i dont usually blog at tiem time..

i'm not studying well when i have the whole day free.
when i have trngs at night, i study well b4 that though short-lived.

tsk tsk.

its just 3 more papers and i duno why i'm complaining.










i stumbled on ntu's sports mgt course' blog and saw this. quite cooll...

From The Meaning of Sports by Simon Barnes

156 Sport is everything: sport is nothing. Sport is important: sport is trivial. Sport is packed with meaning: sport means nothing. Sport is an escape from real life: sport makes real life uncompromisingly vivid. Sport is packed with contradictions: sport is the most straightforward thing on the planet. Sport is simple: sport is complex. Sport is beautiful: sport is irredeemably ugly. Sport is only about winning: sport is mainly about losing. Sport is about courage: sport’s main subject is fear. Sport is for fools: sport is for intellectuals. Sport is about the creation of a living mythology: sport is a soap opera of the tedious doings of tedious people. In sport you find the commonplace: in sport you cannot avoid the truly exceptional. Sport is about strength: about weakness. Sport is endlessly entertaining: sport is full of longueurs. Sport is predictable: the point of sport is that no one ever knows what happens next. Sport tells us nothing new: sport supplies us with one revelation after another. Sport is about partisanship: sport is about the search for an abstract and unaffiliated excellence. Sport is about breadth of vision: sport had its being in the narrow and the one-eyed. Sport is about perfection: sport is about the endless fallibility of humankind. Sport is about the heroic: sport is about the craven. Sport is about the audience: sport is about the performers. Sport is about learning the new: sport is about the reconfirming of prejudice.... People care deeply about sport: people know that sport means nothing. For a champion, sport is a matter of life and death: in sport, victory often goes to the person to whom it matters least. Sport is a modern invention: sport takes us back to the most ancient parts of ourselves. Sport is basically uncivilised: sport is the first luxury of the civilised human. Sport owes everything to the age of television: sport is 65 million years old. Sport is something you do: sport is something you watch sport is about action: sport is about personality. Sport is about ability: sport is about character. Sport is about discipline: sport is about excess. Sport is about self-control: sport is about letting go. Sport is a form of madness: sport is the ultimate sanity. Sport is foolish: sport is a great bringer of wisdom. Sport is a waste of time: sport is something that can enrich all who come into contact with it...






"If you want to play, train your body.
If you want to win, train your heart. "

shingz la.

today's the semi and finals.

faced NTU in the semis. felt that they really wanted it. in the scrum.. though i was 2nd row, i felt like got hit by many cars. it was hard.
a few times if they didn't drop balls, they could have won the game.
in the end, we won the game. it was close. 10-0.


then NUS. ok, we lost.
i felt that we weren't really aware of the open space on the sides. maybe we tried to take in too much? i duno. but personally, i felt very restricted. hahas. duno how to describe e feeling. also not say lost or what.. but like... how come cannnot move on faster.


after the game. very upset lor. but NUS really deserved it coz they showed it. both teams were just out to kill us. and on the other hand, we weren't aggressive tgt enough.


saw the game rp and ntu. playoffs. damn gd. 0-0. then sudden death.. ntu broke through at their 5m. and scored. it was like.. wahs. but RP really played damn well. like... wah-kinda gd.



so yea, for this, we gotten 2nd.

then after the women's game, TP vs RP contact guys pol-ite. damn damn tight. drama game la. ahhas. if TP wins, RP will be 3rd. if RP wins, TP will be 2nd. so RP had alot to fight for after loosing to ITE in the last rounds.

1st half, i still rmbr rp leading 17-7. then like 2nd half, TP came back damn strongly. towards near end.. it wwas 17-23 to TP. then then, RP broke through scored again and converted. then TP converted one penalty. then last min, TP scored and converted.
so at full time, it was 33-24 to TP.



so many games on RP's field today. ahhas
after all the game, cheepo-ly followed the TP's supporter bus back. ahhas. they had the whole tpsu down luh! hahas.



last night, i couldn't slp. so i started drawing.
2-3hrs? ahhas. till 6am man. ahas. A* for perseverence pls.


taa-dah!


i really think i've something for the arts. music. photography. dance. and now drawing. AHHHAA.
should just forget abt all the sports. ahhahahhahas. AS IF. ahhas.

drew this 3 yrs ago. ahhas.





hahas. honestly, i dont know what i'm doing.
i




ok lastly, i hurt my right palm during the game just now. someone also kicked my left eye la! was damn scared. but likely swollen abit then no more. but my right palm now still v pain. next thurs' collegiate Masters. i hope i'm in. or at least R2. hahas.i hope my hand can be ok by then, then can bowl properly. and i have bruises everywhere. i think ppl see alrdy will think that i kena abused. HAHA. eh. issit me or what. like so bloody injury prone. literally.

i think it's Murphy's law la. when one goes wrong, everthing else goes wrong. i think its coz of my ankle that i'm just not performing. or, i'm my mind is just not right because i think too much abt my ankle.

hahas. today a random thing that clair brought up was right... she was like... "eh. i suddenly think of the song.. Shut Up and DRIVE DRIVE DRIVE". maybe it should just be our team's cheer. shut up, and drive drive drive. ahhahhhas.


haiz.

ok. for christmans, pls buy be like a box of tape. not those damn sticky ones ok. today the physio wrapped by ankle.. damn solid ar. ahhas. damn gd. that tape gd. not damn sticky,... just nice. ahahs.

okok. bye. i think i'm gg to draw one more picture tonight.

die

when i saw her, my heart skipped a beat.
its not the first time. :\

tadah!

so here's the power of blister plaster.




went for class today. couldn't do much. my ankle still hurts. the inner side is starting to hurt. i forsee something! ): ahhahas.
dun think too much. after exam, i'll see doc!
or, this thurs b4 game, i hope the physio's there! hahas.


i cooked today. AHHA.
see below.

looks damn gd right. i have a bright future ahead. hahahs. genius.





studied 3 pages today. three.
out of... 3 big CHAPTERS. whooots. u're in trouble marian. hahas

OB

hah.
one paper down.
and i think this would be the easiest paper that i'd be getting. 25 m paper 5 qs. tmd.. write so much. i think one point is 0.25marks. shouldn't have studied so hard for this sub.
next 3's gonna be hard. haven't started on the 3.


but today, b4 gg into the exam hall. felt the nerves man. ahhahas. its been a while since i'm taken an exam. last night, packed my bag duno how many times. especially my pencil box. AHHA. so uncool. hahahhaas. ok. must work harder so that i can walk into the exam hall w/o even flippin through my notes.



