her thoughts

u know.
i take bus to sch, then i see the poly kids. HHAHAHS.


10 guys. at least 10 of them have the SAME i-am-cool hairstyle in a same bus.. u rmbr singers like paultwohill and slyvestersim. the long hair that sways as u walk and then covers have the face.
when 1 person has it, it is cool.
when the whole world has it, its NOT pls.
it then translates to posers.



ppl likes to dress up.
sometimes, on those days that i dont have trng, i do. that's will be fri and perhaps sunday. hahas.

why do ppl dress up?
to give themselves a name?
to create a sort of image?
to attract the opp sex?

i guess its a combination of all no matter how one tries to argue him/herself.




that's the thing abt marketing. making cheap shit look like drop dead gorgeous. the total manufacturing cost of a simple shoe can be like $1. then.. just because of some brains and some v colourful words and images.. the shoe becomes like a hunderd times the worth.

to me, its like... legalized conning. atas cheating.



ok. enough.



just now.. i went downstairs to put my bowling stuff in my friend's car. my lift corridor is freakin scary at 12am pls. seriously. coz like its under renovation. then everything looks eerie. the arrows of the new lifts are like lighted with blinking red and green lights. omg. damn scary.

after i done my stuff, climbed the stairs up. scary pls.
chicken heart.




these few days. i feel like drinking. i've got like a free can of redbull in e fridge and an expensive bottle of Belvedere that i bought from DFS from the last asian champs trip. for a few nights alrdy, i'm damn tempted to dump those 2 into my biking waterbag and cycle down to ecp to drink my night away.
hard core drinker huh.
i dont like to club. but i like to drink and be individually emo abt it. hate it when ppl drink, and act high. u know. sometimes u really know if a person's drunk or not or whether he's just plain acting silly, thinking that alcohol has given one an authority to be super loud an attract all the attention in the world. am i right to say that party drinkers? hah.

ah whatever.


how i wish i'm more brave than this so that instead of drinking... i'd be gg running now. many a times, i want to run at night to forget all the sorrows (.. siol.. HHAHAS). like seriously. with all the emoness, i'm sure can peak my performance. besides, it's healthy and beneficial to my games.



haiz. i missed playing the guitar, properly. and emoly. hahas. looks like ppl do have an impact on one's interest huh. i still love the guits alot, but it seems that at times, i'm afraid to pick it up and play. 3 guits and 1 violin are right beside me now. and a keyboard on my other side. when i play, the instrument and i become one. its like... it works as an amplifier for my shakin heart.


i duno why i'm so emo..
probably i'm really holding back too much.
too much for me to take.


perhaps, i just need to rmbr that afterall, i'm marian. period.

-

can't stop thinking
about








many
many
things





and





people.




feel like drinking to drown everything away.
hah. emo core huh.

cutest ppl in singapore.
i pity the 4mth old brother, totally tormented by the sister.



ytd friday. randomly went prawning.
last min decision.



hanged out till like next morng. (: tired, but worth it.


today... met up with the tp sports club ppl. (:
saw 3 ppl in clarke quay today! one of them is the girl whom i took prac 5 with. ahhahahs. she's like waiting for TP now! omg. ): hhahas. i think i'm like the slowest person to learn bike man. FASTER FASTER FASTER!

guarded.

i dont want this episode to be a repeat.
i train for an earthly medal but also a heavenly prize.
i dont want anything to come in my way.
i dont want to be just another team to fill up the space.
i go there, to win. to thrash.


changes are risk.
it either u improve or u get screwed.



i'm placing my last trust and chance on this one.
i will persevere. i will be patient.
and, i will work hard.
i'll turn anger and frustrations into strength, and be sure, i will perform.


i cannnot loose this.
i cannot.

and i will not.

the fallen

shall rise.



been sick since monday.

sunday night, rushed out OBIJ. hahas. i did it from like 11pm-730am straight. no fb (expect updating status to proclaim my hardworking-ness through the night). hahas

i think i did well.
damn pro in last min work. but, can't seem to start early.


went to sch. felt sick-ish and feverish.
then still go for trng.
came home, bathe.. then felt damn jia lat. but slept on thinking that its nothing.



so i was thinking.. i think i've got URTI. hahas. trying to apply what i've learnt from mission trips.. URTI= upper respiratory track infection. thus, i've got the fever, bodyaches, coughs, flu and so on.
i deduced that i've gotten it while eating cup noodles on sunday for lunch. hahas. i rmbr choking on it... and it was spicy.. so i think my throat got 'scratched' or smth and kept cooughing thereafter. so i think with the openwound, probably inflammed and causing all the bacteria to enter my body and now having all these symptoms. hahas. not bad ar.


tue morng was bad. i woke up at 745am, hoping to do my MR tutorial till 830am then go sch at 10am. while doing doing.. felt my body becoming very weak. at 930.. felt like i was gg to collapse anytime. thank God i did not leave my house for sch. almost left. so i didn't go sch. i felt impt man. had to msg about 8 ppl of my absences at different places.
continued slping.

i woke up at 11am... feeling terrible at peak. 38.6 fever.
mum told me to go down see doc. but i couldn't even walk down.
no energy to even play facebook.

slpt till evening. THOUGHT i was ok alrdy. then still nv learn, go for trng. excitied to try out the new drillings.
trng was bad. never felt so shitty in bowling b4. coach tried to change alot of things. with the sickish feeling and all... i think i wasn't coping too well. almost lost it.

came home. bathe. and 39.3 fever.



rough night sleeping in the living room. hot cold hot cold hot cold.
then today.


was THINKING of gg trng. but then again. i told myself dont go and kae kiang. later get worse again. so i decided to rest today. nua at home today.


slept and watched tv.
really nua the day away.
i hope it's a gd rest for tmr and the rest of the wk again man.
have to be back in action.
have to do projects.
have to train for major tournaments next month.


cannot loose it now.

Singapore Bay Run

formally known as the Shears Bridge Army Half marathon.

today.
i did well for the 1st 4k. then...
my backached! last time. it used to start aching at the 5k mark. this time 4k. damn sad. then i stopped to stretch. then spoil the whole thing alrdy.
i think like over 1h30? ): my aim was at least 1h15.
):
my self-discipline really sucked.
can't even start my IJ proper when deadline is TMR.


but the waterpt is gd man. every 2k got one point.
up the shears bridge was nice. sunrise and all. but it was a long up. hahhas.

many army ppl were there.
saw many friends. some running, some ushering. some marshalls.


saw this quote along the way...
"pain and suffering is the difference between boys and men". cheh cheh. hahahas. there's a few inspiring quotes towards e end luh.


after that... met up with ronald.. this uncle from the infantry. known him 3 yrs ago.
had lunch. didn't eat until i came home.


sleepy. and i slept. now, its 8pm. and I AM going to start my individual assignment PROPER. finally.
i don think i'm gonna slp tonight.


oh yea. last night. i dreamt of my dad. first time sia. i dreamt him making his stupid funny faces. and like he didn't leave this place at all. he's still around, in hiding, just that havent' showed up. hahas. scary ar. ahhahahas. was hilarious.



ok. so the next one is GE Women's 10k. must train. cannot slack back arldy. then the swissotel vertical marathon. this one i hope to get 3rd. as long as i climb 73 storys within 12min, i'm sure of a medal alrdy. unless everyone else becomes more pro. hahahahs.

slowly leads up to osim.
scared for that. 0 experience. nv tried open water swim and running after swimming and cycling. ahhahs. we'll see.

