bah!

wah. never thought i'd really be in this all over again.




every yr i'd be waiting for ur bday, that chance to msg you.
and finally after 6 yrs, u REPLIED.
whoas i tell u. that feeling is as good as a solidpocketballstrike. (bowling term)
(:
i thank God.
and i'll be praying.




as night time flies. it's 03:45am now with a 8.30am sch tmr.
dont like to be sucha delinquent, but my well-being needs to seek some form of settlement on a day by day basis; i really wanted to blog everything out.
but somehow this time, it seems that even blogging is unable to pace down and sort out my entangled thoughts.



i never thought that i'd be so distracted by thinking of a person as this point of time.
i never like to be unfocused.
and i dont like moving with such unnecessary loads.
though i smile, i let our silly girly chuckles at times, i unwillingly look forward. i find myself looking at my horrible blackberry *hang* that doesn't *hang* seem to be a *hang* phone with data plan, diligently checking it as if it doesn't have an alert/notification system.
and honestly, i dont like having a phone. having a phone is just probably a means for me to amplify my thoughts through social means. communication because secordary and only needed if urgent or necessary.
and, i find myself, so not myself.
i dont want. its not gg anywhere.



i mean like if its a clear big no, it makes it alot easier.
now tt i may have accidentally led myself to falling into something which i find myself no rope to pull myself out of, i'm at a standstill. not struggling. but just seeking refuge, out of that minefield asap. and running out of a minefield with such speed is probably one of the stupidest thing to do.
how.





i think i'm genuinely tougher at this.
i need to give myself some credit and not just superficially believe that i'm good at it.





alas.
i've resorted to continue reading the book i borrowed from sara.
when i borrowed it and read for that past situation, it helped me. with such unexplainable debt.
i stopped reading coz i didn't feel the need to anymore. (that's like probably less than a chapter?)
and now, as i continue to read that book, somehow, it's able to very much apply to my current situation even though it's been left off from a different situation then.
i never like reading non-factual books. but this, is really a helpline for me.



i really want to hear God's voice again and His direction.
i've been too far away and ill-disciplined.
i dun want to run to Him just because i need Him.
but i want to remain faithful in Him, just like He in us.

and because of sch (in which we're not learning THAT much), i could have been up in the mountains now, being close to God. i can take it as a runaway from the worldly desires and a time to just be close to Him again. doing His work 24/7, leading a life that's so simple and pleasing unto Him.

'

mission trips are always tiring and literally physically and emotionally draining, but its always so worth it and rewarding
i miss the smiles and friendship of the villages. though we dont speak that much because of the language barrier, each time we leave the village and when they look at us with those eyes, it just makes the heart beats even warmer blood.




ugh.
its probably something i need right now.

Chpt 2- SHAECO.

hahas. let's just attribute ATTC to being my Chpt 1.
and so, 1 month of OJT in SHAECO has gone by just like that.


made many friends on the line. found out some of the ppl who crossed paths with Poon Snr.
and thank u all to those who have patiently guided us despite having those time pressures and all. thank u for the countless soybean drinks, lending me ur screwdrivers and evenbrighter torchlights, and engine/ hydraulic oil stains on my overalls. indeed, they can never be forgotten! hahas.

more importantly, thank u walking this starting path with me as i unfold the first chapter of my Aviation journey. i must say its really a good start and i want to thank God so much for this opportunity in this company especially that it's in Changi.
i mean, it could have been otherwise right.

hahas. ytd was the last morng shift and i significantly spent almost 9hrs stucked in a plane with EW.  from the bright morng sun till the evening setting sun. with #nolunch, #nodinner, food ration running low, almost zero drinking water supply, and warm air blowing. but still bearable at least with good company! (: hahas.
ahhaas. abt 12.40pm, got there, did some daily, fixed some lighting probs and started on some painstaking, patience-testing B2 avionics task. basically, its just the transferring of software from the many floppy disk to the plane's computer. there was some software incompatibility with the navigation database which caused the flight to delay once, almost twice before it was decided on the planes to be swopped.


from there i've really learnt that one small problem can have severe implications.
and its really not just a ok-good-to-know-from-the-textbook thing.



