bye 2014, hello 2015

just got back from Phuket. what an awesome trip.
that will be the next post!

for now, lets do a mandatory year end post to have a proper closure.


well, an overview,
the top 3 epic thing of 2014 on my list are:

1) i left my previous job and now i'm (finally) a trainee tech in the same company as my late dad.
2) i conquered Rinjani, along that with a whole new life of Climbing.
3) finally got my super4

2014 been rather kind.
abit of suffering on the relationships part of my life, but i guess we all fall and learn from that.
along the way, i've also learnt to let go of some of the things in life that i've been trying to compare and compete. i think the perfectionistic side of me hasn't totally died, it has just become more manageable and positive.
first time they've having national selections for womens 7s. in the past, i think i'd be trng hard and going for it, but this time round, i just wanna take it chill and miss it. probably there's other priorities in life now. also realizing that i've choosing to spend more time with ppl over doing my own things / gg to trainings. ahhas. guess i'm (finally) starting to grow out of it... partially also coz work used to affect trngs too.

think i travelled quite abit this yr too.
first time gg Indonesia, Shanghai, and Phuket...
went Batu caves to climb too.

k. gonna look through instagram to rmbr some of the highlights. let's go in chrono order. hahas.


yea. gg to my first Singapore Airshow; gg there officially with business agendas.
i rmbr struggling alot more in the company. whole day complain only. i mean, its not about the company but about what i was doing and the day-to-day shit that can never be flushed down the toliet bowl.

did my first 25km city race on foot. not run totally though. but like navigate and walk super long.
i think i went to almost 10 weddings this yr. really happy for my friends but also really broke.
played in the newly built National Stadium for the first time.
towards the middle of the year, got pretty lazy with sports. hahas. i rmbr that whole episode; probably also because i didn't make it for the selections to go philippines to play in the national development team  then felt super discouraged since i worked so hard for it.

not a good yr for aviation too. all the plane crashes relating to Malaysia. most recent one is the airasia one.. from surabaya to sg.
then was rinjani and all the other year end sporting events.
got my level 2 climbing this yr too.
didn't go mission trip this yr.
had dance recital this yr.


that's about it.

next year. hmm.
lets see that's on the list.
1) clear all my B1 papers.
2) save up $$ for #1, as well as for traveling during the sem breaks.
3) eat cleaner. get fitter (this is usually runs on a  sinusoidal pattern. hahas. hope to maintain). wanna be able to do unassisted pull ups and have nice washboard abs so i can start wearing nicer clothing and be more confident about myself. HAHHA. #bimbobitch
5) also gym more, so can be a more effective technician. ahhas
6) be a better climber. save up to get quick draws and rope.
7) should start saving for class 3 driving license.
8) some stuff on the bucket list:
- nepal: wanna go Poon's hill
- vietnam: do a train trip and climb fanxipan
- china: wanna go climb Hua shan
- dubai: abit random, but i reallly want to see their Hangar facilities there
- seattle: in my life, i must at least visit Boeing factory once
- nz/aussie: wanna do likka road trip. explore. get lost. climb.
9) continue to spend more time with mother poon, family and friends.
10) cheers to no more emo nights.

hahas. i dont think the amount of leave entitles me to do all of this.
but more importantly, i wanna ensure that God is still the centre of it all. He's not really on the list coz He should be the crux of it all.
really to God be the glory great things He hath done. really thankful for the year, for all the ups and the downs. pray that i'll be more discipline on reading the Word and be more prayerful; be slow to anger/ slow to react emotionally and be more objective and rationale.

(:

decemberrr

i'm leaving on a jet plane in about 4hr time...

just packed finished, but needa download all the #happs events for December here.

whokays.

first things first.. last friday, it was the last day of Phase 1 OJT!

abit of a mixed feelings altogether. 

the funny thing is ... u know how i've been complaining about my random posting at cabin... F.I.N.A.L.L.Y on the last day.. we got posted to A&C. hahas. abit too late right. but nvm, make every opportunity count right.

coz it was uplifting the engine, they needed manpower so we're (finally) being (legibly) requested for.. i did it before in Line during my very first OJT with my previous school... but that was for the A320. this one was massive. it was the Engine 4 of the A380. 

as our side wasn't equipped with the electrical machine to make life easier, we did it manually. hahas. so it was like gym session totally. basically, we're supposed to pull down the chains (of the 4 corners) to lift the top part of the cradle that carries the hugeass engine. so it was like maybe 8sets x 10reps before we swopped with another guy. hahas. wasn't easy but glad i managed it pretty well. one of our guys over exerted and almost fainted. was quite scary coz his face was really pale with perspiration and was intermittently closing his eyes. the snr techs were very concerned... ahhas. i guess yea, they really cared for human life, but primarily, i think they want to maintain the no. of workplace incidents. hahahas. but glad he's ok after some rest.

the next physically challenging part was torquing the bolt of the fwd/rear mount that links up with the thrust links. and coz it's like on top of the huge machine, u had to tip toe-abit on the edges of the wide gap of the platform that's part of the cradle that's being hoisted up; whilst trying to push the torque wrench tight that's probably about 5kg + the loads. to make things even more unfriendly, the wrench wasn't a ratcheting one.... imagine that. hahahhahahs. so in total, both 'sets of exercises' was like an arms day session at the gym with lats pull down and forward rows. hahahhahahhas. okok. 

so yup that's it. 