after paper.
trng alrdy. our first trng with a proper coach coach. ahhahas. was fun.
learned alot today.
someone stepped on my hand... damn pain.with the stud marks and all... it looks like cane marks. ahhahahahahas.


somehow missed the days where i had to cover my cane marks from my mother when i go to sch. AHHAHA.




met az in the mrt station.
then met bren in the train.
ahhahas.




came home.watch tv.aching all over.
my ankle still hurts. now my inner ankle is starting to feel a slight strain.
i think by after exams if not ok, i'll see tie da. if still not getting better, i'll waste money to see ang moh doc in return for just a more peaceful heart. hahhahhas.

shoot me

i think i'm complacent in this subject. 2nd time taking this. 4th time gg through the concepts.


have time but not using it wisely huh.

polites

i went down today.
great news to hear that the girls got 2nd and 3rd for doubles.
angmoh ah lian was 2nd of the pool aft 1st blk. 2nd blk wasn't nice for her so she dropped till 7th. WASTED. is ur turf man. angmoh ah lian grew up there. hhahhas.
overall, i think TP didn't do as well as they would have probably expected. i think the girls did... maybe the corner lanes for the guys weren't helping.
oh wells. move on and fight harder next year!!



i've always wanted major tournament to be held at safra tamp. its like... major homeground and i always bowl well there. the only tournament held there once that i took part was this fun bowl. where i bowled a 190 avg. tmd. girls and boys tgt.. so i wasn't top 3. no medal. no prize.


looking at the pol-ite medals. i always look back at the 3 yrs spent in TP. gd and bad, i've learnt. i've probably still not able to learn to let go of the opportunity cost wasted.....or rather, the chances that i've been depreived of an opportunity of a medal. HAH. then again, can shoot back at my choices. but i'm sure back at those times and situation, it was the best decision that i could make. just that some ppl just die die dont give that opportunity.
OH WELLS. ahahas.
SUAY AR.




“There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.” Oscar Wilde.




so when i was there... saw loads of ol time competitors, some of the older teammates, basicaly, said many Hi-s to many ppl but u... until u came up to me. HAHA. though i think be respecting as my ex c by acknowledging each other's presence, i didnt. i just cannot respect ppl like that. ahhas. maybe as a friend yes, coz i think the bunch of us really did enjoyed ourselves during camp together at the jetty. but as a coach, i'm still holding on to my 2nd thoughts close.





chatted with uncle A. today. damn funny. ahhas. i've always wanted him as my sch sch coach. so funny. i realised today that all my first choice schs were those he coaches, and apparently, they were unsuccessful.. like-
TKGS then to KC;
SP then to TP;
NTU then to SIM.
HAHAH. big laughs. i wwas blaming him. maybe it's he's secret evil doings. ahhhahas. the only time he coached me was during my days in SAJC. ahhas. but, that was a super shortlived time of 2.5 months. hahhaas. maybe barely 10 gd trngs? hahahas.


the coaches that miss alot have gone to places that i can't go thanks to my schedule, or, trng the national team now that dont allow them to coach any other ppl but them.


maybe i've think too highly of myself. then again, is it a crime to set high but attainable results? i think for most of the bowlers in the world, the most irritating thing is that we can bloody perform and shoot scores at times where we dont really need it and shoot shit scores when we really really need them.

sometimes even in roll-offs, u top the table. so what. hahahs. in the end, the outcome of the line up is nv in favour. hahahas. then in the tournament itself, u can't perform.
hahas. speak of mental game man.


that's why rugby and touch is like best. all u have to do mentally is to give ur best. everything all out. in bowling, i feel that if u have that mentality, sometimes, we may rush the shot, pull the shot and everything. it's hard to find that line to step on. tsk tsk. just need to practice. relax. practice and practice more.



after watching 1st game of their 2nd blk today, manda and i went bedok macs to study. wanted to go tm macs. but scared crowded since is a wkend. couldn't really study as productive as i pictured it. ahhahs. whole time thinking of the pol-ite.
i didn't even go for WTL today in the gd name of studying ok. ahhahs.
mon's ob. COME ON.





nike human race today.
missed it.
last yr, its the 1st 10k race i've ever took part in and ironically, it still stands for my PB timing. i think this race is somehow unique. it's marketing strategy is so successful that it even draws many ppl who dont do sports at all to finish a 10k because they know that the world is running with them. its really a great encouragement to many. googled it and read many blogs abt it. call me a mother, but i feel happy when ppl make that first step of runnning races.
i mean, i hate running running. but i like sports sports. basically, things to keep u alert and fit. i like ppl who dont do sports at all to start doing because of such events.


i've not been running or doing any form of sports since wed. today, really feel damn nua. somemore, with the new lift at my house, i never climb the stairs up or down anymore. ahhahas. nov 22 is the vertical marathon. i will have to start trng for it after exams and when my ankle fully recover. i've got only 2 wks to like... be pro at climbing stairs.. hahahs.



ok la, give my ankle a break for now.
but i scaared break too long, stamina all gone. i think really ar, with all the sunigs, ivps, leagues and all, my stamina has really gone up. it showed in my timing for the salmon trail run last wk k. hahas.
next run is the great eastern. i hope to take it as a test for my stamina and also how long my back can tahan. the route should be flat and even. so it can be a more appropriate gauge.

管家仔

ahhas. seriously.





anyways.
i studied bb todayy. basket. BB really got alot to study.
hahas. haven't start on DC n MR. MR shouldn't be a prob. DC i scared. but BB... so much! taking up too much of my time. ahhas.


gd thing OB more or less done.


tmr down to watch tp pol-ite.. then off to mug like mad.
tmr must steam. ahhahas.


oh boy.




u know. i booked revision circuit today and prac 8 and... I MISSED IT ALL IN THE GD NAME OF STUDYING. pls give me a pat on the back pls. ahhhas.
can't believe i did that.
but ok la... i could have taken e 8.20am slot. BUT. in the GD NAME OF HAVING ENERGY TO STUDY, i still chose to believe that there's a time for everything.


since wed i didn't go pirates trng and sun got Nebo touch, tmr, i will not go WTL but to study my day off after i go and take a peak at the bowling POL-ITE games which is held at tampines safra this year.

macs

hard to kick start studying today. until the last 2hrs.
i'm studying but i think too detailed-ly. hahas

too slow.
i gotta speed up.




my left knee is aching for no apparent reason. :/ seriously~.
need to start swimming again!



ok. i think i'll change my blog template after my exams. label ; follower features and all.

