achhhes.

everyone was restless in sch today. weather was humid.
literally kept sleeping

then was trng.
halfway 1/4 way, my back ached. old injury. like wth.
then i lie down at the side line for the rest of the trng. the wind kept blowing. felt really cold.

then after trng, whole body was aching. and i think i'm down with a fever.
tsk tsk.




anyways... some stuff were discussed today. i dont think at this point of time, words of encoruagement will be make a magical difference. i'd rather everyone step up and give more than their 100%. that makes more sense and proves more. words may help, but individual effort that leads up to a team will be of better use.


i guess some decisions made should never be questioned, but whatever it is, may we fight our hearts out for the cup this year. nothing should stop us from doing so. nothing.




u know what. i did do a brief thingy about SIP report during SIP. now i can't find the file. great.

bdays.

day one of sch.
lecture was really challenging for me.

haven't really started on SIP report. kill me.


rushed home after sch to type out grp meeting stuff to email out. happily emailed without attaching the file. WASTED. if not can be like super effificent. so after dinner came home to re-mail.



dinner's gd. the 2 bday kids doesn't look surprised. ): haha. we're like gd at plannign surprises, but always bad at excuting it. i guess that's the fun part of it. toilet at b1 heeran was like cam-whoring galore. hahas. nice toilet. there's also another grp of girls happily cam whoring away. ahhas.



glad that georgia was there. where's ulrica! anyways.
tmr's like 30th dec. really cannot afford to be so nua.

still haven't watch Twilight and YES Man.
if i'm not wrong, this wk's trng's like mon tue wed fri.





come on come on.

hang outs

today was cool.



what i enjoyed about today was that i was able to hang out with people that i've not hang out with for a year. nigel paul avriel jeric jasmine kevin. high on Bridge and PSP. though it was just playing cards on the floor, it was just fun chatting over dinner and nonsenseical laughs over stupid strategies to the card game Bridge.


yea. sch is TOMORROW.
don't know what time. bring what. until what time.
then there's dinner.

then the next day, there's like trng. and as well as the following day. then there's sch. then there's also the projects.



u know what.for now, i'm just gg to pack my bag and sleep.
i need the rest for school. to CHIONG.

Coffeeshop Nite 2008

it all went well because of God's grace and peace.
thank you. (:

practices.

so today. rehearsals wholeday. so many first times for me.

first time singing. like omg. dont even dare speak into mics. havent done that in a long time.

first time playing the violin. still pending actualy. i'm super not there yet to do smth.

first time playing the synthesizer for csn worship. havent really familiarised to how to control the sound yet.



this yr, nigel & i decided to put up another song, tgt with tracy, paul and zheng. zheng saved the day because only he could sing such a high song. its called "Here I am" by Shawn Mcdonald.

when i first heard it, i knew that it was a song that i had to play for this yr's coffeeshop nite. but didn't really know why or thought much about it. we've been jamming this song quite a fair bit because of its nice acoutic touch to it, but never really making it for the vocals. until recently went csn's drawing near (tmr btw.), we decided to do it. paul, nigel and i tried to sing it but reallly really CMI. so in the end, yea, zheng saved the song.

so during prayer today, zheng and kim was sharing how this yr's theme was "Homecoming" and how this was to be a time for ppl to seek rest and shelter in God's presence. everyone's burnt out from this yr long string of continuous events. no doubt, so much opportunites to fellowship, however, it is as well, physically challenging to keep up to the little 'expecatations' here and there.. its about...

Psalm 91:1
"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty."


so as i reflect upon the lyrics.. the verse says "Lay myself at Your feet.. asking You.. won't u meet..". simple short song. but yet, comforting. so tmr, i'll share it with all! i'm still not sure if the violin will work out fine.


the end of the yr is coming. to me, the last wk of the year is about reflecting about 2008. this is one of the yrs to rmbr.

oh yea!
had 4sixers gathering. a short dinner at cheng en's place. though short, was enjoyable. hahahs. watching little nonya and giving so much comments abt it. hahas.




oh yea. tribute to vanilia.


Vanilia was missing for a few weeks and was finally found today. However, what was seen was a lifeless body lying in the drain. Vanilia is known as Ascension's cat because of its frequent catwalks around our premises, and sometimes even sneaking into our Youth Room. She has been a favourite among the youths as well was the 'aunties' in our church.

merry Christmas

so ytd was dance prac and then the family dinner.

since youth camp, been gg to church every single day. (besides the days in malaysia, with church friends. hahas). and tmr, i'm going to miss project meeting because of church. 10am dance prac. then 1pm csn rehearsal. then 3pm for the worship prac. then dinner had to choose between KC gang or SA gang. choosing KC one i guess coz many flew back from all over the world just for christmas.


tsk tsk.


been too fast with things actually.
spent free time making christmas gifts.
been sleeping everywhere else except on my own bed. haha.
2 nights b4, i was surprised to find myself on my mum's bed when i woke up. i think i sleep walked or smth. cant rmbr a single thing.


its not like stress-busy kinda thing. jsut that there are like 101 things to do. ppl to meet. friends to catch up.


i watched Australia today. 3hr long movie. didn't know what was the movie about b4 watching it.. but i think the movie's interesting. first part abit boring. but overall, nice. hahas. the part that stunned many ladies in the cinema was the part where Hug Jackman was at the ball.. looking really suave in his white suit. i turned back to see ulrica's face. priceless. hahahs.
could hear like the girls in the cinema gasped. super super funny.

this was the part.

hahas.

then had dinner. happy that the liangs can join us. ahhas. plus xueyan who's back for hols from Japan!
hahas.


after dinner, met up with some of the bowlers.. hahhas. ate ice cream- fondue. hahahs. with chocolate stained teeth. haahhas. was funny. ((: happy to see them once again.






so. i completed the Christmas gifts.
this yr, kinda different. i think everyone in church feels the same. no rest from mission trip-youth camp- carolling- CBC- christmas- Coffeeshop nite.

every yr, i'd recieve like christmas smses after 12am. this yr, i had none. i checked my phone and there was none. abit sad, but. ahahh. didn't really affect me luh. just thought abt it. but then.... today, at 1pm. 15 new messages. so i realised that probably last night the system got screwed or smth. i was ashamed for thinking such thoughts.. but yea, thankful for those long lost friends who wished. (: thank you.


so,
i was very very hesitant to give you my gift. honestly, its not so much of a you-dont-deserve-my-effort kinda thing.. more like... i really want to erase u out of my life in total. i kept ur gift deep in my bag. so then, after service, it was the gift exchanging stuff... as i gave my gifts out, there was really joy... to see ppl feeling happy to recieve smth that was specially made for them. then later, i found myself digging my bag for ur gift, handling it to ur sister to pass to you.
what a weakling. i'm sorry but i cant find any reason/courage to go up to u. tsk tsk.



so yea. after this wkend, sch starts. and. i havent started on my SIP report. omg. scared.