just one delay and 1 phonecall, jobs gotta be rotated. plans gotta change. decisions to be made.
i could see the implications visually. like the different security guard coming on at the different times, the re-fulling tank that came and went, ground handling staff coming in and out, cleaners in and out, and i haven't mentioned the passengers. each of them got their own arrangements to be accounted for. perhaps meeting with ppl at their respective destination airport, missing out performances/ dinner dates/ events... etc.. perhaps even loosing a business deal or a another planned en route transportation.  everything, could just go haywire-ly wrong because of a small problem.




at the airside, i'm probably exposed to the different systems that are constantly in operation to keep the planes flying, the passengers coming and money rollin'. definitely a profitable business but also along with the demand for high maintenance practices and severely mandatory safety requirements.
people have to work hard.
and ppl have to work hard, for the money. some do it for pride. some do it for passion. some do it for self-fufillment.... and some do it coz they dont really have a choice.


as i go to work every shift, i dont just carry out my OJT requirements, or fulfill some required skill-based requirements. making the best of our every opportunity becomes secondary after i realized that i was starting to really enjoy myself at work. i rmbr talking with different ppl, with different hierarchy in the industry, backgrounds and past experiences in different companies and from different walks of life. as constant and mundane the controlled industry may seem, different ppl have different views and advices for me. hahas. i take in everyone of time and determine my own weight management. they probably have their own set of values or experiences which have crafted who they are today; so i guess, every piece of advice is valuable to me. and the fact that they bother to explain so much to girl who's just gg to be in the company for a month only.

be it technicians or engineers as how these terms can be used so interchangeably in a textbook setting, i really think that both ppl group-set should posses certain similar qualities. the biggest quality i feel is being responsible and yet humble. humble towards technology and respect for its roots i guess. hahas.
i.e we shouldn't assume anything because we think we are competent.
being detailed and meticulous may not be an easy thing for everybody to practice but i guess with a mindset that we're dealing with lives that are up in the air with an airplane that we've got our hands on as their only safety buoy, safety standards can be well maintained right.


i mean i've seen the way how some technicians and engineers carry out the tasks. i can't really comment much coz 1) they have probably inhaled more hydraulic fumes than i've inhaled helium, 2) my level of practical technical+life experience combined is probably less than a stage 1 of their whole skill-set.
but definitely, it's pretty much obvious when one really enjoys his job vs one who does it for the money.



hahas. teamwork.
as cliche as it may sound and seemingly more important in a Business setting, i think its definitely more crucial in an Engineering setitng. to generalize it, in Business, if everyone can't work together, the tasks either takes a longer time to complete and worst case: loss of money. but in Aviation, if ppl choose not to work together, primarily, there will be loss of money. and especially with such negativity in the air, mistakes become so easily committed. and minor mistakes may lead to, as u know it, severe disastrous outcomes. simply put it, maybe like a screwdriver may be unknowingly dropped somewhere which cause some mechanics to fail in the air or smth (landing gear can't be deployed and so on.)
for me, i really witnessed the importance mostly during the night of Engine change together with manpower deployment / especially when there's a shortage of staff for a shift. i dont think i wanna elaborate here. all i can say that if everyone covers everyone's ass, together, things can really be done swiftly and steadily with that unspoken assurance.

and especially if the elements of Mother Nature aren't so friendly and kind with us, we need the support and understanding of friends or at least people u're working with right. so everything becomes more bearble, allowing to ride on the winds and sail through the storm.

ahas. i mean i can really go on with what i've learnt and realized throughout just this 1 month of OJT and how it has intensified my passion for fixing things, especially aircrafts.
and like how one engineer has inspired me... how his passion towards aeroplanes grew when it really initially started out as by chance/ didnt have a choice... hahas. and as he learned more about the planes, the realization that an airplane is actually a self-sustainting machine in flight that can not only manages herself, but also creates her own environment.

its probably something humans are not even capable of.

roughly, i've got a mental makeup of the kind of engineer i want to strive for and work towards to. as straightforward as it may sound, but may the forces from external pressure, be it necessary or uncessary, not sway the goal i have in mind. hahas. it may perhaps be altered, but hopefully, for the better. and i should be focused on taking one step at a time.
and i believe with God's guidance, i'm able to do so even if the path may be patience-testing, alone, long and winding and even build tenacity out of it.





