to me.

this cannot go on.




387340982092723092730298302472 unspoken.


God is speaking.
Do we have it takes to listen?


stumbled across abby's blog. she too is facing the struggle. the song. the lyrics. up there.
and, sara's post is being lifted, once again.
God is using us, His children, mightly.

He's reminding us.
He's constantly reminding us.
He will never abandon us.
Nor forsake us.

No matter down deep down are u in ur pit, listen.

He provided me Sam again today. he called me to meet him as it was his duty to make sure that students under the STAR prog is well.
Hope was in wad he spoke.
i knew it was coming from the Lord.
and again, reminders reminders reminders.



once again, i still want to thank God for this awesome song. its literally everywhere. i want the world to know abt this Savious i have.

But. Am i being that living, visible testimony?




" Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."
- Romans 5:3-4


" Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him."
- James 1:2-5


" Brothers, as an example of patience in the face of suffering, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. As you know, we consider blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job's perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy."
- James 5:10-11


"For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love."
- 2 Peter 1:5-7

disgusting can.

i cannot seem to focus.
i'd rather stay home and study rather than come to sch and stone.

having csa now.

ahuh.

bah!

leaving at 9pm for church camp on a fri(9th) night means 2 days short of pure pure fellowship. also, means i'm reaching on the 10th, which is like Day 3 of camp.

and u know wad.

its all because of a 1hr paper on Computer System and Application which ask u to define a computer and stuff like that at 11am on the 8th. i so feel want to miss that paprt lar.

15%.

but still.



today, wanted to go for prayer mtng for church camp at 8pm. but was afraid that it'll end late and all.. so i didn't go. well. kp praying for a saje journey and gd fellowship n a gd refreshing camp.

just, i was really really desperate for a piano. so i ran to sara's house to play from 6pm-10pm. 4hrs straight. hope on sat i can use the piano in church again. sara's house was surprisingly near.. ran for abt 20mins.. norm pace.
i hope to play for teens time by the 3rd or 4th quarter. by this yr. kp praying.


i need music to keep me sane.

hep A

took my 2nd hep A jab. a follow up from last yr's... with avriel. haha. vincent went along as well.

like dejavu. when the patient opened the door to exit from unc kokchi's rm, avriel, got shocked. like jerk-kinda thing.

bah!

today whole day feels wierd.

eddie came to the house today to help me with my photos. thank God for him.i've got so many photos.. not knowing which to send in for the com. not that its too gd.. but its soo not up to standard. haha. so i'm banging hard to capture the soul. so it makes it all the more tough.

not really photo-y mood today somemore.
couldn't seem to appreciate many photots.

now, i'm looking for professional help to give comments. as in really professional kind.. askin darryll and daniel ong from sa n vj photography to help me along in e photography and photoshop.

man.
sounds wierd but this whole photography things seems so new to me.

clever me thought the deadline is 15 july.. but its like on 15 June. yucks can. next wk mye. then this wk gotta prepare plus try to cramp up projects so that hols and relax alittle. then after mye.. i got church camp till 12th. which leaves me abt 2 days to do all of the photo stuff... which includess getting mounting board. printing, cutting, adjusting, labelling, thinking of captions ETC.

thus, this leaves me with this wk and e next to get alot of things done. i'm scared leh. honestly. i'm scared that the printing won't turn out well which will result in the loss of alot of $$ and all. i need help. anyone.

BAH! should have done it like during the hols. so doomed. i'm joining for exposure and also, partially of the $5000, plus free photography course. how cool can it get lar.

but its nv easy lar.

the preparation is kinda killing already. i think i really gotta get some help.

on top of that, today i still can complain that i'm bored during lect and whole day today, didn't do anything physcial. told my tri coach that i can't go for trng these 2wks. coz of e camp and exams.


funny how all the things chunk up together.
withiin 2 wks.


and .. freak out. i jus realised, i forgot to call sentosa! pls someoone remind me can can can.


and its only monday! i'm craving for the wkends. i'm excitied abt church camp.

todays' the cheena o's. haha. heard there's like an underage party for ppl 16-18.. esp for the olevel takers to party. hilarous can. so young so wild and pls, only 1 paper passed. "kids these days ar.."

