went for Ride of Silence.
we went 1hr late.. so we're like the last batch.

oh yea. b4 the event, saw ian! ahhas. the last time i saw him was when we went to pulau ubin like 8 yrs ago? hahahas. yea. should hang out soon. (:


they say to ride at 20km/h and below. and we're like averaging 23-24km/h. it was about a 20km route... from the merlion park to queensway.. holland v.. tanglin and back.
jo was with me again, like a big brother taking care of his sister. coz the route was dangerous! had to like cut 3-4 lanes in to make a right turn. then had to let the bus see us. it was like a roadie event la. ahhas. with our trail bikes.. it was hard work up those hills.


the leader pax was so darn fast and some of us were left behind due to the many traffic lights. they should have light sticks at the routes or major turning points la. hahas.


so after the whole event, we expressed our concern that the route was too dangerous for such a big grp of night cycling. ahhas. then the organiser said that that was the whole point of it. Ride of Silence is an event to commemorate the deaths of cyclists.. and cyclists who got injured and so on. so, this event is to HIGHLIGHT the dangers and create AWARENESS to both cyclists and CARS, BUSES and other road vehicles regarding road safety. ahhas.

so, with that.. we're like.. oic. hahas



after that. it was like 11pm alrdy. had dinner at the bugis wanton mee and went home. throughout the whole day, i clocked in 59.9km. hahas. i was tired at the queensway hill man. ahhas. my back gear couldn't change that efficiently so i almost cramped up at the hill. ahhas.

but overall, it was gd to cycle, and cycle with the gang once again.

graduation

w/o estee yvonne gabriel and jamin.
missed them ALOT.


so. congrats marian, finally graduating with a Diploma in Marketing.

to sum up..
stepped in to TP with much hatred for the sch as my heart was still with the Saints. after getting more involved in the sports scene and other activities, TP's really the choice.


thank u God.
and thank u Charmaine Leow Neung Hui who brought me to see Uncle Sam who made this journey possible.
u see, i'm always gg to places, differently. hahahs.



didn't take photos with many ppl also. everyone's like running around. hakim, dallas, ms suelou, dr Arnold tan and many other countless ppl who didn't go also.
if only all the touch girls' grad are on the same day, same time.



i mean like i dont see why ppl think that graduation is dumb.
come on. at the most, just dont invite ur parents. i didn't want my mum to come coz no point. i didn't grad with any special prize or what. so like nothing special. it'll be more shiok for her to see me getting a degree.






i cooked dinner today. felt gd.



the golden mushroom is damn nice. ahhahs. so happy. ahhas. then the mao bo toufu. ahahhas. ok la. it's actually LKK sachet sauce. ahaas. i scrambled eggs into it. ahhas. the nice dou miao and portabello mushrooms.

pro anot. ahhahas.

angels and demons

watched that today.
so i missed the steamboat.
quite a choice.

but i had my fun.
nice movie, but unpredictably predictable.




had physio this morng.
seriously the most purposely-inflicted pain ever.
the rubbed the neck, shoulder and lower part of the back of the head and i was really really in pain.
after much squeals and squirms... it improved a little but not as much as expected.
i'm expected to go back again.. but i dont think i can. no more $ alrdy ok. with one session, i can buy a pair of good pedals or stem for my bike.



ok. bernice told me abt this photo comp, and i'm so going to chiong for it. got feeling man. i am soooooo gg to send BENJAMIN's photo in! (((:







anyway. with the free time, i had time to think
to think abt things. abt life.

i used to be 'better'.
when i was younger, i had more practical goals. 'better' and more sensible goals. i rmbr i wanted to have a blog to share my interesting life with the world. to share the experiences that i've learnt or encountered so that ppl can learn from my blog and know that they are not in any shit alone.

as i grow up,
i realised, this place becomes more of an outlet to rant. drifting away from its original purpose. sometimes, i blog pictures to really share my colourful life with ppl. now that my blog is quite dull, it may have just unknowing portray dullness in a colourful world.

as of now, i lack God. i lack the WWJD reaction.




u know like in the tough times its either u make it or break it?
its really up to oneself. what kind of outcome the person really want.
then again, sometimes u want it, and u just let other emotions make u dont-want-it.



i'm blabbing again.

its like 4.22am now and my stomach feels queasy. feel like vommiting. ahhas.
wierd.
tmr's grad. supposed to be slping now. tmr i'll look really wierd on stage, with my head to stiffly drilled to my body.

wedding

help ken to shoot his wedding with dickson.



ahhas. quite cool. i found a new talent. i can arrange flowers. hahas. i arranged it for his wife man.






all in all.. it was in hort park. i thank God for dickson. w/o him and his 24-70 f/2.8... i think i'll die. it's kinda like my first 'unofficial' wedding shoot. damn scared. but lucky got dickson. i hope to do more in the future!



ok. abt the neck.
this morng... i woke up.. stiff. couldn't move. i realised that i did not move the whole night. so in the morng, i tried to flip myself. i shouted in pain man. ahhas. i expected it.. but didn't expected it to be that pain.
then i realised my shoulders are aching alrdy.

now, my arms are starting to ache.
i think its quite a massive blow to the head and back to the neck and to the arms. i think its more of the nerve rather than the muscles that are injured.


thus, today's shoot was quite tiring for me.
in the hot sun, heavy bag and helping them to carry like a whole electric flask of team through hort park, i felt that it was some form of punishment. hahahs. but yea, i still did have fun.



after that... church guys got soccer.. i think cannot make it physically.. i needed to rest. ahhas. so i took like a 1hr long bus ride home. nice comfy cozy airconditioned double deck bus. slept till the last stop which is my home.
went NTUC to do some grocery shopping...

came home.. and nua on the sofa.
and ache all over again.


TMR,... MEETING PHYSIO. i think i'm gg to get killed tmr. hahha.

sprained my neck

tmd.
went trail today and felt flat front on down slope.
i seriously got phoebia of slopes now.
abrasions on the arm.. but after that... got headache...
didn't enjoy the whole time of it coz the pain spread to the back of my neck.
i guess coz i hit the front side of my head so the shock traveled to the back and my left arm.

but i really enjoyed the company. ahhahs. nice to ride with the gang again. oh yea. did i mentioned.. remy ong joined us. HAHAH. nic's friend. so he was riding with us for a while to L&T. quite wierd..coz i always see him as a national bowler. hahahs. but was nice to see him on a strada. ahhahs.


saw alexandre and the YOG team training today. they looked young.
and very inspiring..

came home.. supposed to go out for dinner or join some of them to shoot.. but my neck was irritating me. so i'm like icing the neck at home. now i can't like move my neck forward w/o pain. basket.


but. gd thing.. after trail.. lunched then went to sch. finally could preload. but can't lift the back off to complete the hook. ):




on my way to trail today, saw the aftermath of a motorbike accident. it was at a cross junction. i guess it was a hit and run. coz there's no car around. or probably he just fell on his own. the whole bike was a wreck. the wheels looked out of position and the whole front was out. the biker was on the ground in pain while the police directed the traffice and the medic tend to him.

i was like.. ok.
is that another sign?



hahas
maybe i'm being paranoid.
but really, i just feel that i need to spend more time with my friends. haha.