as aviation aims to be a perfectionistic zero error industry because error would mean that Man hasn't invented vehicles that kill more people than how it should serve its purpose; certainly, there are the differences. maybe not such a big deviation since the system would probably have room for us humans to let our humanly way run in coz after all, we're not machines. i guess to me, every personnel allowed to the airside should at least encompass the most basic level or responsibility and abit of initiative. this way, everyone can play a part in ensuring the safety and confidence of all passengers right.




and so,
and to end off with a photo with my man.

i'm sure he'll be proud of me.

re.mark.able

hahas. finally its not gg to be a post on aviation.
(hear sighs of relieve. hahas)


finally a free wkend with no shift-work that eats up the wkends.
went out with the Poons and walk downtown to soak up the pre-Christmas-havent-finished lightings.
quite chillax i must say.
came home at 1.30 am when mother poon finally rmbrs that i've got morng shift tmr.
blogging now as i'm waiting for my long hair to dry. :/ miss my short hair. (save water. save time)

thank God for sucha lepak time anyways.
played with all the testers at orchard ION. ahhas.
pretty sure that the salesgirl was confident that i wasn't gg to buy anything anyways. hahahs.

such getaway time with ppl who u can just be urself is just so... valuable. 

and i realize, i do miss my girlfriends alot. it has probably been years that we hung out to do nothing and just waste the day away. this yr, apart from the awesome bangkok trip, we didn't really hang out. even if we did, it had a purpose- someone needed to get something / to watch a movie or smth. back in those secondary sch days when all of us didn't have much commitments, responsibilities, priorities and their respective plusOne,  after Sunday Service, it was just gg down to town to lepak. 

that's all part of growing-up i suppose.

growing up.

idk but sometimes, i feel that my mental mindset may be backtracking. 

its always the heart vs the mind.

when i was younger, i rmbr being more independent, practiced more self-control, discipline and that sufficient amount of confidence to get by each day with such positive attitude. i.e, a more focused mind.

as i start to think that i'm maturing in my thoughts since its only logical to believe it's that way since we're all numerically increasing in our no. of yrs present on Earth and collecting experiences as well, i tend to start getting tangled in my own situations; or rather, tangle them up by myself.

perhaps, we tend to get exposed to more outlets for pillars and reliance and we start to allow ourselves to slack away, knowing that there're always safety buoys around. 

how to be brave

how can i love when i'm afraid.

- A Thousand Years, Christina Perri 

(a song that just came up on iTunes on shuffle mode while i'm typing away)

maybe it was all because of you.

we probably shouldn't even have started since we're all still pretty young in those days.

in my growing years, u've taught me how to rely and depend.  that's a nice way to put it.

its more like, u've robbed me of my independence and confidence. 

and still, i can't believe i'm so forgiving. hahas. yup, u've taught me how to forgive, but never forget.

funny how pleasant memories can cause that much of unspoken ache.

and now, i find myself so.... can't really find the most appropriate word to describe.

but definitely, its not how i want to lead my life.

and i dont think its making my God a happier friend.

some words spoken can be ignored, but once poured out, its like crushed paper, which can never be totally straighten again. its like an addictive. knowing that u shouldn't, but u still go ahead with it anyways since it brings much comfort to the battered heart.

i hope that i start syncing my mind and heart again. it doesnt make sense justify anything if i allow any one of them to take control right. 

hahas. the night does strange things to us. #proven.

haiz.

when the sun goes down, we should all be sleeping well.

re.mark.able

hahas. the word just came up when i saw that empty box for the blog title.

how we do re-mark ourselves. what's really our mark to make us remarkable beings.

who defines it. what defines it. how do we really want to define it. 

what's our ability to fully execute it right through to its genuine meaning. 

are we really able to?

and the song u gave me over the phone just came up. 

gosh. what's with iTunes tonight. has it become a sensor?!

need to be so zhun anot. 

