enola

always rmbr to not hastily jump into your actions that are being mentally crafted out from your thoughts, orchestrated by ur emotions.



feeling quite gibberish now.
hahas..



just because i'm feeling all alone now (because i really am w/o mother poon..) it shouldn't mean anything really.
you've successfully taught me to be lonely in the midst of the crowd.
its something that i want to unlearn, and re-learn.
u know, it is something that i never really wanted to explore until you took a step into my world.



maybe its just because its really the time of the month and theres no way i can defy the biological chemical processes that are taking place right now. the quick mental neurons is probably stronger than it is, but right now, i just dont feel like it.



i am stubborn.
but its not something i dont want to or cant change.
the world around is like a paper bag. useful for one moment, and its later discarded or recycled depending how durable you are. no one really appreciates you.
once used, the value gets degraded and disregarded.
once crumpled, the paper can never be straightened again w/o its creased marks right.


today i stayed at home for the whole day, missing out church or the technical workshop that i'm supposed to be attending. i edited photos. played candy crushed. cooked. cleaned. watched mac and cheese swim in the water. but never really did the things that i wanted to do.
its one of the rare days that i spoke less than 10 words. i didn't make any phone calls today. left my phone alone in a corner. occasionally checking out social streams online which wasn't really out of interest but of a habitual routine.


for technology has shrunk the world,  it has also shrunk the effort needed to maintain a relationship. everything can be done so effortlessly nowadays, w/o the time in between to consider or think. while there used to be a gap while we're physically searching for phone numbers, addresses, envelope and postal stamps, everything now is just less then a finger's effort away.

it has then altered the way humans value the effort in maintaing a relationship, which eventually, redefine the whole idea of a proper relationship. while the whole bgr thing is probably more 'important' in that sense since it's probably the root of starting a family to walk with u the next 3/4 of ur life time, friendships that contribute to the building blocks in ur life has also suffered in many indirect ways.



so what's important now?




right now, its just me and the emotional bit. i'm sure i'll be back to normal within the next 2-3 days la. just need it to be over faster. sucks to be this kind of girl at this time of the month, once every month for the whole year and until i get really old. suck it up bitches. hahas
but yea, its really during such times that we gotta be mindful of our actions. we need to take extra care to whats going out and what's coming in. ie, we shouldn't be making actions just because we feel like it and then eventually abandoning its consequences in regret; we shouldn't be absorbing in words that are sugar coated just to make us feel good and giving leeway for anyone's benefit that we aren'r really serious about in the first place.
1 min of action may mean 1 year of regretful consequences.




the night indeed does strange things to us.




perhaps its coz the vision we're getting at night is just a reflection from the sun who's supposedly to be resting. the source of light we get at night isn't really genuine but just a reflection of the real source of truth. everything becomes cold. shadows. its just a metaphor. but let's just say that maybe the true source of light from the Sun is one that really lits up the truths around us. and once it goes away, the moon takes over and tries to be like its own  master which then screws everything up.

but it does give us that peace and rest we can't really get from the battles we face when the truths are all being lighted up.




gibberish.meaning.less.





what i feel and how i feel honestly, is not important now any more.
i probably should have grown out of it at this age right now.
since i'm running away and w/o that ability to be up against what will be, i shall take all these along my stride and pay little or no attention to it.
coz really, it does not matter.









anyways. long wkend ahead.
feeling lazy with the indulgence of time i have spent at home, but i have to.