times like this, i really want to be a boy.
like have all the guts to zoom down slopes. and even if i fall, won't be so injured.
haizzzz.



i just found out.. my head and nose and chin got scratch!! nooooooooo.
hope it disappear soon.

prac 5

10 demerit points!
with 3 IMMEDIATE FAILURE. ahhahs.

more imptly, i improved. the immediate failures are just unlucky. hahas. all at the crank course. b4 entering and exiting.
i caused my pilion to fall again. b4 turning out to circuit. fell onto the curb man.
lesson are always interesting. i keep seeing pri sch friends, old friends, new friends. AHHAH. funny lor. saw vic today. and irvin taking his 2A. saw janice the other day. saw the pri sch mates... a few poly mates. made friends with uncles as well. then all the instructors know me coz i of my many accidents and spiderman socks. they saw it long time ago while i was putting on the knee guards. hahas.

oh. today, the actor from the iNotStupid took lesson with me. if i rmbr correctly, joshua ang... the one who acted as the pai kia. yea. hahahs.


i love lessons man.



anyways.



l4d today max. 4 hrs. mad.
spent $ on lan gaming. sucks la.
its fun. but after that, mind draining. hahhaha.
'COVER ME'... REELLLOOADDDINNG!.
tmd. tiring sia.





u see, u see ah.
we called you. and whatever the reasons, u did not come.
so dont say we didn't again ar.
serious.
just to let you know that ppl do try.





i feel i'm growing old.
and.
i feel that the End of the world is near. serious.
its like.. whenever there's thunder or dark skies, my mind always switches on to some kind of an emergency mode. its just a feeling that i do not have much time left.

preload.

a blog without photos is like a life without colours.





anyways. gd to ride today with jo. though we had the very sian feeling, we somehow manage to enjoy ourselves as we met this other biker at the trail.. he's like 15. and very very experienced. talk bicycle talk and attempted a few moves. finally could do the preload but not the back end to finish it.
i like the way ppl make friends with total complete strangers because of a common interest. like so long u have a bike with like parts that are kinda tells what kind of a rider you are, there's already a topic to talk abt alrdy. just like photography. hold a big black SLR n we'll be chatting whole day long. (:



great to have spend time with the photogs again. everyone busily updating our lives and flooding ourselves with name cards and exciting work experience. i like.
it's still darn amazing how we still enjoy each others' company though it only took like less than 2 wks to get to know each other 2 yrs back. (:
happy bday serena!
and thank you meisy for like arranging and msging all these.



then.
timbre with the gang. (:
good fellas are tooooo good. the bassist is power. everyone is like.. whoas. makes me feel so far fetched. hahas. come on homie, give us 10 yrs. hahas.

blog

so what, i'm suppose to not blog about stuff that ppl dont want me to?
then, what's this place for anyway.


have u asked urself why?
why similar things like that always happen.
i have no clue.
but u just have to find ur own answers.





girls. tsk.
never would understand them.
even if i do, i'd choose not to.





anyways, good to be back in trng. at sp though. my back still hurts alittle. think got to go back again probably this fri?




AHHAHHAA. WATCH THIS PLS. http://www.clicknetwork.tv/watch.aspx?c=1&p=8&v=196 xiaxue's experience with the science centre. pls watch. she's super super darn funny. i actually laughed out loud alone in my room man.

ahhahas. just watch all her videos. ahhahss. she's super funny.

L4D

played that today.


anyway.


1 immediate failure (nv give way to traffic) - car's fault. suddenly move from stop.
20 demerit points.
1 surviving pilion. hahas.

the thin folded letter

yea yea. it speaks about tough competition and how they regret to inform me that my application to NTU is unsuccessful. ahhas. irony. knowing that one will regret, one still commits that action. hah.

i am going to APPEAL.
if not, hello SIM. ):


i watched Wolverine for the 3rd time today.
accompanied my friends. but i still marvel at MARVEL movies. just like Spiderman.
i think they should have like an X-men origins on Deadpool. but i doubt so since he's quite a villiant.





sometimes i wonder if my actions are so called 'wrong'. what defines 'wrong'.
it seems that i've lost my sense of judgment. not judgment made upon people, but to be able to judge if path A or B is the more appropriate one.

sometimes i'm confident about it until some jack or jill comes running around making me feel like a great sinner. i mean ya dah ya dah we're all sinners. let's not be anal for now pls.


as i grow up, sometimes i feel that i was more mature in my secondary sch days, being able to give good calls, plan good events and just know how to react when situation arises. now, it seems that i'm hesitant. i go with great doubt.



i need God more.
i need Him to be the judgment of my calls.

the 45mins walk

watched this for cell lunch today






i've been thinking and thinking.
is it how ironic ppl say that u are judging others but they themselves are judging by saying so.




if now, going to a place that i love so much is so difficult,
i could just cut it. stop.

w/o the friends, i'd just stop long ago.
and they still dont get it.


well..
stop struggling when's no one's going to appreciate and discriminate our gd intentions.

a Job VS a Ministry

i got this email from someone... and i think this is really a good message.
especially to all the church technically-called leaders as well as those who secretly serve in their own ways...





Some people have a job in the church, others involve themselves in ministry.




What’s the difference?





If you are doing in just because no one else will, it’s a job.

If you are doing it to serve the Lord, it’s a ministry.



If you quit because somebody criticized you, it’s a job.

If you keep on serving, it’s a ministry.



If you’ll do it only as long as it dose not interfere with your other activities, it’s a job.

If you are committed to staying with it

even when it means letting go of other things, it’s a ministry.



If you quit because no one praised you or thanked you, it was a job.

If you stay with it, even though nobody recognizes you efforts, it’s a ministry.



It’s hard to get excited about a job.

It’s impossible not to be excited about a ministry.



If our concern in success, it’s a job.

If you concern is faithfulness, it’s a ministry.





An average church filled with people doing jobs.

A great and growing church is filled people doing ministry.



What about us ? Where do we fit in?





If God calls you to a ministry, don’t treat it like a job.

stormy nights

i'm usually a heavy sleeper. meaning, even if there's a fire in the house or like typhoon outside, i'd still be sleeping.

but last night, was whoas.
i was over at eve's place.
then at around 4am.. there's this LOUD THUNDER CLASP.
it was indeed like God trying to rip the sky apart.
the first one woke me up. immediate reaction- is e End like right now?
then, i prayed for God to take me away now if its the time. i pray for forgiveness of my sins and for my family & friends and even for my sis. all these while, i was more or less semi conscious and perhaps thinking while sleeping.

then again, another loud ROAR.
i'm usually the its-thunder-only-what person.
basket, i damn scared la. hahhahas.
eve was also awaken by it.. we're like.. omg.. damn scary. sleep sleep!
hahas. then i snugged back under the covers and prayed till i slp, hearing the loud splashes of big rain drops hitting the window panes as served by the pounding wind.




so yea.
i was scared.



so anyway. this morng, church had this bowling event.
it's quite timely.. coz with my back injury, i'm out for any touch games but still alright for bowling. so i went.
hahas. teammates- aunty violet leong, aunty chris and aunty siew. i lao hong. 1st game still not so bad.. 190.. 2nd and 3rd was like 148-ish. bah. the scoring system also got some faults. then the counter staff was super rude to me... its like.. u know how the counter staff treats bowlers and non-bowlers differently. and obviously, he didn't think that i'm a bowler. heck it.


so yea, i managed to get the top female and overall champ. ahhas. sounds great right. claps. (*coughs with a 481 pinfall of 3 games?!). HAHHA. but yea, i found out that ryan and celeste are training in this sport too! along with some other folks.


i like this kind of family outings.
chuchy familyish outings.
we seriously lack that.



rmbr family days? where the church go west coast park or like help raise funds.. now that we are so called 'satisfied' with all the building facilites, we stop all these. BAH.

sorts

i'm still trying to sort out my photos.

u know.
i dont feel like blogging all these days.


ok. i failed prac 5 today.
1 immediate failure - nv on head light.
ahas. and....