Blind - Lifehouse

I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless as he turned around to leave
And still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like it was before
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

After all this why
Would you ever wanna leave it
Maybe you could not believe it
That my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you will ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

dont u just love Shuffle Mode.

we find ourselves

hahas. its been almost a wk.
it hasnt been kind.

so in this gap, i've got summons, money stolen from my wallet, cat/bird shit, sprained my finger.... etc. i can't really keep track or rmbr anything now since everything is  becoming so... routined.
and so, as how it goes, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger right. i dun think i'm becoming stronger... maybe more numbed to the surprises with whatever Mother Nature throws me. good thing i'm not complaining much anymore, but i need to start giving thanks again and really encompass the total value of what it truly means by 'praising You in the storm'; coz u know, God gives His toughest battles to His strongest soldiers. ayeseh. steady pom pee pee.

amongst all the cycles, this cycle's probably the one that stretched me abit. not so much because of what i do in work itself, but how i'm robbed of my sleeping time. i rmbr tweeting on the morng of 21st nov that i haven't gotten sleeep since 19th nov; 2 night shifts in a row. ahhas. that's probably about 52 hrs of awake-time, with 3 hours of collective sleep. #shiftwork.
so i've spent 20th Nov very much awake.
that's the day of my father's 9th yr anniversary. 9 yrs later the moment where he physically departed the world at around 5.45am, i was living in what he spent 70% of his lifetime. i felt that it was quite a significant moment but whatever. hahas. i'm sure he's proud to know that he eventually has a son like me, just that regretting he had to leave too early and miss the chance of being my personal shifu. hahas.

the last 2 night shifts were mad.
so many tasks on hand with so few manpower.
vs
the previous 2 morng shifts.
so free till i've spent about 90% of my time in the office trying spend my time more productively by looking up the AMMS, google, wiki, wherever/ whatever info on aviation i can get from.
talk about line maintenance man.

there's another engine change which took up most of the manhours. and hardwork. pure, sheer, brutal physical strength i tell you. apart from the avoidable errors and faulty (manpower-saving) equipments, i feel so proud of the technicians who fitted the CNA and IDG back into the engine. ok, in layman's term: 2 bloody heavy metallic components that probably weigh no less than 60kg. and i really mean bloody. hahahs.
while ravin (the bodybuilder- u'll find out that this is a very crucial piece of info) was trying to tighten the bolt, he accidentally slipped and he elbowed shane's nose. hahas. shane's nose bled. and the best part- the torque value shouldn't be that high anyways. and while all the work was happening, ravin's ass got burned by hydraulic fluid because i think it seeped through the overalls into his ass when he was on the ground. and in the dark, even though i'd be trying to practice situational awareness diligently, i've hit my head on the edge of the engine cowling while standing up. it was quite hard that my eyes were watery from the impact. managable, but there's a significant bump on my head now. hahas.
someone's toolbox got rammed over by the tractor.
bolt from the engine got sheered.
miscommunications and tests of one's patience. hahas.
ppl throwing vulgarities at each other during those heated work moments, but soon to be shaking hands over coffee in the pantry.

i mean like, 'the inevitable error of human', 'murphy's law', whatever that can be visually found in our M09 notes just seem to be orchestrating the whole thing. avoidable, not an excuse, but in those conditions, incidents really happen. i believe tt i'm quite well-versed with problem solving skills in ambiguous situations all thanks to TP' Marketing's PBL scheme (hahas, even trained to find our own problem to solve the own problem). and i believe there's always the most ideal solution to a problem.
assessment. judgement. with that bit of luck.
and if some routes are by-passed, u'll be sure to get ur solutions bypassed as well.
whatever la. wait till i'm working in the industry for 10 yrs then say right.


but really, a good job well done to the guys that night.

a view from the small circle window of the cabin door,

making it look like a shot form the pinhole film camera. 

"cleaning the cockpit windows in the dark w/o a harness" #YOLO.

hahas. no la, its safe (i guess).

and so, situations reveal people. people's fallacies or rather, the ability to find that mental route and sail through, riding on the strong winds. just these 2 nights alone, i must say that i've seen quite a few displays, both good and not so good. i'm probably in no position to really have any judgement in how things can be better/ how ppl can react in a more professional positive way, but when the shit comes, the shit comes. we can't really change it. the only variable control is just ourselves and how we want ourselves to be.

i just find aviation just rewarding.
at the vast airside, sunrise/ sunset makes everything more crisped and golden.
especially after a long night of hardwork, the morng sky seems so comforting.
and with shiny fleets reflecting the warm artifical lighting at night or the morng sunshine, everything gives u that sense of appreciation. that kind of space. that kind of control. that kind of pride. everything all so humbling.
even with the rain, spirits can not be that dampened.
hearing the planes roar up and soar across the skies, u go into self-praise mode, reminding urself that your fingerprints are on the structure of the plane that's battling out the harsh environmental condition. on top of that, i seem to share a closer bond with the physical surroundings as well; starting to feel for everything. ahhas. idk if its a good or bad thing.

