Asian Champs

9-10 June

Asian Champs, Putrajaya.

been 2 wks since i'm back.

to sum it all... 

The wonders of what teamwork can bring you; the best out of you.

Pirates won Women's Open

Superheros won Mixed Open

Monsoon got runners-up for both categories and champs for the Men's Open

the Singapore U-20s played awesome as well.

i think the best displayed was the game between singapore's superheros and aussies' men masters.

i think though it was just over the wkend with abit of fri, everyone had a ball of gd time.

though i wasn't able to play, it was nice to see everyone enjoying themselves over touch.

i went up alone on fri night because of melvin and irene's wedding! (:

and so.

some of the us stayed on to chill out in KL, with Josh being our good host. (: hahas

we stayed at this very very very awesome place.. Reggae Mansion.

oh my, S$15 per night. cheap and too good alrdy! (:

some of the places we went...

Sky Park, lvl 33 at Traders Hotel. 

super fun with lame drinking games that can go on and on and on. hahahas.

Sunway Lagoon.

(:

and for the last day, it was left with us to take the bus back from Times Square. 

we're all from 3 teams, Monsoon, Pirates and Superheros.

hahas. actually most of us were from Pirates like about 3 yrs ago. but nonetheless, everyone really enjoyed the trip! (:

stage 1: jog, CLEARED

i wanna blog abt the KL trip but....

today work had a big commotion.
shallow water shouldn't be mixed with deep water.
dont tread in waters where u dont' know the depths.
that's all for me to say to u.

anyway. last day tmr!! HAHAS. PEACE OUT DUDES.


and oh yes. robert passed his test today! (:
hahas. but damn wasted. looks like we're not able to work tgt ):


gymmed today.


and physio-ed #likkaboss today.
thighs feels like the after trng feeling. been long. i like.
and and and...
then highlight for today (despite all the shit hoohaaas at work today):
I RAN FOR A GOOD 5 MINS ON THE TREADMILL.


what an achievement. finally, after 2months. yea baby.

HFMD

oh my. i've got HFMD.


decided to see the doc right away this morng coz those white little painful dots dont seem familiar or normal. and tadah.. HFMD! hahas. right away i told him that i suspect that i've got hfmd, after touching my hands, he immediately went to the sink to wash his hands for a good 20sec. hahahas. like immediately kind.

right.

so some of the symptoms i've got,
the fever,
the sores in the mouth, on my fingers and foot,
and super tired from doing nothing.

that's about it.

there's suppose to be like loss of appetite and lost of weight.. but it still doesn't seem to be happening to me. ): ahhas
i was hoping that the blisters in my mouth will be painful for me to refrain from putting food into my mouth, but instead, i was happily eating salted cashew nuts this afternoon. though it was painful, i think my heart for food is bigger. ahhas. shit. ahhahahs



actually its all not that bad la.
just that morng when u wake up, u can feel the full blown of ur battered body from... resting. yea.





so now, i should like keep a records of all my injuries and strave myself to save up for consultation fees.
lets see.
- mcl (physio)
- back (chiro)
- ganglion cyst in right wrist (? if the pain persist, might need to get it removed. dont ask me how)
- HFMD

ONGOING YA. not like over the spread of a yr or smth.
really. God ah, when i said 'bring it on', can You not be so literal? hahas. jk la.

but indeed. it has taught me ALOT lessons.
somehow, i feel God trying all ways and means to pull me close to Him. all these 'sickness'... whether it be from Him or from satan in which God did allow it to happen, its probably all for the good of my prayer request of drawing close to him. because really, all things aside, the only basic way for christians to know more about God and understand His heart is through the Bible.

last night when i thought through about this whole tragic month, i really did did some soul searching. 'tragic' might be too harsh of a word, but i think that's what my heart and mind agreed upon.
suddenly, i saw some light (not literal): The story of Job.


