face it LAR.

oh man.

yes, the match has will indeed, cause alot of controvesy, rather than singapore wining thailand.

i've always thought that on the field, only the ref has the say wad. like in touch rubgy, i've always been told like.. "hey, whos the ref now." no matter what are the circumstances, the ref has the final say, even if its obviously one sided.

i'm not saying anything here, but i'm glad that the ref stood firm on his decision. image u have a country pressing on ur head, the pressure is there. but, well done.

well. today, i've shot some shots for SAA. i guess i'll put it better ones up here. haha. no time or interest to do any form of editing.


the above is my photo of the day. coz of the heat, this shoot was done fast.




















rare few times that i'm hoem b4 sun set. the corridor looks goldy and nice.haha. can't help but to take it. haha.

nikon's colour is really really being pushed la. i'm still eyeing on a 350d canon. but then, after realising that the screen is uberly small, smaller that i imagined, i guess i have to look into it again. ahha. when we went to shoot at the track area, under sunlight, the 350d (both gabriel's and ayu's camera) couldn't show the pic at all... we're like using our hands to minise the light shining on the LCD. ahha.

oh yea. the cam i'm holding on to now is choontee's. i think i've used it more thatn her already. and u know wad. there was one photo, showing symptoms of shutter jam. HOHO.


anwyas. and because of the shoot, i was late for POM tutorial for 1hr. ahah. i called to inform her b4 hand. ahha. i told her like 2.15 or 2.30 i'll be there. i ended up in class at 3pm. haha. she sort of like, praised me and talked abt dunno wad Controling system (one of the topics) haha. so much for being fashionably late.

hmm. abt photography.. also videography.. i guess to shoot gd shots, u have to know the thing u're shoting better than itself. its like the marketing thing. knowing ur customer better than themselves. i mean i know this long ago. but at times, it gets really critical.
anyways. just to share abit. i'm still abit uncomfortable to shoot guys. i duno how my guy photogs does it to girls... but they really look professional towards models.
i rmbr that time with kenneth, gab, aloy, andass and liji... with the model felicia.
man. they look really professional. even though felicia's a girl (yea, duh), i still feel like wierd asking her to pose for me. wad abt guys. i'm probably easier with sportsppl though.
haha. thus, i am not a fashion kind of photog. haha. when it comes to this, i think i give in too easily, unable to step out of my lens. i wont say its a guarentee plus chop thing. we'll see. haha.


well. psycho test on sat. i think i'll start studying on fri. been too caught up with marketing and econs.i'm struggling to meet the deadline for econs.

today psycho's lecture was abt coping stress. haha. yea, the irony - being stressed abt studying the toping Coping With Stress. hha. but, i've learnt quite a fair bit and understood the explaination behind certain nonsensical actions. so i guesss with this knowledge, i'm goona look ahead, and monitor myself man. haha.


yea. aaha. i was wearing long socks to watch the match at home la. haha. seriously, i'm still cold. ahha.

i just realise that everywk i'm dancing for like 4.5hrs.

ok. anyway.

i think stats tutor is super gd. seriosuly, i appreciate him alot.. if only other tutors and learn from him man. haha.
hmm. a few of my friends have dropped out from Project 365... as for me, jan is coming to an end, and i'm feeling the ugh-ness of it.

i mean like, sometimes, i take photos for the sake of taking.
like once, its was like 11.40pm then i rmbr abt the proj, so i shot a pic of my nice ribena bottle. i've been successful so far.. 12 times more. haha. i hope it doesn't become a chore seriously.


anyways. econs proj is coming, and we're at full steam now. coz really. its v v last min. sometimes i just feel like closing my eyes and just slp as and when i like. to cut the long whining short, i miss my friends. ppl like sara, gera, steph, zen, nat, imf ppl, sa ppl and all.
i'm not sure if its me or wad but in poly, i find it hard to find someone whom i can confide in. seriouisly. not that i depserately need one... but there are times where i feel that i need someone for no particular reason.haha
that's irritating me out.

i just pray that i can be stronger each day, LAR.

i want to get a Bible. i know it sounds like i'm gg spend money on things that i have... but i saw this Bible for ages 18 and abv.. under the teens category.. its like.. got alot of stuff included in the bible itself. and the front allows u to change daily verrses cards. so cool can. and guess wad. it cost a gd $62.57. yes. i cannot afford to spend that kind of money anymore.. otherwise, i'd be getting a slr when i'm like 20 yrs old or smth.


issit me or wad. but i'm feelin cold these few days. i'm wearing my sweater with the fan off, but i'm still feeling cold.

letargic

i think it takes a proud one to realise that one is proud.
that's the realisation of the day for me.

i'm still strugglin on the field.
gossips seem to be inevitable. yea. is this team game really a team game?


hmmm. ever since feb2006, i have been feeling tired. ppl around me can justify that. no mattter how much i sleep, how consistent or whatsoever. i seriously need to see doc for that. not sure ifs its coz of my habits or wad, but i've been sleepin during lectures or rather, fighting to keep awake.

mum's back from malacca. i guess she did had a gd time. projects are due this thurs and fri and sat is psycho test which is 40% (i think).

hmmm. last night. had this another wierd dream.
to cut the long story short..
there were 12 of us.
then.. its like. to 'go heaven' u gotta flush urself down the toilet bowl. literally. so basically all my 10 friends have successfully done that. (i can't rmbr who they were though. well, a mixture of both close friends and friends) left another friend and i. i can't rmbr who he was. but it was a guy. either daniel/jorim/jeremiah?? haha. was very vague. then we tried flushing ourselves down in our different cubcicals. looks like the cubicles in changi airport. (yes, it sounds stupid. and i felt it was quite serious during the dream hahaha.). then we weren't successful, and then came to a conclusion that maybe, we weren't ready yet.
then as we walked out (surroundings like the area outside press center durin IMF), we walked out of wherever we were.. and it lookslike clarkquay plus abit of the old wtc (now, habourfront) and plus abit of sentosa. then i tried to talk. i became dumb. only my friend could hear me. the rest couldn't. i wasn't v v frustrated, just alittle irritated coz i wasn't being understood. my friend also had smth wrong.. but can't rmbr what though.
then next scene, we're on this boat/speedboat/yatch.. then i rmbr looking back at the pier, seeing ALVIN. TPSU PRESIDENT waving the white tp flag and him, wearing his black polo tee. haha. yes.
and the dream ended with me still trying to speak to dunno-who, and my friend, figuring out what iwas trying to say.


image all these dream were significant. scary sia.
ok. maybe dreams make me not have a gd sleep resulting in fatigue.