lastly. to yea. i juz wanna say sorry. i haven done well.
juz dun mention wadeva. it send shivers down my spine. it sends strong electric signals waiting to burn u up. juz dun mention it. it'll take a while. i'm slow. so yea. i feel that its like a game of touch rugby. the slower ones gets elimated. touch drop. drop touch. change over blah blah blah. it goes on.
haha.
i'm nv easy right. told u. and i'm ): abt it la. i hope not to worry. i know full well that God does things for reasons, His reasons, that we can nv fanthom. i'm learning how to cope with it, i'm learning how to commit,
persure,
yet let go.


time waits for no man.

happy 54th anniversay COA!

ok i cut my hair today.
would want it shorter but thanks to e upcoming ballet rectial.


went to see guitars with drew today.



i miss the ppl in thailand, the girl friends which i made in e village.
i miss dancing at night. dancing impromptuly, giving our best in all our moves.
i miss sharing joy.

i miss the younger days.


):


u know wad. i feel so emmo-sih.
haha. pork. my past few posts are juz so..so.. long and.. emmo-ish.
i can't seem to get out of it quicky.

*
to my dear friend, close to my heart.
i'm sorry if i'm breaking u. i duno how to put it across to you, i duno how to respond. i duno how to relay to u, i duno how to juz be one nice friend. u know what i mean, u know who u are. thus, i'm using this blog function to allow u to read, knowing u will.
i'm not the best of me. sometimes, u do know that there are like tons of pppl out there, better and not juz another thorn and inflicts pain. i will nevver want to give up. but.i want the best for u.honestly, i dun feel like i'm tofuman for u. haha. (u know wad i mean by ur keys lar.) but at the same time, selfish me wants the toufuman to myself only.
ahaha. ok. this is pang-sai language. but i'm sure u know what i'm talking about.

i try, i fail. i stumble, i fall.
i back up again, but i still melt down.

*
i really want to see us smile. to see u smile. to see me smile. all from the inside out. to juz be carefree. like how we always were. how we hangout around in a grp and juz be happy, with each other's company. u know wad, sometimes, i feel so afraid. so afriad to make any action or say anything which will result in a loss of one that is close to me.
i'm watchful of my content here coz its afterall, public.

but i hope this will have some positive effect.
coz i am, tired emmotionally. drained. something doesn't seem right, i can't seem to figure it out.

i pray. in faith, i know God is working in our lives.

*
i am sorry. i know it doesn't cure or anything, but i have to say it. i must.
i've pernamently lost my pillar of support coming from the only man in the earthly family. i've other strongholds in my life, of which, the biggest one is God. but still, i need u as one more impt pillar to make this structure complete.
i feel that i've let u down. i dun wish to be a sensitive person. but i am. i wanna get out of my emo zone coz its not doing me any gd. i'm still struggling, with God's strength.
to sum it all up..



my hp battery is weak..
i must keep charging it like everyday.
which is, also, practically true.


well. keep on praying. i'm sure we can climb to greater heights in God's light.
i'm sure we'll make it.

randomly.

honestly, i never thought that i was a nice girl.
until Mrs. Teo told me somewhere back in july05 if i'm not wrong.
maybe i'm never one.
but at least i know that i'm appreciated and loved.



Encouragement
takes u a mile further.



dead serious.





the song is still stuck in my head.
thank God for today's PERFECT weather after 6pm. really cooling. i ran and didn't even feel hot. had such a pleasent run today.




God is working.
today, the song From The Inside Out keeps reminding me of new stuff. after games, MPH was filled with that song from voices to mp3 to hps.

as i was blog surfing again...
i came across ming's blog. he too blogged abt this very song From The Inside Out.(in case if forgotten, there a 1000 over songs) i wanna intro this song. may God speak.
to add on, ming is one of my really close long lost friend back at pri sch. he's like at another part of singapore. but yet, God is forever significant.