not steve job. but Job (pronounced as 'jobe') from the Bible. he had sores on his hands and feet (freaking just like me) because God allowed satan to do so.


i'm not the type of Christian who can just lift off some verse from the bible in reference to the things that's happening around and go like 'amen'. but this one ah, really.
last night, on my humble bed i thought of the sunday sch lessons or morng story tellings from my pri sch, and i thought of the story of Job. hahas. in the dark, reaching out to my Bible was a feat. so i resort to googling 'the parable of Job'. HAHHAS. then ok. i realized, its not a parable at all. it's actually a book by itself. hahahs. (ya, that's my level of knowledge of the Bible, thus further proving the need for God to take some serious action upon my request to 'draw close to Him') it was successful. coz in the end, i used my Bible app on my itouch in the dark.




and so, in the Book of Job, Chapt 2... (so this is what words in the Bible look like in case u guys are wondering)
7 So Satan went out from the presence of the Lord and struck Job with loathsome sores from the sole of his foot to the crown of his head. 8 And he took a piece of broken pottery with which to scrape himself while he sat in the ashes. 9 Then his wife said to him, “Do you still hold fast your integrity? Curse God and die.” 10 But he said to her, “You speak as one of the foolish women would speak. Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?”[a] In all this Job did not sin with his lips.



win liao lor. that was just part of it for Job. his suffering continued on man. it doesn't end there.




i think as of now, i'm taking it quite positively.
i try to evade the thoughts of how i'm missing out on game and training times while my other teammates are getting stronger and faster. from the inability to work explosive muscles, i can feel myself getting physically weaker. my left thigh has visibly shrunk. though overall, my bodyweight doesn't reflect that at all; all those tough physical fitness sessions gone down the drain.


maybe its also a warning sign to stop all these and focus on the bigger picture.
or simply, take time out to focus on things and people that i've not chosen over trng priorities.




so.
heing i didn't go church camp and infect all the little kids.
well at least with this hfmd, i'm feeling kiddish now, since its rare for adults and mostly for childern. hahahs.

responsible faith.

just came back from an awesome getaway (in Asian Champs') name last tues night.
(next nicer post on this !)

and ytd, after a 7am - 5pm shift, fell sick. still went for tap. managed to get home safely with a fever of 38.5 popped down 2 panadol + 1 antibiotics tab by mother poon's treasured medicine safe and slept.

till this morng 6.15 when the alarm ring that left my perfect dream in suspense; i had a decision to make- to go to work or not. i've decided it was a good tradeoff with work for rest. one day rest might just mean the safety of all passengers (pls applaud me for my thoughtfulness/responsibility. HAHHAHAS) and also, the ability to work impeccably for the next whole wk. so yes. not gg to work today was not out of laziness, but really with good pure intentions.
quite proud of myself for it.


so yes with a good sleep and beautiful dream, i miraculously got better. seriously. i thought it would be a 3-4 day thing coz i felt the sorethroat, bodyaches and stuff. (from my mission trip experience while scribing for doctors... and i wanna sound #likkapro)  i diagnose myself with  URTI. hahahhas.

yea. adding on to that, i've got a bump on my right wrist. damn pain when in the wrist is in motion. sucks. from google, i think its a ganglion cyst. dammit. my doc friends say it wont go away, unless surgical or duno what axhy__ procedure. lazy to google for the full name of it. but its affecting me in gym and riding my motorbike. can't throttle happily. discovered it when i was on the way back from kl last tue night. according to the wed, no one really knows what causes it, but its liquid from the joints. it usually happens to sports ppl who uses their wrist alot, esp gymnast.

u know, at this point of my life (i know in relation, i should not be complaining about being old), but i'm feeling the full force of it. i'm gg physio for my knee. chiro for my back. and now, this cyst. i'm am NOT gg to go see a doc for this. maybe once. but not like for a period to monitor it or what k.
enough of spending $$ on healthcare.
not only i'm like super broke and poor (because i haven't submit my claim forms to the insurance agent for my physio sessions), i feel like shit having to make countless appointments.


i pray for God's healing.
like seriously. i pray that the cyst will go away.
the main issues now is the playing of guitar and riding of motorbike.
i dun want it to affect my studies / job as a aerospace mechanic/ engineer.... or worst till kill all hopes of still trying to take at least 2 yrs out to be a fireman.

feeling like the servant from the Parable of the talents.
if u dont use ur talents, God will take them away.
amen to that on my guitaring.
):
and i'm pretty sad about it.
the knee. the back. now the wrist.