5 balls

today. i got 2 new bowling balls.
i traded in my power groove for a scout reactive and topped up money.
then i got Wasabi II.
i redrilled all my balls including the twisted fury.

quite scared.
tournament in a month's time and i'm like making so many changes.
cannot screw this.


carried 4 balls and cabbed to marina square today. AND. carried 5 home.
maximum no. of bowling balls i've ever carried.

minds

i've been late for lectures this whole week. 10-20mins late. couldn't seem to catch one bus earlier. ):

was contemplating if i should join the photog gang for dinner because i haven't started a big individual project due on monday. in the end, i joined coz i missed them. hahas.

so. it was Minds cafe at Boat Quay. photos are shot by LiJi's 35mm f/1.4 L lens. hahas. can u see the blur efffect. its like.. plus a free soft filter alrdy. ahhas. makes the lighting so nice also. hahas. and. the shutter sound of the 5D.. niicceee.








yup, i enjoyed myself. its worth it.
oh yea. on the way home, i saw the staff from IceCube. he knows my friends and i since we've patronized there a few times. ahhas.

tmr, there's also another dinner to catch up with tp sports club ppl. fiona just told me that she lost her phone and many ppl arent' able to go tmr. so its postponed! thank god. i want to go but i have to do project. and since we don't meet up often, i would go. i rmbr telling myself early this year that i want to spend more social time with the ppl around me other than just trainings and sch. maybe i would have made a mistake by choosing to go for a dinner rather than staying at home to finish my major assignment.

i'm ill disciplined this yr. very.
not that i've not started on my individual assignment, i've been late for lectures. i've not been proactive in my pursuit of my goal of passing this Degree with honours / distinction. i must keep that in mind. pls remind me friends.

i mean like. SIM doesn't care if u turn up / be late and all. but to me, it speaks alot abt how much i want to achieve my goals. u know.. like in sports, when u want to attain this gold medal, u'd turn up for every trng, be early and really like prioritize sports over everything. if i can treat my academic endeavors like how i treat my sporting goals, i think i will be a very good student. hahas. seriously.


hahas. u know ar. if i had known that TP offers literally an academic gold/silver/bronze for the 1st 2nd 3rd student of the diploma respectively, i might have worked extra harder in yr 1. hahhahahahas.

u know. now SCDF has this Home Affairs Learning & Growth (HALO) Programme scheme. degree fully sponsored with pay, but only for the 3 local unis! i really would have gone to NTU psychology. ahhas. like seriously. maybe i'll just do that after this whole RMIT since it would be free. SEE HOW. ahhhahas. sians. meisy was telling me abt some Medical officer in the army. her friend works there for ATTACHMENT. hahas. sounds interesting man. its like.. my main goal in life is to save ppl. since i can't be like a doctor-doctor.. i chose the fireman goal. then, if its still possible to be a field doctor, I DONT MIND. (: i will still explore on.

for now, just bloody focus on my project.
tmr, go drill ball. then come home and hit on the projects hard. sunday is the run alrdy. ahhahas.




remember to do all things with a positive smile. :D

sian

sleepy.
sian.

trng today.. though we had some games felt that everyone wasn't bowling as well as they should be. towards the end.. i guess got better. i think everyone's sian.

Pasir Gudang

went there today. at Johor. abt 45mins drive? hahas. at 180km/h on a Mitsubishi Colt.
saw many nice bikes.


there's a female rider also. super cool pink bike. hahas. if the pink parts are like navy blue / yellow/ red.. super nice. hahas



oh yea. and.. i drove an auto car today!!! HAHA. my first time sia. ahhahs. i did a turn ok! hahahhahhas. hannshen's auto car. actually car quite easy to drive. haven't tried manual one though. ahhahs. acquire 2B first. only can do this kind of thing in Msia. ahahs.


anyways, the black bikes all damn nice. tried the female one... ahhas. can't even reach the ground.. as in like... at all. hahas.



hahas. i will tell myself, never to play this sport. already no money to build my bicycle parts still want to go play high engine stuff. ahahas. i will only buy my yamaha spart, then zheng alittle here and there. period.




then trng.
tired sia. i felt that i had gained 100kg. felt so tired doing power step alrdys.
felt damn slow. ):



haiz.
ok. mon, tue proj dues. still haven't really started proper. :l. tired. but i'll press on. sunday's the run. and i dont think i have time to do a warm-up run b4 sunday. we'll see how it goes.

i pray, that i won's rely on my strength, but on God's. sometimes, i feel that self-discipline and time are indirect trade offs. if u have self-discipline, u'd have more time. if not, no time. it can't be... if u dont have self-discipline, then u have time rights.



PRESS ON.
this should be easy.

lackkked

i feel that i lack alot.

change?

should i change the blogskin.
i'm actually still very satisfied with it... editing the HTML and adding all the stuff that i want.
i just found out, that blogger has many more new functions. its like becoming a livejournal/twitter whereby u can follow ur friends. cool huh.

i can only add that application if i change the blog template to their's which personalization flexibility.
but i still like my blog.
so how?



today, dinner was at sis' wedding's hotel.
tried out the food.
ok la. not that bad.



that's abt it. and i successfully wasted my day. i should get like some ms procrastination award. my projects are like.. idle. die.
this wk, die.

a Singaporean

last night's fun bowl at westwood.

1am roll off.
3 blocks of 3 games
left the alley at 830am.
slept. and woke up at 530pm today.





totally crazyed out. hahahs. the 9pin tap block made everyone felt like a pro. hahahs.


tired still. probably slept too much.

watched NDP today.
liked the show alot this yr. hahas. chpt by chpts.
Singapore is indeed blessed with good governance. whatever the probs that we've had or faced, Singapore is still Singapore where is it today.

SM LKY is the leader that's worth looking up as a role model in terms of governance, leadership and all. be it crisis like terrorist, health and all.. Singapore, maybe through its kiasu-ness... is able to withstand and march on even stronger after that.

i'm just proud of the whole package that Singapore has. blessed with no natural disaters, good governance, good cultures, and most of all, good food. hahas.
all these = good inflow of tourist income thus, good economy.


Sang Nila + Sir Stamford Raffles + Lee Kuan Yew = Singapore - fishing villange.


i think Singaporeans should continue to be proud of themselves and all of the Lahs Lors Sia and all. ahhas. its healthy for nation growth ok. hahahs.



okok. i shall go and start on my work. enough of play. i've played enough.

travelling

record time to reach sch: 55min.
i woke up at 11.05am. left house at 11.10pm.
board 87 at 11.20pm
board 5 at 11:25pm
board 154 at 11:43pm
reached sch at 12:05pm.


late, but just in time when she started. whooots.



hahahs. after 87, 5 came immediately. then 154.. sped through. didn't stop at most bus stops. ahhahs. yays. God rocks.



then sch. damn pms-y today. back ached. nua-ster. hungry.
thanks to friends to help me tahan.
then went back to TP to interview.
caught us with the lecturers. i think they miss us more than we miss them though we miss them alot also. cheh cheh. HAHAHHAHAs. seriously, SIM's nothing like TP.
i think if all of SIM marketing students were to take TP's PBL way of learning things, they sure fail.

anyways.


sneaked in to the library.
found alot of books. very gd bks for project.
left early.


waited for abt 2hrs.
then went to malaysia for dinner. it was 11pm ish by then. hungry max.
didn't go trng today. it was the 1st trng for sunig team for bowling. next trng's at tampines. can't wait for it to be at tamp. ahhas. test the loyal ones. HAH.

anyway. dinner was good. loads of seafood, crab and chicken wings on stick. 45 ringgit for all. yea. i can't wait to get my liscense man.




so yea. just came home like 30mins. waiting for HK drama to start. missed the 9pm one. ahhahs.

iplayed.

lunched with gab and joelle.
estee and vonne plus jamin would enjoy it ok.
we're ice cream chefs. hahs.

bought a TIME mag-special commeration issue for MJ that cost me $8. and bought something for a friend coz though it was cute and that she would like it.
felt angelic ok.


then to NUS for trng.
hahas. i didn't know 97 goes there from suntec! i thought of changing bus at clementi. then it passes AYE... and the field. ahhas. i alighted very happily.
i reached within 25mins.