FB's monthly Photo Challenge

theme: self portraits.

click here for the fb one's.



hahas. omg. i think i just wont a digital camera or some sort? i think the samsung ST550.
its the monthly FB photo challenge. ahhahahs. wasted, not waterproof. HAHAH.
but nonetheless.... shiok.

but i saw other photos, i think they're like more pro than me. maybe its me and my concept-composition thing. hahas. just lucky this time round i guess. hahas.

evil.

IVP today. our pool's the combined ITE-NP-NYP and RP. the other, SMU NTU NUS. ahhas. its like another sunig.

i think we could have played better today. everyone was on a different level of 'mental readiness' to compete. but really thank God we managed to top our pool to face the 2nd of the next pool next thurs.
next thurs' the finals. i hope it'll be enough.


mum called me a goner coz my left has blister and my right is swollen.
was aching today. played forward for 1st game! and winger for 2nd. hahs.

came home, rested and watched tv.
then, i accidentally kicked the glass table with my blister leg.


9340720570928[5234/24kq29 PAINFUL PLS.
even with the blister plaster, the blood seeps out.

this was taken last sunday i think.


this is just now. i changed the blister plaster today coz it was totally fat with all my pus. will post up a nice photo story of The Amazing Blister Plaster when it's magically healed.i believe it will heal fast. AHHAHAH.
then the knock... i thought nothing. tmd. then so pain... so i checked.. bleeed. )):






give me a A star star star star for courageously taping up all my feet and putting on my boots to play today pls. i hope after this miserable episode, my pain threshold will increase by like 1000000000pts.

Blister Plaster

i'm so gg to promote blister plaster once my blister is ok.
seriously, its magic.
at first, i was like... how to stick sticky thing on my superly opened pus-oozing wound. then.. aiya.. just do it since the instruction say so. ahhas.
pls click here for the explaination.
damn cool.

but ar... it's not cheap $9 for 6pcs.
but. its very very gd. should have pasted it earlier.



so today,
i went for the UITM selection.


i think i shouldn't have gone. i should have studied at home instead of putting more risk on my ankle.
while bowling, i couldn't put proper weight placements. then after a while, i think i'm carrying the ball and all. then on the 1st frame of the last game, i felt a sharp pain in my wrist. i thought nothing.
then, i bowled again.. wah. pain. so i told myself, i have reached my limit. if i want to play ivp rugby tmr, i better TKO my game now.


i hate to give up. i mean like, i still can carry on. i can do it with pain. i've bowled with much more severe physical pains b4. ahhas. but i guess this time its different. ivp's tmr. exam on monday. game on sunday.
i cannot give up everything.
so yea, today, its my first day of TKO-ing something.



mum says my both legs are goners. right leg pai ka. left leg dirtying the floor (coz of the yellow stuff that's constantly flowing out). hhahas. haiz.
*cross fingers.- may i survive tmr's game.



AND more importantly, may i study hard, fast and wisely tmr b4 the game.
amen.

am i still really bothered by it?

should i give others a chance?


how about just giving myself a chance.

jungle run

HAHs.

of all the 10ks, this is my best run. its not the best timing, but one of the best! improved by like 15mins which is contradictory with the additional climbs and rocky terrains. hahas. gravel, mud, rocks, stones, shrubs. but considered nicely dry alrdy.
with my right ankle buang and a nice big blister on my left, it made the run more interesting. i think it a way, its gd as it distracts me from the tiring-ness of the run. hahhahahaas.


pity that other bikers didn't sign up. it would have been great coz we would be pros in finding the line of runs. ahhahahhahas.


so today, salmon x-trail run.
it's my first trail run. but at tamp mtb trail, i roughly know what to expect. hahas. i think i need motivation to do well. okok, everyone needs it. ahhas. i mean, i think i dont have like the-self-discipline kind of discipline. but today, i felt like lance armstrong. ahhas. ok la. only for the climbs. coz i was overtaking some ppl at the climbs and even some fit looking men. HAH. all thanks to touch trngs.
BUT. i slow down at all the downhills. AHHAH.
esp the downhill left turn. while running through it... i was like.. wah. running through it also not that easy ar. just then, i heard a voice calling my name. i looked up... gq was there. HAHAH. how ironic to have someone i know standing at the point of my phoebia. ahhhas.



overall, at the hills only allowed single filed... so alot of bottleneck and really can't run through. there's this part also.. the flood water uptill the waist. ok la.. my waist and probably all u ppl's thigh area. hhahaas. i think initially, they made everyone go through it. until they realized that the bottle neck starts to get more crowded, they let us use the bridge. that was abt the starting 3k of the run. 7k run in soggy socks and shoes on uneven ground is gg to do u harm.



these 2 photos taken by: blogger of k.iatsans@blotspot.





the flat lands. then jungle trail. ahhas. i like. HAHA. cooling. shady. but loose water damn fast. hahas. then the hills. the xt trail route.

at the 9k... HEAVY RAIN.
wah.
in the name of keeping my ipod alive, i sprinted. probably the fastest 1k ever. it was the rock garden first then the long stretch of gravel downhill.


throughout the run, i was damn careful. i slipped abt 2 times on my left due to loose rocks but were not major ones. but i did not stop besides the single file run and at the 7k waterpt where i felt my back needed stretching. i think my back's getting better.. i hope! (:



it's been awhile since i started posting photos up on my blog. hahas. so here it goes.



after the run...




amen. there's actually this damn nice cloud during the 5k part. should have brought my cam.




he wanted to do this.




haha. since there's first aid, might as well just make use of it for my wed's ankle injury. ;p. haha. but i learnt smth. they say... first 24hr if injury.. shouldn't ice. should spray deep heat. ice after that. hmmm. oh wells. i think ice still works throughout.


anticeptic lotion is sensational.


tadah. it is like.. outfloooowing pus like free. its from ytd's game from the new boots. i dun blame the new boots coz it really feels comfortable and i psychologically feel faster. ahhas. blame it on me not taking precautions. ahhhas.



hahahas. (: the future.


alrdy owning it. hahas.








today. i also had a great day with my family. i came home, though tired, i went market to the market with my mum, the baby, his sis and the mother. damn tired.
came home, made waffle-pancakes with ice cream sia. super family bonding. if only sis was here? HAHs.
i actually intended to study today. but i think also so tired, cannot be as productive. hahas. ok. tmr must work doubly hard. next wk exams. havent start on 3 subjects. tsk tsk.




ok. u know hk show i've been talking abt? the tang xin feng bao?
the couple part of the story is like. major emo. ahhas. whenever its abt this love triange thing, the soundtrack is 愛不疚-林峰 and 'Talk To Me'... emoly nice mans.
hahs.




