ANYWAYS. i've deviated from what i wanted to say today.



i wanted to blog about this dream..
and this other person in my life right now. no no. not that kind of 'in my life'.. just friends only la.



last night, i had a freaking good and peaceful dream about you. we're like best friends once again. happily chatting everywhere we go. the background was like at some shopping mall, garden, field, gym, trng area, sa pitch, almost everywhere i frequently go.
it was so darn real. coz there's no ghost chasing us / black man in suit following us or anything.
and whats the best part of it was that in the dream, i was trying to figure of if i was in a dream (since everything was so perfect). and of course, as i constantly try a backfiring action, he just stood there, held my hand and smiled. hahas.
omg. too princessy right. IKR. hahahhahahahhas.
if i could add like translucent clouds and light pink hearts around this part of the post, i freaking would. ahhahhaahahhas.
yea. so that was when the alarm for work rang.
i fell back into slumber, hoping that i could continue on with the dream like who it always would... but it didn't this time. perhaps i have hit my caps for beautiful dreams.


idk why the sudden beautiful dream of u.



and then. just last wk, i was thinking of 'you'. another you.
the one that i was mentioning in the post 'smsing'.
you vs you.
during the trip, there were times i thought of him and then you. hahas (so hard to not disclose the name or at least some coding right. ahhahs. i dooonwant.)

especially those nights when i'm alone or with alcohol with friends; especially this month with 4 weddings to attend, weekly.
opportunities for the emo ghost to flow in. and its not that i want to you know.
in kl, i wanted to msg you. very badly. maybe out of like 8 times, i practiced self-control and only msg u twice in out of the 8 times i think. some of the reasons i gave is coz it was too late and all la.

but the main reason was, i just didn't want to be selfish. i couldn't.
right now, since the other you is very much in me, i can't afford to let another 'you' to stand in that void. i might need to find time to talk to u about the both of you since you u know him ahhahas. idk if u readers are catching my groove with all the 'you's. but whatever. hahahhas.


aiya.
i just need to focus more on God and His works.
i need to tune back to him.
this cyst thing is probably one of the loud signals. the knee wasn't probably loud enough for me to hear. but ok God, i get it.
i thank you, not sarcastically, but really. i mean like when u're injured with certain injuries, u tend to view things in different light, see things from a different perspective, meet different people and take some time out to really look at the big picture and re-route ur life again.



pray for me.
i need it much now. and i dun want to do all this on my own.
at the same time, i dont want to depend on anything and anyone but focus my eyes on God.
getting back is probably difficult, forgetting you is probably the hardest, but i after all the mission trips, i have to believe in Faith.

89 91 92

had this 5 hr long discussion with 2 gd friends, from the Y generation. abt how to improve the company. quite intense. hahas
but according to my deduction, i really think that they think likka X gen.




my brain's really tired.
and my leg's almost dying.
my bank's depleting,
and my time's running.

Sam and Jeffery!