44 DEMERIT POINTS. whoots.



oh yea. pillion riding. first time.
thank God that there was a girl during lesson today.
we pillion each other. HHAHA.
then then.. when it was my turn, i made her fell down man..
coz at the traffic light, i was too concentrated on turning left. then it was red light.. she told me... EH RED LIGHT. then i just brake the bike. then we fell on the right side. hahas. so funny. other bikers behind saw.
then we helped to push back up the bike.


so scary can.
with a pillion, u can feel the weight of the person behind man. move abit, the iek moves alot. ahhas. what an experience.

17 again

finally watched that.
love the storyline and for the record, zac efron blows away the girls in the cinema.
ahahhas. i watched it with jasmine. and the part where he got out of his hot hot car, the girls in the cinema squeeallled. hahahs. whoas.
and it was like a 1.30pm movie with relatively little ppl.



HAH.


dont like egoistic guys who REFUSE to watch such movies.
it really isn't like a bimbo movie or what, but its just nice to watch.



then.

b4 that,
i finally went for physio for my back.
she said that it was a cumulative injury for 2yrs (since the hard fall i had while alighting the bus).
she tried to rub my lower back... she was surprised that i could still keep playing from that fall... usually, when she rubs a back, she's able to press in quite deep.. as for mine.. it was so hard that she could rub in. hahas.

more like stiff.
and she said she only applied 20% of her strength and i was like alrdy dying.
honestly, it was v v painful.

she rubbed all the right spots man. i literally gripped the bed hard and almost kicked her. she induced some current for like 15mins to losen the muscle. she also used some ultrasound thing to losen it.



so.. today...
tmd. PAIN MAN.
i went for trng but didn't train.
i think i got to go back again next week to rub one more time. still feel v v sore and like.. out-of-gas feeling.


thus,
i really learnt my lesson.
when u're injured, GO SEE A DOC / GET HELP. do something about it.
really, dont wait until u reach ur threshold then do something.
sometimes frequently, as sports ppl, when we get little aches here and there.. we'll just nudge it away saying "aiya.. abit only.. just for this game...". and w/p knowing, its everywk we say that.
and TA-DAH. 2 yrs passed. u reached ur threshold. that's when u know that its time to learn ur lesson and dont be so stubborn.





anyway.
u realised, i haven't been posting photos. i'm lazy and still procrastinating.
i completed my SIM application alrdy though. hope they reject me.
and, NTU haven't got back to me.

fast and furious

watched that today.
ok luh. quite cool.



i unwillingly applied for SIM today. last date of application.
and i cut my hair.
and i went to see uncle kok chi.
and finally, i have medicine for my ongoing diarrhea that i've been having for 3 wks.


tmr, seeing physio alrdy.
my back is aching.

Induction Svc

i shoot.
i fell.

and everyone saw.


and...
caught on video.
BOOOOOOOM.



i am historical.





(:



long road ahead for COA.

i feel miserable

i pulled my back while.. REFREEING.
how hard can that get.


was looking forward to my one and only mix game today. but i couldn't.
sad ok.
its like.. u see them play.. and u just want to get involove in it but u can't.


its sore now.
and i think i need to seek help soon.





feeling all sian.
its like.. w/o ur back.. i literally can't be marian.


but i'd like to thank God for my helpful teammates.
i hope to play the next game.
i'll be back real soon.

staying

been staying over at friend's place to watch soccer/ supper and so on.
so.
this is what i do when my mum's helping my aunty with her one month of confinement.



tired.
been eating, alot.


ytd, had marli's bday celebration. (: gd to spend time with the girls.
so fast, 4th yr alrdy.



watched Wolverine today.
EXCELLENT.
i like.
i like Marvel. can compete with Spiderman man. ahas. the whole plot of X-men is just creative and witty.
i want to watch all other X-men movies man. haven't watched them yet.


supposed to be a girls outing, but there were others ppl who didn't really make the citeria.
but, i had a reasonably gd amt of fun. glad that aunty vivien, su su and daphne was there. (:


i dont like ppl who claim to dont have money to do the stuff that they are suppose to do/go but are able to spend not-so-compulsory things/holidays.
make sense make sense? hahas.
there's ppl (like the one typing all this now) that needs the money maaannns. hahahs.



so.
this morning was the cremation.
the bus left Sg Casket for Mandai.
throughout the whole process it was just heart wrenching and mind clinging for me.
looking back, from the time my dad's flight took off to the moment of his cremation, i realised that i dont rmbr a thing visually.



the exact thing which took place- i (to my surprise) don't rmbr.
so, looking at the whole procession today, it felt like dejavu and like as if the person in the coffin was my dad.
3 pts that ignited flash backs were the time when pushing the vehicle out of Sg casket, paying the last and final respects, and lastly, the whole cremation process.
for sure,i do rmbr the moment where 3 (or 4) black-bodied abled and sweaty man pushing my dad into the flames. yes, like flames literally. this time, its not so bad.. the new crematorium had like conveyor belt systems to escort the coffin to another place to be incenerated.



so, it left me thinking for quite awhile.
it seemed that during those darkest days, i tend to block out the truth. the facts that's taking place. so now when like the exact same scenario plays back right infront of my eyes, it seemed that that part of the brain tries to unlock all those blocked images from the past.
then ur emotions and feelings get involved.
then the whole cycle repeats.
u act strong, want to be strong. then walk behind, someone asks u if u're ok, u start crying.

hahas. basket.





when will i ever learn to like.. let go of things fully?

the narrow accident

yesterday, i passed prac 5.
on a very heavy rain day.
had 1 accident and almost another.

there was this bent. 2 lanes, the car on the right and i'm on the left.
so i went straight up as the car seem to be moving in the straight direction as well.
basket.
out of a sudden, when i was just behind his car, he signalled left and wanted to change lane to left. i guess i was in his blind spot or smth. damn. then i just e brake and stalled my engine. the instructor of the other car jammed his brake also.
so yea.. an almost collision. but seriously. how can he signal so late and somemore.. change lane at the bend right!?


so.

narrow plank.
too pro already. needed 6 sec and more to pass... i did it in 10 over sec.
on one of the last time, i aimed the plank wrongly and almost went up by the side.
because it was so wet and slippery, the side of the wheel couldn't grip the plank. thus, i fell to the ground on my right and i skidded up and one round before jumping out of my bike b4 i came to a stop.

hahahs.
scary man.
like jackie chan like that. hahas.