Pengerang returns.

great trip. i think we all enjoyed ourselves... was afraid that they would be too tired to enjoy anything.. but it was gd! weather's gd.

suan and dickson weren't able to come. so initially, i was very afraid to like take the lead coz if i were to make any wrong turns, no one would know and tell me. but thank God, it went smoothly. however, abt 5k b4 reaching the town, ulrica's bike tyre punctured.

die. no extra tubing or pump. so in the end, jasper took ulrica's bike, ulrica's cycled with my bike and jovin tompanged me. it was funny luh. i will never ever let any guy tompang me coz it'll be vice-versa ok. but it was funny. what an experience.


thank God, we reached the place safely. the food was all great. whats more great is that everyone knows me coz i've been there quite a no. of times. at the ostrich farm, i didn't even have to pay entrance fee. hahahhas. we're also lucky to see an ostrich laying egg. took make stupid but funny videos there.. haha. i think the girls had fun feeding the ostrichs.


drizzled abit, but not heavy enough for any changes of plan. for once, we're all on schedule. on the paper, it states 'lunch at 2.30'... and indeed, slightly b4 2.30, we're all at the restaurant. (: everyone had 8hrs of slp somemore.

oh yea, i lost my $5 sunglasses, again. left it at the big lobster there. hahahs. haiz. lucky didn't bring an expensive sunglases. cry arh!

sun-burnt.


reached home, bathe, rested, uploaded photos and went down for training. i think by then, was quite tired. everything was ok... just overallyy physically tired from all the cycling and activity.


yea. so then, was trng. emo weather. emo situations. haiz. i hope everything gets better k! whatever it is, just hope TP gets the title.

so now, at home.
haven't bathe. too tired. had dinner while doing this.


tmr, church.
thurs, church.
fri, church. having like 2 practices a day. dance practices, music practices... but bad thing is that nigel, paul, tracy, zheng and i are doing another song by shawn mcdonald this yr, super hard vocals, and we've not practised. ):



ok. i am gg to bathe and sleep. buay tahan.


eh gary, one day go tgt k! i bring u go recee then u can bring all ur adventure friends.

my church.

been going to church everyday since 14th when camp started. a whole string of events.
there's so much for me to share to u guys. i dont this this post is enough to cover what i want to share with u guys.


sum up of activities:
- nyaa speech (15th dec)
- teens and youth camp (14-17th dec)
- Carolling (17th dec)
- Carols by Candlelight (20th dec)
- Potong Pasir Outreach (21st dec)



must share this...
during the teens and youth camp, i went back sch for lesson and also helped Dickson to give speech to ASC leaders as a NYAA Gold awardee. funny k. hahas. it was so last min... i was wearing slippers and shorts when there's like the Directors, lecturers all there. hahas. then then. no powerpoint. and u know what, used MY BLOG. yes, this very blog that u're reading now, as my ppt slide, as well as youtube. hahhhahahhas. its abt my mt k and biking trip.


after 'my talk' hahas, there's ppl actually coming up to me to ask questions about how i managed my time... and how, as a girl, i managed to do all these stuff (like as if i had all the time in the world). it got me thinking really. hahas. i just told time thats it's really about the passion and doing what u really like do and stuff like that. little that i know that this little episode of sharing was actually a point of reflection for me during the camp.



so ok.

here's about the camp.



there's alot of time and opportunites to really settle down and think about my promises and commitment that i've made to God. to cut the long story short, i just need to think deeply in the depth of actually saying 'Lord, i give my life to you'.
we all know that taking up the cross is not an easy path, but surely and definitely and 100%ly, its the right one.

to me, this camp was really a different one from others. attending teens and youth camps from 2001-2008, this would be one of the most memorable ones (along with the 2001 one). camp commandent Yang did a really great job. not so much of the practical aspects of it all, but really about listening to God's direction. the theme 'I Belong', has indeed impact many.

ministry time open hearts and doors. how i wished my non christian friends were with me on that night. it just felt a time of revival for our tny ministry. today was like the first service after the camp, (maybe its just that we're putting up a song item for the congregation or what) we're all sitting tgt. even those that did not come for camp were with us. in addition, one of my long lost friend just came back to church like that. i'm not sure if anyone seriously prompted him to come to or what, but he was here. maybe like didn't see him for about 2 yrs? yea.



i really wished that u were there. there to feel God's awesome presence.
it's good that now, i'm not concerned so much for ur earthly activties like ur trainings, school work and whatever nots, but more of your walk with God. i'm literally in no position to talk to you or even say a 'hi'. but i still have the wide field of praying for you and your walk. i'd hope that u'd come back. not that u've left, but i'm sure that i'm not the only one's feeling that your heart's not with us, anymore.


CBC last sat, ytd. the vid went gd. the ballet was.. haha.. stunned most ppl in a slightly shocking manner. so basically, i was just tired out by the VIDEO and some other practices.


btw, havent started project. due: 5th January.

despite all these, i'm still able to go for trngs. almost died for sat's morng trng. hot sun, fitness almost killed. felt so unfit.





so anyway. the camp has helped prompted me to do some adjustments.
not like a life-changing thing, but like more of a i-need-to-do-something. nonetheless, it has raised more questions, pushing me to get out of confused mode and think more... erm.. affirmatively.
i'm still searching, waiting and needing ur lovely prayers.


today, was the PP outreach. real glad and encouraged to see the boys staying on just to help clear the place, to just be together. the camp has really made a difference in the hearts that were opened. i pray that its not just a december thing, but something that can go a long way especially in the new year that's about to come.



ok. tmr. PENGERANG! abit sad that so many ppl cannot make it, but glad that small grp can bond and do things faster and easier. (:





new photo album for my church photos: http://ascensiontny.multiply.com/

cbc rehearsal

so i slept at 8am today. waking up at 12pm for church dance prac at 1pm.

then rehearsal.
so whole day was spent in church.
tmr also.
sunday also. hahas.


oh boy.

still waiting.

ok. i found cool photos on the web. gotta like pay to get it. so just print screen. hahas.




((:

still waiting to recover and find time to blog properly.
manny things i want to share.

meanwhile, here are some interesting photos which i'd like to share, taken by my point and shoot.

ironic isn't it. read the caption above the boys making water bombs.. "Water for All. Conserve Value Enjoy". hahahahs.

liked the timing of this one. glen kicks to defend himself from the incoming waterbomb while trying to burst the balloon while blowing. then jason was behind.. so it kinds looks as if he's kicking him. hahaas. gd thing jason's smiling. gerogia's face is priceless.

i think this one, credit to canon ixus 950IS. motion blurr is present while image is relatively sharp. must credit myself for my improve panning skills. (: if i'd photoshop this, would crop into the expression of the boy's face. hahahhas. war-like creatures. all in the name of waterbomb. so amazing right.



ok. so the CBC video's 80% done. (: feedback from seok li and diane are very positive. thank God. went down to church for blocking today. tmr's full dress rehearsal and Coffeeshop nite dance prac. after that was trng. (so u see. how to do sch projects! Hahas. not complaing, just expressing my concerns.)

i enjoyed trng today. really. its been loong since i had this fun. i think most of the teammates felt the same way. i guess coz its also the nature of the drill. 5m line drills vs 10m line drills. honestly, i really struggled to go trng anot today, after so many things have happened. coz i really felt so afraid and just had the dont-feel-like-going feeling. but personally, i asked myself a few questions and decided to make this move by just gg down.

and i've learnt smth. for me, i guess sometimes i try too hard- trying to prove something takes focus off the goal. so really, just do it. don't think so much. if think, think about the things that u're gg to do, and not how u're gg to do. hahas. smth like that.