then trng.
my back really hurt today. must have hurt it on monday. but like major delayed reaction huhs.
finally resumed. i had fun. (: been long since like that. nonsensical fun.

the supper. with mavis. hahas. i'm sure.
she and her teh halia. hahs.




took photos and videos today. all posted on Facebook.



so i came home, caught my hk drama show. the crime scene investigation one. hahas. then i sat down, uploaded all the stuff, played restaurant city, farmed and increased level. ahhas..
ok. the main point is, i played alot.

like i didn't go lecture ytd.
played so much today.


somehow, i'm doing work now. v proud of myself. finally got heart to do. this is bad. i'm doing work not because i'm discipline but because i feel like doing.
maybe its coz i have to interview someone tmr so i have to prepare? but whatever it is, i know i'm doing it not because i'm discipline.

maybe its also because i've played alot today. so my instict tells me that i should at least do some work.


that's like similar to our relationship with God. sometimes we walk with Him because we feel like it. not because we need to. we spend time with Him only when we feel like it and not because we are to be discipline salts and lights. the feelings here are not equal to sincerity. the feelings are like stimulus to remind you to pacify yourself, to make u feel better. its about me feeling gd, me feeling comfortable and not about the ppl around u.


seriously. how many a times we do things really because we want the ppl around us to be happy even if it means for ourselves to have to spend $, take out time and effort? how many friendships are fostered because of the benefits rather than the sincerity and love.


for me, i'm actually quite clear of my intentions and actions towards the external surroundings... i.e ppl or tasks.
maybe it's cause i'm nutured well enough to be a very objective person. but, towards myself; towards the Heavenly Father, i may not haven been a good friend or a child. 1 aspect, prospects huh.



aiya.. ok. i'm gg to go back to work now. awesome~.

absent

super absent minded today.

lecuture at 12pm.
i set alarm at 9.40am. then sooooonze. then i woke up at 11am.
if its TP, i've still got time to even eat breakfast.
since its Market Research and at SIM....


i DID NOT GO LECTURE.


first time in my life i skipped lecture when i could go and also due to laziness.

omg. lousy shit.
continued sleeping.
felt v tired for no reason. letargic? more like plain lazy.



then. on the way out of the house, i forgot to wear my watch and my routine stuff. forgot to bring my water bottle also.

whole time, i was thinking abt mission. cambodia vs thailand.
its bad.




haiz.
last night, i was doing the 40day fast book. i finally started on it, late by 1month and 3 days. supposed to start in july. but i realised it only in mid july... so decided to start in AUG. so now, i've started. but 4th aug. hahas.

there's a reason to why i started late.
God planned it.

read this last night.
kena shock again. exact same issue and this is how God reaches my busy heart.





obviously He planned it right. i got this book last month and now i'm reading it when i'm facing this exact situation now. haiz.

fb

omg. the day has come.
mummy poon has facebook.
she wants to be my friend.


HOW.

l-l

damn tired today.
lots of scratches.
legs super soft.
eyes are squinting max now.
i need sleep.




i'm thinkg of joining alicern and gang in the Cambodia mission. end nov.
then.
i dont think i have the finance to go cambodia then thailand.
but.
i miss thailand. alot.


i feel like gg cambodia this yr round. i duno why. maybe because the thai team is relatively big this yr? i duno.



HOW.
HOW HOW.



i dun think i have much time to decide.
i think uncle james wants to book the tickets alrdy. on alicern's side.. i need the answer soon.



gd news is that exams are on oct and sch ends then. which leave me to do my yr end activities.

HOW HOW HOW.
omg. i hate choices.
when we're given choices, we complain.
when we dont, we also complain.

the gathering

i stayed at home and did up my MR IJ. felt accomplished. but i'm stuck at OB. ): very stucked. dont like referencing. tmr, die. must work doubly hard.


so. cycled to sara's for kc gathering! of STEAMBOAT. whoots.
loved seeing the girls.
how we grow up and how we are today. different paths, but still the same. friends forever sia. hahas.


then.
sara and i cycled to frankel's mac. hahas. bedok mac is so much nearer ok. but there's the hill to climb. ahhahas. so ended up at frankel. super no one there. nice.
haha. we had a gd talk. abt church. abt ppl. abt stuff. (:
hahas. and i miss geraldyne. skyped with her today (: hahas.

the start

ok. hahas. jeric and i passed bronze for swimming. HAHS. yea. at our age. jas' taking it end of the month. and yes, with all the kids. ok. onwards towards being a lifeguard. hahs.


oh yea. btw. today's day one of my postponed 4day fast. hahs. so. i'm gg to fast on..
1) 1 meal of the day. (be it breakfast, lunch or dinner)
2) any colourful words or intentions of swearing. hahas.



ok. on with my day.
then. FOP. didn't want to go actually. wanted to do work at home. pack my room again. but then.. i went.


i can't rmbr anything abt the 'sing song' segment. sermon was nice. mark cornner's good. he said a few points, very applicable in my life, and also, the life of the tny ministry.


to draw out 2 main points:

1) from the Prodigal son
usually the story focuses on the younger son. now,he looks at 2 sons. both the same. both lost. and both have a loving Father. the younger son knew he mistake and turned back and the Father welcomed him with open arms. the older brother got jealous insisting that but the Father still showed love to him. and the story ended w/o telling whether did the elder brother turn back his ways or not.

so
= where are we? lost and still not know that we're lost. or lost, and then turning back?



2) from the tax collector
basically, its abt Jesus being super nice by asking this tax collector whom everyone hates for lunch. then the tax collector changed his heart and become a better person.

so
= is it because of Jesus' visitation and kind gesture that made him have a change in heart or issit because he really wanted to change from the start? (smth like that though i can't phrase as strongly as how Conner did.)






to me. both stories/lessons applies to my current life hand in hand.
so many maybes.
so maby perspectives to look at.
ultimately, running back to God is the only right thing. but this run, is not gg to be just a simple run on the track. its gg to be like a climb up mt. everest or more personally, mt. k. sometimes u run, sometimes u stop to look at ur map and compass to see if ur direction tallies b4 taking the next step.
maybe i'm hard headed or what, but i simply dont want to run because i'm told or advice to do so. like duh. i know the right direction. i just want to approach it in the most sincere and heart way. i want to get it right and not just adhere. maybe i'm also blocking out love from God so its like... stuck. hah.

there u see. many persepectives.


on the other hand, sometimes, leaders experience groupthink. just because no one says anything abt anything, everyone just agree its the best way to go about doing things. either that, or leaders just dont listen. maybe they do but they never take in considerations. keep goin on and on and on... with all the right assumptions that every is correct in His time. maybe yes, maybe no.. i dont know.
just a word of caution, we may be like the elder brother... dont even know or acknowledge that we're lost. its it we really dont know or... simply just dont want to stop and look at the compass again. yes, argue with the 'concept' of having faith and all.
i guess what all of us need is just more heart into doing things. with God's guiding hands, plans with be His and it will be the absoulte right way of what He wants.

what makes God so uncomprehendable is also because He's a God who knows of the future all the way, but doesn't stop Man in doing our sinful ways and stuff. its like.. He has the power to delete all sins... but He doesnt. He gives us choices and yet, knowing the end. hahas. cannot understand means cannot understand.



ok. yaya.
tmr. i dont feel like gg.
i just wanna stay at home b4 i meet the kc gang for dinner at Sara's.








ok. references.. from BibleGateway.com




The Parable of the Lost Son- Luke 15:11-31

11Jesus continued: "There was a man who had two sons. 12The younger one said to his father, 'Father, give me my share of the estate.' So he divided his property between them.

13"Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. 14After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. 15So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. 16He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.

17"When he came to his senses, he said, 'How many of my father's hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! 18I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. 19I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men.' 20So he got up and went to his father.
"But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

21"The son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.[b]'

22"But the father said to his servants, 'Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 23Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. 24For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' So they began to celebrate.

