h2h ya.

scrolling down a list of literally 907 contacts,
there's really no one number to call on such nights.



let me be emo once again.
dont bother reading.



for some reason, this month, i feel pain man.
(duno if it's got anything to do with the Agnus Dei skit i did during the wedding which made me recollect all the days on mission field or what... OR. the New Moon DVD tt i watched in the sch library during my 4hr break). hahhhas


or. if its my dad's bday month.


or. if its the month where u left me and i graciously appeared that everything's A-OK.


like those slow eating death kind.



recently, after my day's events at night, i dun feel like gg home. no, as in... i like home. just that, i want some 'out' time.
i duno what out time.
but just out.


much thoughts to pen down tonight and recently actually.
but thanks to the 230am matches and 830am lectures, i dont have the energy to pen them down.
tonight on the contary, no match, but 830am, time is 3:08am, and i'm bloggin my life away.


again, i've said many times before. i started up this blog is so as to share my exciting life with my friends and literally count my blessings God has given me.
and also, readers may find some comfort in this space, knowing that u are not the only one suffering probs. we are, altogether, facing challenges and truly enough, there will be a rainbow after the rain.

this was taken today.

crashed nus trng again.
and really, i wanted to run to my bike and take out my camera to.. VIDEO the evening. on my left, the sun was setting beautifully.. the contrasted blue orangey yellowish shimmering cloud linnings, and the big round rainbow on my right. my phone camera did no justice to the atmosphere and neither was it able to capture the magnitude of the awesome big round colourful circle.





so.

this wks yrs, in the midst of my that one consistent struggle, this wk, it felt like as if i had a break through.
because i had so many lectures, surviving a 830-630pm lecture-filled day with my friend's itouch/iphone, my mind was allowed to run around.
and amazingly enough, i didn't think of u as much. (:
in fact, to my surprise, i thought of someone else.
hah. abit disappointed with myself coz truly enough, i'm still in denial, unable to break free fully. (have faith!)
on a better note, its not a girl. (: hahas.
i hate blogging like that. but since this is gd news, might as well right. hah.
hate to show all these nua-ness inside. but oh wells.
i am girl afterall, so, live with it.

but bad news is. that guy's attached and all. but i dont care. as in, dont bother. its none of my business anyways.

more gd things, been talking to a few new friends from the sports leadership camp.
h2h ones.
i feel like i've got like a sudden hidden talent to be a listening ear. i nv believe that i'm able to be a listening ear to some. (:
more imptly, i was able to understand certain struggles and things that ppl whom are older than me go through. idk if its really a gift or just because i do so many things in life that have exposed me to many trying situations.
but nonetheless, i thank God to be able to be there for ppl.


that's the whole irony.
u seem to understand ppl's deep probs, but u just dont understand ur simple own.


marriage.
such a big committment.
a lifetime warranty.
i'm confident that with God's help, i am able to build a family with the correct person.
but thinking of my prospective Job scope and risks, i'm gg to re-think the whole process again.