1 month of OJT. being honest, i didn't learn much, relatively. the good thing about this whole thing is that luckily, we had really good snr techs who were really helpful as to guide us and loan us the tools. they trusted us with the job... perhaps coz its 'just' cabin work, but they allowed us to try and learn ourselves and then checking it later. i dont think many techs would have such attitudes that allows learning for continuous growth. so for that, i thank God for them. 

also in this month, i managed to witness many of the erm... challenges.. that a big company may face when it comes to corporate culture that relates to the final dollar and cents. honestly, people at the management level may have many meetings and some may even possess prior experiences with the pursuit in making the best decisions for the company. however, the gap will always exists and people will have to alter their mindset in positive attempt to even try and make a change to a cemented culture. not just at the top level, but also at the bottom level.

individual level, i see people change or rather, characters unfold. perhaps i may have always been naive or overly positively judgmental of people/friends that ultimately leads to disappointments. friends are friends. collegues are collegues. i guess no matter what, it is human nature that people are competitive, to the extent that for one's personal self gain/benefit, if it requires it to happen at the expenses of another friend/collegue's learning experience or for any positive growth, not just at individual level, but also at a group level, people will choose to be selfish eventually. and they will be in denial, be it consciously or unintentionally. people fail to acknowledge the wonders of group growth vs individual growth. u know the cliche T-E-AM = Together Everyone Achieves More, i guess it only works in the classrooms when the learning process is planned.

also, in an environment where i'm surrounded with guys, i really need to learn to be more patient and tolerant. not complaining and trying hard not to sterotype, guys are so egoistic. by saying so, i am one. but u see, when guys are sensitive, they dont acknowledge but then to put the blame on external factors (with added reasoning) whilst being ignorant of their intrinsic factors. well, at least when girls are sensitive, because we acknowledge our 'weakness', we whine, complain and 'make noise'.  and then, when guys dont say what they actually feel deep down, things dont usually go very well in the long run. sometimes i do think of cutting my hair all short again coz with that ponytail, perhaps its just out of ego courtesy, people dont let me do the heavy job. sometimes it gets really frustrating especially when its just like carry a 10kg equipment; they would  just take it away from my hand; sometimes even w/o asking. there's one incident on the engine.. when i was torquing the bolt.. wasn't stumbling or anything and even doing it relative smoothly.. but one of the snr techs said like "eh, we're running out of time, u stand aside, let ur friend do". then when my friend (who is a guy) took over, though he was stumbling abit to get the alignment, it seemed that the snr tech was more 'ok' with it. ok, for this, its clearly a gender difference thing, either that, or he just dont like me. tmd. there are several other incidents but let's not go there.

ANYWAY, just thank God for every experience for me to keep.

and i sincerely pray for a change and movement despite the bleak outcome.

Wednesday was Christmas Eve. HALF DAY.

reached home at about 1pm. shiok. i asked mother poon for dad's tool box.. hopefully i dont have to buy them. so mother poon kindly dig it out from the store room and we found dad's legendary tool box! its metal, rather big and he installed wheels below it as this toolbox was for his home use. so quite sad coz its not work-friendly for me in all. his work tool box is probably being 'koped' by his collegues. :( i secretly hope to find it if i do go Line maintenance. not hopeful at all, but worth a try. ahhaas.

anwyays, digging out the tool box was like digging out a treasure chest. found lots atas tools. like good brands sia. Snap-on and all. i posted this photo on FB and one of my friend commented that this tool was made during some war time or smth.. so i guess the value of it is pretty high. hahas.

we stumbled across some of dad's super old and classic photos. 

primitive man.

probably his happy and proud moment in the cockpit of a 747. 

should have taken a photo in the cockpit the same plane when i had the chance to so can do another father-daugther-look-alike montage. ahahahas.

probably when he was in his 20s. dont u think he's super charming. cute loh. hahahhahaahs. can see the type of boys mother poon likes. HAHAHA. but this photo old school sia. look at the pot. probably on the charcoal stove that he had to fan it with his rattan fan. hahahas

Thursday was Christmas day!

went to church in the morng. really happy that my bro-in-law went down with my sis... first time for him too!! :D coz mother poon also went down! :D i mean its Christmas day and our family always go church together especially on Christmas day. haven't done so after dad's gone. hopefully this can be a yearly affair again. 

hmmmm... ur mum was really happy to see mother poon. not surprising coz they were doing alot of things together in church previously, but what made my heart jumped abit was when u updated my mother that ur son is currently overseas in an exchange programme. and what's even more surprising is that mother poon replied "yea, i know... saw on fb!". whas. with fb, mother poon is constantly surprising me with the updates she is aware of while i know not of k!! 

and james found his ex-police buddies. ahhass. all same pattern.

after that.. the annual gathering with the ang-moh/father side of the family. usually its like dinner.. but this year's a lunch.

after that, went home and concussed while playing hayday. james took this photo. ahhas

i mean, its been raining right.... hahas. 

after that, went to 2 of my friend's place for celebrations. supposed to go to stan's house also but didn't have the time.

enjoyed myself at naz's place coz her family is super welcoming and homely. felt realllyyyyy warm. the father was like playing the piano while the mother was singing and all. and they were power sia. hahas. we had steamboat for dinner. couldn't stay for long coz had to go to nad's place. 

its becoming an annual event. ahhahas. stayed till about 2am. ahhahs. didn't drink this time coz there's technical work the next day. nice to see the girls again. lou-lin wasn't with us coz she's in london. hahas. thanks nad for all the arrangements, deco and all. understand the effort behind all these and i've always been lazy/no money/ no time to do all these. hahas.

so yep. that's roughly about this dec. didn't have alot of small gatherings as compared to previous years.. i guess coz as we're growing older.. its either we're too caught up with work to make time for other friends, or priorities are just shifting. not a bad thing.. but instead of living a life of 'how it should be', i guess we're all leading a life of 'how we want it to be'. not sure if this generalization is interchangeable in terms of the timeline.. but there about. hahas.

just last fri, also went bowling at 12am. hahas. at the new alley at civil service club! actually was superrr lazily reluctant and tired coz of the rainy day and all, but dickson manage to persuade me over countless whatsapp negotiations. ahhas. had to like lug the equiptment and all. hahahahs. 

well, manage to chalk up a 150 avg. ahhahahs. coudn't bowl well, but at least i was hitting the pins. HAHAH.  took out about 5 tapes from the thumbhole and my fingers couldn't fit my spare-ball. for the record, i used rented house shoe coz the base of my shoe totally cracked. first time renting shoe in erm... 12 yrs? ahhahs. time to get new shoeees. but was fun. this is probably the first/second time in 12 yrs bowling not competitively / not trng for anything. felt abit weird, but felt good to spend time with them. we lepak at changi V and playing those charades game using the handphone until like 3am.

and like after less than 10hrs, we met again today to climb!

last climb of the year. did 1 lead climb and my hands were really all pumped up. somehow, completed a 6b climb after that rather effortlessly. AHHAHA. last top rope climb for the year. did abit of bouldering as well. :D

after that.... went home for a feast by mother poon! 

first time doing a proper homecooked Christmas dinner. full attendance with the Liew family. 