25"Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. 26So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. 27'Your brother has come,' he replied, 'and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.'

28"The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. 29But he answered his father, 'Look! All these years I've been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. 30But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!'

31" 'My son,' the father said, 'you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. 32But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' "









Zacchaeus the Tax Collector- Luke 19:1-9

1Jesus entered Jericho and was passing through. 2A man was there by the name of Zacchaeus; he was a chief tax collector and was wealthy. 3He wanted to see who Jesus was, but being a short man he could not, because of the crowd. 4So he ran ahead and climbed a sycamore-fig tree to see him, since Jesus was coming that way.

5When Jesus reached the spot, he looked up and said to him, "Zacchaeus, come down immediately. I must stay at your house today." 6So he came down at once and welcomed him gladly.

7All the people saw this and began to mutter, "He has gone to be the guest of a 'sinner.' "

8But Zacchaeus stood up and said to the Lord, "Look, Lord! Here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount."

9Jesus said to him, "Today salvation has come to this house, because this man, too, is a son of Abraham. 10For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost."

long

sch was ok.


then night cycling.
the route was long. changi v and back. abt 40k? it was ok luh.. just very long and mentally draining.. half that time i was falling asleep. hahas.


on the way back then like awake. coz u're alone and on the road.. probably more adrenaline. ahhahs. i avoided the underpass coz it was too freaky alrdy. so i.. took the road whereby its like super for cars only. haha. and cycled against traffic.then then.. hahas. i saw a police car whizz pass me. he saw me and stared at me. hahas. i act as if nothing. hahas.


ok la.
overall.. i thought it could have been more ppl.
haiz. i really miss the old days.








life is all about perspective.
was telling talking to this friend of mine.. trust vs believe. i can trust what a person says.. but i won't believe it. i dont buy excuses that ppl make up for themselves. oonce, twice, ok. but if many times, omg, i think blind also know what's gg on. seriously.

the best solution to life, whatever the circumstances, is the truth. if it hurts, it kills, so be it. at least its the truth and that's the right and gd thing. saving urself just gg to make it worse.

library

hahs.
i actually planned to go running today sia.
been long since i've ran a distance. and the sg bay run is coming up.


but.
did projects. then went sengkang library.
library rocks.
damn high tech. instead of like typing to search the books.. u CALL an operator. they'll type for u. then then. u'll see their screen and the mouse moving and all. ahhas. high tech man.

to make a new library card, just like.. use the kiosk. ahhas. high tech man.


i love libraries now.



but then.

i'm lazy.
u know i dun think i can do any work when i'm at home. i need to get out of the house. get out big time if i want to do anything productive.

-

i blogged.
and this blogger did not capture it.
and quite abit of my exciting day today ok.





i am upset. and i'm gg to sleep.
wasted my time.

bah.

feels damn lazy to do anything.

my hand back legs are aching.


i've been eating alot.




so. 3yrs ago, it was a thurs.
i was bowling collegiate against the team1 guys. i did bowl well somehow. hahas.
today, it's a monday, and i was playing fun touch at SIM's campus at ulu pandan.
so.
it was that 3yrs ago that changed my life.

selection

played guit/bass for kfc today. when i was playing the guit... felt me gg back to music. had all the feel man.

just today, 4 adults talked to me abt my MIA-ing of church. to sum up briefly
1) (suddenly can't rmbr who)
2)mary martha
3)everyone is called
4)read the bible



church adults do look out for the teens and youths.
aunties have wireless.
we only have cable.



then selections. 8games. longest ever. 7pm- 1230am. at bukit batok csc. thank God for rogner's locker and sz's car. we suppered then went home.
just got back.

ok luh. i didn't do badly nor very well. it was ok. up and down games. could have done much better if i'm better in my spares. my pin 10 ar. today horrible shit.
had a few 19 and 18 games. avging out to abt 170 . there's this game ar.. 132. i tried to do smth with the finger insert but got worse. so went back to original. felt better and safer. but yay! amanda and i got in! coz apart from the seeded, we're 1st and 2nd! hahahs. ((: for girls that is.




ok. damn tired. long day.
tmr another long day. gd nite.

water bombs

i went for the fun games in the morn in the end. we're like 1hr late. hahas. super hot sun. but i had fun. damn tired. felt super unfit.



after that. church games.
honestly, i had alot of fun just watching ppl play twister. the water bombs were fun. plus the soapy sheet and all.
i went there, with one goal in mind- to really have fun with ppl. i didn't bother to take photos and stuff coz this time, i really wanted to be part of it all. hahas.
thanks to ppl who organised it and all. no thanks if meetings were like overly sceduled if it was just those. but nonetheless, i really had fun and gd to see ppl enjoying themselves. i've never really been involved-involved. its always me and the camera. though i enjoy it too, i guess sometimes, i need the time to be in it.


u see. this is what we lacked.
fellowship

aiya.
dont want to say and whine anymore.


oh yea. hahahahs. the most funny thing ever i've seen in my life.... kathy wanted to throw a bucket of water on ppl. it was abt 1/3 full.. ahahhahas. then she flicked..... and it ALL splashed on herself. some of us saw it and we really had a gd laugh. aunty sandra, jov, and some girls saw too. i couldn't stop laughing for 5mins. not that i'm mean, but kathy laughed too. ahhahahs. super super funny. she was all out to get ppl wet but got herself even wetter. hahahahhahas. should have taken a video of it. CLASSIC max.



so in the end, dinner.
i wanted to stay on. its like not just ordinary dinner but like hot plate in church sia. but then again, i promised mum out for dinner. sis' bday today also. in the past, i would like reject my mum and stayed on to have the fun. but somehow, i felt that i needed to go acc my mum, sis and the small girl (cousin's daughter = niece?) yea. had fun with them 3. laughed alot too. girl was too cute and funny.
if only, dad was around. i'm sure it'll all be complete and super duper fun max. ):


looking back. when i was v involved in church in the past, i gave up alot for ministry time. even if it means to leave mummy alone in bugis st shopping .. i would. though she's perfectly fine with it, it's still damn sad rights.. unless u're like emo and looking for a breather...unless... lonely sia.
i rmbr sat was fully for teens time. sun was fully for service and outings. we hanged out every sunday unless it's exam period. i didn't have much hang out time with mum. dinner at home doesn't really count. its different.



now since everyone has their own meetings, i'd hang out with mum. i feel more joy honestly. i duno if its because i'm growing up or i'm being more distant with the ministry... but i'm sure that family over friends is probably the right thing to do. thus, i conclude, do everything in moderation. even if it means to sacrifice something in some occasion, do it because that's also probably ur 'responsibilty'.


finding the line to moderate can be tough i guess.
like eg. exams vs ministry time. ya ya, exams come first and its like duh. at times, ministry time can be also crucial right. i think it really all voice down to 2 things. 1) you. 2) ppl around u.
1) you. you need know what u want. what u want to achieve. what's ur priority at that point of time as well as what are the consequences to bear for whichever decision made.

2) ppl around u. sometimes, ppl dont understand. they just choose not to. person A may be feel that X is as impt as how person B does. in another words, to really be in someone shoes, is to really be in someone shoes. no point saying "i understand.. i'll pray for you" when u dont give that understanding/ leeway one lack. talk only. no action. they alwaysthink they know what's best for u even though they are never that that position. u can advice, not instruct or give that indirect-forceful-yet-contemplating tone. so on this pt, ppl around u plays a part in making the journey, though same, smooth sailing, or rough rocky.


whatever.


bottomeline, i had alot of laughs today w/o thinking of any other things. did alot of things today as well. one of the recent rare days that i can really make full use of the full day. (: amen to that.