AHHA. btw. tv commerical... a new compliation of 'EMO LOVE' songs is out. ahhahhas. i think the title is literally Emong Love songs. hahahhas. tsk tsk tsk. is it like a new evolved genre of music? tsk tsk man.



legs are aching. its been long since i felt this kind of ache. hmmm. since marli's fitness trng. hahahah! actually i miss marli's fitness trng. makes u really feel damn fit when u're playing. hahas

ver. monster

i hesitiated today if i should go for game. if anything happens, i will definitely not be able to take part in the salomon trail run which i signed up for.

but i went because i wanted to play with ntu today.
during warm up. i tell u. wahs. cannot back paddle. cannot do anything that requires push off or like ankle work. like carioca, side shuffles, high skips... basically.. everything. i almost wanted not play coz the pain was like there.


but ok la. alot of positive self talk. forget abt it. just take care and focus on ball work. running hard to gaps would just be a bonus if i can.



then game.
honestly, i can't rmbr what happen today. ahhas. all i know is that our hands were actually quite bad and ntu's moves and ours were the exact same thing. pros and cons la. hahas. but i rmbr on my first attack, i was on the right link. gg for final touch. ball was passed to me, then aiya, since last one.. try the most basic drill of committing and passing. then i did... i actually successfully sucked in the winger then i pass to ruby and she run to score. damn shiok. coz ntu was leading 1-0. i felt it was a forward. but aiya, take it as a lateral. hahas. damn shiok.


another thing i rmbred a pass that boo wanted to make to me. so i reminded myself to stay out and inbetween my men. then she passed, i stepped and broke through. damn shiok. i was through! but soon, i felt anne goh coming after me, i slowed down, saw boo and wanted to pass to her. so i passed and she hit the ball and tadah, opponent hit the ball! fresh 6 to us. shiok. i should have take the dump actually, but i thought things could work for boo since i saw her in a gap. ahhas. but it was good. (ok. actually. after the game, i asked if it was really anne who was chasing me coz i couldn't see.. they say no! ahhahhas. shit. should have just run harder and more)
and it was like 4/5th touch i think. its really these basic things in touch that makes things very successful.


today i learn 2 things.
1) commit and pass
2) gaps.
actually they are one thing la. but oh wells. make it sound that i learn more. ahhaas.


refs are good today. the same gd/bad calls made. there's one bad call, but gd to us: i phantom on anne goh. hahas. but then puishan touched her. then anne said to the ref that i phantom. i did not like say yes/no or defend myself.. i just gave the er-ok look. hahas. then ref was like.. 'i didn't hear anything'. wahs. my heart felt damn bad but ok la. not a very critical decision anyways.


but yea.
throughout the game, i was damn focused on taking care of myself. like not to step too hard and i really back paddled hard using my left leg more. thats y i think now there's a big blister or my left foot. i've killingly applied antisecptic on my open blister just now and literally gave out screams.. hahahas. in the gd name for tmr.


but really ar.
throughout these days, i've been diligently icing my ankle. changing the ice when its not cold anymore and i think it has really paid off. thank God alot man. if not today i dont think i can even make it out of the house. cheapest and most effective remedy. dun need to go see doc who would require u to pay like $50 and hear him say the rest-and-no-sports-for-2-wks thing. yeahs. ahhas. just need to keep refilling the ice tray.


ok. rest well folks. may i survive the run tmr.

one more

i passed prac 7 todaay!
((:
revision pracs. then prac 8. then... TP.
omg. then license. i'm like.. this close. ahhas. i hope i can get my license by deccc!!!


was hesitating if i should go today coz my ankle's still pain. hahas. instructor today was like.. "girl ar.. ur leg dun rest on the brake, if not u clutch out abit then will stall". hahas. i ddin't even realise i was resting on the brake. but ok la. thank God not left ankle that's buang. if not, bowling will die, and can't even ride bike coz left ankle's the one that's supporting the weight.



went home. wanted to study. but played alot of things today. the violin guitar piano. shiokness. just short of the electric. damn lazy to set up. hahas.
figured out that emo canton song. 愛不疚 by 林峰. just not sure the chords for prechorus. listen here



then dinner. faith's bday. went the pasta shop at wheelock. then walked in orchad ION. leg pain. ahhas. actually was thinkg of gg to the sim rugby bbq. but like.. didn't feel like gg coz according to fb, alot of the sim rugby guys gg. just didn't feel like it and might as well spend more time with the girls. but i miss the rugby girls man! hahas.


oh wells.
back home. watch the hk show- jia hao yue yuen. (the emo song that i was trying to figure out is one of the soundtracks). the show of the love nonsense between 'yu si qiu', 'guan jia gong' and 'ling b' is like.. damn emo-ness filled. the actor raymond lam... is like.. wha. ideal bf guarantee pls chop.

did not study today. i think i'm also not gg to study tmr. tmr game with Vermonster! omg. must win if not, huo guo hui bu kan she xiang. thumbs up with the brillant use of cheng yu pls. ahhas.



this post is full of chinese. buay tahan.




tmr gg to collect all the race packs. i'm just worried for sat's race.
oh yea. and wierdly, the bruise that i got from mtbiking haven't gone away and its itchy!

林峰 - 愛不疚

howhow

meeting up with sara was great.
its like. no matter how long we've not seen each other for, we can talk abt anything.
missing geraldyne who's in australia.


my ankle's swelling. i thought today would be like ok.
woke up.. whoots. pain just eats in. i didn't know it was that bad. should have iced it the whole night.
regretted.
so today, i really iced it the whole day.


gd news.
the lift is done!! now, i have a lift on every floor! whoots! (sound like i own the whole column). ahhaas.
how coincidental. the day my ankle buang, the day God provided me a life to my doorstep.
no more walking extra rounds. no more scary nights through the scary corridor. no more carrying bowling balls ups the stairs. no more carrying bike up the stairs. i think the bowling ball part's the best.
but, say hello to a lazy world.
i hope mum still do some form of exercise.


tmr prac 7. i hope i can step on the brakes.
sat's wtl.
sun's the 10k trail run at tampines bike trail.
next tue's selection for the UTIM tournament.
next wed's ivp.
how how how.
so crucial. and how can i sprain my ankle at this point of time.


i really hope its just a sprain and nothing more fanciful.

just have to extra blog.

hahas.

as my ankle is really aching now,
but my heart is more uncomfortably aching now.
not for u or myself, but for the ppl u're hurting.


i dont want to be damn gracious abt it.
but looking at how u're hurting one g by one g,
how can i just sit here can continue to keep reading of ppl's post all being sad for u.