His messages are so so so constant. its like not a thing to percieve. but smth to marvel at.
what do u think?
still not moved?




stirr it up in our hearts Lord.
stirr it up in our hearts Lord
stirr it up in our hearts, a Passin for Your Name.


i know He's coming.
i know He is.

from the inside out

From The Inside Out
by Hillsong United
album: United We Stand (2006

A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains And should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the inside out
Lord let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out

Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out



ytd b4 trng. saw sara from afar. at tp track hhaha. she was having bible study there. so glad to see her lar. ahha.



ytd b4 trng.. went down to support. saw a many sajc friends. really supportive sch. wierd to see some ruggers there, in bowling bg kinda thing. but was fun.
saints bowled well. won acjc overall for both girls and guys. won rj for boys, but rj overtook us for the girls...

ok. SAINTS Bowling- only for winners.
Singles:

Guys 1st
Girls 3rd

Doubles:

Guys 2nd, 3rd
Girls 2nd

Quartet:

Guys 1st, 2nd
Girls 1st

All events:

Guys 1st, 3rd
Girls 2nd, 3rd

Overall Schools:

Guys 1st
Girls 2nd


really lots of trophies.
the glory to God man. Saints. toook alot of photos and video clips.. but still, i can't upload them.

today, i swam. disappointed with myself. coz last wed, coach trained me on my technique lar. today tried to apply on my laps... but like couldn't seem to get it. instead, got really out of breath and really breathless. haha. so i stopped 3/4 way and swam to the side to catch my breath. buay tahan can. the remaining laps, swam back my usual way but tried to pull harder. haiz.

this wk is my last touch trng for the sem. nxt wk is break to study for our mye HARS. so u see.. my hols hasn't started yet. :l .nxt wk, i'm also goona give myself; a break. haha. not goona tell coach that my trng pause.. should hit the books, hard corely if i wanna excelly acadamically. well. i wouldn't say its a v much last min thing, coz i try to understand stuff b4 i do my tutorials. so should be easier.
pls. i've alreay learnt the hard way though the Olevels. i dun wish for history to repeat itself in any case.



anyways.


i'm tired.
on the inside out
i'm still... haha. on the reflective mode. i wanna get out of there b4 i really sink too deep in.
today, had bowling meeting. spoke to alvin abt some stuff. i really thank God for him, as well as ppl around. God speaks through His ppl. really blessed la.
ok. btw, i find tp bowling coach really into building tp bowling team. i mean like.. so far in my life, where got coach go to the sch to give talks, hold meetings.. etc one..

i hereby decided that wadeva it is. i should go for 10am service instead of e 8am one, the best as i can.
to sort of sum up (again), i, disappointingly , needed prompts/hints/advices/nags/reprimands/reminders/encouragement to come out with that in mind.
i've got so many things to say. i wanna like explain myself.nvm. so long as i know He is (:, all thing's fine. today, i'm glad to talk to elaine. coz she's really a gd listener and i love her alot. haha. she's my cell leader, also with lynette. (: anyways. ya.

smts, its like when i try to go to my optinum, utilising all my time, it'll be percieved as setting wrong priorties, making wrong sacrifices or comprimising.
yes, it may be wrong. but what i've learnt, or rather have been heavily re-inforced is that whatever the situation is, most basic bottomline is to check ur heart. ur objective, focus and direction must be right.
i dun wish to further elaborate. duh.

i know what i have.
i'm aware.
i'm thankful.

do keep praying. as always.
pracitcaly, i do hope that trng doesn't clash into church. or anything else.

smth i learn during the week when talking to esther is that..
PASSION.
it drives.
having no TIME is determined by oneself. i mean like everyone breathing on this Earth has e exact 1wk, 7days, 24hrs, 60mins kinda thing. its really whether up to u if u want it or not. be passionate abt what u do. and if u do it, do it ur best or rather not do it at all. that's what ol' gary tells me. or issit daniel ong. (btw. gary: where fort art thou. its been really eons since we've update.)

hmm.
i'm really broke piggybankly this wk. coz i've been trying to save up, again.
1) bike.
2) piano.
3) laptop.
if u noticed, these items are highly costly n expensive. ahha, so u can slowly gage and count how long will i take to save up. think of the amt of stuff forgone man.
btw. haha. MPF is still on k. current stake: $0. "Be the first one! Be the bold one!" haha. trying to advertise myself.
haiz.



different people.
different perception.
aha. (Organisational Behaviour allows me to pro-ly define perception: is the process by whic individuals select, orgainze and interprest their sensory impressions in order to give meaning to their environment.) applause pls, though lifted from txtbk.


this post is juz so not in order k. sorry.

should go now. haha. high-tech learning: doing quizes online.

God bless.