2nd

failed RTT 2nd time today.
no common sense man.



i wasted the day again today.

tragic

only word to describe the game rp vs nyp is tragic.
rp played so well... they were up 1 at first half. then... 2-0 to rp. abt 10mins into 2nd half.. nyp scored... 2-1. then. 2 mins b4 whistle blow.. nyp scored again.
thus. 2-2, pushing TP down the board.
NYP's really really good in making comebacks. should watch their games. puts u at the edge of ur seat.

i tell u. this polite season is epic man. it's anybody's game. if SP is to win NYP, they'll be champs. dun want to think anymore. ):


from a petty point of view, i would just say yea.. it's the refs fault at all. even for the rp-nyp game today.. some were touch first then score. but the score was awarded. hahas. i guess when ur mind is set on smth.. there might be perceptual errors. hahas. best is to be obedient, listen to the ref. refs makes the final decision. i guess if i was in that position and if my side lines ref aren't helping, i wouldn't be able to make gd calls as well.


haiya!
i dont think the word 'disappointed' can be used to describe anyone's game...all i can say is that the girls wanted it alot and have sacrificed alot for this competition. they've done their best and i'm proud of them. i'm sure marli is too. everyone has worked so hard, together. sometimes, things are done, cannot be undone. just got to respond more positively, and then move on.
and again, the theory of wrong place wrong time can be applied. hahas. is there a proven name for this? ahhas. should just call it the marian's downright theory.



on the way there, i was talking to one of my friend.. whenever i look at the team and look back at the past. i always regret making certain decisions that causes losses. my mum always nag at me.. "u see la. always like that. think think think. then do alrdy.. regret. what for?". i dunno what she meant anyways. hahas. HAIZ.



sometimes, i dont know that is it that i want to be.
i just know that i want to enjoy myself really make gd use of my time. perhaps i'm taking things too seriously? maybe i know, just that the external environment wavers my stand. ): my self-esteem is really hindering me from performing my peak. sumpah!





on another pt, u know, it's like 2nd wk of sch and all.. looking at things, i'm actually scared that i may just turn to an introvert. hahas. ya ya. go laugh. i was sharing with amanda b4 trng that i realised that i'm becoming more weary of making friends withs guys. its like... i dont want to expand my circle of friends anymore. i dont mind girls. hahas. but towards guys, i get damn scared to make friends. like there this time.. this guy went up and did a very causual hello-whats-ur-name thing.. i was like.. hellos.. marian.. gtg. hahas. omg, i really hate them. :/ such a strong usuage of word huh.


omg. introvert SIOL.
i hope i'm not turning to any nerd-geek freak. i duno how has my past relationship has impacted my future life ahead. hahas. i may just need some counseling or even see a psychiatrist. hahas. jokes.



i think the bottom line is this,
i need to be more positive in life. i cannot be a perfectionist. i can work hard, but not strive to be a perfectionist. cheh cheh. probably take one step at a time? not a very gd idea but the safest. for now, its sunig selection for bowling.
later. it'll be find time to train with pirates. and cross all my fingers that bowling does not touch weds which is highly impossible for now. as for the rest, we'll see how.



i need God more. i feel that in times like this, i tend to want to carry everything on my shoulders. i dont want to share with anyone who wouldn't comprehend. can't believe u had the power to alter my life like that. u know, in 3 days time, it's gg to be the 3rd yr that we didnt have a proper conversation at all. hahs.

smile more marian. like really smile more.




on a lighter note, i know how to kill and cook good steam crab. hahs. went ntuc to buy a crab. $11.34 man. big one. felt like eating. AHHAH. so saw my mama shifu process of killing it. and later steamed it. HAHS. i can cook nice steam crabs alrdy.! (:






and. TMR IS RTT. i have to pass it. if not, i'll be very upset. wasted one whole month waiting alrdy. i need a bike to travel all the way to clementi man. $7 a day of bus fare is way too costly. full tank petrol is like $5. and more convenient.
okok. pray for me. may all the road wisdom sink in my head from 2-3pm tmr so that i can pass big time.

eclipse

basket set alarm at 830 to wake up and see the eclipse. then i noticed HEAVY RAIN. so i went back to slp. woke up at 10am for lecture.

6hrs of being in the lecture passed.

then trng at westwood bowl.
we bowled lines today. felt that i'm super inconsistent. need to change my inserts. too big. i dont seem to trust my shot. if i dont, alot of mistakes come in. 1st game not too bad. had 2 open frames back to back. pin 5 and pin 6-10. i hit the 10, missed the 6. from frame 1 to frame 7 was 9 or X. so should be quite happy abt that.
2nd game didn't manage to complete.. but was quite happy with it.


so. sunday is the roll offs for SUNIG! abit scared. coz like 8 games straight from 7pm onwards. sure bowl till like 12am. 1 day and that's it.




ok. gary's gg to climb mt. k this fri! whooots. summitting on a sunday morng.
so excited for him. ahhas. this is my mt. kinabalu climb back in 2008. its been a yr alrdy. i really miss that place. places that allows u to have many emotions evokes a sense of belonging huh.

marginal cost

tough luck this time mans.
both teams played well, we just lacked that little edge today.
this yr's season's like so unpredictable. drama shit.
no one know's whats gg to happen next.
but no matter what, i'm still v proud of the girls for all the improvement and hard work.

omg u know what. yh knows that i have this blog. tsk tsk.


hahas. on the way back. was chatting with tingting abt SIM and her UOL. ahhas. i regret RMIT u know. hahahs. maybe for now la. both are gd. just that UOL offers more flexible hours (choosing sch days), no more projets, exams that require 34 marks to pass.. u have like 3 months to study for exam...and its Direct Honours... 2 yrs. mine's like fixed timetable which is like 1 lesson EVERYDAY (except for wed. but i have trng then) at timings that take away the whole day.. aka. 330-630pm. then more projects that require stringent outlines, exams that u have to pass (i duno wad's the passing mark), just a degree. but its for 1.5yrs. but then again, i'd rather spend half a yr more.. then can play for SIM more. hahas. enjoy every last bit of playing for a sch.




whole day aching from ytd's running around man! so unfit now. :\



long long day tmr.

the 5 of us

so today, had touch orientation. for the new comers 5 of us only man! hahas.
only i play b4. so like damn wierd.
lucky got some of the snrs i see b4.
we played games..got one big bruised on my right knee.
felt tired man.
i miss the girls. the tpiranhas. i wonder how are they all feeling now.



ended at 830 and i reached home at 1015pm.
wed have one more session i think.. not confirmed though. but i've got another trng at cedans.


my first pair of boots ever. (: it was a gd oversized one.


oh wells. i hope this is a start of another beginning. dont want to make wrong decisions.




last night. rough night. a moth in m room. i hate creepy crawlers to fly around when i'm like gg to slp. its ok if i'm awake and not in my room. too many blindspots. ahhahs. then blackout. omg. hahas. scared max. so i slept in the hall. didn't slp till 5am!!! chicken heart.

b4 i went to slp. i was trying to be still. to communicate. THEN. i realised.... THE 40 DAY PRAY FAST IS ON GOING NOW. ): i am damn sad. i like missed the chance of doing it together with the world. either i continue from now... which i feel its abit incomplete.. or. i start next month. feel so sad. but one think i do know is that, no on told me that i'm late, but God. so i feel like.. wah. God still cares for me although He's got like billions and trillions of little individuals to watch over.