2nd june!

it was my first time being a 姐妹/escort for a wedding. hahas. 

and what's more, sam's and jeffery! known Sam since i was 13 and Jeff since i was 15. hhaahs. 

i was the Capt while she was the vice-Capt of the KC bowling team then. ahhahas. 

everything also throw to me. hahas. lotsa memories. ah. ahhas. 

my doubles partner as well for some of the events even till TP. and after TP, she also studied in SIM but didn't join the team. but by then, i was alrdy graduating.

so oh my 3 schools tgt. KC, TP, SIM. hahas.

for me, i just felt very happy for her for being so blissful in marriage. hahas

:')

ok so. as u can see, the theme is more or less racing. hahas. coz jeffery's gang all race car one. hahas. 

no offence. but instead of racers, they look like the pit stop mechanics. hahas. #Likkaboss

toook some shots at expo. supposed to go seletar to do the photoshoot though. hahas.

i wanna have the group photo of all the zhenged up cars and everyone!

my heels couldn't take it. hahahhas. the heel got caught in the side stand. so after a whole day of running about, the heels disintegrated.

part 2.

MBS. oh my

how huge.

this was the express lift to her hotel on the 54th storey. aahhahahaas. oh my.

it was just like using gravity to pull the whole lift down. actually, gg up was also about the same speed.

and here's the hugeass room. 

everything was just very nice and like in Atas Land.

  

to say that it was breathtaking is just an understatement.

this was found in the room. and this whole thing can be eaten. and i mean the WHOLE THING. its all made from chocolate. its too pretty to sink ur teeth into anywhere.
so i really duno how it tastes like. but the chocolates inside were 'removeabily edible'. ahas

cheryl and i were the recepts for the nite! (:
also my doubles partner. hahas.

and so. below u see is the $49.90 heels that mother poon bought for me. (coz i wasn't willing to spend that kind of money on such shoes and was all ready to wear my old heels that was alrdy destroyed in the morng during the gate crashing) EH. but look how high it is. proud of me? (pls take into credit that i'm still healing from my MCL injury).
i survived the night in it ok. i think if my physio saw how i performed in a dress and such high heels, he would have probably got me discharged as a patient.

this is some of the photos that can be found online. ahhas. more photos in the HD. but abit lazy to search. ahhas.

and lastly, in all, 6 of my friends got married on that day! hahhas
(:

i wish them all a very Happy Married Life as they unfold a whole new chapter in their life. hopefully, they'll have new little ones to join in their happy lives. hahahs.
(:

June is really the time to get married. especially for most teachers. ahhahas

smsing

its been long since i've had continued smses with someone like that.


it meant to be a twitter status update, but i figured that u might read it.
so i'm just gg to post this up here, hoping that u dont really watch this space.


honestly honestly, i rlly hope i'm not leading u on or vice versa or anything like that coz i really like our friendship. like that. how it is.
we started msging more only last night. and i know, i may just be a sensitive person.
but it always seem to start with the continued smses right.
things like what did u do today, what u doing now and stuff, isn't it?

but really. i dont want to drift anywhere further than i can expect because still, there's that you still not being able to get out of my life. it wouldn't really be fair to u in any way because subconsciously, my heart might just be on auto-pilot mode and use u to fill in that gap right. and because i know u're a good person, a friend of his, (and idk if this matter or not) rmbring that u're a good backliner and kicker back in SA old days where u guys fought back the B div championship title, i think i should not take any actions that can highly cause damages to the growth of our friendship. hahahs.

sounds like some business model? no. hahahas


ok la. u know what, i rlly shouldn't think that much, and just act continue to be who i am. should there be any hints that i should stop, i should; or at least, explain how i feel about everything.
i dont want to hide anything to anyone.
and i more importantly, i dont want to be misunderstood.

bubbles

ok. idk why i named this post bubbles.

anyway. i had a good day at work today coz jy was with me till our 2nd last flight! hahas. (:
she's like my working girlfriend. hear all my complains and stuff. hahas. really thank God for her. w/o her, life in this job would not be as smooth.