LOOK AT THE TIME NOW. 5am. whoots. i slept for 2hrs just now. haha. doze off while my com hanged.

back

too many things to share. i'll just post 2 collages of what i've done.
too many things to do.

the camp...













and carolling...







in the end, i missed training.
and, it was a training that i was waiting for.
i was a big sacrifice to me.



for now, i'm should just worrk about my IJs and reports.
like. right now.

timbre

timbre with the photogs was good. been long since we've met. amazing how 15 office days in suntec running around with our big gadgets can build such bonds that last.

great to see each other. instead of speaking photography language.. they were speaking abt army.. meisy and i were like.. ok. ahhas. i was tired. but real glad meisy was around as she really did an awesome job of talking to me. i was stonnign half the time. serena came real late coz she had something cropped up.hahs.
many ppl weren't there... will have another gathering soon! so that more ppl can come. i miss andass, kenneth and melvin.. hahahs! wonder how are they and where are they.







when i had the world to celebrate my bday. ((:



i'll never forget each and everyone of them.




just finished packing for tmr's camp.
i still cant find my small precious bible. and my canon battery.
haiz.




ok. my mind's still filled with u and i dont know y. i've still got half the CBC vid to complete and its 2:08am. i'm tired. i've got to be in churhc tmr for carolling music prac at EIGHT AM. then, have to take photos for the little gems. then, camp starts. and it goes on.


ppl keep giving me stuff to do. no, i'm not complaining. just upset that i can't seem to do things fast and well. aka, low in efficiency. i mean like, yea la, i'll always always give my best in all task, but i'm just afraid that its not enough because i'm too diluted with many other church stuff. its church stuff's alone thats taking me away from my projects. like i've said b4, i've already rejected other task already, so i can't keep rejecting right. i just hope that ppl will be more appreciative that a little piece of work really comes a long way.


ok. the parable of the servant and his 10 'talents' (in those times, it was considered like money or smth like that. when the servant used it, it was multiplied. does that mean the work load multiples? i'll take it as a challenge yea.
coz i'm...... SPIDERMAN. hahahs. crap. hah. yes.
with great power, comes with great responsibility


no matter how much things i stuff myself to do or my mind to think, i never fail to have images of u running across my mind, just like a broken tape recorder, relunctant to stop its path.
tsk tsk.



ok. AWAY FROM CAMP TILL WEDNESDAY.
i'm not sure if i'm able to go for trng, but i'll try.

fb..

omg. haha. i've just recieved news from an informer (ahhas. u're reading this now right right!) that u've created fb.

what a timing.


ytd, i was soo tired that i fell onto the sofa and slept throughout. didn't blog ytd (yes, whow.) i dont really know why i was that tired despite having a 0 trng week. but i do know that ytd, my mind kept thinking.

i duno think what. but just kept on thinking and thinking and thinking. especially when i'm not talking to anyone or when i'm on my own.
during sch, i just love my sch ppl. the group mates along with the 2M02s. hakim, now u're being mention the 3rd time. happy luh huh.


haha.



finally cut my hair abit today. after like 8 months or so? went out with ULRICA LIANG (: being friends for like many many years, we've not gone out. its either gyming or swimming at toapahyo. haahha. this time, we went town. whoooots. ahah. pity gland couldn't join us. haha. but it was funn.



after hearing some acoustic songs by hillsongs through gland's blog, i really want to buy an acoustic guitar that i can do recording with. BUT. having said that, i've set my eyes on a camera flash and a 50mm f/1.8 lens with my SIP pay.

i'm got balance.


and. i need the bike. i'm desperate.




sunday's tny camp. till wed.
there's trng on tue. (celebration nite, this is more impt than trng, but i really feel that i need to go for trng.)
sch on mon.
i have to finish CBC video.
also with the rehearsals.


God. i need ur help. give me discipline to complete my task.
i'm actually aiming to finish the video tonight. time now is like 1:16am. and i've successfully procrastinated.

(song that's playing now is "all for love" by United Live Hillsong- through gland's blog again. there's this phrase that's keep repeating 'everything i need is you...........'.... and then.. this song "Collide-... even the best falls down sometimes, even the wrong words seem to rhyme"..)

omg. hahahhas. how ironic.


oh yea. thank u jojo for helping me with some minor com prob. tech savyy max. d/l this freeware so that he can like 'pry' into my laptop while he's like at home kinda thing. hahas. tech savvvvy max leh. but gd. this software allows us to do project tgt more efficiently.



i duno why i keep whining and whining these few days. and the topics are so.. expected.
1) you.
2) sch
3) trngs.

sorry readers. my exciting life has now being like that. haha. i can actually blog more interesting things like how jamin responded to the tchr in order to gain participation marks in combined tutorial today. hahas.

share with u one:
tchr: "class.. theres like 7 Ps right... wads the first 4 Ps for?"
jamin: "Year 1".

HAHAHHAHAHA. ok. its a marketing joke ok. dont feel stupid if u dont get it. coz actually. the first 4 Ps is for tangible products (we learnt in yr1). while the next 3 Ps which are for intangible products which we have learnt in yr 2. so yea. hahahs. get it? its ok if u dont. not v v funny also luh.






ah crap. i talking nonsense again.

Bolt

watch BOLT 3D at The Cathay today.


the 3d version is only at GV Tamp and the cathay. i think.
was a great movie. the storyline's actually goooood. i enjoyed it though it was 2nd row from the front. hahah! bought the tickets at 5pm ish lor.. the 3D stuff as all worth it.


ohoh. b4 that, i went to THIS FASHION to shop while waiting for eveleen. ahhahas. boy, i almost died in there while waiting for her for about 1-2hrs b4 getting the tickets. but, i got a shirt, for $4.80! i'm gg to wear it tmr. its nice ok.


so, the movie was with shaun, eveleen and jay. ahha. eveleen and i had a gd time tgt for dinner as shaun was stuck at work while jay was stuck at home. (: ahhas. it was stupid how eve and i walked passed NYDC, saw that oreo cheesecake, went in, sat down, flip the menu and order that oreo cheesecake to eat. hahas.

that was like totally indulge in food pls. then we had gd food at MOF, followed by our fav vanilla ice cream topped milo-almond-choc chips and condense milk with soft shaved ice. whooooooooots. it's always never enough.