2nd wk in SIM alrdy. today's forming grps was the most epic ever in my live. ppl grping with strangers. ppl asking to join grp. ppl splitting. whooots. what a 15mins.

tmr, 830am sch. 7pm pol-ite in NP. i think i should go home first.
on an inner note, i should revisit the distinction between 'like' 'crush' 'love'. i hate all these lovey dovey feelings. maybe i'm running away. maybe i'm in denial. i just hope i know what's best for me and the ppl around me. i seriously doubt that i'm confused. just the running away part makes everything seemed like carbon dioxide in limewater. aka. chalky. aka. blurry.






u know what girl, i'm sure u do know that no matter what happens, i still love u. (:

chinatown

didn't want to go xxxxxx today. HAHS. sorry thong! hope it went well.
in the end, i was able to meet mummy sis broinlaw in chinatown for alittle bit of shopping and dinner at chinatown. i missed the whole part of the 3 of them shopping for the traditional chinese wedding stuff at chinatown. ): the red buckets.. teapot and tea cups and duno what else.

bought a waterbottle for home use. can put tea sia! hahhas.
and she bought me a transformers-spiderman toy which i was eyeing since last nov.

wanted to post some photos of old ppl watching MJ's concert at some dvd shop. hahas. i think everyone knows who's MJ now. as i was saying.. ya.. i wanted to post some pics. then then.. while using picasa, ACCIDENTALLY DELETED IT off from the SD card. cannot recover! ): i d/l some recovery progs.. managed to recover abit. so yea. dont want to post alrdy.



ok.


dear friend, i'm writing this to you because i care for you.
just to let u know, to pass u the stuff today, i quarreled with mum because today, we're supposed to go together to shop for my sis' wedding stuff. she didn't know i was meeting u btw. she scolded me that if ppl want to borrow stuff should come to my house and get it. and i guess if u know me well enough, i wont want my friends to come all the way to my place if i'm really willing to lend them my stuff. i'd rather make the effort to make things more convenient for everyone right. yea. so we quarreled and they left the house w/o me. and on the way, it started the rain. and rain heavily. i'm not gg to blame it on the rain, but i hope u do know that rain do slow things down. and, when u called me for g today, i was alrdy out of the house. that's just to show that i did leave my house early alrdy. and u do know that i stay far from u. so yes, i was 27 mins late. i dont think i want to say sorry for being late. initially, ok, i felt bad for being late coz i know the feeling of making the effort of being early to wait for someone who's unreasonably late. but because u really showed ur :/ emotions all over and also through the phone call, i decided not to apologise because i've already made all the effort. yes, u can blame me being petty, but i do want u to know smth. rmbr the time u shared with me some stuff in pengerang? yea. i rmbr telling u that in life, things do not go as planned. and the only way to make unchangeable things better is altering ur responses to it. instead of feeling negative (which does not change the outcome), be positive abt it. i'm sure u're alrdy aware of this. i came all the way down to pass u the stuff. to hear u say 'thank u' makes me feel better. i wanted to explain all these to you at the station but i guess when anyone's overwhelmed with neg emotions, explanations/arguements won't work because no one is willing to be calm enough to take a step back and be in each others shoes. yea, so pls, be slow to anger. be patient. i've tried my best and i hope u're also to.
on a lighter note. hahas. pls use it with care k! dont scratch it coz its for all my presentations and stuff. i only have 1 k! take care.
i hope u know that i mean u well and will not blog childlessly to cause emotional hurt.

SIM on sat

orientation and SMU doubles today.
didn't go for SMU doubles.
didn't for for orientation in the morng.

went after LECTURE on a sat.
BB note sucks big time.


i dont like orientaions. but towards the end... not that bad huh.
left early. like 7pm. wanted to go church.

back in church. after all the games, it still seemed that everyone ran off. ):
life's so different now.



HAIZ. damn sian.
many things i want to do.
i want to go genting, batam, bali, phuket.
i want to learnt to sail and then scuba diving.
i want my house room to have more space for my stuff and a piano.





i want to be still.

glen's 21st

had lecture for 6hr straight with 2 15mins break.
whoots.





at night was nice to have bday dinner with glen and gang. then ice3. (:
then prawning at bishan! more prawns and bigger ones this time. ahhas. we're pros alrdy. HAH.

prawning

swimming today! (:

then had awesome lunch.

then prawning with glen jeric and jasmine!
though the activity seemed fun.. it was boring if u're only able to catch ONE prawn using 2 rods within an hour.
the time spent with ppl u love is fun. (:



hahas. i thank God for today because is a day i can relax and do things.
today no sch. it seemed like a fri. but tmr.. long day!. 12-630 lect straight with 3-330pm lunch. hohos. slp well tonight man.

colourful words

today, i said the most no. of colourful words ever in a time phase of 1min.


tp vs nyp today.
i felt that the girls really really really wanted it alot.
they fought hard as a team.
and like what i've said many times, sometimes its ppl that are either at the right place, right time or, otherwise.
i dont think anyone wanted the outcome to be like that. and honestly, from where i was sitting and trying to shoot, i CLEARLY saw the down first. i am sure, that the spectators saw it as a CLEAR down first.

i guess we'll just have to respect the ref as it is and be a gd sportsman.



when the game ended, i was really... speechless.
not that NYP didn't deserve to win or what, but like... v v v wasted it. both teams wanted it. TP wanted it alot. things just keep happening. both teams kept they're 6 touches. but TP was in their danger zone most of the time and used up 6 touches to get near to their scoreline b4 they could do more.

i guess a draw would be be the most appropriate? hahs. who am i to decide anyway. but as a ref, i do know that when i doubt and if the side line ref's not sure, it's best not to make major calls but to set it up again with a roll ball. that's what i've been taught and learnt.



tp has been the defending champs for POL-ITE for 3 yrs in a row. and each time, the fight's never been easy. coach has put in alot of effort and energy, and so has the players, gearing up not just physically, but mentally.


well,
not all's over yet. do not loose hope.
anything still can happen.



ok. so on my life today, almost late for sch today coz i missed bus no. 5 (saw it leaving while getting off 87) and waited for another 25mins!


on bus no.5, though crowded, i managed to find a seat. i place my big bag on my lap and leaned forward. i dont usually do as i'd sit lower and lie back to the max. but today, i just did that.

then just infront of me, there was this guy reading a book with no pictures; just like any other boring story book that i wouldn't take notice of.
somehow, my eye got caught on a few words of the book. probably out of curiosity.. i dont know. but, i know, i dont do that in life, but today, i just did that.

the first words i saw was.. "... as some girls was shopping with their friends...." or smth like that. i thought it was just another teenage story book. then his hand moved and blocked the whole of the left page. i looked at the right page.. then i saw.. "... our Lord God love us to..." and kena blocked. i have never tried reading someone else's book but today, i just did that.


from then, i tried to read more.. and saw more words like 'God' 'faith' 'love' 'want' 'to' 'holy spirit' coming up. then i realised it not just a story book but a christian one. instantaneously, i knew that oh man! its another of God's creative ways of reaching to the lost. last time, it was someone's orientaion t-shirt. now, it's this.

then he turned to the next page. on the last part of the left page.. it was a verse. it read.. "Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to.. Romans 12.." and his hand blocked parts of the paragraphs.


so then. i turned my head away and rested on my big bag.
i gave much thought about those words while waiting for the bus to reach sch.
all i know what strucked me was... 'be constant in prayer'. and i knew i wasn't.


in lectures, i thought abt this. i was paying attention in lecture though! but when she's not talking or during discussion, i just thought abt that, and even msging my friends to help me refer to their bibles for the full verse.


so now, at home, i've just checked...


from the NIV version:

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another."


and from the ESV version:

"Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another."


so ESV was the one.
looking at it part by part, it is speaking to me with regards to the different situations that i'm facing in life now. be it self-esteem, discipline, faithfulness, dislikes and so on, it's just another chocolate bar to booast me on.



haiz.
this morng + the game + the colourful languages...
= marian's mind confused in a whirpool now.

the big go round

wa lau.

i made a stupid mistake today. trng was at chevrons today. U KNOW. it's kinda relativly near sch ok.

THEN.
instead of taking the bus OPP sch, i took the SAME SIDE. omg.
followed the right procedure of changing bus and all. and found myself at FAR EAST, 720PM.. i left sch at 645pm and though i would be like early by reaching at 730pm as trng was a 8pm.