Beauty From Pain
- Superchick -

The lights go out all around me
One last candle to keep out the night
And then the darkness surrounds me
I know I'm alive
But I feel like I've died

And all that's left is to accept that it's over
My dreams ran like sand through the fists that I made
I try to keep warm but I just grow colder
I feel like I'm slipping away

After all this has passed
I still will remain
After I've cried my last
There'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today
Someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

My whole world is the pain inside me
The best I can do is just get through the day
When life before is only a memory
I wonder why God let me walk through this place

And though I can't understand why this happened
I know that I will when I look back someday
And see how You've brought beauty from ashes
And made me as gold purified through these flames

Here and I am at the end of me (at the end of me)
Trying to hold to what I can't see
I forgot how to hope
This night's been so long
I cling to your promise there will be a dawn



haha. i've tried composing a song like that, but i wasn't emo for long to complete it. so its like hangning there. my laptop is not with me still. they promised 3 working days. its like 5 ALREADY. yes. and somemore when projects are due.

mission ppt is still stuck at day 5. hurhur. so many things to do.
no point complainting. coz everyone is feeling the same. so y keep yapping?
any idea y my archive is not working??

ok. i just pray that things gets better on the field though.

revival

i think we're in the beginning of revival.

white.

i was so tired.. so after settling some stuff at cybercenter and SAA, i went home to sleep.

i had a dream.

a v intense and real one. i mean in terms of content wise, i'm kinda shocked by the depth, intesity and sensitivity of it.
i woke up, when the girl jump off, leaving me gasping for air, literally.

ok. it all started.. quite mixed up.
i was the bird-eye view kind. and like someparts, i'm that girl, and someparts, i'm watching from afar. ok.
briefly..

all dreams pls.

it started with gaberial's shots of his earphones. ( which is actually true click here for actual visionary)
it got featured on the The Newpaper towards the end.
next scene,
at this white shop. with different departments. and this girl in a white gown.. those flowergirl kind... came in with her grp for friends dressed at their sunday best. the shop was really white, and have glass panels here and there. there were 2 empty rooms if i'm not wrong, a few office workers inclusive of one causian guy, wearing red checkered shirt and black squared frame spects. (he looks like our psycho lecturer- jeff neufeud). yea. ok. enough of description.

then the girl was in the shop with her friends, the she saw another girl who dressed like her. (ok the confusion starts here). she wanted to take a photo with her. the other girl(lets just name her emily) walked toweards the white girl, without saying anything. then while emily was reaching the wite girl, emily's coworkers looked at the happenings. then they got quite wierd. they were reluctant and didnt want emily to take a photo with the white girl. then the white girl got upset and sad.
she said smth like "why can't she take a photo with me? she's a girl right. i can't possibly be together with her right!" her voice was desperate. then she got a reply smth like "u'll never know. u are like blah blah blah" (i can't rmbr the words.. but it was smth to do with her personality, not her looks or anything)
then everyone got back to work, leaving the white girl quite desperate. (i felt her desperation so deeply) she approached the caucasian guy who was just then, using the chopper to cut paper and questioned him. he said smth.. i can't rmbr wad.. and sent the white girl trying to get out of the shop.
howver, somehow, she wasn't able to get out. her friends were outside, watching her cry for desperate help. she banged on the glass panels.. running to and fro.. i can't rmbr if she was being chased or wad. but she kept running.
it went on for quite awhile, (myheart was pounding). i felt as though iwas the girl. the ppl in the shop didn't allow her to get out, instead, mock at her and stuff like that.
in devastation, she ran into one of the empty rooms, which had sliding glass panels that were framed up with white metal. one of the woker quickly (but not in concern) followed her to room. they exhanged words.(i was watching from above) and the girl started to oopen the windows. the guy just stood there and watch.
watching her get ready to jump. by then, i felt that i was the girl who wanted to take the plunge. any my heart was racing, i felt myself waking up, but then dying back into my sleep again.
i looked down. and then, i looked back at the guy who was watchin me. i saw 2 steps off the ledge, but they were quite far and narrow. accross, was a larage concerete surface and i tried to figure out how to get there. i felt that i was in a hurry. i took the first step with my hands clinged tighlty to the window ledge, wanting to escape/end it all, but at the same time, trying to find a way to survive.
i was gasping for air.. and then.

yea. i woke up. and it was 8pm already


everywhere was dark coz my mum went malacca with my aunt and family for a short holiday. she wanted to go there coz my dad was from there. she wanted to go with the whole family, but we alwasy seem to not hac a chance. my mum is kinda sad that our family didn't get to go malacca together when dad was aroud though.

anywyas. back to the dream.
its really the most downtoearth kinda dream. so much emos and political stuff. it was like. i duno la. to me, alarming. i mean like i could the white girl so close, as if i was the one.
ok. i sound psyhotic.

anyways.

its the first sat i'm dreading. tmr, i have accounting test. and i'm really not gd in it. infact. i dun understand a single thing.
having telling u guys abt the dream and stuff, i'm alittle blech and er.. scared coz i'm alone at home now. hahaha.

ok. i should start studying.

i tried

things havent been gg nicely.