hahas. maybe including this one.
maybe i should just blog ur big name publicly so that u'll be ashamed of urself. but oh wells, u dont even read ppl's blog to start with. not even the ones u care. oh wait, do u even care? hhaas


u know what, i'm really gg to figure out some stuff. i'm not just gg to sit here and wait. i think its time for sportspoon to investigate. i've alrdy quite gotten hold of a new lead. hahas. i'm not gg to loose it.


whooots.



on the contary, why do i even care?
is it really out of concern for others, or just finding some my answers that are not answered in the first place. ok. both.

ankled

i think i'm too excited over my new boots.
while doing power step, felt faster. ok. its psychological. ahhas.
maybe my fitness did go up.


ok.HAHA.


then drills.. not even halfway. i think i stepped/jumped or what.. then my ankle bent outward. i felt 2 klak klak sound that from that moment, i realised i actually realised i treasure my legs alot. hahas.
immediately, i was thinking of the trngs, competitions, ivp and all. damn scared. hahahas.
ok. positive. thank God its just a sprain and nothing bad. hahas.. amen.


then later, eunice and all helped me to one side..then i can move my ankle.. PHEW. but damn pain. put the ice.. even more pain.
tmd.


in the 1.5hr bus ride home... was in pain la. bus also crowded. luckily got seat to sit. reached home, iced it. its still very pain. i think outer side i hurt it. i think thank God for tapdancing, its trained to be loose. ahhahas.






* cross fingers for tmr. i want to play on sat.

out of course

hahas. prac 7, obviously i failed.


out of circuit test. on road la basically. ahhahs.
they suay. go put me first biker.
i went off course, causing other bikers to follow me and they all failed too. ahhahas.


junction green redlight green arrow, i hesitated to go. then the big big truck honk me. tmd. hahahahs. scared k. hahahas. then have to change lane coz its part of the route.. i go and change right infront of that same big truck until he dulan and go overtake me. ahhahas.


already a hazard b4 i even got my license.



i got....




A NEW PAIR OF BOOTS TODAY.
dont have my size so its like 1.5 bigger. ): i hope i dont get big blisters. ivp contact next wk. wtl every wk. i die die have to get a pair by this wk.



so, bye nike ):
u've served me well since the start of pirates. till bangkok. and now contact. hahas.

istudy

went to peter's house to help the doc and alter-ego musician shoot his self made and invented instruments.
ate at ikea. had a gd catch up time taking abt mission trips, goals in life, church. hahas.


then. i FINALLY started.
since my home for studying aka bk t3 is closed, bedok macs.
ok la. but i think i study too slow alrdy. like 2 chapts of ob.
at this rate, i'll die literally. not because of the exam, but i think my brain will just cringe. hahas.



i'm trying to take this whole studying thing like a competition. to get gold. hahas.
if not, really no drive.

i K.Oed last night. hahas. ok. nothing. fb is distracting.





i miss God.

underwadder

u25 team, got champion. because there were only 2 teams in the category.

but the other team was pollypockets with ntu players and some more.. so it was a tough fight. first game with them, we won 2-1. they scored first because we only had 4 on the field when the game started so there was a small miscomm. hahs.

the finals was like.. nerve wrecking. though we come from different sch teams, we all wanted it together and during that 15mins, could feel that everyone was together. we for the first 4mins. damn tight. then pollypockets broke through near score like then siti dive to touch. she made that touch but paid a heavy price. her right arm got dislocated. so the game was left hanging for abt 5mins. when game resumed, i felt that it was quite professional to switch back to game mode as siti was like injured at the corner.. hahas. so we played the remaining 5 mins till the buzzer. no score.


so sudden death.
they score. damn scared. then we had 6 to score. then ruby asked for loop, came back to the inside gap and scored. omg. tension.
then then. play and play.. drop till 3 men left.
then they had their turn but couldn't score. the our turn. someone passed to jaz and she burned the wing majorly.
so we won. damn close.



for me, i think i still nv learn to trust myself it was actually such a gd opportunity to work in the centres and links and really learn more than just structured playing style...but i chose to stay at wing. occassionally moved in when i feel like it. its like.. what's the point if i dont want to move out of my comfort zone.
but ok... la. i think i scored a few today coz i still managed to support. but got one, i'm damn sure its down first. but heck it. hahas. ref's call is the final call.
work harder! keep it higher.


above all, i'm damn happy with the team. we deserved it coz, i think we found the line of competiting hard together and at the same time, enjoy ourselves. very much a time, we tend to sway to one tangent. like.. either too happy till not serious... or like compete so hard that we forget to enjoy the game.
so today's game, i really like. coz we really played tgt and enjoyed it.



so u see.
all u ppl who didn't reply my email, reply my sms nor even pick up my calls... i forget it alrdy. haha. and honestly, i was quite sadly shocked that when u ppl say u had work so can't attend and stuff, but u are able to play for another team. i dont think its last min coz i called u guys on like tues night/wed. so yea, that's mean. haha.
its even more disappointing that some of u dont even to bother to make that effort to tell me that u've already got a team or at least reply u're not free. u dont have to tell me who u're playing for or what's the team that's gg to be sent. just tell me that u have a team. oh wells.


add: eh. i still love my friends la. ahahhas.



so, today's team was gd. everyone wanted to play and enjoy ourselves. that's the moral we should keep it always.



but all in all, i still hope players will keep what's on the field, on the field; and what's off, off. in the gd name of sportsmanship, i hope there's no unnecessary tension created.. hah. but i'm sure everyone did have their share of fun.




take care siti! u saved us.

linked

today was up against TP.

i felt that this was a mental game more than anything else for me.

honestly. i was having wierd mixed feeilngs. happy to play with them coz they're ur friends... excitied and alll. but, all the more u want to win them because u've watched them grow into touch players. somemore, we're like a club and they're like a school. it's like a stigma thing whereby a club always seems to be stronger than a school.

the major feeling was more of like apprehension-duno-what's-the-outcome feeling. confident, but anything can happen. but i knew i wanted to win this. then. i was scared that i would be put to centre. coz my defense for centre really cmi. so during warm up. i think i was trying to be focus and urgent abt everything and became abit upset when i started to feel the rest wasn't as urgent as i wanted it to be. then got abit frustrated when i was dropping balls and like no one was talking. perhaps i was too much alone?
but really ar, thank God for jaz who like reminded me alot of things. in her own aunty ways, ahhahas, she was really able to set things right for me. also thank God for puishan, oats and cc who i felt was quite serious abt this. i feel la. ahhahs.