-

breaking the copyright rule from Sara's blog. i'm sure she dun mind right.
ya. tons of reminders here and really really. God sent. i seriously, still amazed by how God relays msges. He's creative can.

briefly what i've learnt is what the bible says about sufferings as a christian, and the promises or perspective that comes along with these sufferings.
In the first place, nobody said that being a christian is going to be an easy life...u'll get riches, wealth, peace, love...etc. well in some way yes u do...i won't deny that. But all these is not in the world sense but in God's sense. riches and wealth would be our treasure in heaven which is promised to us at the end of time. peace and love? well, having a relationship with God AGAIN... i something that would give you a peace that you can't imagine...and love that you may never have felt before. i stress 'AGAIN' is because before we turn back to God, we are always..always fighting him...struggling against him. Would we ever find peace that way? by disobeying him time and time again?

When we finally turn back to him by his grace, there is peace within us but of course other things comes along.... Suffering

our kind of sufferings, are the sufferings of our faith. the testing of our faith. the world of sin is against christianity and so of course when u become a christian, it doesn't mean u would live a life of goodness and happiness...the bible clearly states in many many verses, that there would be various trials, testing...given to us. ZL asked what kind of 'testing of faith' trials would we face? many of us read the bible, and usually think of trials as those ppl who get persecuted because christianity was against the pharisees and their beliefs. But living in Singapore, where there religion is practised freely, what kind of trials do we face??

octi boss gave us a few examples, which is... for example, you've become a christian but u're parents reject it. Do u stop believing and having faith in God?no! for one thing, when u become a christian, you've already accepted jesus christ, believing that he is the saviour and none else. its like walking on a path...at first, you are walking this path that leads to darkness(ahead of you is darkness) but when suddenly behind you, there is a light... ur path at the back of you is lighted..you turn 180 degrees and walk to the direction of the light. would you still turn back to the darkness?? you've turned 180 degrees away from sin and now face God's grace. if you turn back to the darkness...you are putting ur back towards GOd. think about that. wad do you think will happen?

oops. oh ya. was talking bout parental objection...well, its a struggle that many christians out there face.. young or old. for me personally, i can't relate to it as my parents are christians too, but if i were to face non-christian parents.. would i have the courage to stand up for my belief? telling them that Jesus Christ is who i believe in and you should too? would i have the patience to tell them about who He is? to show them through my life at home? would i be able to tolerate all the scoldings i get from them when i go to church or do ministry stuff? would i crumble under parental pressure?

another struggle, which i think im facing right now, is the managing of my piorities.
octiboss asked this question, are you a student first? or a christian first? i think all of us were a bit hesitant bout that question. for me? i was like... oh yaaa.. which is first ar? haha..to help u all think better.. its like asking this... are you a _____(CCA) or a student first? if u think logically, would CCA help u into Uni when u fail ur A's? would being a student with gd results, all "As" for A'level, get you to heaven?? i think these questions really shake our mind.. our thinking.
of course we would want to be christians full time, and not only part time. but how can we do that? thats the question. every action glorifying GOd? don't u think that is soooo difficult? its easy to say.. but not easy to do lah!

We are so caught up in doing so many stuff.. for example, in school, we have to manage studies, CCA, projects, friends... in the midst of all this, would you still think of hmm.." how should i share to this person.. how should i approach this person about christ... who should i invite for da vinci seminar?" i think a common reaction would be, PUT IT ASIDE... DO WAT IS AT HAND FIRST!! and then, wat happens? we are so busy till we don't even have time to talk to god or even do ministry work!! i really don't want that to happen...

soo...the only thing that we can do is, to let go... let go...so that we may be free in christ. it'll be painful, it'll be something i or u may not want ...but...well face it. which is more impt? worldly achievements? or God's mission?

oh ya!.. if you're thinking that this is a perfect excuse not to do well in exams or to be slack in everything else.. no!! wrong wrong wrong! we should still do our best in our exams... putting in effort... you set aside time to do the amount of work that u can accomplish, and also put aside time for ministry... though maybe u may not have the same number of hours as your other friends, and of course...they may produce better quality assignments than you, but so long as u did ur best and not shoddy work...well go! spend ur time wisely. Grow and learn.





1 Corinthians 10:13
No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.

Hebrews 12:1-3
Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
i met marian before my BS...and haha.. she was going for touch rugby training.. cool la! ahhh..i wanna join sports! hehe. haiz.. miss marian too. hmph.. she was showing off her RED "soccer" boots la!!!!!! hahahaha.. gotta catch yup with her sometime...

i miss sara.


and all.

trng.

well.