however, after ytd.. thigns sort of starting to clear up.

briefly, ytd was Bowling AGM.. sheena is girls' capt and i'm the vice.. boys.. darryl capt and alvin vice.. QM is gerard and calvin is shadowing him. quite a no. of things to think of as the new AY is starting.
just pray that the com dun get dragged away by SIP...

talked to a good bro over the phone last night. i guess it made me reshuffle and think, yet again. i've told myself many atime to be positive. however, i do not. coz when situation comes.. i do not know how to be positive.
so i took a step to think of the specific ways of being positive and find back that sparkle that i've lost.

no doubt, i've been havin no self confidence. on the field today, coach say it was 'change' (or issit improvement).. for the starting..coached asked wad are our individual goals.

i had none.

then i start to think.. i wanted to know where are my gaps. coz i know that quite a no. of ppl are irritated with me killing the gaps literally. so i told myself to really go try la. n try the move marli taught us a few trngs back. at first.. it was alittle sucky.
couldn't execute it properly.. then later.. aishya came to my team and briefly used a word/phrase to sum up each strengths individually and left.. she said "stepping" to me. i was alittle shock. coz i thought she would say smth abt the 3menpunch or smth. i rmrb vie telling me abt creating a distance b4 u step.. and i've haven tried it out.. coz of me at the wing most of the time.

i think it really boosted me or smth lar. coz for the past few trngs, i have been lonely and it has become a distraction. a very very big barrier for me to step out of my comfort zone. i was so afraid to step out of my 'wing' area.. even though i'm not supposed to play wing that often... letting men pass through. i'm even afraid to want to excel. and that is bad. i was really, really at zero self esteem. dun want to say why.

anyways. i broke through 2 times in the 2nd game.. but i wasn't fast enough... so i got touched. on the 3rd game.. i successfully broke through and attempted to dive coz the defenders were really close.. but was short and missed by a few inches. coachh said gd one. i felt so achieved. coz i think by far, it was the closest i've ever got to the try line with the ball in that situation.
then later.. i tried again. then i saw the defender coming towards me.. then i tried to step then aini thought she touched me.. so the ppl around her didn't give chase.. but she didn't touch me la. then i scored. ahaha.

i really felt v v happy. coz it my first ever broken through and had that kind of try la... and was also made player of the day wif shimo. i mean ya la.. alot of pppl score many times.. but for me and my not-so-there standard.. to me, its already an achievement...


well. on the way back home, i reflected on the wk. yet another wk has passed. and i haven't done any stuff worth God smiling sweetly. i'm allowing God to work with me now. i just pray that i do not get too complacent and dependant.
i just want to be a better player.

oh yea. today, went to visit IMH today.. for psychology cds field trip. ok la. quite boring. but i've learnt valuable lessons on the way though.
will post photos up regarding tp open house.. if internet allows. gd to see thong that day though. internet has been giving me quite a no. of probs.

HAHA. GARY QUEK. sat is coming. u're goona be out rights. haha.

difficult

3 doors
A heart that's wrenched,
a thirst that's not quenched,
I close my eyes,
I hear the cries.

idling on this lonely path,
hearing everyone's little bluffs.
running alongside with people with thick masks,
whom then, can i trust?

time flies, almost covering a year,
and for me now, nothing is clear.
only communicaiting with a group of friends,
attempting to hide all emo trends.

going back to my own little home,
only finding myself harshly being blown.
like a dagger slicing through my heart,
making tons of inch-thick cuts.

opening these 3 doors of my life,
telling u guys stuff that's ain't nice.
once u've figured out these areas,
doing smth, rather than pushing up more barriers.

distraced mind
distracted mind
i have a distracted mind.

distorted and confused,
i still try to find my fuse.
its been an empty 6 months,
its been a tormenting 5 years.

back then in december.
back then in my slumber.
neither do i want u back,
nor do i want u sad.

let go marian.
things just keep coming.


-


ok. my bite ain't by mosquito bites... but by dunowad fleas on the field.
silence me now pls.
thank u thong.

DR.

in my context,
Disturbing Replica.

i'll explain that later.


OPEN House. so far, 8am-9pm ( + trng) , 10pm-6pm = 31hrs in sch.
trust me, w/o the bowling team, i'm goona peng.
i'm very disappointed that the the tent under me only has bowling tending to it. rugby and basketball moved to the play area there... volleyball, soccer netball ppl are no where to be seen. gd to see sports teams at their respective tents,.. but really, i'm thankful for the bowling team, and Gerrad, who figured out the time slots.
i guess i expressed my discoragements through my actions or rather, priorties. i was shooting most of the time for 2 days. BUT, i still go and make sure that the tent is well taken care of, also Sports' Club. i've asked if they need help or anything, they say that they're OK.
But then, it shows.
it truly shows.
and it just saddens me that again, misunderstandings occur. NVM ABT THAT.

during one of the intervals, i sat at sportsclub booth and gave it a thought.
i guess the flame for taking Sports Club up to a greater Edge has taken on a regression. but, what holds me on i guess its the sense of accountabilty, responsibility, and some of the committee members. i guess u know who u are. however, at the end of the day, no matter how responsible or accountable one may be, the effort put it, though it may seem to be of the best effort, will not be enough to fulfill the expected level of performance. and not only that, misunderstandings, frustrations sets in.

to me, i feel that some comm members, apart from the u-know-what, are simply making use of Sports Club's good name. if i mention it here, it'll be tragically obvious. but what i'm trying to say is that, pls.... argh.

well. i guess i'm of no right to say anything, coz i myself is not performing as of my best. i apologise, but i do hope uguys know that i'm trying freakin' hard.


i guess i do know why i want to do so much things in life, and at the end of the day, though full of experience, lack of experience. the firtst 'experience' is general and the 2nd on is 'indepth'. simple put it, though u may be gd at stuff, but will never be excellent in it, and thus, barriers to achiving goals are set much higher.

and this is just CCA.
what abt the academics man.

well. today, i've got 11 $1 and 50cents coin-sized-mosquito-bites. they're really solid and itchy. and all from the arean between ankle and knees. horrible.
with that, i took 654 shots today. haven filtered out yet though.


good news. Catherine (SAA Staff) had an unoffical wedding this morning. it was really sweet and nice though. ok. random. but it was nice to see them happy.

ok.