:D i believed i was eating constantly for at least 2.5 hrs. ahhahahs. 

thank God for mother poon really. not just because of the cooking skills, but coz of her giving heart, just like dad.  

if only he's still around. 

so yeps. that's about the last week. not its 4:35am. in about 2hrs, i should be making my way to the airport. gg phuket with some of the batchboys till Thurs! kinda excited. but abit sad coz i know i'm gonna be spending more money. i mean, i wanted to climb mt bromo at indonesia - less money spent too.. but still excited coz this is the 2nd time i'm travelling just for fun and not for rugby or like any other sporting purpose. hahas.

with all the festivity, u just wanna spend time with ur loved ones and of course, it was getting challenging to keep u out of my head. dreamt of u last night. was abit surprised but it felt so real that i had to wake up to just think it through and consciously tell myself that it was a dream.

in my dream, u were nice to me, we're on talking terms, and what made it confusing is that did seemed that we're trying to figure things out / to rationalize how we could walk on together.. so all those legit calm arguments in the dream did seem to tie in with reality. i didn't want to dwell much on it coz i know where the line is, and i know where i should be. by confessing it here, i may be stepping on the line or even gg overboard. i really dont know what's worth anymore, but i guess at this rate and while controlling myself, its all calm and fine.

anyway, 1 exciting thing that i wanna share with u that happened in this week was on tuesday, while riding to work along coastal road.... I SAW CONTRAILS OF A FLYING PLANE!!

ok this photo was taken off tumblr.

of course, what i saw wasn't so epic. minus the rainbow part, and change the white fluffy 'clouds' to swirling grey/black lines..... was what i saw. i cant rmbr which plane model or what airline coz i was just too busy trying to live in the moment. ahhas. was shiok coz the plane was flying really low. but that's also the sad thing coz, it went past quite fast. and its even more sad coz it flew past in the diagonally opposite direction towards the back of where i was heading too... so i only had like 2 secs to see it. #ifonlyeyescouldtakephotos. actually looking back, coz it was so awesome, i now can't really say  if i really did see it or what coz i'm somehow still in disbelief. ahhahas.  #toocool.

okok. goona go and finish packing up now. 

see ya next year. 

should be doing a mandatory year-end post and back date it when i'm back from phuket. 

miss u!

Hang in there

climbed at central today again. arms all pumped up and was really struggling with the last route of lead climb. glad to be climbing again with my adventure kakis.

went to church after tt for Carols by Candlelight. #lastminjio. didn't expect to enjoy myself in simple company people. eve gave me christmas presents which she made according to the stuff i like. always excited to recieve hand made stuff. hahas.

 ok that's today.



that's right.
hang in there.
upcoming wk will be the last week of OJT.
i mean, this is like some serious mixed emotions here. hahas.
coz i really like the whole phase of OJT - everything's in the name of learning; while u dont necessarily carry the weight of the responsibility, u still get paid, though low.

let me whine abit more.
so last week, pretty much the same, even brought a book up to read.
its like.. we can only go to the rest area when its break time, and other than that, we gotta be at the work area/ plane.
i find this all very stupid; all in the name of politics. i mean, instead of talking redundant stuff in the place, i could spend more my time more productively at the rest room - doing up my AMM summary. hahas. progress' pretty good actually. its like 71 pages now (abt 36 over for just the content/ headings).

anyways. the last 2 days, we're transferred to the other line where our other batchmates were.
ok. mixed emotions altogether... let's start with the positives...
finally, we got things to do. its because the plane is rushing for time and manpower is needed.
thankfully the cabin snr tech / supvr is one of the rare few guys who believes in trng, teaching and 2-way learning.
so yea, that's probably the only thing to look forward to.

the rest....(let me whine abit more. actually, u cant skip this whole chunk coz reading this whole shit will not add any value to ur life. kthnxbye)
- posted to cabin. and i dont understand how / y us when we are unskilled / no tools. 
- why can't they take our other batchmates who are in the same line just that they are doing a&c. are they reallllyyyyy neeeded there / in terms of help needed?
- and we did alottttt of basic seat works. the screws were rather in awkward position that was abit physically challenging (in terms of reach / space constraint). i was ok with that. BUT. while we worked our ass off all the way, we could NOT clock in ANYTHING for our Work Experience records coz they were all part of the 'Installation/Removal of Seat' which was a (3) entry that was completed within our first 3 days of OJT. and while we're really putting in all the manual labour (with literally no work experienced gained on paper), the other batchmates who are attached at a&c are doing alot of other stuff / happily filling up all the empty columns whilst not sweating out that much. #bitchmode, but i am seriously trying to learn how to balance, to not compare, to be patience and to be content.
- ok, to add on a footnote: the b2 guys at this line is not learning effectively as the b2 guys in our line. they're doing stuff like cleaning of the cabin / change lightbulb while the guys at our side are changing cables/wires iaw the SBs and other stuff like that.
- back to me and all about me, while really enjoying the fact that i've finally got my hands on the tools and happily screwing in hard-to-reach screws, i've got this other snr tech who was seriously getting on my nerves. he's seen me in civilian clothing before, gg up to the a/c / ops room to do business. and while i was trying to maintain all the mixed emotions while screwing in the bolts, he'd be like "ha-ha. now you know how hard we technicians work right. last time u carry file, you dont know. ha-ha. see. not easy right. last time carry file u think easy. see how we techs suffer". omg i tell u. it wasn't like hush hush kind of tone but like volume 8/10 with other techs (including my ex-co techs) working in that cabin zone. might as well use the safety loud speaker which can be found in the overhead bin right / or u can put up signs and posters or why not just label me. freaking arrogant. point taken. and this was a big challange for me to maintain my facial expression while trying to be respectful by reciprocating some neutral expression. 
- all in all, i'm still trying to get over the fact:
1) in the very beginning - how we were being 'assigned' (just because a snr tech was there, we're assigned to him. with no thought. no process. just go. and suay suay, he's a cabin guy)
2) its not that there's no a&c work/help needed in our line
3) even though we're assigned to cabin, we could actually go over to a&c (if we've got nothing on) to learn. but because of the guy who's afraid of politics/boss/whateverthereasons, we just got to remain to do nothing. 
4) i shouldnt have been so honest - coz we're being made aware of his fears, so there's this verbally communicated restrictions. w/o me informing him of our whereabouts in the first place, all these may not surface
- and while all this.... uncomfortable emotions is stirring up whilst trying to suppressing them with positive thoughts, we're still .... being caught up with the politics - we get 'told' for everything we do. i.e.... i always ask for the official break time. nobody wants to tell me the official break time because nobody follows it / wants to be held liable to that statement of truth. but as trainees, we should be following it, so we're given an ambiguous advice to follow the official timing (which we not still do not know what it is), and to also follow the techs (who do not follow the official timing). and to add um... another challenge, we cannot be in the a/c when there's no one else. so, this puts us in this situation: at duno what timing, be it if we're in the aircraft or in the rest room, we'll always be in the wrong place and at the wrong time. its very frustrating. we got nicely reprimanded (because he kindly admitted that his boss reprimanded him because we're seen at the wrong place and time). 
haha. so my only solution is this : this best place to be is in the toilet. coz whatever the time is, u can't go wrong. even if its break/work time, we all need to go to the toilet. right? if caught staying in there too long, just say diahorrea /unwell or smth. childishly not productive, but legit.