after that, supper was cancelled due to unforseen circumstances (yes, laugh eveleen, laugh. hahahs) shaun sent me back. haha. we like drove round changi v to see at hot erm... ladies. haha. they were... hot ok. their legs, whoooots. tone to the max. seriously, tall, tone, and whoots. their standard really uppped. if i'm a guy, i might like consider, but i WONT go for it. hahahhahhhahahhas. omgs. yes. hahas.
great time 'touring' round the sides of the airport runways. coz he's like a fighter pilot.. so he knows like the different runways and stuff. hahas.


so in sch, i love my joelle, estee, von, gabriel, and jamin. hahas. project discussio became like SIP thrashing session. AHAHHAS. i love lectures coz of the many 2m02 faces. esp like how estee would have a very estee-expected kind of comment and hakim and i would look at each other and just either laugh or echo the comment. ahhahahs. oh boy. i can't believe sch's ending soon. not to mention project dues. hahahs.







so yes. i do have a social life. this is like my rare going-out-just-to-hang-out-hang-out kind. not to like catch up with ppl or like meet old friends or wad.. but to really just, hang out. hahahs.






right now, i think i'm facing abit of sensitive issue prob. when guys are nice to me, i tend to get very worried, esp when they start asking very telling questions. its not like a outright black and white i-can-explain thing... but just like.. an uncomfortable feeling.

i mean like, i have guy friends that i'm super close with and i know that my heart is accurate most of the time. friends like suan, dickson and many other other other more... we can like share the same room and like i'm super really sure that like they're my just close buddies and no worries kind.

but sometimes, just conversations or even those random questions just makes my heart worry. not that i'm bhb or think highly of myself or what, but to cut the long whiny story short, its a feeling of "i don't want to loose a friend ever again". i'm not sure if this is a phoebia that you have created in me, but i hope that it won't affect me ok. for sure, i will not give wrong signals, but i hope that any form of kindness or courtesy will not be seen as something more.

i dont want to fall into anything more than friends in anybody from now till... erm.. till you're totally out of my head, heart, whatever. not even gg out for incorrect unfruitful reasons or wad ok. one thing, i dont have the time for this.. 2nd thing, i dont want to get hurt again. the wound is so freaking deep that i think stitches will just split open even i waver abit.












abt 3 wks more 2008 ends! supposedly holidays, but i can't seem to go out with the ppl that i miss. i guess u ppl know who u ar.


saw this lyricss. quite funny.
might make a poem tmr or smth. ahahs

If I Were A Boy Lyrics- Beyonce

If I were a boy
even just for a day
I'd roll out of bed in the morning
and throw on what I wanted and go

Drink beer with the guys
and chase after girls
I'd kick it with who I wanted
and I'd never get confronted for it
cause they stick up for me

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I'd be a better man
I'd listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he's taking you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

If I were a boy
I would turn off my phone
Tell everyone it's broken
so they'd think that I was sleeping alone

I’d put myself first
and make the rules as I go
Cause I know that she’ll be faithful,
waiting for me to come home, to come home.

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I'd be a better man
I'd listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he's taking you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

It's a little too late for you to come back
Say it's just a mistake,
think i'd forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
you thought wrong

But you're just a boy
You don't understand
and you don't understand, ohhhh
How it feels to love a girl
Someday you wish you were a better man
You don't listen to her
You don't care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you're taking her for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

But you're just a boy

this week

although datelines are scary, i enjoy myself in school compared to SIP. hang in there folks (to those who are still under the wrath of the boss of any co.)


this wk, i have 0 kinds of trngs due to the cirriculum's midsem test wk... but surprisingly, i'm kinda complainig that a 7 day week is still not enough.



eh. NORHAKIM.if u're reading this, hahas, GIVE ME UR PASSWORD FOR UR BLOG. why u lock it up siaallll. hahahs.


omgs.
i feel plain lazy for no apparent reason.
i miss God.
i'm thinking about the ppl in Thai as i'm reading sienyee's prayer emails.









there's so many things i can't find words to explain.
all that i know is that right now, i just need someone like you that i can talk to.
just talk about anything and everything right now.
i hate to admit that i need someone like you, but i really feel like catching the last 854 or 25 right to your house to talk under ur void deck.



puii. why am i saying all these.
such a 'friends only' livejournal kind of post. ahhahs.










i need to get a grip on life.
i've lost my strenght.
let me be the boy.

rainy

w/o the fan on, i wanted to put on my jacket while in my warm home today.


searching for photos for CBC video. have a little bad feeling about e outcome of it. *cross fingers.

SIP report should be near completion, but i'm nowhere near.

saw many photos in the hardrive that doesn't help me in deleting u from my thoughts.
cheh cheh. haha.



sucha emo weather huh.


i feel like i'm a this fork of the road. for the past few nights, i had dreams nightmares. very practical things like.... having to dance pointe w/o my toe pads. (i think coz i lost one side of my toe pad during recital)... and yea.. can't think of others. highly super miscellaneous nightmares.

we all have a choice in life. where to go and how to go about responding to a certain situation. no one has the practical liberty to tell me how i should handle my life. maybe advice, but not heavily impose. i duno what prompt me to say this, but i just feel that at this time, maybe, i should really really really start priortising my life.

all the while, it was about honouring God and going with what i like to do. now, it has to be more of obedience in God and doing what i'm suppose to do.

like for example, if i were to choose to further in my studies, i'd choose NTU. it should not be because their touch team is strong, but more of because their strength of their areas in academics. or like NUS.. not because of their dance or bowling team, but also because of their academic reputation.


its not really a question of i-dont-know or what, but its really how-i-want myself to be.



i used to be very very very achievement-oriented. competitive, hunger for results. and most of the time, i would reach my goals and complete whatever task that i'd set my mind onto.

ever since i shared part of my hectic schedule with u, u taught me to appreciate the journey of achieving things. i became less intense and really enjoy the scenery of every good bad situation. i'm not sure if its a gd/bad thing, but now, i dont get the results that i'd want to get.

maybe there's this fine line between enjoyment and competition that i can't seem to step on. its like.... mutually exclusive. can't be tgt. well, gd thing is that i've learnt to accept fallbacks.
it's the 'what doesn't kill u makes u stronger' phrase that reminds me not to crumble like broken glasses at times.


haha. i really think its the weather that's making me say all these.



well. i hope to wake up. wake up from this la la land, mostly thinking that the world will always go in accordance to the expected. i should really start being focused on working harder and not let worthless things bother me. i guess sometimes, i just dont know what i really what.

to be a marian that's happy in whatever she does, or a marian that's good in whatever she does. can't have both worlds- have to get it clear because i'm not superman in any way. perhaps a tinge of confidence and self-esteem might just do magic. arh. heck.


now priority is to graduate from TP with rewards that i'd be proud of. (very very very tempted to also just do well in my sports also though. hah.) i'd just have to keep reminding myself to not give excues to rest. coz seriously, sometimes that short stop kills ur momentum to keep going. just like in a marathon. when u stop, lactic acid builds, and eventually instead of 'resting' u're wearing urself down.

so, its either u keep working and working hard to achieve the goal u've set for urself, or just finish it to give urself a good rest and not inbetween.




ok. i really dont know why i'm typing all these.