the instructor came running to me and asked if i was ok. hahas. so malu la. like 7-8 bikes waiting behind the course, looking at my most unglam sight.
the bike couldn't start up. so i tried using the kick starter for the first time.
after a few times... it didn't work. hahas. so he told me to kick harder and turn up the throttle.

then then..
the CLICKKKKK. the throttle overturn. OHHHH.
the bike SPOILT. hahahahhahas. so he pillion me back to the shelter and asked the bike mechanic to go there and repair. ahhahahhs.


but,
I PASSED MAN. (: ahhahahhas. amen.
i was scared on pylon sylon man. the one with the many cones and u had to go through them in a zigzag fashion.
anways..


next thurs is my revision circuit and prac 5. if i passed that, and my RTT,i can apply for PDL and go drive on PUBLIC ROAD man! AHHAS. but with instructor la. hahahs.



yea. my friend's dad passed away on his mother's birthday man. ):
haiz.
i just found out that he's a SA photographer and i've crossed his path many times during the SAS matches. haizzzz. i used to spy on him coz he's like an old guy with a long nikon lens and a monopod. haha. now that i look back... oh man. should have known that it was my friends' father.

his shots are nice.
gd that he tried to pass down his skills b4 he physically left this earth. yea.



when i die,
come my house... get my WD Harddrive.. go to photography >myshots > processed.haha and print all the photos and paste all over. (: haha. yea.
share the love.
oh yea.
and print all the photos of BENJAMIN. (: the thailand boy.

e brake.

this morng, the bros' dad passed away.
looking back last night. the last signals and signs really did served as warnings.
i duno man.
i just feel jelly all over when i heard the news.


so,
i failed prac 4 today.
did well for narrow plank.
dropped one cone for pylon sylon. still too slow.

ok. Emergency-brake is scary. i really screamed man.
the whole procedures: (step 6-11 is normal procedure for changing gear)

1) stop at white line.
2) check back
3) pull in clutch
4) increase throttle
5) let go clutch slowly.
6) increase throttle
7) clutch in
8) kick up to gear 2
9) increase throttle
10) clutch in
11) kick up to gear 3
12) increase and maintain throttle from 30-35km/h
13) at the white cone, close throttle fully
14) apply rear and more front brakes
15) b4 stopping, clutch in
16) bike stops b4 red line (abt 2m from white line)
17) left leg down
18) right leg up
19) check back right
20) right leg down
21) kick down to gear one
22) check back left
23) left leg down
24) right leg up
25) release both brakes
26) check back right
27) signal right
28) increase throttle
29) release clutch slowly
30) clutch in to
31) change to gear 2
32) check back right for cars
33) fliter out to lane. (stop if oncoming traffic)



hahas. of course i failed.
note that the area between the white and red cone is wet. they spray water so that we can practice e-braking.




after that,
cell dinner at purvis street. good thai food, again. hahas. (:
then mind's cafe. the cafe can freakin earn alot of money.
should set up a cafe similar to that kind of concept man.

phone rings

my friend's dad is in like critical condition now.
went to visit the brothers.
at the hospital.. it felt like a reenactment of the past.
i found out, that i have a weak spot for hospitals and phone rings.
i dont like phone ringings at night. it's always no good.


i didn't realise how much is it that i have not let go.



anyways.


i've been hanging out.




i dont understand how a person; a guy of such a mature age, can be so so so immature.
he always want to poke his nose into other people's business. not only wanting to gain information, he wants the upper hand. he wants the power leadership. he always give 'advices'. after a while, u know that those aren't words for care and concern... but more of an intent to stirr more trouble.


hello. there is a limit, OK.

so i explained things to him- at the best and nicest way i could. hah. and really, i didn't know that at ur age, people can still be so... so so.. childish and petty. i said bye to you and you ignored. hhahah. i won't be bothered by that.. its just that.. why man. u are so old and still playing this kind of.. i-dont-friend-you-game.

good riddance.

to love your enemies as yourself. i really find it super challenging towards you. i'm ok with being nice to you. but not ok with u wanting to dig out for information, and then finding ways to rectify a problem that only you think its a problem. utterly pathetic. b4 thinking of poking ur nose into other ppl's businesses, i suggest u do some reflection and find out why ppl shun you away. why ppl just can't find the energy to talk to you. no, i'm not judging you.
i just feel that u yourself do not want to acknowledge your mistake. yet, u still want to keep ur ego, thinking that whatever u do is right, whatever the decision from you is right. seriously, stop the nonsense. i can't find a better word to describe the situation about u.




as you know, i'm really hanging out alot,
and thus, procrastinating alot.
i don't really have much to lose coz i'm really blatantly free.
but yea, i am disappointed with myself.


having said that,
i don't like friends who are not loyal, who don't keep their promises.. who go out for other reasons rather than just fellowshipping with the company.
really, is... you can feel one de lor. heart man, heart.


i dont want to be a person that chooses my friends. but in times like these, keeping up with such ppl just adds on unnecessary pressure. some ppl just don't treasure the friendship. some ppl just use you to occupy his/her own free time.
or, some just prioritizes the other half as the Major Number One Priority.



waste my time.




honestly, through this very-free-period of time, i'm learning. i'm learning the colours of people. the wonders of friendship. for me, i will be nice to everyone. but, i will not want to bother trying building a deep friendship if u are not ready to give a genuine one.

today's sermon was excellent. it speaks about friendship being genuine. hahas. should have seen the faces of the some of us. totally in agreement. looks like our ideologies are kinda 'on the right track' and the other's aren't aligned. (: may we strike at the right time- a time that God calls; may it be His plan and not by our strength or wisdom that we don't possess.

AGM was gd. some of Pastor's words gave the goosebumps for he is one big caring man.




so if anyone reads this and feel that i'm talking about you, then so be it.
if u're feeling guilty about yourself, then perhaps what i've said abt you is true. if u're good enough, u'd probably can feel my heart. hahahs. if not, by all means, blame urself or dont give a damn. this is my space and this is how i bloody feel. so quit wallowing up urself in self pity and start reflecting on the areas which u feel needs improvement.

dont get me wrong. everyone makes mistakes. i'm no perfect person.
i may have 'read' ppl wrongly, but this is how i honestly feel that's why i'd waste time typing out all abt it.


its ur choice,
ur call.
if it's you, so be it.





bah.
i need money.
i need to focus more.

a very hot southern ridges

i miss joelle and gabriel.

but i think jamin misses us alot. ahhas. over dinner. all the long long kept jokes all poured out.


i really LOL today. hahahs. L O L. hahahhahas.
i miss them. EH. lets find a day when EVERYONE can see each other. (:

slope.fig 8. crank

AHAHA. I PASSED PRAC 4.

the most fun prac and i did it within 2 times! ahhas.
the instructor closed one eye.
u need to do fig of 8 within 11sec. and i kept doing it in 11.2 and 11.1... HAHAH. then on the slope, i rolled back like 1 m. from the side line, he shouted " 2 pts offs". ahahhahas.

crank course.. i fell. the first time i fell over the bike since the 2nd time of prac 1. its the first time i'm able to lift the bike up all by myself and pushed it out of the course, causing a jam behind. hahahas.




so fun.
then while practicing fig of 8. he asked me to be pillion rider. i damn scared. i was the first one to be pillion some more.
he sped through.
omg. while talking, POINTING (one hand on the handle bar) and taught me how to use the rear brake and speed at gear 2. siaow. drift man. ahhahs.


but despite so many mistakes, he's super nice to pass me and let me go through. but he put a note there to practice this same course during my revision prac 5.

but nonetheless, this was the prac that i really didn't mind failing but i did it in 2 times.
HAHAHA.

ok.