and today, i got praised by a passenger! damn happy can. it really really made my day. SINGAPOREAN somemore. coz i usually greet the pax when i'm on duty. so while he was like collecting his bag, the normal "hi, good morning sir" (though it wasn't the normal SOP as to say 'gd mrng sir, welcome to changi. hahas. srsly, NO ONE says that.) yea. then anyway, he replied "hey yea, its very nice to hear you greeting us passengers you know. thank you, i appreciate that". smth like that la. and i tell u, from that moment, i am DETERMINED to greet every pax, no matter how chao is their bin or my bin is. ok, for those non-hokkien speaking, bin is face for hokkien. ahhas.

yea. so everything so smooth. no common gate. no reasonably unreasonable customers. except that i struggle to reply a kind "hi, how are u doing?" from an ang-moh. u know for them its not really like a qns but a greeting right. but i haven't got adjusted to say something decent like "i'm fine, thank you". i feel damn singaporean... and paiseh. so usually i'd brush it off by saying smth like "ur baggage sir/ ur boarding pass sir/.. " something to discontinue it. ahas.


ok anyway. that's sucha boring post right.

been looking at several sg's traffic accident. and mostly involving motorbikes or cars beating red lights on to only crash into the another vehicle traveling in an adjacent direction. haiz.

over all this course of work and riding, i've really learnt something "dont assume. dont be too confident". ahhahas



i wonder what are you doing now.


suddenly, i had an idea.
i finally realize suspect y i stopped gg church. not mainly. but partially. it was to partially to stop seeing u for a while. but i then realized it became a 2 yr drought for my christian walk. hahas. now that i'm trying to go back church more regularly, i see that u're there too on sundays with ur mum. yea. and it doesn't help that i'm starting to see u more on the fields/ during trng or smth. really. i rmbr when u're in hiatus, probably for ur A levels, i dont rmbr seeing u at all for at least 6 months.

and with all that trying to forget u, it was really really a big improvement. and when i finally thought that i have finally let you go mentally, of all places, i had to bump into u in genting. hahas.
that one bump caused a tremor in my heart that lasted at least for a whole night, till the next morng. that every where i went around in genting with my friends, i was damn cautious, protecting myself from any unexpected sight. ahhas



ok whatever.
went to tamp gym. and then to the pool.
really a good work out and i'm very shagged. hahas.

wedds

just to share a photo taken last year.
some how when i flip through old shots, shots that didn't speak to me then, speak to me now.

loosing my identity

hi. meet my first handbag. $15 :/

and Mother Poon spent $52.26 on me for eyeshadower, dunowhat powder and lipgloss. And she's happy abt it.  that's like 2 months worth of petrol money.

and ytd, $42 on high heels.

and last wk. $206 on 2 atas dresses.

i really thank God that i'm not into all these fashion/makeup and all. the $$ saved can be spent in buying nice versatile bagpack and stuff. alother, its easily $300. its like a yr's worth of petrol money?!

ok. the sudden outburst of all these of such buying is due to SAMANTHA'S wedding. hahas

i'm part of the sisters. and heels, dresses, makeup is all mandatory. ahhas.

i think its good to look good once a while. but i prefer to be comfortable. u know with all the makeup/ eyeliner and all, u can't rub ur eyes. u can't perspire. and riding a bike is gg to be gross. with all the wind, sweat, dust... ewwhs. idk how those malay girls ride those nice vespas, with a nice skirt and still look so awesomely good with their make up. really skill k. baik siol. ahhas.

and i still believe that if i'm comfortable with who i am, i would be a happy person. all the makeup, dresses and all is just... ok nvm.

abt identity.

1 wk of work has changed me slightly. i become more tolerant, patient and polite. Because of a habit from my job, when I make eye contact with ppl, I'll involuntarily give the hello-welcome/nice-to-see-u smile. i mean its a good change luh.

but really, its all just a facade. likka show.

we put up a friendly performance to make everything a happier and better place. but inside, hahas, we're all cursing abt the low pay, long hours and tired legs. ahahas.

that's all about customer service huh. gg the extra mile.

go. i'd better go catch some beauty slp and recharge my batt for the wk.

oh yes.before that, can i shout out smth.