Standard Chartered.

was down 10mins from the last 10k run.

each time i run, each time my timing gets worse. haha. but i'm really tired today.
after the run, went to church. then went out for awhile then went home. whole day, my eyes are about half closed.

feels bored.
many things for me to do,
but dont feel like doing.


owe many ppl replies, dates, but i lazy to go figure them out.
tommorrow!
let me catch beauty sleep.


thank God that i'm in Singapore whereby there's so many public holidays for a mulit-racial society.










i miss the stage.

Dance Arts 20th Recital

a success! haha.


for ballet, lost my balance on the gron jente and on the deflope (dunno how to spell some french word). but didn't really fall fall, just stumble. ahhas. enjoyed myself coz i think ms shanti is proud of us.. having to be stressed out.. finishing the dance like a wk b4.. with many more changes.


tap, 'Audition' was baad.. aha. made a super obvious mistake. the final part.. where everyone was like trenching on the last four counts, i stood to walk. like whoooots. hahahahs. oopps maxx.


quick change was good. but didn't have time to wear my long socks. hhaha. they actually started without me and deedee who was changing from the first item. coz our item was 1 and 2 of section 3... so they had to restart again. paiseh for those on stage.


the last tap item 'teach me how to dance' was gd. everyone was like.. fired up by the sidelies ppl at the side of the stage.... haha. adrenaline max. really enjoyed myself.

overall. hhahahas. had fun. wasted. didn't take grp photo for 'Audition'. (: all the hardwork voiced down to just that 4-5 mins on stage. haha. well, its worth it.

happy that amanda lim was here!!!!!!! and sad that vk and samual wasn't.. actually wanted to like phone them ytd night when we're all like.. oh-man-miss-them thing.. haha. then decided that it was too late for them coz the tickets were sold out a wk ago.. so yea. AWWW. come back to Dance Arts.





picasa has this new collage thing.. quite funky. haha...








tmr, standard charterd 10k. should i walk all the way? hahas.

rehearsal

haha.
eh. i did my own make up this yr all by myself man. ahha. actualyl a few others helped abit. but i did most of it. felt quite achieved. learnt many makeup things. hahahahahhahas. i now have an offical makeup kit. HAH. but, its borrowed from my mum. hahas.

deedee did the back of my hair and lynette did my frindge. ahha. i couldn't make it. haha. hidden talents.

i like this photo.


so.
section 1 draggg on. till there's no time for section 2 & 3. supposed to be like blocking, dry run and one major full dress. in the end, section 3 just did blocking and dry run. didn't even have time to take a grp shot for the 1st tap item.


for the ballet one... very confused to which curtain to run from.


lost a pair of earrings today, along with many miscellaneous clips. ahhas. didn't have time to do a proper testing of quick change. but roslinda managed to untie my double knotted shoes in 6 sec! hahas. i timed her when we're practising how to untie.


stage was slipper for tap. slipped many times. couldn't control the turns. many mistakes. stage was miraculously ok for ballet. almost died runnning to the next spot.


after today, i'm actually more worried for tmr. hahaha. there's like the audience now. and like. ah. just nervous.





photos for today.
used back my old casio ex-p700. extinct. but gives me the colours that i want. super slow focusing, but the outcome is worth it.








major shocked yet? haha. more to come.

prepare.

sch was like. 1hr of intro lect.

then some of us went tm to hang out. get christmas stuff.. this and that.
trng was cancelled last min today.
then went to collect my race pack! queued for about half and hour or so. saw many tp ppl as volunteers. saw many friends. hahas. felt like some sch thing luh. seemed to see alot of ppl that i know.

met up with jasmine there. haha. she always gets a nice no. 11744. haha. even i rmbr. hahahs mine's like 64457. like my hp no. ahha. she's running the full.. i'm running the 10k. hahahs. can't go more than that.



hahhas.


today. how unfortunate, my girl monthly best friend is here. my backached whole day today. lucky trng was cancelled also if not, i'm sure i'd need to lie on my back.

it still suan now. and i'm v worried. tmr quick change. haahhahahahahaha. damn scared. i'm super worried that my back can't take tmr technical and full dress rehearsal. haha. i'm all by myself tmr. no more mummy to help me do the make-up, hair and all. hahas.






ok. cast all my cares upon the Lord coz He cares.

dance

Happy birthday SUAN!
((:


today was my last of the rehearsals. friday's the full dress at the venue.
haha. was watching the teens hiphop ppl under Patrick. he said some stuff that's quite..meaningful. he was like sort of scolding them how dance is a form of communication. hiphop is done on the streets so gotta have that energy kind of thing. ahha. and he said that if ballet was a book... it'll be shakesspere. haha.
he also added on that if shakespear had known that we poor kids had to learn his language, he'd probably would not start his language as well. ahhas.

patrick's cool max. they got their pullover, skinnys, cap, and SHOES all for $59.90. hahah. well under budget. the wonders of peninsula.

was funny.

tap's tiring. 2hrs.



1970s. hahas. i can now compete with the pi jiu mei at the coffeeshops. hahas. this's funnny. roslinda's coustume and mine matched. hahahas. husband and wife forever.


oh yea. gd thing today: saw qing qing. then unexpectedly saw sammmmmmmmm in the lift. hahahahahas.



thank God, fri no lecture/ tutorial! ((: here i come.

tuesday

if only the whole team was there to hear what coach had to say.


ytd, i think i haven't recovered from sat & sunday that's why i felt so nua.
today, sch was at 2pm. so i had a good rest. legs and back felt nicer to me.
got called back, so was late for trng.



rehearsal's on fri. super excitied. super nervous. hahahs. looks like i have to source out to get a make-up kit. HAHA. oh boy.

SCHOOL.

day one in sch.
looking at the schedule. NOT FRIENDLY. we have 6-7 acad wks to complete many (lost count) projects. not fun.
Christmas season is here.
flooded by church activities and preparation.


BUT, school is way better than SIP x 1000000000000.




ended lecture at 4pm. and I WENT HOME. rocks. 5pm i was home. record time.
felt wierd and idless though there like tons of stuff waiting for me to do and clear. my photos are all not sort out. my room is still messy and so on.

i'm somehow, still tired. ):

happy 21st yuan!

showed the tny camp publicity video.
real glad that it was well recieved as i recieved feedback that it really touched the hearts of some ppl.




though weather seemed punishably hot, thank God we had a good sunday of fellowship after church. we've not gone out for like.. almost yr or smth. beacuse everyone's busy with meetings and stuff.

after that, went for yuan's big 21st bday party...

airport kakis- very very smart vd guys who are able to quote the page no. to find out the answers for ten year series.. funny how we're friends till now. since sec 4. never really contacted them. glad to see them after so long. most of them have completed their NS and moving on.

kc juniors cum prefectorial board. gd to see the girls again. ((: lizzy drives now! hahas.

all of us. the airport study kakis.

and. TPVC was there too! was a pleasant surprise. hahahs.




many ppl were there. easily identified TPSU ppl coz of their loudness. happy for her. such a blessed wonderful family. unique in their own ways. wish her all the best! (:

Youth 20s

so yea, i sacrificed my nationals this year, again.



anyway,
our team got champions.
for me, mixed feelings. just glad that i think i've improved in d. still got to improve for a. and no matter how anyone may look down on me and keep saying that i'm never right, i thank God for friends and teammates who tell me truth.
although u really took away my first game, i'm glad it took me one game to recover out of it.

the truths doesn't have to be something that's good. i know, and i can tell the difference between what's really to build me, or simply to just tear me down so that u look better. sounds childishly better, but at this age, this is happens.

anyway. really proud for some of my teammates who's improved alot and really fighting for it. (: thank u.



immediately went for the last saturday rehearsal and danced all out.
still scared.


tired. and burnt.




usually, i'd take like 10mins to get home. today, i took near 20mins coz i was really dragging myself home.

we had 5 games, 5-2-5, with about 15mins interval each games. and had the finals as well.
hot sun.
gd weather.