bah. glad that whole chunk is out of the system.
1 more wk of patience-trng.
still learning to not compare and be contented (even though we're advised to compete to achieve more).

u know, just these 3 wks, i reallly see the gaps.
slowly, i can really see my attitude leaning towards the... norm, the "everywhere-is-the-same" culture, when i pay special attention to myself. everybody wants the easy way out, dont put in the extra mile, finds the way to um... get more money out of the whole system whilst balancing on a thin tight rope of time. its really very unhealthy-ily flawed with likka 99% rissk level and i'm starting to really feel the weight of the vps in the company. its like, they really gotta start changing the culture while being in the culture.
its like, if anyone wants to genuinely do more for the company, he has to really do it very tactfully, whilst trying to persevere in his stance / thought.
i really think the whole system is just so fckuped that i should really consider doing a thesis on the culture / sub culture sociology that relates to productivity and hence, the slippage of mass profits.
talk about my business module on Behaviour Shaping Factors (BSF) man. hahas

now as a trainee, when i'm not being diluted (yet) , i really really should consider writing every of my positive want-to-dos on paper / at least be documented, and then do a yearly-comparison. ok, at this rate, maybe monthly.
on practical side, whilst still having that sensitive flame that can be extinguished really soon, i should start devising process and systems improvements than can substantially move the culture, maybe not a leap, but just small steps that can ultimately lead up to a positive picture.


after this 1 wk, definitely, i will miss this place because of all the missed opportunities for learning things that u dont get to see in line maintenance. we've got 2 more phases of OJT. in total, there are 2 + 1 Phases. 2 phases (1 month & 3 month) will be line & base (irrespectively), and the final one will be ur final placement. it all depends on the demand and needs; also based on heing / suay. i mean suay as in, any small minor baseless requests for the respective sides may just be a ticket to seal ur fate. actually everything is not in black and white. heard that for the 1st batch of trainees, the only girl went base all the way. if given a choice, i hope to be attached to the a&c techs in base for 3 months, then go line in the final OJT. that's probably my only chance left to learn more about base maintenance. after which, i dont think the company will be kind make special arrangements for such an opportunity.

in highly frustrated moments like such, i did think of my other forgone work alternatives that allowed me to make decisions, actions and movements that can be significant rather than choosing this path. well, then again like a retracting rubber band, i find myself still thankful for where i am. at least now i'm learning the hands on, experiencing the ground, problem solving, and putting all my life experiences into good use in an attempt to be an effective technician. i truly bhbly think i can be a good technician / engineer one day.

actually to wrap this whole topic up, despite remising on the missed brighter future opportunities, i will probably stay in this co for long. for the many reasons.
i mean its easy to say for me now with still having some 'fresh blood' pumping. but to look at it practically, not many companies in singapore that will never fail to deliver ur pay check when its time to do so. in terms of stability, if u're the family guy, this is the place to be. because of the politics / The Union / the fears / the culture... even if u genuinely made an accidental mistake / or be sorely hated by every single one, u wont really loose ur job so easily. i mean, everything relative la; not saying that in economically downtimes we can be sure to have the rice bowl.

u know, as trainees, we get many many ppl telling us "why u join this co.. why are u here when this this this that that that... this one no good, that one sucks... etc" to a point that even some of my batch mates are starting to talk about leaving after the bond and so on. sometimes i wanna throw this qns to these ppl who tell me such things - "then why are u still here". i'm saying this because they are guys who are 10-30 yrs in the company. since its shit, change la. we're here, also for the many other reasons; some of us really like aviation, some of us can't find another job elsewhere, some of us dont know what's where out there and so on.
relatively, i think about 80% of the ppl that i talk to, this company is their 'first proper job' they've ever worked in. many have not seen other industry, other business arenas, other levels of competitions. i can safely say 'u got no rights to say such things'.

ppl often think they know it all when they dont. its not really a matter of assumptions, but they trust their baseless personal evaluations as the current 'what is'. even though i've worked in many companies/ done many jobs / see lots of things, i can assure u that my relatively wide horizon doesn't justify my personal evaluations made for anyone other than just myself. honestly i can say that no one in this world can fully work out the best line of fit for anything.

