my grounds.

today's been a hectic day. runnning to and fro and managed to squeeze in bowling in the middle of such a full day.

well, i do have my reasons for bloggin now.

mainly, i just want to thank my friends to just let me grumble, and just let it all out, esp to gab, meisy and liji. u don't know how happy i am to see you guys.
at NYAA, andass, yuxin, uncle john, jianmin and all... just felt- happier.

i guess her blog explains and express it all as her command of language is much better than mine. just want to caution abt reading such indirect blogs. like when u say abt stuff to rant, ppl assume that it's them. and then, the whole whoo-ha starts. no, i'm not concluding that assumptions may be wrong. i just want to caution. thak you for posting such deep stuff. i appreciate it.


probably now, as much as i do not want to be negative abt such, there are certain things that i do wish for u to know and to clarify. as u've successfully blocked me, i'm just gonna aimlessly question the friendship that we once held. in my place, i have no right to judge how u react to certain things. but all that i can say is that i am utterly disappointed. period.

after reading ur blog, u've put me on a platform of delima. i just dont like the whole idea of comparision based on luck, income, family imcome and equippment.this is wad it seems. no doubt, these can be elements that can be crucial to a growing and budding photographer. yes, i do agree. but i disagree when the judgement sets in. it just ruins the whole thing.

so to redeem myself from some sort of mistake tt's indirectly defined by ur parameters that i dun even know (or perhaps my sensitive self), should i just tell the world that the breadwinner of the family will never ever be present again, and thus, i sinfully bought a 30d to squander and waste my family's reminders just for personal satisfaction and public providence? not only gone along with the materialtic needs and wants but also the pillar and source of hope and ecnouragement? u'll never know how it feels. even though with 3 long yrs, the pain still lingers and embedded right in the middle of the atrium and ventricle; unremoveable.

i can tell u that ppl admire u for ur technical skills. i can tell u that there are ppl amazed at ur photography skills. but at the end of the day, instead of being receptive, u grow into sinking from ur self esteem rather than being encouraged. and then, on one hand, by simply deducing from ur words be it verbal or written (yes, call it judgement if u wish), the whole idea of the photographer rather than the camera or the man behind the lens seems to be lost. nvm abt that.

i just cannot seem to agree that the way to success can be a simpler one. it can be because the word 'simpler' is subjective. i cannot say more.


ok. and then again, now i'm using this outlet to communciate to u while trying to retain my confidence. u dun know how much this has affected allowed me to push myself into telling me not to stop progressing.
ok.
our perceptions are somewhat very different and seems to clash so much. i have put them aside in the past, filling up those empty bottles. but now, it has come to a point where i find myself not able to search for anymore empty bottles, allowing the acidic liquid to flow out, thus, resulting to this way of blogging.


i'm sure God is unhappy up there. with me. i rmbr Pastor once said that it is ok to feel that u are gd. but, it can be sinful to consider urself better to be others. i rmbr that so clearly coz he kept repeating the fact, and also, i admit that i've bore such thoughts b4 but defintely not abt photoghy. (how to?). we're all God's creation and despite being wonderfull made by our Maker, we complain, and still complain and yet, complain. again and again.

i took a cab back with Yuxin and realise that she started learning more abt photography the SLR around the same time as me. although our talks were just merely saying that IMF photogs are so pro and all, we knew sincerely that we both wanted to learn more. learn more not to flaunt, not to gloat, but to be able to deliver. the unspoken agreement circled along our conversations and the journey home seemed to be just too fast.


i guess if i were u, reading all this now, it is the same as me reading ur blog, having edging words spilling across our minds. clarifications seems to be unwanted and there are just too abundant grounds for judgement to hurt, hurt and hurt. oh well, i guess i'll have to say sorry. not because of what ever incident in which u think i'm in the wrong, but sorry to be unable to show love and understanding. sorry to be unable to humble myself to seek u and find hope that u're alright. coz really, it seems so unreachable and an useless to attempt such a 'feat' now.


today, whole day (besides bowling trng) was abt photography. i'm truly amazed by certain photogs. like abt the law and grounds that Singapore photogs stand here, it's all not being respected. we dun require respect to us(er.. maybe not to some), but to our productions. photogs dun just take photos. do consider where we come from and think abt runnning arnd with numerous metal stuff that can be used to train for IPPT successfully. not only that- but think of how they came into possession. so just based on these 2 factors though there intfinte factors, why dun respect is granted? how abt respecting the copyright law?

i guess a weak everyday example would be shooting for schs. we shoot, then our photos are taken by the sch and being labelled as from the sch's name or at the most, the photog club's name. end.
the word 'permission' seemed to be extinct. and as time flies, there will be a revolution- predicted by liji. haha. its true, proven by statistics. think abt it. i dun see why i should continue yakking here away w/o taking actions.

in the years to come, i HOPE to improve myself tremondously, as a photographer and as a person, be it through photography or wadeva and then, when the time is ripe, i'll see if i'm able to contribute some voices for the ppl in Sinapore who are passionate abt photography.
regarding to that talk abt copyright Law during the LOST Photography talk at SMU, i hope that they do not change the copyright law that determines the owner of the photo to be the SUBJECT vs the PHOTOGRAPHER. nvm abt that. its not between my span of control.

whatever it is now, i just hope that i'm able to be more positive and give my best than idling my time away, complaining.
well, thank u all who have brought the joys and pains to me. it will bear fruit one day.