28th nov.

i ensure that my desk was cleaned, chairs in, laptop closed and things are packed.
i press the button, walked out of the glass door, ASAP.
press the 'down' button at the lift area, went down a pretty avg 14 storey building,
RUSHED OUT to meet freedom.



i felt good.that feeling was just- SHIOKKK.
freee from being quiet and not myself.
even today, nothing really much the different even though most of the collegues are clearing their annual leaves.
but, thank God for everythign. i don't really care about the results, i just want to thank God for working with a bunch of ladies with office politics.





28th nov.
it used to be a very impt date.
it's still is now, just that, i can't do anything about it.


well, its ur bday. hahas.
every year, i was in thailand.
it was only the 2nd yr that u were in thailand with me.
last yr, u were also in thailand with me.


so basically, every year, we couldn't have a proper celebration together because we're on a mission trip. i couldn't do anything though there were a thousand and one ideas to surprise u to just make u feel special.


and when its my bday, it always falls on a day where u have ur trng or i'll have mine.
we seem to been busy with our sports. we're captains then. u had ur team to lead, and i had mine, plus, i had the whole prefectorial board to lead as well.
but, i think i've done my best by meeting u downstairs at ur place coz i cared for u. (sia la). haha. i didn't want to tire u (its not that near ok). though i had a straight bus, it would take about 45mins? someties less if its late at night. i was tired, burnt out. didn't have any time to do my homework though O levels was around the corner. i felt that it was worth it and didn't take note about it. i really thought i could do it, thus, no matter how tired i'd be, i wouldn't voice it out. big mistake.


u'd offer to send me back, but being marian, i strongly rejected it coz i felt that it wasn't practical and u're just wastin ur time. that's also maybe a wrong move. i guess sometimes in a relationship, its not just abot being practical about life or just caring for a person. it may be better to care for the relationship as a whole. to just spend time with each other, at the right priortised time.

so its like, we over cared. we just over want the best for each other by not really telling the full story of stuff. not being bhb but, when i was with u, there was guys chasing after. i kept it from u because i knew u'd be apprehensive abt it coz we sort of like just started out. and then when u found out, both of us couldn't say much. i just couldn't. and it carried on.

and then, me being not confident always feel that i'm not the best for u. which made u feel that way about urself towards me. haha. that was just plain wrong and yea, wrong. not good. it got worse when i got to SA. i think for that u're over paranoid from me moving from a girls sch to a co-ed. even though u knew like 80% of the SA DSA guys who were mostly from ur sport (who were my friends), u were still worried. hahas.tsk tsk.



looking back, maybe i've set priorties wrongly. it should have been study over sports and then over u, and not u as the near top. i've learnt that really, trust, mutal understanding and transparency is impt. there has to be both the practical and not so practical stuff in it. i shouldn't have been so.. headstrong. meaning to carry my burdens all by myself even though i know i could do it. yea, i did share with u, but held back most of it coz i didn't want u to worry. again , mistake. i guess, the female side has to just be not-so-strong so that the guy can indirectly give the girl some sense of security if not he'll fell... erm.. not good about it?




sometime back in august, i wrote a poem in an attempt to express myself.



sometimes i think i've totally left the past behind.
but the sweet memoraries dont make me fine.
sometimes i do miss my dad,
but missing you can even make me more sad.

i dont really know what would salvage this defeat.
sometimes i'd just sit there staring at my two blank feet.

this' e beauty of this complicated impatient girl,
never wanting to admit that one's becoming frail.
i get it, i deny it.
i dont get it, i long for it.

sometimes i thought i've moved out of that state,
but deep down inside it's still an empty crate.
deleting you out of my life is becoming impossible,
because your surving phone number is making me disable.

now you've got someone who's gg to be there for you,
and reallly, i'm just so happy and glad for you.
i'm just so proud that i can think this way
and still get on with my endless day.

in a way, i'm glad that we've decided to go seperate ways,
but i'm just not fine with how so many things were left unsaid.
with her around, i hope u'll do even better,
coz i'm amazingly still praying that she'll fill your empty craters.

if time could just go back to where we started,
i'd say that i'd have many things adjusted.
our feelings weren't enough to hold this together,
coz i know that many things that were making this whole thing blurr.

maybe in the first place i should have just kept to my principles,
never wanting to place my trust in any of you people.
but i guess ur heart really made mine melt,
and uptill now, i dont really regret how i felt.

but one thing i dont regret is falling for you,
n that's the thing that's giving me no clue.
nothing seem to be able to break that heavy fall,
neither can i retrieve that rolling ball.

bah! so edgey!
and just so crappy.
maybe i just miss you.
your words left are now like glue.

somtimes i just dont know whats wrong with me now,
i'm always welcoming you back to take a bow.
no, nothing more than that,
coz i nv again will i want to be this sad.


ok. get out.
i shall just sit here and pout.




hahhaa. looking at the whole thing, maybe that wasn't the right time to start. i should have just prolonged our friendship first. we're friends for about 4 yrs but i think that wasn't really enough. our friendship base wasn't strong enough for a break to fall on to. thus, we're not even on talking terms.



i hope we'd all grow up from it really.


msybe i'm saying all these to just get whatever's one my chest out. since u wouldn't want to take time to respond to my thousand and one letters to ask u to put a clean end and not leave it hanging, i'd just blog it here for friends to read- to be heard. i dont think u'd ever come here anyway. not that u've anything against me, but i believe u're not those that would bother to read ppl's blogs unless for other apparent reaons.. i may be taking a chance here, but i highly doubt it.


i'm not sure if u've moved on, but i believe so. am glad for u.
i'm not sure myself.



so on this day, i wish u a very happy birthday of ur life. happy that u're present to be once part of my strongholds of strenght and encouragement and a big listening ear whenever i faced trying situations. may u continue to find joy in whatever u do and succeed in them. i'm positively confident of ur girl to be there for u. she's really a ultra nice girl and i do hope that u'll treasure her ok. like seriously. i mean well. haha, yes, dont be shock that i can be this maganimous because ultimately, i just want the best for u.
tsk tsk. oh man. i think i'm damn nice.