Disturbing Replica.
basically, all the captains are getting serious injuries. sas rugby capts has been seriously injuried and so is tp bowling capts. both nic and alvin had to go hospital due to teared/broken/whateverucallit ACL. the knee ligament. and yes, the list goes on. cycled to cgh to visit alvin, together with calvin and augustine.

ward 26. such a famiilar ward. as i was taking the lift,gg down to my bike to get smth which i've left, i it stopped at an ICU unit. the ambience, the place. all too vivid and clear. though its been an half empited 3yrs, the scenes were so clear in my head, right to my heart. sorry for the emo craps but, i've never felt so there-again. i saw ppl, families all outside the ICU unit. though it just a short glance, peering out of the lift door, the wrenched hearts was strong enough to be felt.
i felt that i was there, again.
i gave a little truffle to end off my wild thoughts.
and on the way up everthings seemed to have happened just yesterday.
i never like gg CGH. neither do i like any staff there. sorry for being unreasonable at this juncture, i guess i still need, time.

Disturbing Replica.
and today, i've come to know 3 cases of breakups. yes. some long lasting, some short. but whatever it is... looks like i've got nothing to say already.


TMR.
last day of open house, debrief, and i suppose, a thrashing sesson.
i, so-called, look forward to tmr.
maybe i'm really am coz of the ppl.

nor forsake u

i wanna thank God for Liying.
i mean like.. times like such.
man.

then there comes msges. not direct but indirect.
i also want to thank God for Jeremy, leonard and especially Jorim.

i dun want to end this POM grp proj. coz i feel happy working with this grp.
though it may not be as whoa-ly and pro-ly efficient as the grps back in KC, still, i'm able to confide and feel at ease.

well.
i hope those words that i saw on msn are significant to me. coz its been months since i've wished u well.

my laptop has failed me again. the USB drivers has been erm, faulty. now i'm like trying to have this recovery file thingy. to like reformat as well as save my documents.


well. the preparations for TP Open House has started. and with rain. kinda abit tired and distracted to give proper input to the preparations. yea. and the stage has become known as Hardy's stage. hahaha. yes. blocking the Milo van. haha.

looks like i can only start my accounts and stats next wk. i'm really really blech that i'm being academically challenged. seriously, things are easy.but with my lacking in attention to my personal preparations and 'revisions', everything seems complicated and difficult.

its like. worst case. u know its not difficult, but yet u can't do them. i'd rather them to be difficult. yet. itslike stuck again. just like my olevels results. not good to go somewhere i like, not bad enough to retain. so yea. its how u see it lar.

anways. tmr will be in sch at 8AM. yes, i'm complaining. ahha. after the luxuary of gg to sch at 9am, 8am is chao early for me. hahaah. man. i still rmbr how i go sch at 6.30am (kc days)..have gd chat with all my morning kakis. haha.

well.
somehow, thank God for planting Jorim into my life once again, i guess He has a purpose for this though. haha.



Press on man.


“Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life—in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing.”
- Philippians 2:14-16 -


see. ain't my God rockin? haha. yea.. He always does.

higher

i guess when ppl get better at stuff.
there will be a translucent membrane, flitering out the weaker ones.
and when that happens,
the team no longer becomes a solid team.
coz ppl feel vulnerable.
and then the incompetancies sets in,
then the low self esteem.
then u see ppl leaving.
and then, the remaining ones struggling,
never wanting to voice out again,
never wanting to say anything coz after all,
its goona be another blank paper for judgements.

back then, only back then.
when everyone didn't know each other too much, but,
everyone felt free to be oneself.
incompetancy.
does it really matter if u give ur best?
which ultimately is still not enough,
and what more, bring the team down.



yea, let ur thoughts run wild. go ahead.


i'm not seeking for anything.
just another outlet to express myself,
and let myself be heard.

but i love the team.
coz its in times of such that we learn and grow and
seek new horizons.
quit being in the comfort zone,
and move up and out to strive for a unanimous goal.




"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving."
- Colossians 3:23-24 -

my archive isn't showing. why.

onoff

If I could reach, higher
Just for one moment touch the sky
From that one moment in my life
Im gonna be stronger
Know that Ive tried my very best
Id put my spirit to the test
If I could reach


if only i could find that moment.

i'm trying to take a step back, yet take a stride forward. there's simply too much to be done just with sch work alone.
trng was.. well.. light today. just played game. i was disappointed when i couldn't play for RSN coz there was limited space. oh wells. btw, i strongly feel that ppl shouldn't dun come for trng jsut becoz of 'projects & assignments'. come on man. who doesn't. ANYWAYS. that's not e point

today, during stats lecture, I RMBRED abt the freakin online quiz (which would account for class participation marks) that i DID NOT SUBMIT. i'm gonna highlitght... I DID BUT DID NOT HIT THE 'SUBMIT' KEY.. coz i wanted to get full marks. KILL ME CAN. seriously. frustration. during lect, jorim and i and a few other classmates were folding paper cranes.

its for a gd cause ok.

even the lecturer said that we could fold during his lesson but must pay attention and copy e relevant notes. anyways, the cranes are for this charity thing. every paper crane represetns 100g of rice for children in somewhere. yea.
quite cool. everyone's folding it. in the morng.. it was like.. 000017 or smth.. then b4 i left for trng, it was like... 005069.. no. of paper cranes. yea.

anyways.