---

ok, on to life outside work.
nothing much actually. been hitting the gym / back into regular exercising mode / not skipping trainings and all coz (finally) my current work situation allows me to.

climbing - i completed my first 6B+ route at climb asia last wednesday! (of course with a bit of help from my belayer)

tap class is starting to get more fun coz now we're doing choreography work in class.
wanting to start ballet soon but idk what's my trng schedule like for next month/year.

on to social life...
no much christmas happenings/ gatherings as compared to previous yrs. idk if its about choices or what, but ya, rather quiet but somehow still busy.

each time i scroll facebook, i either see wedding photos / status changing to engagement / 'is married to', couples gg overseas tgt or in serious cases, baby photos.
seriously, i think my fb has go about 2k over ppl (only adding ppl that i know, with occassional acceptances of organizations that register as a personal account) and its really scary when each scroll i do, there is definitely a post of the mentioned 'categories'.  idk if its like a wake-up call / reality check for me, but this is one area in life that i can really dont make comparisons. hahas.

relationships, at this moment is really something that i dont even want to prioritize.
with all the past struggles that have evolved to marks and being etched in the heart, at this point in life where i'm trying to fully enjoy work-life balance, i dun want anything to really rob me from this. such a strong word, but yes it is. i mean yea, in a relationship, ur life can be happier x10000. but with the happiness comes with the disappointments that at this point of time, i can say that idk how to deal with it. so, i'd rather forgo all that happiness and not deal with any disappointments. i dont think its me being a perfectionist here, but i just can't handle it. yea.
when it comes it comes. i dont even want to 'fight for it'. hahas. acutally, when it comes, i run. away that. for now, yes. emo is emo la but that's all i have to deal with. soon enough, it becomes a habit.

just last week, i saw this letter - written by me and unsent. when i was about 20yrs old or smth, there's this guy that liked me. i knew he liked me because he told this aunty who bao-toh to me. haahhas. i had good feelings for him but only as a good friend. so i wrote a long chunk of letter in an attempt to make things clear- a full A4 page with all lines used, just in case he tells me his feelings. always wanting to find an opportunity to give him the letter because i'm really fearful of the day that i have to another confession in which can result in a loss of a really good friend. so yea.. until now, the letter is in the shelf of my bed top. looking back, glad i didn't send the letter. now, he's going steady with this really nice girl, 2 yrs and counting and probably leading up to marriage.


that's kind of magnitude that little decisions can make. not trying to say that i've got lotsa suitors or what, but its quite... interesting to see the news feed from guys that have liked me before... now posting about their weddings and stuff. and when i do see those pictures, i often say to myself - imagine if its me. HAHAHA. i mean, in one case, i could have been a rich tai-tai now or in another, having to look after a 1 yr old kid. ahahhahas. imagine that.
along with all those new feeds / happy photos and stuff, i did think of all those 'places to go', 'things to do' being mentioned in my past 'relationships' if its even classified as one. i dont think the materialistic side of nature has a foothold here, but its probably of the sensitive nature of the heart that demands such  um.. reconciliation of the 'whats said' and 'whats done'. however i try to rationalize such things, it always narrows down to the heart being a complicatedbitch. running away may not be the best solution, but if its sustainable, why not persevere on?

in all of this, i'm being reminded, some things should always be left unsaid. time does wonders. no one really puts a cap to the time frame; 10 yrs is still also a kind of time frame. we probably just need to trust our decision and have a very stubborn faith that hurts. sometimes, that 5 sec of courage & bravery can do a 5 yr damage. so just hold. hold back and run it off or flush it down the toliet bowl whichever works.





well
many many thoughts this week.
only outlet to vomit everything out.
i can go on
but i should stop here coz its now a freaking monday at 4:15am , and its the last work week before semester break / off to phuket!

this shall not be the last post of the year. too... no kick.

hang in there.

istruggle

sooo many thoughts and frustrations in my head that i dont know where to begin.

actually, i wanted to blog ytd, but i've secretly made a pact with myself to maintain on the emo blogging. but because ytd i didnt, i guess the everything bottled up, cumulative over the weeks, till i almost exploded today. 

for these past few months in trng, honestly, i really enjoy the time gg to work/ training and all, even if its during the stressful exams and all. coz all in all, its still better than answering emails and having pointless meetings. 

but really, i feel really lonely, as in like, there's no one i can just talk to. as the only girl in a class with a bunch of boys who can be either super sensitive and insensitive at the same time, this week, i find everything bashing me up all over. perhaps its the from the all the added frustrations from the stagnation at work, and many occurrences when i wished that u could still be here coz i realized that not only do i secretly missed watching u work even if its from afar; i've also completely lost a pillar for me to not only rant, but share all my learnings and minor excitement from the daily tasks. 

i've always been able to adapt to people / guys / whatever, but i guess with the added pressure of trying to make this 1 month of OJT to be effective, things tend to fall out of place.

 its quite funny how the guys in my class always tease me of my tom-boyish nature and have made countless reminders for me to behave like a girl. and sometimes, when i really do get irritated by their way of doing things that, in my perfectionist state of mind, may find it abit more sloppish, i tend to react like a girl.... like whine / complain / make noise and all. and clearly, they dont like that. of course no one likes whining part including myself, but clearly, when i really do act like a girl, they dont like it. sensitively insenstive creatures. 

hence, i really dont like trying to understand that side of the species. they always complain that girls are complicated / dont mean what we say / want otherwise from what's verbally said... but actually i think guys are all sensitive creatures with a big ego that forces the whole human culture to believe that guys are the ok ones while women, on the other hand is the problematic ones. its probably because they dont get it, which make the girls 'the problematic ones'. am i making sense?

anyways. i just have to deal with it coz in this industry, i can only expect to meet more of this species. 

tolerance. patience. perseverance.

ok. let give some ... examples situations scenarios..

like ytd, i kept reminding the guys to meet at 820 at canteen then go in together. and when i told them, they told me to shut up and stop reminding coz 'they hear me', 'they get it'. and today, 820, i waited with 1 guy for the rest until its time. there's no one, and since we all dont have our mobile phones with us, it because a 1st world challenge. and so when i asked some of them why weren't they there.. some say they dont know / cannot find / whatever the reason which by then, my ear was selectively not hearing anything alrdy. #bitchmode.