steady boh. HAHHAH.
ANYWAYS.


back to earth,



anti-government thais are making the airports close one by one. this year's mission is heavily affected. after much deliberation, voting, advising, seeking, searching, some ppl pulled out. now, i heard that only, those above 21yrs are allowed. thus, the youth team has suffered severely. all the months of hardwork, training and preparation weren't really put to use. the 15 day trip that was supposedly over 2 halves is cut to the 2nd half, i think, in hope that the king's bday will make a difference.
i'm just worried for the villages that they're gg to miss out in the first half. every year, things like that happen. riots fall on the time of departure and stuff like that.

this's yr's situation really bad. spiritual warfare?

i think so.
but nonetheless, i believe in God's plans. He knows and He's planned it all out. it'll be a sweet ending in the end. if not, it's just not the end yet.

may the team grow strong together and keep praying. though certain adjustmets may have been made, they may not be the final one.
God will work, and the Spirit will move if we just follow closely.
i believe it'll all turn out fine.

pray for strength for the leaders now.

mistakes.

today, i learnt to make mistakes.


my mistake is always being afraid to make mistakes.
thus, i dont dare do things and make mistakes.
then, i being so unconfident.
then, i dont talk.
then, i become blur.
then, i give myself excuses
and then, i can't use my speed.


just do it.


today, i managed to go trng earlier coz i had to go Tampines to deliver goods. then to avoid surcharges, coz i could claim cab fare, i left office earlier.
so, i reached b4 6pm!! at around 545pm?


i was abit disappointed to see that by 6pm, most of the seniors and some freshies were down, but not everyone. the seniors that were late booted up at the field. then at 6.25pm, ppl were still at the grand stand. talking their own sweet time. ok. some of which had class. BUT, some of them were at the grand stand even b4 i arrived.

so i really think there's no reason to not be at the field by 6pm.
discipline has no excuses. if u're late, means u're late. unless valid reasons luh.
i'm sorry, but i have to compare it with the past.
when class ends slightly b4 6pm, we'd rush down to the field, being all excited to play. sometimes, we're every early. maybe even 4pm plus. by 6pm, we'd already be playing touch. at the sidelines, whoever's not playing would be practising the drills that coach taught the previous trng.
but i rmbr the snrs being very very erm... urgent. about things. they'll be like... "girls! u all dont want to play ar!"- not jokingly.

haiz.





this morng, read the reas abt Thailand. now, worried for this yr's mission trip.






ONE MORE DAY.
I AM SO HAPPY TO GET OUT. (((((((:

night. mares.

last night. the wind was howling. the rain was pouring.
several car alarms went off.
it was close to passing it off as a typhoon.

all alone at home in the dark room,
i hid myself under the warm blanket looking at hard shadows of violently rustling leaves, casted by the frequent lightnings.

and soon, succumed to my slumber and dead calves.



but.




i had a dream. but this time, you are the antagonist.
there were moments with this warm fictional person (wasted). even though i just felt so loved, and as one, there was still that fear present.
it all felt so real. although i was happy, and that person was ultra-mega trustworthy, i was still guarding that fear, clingling on hard to it.

maybe i'm really all out to not trust anybody so much any more.
and maybe, that's a good thing after all.

rehearsals

i've never danced till my calf muscles are screaming in stiffness.
haha. dance and be a new form of fitness pls.


seriously. rehearsals today left my legs aching. ballet is finally completed, but not cleaned up yet. both the tap items are done. quite very excitied. heard that tickets are like almost sold out. left the chachat seats at the far end. hahas. whooots. nervous.



i think glen's mad.
he's uploaded tons of photos of thailand onto fb. ok guys, to view my photography porfolio, pls go to glen liang yu xuan's pg and click the albums. HAHA
glen! u psyching up for the trip ar. ahhahas.










i'm procrastinating too much.

dizzzy.

we took a team photo. wasted that some players couldn't make it and coach had smth urgent to attend to.



in a way, it was gd because i could try to do more things today, w/o letting my low self esteem pull me down.
honestly, i think i'm getting it gd. (: i know what i'm doing, and i know how i, and even other ppl can improve. i guess the change of position, in a way, is gd because i learn more. especailly to step out of my comfort zone.
somehow, i just feel that no matter how much i want it, how muct effort i put in, how much sacrifices i've made, it'll never be enough.

we had a little talk today. one or two persons wanting it alone is not enough. saying u want it is one thing. actually pushing urself to do it more is another. i dont wish for lucky chances on those trying days that are coming soon.. but i really hope that as much as i'm giving it my best, everyone will benefit and grow stronger, together. after all, to think big, its for the team, for the sch. i think everyone is too nice to herself, including me.


maybe in the first place, the snrs took the wrong move. should have started out hard.
nvm. i'm just happy to be part of this.
Haha came today. real glad to see her. she gave us yakult. ((:




i think next batch onwards, must start being firm. i rmbr like when i was like freshie.. 1st wk was like getting the feel of the ball.. run around here and there and played team games with the seniors. and then, wk 2 team debriefing was like "if you're not in here to win, get out". everyone was eager to say smth. as freshies, we're always being scolded for being quiet and not voicing out.

hahas. as in, seriously. i rmbred that that was said during our first offical trng (at the dark astro turf). HAHA. and then, we didn't have the luxury of taking our time to improve. we learned the rules and how to play the game b4 trng started, during the game we played after the drills. and not like how recently, freshies get a few months to get into the game and stuff like that. i rmbr how some of us would come early to just pratice the drills so that we won't get drop balls and angry-frustrated faces at us. that was also when i started to realised i need to seriously start priortising. but yea, we're being pushed hard.


in a way, i would call it good pressure. no, its not that pleasent along the way, but i'm sure that we're glad that we went through all that.


on and off the field, everyone was doing everything to get things right. urgency really wasn't an issue because everyone wanted alot of out trng. discipline was like dont even need to think about it. all the time, it just felt that everyone wanted to get it right and apply and move on. we complained tt trng wasn't enough. and then when there's like any selection for any game. seriously, it was like. dead silence. when ppl dont make it, ppl cry. everyone wanted it bad. no excuses.


for me, bowling was a bad move coz it took away time to build my foundation. now that i've missed that one opportunity, i've missed all the opportunities.

anyways. lets talk abt now.
i gues its a friendlier environment, filed with tender loving care around. may be a good or bad thing. but for sure, that might have made us to compromise with discipline.


bad news, capt's foot's not gd. fell into some port hole a few days back. gd news, still can tahan till season's over. bad news, surgeory's gonna be postponed- till after season. which means, this is risky. keeping fingers crossed and pray hard for her.




recently, been having dizzy spells. i dun need to get up from a lying position to feel dizzy. when i was sitting down, i waver abit and my vision started to swirl, as if to navigate its bearings before it settled down. random headaches occur. not killer AMS (acute mountain sickness) kind of pounding headache, but just, head aching.



haha. i just added 3 friends in fb again.
ahhas. bhb. but fun.