GOD IS ALWAYS FAITHFUL can.

went to talk to Sam today. although bz, thankfully he was really nice to hear me out.
explained my situation and requested if i could ask him a personal q.
"to choose between church and sports, in this case, my situation. what will u do?"
he looked at me, pausing for a moment, turning his eyes away from his computer screen.

"well.. i am caught.."

i looked at him, and started thinking, waiting for him to complete his sentence.

"i mean like, yes, it is impt.. but u know, ur admission..."

i looked at him again... in eagerness to hear his 'verdict'.

"we'll find a way... out. i'm sure.
well. the 'gd' news is that trng hasn't confrim.. and that there'll probabaly be 2 timings for sunday. 10am-12pm or 1pm-3pm. that's for either the boys or girls.. and most prob one more trng during the wkdays.
pray.
(then he went on explaining the system of lane bookings.. abt bidding from compaines and all. to sum up.,...) everthing is still pending.
u dun have to worry for now. but..
we'll work things out."


my heart was like touched lar.
coz the capt was like.. u have to go for trng and all. btw, sam's the head pe i/c for bowling and many more other sports. amazing how he manages into the details of the many sports in tp.
i'm seriously relieved- partially.


really felt lighter as i walked to meet esther for lunch.

after that. was lecture and trng. today's trng.. fitness.. as there was lightning. basket. coz i got new boots! then had to run on pavement, rocky hard pavement up and down the stairs. ahha.studs were like shortening on day1 of its lifespan. then fitness was gd today. coz of the weather, really cooling. thank God for that. after abt 45mins or so.. went to the field.
haha.
mud all over. was fun.. continued fitness and drills in the wet field. i guess it somehow bonded the familiar faces. (: was gd. at the end of the day.. nice clean shoes were like haha.
there's be a rugby camp tentatively from (9-11 june).. but i'll be away from (8/9-12) for church camp. haha. (: i am excitied.

anyways.. got home, mum got shocked and stared at me. coz i didn't bring extra shirt.. "aiyo! wad did u do ar? i'm not gonna wash that for u ar." haha. hilarious. yes, it was a white shirt.

haha. to think abt it, i didn't want to tell this dear friend of mine abt my sport. ahah. wanted to surprise lar. haha. but yea. thank God that i did, somehow, so that i can tell u guys how God has been looking out for me.



honestly, i thank God for being so merciful and forgiving. i know i shouldn't be thinking so hard abt such decision-makign situations. but i still had difficulities. not that i'm submitting to Man. but i juz feel that i dun want to upset/disappoint anyone, in this case, to 'satisfy' or meet the expectation of both sides which requires alot of God's love and patinece.
I'm really glad that now, it seems BETTER. but still, kp praying for the days to be settled coz really, i do not want to end or shorten any form of service to Him.


hmm. as i was trying to recall the verse that was being shared during service, i was fliiping though my bible. (its always like that that smth happens aha.)
all along,
i emphasize again....
all along,
my NewYearResolution bookmark was at were it was- Psalm 24.

i know God's speaking.
its whether i'm listening or not.

Psalm 24
Of David. A psalm.
1 The earth is the LORD's, and everything in it,
the world, and all who live in it;
2 for he founded it upon the seas
and established it upon the waters.

3 Who may ascend the hill of the LORD ?
Who may stand in his holy place?

4 He who has clean hands and a pure heart,
who does not lift up his soul to an idol
or swear by what is false.

5 He will receive blessing from the LORD
and vindication from God his Savior.

6 Such is the generation of those who seek him,
who seek your face, O God of Jacob. [b]
Selah

7 Lift up your heads, O you gates;
be lifted up, you ancient doors,
that the King of glory may come in.

8 Who is this King of glory?
The LORD strong and mighty,
the LORD mighty in battle.

9 Lift up your heads, O you gates;
lift them up, you ancient doors,
that the King of glory may come in.

10 Who is he, this King of glory?
The LORD Almighty—
he is the King of glory.
Selah

(along with the song, Give Us Clean Hands..will put the song up by e end of this wk or smth)



b4 i realised abt the bk mark, i stumbled across this verse that was highlighted..