ONWARDS to PRAC 4.
prac 4 is scary. plank. pylon sylon and e-brake. sure scream one. ahhahs.







went back to sch.
played around at CCA booths.
really missed the girls alot.
and the TP sports scene. how we would take note of each others big games and start sending regards here and there. (:


i miss TP.
hoho.



rented the GRADUATION gown today. ehhhwws. hahas.




didn't manage to catch 17 Again again today.
tsk tsk.



would friends people go out in the name of fellowship/friendship or the things that the 'friends' do.
what exactly constitutes the word fun.
all in all, i still believe in my quote "It's not whether i can or not. its whether i want to or not"





mum's not home.
oh yea.. rui zhi (estee. hope u are reading this. i think u are. hahahs.). her mum has a NEW BABY BOY. HOHO. last night. on a cold and super freaky windy night. hhahahs. so my mom's out to help her in her confinement for ONE MONTH.
one month w/o home cooked food.


and. my tv's spoilt. new tv's coming in on saturday.
omg. so many things happening in my life now huh.


but. i can sing out loud and play the guit till the sun goes down w/o anybody to affect my recordings. HAHs.



i've been reading Manga.
and honestly, i didn't know and expect that such a cheena-jap-animae-comic book can deepen my relationship with God and at the same time, increase my bible knowledge by alot alot within such a short time frame. go get the book.

when i read about Paul and Barnabas... i can't help thinking of Uncle James. just that now, we have aeroplanes while at thay time, the only had their trusty sandals.
if only all christians, including me... have that conviction and that faith to really go out and just preach all the way. why are current humans getting more and more sinful.

being blinded by power, money and materialistic wants.
so superficial. we go for the things that we want and not what God wants.
we do thing that pleases man and not God.
we have so many things going on in life that wasting time as the kingdom of God doesn't get expanded.
its like, pointing at those meetings... so many. but no results.
maybe yea, building all those 'foundations' and whatever nots. in my personal, and flat frontal judgement, wasteful. tiring. downright out-casting.
maybe i shouldn't keep harping on this here in this blog. coz its really not productive and fruitful.


i will pray.
pray that it's God that's leading the way and not man's so called wisdom and leadership.


i will pray.
still pray for a revival in the lives the ppl, the teens, the youth, the ministry, and those that will cross the paths of the believers.


i will pray.
pray for a direction for the ministry. a direction of the right picture that both the leader and God sees, and may man's weakness be engulfed by God's super power.


i will pray.
pray for those who are hopeful. for those who are stuck; in a position, called to serve and feeling all powerless and dejected. for God will allow us to soar on wings like eagles and then be a beacon of light for all.


i will keep praying.
praying that our eyes will be awaken.
not doing things that are right.. but more so of doing things that pleases God and in His will. may the leaders of the ministry, of the church grow stronger in the name of Christ, leading the church with a heart after God's.


amen.

gamer

i attempted to clean up my desktop today.
too many photos man. since jan. can die.


whole day play game only.
bejeweled on fb.
and...
i played 60 rounds of msn solitaire with ulrica liang.
hahahs. mad.






but today.
i feel emo man.

knowing

watched the Knowing.
bad movie. good story plot initially. when the whisper ppl appear, the storyline sucks.


failed prac 3.
but super fun.
up and down slope.
need 11 sec to pass figure of 8. i did it at 11.9sec. hahahs! instructor said i was gd k.
crank course- 6 sec. he didn't time me. going up and down the slop fun man. hhahas. so many technical stuff.


then see tie da again.
my shoulder's like more pain now.
its starting to irritate me.

decisions

my arm.
sunburn,
and kenna chinese suction power.

i cant lift not only my right, but also my left arm to scratch my back.
tying my hair is a challenge.



hahas. tsk tsk.
gg see doc for part 2 tmr!

can't swim. ):



sometimes i feel, i'm too critical for church.
i'm not sure if its a gd or bad thing.
but i do know, in all that i do, its in love, and with love to make things better.
ppl just dont' listen. the ppl who tells ppl to listen are those who aren't listening. catch the gyst?

2 yrs ago, i warned that ppl should know about differentiating time for fellowship and meetings. 2 later later, with my unheeded warnings, things happen.


sometimes, ppl do things for the sake of doing.
not internal application.
or, some ppl just do it for themselves.
its like... might as well not do.





mission debriefing today.
last night, pia the ppt out.
quite short. but sweet and good. but i think could be better.




marian, i've got a list of things to do alrdy.
don't add on to it. really.

HHOOT BLAZING SUN I TELL YOU.

i woke up in shock.

my arm was super pain. couldn't lift it up properly. scared sia.
i'm refreeing the game at 11 and i woke up at like 730. siaow on. hahahs.

pain and numb at the same time.


so yea. refreeing was ok.

but the sun was HOT.

played with bedok kings.
honestly, i couldn't do warm up properly.not only my arm ached, i was still lao sai-ing.
but the game went on well. i think it's gd coz we did try alot of moves and they really worked. ((: there's once.. dilys subbed out. i subbed in and mavis pass the ball to me. hahas. then i saw the gap so i just run. then i think the ang mohs stunn tio. NEVER GIVE CHASE. ahhas. so with that, i looked fast and scored. (: felt gooood man. then like a few times almost broke through. just slow.

but i learnt today... that when i get tired, my defense.. instead of being on my toes, i'm super on my feet. not good. shuffling slow. need to work on my fitness. to finish off and really on ur toes.


yea we won. (:
but the sun was just getting hotter. actually. left like 2 mins.. bedok kings didn't want to play anymore coz the sun was too hot and the players are exhausted max. the refree made us drink water. hahas. it wasn't a choice but really to drink up. first time sia.


towards the end of 2nd half.. i really wanted to lao sai so i subbed out man.
then tahan. until e end of the game.. i walked briskly to the nearest nice toliet which was like about a 10mins walk. i tell u. its the longest walk ever. i was really literally... hanging on. tahan max. then reached the toliet.. hallelujah. just in time. hahas.
was really a moment man.

so got back to catch the mixed. didn't play today... marli wanted me to rest my arm. but also good.. my stomach's not well for like a wk alrdy.