projects are eveyrwhere and all over the place. i jsut want to do well. seriously. i'm gonna work hard. pls motivate me, and stop saying that i'm hardworking coz i'm not. i dun want to fail and take a miserable sub paper, neither do i want to aim to be just an academically avg student in tp biz sch. argh. i think i'm like below avg now.
just need back that drive i used to have in 2003, which came for my earthly father.

i guess that indirectly explains it all.

sunday

well. i hereby announce that i'm WELL. hahaha. as in physically not unwell. still a little bit of flu here and there.. but i guess i'll be very fine very soon.

the rain has been making sg colder, remind me v much of thailand. i saw the SUN on saturday! hoho. btw. 3 ppl have asked me why i look so fair/pale. ): haha. honestly, i haven't been out in the sun for very very very long. neither have i been swimming, nor go near to a swimming pool.

i've been caught up with personal procrastinations. time wasted. jet lagged.

yea. went to the new dance studio at funan. its really small and slippery. been slipping quite a bit. a little stress abt ballet. coz exam is coming (too) and becoz of last yr's absence, it's gonnna get tougher.

the wkend has passed again. w/o knowingly, literally, we're into the 3rd wk of 2007. project365 has been gd, haven't been posting photos though, but dun worry, i've been faithful.

i need to save money too. coz of the rain and tight schdules, i've spent quite abit on transportattion fees like cab too... and my 'fund' for camera/whatevernots are close to depletion. i guess i'd have to forego my breakfast and lunch starting from tmr.

after dance today,went home. the bus journey was so nice. there was no one, and the was just cool. came home and rest and did part of the missiontrip debrief ppt.. b4 i watched The Day After Tomorrow. its been my fav movie, apart from spiderman. haha. yea.

okok. anyways. i guess i've got rest today. i think i need to go see a doc. coz i've been slping for an average no. of hours, but i still feel so letargic and restless in the afternoon and tired throughout. wad's more scary is that i'm not working very hard or wad. so yea.

ahaha. gary and john is in army now. haha. with all the rain and all. really pray that they won't fall sick or wad.
chris, my evil twin has to go army (i think)..and he needs help in taking SCC's rugby photos. i'm super excitied la. but i'm afraid that i do not have the time to commit. yea. i'm if i have, i'd really want to. coz i like sports photography. and what more, its rugby. n he's gonna lend me his equippement and, get paid. HOHOS. coz its his job for SCC. also, i dun think i'm there yet to produce photos for company's satisfaction. HAHA. well, PRAY..


aha. i feel very naggy today and as if i'm doing like a report. there's the financial bit, the social bit and the physical bit. haha. hmm. amongst all these, i'm still ablt to go and think of u and think of ways to care for u. hhaha. right. i just hope u're doing fine.
these few days, i've been trying to seek God and what is His plans for me. seriously, w/o His direction and my faith, i dun think i'll be wherever i am now.

just want to share smth with u guys from today's sermon.
for Christians, i'm sure u know abt the 1st miracle Jesus did, which was to turn water into wine. it is a very significant miracle.
the water did not turn into wine when it was in the jars of water, but instead, in the process of serving did it turn to wine.
so here, it significantly shows us the importance of serving, only then we can see the so called miracles. yea.

oh yes.gd to hear that thong went for TP's hockey trng ytd. HAH.hope he'll do well and continue from there. haha. (: God bless thong.

sigh

well. i lost track of time this morning, and wasn't able to go for econs tutorial.
i failed econs. my first test that i failed. its really.. argh.
3 tchrs have said "i expected u to do better leh!" (in a nice tone) to me, word for word and i'm not exaggerating.

collected my complementary mp4 today. that explains the photos. the cloud cover was really low. suntec was scary. i walked in the rain and drenched today, and hopped onto a freezing cold 196 bus which was a 45min journey.

my hands were so cold. i couldn't do any but to sit up straight and try to blast my music. finally, reached the interchange, and struggled to walk and get my muscles activated again.

then was sc mtng. then home.

really tired. couldn't absorb accounting lecture, coz was still jetlagged and trying to get over my econs marks. whole body aching and i dun feel gd.

went for the career thing today
if i make a bond with the army through JPSDS. and then will have alot alot of sponsorships and tution grants, plus monthly allowance. but it would mean 4 yrs with army after i graduate.
however, i'm still for SCDF rather than the army. i dun see myself gg abroad to save the victims of floods and dah dah dah. i'd rather save ppl in need on local grounds.

whats stopping me is probably the job prospective. i cannot see myself in this line for more than 7 yrs. i'm not very sure of myself too. well. we'll see how the Lord leads.

flood

yea. everywhere.

ahd bowlign league today.
and just nice,rugby trng cancelled today.

i can't bowl for nuts now la.
107 134 122 131
since POLITE. no trng. i need coaching now. coz my timing is really off and my whole routine is just gone. i can't even hit a decent 150. sheesh.

the weather was quite demoralising. abt 40% of the league bowlers didn't turn up.. so there wasn't the league atmosphere. my team really felt drained to bowl lar. after the tormenting time we bowled with uncles who really took looooong to finish up the games, it was 10.30pm by then. when asri and i walked out of the alley, got greeeted by the very ultraly demoralising rain.

it was just so, so.. emo. period.

i took a cab home. the rain was too heavy, and my back was painful. seeing asri croseed the overhead bridge, with his 2 ball bowling bag, in the rain w/o shelther.. is like. oh man. its just so so... emo.

well. fri is coming. tmr. and then like, after this wk. i'm goona be stressed up and stuff. clear clear clear. i've gotta clear my stuff b4 i get choke.

i really want to play in the rain.

flood

yea. everywhere.

ahd bowlign league today.
and just nice,rugby trng cancelled today.

i can't bowl for nuts now la.
107 134 122 131
since POLITE. no trng. i need coaching now. coz my timing is really off and my whole routine is just gone. i can't even hit a decent 150. sheesh.

the weather was quite demoralising. abt 40% of the league bowlers didn't turn up.. so there wasn't the league atmosphere. my team really felt drained to bowl lar. after the tormenting time we bowled with uncles who really took looooong to finish up the games, it was 10.30pm by then. when asri and i walked out of the alley, got greeeted by the very ultraly demoralising rain.

it was just so, so.. emo. period.

i took a cab home. the rain was too heavy, and my back was painful. seeing asri croseed the overhead bridge, with his 2 ball bowling bag, in the rain w/o shelther.. is like. oh man. its just so so... emo.

well. fri is coming. tmr. and then like, after this wk. i'm goona be stressed up and stuff. clear clear clear. i've gotta clear my stuff b4 i get choke.

i really want to play in the rain.