WENT ONE BIG ROUND. sch SJI fareast holland queensway SP clementi then finally chevrons at BoonLay Way.

the most dumb thing was to pass SP at 810pm which is like 1hr 40 mins from the time i started the journey. and to SP from sch takes no more than 15mins.

ARGH.
so frustrating!



i got the information from the SBS bus service. i got in a hurry, using the sch com and not scrolling down to read the details which was to change side. and THERE'S EVEN A STRAIGHT BUS, no.52. HAIZ. technically, i'll take 20mins rather than the near 2hr.




haiz. tiring ok. the pains.
i carried my bowling ball to sch today. i'm too lazy so i only brought one. enough to kill. left the house at 645am, changed 3 bus- 87, 5, 151. fastest combination alrdy. and reach sch at 830am for a lecture that started 30mins late, 1hr into course structure and another 30mins for an intro on Market Research.


ended at 1120pm then. 4 HOURS BREAK. lesson suppose to start at 330pm but dragged till abt 345pm.


seriously. when ppl are given 3hrs, they think they have the whole time in world and take their own sweet time. then towards the end, realised no time then rush the last part. unlike TP, we utilize the 2hrs and even able to end early.

BIG WASTE OF RESOURCES PLS.





so trng today. late.
same stuff. played game. top 6 sponsored for SMU doubles. i think i did ok-ly. just that for 3 frames in a row, lost the line and couldn't pick up the spares. but i spared a 3-6-10-7 split today! (: my score weren't fantastic but was ok. i told coach that on that day, i have sch. if not i would have bowled with manda!
): so much for having ONE LECTURE ON A SATURDAY. and MUST BE THAT SAT.



haiz. i'm so filled with irritation. hahas.




oh yea. SIM is really flooded with TP ppl. everywhere i go i see TP ppl.

day one in SIM

ok. it took like 1hr to get things settled down to lecture proper.

lecture was a waste of time because we all have learnt it. she talked more on the project. i tell u.. the project is like.... fill in the blanks and put it in report format.

u know, it TP... we're just given a paragraph of instructions. that's it. then no help. go do everything urself while learning the chapters.
today, omg... she totally like spoon fed us max. like give us the outline.. then nvm. even tell us the content.. this section how many words and so on.
and give us indepth examples to how the project should be done.


omg. i dont want to be complacent man.
but this is like.. i think if any TP marketing lecturers were to sit in with us, he/she would smile at us with mutal understanding.




i miss estee joelle vonne gab and jamin.
HAIZ.



so. i bought myself a Manhattan Portage bag today. the most expensive bag i own now. its 100% waterproof, 80% of this wk's allowance plus 100% of the reminding savings i had for 2 wks.
i'm left with enough for tmr's trng with SIM. and tadah. gotta dig out money alrdy.




anyways. TP's first pol-ite game with SP today. we're like damn scared. cold sweat pls. ahhas. but on the way there, i had this feeling that they are so gg to win. i duno how, but i know they are gg to just win this.
true enough, the game was tight. but soon.. TP did they're own magic together.
i guess it really shows that u dont need v v strong individuals to win a team sport.
so what if there are club players amongst the opponent or strong individuals whom the world would want to mark.... TP proves that if the team wants to win and win it together, anything and everything is possible. (:

i am so so proud of them. so very proud.
((: coach's shiok max arh.



hahhas.



yea. today. also, MAVIS LAST NIGHT IN SINGAPORE. )):
i am so so gg to miss her. no more trng buddy, bus parter, teh halia customer. this is stage 1 of loneliness. next is deedee. then next is....



HAIZ.

eventful gym day

hahahs.
so today, i went church on a sunday after for so long.
i actually wanted to go for service. i woke up.. then like... aiya, dont want. then go back to slp.
that's like major ill-disciplined.


honestly, i went church in the end because i needed to pass some ppl some things and mroe imptly, meet dearest ulrica for super ultimate gym day. ahhas. my long lost gym partner.


so,
quite eventful. i'm actually v happy to see all the friends whom i love and those who love me lots lots. hahahs. so many happy ppl to catch up with.
then.
i realised some of the adults indeed, noticed that i've been MIA also.

then the thing is this.. i have three adults coming up to me and asking... "eh... i heard u and eveleen changing church is it? and is it to COR?".. i'm like.. WHAAOOORRAAASSS. hahahs. champion. amazing such a rumour can spread even when i'm not around.


think abt it. my roots are alrdy in church. i'm baptized, confirmed and have promised to serve this church with my heart. i just need some space for now. i need to get out for now.
anyways. i've also heard that the worship ministry has changed quite a bit. in a way, it was an outcome that i predicted/ expected since everything's like that.



btw, i dont like ppl who take up responsibilities and never live up to their promises and thus doing things halfway. period.


so anyway, back to the pt, true enough, uncle james called me to go over...talked to me abt mission. seeing the list having a long list of ppl wanting to go, i'm happy. i miss benjamin from P village. wonder how's the nose and if he's able to like talk to me alrdy! hahahs. oh man. the village i really want to go is P, M and CC. (cant say the names due to like security reasons). i heard we're gg S sch this yr also. hope the youth team is strong and have lots of ppl.


while talking to him, i noticed the 40-day prayer book beside him. i gasped.
i took one, and i did not pay $1.
every yr, this fasting thing is like a turn around for me. for some reason, i'm particularly dry towards july aug and this is the 'event' that really make me change my gear back uphill. last year and last last yr, i knew i did not complete 'the task' coz i was too distracted, giving myself too many excuses alrdy. i had the mission trips to back me up then.


this yr, i think it's gg to be special and v memorable. i have no idea what i'm gg to fast on yet. i'm still thinking seriously abt it and hope that it'll work my relationship with God big time.



yea, big time.
i pray, and i need your prayers. (:






so. gym with ulrica was excellent. GO TOA PAHYO GYM. the EnergyOne gym. BIG man.
ESTEE. I DATE u there ok. its like.. the gym is big. then the girls toliet.... 2 LEVELS MAN. level 2 is the locker room. carpeted and damn ATAS.



then then, level 1's like the jacuzzi and the steamer. the steamer is like sauna like that... super hot. ulrica and i cannot take it. hhahas. every 4 mins or so we would like open the door to breathe. ahhas. is like.. the only thing that u can sit there, nua and perspire like mad and get angsty. hahahas.


ahhas. so yea. after all the many machines.... felt damn nau after all that. weighed ourselves b4 and after... like no diff like that. hahas. should go there more often.
non SAFRA member's like $8. safra... $5.50. ex, but i think its super worth it. everything provided.. towels and hot bathing water. shiok max.



i think my right arm old injury come back. quite scary when i tried to lift some weight. haiz. also, must do more core and back strengthening!




okok.




after that, met mummy poon and sis for dinner. maybe i'm getting older or what, i like gg out with them for dinner. last time, probably still a young deliquent, i felt that dinner with friends more fun. but yea. oh wells.