quotes

The pain of discipline is far less than the pain of regret.
- Sarah Bombell -




Don't let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.
- John Wooden -




You have to expect things of yourself before you can do them.
- Michael Jordan -




Experience tells you what to do; confidence allows you to do it.
- Stan Smith -





Nobody who ever gave his best regretted it.
- George Halas -





Adversity cause some men to break; others to break records.
- William A. Ward -






Ability is what you’re capable of doing.
Motivation determines what you do.
Attitude determines how well you do it.
- Lou Holtz -

a.

oh boy. mum just left with some church friends to cameron highlights.

she called me to inform me. i guess she told me b4, but didn't specifically tell me when so it was a shock to me.


did alot of things today. my FINAL WEEK OF SIP.. i am so darn happy.
i went vivo, jurong pt and united sq today to deliver things. again, 10kg-10kg over distances ok. i think i'll build strong muscles after this sip.


i think i saw smth which i shouldn't see yet. but i and sure, that my appraisal would avg a 2.
5 - excellent.
4 - meets most of the time.
3 - generally meets
2 - occasionally meet
1 - fail to meet.


i'm actually happy because the ppl around me are clearinng their leaves this wk, then office will be less noiser and irritating. (((:



haha. i'm still like accepting two friends daily from facebk.








THE VIDEO IS FINALLY DONE.
now, i've still got the CBC one.




i need to ride soon.



sleeeeeeepppppyyyy!

keys.

today's my first time as a pianist for the kids-for-Christ. hahas. made alot of mistakes. obvious ones. but i think once again, i've learnt much. music prodigy peter said that i've improved alot considering that it's all self learnt. hahahas.
gotta prac more in my own time.


for some reason, had to do alot of things in church today.
its like.. taking photos for cbc, dancing and so on.



last night, i wanted to complete the video, but i did until 4am and KO-ed. woke up at 7am to acc mum to church to prepare breakfast for sale. mum also slept at 4am while preparing the food at home.



i was dead tired.
had to help carry all the food stuff down to hail a cab. and that was enough to make me buang. then had the video session today. was tired. do decided to go home after that.





i owe alot of ppl dinner and outings. tsk tsk.




the mission team is leaving for thailand soon. i feel so.... so.. out of place. its like. i feel that i'm super GUAI, having to choose to not skip sch and all for this yr. last yr, i went ahead with my 4 disapproved Leave of Absence, and got back 6 warning letters. mum was like... wah. u good sia. 2 wks, get 6 warning letters. hahahs. but really, that few minutes during the Agnus Dei at Sensuk meant everything.


daniel and paul showed this yr's team how to do Creator King. i didn't know until i dropped by the room, waiting for uncle han meng. when i went in, they were at the last few parts. as i watched them do the skit, all the memoraries of thailand flowed like a gushing river.


like, how the youth team would pray like mad just for the villagers in the church at those cold nights to just turn to Christ and allow God to enter in.
it was, powerfull.
when the sinner nails Jesus' hand into the wood during the skit, i always get that goose bumpy feeling. dont have to mention about Agnus Dei.


i'm alittle worried for this yr's youth team because there's only 3 guys. 1 full trip and 2 other half trippers. usually, it'll be like 4-5 guys. i know God will provide, but i hope that they'll learn to take breaks. hahas. last yr, that was one of our valueable lesson- to learn to take breaks.


anyways. after svc zheng shared with me about his thoughts abt the 7 ministries thing. (i blogged abt it on nov 3rd) and yea, it was a gd sharing because i'm real glad that this decision was sought after for long time and it was God who gave the clear green light.
i appreciate him for taking time out to explain / clear out some of my doubts. well, i still do have my doubts in certain areas, but, if it all goes parallel with God's plans, it wont be wrong. i guess dealing with the years of a teenager is really a delicate process and really, have to be dependant on God.


ok.
u know like right now, even with my organised orgainser, i cant rmbr what's gg on for this week. it think i'm really bogged down my rectials. and the fact that performace is in 2 wks and the dance is not complete. plus. sch's starting. my wkends are filled. all wkends. i have endless task to complete. i want to take part in this photo competition also can't find the time to. maybe, i'm taking things too slowly so i can't catch up with myself. or, i'm just taking on too mnay things (which would make more sense).



every wk, ppl come up to seek help.. like today, i reject photoshoots again. and another videos. hahas. i'm honoured and i feel like SPIDERMAN. with great power, comes with great responsibility. but the reason for my rejects is becasue the timings clash with SIP. and i think, its also time that i learn to say no whenever i can't gurantee a promise. but so far, so good. still can, coz i tend to think i'm superman at times, even though my low self esteem still really exist.



i need to slp.
saturated brain juice is not good.



and the amazing thing is, even though my mind is bogged down with thousandandone things, i still can blood* think of u.
haha. there one post some time ago (i think i was the night b4 bowling pol-ite. 17th oct?) , i blogged the struggles that i thought that i've gotten over. HAH. so my prediction was actually right. because we've literally missed each other on sundays, loosing physical sight of u helps to heal the wound.
and then, when i see u again, today. tian ar. the stapled wound like split open. and then, the cycle continues again. cuii.

i hate to be all whiney again. but i have to say this. BUAY TAHAN. why can't i just forget u forever. u're either damn lucky or damn suay that u're a friend that i can't get go of.


my command of the english language is bad.
cant seem to constructed a 'perfect' sentence.


EH. i miss sammmmmm, qing qing and ping ping and manda and all others. AHH.
its really both a gd and bad thing to have crossed paths with so many people. what more, build a relationship and starting missing each other.








as u can see. this post is random.and many things. i duno. my mind's messier than this.



SLEEEEEEEEEP.

editing

been using windows maker alot recently.

today, i successfully help ms shanti to cut music for the recital. its it 2 wks time and the dance is not quite complete. abit scary. but felt very achieved to hear that my cut music, using WINDOWS MOVIE MAKER, sounds near flawless. the beats was all in time and all.

whooots.



still workgin on tny camp vid. tough vid i'd say. because every 4-5 edits, i'd better click ctrl+s. if not, it'll hang. confirm.




this morng, supposed to go down help out with that. but i chose to sleep in. woke up at a glorious time of 10am to start on the video. i knonked out last night, leaving the lights and com all on. hahas.


can't wait for recital. but nervous and afraid of ppl looking at me. this yr, for most of the dances, i'm like infront. haha. coz i'm not that tall u see. worried for quick change. and this yr, dun have technical rehearsal!!!! only one time small time technicall then straight into full dress. like OMG. hahas. abit worrying.




recently, everday, i've been accepting 2 new friends (that i know) on facebook, daily. its like, i nv liked facebook coz i'm an old antique that likes friendster. haha. then i was looking at my profile pg today.. omg. 700 over friends already! the like time i looked at it was like 300 over. and i havent really go and search for friends kind. whhhass. ok. i think friendster suffering now which fb is climbing high.


after rehearsals today, had family gathering. was gd. gd to see shaun. (: hahahs. didn't quite take photos though. hahas.



ok. random.
i MUST finish the vid by TONIGHT.