10th day

since i'm sick. i'm much better now. i've stopped consuming medicine coz it doesn't work. my white blood cells are not letting me down.
there's still alot of really highly cohesive sticky stuff in my nose. and my ears scarily popped a few times today.

i just want to thank God for sustaining me with all that i have on my hands now.

hmm. its been killer. loook at the stuff i have to do today

- accounting
- 3 meeting mins
- psycho video editing
- POM Project
- Marketing project
- Statistics
- and of course, project 365.

haha.

i'm like at home now! early for once. its the earliest for the year. haha. my new year resolutions have been... well, pretty gd for me. in the sense that it has helped me 'better myself'.



Business School Computer Labs



Seeking Heights



for this week, i'm glad that i can take quite a no. of breathers despite the workload. haha. so yea. keep praying, i believe God's purpose is always to prosper us yea.

3 days till Gary goes army. HAH.

everyone's growing up. glad to see ulrica in vj.. and many others in sa and tj. haha. its really scary. like sara, steph, gera, nat and i are gg to be 18. OH MAN. like. we're like 13 then. so scary. hahaa. (sorry to all those who are older than me). ahha. next yr, they'll be graduating. then i'll be in yr 3. then i'll have to be working. then, once got enough $$, go uni.. then then then.... SO SCARY. i wanna be T-A-L-L-E-R. i'm not nothappy with my height. i just want to hit 1.60m

the requirements.
- Singapore citizen and Permanent Resident
- At least 18 years old
- Minimum secondary education
- At least 1.60 m in height
- At least 50 kg in weight
- Medically fit
- Normal colour vision
- Short-sightedness below 500 degree
- With relevant experience

THANKS HUH.


i mean like... if got building collapse (choy choy).. need small ppl to do in right. haiya. ahhaa. keep praying i gues.

Reach

Reach - Gloria Stefan

Some dreams live on in time forever
Those dreams, you want with all your heart
And Ill do whatever it takes
Follow through with the promise I made
Put it all on the line
What I hoped for at last would be mine

If I could reach, higher
Just for one moment touch the sky
From that one moment in my life
Im gonna be stronger
Know that Ive tried my very best
Id put my spirit to the test
If I could reach

Some days are meant to be remembered
Those days we rise above the stars
So Ill go the distance this time
Seeing more the higher I climb
That the more I believe
All the more that this dream will be mine

If I could reach, higher
Just for one moment touch the sky
From that one moment in my life
Im gonna be stronger
Know that Ive tried my very best
Id put my spirit to the test
If I could reach

If I could reach, higher
Just for one moment touch the sky
Im goona be stronger
From that one moment in my life
Im gonna be so much stronger yes I am
Know that Ive tried my very best
Id put my spirit to the test
If I could reach higher
If I could, if I could
If I could reach
Reach, Id reach, Id reach
Id reach Id reach so much higher
Be stronger

1st week of 2007

ok. amazingly, i didnt wake up with any painful limbs. this means that i didn't exert myself! ahha. but i felt really really tired.
today spent the time on the computer. trying to figure out avid free software. uncle james as asked me to do ppt slide of mission trip. so yea. gotta think of smth special. aha. gland.. do u have photos that i can borrow? hhaha. yea.

back abt sports symposium, i guess there are a few check pts to look at. i'm sincerely thankful for unc sam and his staff for being apppreciateive and thankful and like really nice, sam ong for all the hard effort, andrew for the organisation, and unc lawrence for gd plans. well. on sc's side. i still have to compare us with my previous grp of 16 yr olds wearing ties to sch (yea that grp of ours). haha. ya la, its my exco la. haha. honestly, we're not so efficient and unable to think as rational as the 10 of us back then. concrete evidences, meetings with sub com were actually, not that necessary.
to like give a quick sum up of pros and cons.. the exco had alot of focus and 'set' time to meet up together. like recess. 1/2hr we're able to discuss so much, study, as well as eat and we are so much committed. that's partially coz the sch timetale is relatively the same. on sc's hand, sc's timetable are much more complex and hard ot meet up. due to much more 'outside commitments' as we grow up, finding time to meet up increasingly gets more difficult. that explains the level of commitment we give to the responsibility that we hold.

for my part, i have to admit that i'm not giving my 100% to the club, yet. the 1st half was too caught up with the league,POLITE, church activties and trngs. then there comes the mix feelings and fall backs and wilson and andrew helped me with that. then with the different levels of expectations and stuff, misunderstandings occurs and the story goes on. well. i'm still learning now. i'm working v hard on not procrastinating and to utilise time.

i just hope that in the future, ppl can be more committed la. for me, i've given thoughts to if i should continue this journey with sportclub. but after all, i'm not sure i have the physical and mental strength to. i've to admit that i can be reliant to a committee to a certain extent. if the commitee is efficient, i will be. if its not, i'll try to be efficient. the word here is try.

but none the less, i thank God for giving me this opportunity to work with different ppl. thats the beauty of it all. like we're too last min already. and it ggives me challenge la. smths neg and pos. i can choose to give up. on the other hand, i try not to. try. oh well. lets all press on for the next 4 months. coz i'm sure that as the exams are drawing near, the acad project dues gets nearer, the events gets more and with the lack of passion, drive, motivation, encouragement and committment to meet ourgoals, more ppl will be MIA-ing. so yea. we'll see.


ok. PROJECT 365. haha. i manage to get relevenat shots to rep the day up. ahha.



