getaway

went jb this afternoon with ju joanna and charlotte. just a getaway.
was abit tired and i can't find cheap shoes for work! ):

went trng later.
trained with the guys.

again. fitness was... haiz.
30mins to complete one long list of things. made it through 3/4 way. didn't manage to finish the last 3 or issit 4 drills.
sianz. and i'm usually able to complete 1 set just in time.


during the game, i rlly kept thinking of u. i probably very much wanted u to be around, still playing the game, so that we can sort of see each other more often. dammit.
u see, its when i'm free that i start to let my mind idle. ):
but any oh hows, i still rmbr that u told me tt u didn't really like the sports. HAHS. which i find the reason not very valid and probably just a casual moment of irritation from the sport that spurred u to say tt.


whatever marian.
by now, u should have known and get out of this.







ok. big issue now: dance.
recital's in 3 wks and i dun even know my 2 key dances. ):
i cant screw this up. i want to start enjoying this again.






the nights are really depressing.
and really, i think i've really placed u in my life and really believed that it'll be a forever thing till i can't get you out of it.
idk why i can't let go.
its like.. somedays i think i've alrdy let go. and somedays, i really yearn would die to just wanna sit down and have a really gd chat with u. like just hang out, talk abt nonsense and life. but one thing for sure, since the day we literally parted and not talked to each other since then, never a day have i not think about you. at least for a summation of a min in a 25hr day, my mind with drift past ur image/ happy times spent together.


so painful pls. i can take it luh. but i just dun like being.. uncomfortable; like smth's missing.
and omg. its like 4 yrs and counting. PLS dun let it draggggg this the 6th yr. i really want to open my life to ppl and stop being so... closed. hahas.

i.really.need.to.move.on. help.

(ok, i give up..) whoever reads this and know him... pls let him know that i just want to talk to him. help me man.
hahas. but just to clarify, i highly doubt that i would want this relationship back. i just dont want to loose such a gd friend like him. honestly, he's the only person in the world that i can talk to abt anything and just be myself. even the counsellor said so. (during that time when i was seeing one in sec 3/4 i think. ahhas)
UGH. SO IRRITATING.



on the flip side, ok, i pray for...,.. ... .... .. nvm.
bottom line: idk my direction and i need God to provide me a compass.