I'M STILL DAMN FRUSTRATED.

i thought after like 2 wks, and the whole hk thing, i'd be more immune to sitting out for trng right. but hell no. i'm still very angsty abt it. it sucks to know that everyone is trng, getting more game time and experience, and getting physically stronger, fitter, faster and better, while here i am, still awaiting for my 1st physio appt on 7th june.

SUCKS BIG TIME. 

arghhhhh.

and just to add on to e ending of a sportspoon post, i wannt say that i wish to have at least caught a glimpse of u today. i thought i'd see u in church or trng at least today. but no. and idk why i feel upset 'incomplete' w/o seeing u today. really. it sucks to know that i'm still having all these feelings that are super uncalled for. 

pray for me. i really want to solve this whole idk-what-problem inside me. 

40hrs

finally a wk of work.
tue-fri.


really physically challenging. hahas.
had to wear skins to slp for recovery sia. macham like some big game next day.


many funny incidences.
one is when I asked the passenger for his number card (to collect bag).. he chuckled and wanted to give me his name card. "Sir, the number card. Not ur number, sir" and we both laughed. Hahahahs

finally official

did 4 flights today.
leggs are soo tired.
with 0 trng since 19 april and with The Knee, just standing/walking for a few hours makes my whole body feels damn shagged now.


i think i'm in my pms zone now. Poon Marian Syndrome.
ahas. no la. as in literally, its always this time of the month when i'm moody poony and emo for no reason.


day one of officially carrying out duties.
so much i wanna change.
so much i wanna deliver.
so much i wanna communicated to the dua taos up there.
what/how are they thinking?!

rehab.

sometimes, when u get hurt by people, forget it. really.
they dont deserve much of ur efforts and thoughts to try and salvage anything.

leave the tree. find that forest.



something i got from the web to help with my rehab.

every cloud there's a silver lining

taken with my itouch + instagrammed. 

finally got my MRI results last Thurs.

):

MCL grade 2/3 tear.

ACL 15% buang.

):

didn't know about the ACL. ahhas. 

and to think that i was damn hopeful for it to be a major sprain or at most, a grade 1 tear. hahas

tmd. grade 3?! sure anot.

the doc say MCL got 3 layers of MCL. the first one totally gone. 2nd one has been torn and left abit. 3rd one still intact.

ok la. thank God.

all on the verge of op.

one thing good abt gg for op is that it'll be stronger. but, it'll be 8 months out. i can say bye bye to this yr's recital. leaving it as it is would mean scar tissues and hardcore strengthening, physio-ing for the next 4 slow months.

i believe i would have the patience to do it la.

lets go!. 

coz every cloud there's a sliver lining.

yea. and on that day, i enrolled for Air Transport Training College's SAME specialist Diploma course.

and today, i got inspired to start exploring the Marketing scene again. maybe not the FMCG that scared me and change my life, but maybe on the physio side.

just saying.

support Daniel's music

Primary school mate. 

jammed with him once.

inspired by him many.

click here

on Tow

first time sparky on tow.

something wrong with the clutch mechanics. its been like that for days alrdy. i ignored the tell tale signs, hoping for it to press on for another day.


so after i exit ecp rochor exit, i wanted to go straight, up the hill. but i just felt amiss and unsafe. so i took an immediate left turn, a slip road to suntec. heing ka la sai. that's when my clutch totally broke off inside. totally couldn't engage the gear and the engine was as good as useless.

so called planet motors.
on tow.

hahas. hopefullly the TP gets it.
had to make my SIRD card before the office close at 12. so i grabbed lunch and cabbed down to waterloo, leaving Sparky all alone for the tow truck to come.



whole day, bus in and bus out. totally erks. so much time wasted.

new tyres!
Pirelli.

ahhas. and the famous uncle chong.
if ur bike's with him, they in good hands. (: hahahas. he's damn power. and he's damn nice.
he waited till i went down to collect my bike before he lock up. 9pm + ?!
(:
thank God.