05.01.07 Sports Symposium



06.01.07 Beyond Your Physical Horizon



07.01.07 Buffet Dinner with Mum

ok. haha. and we ate more la. this was just first round. today smth hit me again la. like when i came back, everyone was sitting in the hall watching tv.. i felt like.. gd that i acc my mum today. like its been long since i've gone out with her to shop, eat and comment on silly stuff around us.
its like, when i look at the 3 of us, where's dad man. it just feels so so incomplete. its soon goona be 4 yrs that my family has been living w/o a man in da house. amazing though.

today, i see my struggles as a commendation to me la. i feel negative abt trallalalala and trallalala.. aiya, its just me la. ahah. so gg out with my mum, was another solution. i know i shouldn't be like choosing abt such stuff. but today, i've learnt. or rather, tasted wad its like to feel that family is impt. i duno wad make me said this. but mama's love, can feel one la. though like we often bicker, nag, yap and still be happy with each other at the end of the day, i know i enjoy it. so the next step is to.... (i'm not telling u)

ANWAYS. yea. i'm jsut waiting for my wet hair to be dry then i can slp. after i pack my bag, i'm slping.
lastly, can ppl stop being so last min? is this the culture of the ppl of this century or wad. super irritating can.


"Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.”
- Ephesians 5:1-2 -


i seriously think that God is using like a computer up there to type the daily verses to me la. its like. everyday. so applicable. so relevent.
yea. pls pray for me. coz i'm still sick. 7th day already. no medication seems to be of anyhelp. i give myself 1 more wk for my white blood cells. if not, ya la, i go c doc. hahaa.

Sports Symposium

well. SDO said that Sports Club did a gd job and is efficient.
the talks are really long, but benefitial.



Mr. Ooon Jin Teik
Mr. C. Kunalan
Dr. Jason Chia
Mr. James Wong Tuck Yin
Mr. Khoo Swee Chlow
Mr. Edgar Tham.

well. i was i/c of SC's Registration and helping out VC at the same time. was working with serena on the 2nd day again! ahha. like IMF event. ahha.


(i like this shot. in the crowd, u only see Andrew's face. he is the sc's main coordinator for this event.. this makes the shot more special)

personally, Mr. Khoo's talk did give me alot of inspiration and as well as help me to set my goal 'right' back again. It was like.. a clearer, mapped out route of wad's gg to happen in God's ways. really glad.



mr. tham's talk was also gd too this time with all the ppt and all. oh yea. there's a new Sports Hub coming soon. with the world's first floating field and so highly sophiscated equippements. i'm excitied for singapore, but will miss the kallang stadium alot.




as the talks over 2 days were like abt 10hrs in total, ppl get restless. sportsmen gets more restless coz we're the 'more active' bunch of ppl who can't listen but apply. i guess those who left or didn't turn up miss out alot. SAA has done quite alot and we're geeting all these stuff complementary just becase we're TP sports students aka Team Temasek.

as for sc helpers, OK- la. some were really there for seal pts, and some were really taking intiative and try to give their best. saw students helping out for I-Guides too. man, if u look at them, they are really helpful la, packing goods for the open house from abt 11am till 9pm. man. sitting there to pack for such long hours is no joke. but really, really touched by seeing such a sight. if only like i could reach out to all of them to hear of the gospel.



amazingly, throughout these 2 days, i came home alive. with the flu, night fevers, and liquid from my nose even dripping onto the slr and papers that i was holding on for the whole 2days, i still managed to go funan, then went Tampines and then went supper and night cycling with gary.

yes. ahha. due to so much change of plans, i wasn't able to go and celebrate steph lim's 21st bday. so gary and i decided to go supper and then nite cycling. haha. blk 85 bak chor mee. oh man. its realllly gddd. PLS GO TRY if u haven't. coz its like, really gd. i ate 2 bowls of e soup bak chor mee and didn't feel like very full or wad... somemore i'm like not well. so pls go try, really.





haha. gary taught me alot abt cycling on the road rather then the irritating pavements. was quite fun but i felt so rusty can. ahha. after makan, we cycled back to my house then to east cost park.. then to the jetty.. then to NSRCC then back home. we set off at 1am. then came back at 3.30am. fun sia. ahha. my hdb downstairs had this slope and i felt too hopeless to cycle up so i pushed the bike.. ahaha.



hmmm. haha. i really should go train seriously again. after that long break. aha. i'm sure my stamina has been on a negative grad. ahha. in addition, coach aishya told me to train my thighs so that my knees won't hurt that much and can be quicker on the field.

so. anyways. back to project 365.. hmm. tmr? coz its 5am now and i have like church at 10am tmr. ahah. shoud be smth regarding sports symposium i hope. ahah.


practice as if in competition and compete as if in practice.

still sick.

Empty Tracks

“He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.”
- Micah 6:8 -


its so amazing how this daily verses thing works.


i guess i shouldn't have voiced out then. judgements. gossips. erks.
i feel so transparent.
nvm. i thank God for blessing me with seniors around.

but i love them still. lovin' evry bit of it.

yea. the rain wasn't very contributive today. trng was delayed due to the freq lightnings that sent me in attempts to snap them away. i popped 2 pandadols today, and it didnt' work but instead, made me sleep while waiting for lesson to start. now having fever. hmm. i dun think this is just common flu. 4days can. make my white blood cells feel so demoralised.

well. trng. gd to run again. b4 warm up, both knees had this sharp pain when i wanted to chase ruby. and had to stop. and my back ached. ahhaa. like some old woman. but it felt go to run again. its beeeenn loooong.
yea. and had friendly with marli's team (either sg team/world all schs team) to play with us. they had fitness b4 that. and i saw them run like... wind.

