crossroads

and the irony is, the title of the last post was 'back on'. hahas.


i'm at the crossroads.
so many options of jobs.
i want to be a fire fighter. but i know the limitations. ):
so, paramedic.
and long term engineer/ technician.
and probably a mid-term insurance agent,
currently mac rider/ photographer/ web updater or whatever.


hahahs. i do have an idea, but not a crystal clear one.
and the best part, i'm not struggling with it.
no, for real. ahhas. i'm quite (:



i've been spending almost the whole dec/jan at home, bumming my life away. since life is so chillax, reading/replying emails becomes tough tasks. HAHA. i'm DONE with packing my room ( i know i've said this b4, but i just wanna highlight it again can). ahhas. but, the last lap.. my CLOSET. i've got tons of trng shirts, and a handful (literally) of cool gg out clothes. hahas.
i'm trying to do it tmr, but i guess i'd be procrastinating it. right now, i'm just trying to clear out some old empty boxes from the electronics that i've bought in the past, kinda not wanting to throw them away (idk for what, since theres really ZERO sentimental value in those). hahahs.

oh wells.


i just dont really like my sloppy sleep-at-5am-wake-up-at-1pm lifestyle. random trngs at night keeps me more or less sane, and more alive. hahas. totally not living a life that i was once living; stressful busy hectic but fulfilling lifestye.. a was.


ok.
but i'm like at the divider of my life right now, sorting things out literally. i've been tidying my songs, playlists, photos, hard and soft copies of things. needa do up my resume and stuff as well! i really wanna get into to the working life w/o having to think abt having time out to sort all these out.


so today.
since i was so darn bored (sorry all u students and workoholics out there, let me just blabb my free life here for a few moments ya. ahahas), i took out the journal that was once dedicated to you my ex-boyfriend to read. hahhas.
and i actually realized that i was really into in. not that i didn't know, but i think i've underestimated the depth of it. the posts are dated like 4-5 yrs ago, but i think my thoughts were quite focused and serious on building that relationship to an extent that it hurt the whole process i guess. hahas
while reading it, i did learnt out a few mistakes which made me have a thought process of writing to u and send a bike mail to your house, surprising u with a letter in ur mailbox w/o a stamp on it. how nice right. but TAEEEEHH. NO. maybe like 20 yrs later when we're all happily married and thinking that our thinking as a 16-22 yr old are just junk. hah.
but ok la. still very amazed by how passionate and crazy over a guy i can ever become. honestly, i dun think i can ever be as crazy over someone in the future. kinda quite certain abt it. yea, maybe i'm just biased now coz i've haven't met my mr. right now.
but seriously, who cares? hahas. i dun really care abt this right now though. i mean like, my sis' already married out. just left me, my mum and i. and if i were to get married.. my mum how. i know for sure, mum would want to see me get all happily married and all.. but i guess i still very much wanna be sheltered under her wing and make her angry to keep her alive and sane after all. if let say, one day i become that ideal perfect little daughter whereby i go "yes mum, i love u mum" all day, i doubt she'll get used to it. it may just make her go crazy or smth.
just fyi, i'm more of a "han-na, squint at the ipad whole day, eye sure spoil.. wear specs lah" daughter at home if u didn't know. (directly translated from the previous phrase). ahhahas. not that all angelic on the front ya. just deep inside.


but yup, i still do think abt you. not very much affectionately.. but just concerned for ur well-being/ spiritual health and stuff since u're in the army and slogging ur life out in mud and overseas trng. idk if its just a habit or am i still very much concerned for u as a friend despite what you've done to me what happened between us. but..... i'm still glad to say i'm over you (pretty sure as i can be).
just perhaps, the dates all cling onto me.. like since valentine's day is coming. and in the following month, it'll kinda be our 6 yrs anniversary if we're still working on it.... so i guess that's why memories starts energizing my lifeless neurons.



HAH.
GLAD I'M OVER THAT PHASE.



so. its the start of RUGBY and TOUCH season this wkend.
ironically, i'm not playing both but instead, starting it off with the 8k Safari Zoo run. ahhhas. my team's not playing in this wk's contact game and my team's the bye game for this wk's touch league respectively. hahahs. how timely rights! the ankle's healing up (after all the effort i've put in), still not that stable and pain-free, but i'm back to runnning, not sprinting at top speed though.
i'm probably looking at jogging the first 3k and walking out the rest. ahhas. since its gg to be around the zoo/ safari, i'd rather be walking and snapping photos on the way! (: hahas. 1, i can save my ankle. 2, i can get awesome zoo photos w/o having to pay admission fees. (:




why i'm blogging so much now is coz 1) i'm sorting out my itunes library. 2) i dun wanna overcharge my laptop. hahahs.
but, i think i'm just gg to leave it on and go to slp now. gd nice, and if anyone is still reading this space, much appreciated in some sense; be it enemies, friends, i still love u all. hahs.