not a great day.

but its all up to me to decide how i felt about it.

hahas. HK post up soon! (:

HK Intercities 2012

once again, awesome tournament. 12th may.

we got the title for both the Mixed and Men's category.

still ): that i wasn't able to play coz of the knee. but glad that i'm at least able to help out as a Team Manager. hahaas. but really, the level of play has increased, alongside with the level of referees. (:

and of course, court session was not spared.

great amt of alcohol and ridiculous fines. 

and priceless time of fellowship.

and of course, some of us are missing last yr's.

roomies for the Trip. at HoppInn.

awesome place. free (and relatively strong) wifi. comfortable and all, with double deck beds, multipurpose hall and all. and i think its abt SGD $30 per night like that. (:

hahas. and of course, the annual clubbing. coz baby you're a fireworks...

for Sunday afternoon, left us and a few more others to conquer HK.

and how can i not post this up.

and the last day, gg back. 

bye!

to HK for HK Inter-cities Touch Tournament and back on MON!

take a chance. dont regret.

i had 3 dinner choices today.
political vs friendship vs obedience.



literally.
i chose friendship.





period.









sometimes most of the time, i talk to this space coz i feel that i dont have anyone to talk to. its more like, i duno how to convey my thoughts out to anyone else (except you). blogging helps me to slow my neurons down to manageable, absorbable, comprehendible pace.




sometimes its quite scary how tumblr flashes u and image that totally amplifies ur thoughts and sets its perimeters to give u a gotcha-there feeling.

been thinking about this....
and even more clearly today. and really, my mind was all about this when this image came out. after clicking onto blogger (wanting to blog about it like now), i clicked on tumblr... scrolled down.. and saw this image. hahas.


its not just about telling that i love u or what, coz honestly, i dont really know. but i just wanna pick things up from where we left off 5 yrs ago. i'm not looking at any progression or what. i just dont want to lose such a great friend and brother in my life.
ok. enough of the explaination. i think i've done enough throughout the years here.




i guess coz apart from the fact that i still undeniably miss you, it adds on to me when my friend's bf passed away. yea. referring that that recent NS.F case in april.
i see her tweets.
it just gives me feel the 'aw-man' feeling.
its like, we will really only feel the deep essence of regret when we're being thrusted upon it.  learning to sincerely treasure that same level of essence (before something/someone is gone) is probably a skill or takes highly-skilled empathic heart.
honestly, i dont think anyone on this earth is able to achieve the skill of appreciation at that level. perhaps a 105 great grandma would.



now that u're still alive and well, shouldn't i just take that leap of faith with huge spoonful of courage to....
write another letter to you. hahahs
what if again, i dont get a response. or rather a response that reflect that i've not done anything at all which would just take the whole thing onto a new desperate level.


i need help.

meet me friend

sometimes, i dont like myself.


been thinking, what if i knew me.
will i be a friend to myself?



hahas.the one big change for me after you've left is now, having that ability to relate very well to emo tweets or tumblr posts regarding relationships.
hahas. i think if i have never been in a relationship, i rlly wouldn't know.




ugh. emo.
idk if 'hate' is the word to describe the whole emo thing now.
everything's been so inhabited, so diluted, that it doesn't really become something to be evaluated upon.