THE SUN WAS SO HOT.
so hot. that they changed the game; instead of a 20-5-20, it was a 10-2-10-5-10-2-10.
omg. like 4 quarters. watching them was just tiring also man. my waterbottle which i left on the ground had little water left... when i poured out the water.. it was HOT MAN. hahas. really not warm but hot. its like boiling water that was left in the room for 20mins to cool down kind.



yea.
in the evening. i went for tie da at potong pasir. see chinese doc. she rubbed.. i was like squealling in pain. she got the spots right man. she said i injured my vein and stuff like that. then like did the suction cups thing. omg. pain.
then she stick 2 big piece of medicated cloth. hahas. now its burning hot.
didn't know that serious luh. poxs. win alrdy.




ok. so tonight. i MUST finish ppt. at day 2 out of 5. haven't chose music.
see la. procrastinate.
i've been procrastinate like mad. everything last min. bad bad bad.
wads my new yr resolution man. i think i haven't come up with a proper one. tsk tsk.

bad falls

went to trail with jeff today. jamin pang-sehed. ahhas. due to work and stuff. ahhas.
the rest not free. missed suan man.


anyway.



i had 2 falls and many minor ones. hahahs. thankfully i ignored being cool and wore knee and elbow guards man. haha. i saw my knee guard having big deep scratches. imagine if that was my knee. faints.

hahas. coz it was like a downslope with sharp turn. ok. nvm. then. ROCKS. big sharp long ones. i think i got distracted and then didn't control and turn properly. went off course. then flew forward and fell flat face down. thank God, it was already on grass patch. hahas.

first, check my face. ok. then.. my bike! my speedo got scratched man. but my bike's safe. the disc brake was out though. hahas. i really dont know how those pros do that whole 10km course TEN TIMES. mad. with speed.


then jeff came running towards me, LAUGHING at my fall ok. ahhahs. he was like... "should have gotten that on camera". and wanted to help me up. hahas. i'm like. thanks ar. thanks. hahahas. asked him to check my bike first. hahahahas. omg. tsk tsk.



a few times we're soo tired.. that we pushed our bikes up the slightest possible slope. hahas. so funny luh. should prac the whole course more. get the hang of it and be better.


yea. so i tore my pants and soon found out that i sprained my right arm over dinner. having probs lifting up the right hand to shower, switch on the lights, opening the gate. loser.


*cross fingers for tmr STL. refreeing 1, playing 2 games.



ok. anyway. diiinnnnnerrrr!



jamin pangseh. ahhas. no la. got church. vonne's mum sick. so it was just a happy 4 of us. honestly, i really felt v happy to see them. jeremy popped by also. ahhas. happy to see us and vice versa. hahaha.


(estee! i just reaslised u deleted one nice photo lehhhs. ahhahas the one u and gab one lors.) hahas.

more dinnners tgt man. rahhh.

prac 2, CLEARED

hahas.

i think the instructor is super lienent.

out of 10.. 3 ppl failed. the rest passed. usually's the opposite.



then at night. a few friends came over to play monopoly.
(:


i can live life like that.

the news

oh boy.

i went to sch to settle some stuff today.. and then...
i found out that i was in 2 publications. hahas.




so yea. the photos are tak glam and not nice. i rmbr sending them nicer photos. hahas. anyway.

AND. SPELLL MY NAME WRONGLY.

i knew that the CCA Awards application closes TODAY only like YESTERDAY. so i rushed today. since i'm yr 3, i'm giving the CCA Gold Award a shot. yea, i hope to get it. this award is like the highest award in the CCA scene. after the merit awards.. you have ur sportsperson on the year, artiste of the year and student leader of the year.. this gold award is higher than this. only one can get each year, with ur name like engrave on some wooden plague somewhere in the school. HAHA. but i think competition quite tough. hahas. according to some sources.. my seal pts should be at least top 5 in tp. HAH.

ok. never place too high ur hopes on anything.


i just want a call for interview from.... NTU. ahhas.
if i do get this Gold award, i think it would really really help me in my uni application.




so yea, i didnt' ref today. lao-saied so much that i couldn't make it in time.
but i went trng though. we trained at the sidelines coz there weren't lights.



for some reason. i'm super tired.
haven't started on the mission debrief ppt yet.


watched soccer last night. most exciting heart throbbing match ever.
to liverpool 2-0. then 2-1.
then after half time.. 2-3 to chealse.
then at the 81 and 83th min.... 4-3 to liverpool
omg.
the last dunno what min... CHEALSE SCORED.


what a match 4-4.
the header was perfect and the own goal was classic.
it really reminded me of the match that our church jnr soccer team played last sunday- aaron a header, and our keeper an own goal. plus, ngai thai's beautiful kick in. huat ar.








anyway.
i've got so much things waiting for me to do.
my desktop's getting full. flooded with picture everywhere.




after trng today, felt really emo for some reason.
i'm unsure if i'm having an identity crisis. not really like who i am or what... but just some questions abt my desires. not so much of the things that i'm doing or the commitments that i'm having right now. more like... ppl?



i've got so many questions.
so many what ifs.
ppl just come up.
ppl just leave.
i may run and hide, but it just follows suite.
honestly, not that i'm missing you right now, but i really want to like talk to u again. so far in my entire life and history records of the no. of friends that i have, i can proudly say that besides the late school counsellor that i saw in sec 4, the only person that could fully understand me was you.




why am i allowing my thoughts to be complicated.
why do i desire so many impossibles.
why can't like human be more open, forgiving, positive, and mature.
why can i be...

hahs

girls are the most sensitive creatures on earth.

prac 2

i failed prac 2 again!
this is quite unexpected. coz i thought i got the hang of it alrdy. hahas.
the instructor said its coz i can't do lane change properly. haizzz.
fazeah was there! (: hahas.



so yea. met up with nigel. came over to figure out some stuff. haven't plugged in my electric like that for maybe a yr. hahas.



then. i watch Shinjuku incident.
should watch. made my heart squirm. but good plot.





leadership: chosen because of heart? or ppl doing right things for wrong reasons.

Easter

happy easter!

the chinese bulletin. di shiong (the chinese 2 words beside my name) means brother. HAH. what an interesting printing error.

haaha.
the dance went well.
really enjoyed the company of Tamlyn, georgia, rachel, and of course, uncle han meng. hahas.
our efforts paid off. though its quite a short one... the whole song is like different steps.




so. went to help take photos for soccer boys.
with the cough and flu.
sry luh. just had to complain. but i must say, the guys did a great job. 3-1 won. an encouragement for the team, spectators and the photographer. haha.

dinnered. chatted.

halfway home.. stomachache. cannot stop halfway. coz i'm like on the 2nd last bus. haha. reach bedok, ran home. call mum to open door. and literally made shouted oooww. haha. lao saiiiii again. poxs.


ate PO CHAI YIN. best chinese med of all.


oh my.