at work, the main only task for these 2 days was to change the escape slides of door 1, 4 & 5. as the escape slide is, as from the AMM, is 97-127kg, it seems that i am condemned. 'u stand aside'. 'u wait there' 'u guys come here'.  that's all i hear when i try to stealthily take a step forward in attempt to help or something.
and because for now, its the 3 of us trainess, i really dont get the hands on experience. my eye power probably trained to level 99 alrdy. ok.. example, to remove the girt bar (some bar underneath the slide), the door as to be in armed position. when it's in this position, it means, the slide is readily deployable it it's being triggered. of course, there are some 'stops' to this from happening; the power is plugged out, the receptable is plugged out, the safety lock pin is in. but yes, historically, slides do get deployed accidentally and not only gets very dangerous since this A380 slide shit operates at 5000psi, its financially very very painful for the company too.
so, while in the armed position, out of courtesy (and partially afraid to get judged), i stepped aside to let the 2 guys remove the girt bar. after all the other processes, when it was time to install the new escape slide by putting back in the girt bar while it being in the armed position, it was also (finally) my turn to try it. just then, the engineer said, err okok. this one dangerous. let the other techs do. ok, i fully understand the dangers and obviously dont want to risk it with my idontevenknowhowtodoit level of skill; but at that moment, i was just frustrated for being kind and nice, coz it wasn't the first time that, in good name of kindness, i let someone try something even though i desperately still want to cherish my supposedly hands on time to gain experience.

to continue whining again, i'm just still v upset that i'm at cabin work.
ok, i try to make the best out of it coz u can really learn from anything.
but since its inspection period, there's really nothing to do coz there's no clearance.
so, cj and i went to the APU side to check it out. yep, there was work to do there. the snr tech wasn't feeling well and he was all ready to allow us to do some minor tasks, but of course with his supervision.  we could almost clock in 4 Work Experience entires from that ok.
and because I HAD THE INTEGRITY, i told cj that we should go back to the cabin to inform our snr tech who was out i/c that we could/want to help out at the APU side. then because of the fear of getting into trouble / not our deployment and all those scaredoftheboss feelings, we had to stay in the cabin and stone. at that point of time, i was just v upset. i mean, i'm at the state where i dont even mind doing area cleaning since we dont even have our phones or things to read. but ok, he being nice, said that he shouldn't be asking us to do area cleaning coz its the job of the aic cleaners (though we needed to clean up abit first b4 they arrive).

and then, we're talking about the shit politics, culture and all the shit. and he said something that 'since we're under this deployment' we had to stick to it. of course, he being nice knew that this inspection period was gg to be lull, he asked for us to go to sheet metal or smth. but he went on explaining that the higher ones up there think its too troublesome thinks that this is the best deployment. when i heard that, i was like.. what.the.shit. what deployment. u know how we're deployed??? because that there when we first arrive at the office, since the cabin snr tech was standing beside the office, he was like... ok, u 2 guys follow him for today. and the 'today' became a whole month thing because everyone assumes so / lazy to change / no need for improvement. why i say improvement because it became clear that other areas / line needed manpower.

and so, because for 8 working days in total, i changed 2 side panel, a few filters and 3 escape slides while the other batch mates in other line are looking at how to fill up the remaining blank entires in their log book, i asked 'the management' of our training academy like.. how were we deployed ? did our division push us over or the respective hangar ppl pulled us over? he said the later.. to elaborate abit further, he said that wherever lacked manpower/ needed manpower, they'll send us there.
clearly, as an ex business development / productivity shit person, this is a no go reason/excuse because it all just goes to show the lack in planning, communication or simply, just the effort.

so, stop complaining the loss of money , the lack of time while are ur actions show no effort to effective make use of time / opportunity for anything or anyone.


last time at the management level, i always see the higher ones pulling our their hair due to manpower issues, and i honestly belived that there's just simply too much tasks to cope. but today, i just see that gap. that so big a gap that they probably refuse to acknowledge it and live in denial. and its not that the company dont have good senior technicians as with some other companies where the bosses are really trying their best to make good of every situation and opportunity.
i dont even one to talk about official / non official / culturally acclaimed breaks.


so today, because of all that, just b4 lunch while giving the engineer to sign the log book while he was like jokingly-with-harmless-sarcasm  said 'busy uh cabin work', i just teared. i totally lacked control of my emotions, but everytime when i'm frustrated and feeling helpless to the situation, i just cry in frustration.
towards the end of the day, while we're (finally) tasked to sort out some air craft parts to tag it since there was some audit gg on on friday. hahad. i was so desperate that though it was supposedly to be a boring job, i was like excited sia. anyway back to the point;  he casually said something like this to me "u must know that as a technician, u're no longer at the management level. its always hard work here, and u need to be humble and let go of ur management thinking because everyone starts low".
ok. i felt SUPER DUPER MISUNDERSTOOD that at that moment, i just felt like swallowing a microphone into my windpipe and explaining myself to him. he thinks that i cried in the morng because of the 'tough life and hard work' as a technician. everything in that statement is just the total opposite. firstly,  its because i wanted to escape from the management level to the extent that i gave up the opportunity to further as a manager that i am here as a trainee today even if it means a huge pay cut. secondly, though i've not worked at hangar long enough to understand the hardwork needed, i'm already embracing every opportunity given since it doesn't come easily when i'm a girl. 3rdly, ok, perhaps i'm not humble because i still have that bit of hope to believe that everyone people with time & tasks responsibilities would probably put that bit of effort to make things mooveeee if u want to see ur profit move up.

already, my heart felt like it was being squeezed out of all the warm blood. all i could manage was to internally scream to myself to shutup shutup shutup shutup shutup before i start saying any wrong things.