she told me to set a goal that's like 100% passes and catches. i felt comfortable abt it. then i realised.. if i was comfortable abt it.. then i think i can afford to raise the bar a little higher. then again, i just thought that the more i think of it, i think the more pressure i'm putting on myself- learnt from bowling. hah.

so. ultimately, my goal was to play my best. to the right thing to be effective on the field.


then just b4 the start.. i'm put to link. damn happy. my buddy sub was gillian. was gd coz her fitness gd. so can like fast sub each other. nice. u know, i always dislike being first 6. always so timid. but gillian also didn't want so i unwillingly got onto the field.

hahas.

then on our first attack, we did our 44. then near tryline, another move was called. so i made a switch with khairu and i stepped back into e same gap. then the def on my left missed me. i got shocked. then i saw a pair of blue boots coming towards me (ya, i'm that short to only notice the boots), then i stepped again, getting all ready to dump the ball and continue the move... then.. she missed! omg. i got shocked. then ran through and scored.
omg. shocked. on the first attack some more. but was damn delighted coz i finally succeeded in stepping to a try. my prob is always stepping too late, then stop. either i'm alrdy too close to defender to do anything or, if successful, i'll be shocked and stop there to take the dump.

so, on this, i made improvement.


another gd thing today, i rmbr its either jaz made a switch with a centre or with me.. but she was running left into a gap alrdy when i'm on her right link. then i reminded myself to support nearer horizontally coz although i do support, my support can be improved if i'm like lateral with my ball carrier when its near score line. so i did just that and whooolaaa.. jaz passed when the def came in for her and i dive catch to score. was reallly pleasantly surprised when i actually caught the ball. then score. hahas. omg. major inner happiness pls.
reminded me of the pass she made to me at bangkok also... where she dummyhalf break and i ran to support and made an impt score to equalize.


maybe its also coz i'm at the right place at the right time.


2 bad things.. i made one chuck pass to jaz. exact same thing that happened in sunig with shihan. i saw the gap and wanted my player to be there w/o looking or calling for her. hahas. so in the end, drop ball. i guess for this, dont kan choing. see gap then see gap la. so excited for what. hahahs.
another one was marli dummyhalf break through... she did that many times. on the first time when she was near me, i went up to her to make the touch. in the end, she gave touch pass so i felt that yay-ness. then 2nd time, i went up on her again, as marli is marli, she learns fast. the stepped like many many times.. then finally found her free support... and then the score was made by tp. i duno if in this case i should still go up for her and also be prepared to mirror when missed.
sim coach teaches different (from sch and club) defense for this.


i think today's like one of my best plays so far. i think i played slightly better during that bangkok game with bangers but for today, i felt it was the best i could arldy. so i was proud to say that it was my best when boo asked the team individually. abit bhb, but i know i wont say things i dont mean.


after the game, i thought we drew man. then no.. we lost!! 6-5. damn sad. it was like.. shittt! but tp played well together. u can see that they wanted it more tgt as a team than us. i just felt that for our team, as some were new, they didn't have that club pride to fight for. maybe just not cultivated in them yet. haizz.


i duno if its really because that i'm put to link that i can perform.. or.. its just a mental thing that because i'm more comfortable with link, i play better. so i asked boo. she said for my size and all.. centre suits me. but then, my playing style is more suited for link.
for me, all i know is that on the link, when i can see better, talk better, catch my breath better, call the moves better, i get more calm and then play better. maybe i should just learn to step out of my comfort zone and stop giving myself excuses.


so ok.
move on and start improving from here.



then was sunig awards neite at NUS multipurpose sports hall. nice to see all other sports pppl from other schs aand all. only got touch 3rd medal. hahas. i still want a team medal for bowling. heck it.
and guess who i saw! H-E-R. o m g. hahhas. she said hi to me first b4 i could recognise her. (: i'm so gg to talk to her soon. hahas. i'm gg proceed on with my mission. AHHAHA.






WAH. I DIDN'T KNOW THAT CANON PHOTOMARATHON'S TODAY. i wanted to take part this yr. SAD. only found out when i saw the ppl in the event shirt walking around with their big cams when i went to collect my salomon x-trail race pack.

bruised

so this is abt 30hrs after hit. hahas.
big and black.
i think my skin have nv reached and shown this amt of colours b4. ahas.




so. i studied. but started like 4hrs after my ideal time. hahas.
u know what. airport t1 bk closeeedd. ): its my studying ground since like... sec 2. sara gary yuanting!!! )))):



some of my friends celebrated my belated bday with me over at t3 popeyes. yea.
been long since i've spent time with them.
things are pretty much different now. gg back now with a heart's that neither prepared nor focus is just not gg to help.



oh wells.


many things tmr!
better slp early.



farm. restuarant. pond. rollercoaster. barn. cafe = no study.

trailed.

i went tamp trail in the morn today.
used the bmx trail as warm up. felt damn shock after not riding for 3months.

then went on to the 'teletubbies land'. we called it as such coz it really looks like the land of teletubbies. i think my fitness improved. i usually struggle alot with the long and gradual uphills. today was fine.





technically wise, had alot of probs. but still made improvements ok. hahas. i still keep looking down and dare not look far ahead. i fear downhills. i slow down. then when it comes to the uphill.. no carried speed. so i really struggled on those.
i still fell on that same downhill left turn. but not so majorly. big bruise on my right thigh which is by far, the most painful bruise so far experienced. hahas. its getting more and more purple and green by the hour. i think i'll be surprised tmr morng. hahas. overall, i think i still got hope la. hahas. just need to ride that part a few more times.




then dark clouds. so we didn't go the behind part again. HAIZ. always like that.
when we reach the bike shop, it rained heavily.

a very nice street bike that i would love to own. oohhh wellls. hahahs.

i think dad would always wish to have such a workstation at home.



sch's (tp) visual central (VC) darkroom. its for the vc aka the photography club. ahhaas. should just change the darkroom to Visual Cycle room. ahhahhaas.


was talking to some of them today, i realised that for this whole mtb thing, i dont have much drive to excel as much as rugby or bowling- which is gd in a way. hahas. i think i just want to take trail as leisure la. ahhas. dun want to put myself in any risk. ahhahas. but. might want to try urban cycle. like damn fun and inspired.



i came home and bathe.
then went for league. everyone wasn't doing very well. even other schs. lane was dry and yet patchy. my spares were here and there. my strikes weren't coming in at all though some of it are nice pocket shots. shifted until i lost the line coz it so darn patchy. then for 2 whole games, no strike until the very very last frame of the last game. tmd. totally hate this kind.

i want to bowl the next league at tamps pls. chevrons really suck. must be bad economy. anyhow oil the lane. backend not clean at all. argh. frustratinggggg.






oh wells.
gd rest tonight.
and tmr, i am going to study hard. i dun have much free days to study hor.

thinks

as usual, i travel more than i train. 520 left house for a 715pm trng. went home from 910 till 1020pm. so not worth it. i need the bike.
trng has really become more and more .... different la. i really miss the friends. after trng, i took bus home and no more supper.
gd thing is, i still do learn things in trng, so its gd.
and because of the constant trngs i have, i surprisingly did not feel as tired during powerstep. ((: hahas. so, i'm convinced that if i dont like run for more than 2 days, i'll feel major nua.





just randomly thinking... i think when a person gets better hand in doing somethings, perception changes. i think in life, be it we want or not, we're always in comparsion. everything is relative. and because its almost human nature that one will never be satisfied, there will be negative connotations along those lines.