-

today. i think i'm nice man. i offered u chocolate egggs. haha. so. that's one the less-than-10-sentences we've exchanged ever since 2yrs ago. rocks ar. haha.
i pray that God will make me a nicer person to really forget about everything and treat as if NOTHING has happen. oh my. yes. NOTHING. hahahahhhahas.
and i pray for you for that as well. :p



-

heart.



anyway. i've been hanging out with some of e church ppl lately and really. theres alot of things that kept me thinking. i dont mean to doubt, judge or make blunt assumptions. but really. i question the friendships i have in church- more like the used-tos. honestly frank opinions, when she left for Australia, things change and unknowingly, ppl change. so hey you! that's how big your life has impacted us man. seriously.


i dont mind being labelled as busy or whatever. however, now that i'm like waiting to go to a uni, i'm free. i've taken initiatives to ask u ppl to out and stuff and sometimes, the hearts arent' there anymore. even when i'm busy, i still make time. i'm not that sad or anything. just a very wasted feeling. its like. sunday. u guys have preached... sabbath day- "to keep it holy. to rest. to etc.." and you guys have meetings after meetings. fine. what about those days w/o meetings... u guys go home do work.. or like cell grps or what. i'm not saying its wrong or what. what about a simple dinner / lunch/ snack or whatever. meetings don't last for more than 3-4 hrs unless its a major major one.


sometimes i really pray that it rains so heavily on sunday after church that all of us are forced to stay back and fellowship.


i am in no position to question how anyone should prioritize their time (just like how u ppl questioned me like mad). but all i can say is that, i've been through all those, much worse, but i do know the importance of taking time out to fellowship. i do make the effort and you ppl don't. some ppl just can only say. cannot do. can scold/ preach/ give best examples, but just don't follow them.


i'm not being blameless or calling names like hypocrites. though i can name names, but its more like a general 'issue'. its not just me that's feeling this. it's not just me hor.


i just don't like how ppl loose heart so easily.
to so easily loose a friendship simply because of other things.
sometimes i ask myself, why try so hard. why.
is it even worth it even when at the end of the day, there's really no sincere heart in the friendships but just an empty i-must-fellowhship-in-the-name-of-Christ-so-i-will-do-so or something more?


some ppl leave church and then come back for a short period of time, and then leave again. but then, they still have heart despite having other troubling issues that cause them to leave. u know it. u can feel it. i can't like say all these in proper black and white because affairs of the heart are never easy to pen them down. to put it simply, i know who my friends are, and i know who aren't.



so stupid right. at this age, discussing about friendship here and there.but if i'm not wrong, i've blogged abt this somewhere in sec 3/ sec 4? HAH. paper bag, plastic hearts. that famous phrase.


right now, i do have a choice. to continue trying. or to stop, and enjoy my comfort zone. u'd probably won't understand what i'm trying to day unless u're really in this position, watching ur 'friends' around every sunday. i know who i can trust can who i can't. with all the actitives i've done or still doing, i meet different ppl everyday. different personalities, from different walks of life. and i know, my heart can't lie. i know it.



sensitive issue huh.



yea yea. i can be the one at fault.
the one to be blamed.
the one who's making all the wrong moves.
the one that's making wrong and false assumptions.
but at the end of the day, the best answer is still Jesus.
its funny how that it's during Easter that i start to really take this matter into my serious thoughts.

Jesus died on the cross
u know that song.. "with self-less faith, with self-less faith.. Hosanna.." YEA.
God sent Him to do so.
we His children, has seen his love, experience his love, tasted his sweetness and goodness, but just don't know how to use it on others.


what all ppl think is for themselves.
maybe even in a BGR... it's about ME. I. MYSELF.
how can the person benefit me?
how can i have the fun?
how can i enjoy myself.

bull luh.


seriously. my mum and dad, honestly, are the nicest ppl in the worth.
like dead serious. i'm not biased. though they can be irritating and naggy, their intentions for others are always to make those around happy.

my mum loves to cook for ppl w/o anything in return. she likes to help others like mad. even if she's tired or like even facing financial probs, she still goes all out to help. so much so that somtimes, i've got to remind her what situation we're in.

my dad. on the other hand, just like being super sincere. sincere to his working pals, making things for them... buying all the materials with his money and giving the end product to his friends with nothing in return. super at the loosing end. he never fails to be his stupid self infront of everyone include to my friends who are initial strangers to him. awesome huh.



perhaps now, as young ppl, we tend to lean towards the tangent of defending for ourselves.
to fight for what we deserve rather than believing in making those around happier.
to fight for what we think is right and not fair for equality.
we young ppl need more salt, more hardships in order to grow. with such a spoilt and pampered society, i really fear for the future generations.




my God guide us.
really, guide our hearts.
mould us as His disciplines and really teach us His ways.

i'm not trying to act all holy-molly and all. but honestly, God is the only way out.
He can make the impossible possible.

wake up kids.











i've been procrastinating alot.
my photos are all over my desktop. needs clearing up.
my things are all over the place.

coughhhss

been coughing like mad. and really coughing like mad.
like those coughs where ur phelgm just coagulate at ur throat. continuously.

lao sai-ing.
fever's kicking in.
bodyaches coming soon.

hoho.


last night, dear ulrica stayed over again. hahas. i think i totally KO-ed. i didn't even know she left the house. totally not at all. i think if a burglar drops in or my house on fire, i wouldn't know.

i need to ride soon. i need to go trails. i need to train in that.
still haven't master bunny hop and wheely. wonder how's jeff doing. totally mia from msn now.




about the geylang rojak.
hoho.
the store has good business arh. abit only then like hundreds sick. more than a dozen hospitalized, 2 died. i miscarriaged. omg. tsk tsk.

the news said that hawkers should have those hospital sanitizers. u know what, i think Singaporeans should start getting dirty. start throwing ur kids into muddy fields when they are young. let them play in the rain. let them eat picked up food from the table. just let them taste the good ol drinkable singapore tap water.


see la.
take care take care... until immune system so screwed. next time arh.. tissue paper also must be sanitized first to use if not.. hospitalized.

AHAHHAHA.


Mr Khaw said: "During SARS, we were very good, maybe 9/10. After SARS, I think we drop to maybe 5/10 or worse. You look at toilets. Remember the "Toilet is OK" campaign? At that time, it was ok. Now, it is not so ok."

source: channelnewsasia, 9th april 09.




oh oh. i just read:
Vibrio parahaemolyticus - which comes from the same family as the bacteria which causes cholera - causes watery diarrhoea and abdominal cramps in nearly all cases, usually with nausea, vomiting, fever and headache.
also from cna, 7th april.
hahahhas. but ok luh. i no stomachache. just v hungry as always.



u know, this hols, i've really been having alot of social time.
didn't really run at nights. just suppered. hahaha.
been going out. haven't been able to find time to pack my room.
attempted to get a job. but always giving in to excuses to like.. enjoy life for now first. haha.




i dont like men looking all buffed up, wearing a SAF or any another other sg defence uniform and carrying a girl's handbag. erks. disgrace to the tax payers.






stand firm.

night wheeels

i think it was ok.
lucky jo's there to help.

i think.
some had fun. and some, didn't.


but aiya. i tried. so i hope everyone enjoyed themselves. hahas.



luckily i didn't lao sai at all.
but v sleepy.