u see, as a snr tech over there, let alone a trainee tech, the hierarchical  gap seems to co-related with the monthly-take-home-pay of the respective personnels; meaning, to technicians, engineers are like way above, and probably on another planet.
there's really a big problem with the culture. not that i'm not aware, but i didnt' expect this reality to hit me hard even though i though i've internally digested it after externally working with them for over a year.

and while all of these little minor frustrations tangle up into a big big ball of wires that prick me from all sides, we have other batch mates complaining that work is tough / want to rest / difficult.........
i dont even have any grounds to complain.


and so to summarize, having no one to talk to, no one to hear or understand me, while sustaining the effects of higher level communication breakdown with very minimal drive whilst complain about their reciprocative intangible actions, i find myself...... so screwed. plus the fact that i'm a girl whom, with that undeniable fact, the whole industry subconsciously deem as a burden.
and i dont have you this time round.
it is just 1 month in base maintenance and all i wanted to is to learn, make good use of my time while i can coz there is a chance that we may not be coming back here for OJT anymore. if its at line, i dont really mind coz i've been there many times n know that even if i dont get posted there eventually when i pass out, i'll find all ways and means to get there. hence, i really wanted to explore more of the a&c works in base coz this is the place where u get to see many things u dont get to see in line maintenance; it's really equip me if i do eventually land up in line maint. that probably explains all the eagerness and zest.



perhaps, the bane of it all is just my intention.
as a trainee, perhaps, i've stepped in with a wrong mentality.
(not saying this because i'm angry or what now but...) after much though, perhaps i am just overly enthusiastic / eager to learn.  perhaps i just needed to walk in with no hope, no dreams, no aspirations, no drive, no expectations, no goals. in that, there's really no room for failure coz there is no base line to begin with. instead of searching for work to do and seemingly to hinder other ppl work even if its just wanting to eye power the tasks, i should just sit back and chill. that way, its easier on my heart and emotions.


actually as of now, during almost all the break times, i'm trying to compile the AMM. as in, im trying to extract all the useful descriptions of the respective systems. and ahhas, just by typing out the skeleton of the content page (and with the 1st level sub sections), it has taken me about 7 days, at about 35 pages long and still counting. havent even reach the part of the content yea. just typing out the skeleton so its easier to keep track and be organized. not sure if its too ambitious. ahhas, but i guess with such a time schedule, i think i can make good progress. that should probably be my main goal though it was secretly/indirectly mean to have less hands on base maintenance.

but ok, as mentioned before, the only saving grace is that i have good senior techs and tech supervisor.

lastly, just want to say that perhaps, as humans we are all inbuilt with that instinct to fight for ourselves even if we're supposedly kind in nature. when it comes to achieving something for themselves, i guess people change. that's when as friends, we perhaps need to start thinking for ourselves. it may seem an ironic statement, but i guess that's how it is to survive; an inevitable viscous cycle. abit disappointing, but i guess i have to remind myself that we're all humans, and i should stop having expectations.
i've once told myself and some my closer guys the solution to this stagnantation (while others are busily clocking in their SOEs) is to not compare, then we wont complain.
on the other hand, the random talk by the management of our side has told us to compete to achieve more. to me, everything doesn't add up. how to compete when we dont wanna compare? do our best and not care about the rest? how much is much? i always believe that everything is relative so, this does not work bro.


ok. so ytd i went to gym and gave myself a hard session that my whole body was sore today. coz probably coz of the fact that i  haven't been gymming luh. so today, i went for a swim because james wasn't free to climb. with all that physical, mental and emotional soreness, the swimming session became a good one though i didn't clock in alot of laps. after i bathe and all, it just felt that my whole body was more relaxed. it felt good and refreshing though swimming is not one of my favs.

ok. i  should stop whining.
usually before i blog, i would mentally draft out / segment my post so it would flow and be more organized. however, for this post, is just everything whack. no plan. so, i guess this is very boring and irritatingly messy. haha. also, i would usually proofread back the post to check to some grammar / sentence structure errors coz sometimes in my excitement to vomit all my angsty-ness, some sentenances may seem hard to read or dont make sense at all with a spelling errors (correct spelling but wrong word), missing full stop or abrupt  end to the sentence.
if u have made it by reading everything line by line, congrats and i really thank you from the bottom of my heart for hearing me. but i just need to apologise for wasting ur time. hah.

because only #boeingpoon can fit in here. 

ok. better sleep soon.
missing you everyday. but i will need to stop this nonsense.

Level 2 Cert / Helllo Hangar

ok. pretty very late to be posting this up now, but just wanna get it out of my system b4 the new week even though i might be regretting not sleeping now, tomorrow.


just last Sat, i got my Level 2 cert for climbing!

10am at The Cliff at Snow City - Jurong East. super far. PIE exit 31. had to skip touch trng and brave the wkend storm for it. but totally worth it. hahahs.

basically, level 2 is for single pitch lead climbing. i did lead climbing in Batu cave last month, but is anyhow one. ahhas. Janet was our instructor, while i took the course with James and Cheryl. really learnt alot and also, refresher for the basics and of course, Safetyyyyy.

we also learnt how to lead fall. still find it v scary. not that i dont trust the system, but sometimes u just need that moment of faith to take that leap. hahas. its like like breaking the torque; once u get over that first step, its fine actually.

dickson helped to shoot some short clips for memory. ahhas. here's the vid:

learning about Top-up... also means setting up rope for top-rope when there's no rope.

level 2s for the day with Janet. :D

aahahahhas. wanted to take a vid of an epic lead fall.

here's the vid..

and here's my fav friends!

after that.. its DINNERRRRRR. didn't eat the whole day.. so was really famished.

and yeshhh ahhh.. UNCLE TETSU. THE Cheesecake we discovered at KL during the climb. ahhas. ok. it still tasted reallly good when its freshly baked and hot; but somehow, sg's one lacked that bit of ooomph. nonetheless, it was still v awesome and the 5 of us finished it in less than 5 mins.

we actually ate at ION because of the cheesecake. hahahhas.