well,
i dont think i've very proud of myself though.
these 2 night shifts have also really revealed even more clearly the limitations of being a girl.
the physical limitation. and that illusive self-built or people-placed mental walls around.
i mean like, i play rugby, i go to the gym and all, but there are certain simple things that's just beyond my physical capabilities. i.e, breaking the simple torque of a bolt, or at least provide some form of strength in lifting those heavy components. hahas. not to mention, failing to reach the refuelling panel of an A330 - even standing on the chocks/ jumping to reach for the switches are futile. (while others just have to stand, and reach up. keyword: stand.)

either that or the aviation industry should just have more female so things get neutralized.
idk but, maybe its not just i'm a trainee, but because of the fact i'm a girl, that i dont / cant get to carry out certain tasks. i know that eventually, i'll be working up towards an engineer where i've got my technicians to help me perform some tasks. but ultimately, i feel that i must be able to do them myself right. what if i'm caught in a situation where its just me and my shadow when time pressures are not too friendly. i mean there's always a way out, but y not the more convenient way i should say right.
how now mr. brown cow.

hahas. this should give me a more useful and practical reason / goal for working out harder in the gym right. hahas.
after seeing so many different kinds of working styles of different engineers, i roughly do have my own ideal set of work ethics that i would want to adhere to. i believe that in trying situations, its these set of personal intrinsic principles and values that sets us apart, weighing up to the most significant impact on the outcome of the situation.


and also, my perception of the value of teamwork totally shot up overnight.
the word 'teamwork' has been used too oftenly, too interchangeably with other similar words, with its meaning being so diluted and undermined.
sometimes its really like pure teamwork to the bone that makes a very challenging task much more simplified. this can be in terms of not just physical output, but also of the mental load as well. knowing one another's time and space, covering our weaknesses with other's strengths, simple encouragements..... it all lightens up the atmosphere. most business textbooks would call it- "improving the cohesiveness of the team which would in turn, increase job productivity, satisfaction and eventually ROI"
Return of Investments.
hahas. i haven't really forgotten what i've painstakingly studied in the whole Business framework ya. i believe tt there are good lifelong skills underlying those scheming business tactics though. hahas.

well, the path ahead is still long.

clouded, but yet clear.

looking forward and occasionally looking back in appreciate for what is to come.

thank u all who have been part of this journey with me. be it annoying me, using me, guiding me or just standing around me with no significant amount of impact, thank you. (: 

Sparks on Sparky

(ok. this is gg to be along post. warn u first.)

ok. for the record, i had my most dramatic bike accident ytd.
it was, again, self-skid. but this time abit more scary to me.

ok, the setting was: rain, all wet and slippery.
the big rain ended, leaving just little droplets of residual rain.
finished a day of work at popeye and off to town via ECP. was contemplating if i should wear my full raincoat since it seemed like the rain was gg to ceased. since the clouds were still dark and threatening, just wear lor. (big difference)

wait. before that, i must say, while working today, i kenna high speed birdshit.
idk if it's a foreshadowing thing, murphy law's at full force, Mother natures way of signalling out to me to the day's events or what, but it was gross. it was splattered on my visor, neck and chest. i could taste some of the bits on my lips.
i mean like, what are the odds of 2 moving objects, one heading down, one heading across,  colliding with each other. at perfect time. 4D also not so zhun.
this pic was taken after i cleaned some of the bits off my neck and mouth. as much as i love photography and documenting my days in images, the fact that bird shit on my skin was not tolerable for that few more moments to capture the whole scale destruction of it. hahas.

so from bedok gg in ECP, there's this down-slopping. bend.
ok wait. i must say this first: i haven never taken safety for granted. it was raining. the road was wet. and a white car was tailgating me at 60km/h on a bend. of course i would want to ignore it. but of course, i didn't want do anything encouraging/discouraging like speeding up or slowing down. it was neither wise to change lane on such a bend as well right.

so as i was cruising down, i was sure to ensure that i was executing some form of right technique; no braking on bends, ensuring that gears are engaged by throttle, not giving in the tendency to half clutch... etc.