TGIGF

ytd was mad.


i went bowling.
the first time in 2009. ever since nov.
sam and sui pangsehed. so amanda and i had a great time laughing at each other.

my scores were all time lowest.
note the no. pattern: 144 133 122. hahahs. total, 399. avg, 133.
haha. loser. the last game.. i wanted a 111... but did too well and changed my aim for a 155. hahas. couldn't make it. so it was a 139.


hahahs.
heck. couldn't even get the feel at all.
yea, still like bowling, but a huge part of it is lost.


then was pirates soft launch at Agave.
wanted to go dbl o... but was crowded max.
singapore has crazy nightlife.
then went to Bellini Grande, high class club. sujan brought us in. nice staff.





tired sia!


went home.. KO-ED max.
then morng...woke up to go church at 10am. rocks.
mummy made a nice cup of hot milo for me in the morng... yea.. coz i asked her to. haahahs. churched. then rained. then homed.



gg for night cycling tonight!
been coughing and lao-sai-ing today. hope it'll all be well. tonight!

owwww

haha. had katong laksa in the afternoon.
had a great night

both games DRAW. like.. omg. ahhas. after all the excitement.. its a draw.



ref-ed e JC league. nice league to ref. the ppl respects the ref. that's gd.
after awhile.. my ankle hurt for no apparent reason.

during trng. it hurt more. then when i accidentally jammed break.. my left knee hurt. i shouted man. hahas. but thank God i didn't tear anything. just very pain. haha.

went out for dinner..



had great pizza.




sleeepppy.

whoooots

FDD gang. (:


ytd K.O ed man


slpt halfway infront of my com. ahhas

meet my injuries.

pls click to enlarge for full saddistic enjoyment.

huat ar.


some of my church friends staying over at my house tonight. also watching soccer. AHAH.





anyway.
tmr refreeing.



i think i'm enjoying myself.



oh yea, i failed prac 2 today. hahahs.

palm sunday

i must make this week a good one.


today. it rained.
and really made ppl stay back it church after service.
i like.
may it rain more consistently so that it becomes a habit that we stay.




u know.
i really feel like gg NTU tmr to settle all the applications. so scared that it can't go though.
OH YEA. HEING AR. hahas. ytd.. indeed. i read wrongly. it was Category A that i was looking at. as a diploma student, Cate B man. HAHAHHA. amen amen amen. ahhas.



i miss my grp mates.

Level 1 Refree

HAHA.

gd news! i passed my Level 1 refree assessment. ((:


another semi-gd news. we didn't win UWC. but thank God, it was actually a friendly because most of the players weren't there and they had RP players with them.

i think for the womens team, we played bad. when the first few times we got tgt, we were high tgt.. doing well each wk. to me, now its like down hill. i'm not sure if it's because of the trngs or what, but we need to fight harder.


as for the mixed... i think marli's happy with us. considering it's the 2nd wk playing tgt, we kinda did well up against Monsoon. they're fast and strong. i felt super weak and ultra slow la. the guys just step like free. then step already.. and burst away. felt really like retardedly slow.


i need to work harder and run faster.












OMG. I JUST FOUND OUT abt the applications for NTU. i hope i've read wrongly or smth:
You must upload the supporting documents (if any) as listed in the Document Submission Page after your online application is successfully submitted. Application without supporting documents (if required) will not be processed.

omgomg. and i thought DONT NEED UNLESS ASKED. OMG.




pray.
cool. chill.

life con

i swam today. (:
finallllyyy.
but need to swim more.


my toe nail is on the verge of dropping alrdy. still pretty much intact. but hollow inside. hahas.


then. life con.
i think it was ok. but i think should start with a word of prayer? the response, so far.. is the least i think. usually.. it'll be flooded and overpacked. this time.. the galleria upstair's empty.




yea. that's abt it.
long day tmr.

11am- ref 1 game
1pm- womens b game
2pm- mixed game
4pm- tap
6pm- easter dance prac
8pm- amanda's 21st bday!



i just realised, i have 768 contacts on msn. minus the non msging contacts = 543.
hahas. i have about 13 grps. ahhas. so today, i decided to click sort contacts by 'status' just to see how many contacts i've got. so i found out whoas. ahhas.i make a gd business woman huh.


gd nite

lesson 2

failed.


hahahhahas.
so hard! all the check back for blind spot and stuff. super scary. at the junction. i saw the car. but super scared to stop. just go only. HAHAHHA. omgs.
yea. dunno who to give way to and all.

WAHS. hard man.



so then.


went for tp trng.
almost died. the girls are in their mid wk of fitness. so nic, surya and i went down to join them for fitness and stuff. ahahas. we're like.. almost dead.hahahhas. the pyramid killed us. ahhas. but was fun and cool. hahas.


(:



u know what. i'm feel v injury filled now. both my knees, 3 toes all buang. my back ache and all. omg. so unfit. i need to train more man. hahahs.



recieved letter from Airforce, again. fireman.. COME ON. hhaahs.

happy fools, april!

lunched with love.


trng.
was a little frustrated because when the ball drops, ppl don't bother to pick them up. it's ok to drop in trng. but not ok if you dont show any sense of urgency.
also. just dont like how ppl always choose the 'best position' to look gd during drills. like omg. give other ppl a chance. not to show off, but to at least try that line of run.


ANYWAYS. i'm just irritated because my back was aching mad.

suppered.
saw many long lost friends at upp thomson. what a place.



then went to phuture.
hah. the girls waited for me for super long. gd to go on a wednesday because i'm a lady afterall. hahs. so, in my slippers and 3quarters brought from home, i went it.
crowded max. ladies night... but the club was just filled with the other.

sorry to be biased. but the guys there just act gentlemanly. the dancefloor was jammed packed. maybe because it's one of the few times that i go on a v crowded night.
the music was gd. the DJ was cool. he has the same headphones as me!! ((: SHIOK. really want to go into that. need $$ to build. can't.

i think i drank alittle too much.
i liked the vodlka with redbull. gd mixture to go b4 a game. as i drank, i think. i think, and i drank. the more i think, the more i drink. soon, the order reverses- o drink more and think less.
honestly, as i'm typing this, i'm quite saeh.
plus, with the bobbing music, the concoction was blatantly high.



i dont think i'd want to like this kind of life.
though fun. but meaningless and expensive.
but honestly, i dont wish to promote drinking but... sometimes, thoughts of him and alcohol makes u feel as if everything's gonna be better.
again, someone just take a gun and shoot my brains off. take my money and run.




gd nite world.

so fun

today, i had fun.


i went for ballet.
i love ballet. ahahhas. i never thought that i'd say this but we've learnt the Don Quixote. go see this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GzM4ngLyv6M&feature=related
haha. we made it slightly simpler though.
and its super fast and tiring. hahas. like i've said b4, can compete with touch. at least for touch, we can sub out as and when.... for ballet. u still have to look gd and as if nothing's affecting ur performance. ahhas.


after that..



ulrica came to my house for sleep over! hahahas. she's bathing now. ahhas. ate dinner at home. cycled to blk 85 to eat. then cycled to ecp. ahhahs.
yea. COOL RIGHT. i really like spending time with her. especially after such a long time (: ahhas.



oh yea. i won Photographer of the week. for the Singapore Photographers on facebook. click here. HAHHAHA. i didn't even know how to take part in it. and i just read some of the basic rules... to not post more than 3. i posted 4. HAHAHHA.


Its All Worth It
These land filled with smiles makes our arduous journey worth it.




but not sure to be happy or what. because that shot, i really love it. once a photo wins a competition, cannot re-send in for another competition. ahhas. not to look down on this award or be complacent or anything.. but like.. there are awards that allow u to win lots of cash and camera stuff. ahhahs. yeaa.
no no, i am grateful.

ahahs. thank u for choosing the photo. i pray that the photo will melt solid hearts and make them question me so that i can bring Christ into the lives of the unknown- to have a spot for such ppl and even do mission.

that's what i mean by wanting to take photos that change the world. (:

hahahas.