"Bill Gates, America's richest man with a net worth of $50 billion, has a personal balance sheet larger than the gross domestic product (GDP) of 140 countries, including Costa Rica, El Salvador, Bolivia and Uruguay. The Microsoft visionary's nest egg is just short of the GDP of Tanzania and Burma" - CNA, 07oct09.


marrying him is like buying a country. if i have this kind of money, i think the world will be a better place. ok ok. maybe.



gd nite. i'm slpin early tonight.

choice

today, i went trng.
dates of roll-off clash with ivp contact.

he ask to choose.
i said "IVP".



hahas. duh.
roll off vs major tournament. what would u choose.

burnt and tired

its been so long since i've felt so physically tired!!

played 5 15mins games. hot sun.. limited subs = fitness.


to cut it short, we got 3rd.
hmmm. BUT. i really think we did give the top 2 schs a hard fight coz we're dominating the game for the 1st half. the schs win at the last few mins where 2 consecutive scores where let through at the wing.
honestly, i think it did shock them alittle. HAH.


i think. if we had better fitness and team play, i'm sure we really could have won this. but yea. go experience for all since today, its the FIRST time that we're playing tgt. while every sch was busy gg through their moves, we're busy introducing ourselves and playing team bonding games. ahhahahs. warm ups were just passing.

nice to see TP ppl around.
(:
when any TPiranhas are around.. the touch atmosphere always seems near perfect. ahhas. hohos. ok. i really miss tp.
anyway, back to the pt.


for me individually, i was put to centre. then jiawen had accident so i played link.
same thing, i feel more 'safe' at the link. coz at least i can see things- still need to work on decision. ahhas. it was mentioned that i have gd support which came as a small shock to me. ahhas. coz i know.. ever since i played with surya in tp, i always tell myself to learn to support and always felt i'm not there enough. hahas.
but today, ppl commented that i have gd support.. so it was like. huh. i thought it was smth that i've got to work on. hahas.


so i think next is 3 things: fitness/speed, agility and decision. my decision making suck. i lack confidence i've played for so long, so much, and still feel not confident. tmd. and i learned that today when i played with smu. that's the irony. when i play with ntu nus, i felt good. i felt confident suppporting all the way and stuff. but when i play with smu, for some reason, i just lack that confidence. i learnt a player w/o confidence on the field is as gd as not being there. i'm not sure if i lack proper basics or what so ever, i just know that i've got to constantly seek ways to improve myself.



my best game today was the one with nus. and i think everyone also felt that same. hahas.
so, i was almost right abt 1 win 1 lose 1 draw. u know, we almost drew with ntu.. 2-1. but there was a score that the ref denied. hahas.
was talking to this friend online last night. i told her, that if we won nus, i'll not play fb for 1 month. aahhahahs! gd to start studying also. ahhas.



next up. IVP end on this month and end of the year. contact/touch. bowling dont have. hahs!


oh yea!!! speaking of jia wen. i learnt smth totally new abt her. she's damn bloody brave literally.
she got the ball and was attacking.. this SMU girl suddenly came and whamped into her.. (i think she's from contact also.. saw her b4)... then.. both of them fell.
jia wen stood up and was all readdy to go back on defence while the girl was on the floor in pain. hahas. then nvm. later. we saw jiawen's left side of the face covered with bloood.
we called her for sub.. she was likke... 'its ok... still can'. omg. brave. ahhas. then we told there abt the blood. then i think she got abit shocked but like in a state of not accepting the shock. ahhhas. she also thought that it was the opponent's blood.
so we forcefully sub-ed her out also with the help of her worried boyfriend.
then realised... she tore her back side of her ear.. bled quite alot and was brought to the hospital for 4 stitches. brave. and still so ok abt it. ahhahhas. on the other hand, the SMU girl was no better la. i think worse.. she chipped off her teeth quite abit. jiawen said she rmbr dusting bits and pieces of tooth off her hair. like omg. superly forgetten abt the pain and blood and all.


ahhas. and.. we're just playing touch. ahhas. i dun rmbr contact being so.. violent like this. ahhahas.



oh well.
hahhas.





FB HAS VIRUS NOW. ):
anyhow send links on ppl's wall post. fb better get this fixed soon man.



photos by gary and bowen.

pringles

my mother and i are crazy over pringles now. the seaweed flavour is killer. then the taco cheese flavour also.
wahs.


u know. i've mentioned b4 that i've got this fear of gg into a relationship again. i thought that in the future, maybe, i can be all alone travel round the world with good ol kaki. once i've got enough money from firefighting. THEN... i realised smth today....

AHAH. mum and i went down to eat dinner today at the coffeeshop opp ntuc. i ate like beef steak coz i hope it can give me the amount of energy i need for tmr. hahas.
then.
mum said.."eh girl ar.. look at that man over there.. he ordered one plate of black pepper crab and eat it all by himself. ha ha ha".
hahhas.
ok. first thought on that: mum's cute.
2nd thought: ok. the guy is rich.
3rd thought which is somewhat more relevant.. ok. i dont want to grow up eating black pepper crab all alone.
ok. HAHAHA. so. if i do think of getting married and all those, maybe its because of a plate of black pepper crab outside NTUC. hahahahhahahas.

ok.
funny mans. ok.
serious la.





ok. tmr's the last sunig for me.
3 games. i think can win one, lose one and draw one. ahhas.
i hope we win 2 games.
i hope tmr will be enough. come one girls.

nyaa gold

so it has been one yr since we've gotten e award. again the ceremony today.
met up with old friends.

i really miss TP.


but yea. i did make the fullest out of it when i was in there... be it through the sports and projects.

all revealed.

hahas. oks. the time is like 2.43am.

w/o projects, i feel empty. (ok. many would want to bash me up for saying that).