THEN.


it on the 2 lane right bend down.
first, i felt the back wheel skidded.
it felt like there wasn't enough traction. was weird coz i was really extra careful.
that's when my heart locked and i knew it was a point of no return. "embrace for contact"- as what my coach always warn us before a big hit.

true enough, the skidd threw my bike off its line. soon enough, i found my vision in a haywire.
probably the adrenaline for fight or flight was already set to on, so my world came to a melt down and honestly, i surprisingly felt that i was in total control though everything else was spinning, literally. ahhahas. i fell hard to the left of my shoulder and knee and to find myself detached from sparky.
as i tumbled down, it was flashes of scenes of sparky, the on-coming car, the road, my body, my visor, in out in out in out. i saw sparky emitting out sparks. ok, technically, it was just the product of scratching metal, but it pains me to see sparky in that position. and wrt the on-coming car, my heart was screaming brakebrakebrakebrake. i mean i heard the car jamm brake, but it was still coming towards me yea. while all these was happening, i was still tumbling down the gentle slope, with sparky skiing down on the right lane and with the on-coming white car towards me on the inner lane. i was actually thinking of the traffic conditions, like how i can help to usher the car away or smth.
i wanted to also stop tumbling down coz i was getting further away from sparky, but it also means that i'm getting away from the car. and besides, it wasn't a good idea to forcefully go against Newton's law in all directions; so i just followed the flow of gravity, executing out's the years of contact rugby trng of tucking in and stuff like that to protect ur core, head and stuff.

soon, i came to a stop and it was a photo-finish i would say. just as how i would quickly get back up to my feet in a rugby game after involving in a ruck, i hurried up back the slope.
i was still, relatively clear and cool headed. everything felt like a... eccentric routine.

i looked at the car who tail-gated me. it was 2 indian drivers. and they quickly changed lane and scooted off. since i'm not a vengeful person, it wasn't part of my subconscious reaction to mentally note down their car plate no.

ok.



so, it was me, and a fallen Yamaha Spark, on the very wet ground.
sparky skidded to the inner lane with me, in a good way, coz at least i didnt jamm up the 2 lanes.

i tried to lift sparky up but because it was so slippery, i had to put in alot more effort.
and it was also on a slope, against gravity.
literally against all odds. ahhahs

cars went by.
sparky was facing in the opposite direction. it was so slippery and all that i could really manually push the bike to a position where i could carry on. ok. my mind then came up with too many solutions which became a problem coz i couldnt really decide on anything smart. hahas
finally, this guy stopped. he came out. and helped me to just hold the bike up while i get back up on sparky to set the gear back into position to start the bike up once again. i felt very light though.

ok, it was truly a miracle that sparky understood the whole situation and was cooperative.
it only just took 2 kick starts, and the engine was up and running.
previously when i skidded during work at the zebra crossing of a slip-road about 2 yrs back, sparky couldn't start at all and the handle bar was all offset. this time, sparky seemed more resilient though the impact was far greater.

the kind driver asked me if i was ok and need to stop by to rest.
he wanted to accompany me by the side of the road with his car all there to compose myself.
though i felt that everything was in control i think my face was otherwise if not he wouldn't be so concerned. but anyway, i declined him with a heartfelt grateful thanks and a warm smile. i mean like, it was raining and all, and he was getting wet in the ever so graceful, deceivingly harmless and merciless rain by the min.


soon enough, i was back on track.
as i rode down ecp, i realize my whole-being was at a standstill
my heart rate was slowing down and was absorbing the fact that i had another bike accident.
that's like 2 in 3 wks! and probably my 3rd one in the 2 yrs of my riding.
pain was starting to kick in. and i started to fear (idk what). its just probably logical that i should be feeling scared.
was keeping at a constant 80km/h on the last lane, hoping to find an ideal spot to access the damages to myself and sparky. so after about 3km, i found the shelter under the bridge.



i really wanna thank God coz i got away with very minor abrasions.
all thanks to my better $55 Arai raincoat and pants. i'm damn sad coz now they've got about 5-6 holes.
hahas. but thank God i wasn't wearing my $192 (with a 40% discount) NorthFace wind-rain jacket. coz i would cause massive damage to it and needless to say, my skin beneath it.
and i was all the more sad coz Sparky took a beating coz of me. the exhaust guard was badly scratched and other parts of the bike had scratches.