(i wanna share this with u. pls go eat it when u can! can be found at Orchad ION)

walked down orchard road abit. apparently, The road is closed every 1st sat of the month for shoppers to just walk. some frisk events at the side... but i guess the main thing was that we were walking in the middle of the road. ahhahs. to most Singaporeans, its really something la. coz since our growing yrs of walking down orchad road, this road is always filled with traffic, so much so that trying to legally cross the road was becoming a feat.

i took many other photos.. but will just load this one up for now. the lighting this yr is really nice and elaborate. looks like the country is on a good $ year huh. ahhas. the stretch at centre point has got pretty flowers and fake-but-nice-warm-looking bakery stuff. but all in all, it really looks like Singapore electrical bill is gg to bust. SO.MUCH. LIGHT. i hope at least 50% of it comes from solar panel or smth which i highly doubt. though its really pretty with all the lights, hope all the lighty deco comes down soon man. 

but yea, though its pretty packed with ppl and just too crowded, walking down Orchard road during festive season can be quite therapeutic too. though there are just too many hopes and things that i wished i could do, i guess some things are just best left unsaid. :'l

that's how we roollll. 

-

now on to workkkk

okokk... so this wk, first week of OJT. 

Helllllloooo HANGAR for this whole month.

overall... :l

ok, we i got conned uh. 

basically, the instructor gave us each a choice to choose between the deployment of '747' or 'A380' ( i guess he didn't know the details) of course, i chose 747. but i was thinking, 747 still got plane under maintenance as of now mehhhh. perhaps the cargo / 3rd party planes or smth. 

in the end, it was both the A380. no, that's not the main thing. 

the crux of the whole thing is that, both are for different Lines. that was the hit/breaking difference that probably meant the outcome of the journey for this one month.

and so, the line that i did not get posted to is the line where i'm more familiar with, in terms of the people/ culture/ life there because of my previous... erm... 'dealings' with them. ahhas. and yea, in a nutshell, its much better over there in terms of like exposure and stuff like that. so i was pretty disappointed in that sense luh; coz i mean, as humans, we compare. and when we do, we beat our ownselves all over for all the wrong choices we made in life.

and the 3rd boo boo is that.. some how.... it just got too convenient that i got assigned to.........(wait for it...) 

Cabin. 

omg. kill.me.know.  (while the other Mech techs in the other line are doing stuff like engine / Heat exchanger and structures like that). the funny thing is that after i left my previous co, my ex-collegues were all joking that "scarli u get posted to cabin ahh... i sure laugh"; while my reply was like "ya sia. sure wont one laaa. aircraft so big.. sure won't so suay one". indeed indeed. there's this proverbs that says something about not saying something first before that something really happen. ahhahas. i can't rmbr la. now what time.

1 yr of cabin work still not enough ahhhhh. the first day, i was really internally bitter about everything. i mean, it was my chance (and probably only chance) to be more exposed to the deeper part of the structures while in base as compared to when in Line. the only saving grace was that i had a good snr tech to guide me and a very thoughtful supervisor. thoughtful in the sense that, we can see that he tries his best to let us learn as much as we can for this 1 month. so yes, thank God x100000 for that. oh yea, my work area is only on the Upper deck. so all in all, its really likka on the 'minimalist list'.

to add on the misery abit, we were really idling alot while others in the same line were busy with their respective areas (not even wanting to compare with other batchmates who were almost complaining of their amt of work they had to do in their line). i mean, its not that there's nothing to do. actually ok la, it is. hahahhas. coz we dont have clearance to carry out the job. the removal all done.. just left the installation part. 

basically, the plane in our line was for C check, and more for the b2 guys to change/install the Alna / OMTS system. some onboard wifi and telephony thing. so it was really a good learning ground for the e&i techs. our (a&c) job was more to remove the panels for them as well as to carry out some inspection. 

so for the week, the most tangible that i've done, other than removing 2 business class console panels, was to change all the upper deck filters of the ventilation system. hahahs. i found myself useful coz i was the only person who could fit in one of the smaller galley compartment to reach for the filter that's right inside. also, i actually did not need a stool to remove the screws form the ceiling of the lavatory vent. ok, credit to the long screw driver that my snr tech lend me. 

last fri, the both of us realllyyy had nothing to do. so CJ and i went around to find job to do. hahahs. and thank God, we found ourselves at the APU section. we were quite lucky coz there was one workshop engineer who came down to do a NDT inspection of the APU with the boroscope. freaking cool coz the boroscope was rather atas as compared to the previous models (that was for inspection of wasteline) i've seen. he was nice to spend time explaining and stuff. and he really super zai. 

we also manage to change 2 of the ignitor plugs. quite cool to see such a small component being so vital in a big chunk of twisted metal. there also, there's this really nice engineering who bothered explaining stuff to us.

oh yea, for now, my partner is CJ. ahhahs. pity him that he has to hear me whine abit. but i maintain alot alrdy sia. ahhahahs. thank God for good batchmates. was thinking about my previous OJT while i was still studying at attc. ahhas. the difference. i guess coz now, its really towards working alrdy, while during the other time, it was still just the educational part. yea. humans. we all compare. but i guess that's what drives us to make that improvement to do better just to be better right.

speaking of which, results all out. and i did well for Propeller and Gas Turbine. scored 100 for propeller while 95% got Gas Turbine. of course proud, hence i'm typing in such numerical detail. secretly wishing that u'd be proud of me though u may think its nothing, but i guess, it also to redeem myself abit for my not too good M11 M8 results. 

yea. so this wk, i'm offline, in terms of social connectivity from about 8-5pm coz we're not allowed to bring camera phones in. good in sense coz i can get away from all that. but sad coz i can't play my HayDay and (now trending) Soda crush. wahhahhas. 

No photos tooo. :( #trainee #dontplay

all  in all.. i guess things are getting better coz 习惯就好. just get used to it and be more positive by not comparing. i mean, if we want to compare, then we must deal with it right.
lastly, and yea, its times like such that i would think of.... whatever. again, some things are just best left unsaid. guess i'm making quite good progress for now. hope its not just because i'm really occupied with everything's that happening in my life now.


ok. finally got that all out of the systerm. WEEK 2 HERE I COME (in 3 hrs time).