so, i've been stalking.
ok no la. just massively reading each other's public space like fb/blogs and dah dah dah.



u know, each time, i never fail to conclude with my increasingly true statement- all guys are jerks. no offense, but seriously. [always want to put this up on my FB wall, but, i'm sure, i'll get killed.]
almost all my girlfriends' blog speaks about the emoness of the relationship.



i feel that in a relationship, starting out's the best. the 'honeymoon' period'. everyone's right- why? its really not because of a question if both parties are compatible or not.. its more like because both sides are just accommodating, compromising at every inch.


then moving on later later later...the girl would always tend to love her all; meaning, give her best to her boyfried. to just make sure that the relationship would work, and yea, will work. the guys, on the other hand, ok, i'll give credits la... will 'reciporcate' the love... be it unconditionally or sub-conditionally.
eveerything seems perfectly fine. ok. giving space and all the whatevernots.



long later.
it both voices down to whether if the love is still sincere or just still hanging.
then when both harbours own agenda/beliefs/whatever-u-call-it, both becomes defensive. and the best part is.. for no apparent reason.
be it commitment reasons/ not enough time spent/ another 3rd party- a person or another commitment dah dah dah.



then.
both starts to get unreasonable.
then, diggs out all the unpleasant past.
then blames each, w/o giving in context.





u see.
love is such a beautiful thing huh.




u give ur best. and u get the shit.
and best of all, no one understands. and because ur other half is like the rest of the world, once gone, u feel all the loneliness, emoness and shit.
u feel like u are left to die alone.... and perhaps forgetting abt all ur friends that love u tons or, simply dont see their love as strong as ur ex do.. hi-5 with me if i'm spot on.
thanks.



so.


i happen to stumble on ur ur blog. hahas. ooops. its actually stated in my sec sch report book that 'marian is a very resourceful student'. HAH. and well, i've never fail to live up to that.



and when i was reading, lots of thought process when through.
why issit that every girl who's with u seems to be facing the same prob. including the once me. i'm not sure if the current one's still the current one, but i do know that if it goes on like this, more girls' heart are just gg to break and have a hard time moving on. so, sh.it you. srry, but yea, wake up ur idea man. and, u dont even give dammmmnnn abt ur girlfriend's blog. i rmbr, u never read mine. perhaps occasssionally. ok, maybe u do but u dont tell me. BUT clearly, u're not doing as much as u should. perhaps all of us are demanding too much from a person who has to juggle studies and trngs, but hellos, if the girl is sad abt it... dont u want to do something about it?
so what if u're mr. popular and all, it really doesnt' give u any edge to do things that u like and feel like doing. relationship is not just about love and feeling. its abt committment, sacrifice, and both parties' true effort. don't carelessly fall into deep love w/o even really loving it true.




i'm not some guru here. neither am i trying to be one.
see. girls, dont waste ur youth. use all ur time to go and study, work and train. forget about guys who's out to waste ur time, money, effort and energy. go spend time with ur friends, family and all. they love u more. train in a sport and even make the nation proud rather than loosing opportunity cost for some guy who doesnt even appreciate you.



ok la. maybe i'm still being very very pessimist about the everythings of a relationship. no doubt, there are still strong ones out there. like my recent sis wedding, my parents and so on. okok. thus, its nv gd to rush it. it will come. it will. if it doesn't. hmmmmm.. too bad. change ur life goal or probably, just lower ur expectations, embrace the odds with love and be happy abt everything.





u know, last sunday, my contact team got 1st for the uni games.
b4 prize presentation, i suddenly thought of u. it was an instant thing.
for the month of sept, i was really chionging projects and trainings. i can say that it's the peak season of my youth because of the so many trngs and major tournaments and major project dues i had to face simultaneously. so i had really little space and energy to just emo on corner reminiscing the happpys and hurts. the month b4 that, i rmbr being emo. coz i had a lot of personal space which was left to idle away.


upon looking at the rugby ball, i thought to myself: where i was today, was actually because of you. i wanted u to be here.
i rmbr in march/apr 06. when i first stepped into tp. it was you who carried through the toughest time of selecting paths to take in my educational life since my road was blocked majorly. it was u who supported me mentally and emotionally. hahas. then comes cca recruitment drive.

i managed to secure my diploma because of bowling. as i circled round the booth, i saw the touch rugby booth. i wanted to join rugby-rugby... i.e contact.. because of you. perhaps, i just wanted to get to know the game, be a rugger, and sort of like fit-the-you. wrong objective, but may not be a wrong choice. in the end, i joined touch (coz there was not womens contact team) and really fell in love with it.


at first, i kept it from you coz i wanted to surprise you with my first match. always hoping that our tournaments would clash on the same venue so that i could surprise you. after abt a month, because i was trng so much, u cleverly noticed something amiss. so yea, i revealed to you. i rmbr that u weren't pleasantly or really surprise that i was doing so much for you.. u were just worried if i couldn't cope with my sch work and all. so yes, sad that it didn't make u happy, but happy that u were concerned.


so long long later.
we brokeddd.
then, true enough RSN 08. when u were in first yr in SA and i was final yr in tp.. our tournaments did clash. ahhahahs. but by then. too late. it would have been an ideal plot. hahs.


ok. so back to the point.


b4 prize presentation... i really was thinking, if this day was a day a few yrs back and u where there to witness it suddenly. i think i would be the happiest gf, feeling so proud of myself. proud because i succeeded in surprising u.
but on the actual day on sunday, i was proud of myself, not because of that, but proud of myself for stepping up and coming up strongly. for scoring that try, making that tackle and calling out the moves v focusedly.



its actually because of u that i am who i am today.
maybe somewhat emotionally stronger and perhaps weaker.
and definitely physically stronger.
i know now i'm able to see things both sides. so really, i dare say i am understanding.
but being understanding is one thing, being forgiving and being willing to empathize with a person is another thing.





so yea. concluding statement to all the broken hearts out there: all guys are _______ (fill in the blanks). hahas. after all these while, i'm still left in a state if i've gotten over u, moved on and so forth. maybe, i'm still confused but clear. hahas.
i know that i've gotten over you (after proclaiming i am when i'm not...but still am confused for yrs) and i know that i'm not gg to be ready for any relationship anytime soon. now i'm sure that i'm sad not because of loosing that relationship, i'm just v sad for loosing u as my darn right close friend and even brother. sad that u're not able to be mature enough to open up and take me in ur stride.

give me 100 pts for being able to treasure a person who has avoided me for 3 long yrs, and not having any form of communication. i really admire my heart for all these. hahas.




oh boy. time is 3:37am.