shaken. but managable.
really fortunate to get away with such abrasions. usually i know its alot worse and painful. i know i'm thick-skinned with a very efficient angel over me. (:

after proceeding on the day's plans, i think i was alittle bit more restless than usual.
riding back was just... idk how to describe.
but for sure, at every turn now, i've got that fear. butterflies start fluttering in my stomach. i'd be un-willingly dropping the gear to a pathetic gear 1 and then at almost instantly back up to gear 2.
sigh.
the previous self-skid accident took me a few wks. idk how long this one would take me.




so when ppl tell u 'ride safe', do not take it for granted
and pls execute it to the best of ur ability.

and so today morng when i woke up, i felt the damage. hahahs.

shoulder, neck and knee were aching!

actually it's not as bad as recovering in the morng from a full day of 7s game. hahahhas.

but all those abrasions had bruises over it. something different. 

so i guess the mild abrasion weren't caused by my skin brushing over the road, but by sheer impact force. ya and for today, it was like a day of discovery for bruises all over me. :/ feelin' likka rugged man now. hahahahs.

i had trng today.
trng today was fun to an extent. hahas. Wing modified all the fitness. still as tiring, no, infact, more tiring, but was fun! that includes having army-like trng of running down 4 flights of stairs to make a u-turn to run back up, powering through 4 waist-leveled walls on the run. and literally moving through the ladders with push-ups. hahahhahs.
i did enjoy it.
except the fact that especially for today, my open wounded knee had to be in contact with the mildly red-studded track with my weight.
i think if we video-ed today's trng and put it into a movie-trailer-like clip, it'll make us look like we're damn fit. ahhahs.

oh yes. and i think i've sprained my finger. so as i'm typing all these now, its done w/o my left index and middle finger. hahas. so during trng, moments after the hit when the whole finger was just in pain like mad, i really couldn't decipher what pain was it. was it from the abrasion, the bruise, the sprain itself? ahhas. so following standard protocol, i just iced everything.
somemore last night EW helped me adjust my clutch lever- the amount of grip needed to the biting point to be slightly further.
hahas. seriously, i feel so wounded. BUT, unbeaten.
ayeseh.
hahahahahas. *inserts those iphone handsclapping emoji*


skin too thick alrdy.

OK. moving on to the last 2 night shifts of work, i mean, what can i say.
its aviation and i'm still amazed daily. hahas. honestly, i'm still very intrigued by the fact that a shitload of bonded mental can bring up 400 over ppl across 9402984302983km.
and for line maintenance, one day u're so free #likkaboss, and the next day, u're too busy to do anything. M09- Human Factor is indeed a module to not be neglected especially when Murphy's Law can be at its full force.



and and and, i communicated with a super chio, hot, pretty airasia pilot from thailand.
the task at hand was refuelling.
so when i had to finalize the fuel figure with her, it was my opportunity to show off my thai-language skills. hahahas. we conversed for less than 20 sec, but it was enough to make my night.
her smile is really damn sweet. so charismatic. too young and too pretty.
ok wait, before u think i'm damn lustful, wait till u see her. ahhas. then u'll know what i mean.
(:

and on one cold, tired and lonely night, i got out of the office/ fridge. 

i went out to just sit and stare at the A380 that just landed.

it was quite peaceful though alot of things were gg on; like the food/luggage/ppl gg in and out of the plane, etc. i took out my ODJ and did some of my quiet time. and to my surprise, it was about refueling. hahahs! how apt. and i was just staring at a big plane infront of me. 

its too amazing how God speaks to me like that though i'm not consistent with my quiet moments with Him. to sum it up, the take-away from the devotion was about asking ourselves, where do we get our sources of strength from. 

i thank God for that beautiful time spent. (:

hahas before i know it, the next morng, i was up on the horizontal stabilizers with EW trying to fix a faulty light.

ahhas. then one of the nights, we changed an engine.
ok, not really. it took the guys 2am-830am to just 'release' the engine out from the plane and put it on a cradle. so thats like probably part 1 of the many more problems tasks to come. the rest is just hand over to the next team of guys on the next shift to take over.