SCH IS FINALLY STARTING TMR.
abit scary coz alot of things still uncertain.
but one thing's for sure, i dont think i wanna slack in this place.

bday

happy birthday dad.
u would have been a super old age of 67 today.
can't imagine.

would u still be able to hammer ur wood and all? that's damn old man.

packing

i've delicated this day to pack my room.
and i'm still not done packing.


too many things that i want to keep alrdy. just cannt think logical.




life w/o u is really incomplete.
i've learnt to let go. but. i dont like things to be left hanging.
one day, someday, both of us will regret. regret that things aren't sort out properly.
i'm just waiting for this day. another 10yrs more?

taggged

some of us went all the way to bukit batok to play this 10 + 10 mins game.
i had fun. (: hahas. i'm sure everyone did.


sometimes, i hold back blogging alot.
as i share my happy times, posting photos of who went to this, who went to that, ppl get sad coz either they aren't 'invitied' nor rejected the invitation coz they aren't free. then they go around being emo and all. so thus, it's my fault.

so, instead of blogging as freely as i can, i think b4 i blog. sometimes, i hold back simply because i care too much, sometimes i leak out my emotions with intentions of getting my voice across.




u know last night, speaking to estee over msn was the best ever. we can superly talk nonsense out of thin air even when she's kinda down and i'm kinda tired. then we just laugh all the way... just like how we used to do out side LT 21. hahas. honestly, i miss doing the projects. even though it was indeed stressful with the deadlines, e effort tgt was really all worthwhile.




at 1.30am now, i have alot gg on my mind.
sch. family. church. sports. friends. relationships.
many a times, i want the best of both worlds. so much so that i cannot seem to comprehend the word 'sacrifice' to really execute it.


ppl go through different phases in life tgt. like the decisions of choosing a sch. the season where all the fast food outlets are filled with ppl studying the same thing. now, its ppl leaving. ): i've real gd friends who have left... and more gd friends who are leaving...
auzzy is really gg to be a place for singaporeans. most of my 'away' friends are there.

her last

mavis' last trng b4 she leaves for auzzy.
last dinner.
last bus ride with truck loads of emo songs. hahas.

MJ

michael jackson has impacted the world.

right now, even CNN has live converage for FB online.
youtube and all other networks are flooded with his video streams.

it was also reported that several search engines jammed when news of MJ's death spread last wk.



imagine if MJ a who believes in God. would he have changed more lives of many?

SIM bowling

ok. so today, 1st trng.
yea, i went.

did normal drills, weight trng and stuff. ahhas. i didn't bring spare ball. played game and got 173 after not bowling for super long. so not bad. hahahhaas.


the team...
kinda better that i expected. better control. hahs. i think there's quite alot to look forward to. the guys tough competition. everyone's gd. saw super lots of familiar faces from the bowling circle. from the pol-ite.. from the nationals.. sajc ... everywhere. i like. (:


the girls.. i heard there's alrdy like 3 national bowlers and another one that's national standard. hahas. quite competitive for team 1.. but team 2 not that bad luh. i alrdy feel competitveness on day one of trng. *winks winks SIA at amandaasssss*

ahahhas.




so at the end of the day.
priorties.
this time, i can choose because i'm not under any STAR programmes or what. so yay. but there's also club touch on weds and trng might be on weds.
i guess for now, since SUNIG (sg uni games) is around the corner... focus on bowling i guess. i've got no details of touch yet.

we'll see how it goes.



but ultimately, i'll follow my heart, and do well in my studies. my God take control of my decisions. maybe not control because i dont think God likes to control his children. more of like.. may He be the center of my decisions and may it be honouring to him.



everything's like in the west. like today... BUKIT BATOK. i really need my license soon.




i am sooooooooooooooooo going to work hard.

omg. i just found out mum has a hi5 account and i dont.

AYG

SG bowlers did really well.


looking at them now... ahhas. makes me think of the past past. hahas.
when i was in sec 4, i rmbr watching darshini at the C div in TKGS. i also rmbr watching basil and hui fen in other competitions when they were much younger.. now as they grew older.. more powerful and consistent.


yea, i do miss the bowling scene where there were literally blood sweat and tears all over.




today went to swim.
then played guitar hero and friend's house till late man. ahhahas. play till slp also sia. ahhhas.


marian, NEXT WK SCH STARTS.

choices

i think i'm a very stubborn person.
or rather, reverse-stubborn.


anyways.
i didn't go church today.
neither did i go ubin to catch the race.
my friends called me out but i just decided to nua at home.
stayed at home whole day.


i just feel that i'm being very rebellious.
i'm actually free to do stuff. but since ppl say i'm always busy.. then i'm busy lor. ahhas. attitude sia. no la. i think i just dunoo what i want.



wasted this whole day.
didn't even pack my room again.
and i'm tired from nuaing.


my back is aching alot right now. ):

missing

playing on the field of TP was fun again.
missed the girls.
hah! but out of 4 games, only played like 2 halves. refeeing 1.5 games. hahahas. ok la. but i had fun!



then out with mum.
then neighbour saw us waiting for cab home. tompang us sia. damn nice neighbours. warm feeling sia. ahhahas.
then talk talk talk... talked abt dad. the aunty misses my dad.
i think i've really underestimated the impact that my dad has on the community. ahhas. we have like ppl coming to us saying... they miss our dad.. the estate like damn quiet and stuff. tsk tsk.




yea. saying saying.. and its like.. whoas. 6 yrs alrdy since i dont have a dad.
thinking through.. i really feel that 14 yrs with him is not enough. my sis had like 23 yrs with him lorrrs. 14 yrs... hmmm... i've probably known some friends for more than this no. of yr alrdy.


haiz.
imagine dad was still around.
i really think life would be different. after such a long time, i can say that i'm probably experiencing long term effect. ahhas. gd thing is.. it doesnt seem all too painful. but.. i realised that i've changed. i didn't know that i've been unknowingly / subconsciously relying on him for alot of my joyful cells. i know that when he was around, joy was everywhere. the house was warmer. mum was more logical and stuff like that.

now that he's not, i can't seem to find that X joy. it may be because of my downhill sloping relationship with God now or smth else, i dont know. all i know is that i miss him, and with him around, life would be more complete. this void is like pernament man.

marc and aaron too lost their dad recently. i guess coz they are guys, they'd probably feel a deeper sense of lost? i mean like.. if my mum was in my dad's position... (TOUCH ALL THE WOOOD IN THE WORLD), i would have been more lost, confused and alone max. yea. but any oh hows, my dad treats me as his son anyway. so does my mum. so it doesn't really matter. i do wear my dad's clothes u know. hahahahhas.





u know. the thing that can make me physically cry in public is like those warm scenes whereby the dad cares for his kid or smth. those in shopping centre kind whereby the teenage girl puts her hands around her dad's neck telling him all about sch and the dad will be like saying working is more tough and so on. tmd. i can like cry as if i'm watching a sad movie man. i guess thats my weak spot. ahhahas. tmd.
haha. loser.


i duno.
i guess i can count myself lucky in many ways. i dont think many ppl has ever felt this deep sense of lost, void and incompleteness. something that has play such a significant part in ur growing stages, u see everyday, u play with everyday... gone within a wk. just like that. and the fact that knowing that u can't get him back no matter what u do. in times like this, u feel that the word 'gone' is being used too casually. to me, 'gone' means u can never get it back ever again.


when i was young, i played with my dad alot. using my mum's curlers, tap water and heat from my mouth to curl his hair. hahas. watching the olden chinese films, i'd use pick-up-sticks to STYLE his hair sia. hahahs. mum would be the one doing the housework and all.. dad, his shifts in the SIA were.. X X Day Night. i'll never forget. sometimes work over time till 11am. then buy back A&W breakfast for me. in pri sch, mum and dad would take turns to bring me down for my sch bus at 540am.







omg. i'm not emo.
just having this very... i-miss-you phase.
erks.

non-stop

wed morng swim. evening trng.
thurs morng go pengerang, back. evening trng.
so i clocked in 69.4km today. whoots.

whooots. back to back. i like.
tired. but at least i'm not in front of the com playing bejewelled.



so today, gary jo and i went on with our plan to eat lunch.
met at 730 tamp.. reached changi abt 830. super early.





lunch was no doubt gd and worth it. i was on my knobbies and the 2 others were on slicks man. hahas. but ok la. either my leg muscle havent recover, my bike geom sucks (always the case) or simply, my leg no power and so not fit. its like.. u're neither panting nor tired. just aware that leg really damn lousy. hahas.
and. we got the last boat back.... HENG AR.


emo clouds on the way back. the waves were choopy and the ships around seemed v nice. haahahs.







i watched this preview of Michael Jackson actually. kinda missed him lors. hahas. someone who changed the music industry.




sleeepepppyyy.

westward

i left my house at 5pm. and reached NUS at 7.15pm.
late by 15mins for trng. wahs.