dont bother reading.
i need to talk to someone.
i just duno how to. coz
i dont even know how to.
i dont even know whats wrong.
one main objective thing, career. WHAT?
ok, last whole post on that.
2nd main thing, is about my r/s with God.
that one, i'm clear of what to do. what i'm not doing. and what i should do.
so, ok, good. checked.
3rdly.
(wait for it.....)
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..
(so secondary sch to use this fullstopenterfullstopenterfulllstopentershit) to create suspense huh. ahhas
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you.
hahas. what's new right. ikr.
recently, i'm trying to overcome everything. i really, literally, had to push myself to start looking at guys and have hope again. ahhas. i've reallly no hope. no faith, and no love.
its not as simple as give-love-a-chance-as-not-every-guy-is-like-that ya.
and in the midst of all this ironic pushing, searching for life's direction... i feel that i'm getting myself tangled in this self-hustle.
the more i search, the more i strangle myself.
its like, i feel that the older i get, e more i loose my head, and heart. when i was younger, i was more sensibly clear-headed.
i dont think i'm expecting alot or anything; infact, nothing?
so long as i've gotta friend i can depend on 24/7 whom i can be myself with and walk on the same path closer to God, i am happy.
y i'm saying all these now, is just to be sure of myself. like i always say, blogging helps me sort out some of my thoughts coz the hand slows down the brain.
haiz.
i just dunoo if i'm really missing you or what.
okok. i know i guess? i just miss a close friend.
coz i think we've been close since forever. we're darn good friends even before we started out. maybe a good 3-4 yrs of friendship before we started out? happy things also share. sad things also share. ur maths got good grades also share. i bowled like shit in B'div also share. and also because it was during my pre-teen yrs/ growing up age, growing up with u made everything seemed certain, always having someone 24/7 with just an sms away. a call and u'd be there in a bus journey's time.
so maybe like u know, having someone always there for 7-8 yrs... then suddenly no more.. its getting hard to adapt.
and its been 5 yrs since u've been that void, and i dont think i've fully adapted to the whole environment yet.
idk why i'm struggling so hard.
does at least 20% of the breakups go through the depth of what i'm feeling? or is it really just me?
i've always wanted the best for both worlds, even if it means at the expense of my own self-interest, or happines, i dont mind.
ok. if only father poon was around. life would be so much easier.
at last there's a dad at home. and what's more.. chances of me in SIA's aerospace company is gg to be high. if i'm in doubt, at least i can go down and check it out or something. for sure, father poon will find a way.
dammit.
i'm missing 2 impt guys in my life.
just, a long lost friend and i had a quick chat on fb (and ya, no longer msn).
it was probably the most, valuable advice so far.
hahas.
his quite a special friend. as in like... the story of how we met. coz we'd always take the 6:17am 196 bus to sch (if i rmbr correctly). he's from vs which my sch is just a 1 street down. complete strangers. but i mean, u're probably recognize who's been taking the same old bus with u to sch every morning for 1-2 yrs right. ahhas.
then one day, i sat the same bus as him twice- to sch and back from sch, and met him at tamp safra. so its like 3 times in a day!? ahhahahahas. how coincidental ttm. so i asked some of the other bowlers who's he.
and ta-dah. friends! ahhhahas. through friendster and msn la that time. ahhahhas
but yea. he's always like taking care of me, treating me like a brother and stuff.
so, thank u! hahas. and there's 50% chance that u'll read this, so, thank u. and really, thank God for some how managing to have a trustworthy friend like u so randomly.
ok, now that all the shitz out, ready to take on the world for another wk.
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