 

ok.

so through all these, really get to see different kinds of ppl, different kinds of work rate, different kinds of standards and expectations.
i'd probably write more of my thoughts on this on the next few posts coz there's really alot to say. but best is when i've completed my OJT and out of the company first. but dun get me wrong! i really enjoy myself with all the friendly and helpful technicians and engineers around. (: probably 73184014301 times more helpful than my classmates. period.



that night, i was abit ugh.
wanted to blog about the details but then again, complaining about ppl's negativity is not gg to help anything if he doesn't want to bother to realize anything. but i have to say this, i dont like dishonest ppl. i mean like, u come work late, leave early, nvm. i'm talking about leaving a few hours earlier before the shift ends. and u sign out as the normal time. nvm. never come, also sign as present.
honestly, nobody cares our existence in the company coz with or without us, still the same. infact, w/o us, work would be much better for them, w/o having to give them extra workload of looking out for us and stuff like that. wheres all the integrity or more appropriately, responsibility. nvm.
BUT.  it irritates me more when on one particular day when u come early, u sign in the earlier time. for fck what?
seriouslyy.

and along with that, i hear girly complaints from u, guys.
u want to say dont say infront of me la. since u guys know i how anal and all, pls do me a favour la.
i'm not trying to say i'm the best or what. i'm also tired and its not that i dont want to complain out loud but hello, whos really doing all the work? its not us u know.
ANYWAYS.
the next morng, it was a PUBLIC HOLIDAY.
reached home, felt the need to GO FOR A MORNG JOG. not a typical thing that i'd do. the last self-initiated morng jog i had was probably......hmm. ok. i dun rmbr. i dun even think it's this year. or even the last year. ahhas. what more after a close to 13hr full night shift.

took it slow.
ran to bedok reservior and also did all the static exercises and fiddled with the stuff at the fitness corner.
was quite enjoyable.
and i was looking at 2 old school swings. (those metal chains with flat rubber seats). i very much wanted to sit there and swing all morng. but since the kids were hogging it so happily, just let them be. HAHA. but i saw a father pushing the daughter on the swing, and i was reminded of my mr. poon, how he does the same action to me when i was a happy little girl.

i mean like the concoction of that visual inferences, with a not so good night shift in the airport leaving me bad mood,  along with residual grease on my fingernails, it basically became pieces of my dad down memory lane.
i truly miss him.

really.


speaking of which, i've got a feeling that all his colleagues took my dad's working tool box; probably divided them amongst themselves, leaving me with none since i was still an IJ convent girl back then. hahas.


father and daughter working on a plane together. imagine that.
gg to work tgt. coming home tgt.
its probably something that i can never ever experience that anymore.
okok. we gain some, we loose some.

 

and so, as mentioned, so physically battered and bruised over these few days.

not to mention, a $8 summon from fatimah today. i mean like, pls, keepitcoming man. just let it roll.

-

i think i'm physically getting used to the physical beatings from mother nature.

and i think emotionally, i'm getting quite drained. totally feeling the weight of the all too over-used, taken for granted phrase of 'sorry for the inconvenience cause'. hence, i'm starting to make decisions, or rather carry out actions that i think i shouldn't really be doing knowing of its consequences.

i dont think its a good thing, neither is it a bad thing. its probably beyond justification for the faint heart. but they all do have the consequences which one day we have to bear no matter the reasons we give ourselves. its always the clarity of the mind vs the strength of the heart.

it may be comforting; to an extent, pleasurable but i guess i'm forcing myself to succumb to my frail independence, in which, self-control has to be weighed even more.

perhaps i'm just in denial, escapism or sheer cruelty.

idk and i probably fear finding out. but again i dont think i'm running away from reality. 

its a different thing altogether, to me that is.

what defines.

hahas.

and to you, i guess u know who u are and i'm pretty sure that u'd be reading this. (nv been so confident about anyone reading this post though! hahas)

thank you.

thank u not just for helping with my bike that night, but thank u for all the technical guidance and as how u'd called it, my welfare in that line and stuff. u've probably a significant role to play in my decision-making for my future career path.

and yes, thank u for that few hours. (:

calling it a 'getaway' for me from that terribly long day would be an understatement, but it was more of letting my other decaying side fall through and allowing u to mentally hold me steady again.

not that i want to admit it, but true enough, the night does strange things to us. 

yea.

and so.. that's probably about 2932 words read. 

and probably 390284029082752 more left unsaid, all tangled, knotted and i give up.

vomiting out all here is like a way for me to reboot system and clear all the defects, set it back to factory setting. 

TGIF for tmr!

and then its burning the wkends full out with 2 full morng 12 shifts.

thats the major downside of shift work.

majorly burning my wkends like that!