In another life
I would make you stay
So I don't have to say
You were the one that got away
the one that got away





but i guess in this life, SUCK IT UP YOW. hahas
rlly. on the verge of going back to the nites where i spent writing 3-4 pages-long notes.
ideally and supposedly to be handed in to you with much non-existent courage and bravery. hahas. and they'll end up either in the bin or in this small metal tin locker box. (its those mental tins with locks, when we're in pri sch, we would think that it's the SAFEST box in the WORLD to put anything and everything inside. and we're hide the key super well.)





i need a cure.
likka remedy or some sort.




been so tired.
can feel myself physically wearing out (from idk what, since i'm not even trng)
but i can't sleep.
and that's bad.
coz i love to sleep.
and sleep is always too good.






how apt.
from the cover page of my $4.50 notebook for the C academy.

sun-ed-day

a recovering Rugger vs wedding preps

met up with sam and the girls. prepping for her wedding/ gatecrashing and all.
quite excited. coz both the bride and groom are my long time friends.
and for the groom's side, all zeng-ed up cars. and i'm supposed to be the escort/TP (with a pink dress+ white jacket on a bike) or some sort. hahas. i'm excited abt the bike part, but not the dress part.


i'll leave the details to the posting of fun photos after june! ahhas


yea. all of us, same age.
there she is, planning her wedding, her house, her finance.
and her i am, trying to heal my MCL, worrying about trngs/season, and school fees; and whether i should be getting a boyfriend or not.


hahas.
maybe i really should just grow up.
and stop giving the 'living out my youth' excuse.
i really dont use it as an excuse, but it relation, hahas, it seems like so.

how to be brave

how can i love when i'm afraid to fall

feelin'
quite emo tonight.

dreamt of u last night.
and because it was such a pleasant dream, in reality, it's a nightmare.



and awesome songs from YouTube peeps are on my repeat list tonight:
- A Thousand Years (Christina Perri) / Twenty-Four (Switchfoot) Cover by Tanner Patrick
- Safe and Sound (Taylor Swift) Cover by Tiffany Alvord & Megan Nicole
- The One That Got Away (Katy Perry) Cover by Tiffany Alvord and Chester See

they're getting better than the original.
discovered these 3 vids just tonight. and all 'em seem to be in unison, quietly banging against the string of my heart.

u're up in Jarkata, playing ur 10s for the club.

as for me, (-)the whole MCL saga, i would be playing my league tmr as well. hahas

STL Mixed Division: Monsoon Avengers vs Super Heros. 

no joke. that are the club's name.

see! i'm not making it up. ahaas

yep.

i really dont know why i'm feeling so.... so.. want-to-be-by-ur-side these few days.

or rather actually, want u to be by my side. hahas

ugh.

hate all these girly thingy creeping up on me.

i needa start to learn to live a life without you all over again. we met in 2001 maybe? if i could do it for 12 yrs w/o you. and i dont see y for the past 11 yrs, i can't. 

speaking of which.. WAH. its been half a life-time that we've met. 

jhang jhangjhang.

shoppingz

i've nv planned a day out to shop. not in the last 1 yr i at least.

its either like, after/before league/trng/work, got out dinner then shop or smth. nv really have a day planned for it.

unnecessarily bought a bag. hahas.

planned to shop and watch movie with ulrica. hahas. 

watched Avengers. hahas. Iron Man and Hulk was the comedic part of the plot.

quite chillax ah. hahas. 

yea. and i need $$$.

brutal honesty

today, we finally passed the test. the test right, nv felt so confident for a test before. likka confirm FULL marks kind. i mean like, the trainer has already given us the answers. even if we didn't fully understand the rationale, we rmbred the answers.


practical was too easy peasy. haas
oral was like. huh. felt so sad when she asked me the simplest qns.

no. i'm not egoistic / arrogant or think i'm Miss know-it-all. but really.
what was tested today dont justify the amount of hours and effort spent trng.
but ok, just saying. happy to get over and done with the formalities.



went back to the academy to do some dispatching. hahas.
then bumped into some old friends!



and rain seem to be hot (not exactly the word) in my pursuit for the rest of the evening. raining at places when i'm on my bike.


ahhas. actually i wanna be brutally honest about somethings here.
but, i guess not! hahas
and i miss you today.

securing your world

indeed.

and i cant believe like at this time, i'm still wide awake and damn motivated to come up with a brillant plan to improve the company in so many aspects.

i just that it needs a big booast somewhere to go far.