CDS proj, as expected, was last min. i so so expected it, but i know i am doing my best and am happy wiht e amt of effort that i'm putting in. i think we should start on our econs sooooon. markketing is gg on, tough, still. but i'm sure it's goona be fruitful.

well. i've been searching for news articles, and found out that it is not easy at all for microecon proj. grrr.


btw. tmr and sat is sports symposium. off for 2days..

thoughts.

yet again.

i dun think i'm on Auto-focus.


new yr resolutions.
hasn't really sink in hur.
SPLAT.

i miss 4sixers.
sara.gera.sam.steph.nat.
i can count on them.
i can press on, with them.
- that's smth abt 4/6 no words can describe.

still sick

Still sick

“For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age,”
- Titus 2:11-12 -



laptop been giving me a ball of a time. still stuck with psycho video editing. so blech of softwares not being able to read the file. grr.

1st day of sch today. just felt so, like... blink-eye-n-we're-back. and i'm talking abt feeling as if NOTHING has passed this dec. *smacks head.
plop here and i have 3 assignments to be done tmr. FUN SIA.

Project 365 is not so easy after all huh. and its e 3rd on out of 365 more. hahaa. no, dun get me wrong. i'm enjoying it la. ahha. its just that.. erm. worried that it becomes a chore, and i dun like that to happen to on stuff that i'm passionate abt. aha.

so yea. less talk more work.
looks like the monsoon season is not gone yet, haha. tmr is trng!! yay. finally smth to keep me more awake. hope the weather is not too harsh.

thoughts.

i've been thinking.

i guess one of my drawbacks is that i'm unreasonably busy for people.
i'm not paying attention to the specific needs of individuals.
its just getting too generalised, too exhausting, too overwhelming.

well, another resolution to think abt it.

i guess that's also why it led to a severe end of a friendship and dah dah dah which i once trully treasured. i hope u are reading this coz its my only form of communication to you now. you should know who u are, friend.

as reading through one of my friend's blog to her exbf. exactly how i felt and how i want u to know how i feel. not much of self pity, but more of awareness that ppl around you care for you. haha. okay. wadeava.

haha. yay. sch's tmr. be excitied. and be happy.

Day 2

Bubbling Into The New Year

“Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”
- Psalm 90:12 -


well. was Brownie Day today. woke up late and coughed out blood 1st thing in the morn. ahaha. Day 2 of 2007 for me.
and then. got lost.
so it wasnn't a really gd start.

But nonetheless, Happy Birthday Shan! haha. ate at kenny rogers and went for cake at this shop which gave us 6 cups of orange juice and a big piece of cake coz it was closing. according to them, its called 'complementary' haha. so yea.


well, am i prepared for sch? yes. am i prepared for the upcoming days? no.


projects projects projects.
yea. look positive man. hahaa.
big day for many tmr. hope ulrica have fun in vj and the rest in sa. haha. (:

yea 2007.

the start of PROJECT 365.
everyday, i'll be posting up one photo. either to sum my day or its just my best shot of the day. this is my first shot of the year. not that too awesome, but just ok to be looked at.






last night. caught fireworks and missed watchnight service. missed the last train and stayed in CBD with the photographers. wanted to shoot sunrise at Fullerton.. but the clouds were so disappointing.
oh well.




courtesy of gary. fell asleep on the top of the stairs while seeing disappointing litted blur sky.


fireworks was gd. learnt alot again. thanks to kenneth who helped me with Choont's D70. i improved compared to the last fireworks at IMF. caught a video as well, using my shoe as a tripod. it was raining slightly for abt 20mins. gd enough to send photographers panicking for plastic bags, on top of sheares bridge.

well. 2006 has yet, passed. looking ahead to 2007.

1)Looking forward
2)Looking Backward
3)Looking Upward

From rev george tay. really a powerful speaker through God. last last night.
i FINISHED ALL MY 7 QUIZZES! haha. till 6am. and woke up at 8am to face the last day of the year. and last night. had my stay at bras braseh mac.


through the night, i met ppl from kc, tp and as well as Eunice Oleson! its like the 3rd time i've seen and spoke to her. the imf, the 10k women's run and now, outside cheers. she's really nice and had a short chat with her. touched that she could rmbr me always. she's really friendly. she missed the fireworks coz of an event at vivo. haha. she looks pretty sial. haha


again, courtesy of gary. haha.
should haven taken w shot with her at imf. coz she's so georgous in that gown la.

so after like wks not not being able to slp properly, reached home at 8am this morning, bathe, and ploped into my welcoming bed. till 4pm just now. not v nice to start the year with a flu and fever too. abit restless and still have quite a no. of stuff to be supposedly cleared by 2006, yesterday.


i guess 2006, i must say, has been the toughest year ever. each year, nonetheless, it gets tougher. but really many lessons learnt.

to sum in up briefly in pt form:

- days in sajc
- new friends made and result came.
- hard fall.
- lots of decision making with resulted to qurrelling with ppl.
- lots of ups and downs with u
- big and serious qurrel with mum.
- welcome to temasek poly, where my live had to be adjusted alittle.
- where i started touch rugby and took up responisbilties.
- erm yea, the day someone left me. haha.
- IMF. hoho. a whole new thing abt photog. and a big intro to the really business world
- more new friends and commitments.
- more matches against clubs. (touch)
- my first collegiate league and POLITE game. tragic.
- lots of church events.
- misson trip
- dance rectial

tough la. all in all.

here's my new yr resolutions in general.



i guess this coming new year, to sum it up. i wanna improve my self if possible, in all areas... physically, spiritually and psychologically. coz i dun want to let 2006 go to waste. ahha. yea la, can get abit technical, but i hope to be a salt and light to ppl and bring more ppl to His kingdom. haha. (:

better go rest now. haha.

Happy New Year!