ambulance

while making that 2nd last turn home tonight, i saw an ambulance at the void deck.

and all of a sudden, i felt a huge wave of grief.
all of a sudden, it felt like a scene back in 2004, when my dad last left our home for the hospital in that same looking ambulance.

it was weird. coz it was all too sudden.
likka damn sad kinda thing.



i really miss my dad.
dammit.
its like we can never ever have a full family dinner or photo. there will always be that empty seat in perfect 4 table setting.
i really dont like it. and there's really nothing i can do abt it.




and tonight, i'm missing you, yet again.
what's new right.


idk y, but i've been on an emo streak.
i can't stand my girly thoughts. totally no strongholds.
ugh.


i'm honestly beginning to think that missing u is just a habit of my heart.
i just need to let go of that habit. we've not spoken properly in 5 yrs now, and i dont see what's worth hanging on to.
come on marian. come on God. i believe everything in ur time.. but this. this is too long alrdy ya.




i'm at a point where i dont complain abt life being unfair.


take it all in. look ahead.