" 22Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. 23Don't have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. 24And the Lord's servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. 25Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, 26and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will." (2 timothy 2:22-26)


and today's Daily Verse, with coutesy of Bible Gateway.com, is...(tada!)

“ You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love. ” (Galatians 5:13)



i'm so blessed, i can't contiain it.
its at a stage whereby any decision made w/o knowing of the consequences will lead to part of e idol part. not exactly a worship icon, but a string being pulled.


i really hope that again, my post will encourge ppl out there to seek. and then one shall find. coz its evidently stated.
keep praying. i know that God is with me till e end of time. He'll not let go unless i choose not to hold His hand.

dun worry . .

.i. have been thinking alot recently. cannot seem to focus properly. there's questions and doubts in me. its like pui! i really want to straighten out.

.am. alittle frustrated with myself, my decision and my level of understanding. today felt happy to see Rev Zauwa and Asholi.. both from Thailand.. met them during the trip.. they've been a great encouragement. and i'm really V happy, somehow, relieved to see CASSANDRA. its been like ages lar. a few months!

.a. picture blurred. like a mosaic (is that what u call?) whereby the big pic is impt. BUT its the small pics that depicts the bigger pic. so how. what do see? or rather, what do u want to see or, even choose to see?

.disappointment. hasn't left me. hmmm. i've been reading abt teenage suicides.. ahha. its for Comm Skills Essay lar. anyywas.. there's this web that says smth abt " Long-term problems can include: losing a parent or close relative at a young age; coming (blah blah blah)... causing social isolation and withdrawal, poor school performance and attendance, and repeated suicide attempts". well, since sec 3, there's a clear cut distinction that my results plunged. its super duperly obvious. but, my attendance has been gd! haha. i hv yet to figure out y like that. i dun think dad will affect my studies. hmmm. anyways. i even ask if am i making Him smile? seriously. no sense. i hv none. pardon me.


do i realise?
can we decipher?
i am so not worthy.
so not worthy of whoever. i mean questions do shake my self-esteem. do i grow out of it eventually? am i hurting, you? sorry.
i know that i'm still a child of God. but y the disobedience? do i need practical disciplines?


to during Sermon, rev. Zauwa said this "faith must come before, then understanding"


ok. let's all juz say i'm a deillusionised child who needs some straigtening up. therefore, brothers and sisters, i know u guys read this. pls pray for me to have faith, and understanding. i'm assured that if i seek, i will find eventually in His time. what's the next step, for now?
ur prayers are greatly appreciated.
i thank God for ppl, for friends who care for me. i mean like.. i'm really touched that God has blessed me with so much even though we're all like darn sinners. even so, we tend to oversee the importance of repentance. wad audacity man.

watch da vincci code today. honestly, i dun really know the content. coz its too chim. but the whole thing is juz so delusive. pray for God's presence to be among the viewers man. no wonder there's so much seminars and all. ppl are worried.
is the end near?

and again,
am i prepared to face Him?
i do admit that i'm ashamed. but still, spiralled up and twisted. hmmm.


this is rather, a cry for prayers.


thank you. i have a test tmr and lectures. i should go now. gd nite.







From The Inside Out
by Hillsong United
album: United We Stand (2006)

A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains And should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the inside out
Lord let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out

Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out



dun u guys just love music? simply all.
i thank God for allowing music to be a form of communication.
i thank God for allowing me to experince this gift.
i thank God that i'm so blessed.


Amen.

tp swim

well. today was the first day that esther and i used the tp pool.
i swam my first 20 there.

ok lar. under this TPSWim team thing.. no i'm not in the swim team.. its this thing.. whereby u swim 20 laps per sessons.. and by the 30km, u'll get GOLD. cert. plus SEAL pts. haha.! guess wad. first 15 ppl to complete gets fila water bottle and shirt. hahah.! free lar. but.. i'm doing it to train stamina as i'm starting to detest long d runs.

ok.
so its twice a wk... but max laps to clock in per wk is 40. shall attempt to hit that.
and u know wad's best. haha.
the showers have hot water!!!! freak out can. ahha. shiok man.
ahha. kc used tp's pool and the resevior for biathalon.
shps use the sports complex, the track for sports day.
funny how small sg foster cohesion ar.




hmmmm...
there's this event coming up.. yea. not sure if i'm up for it. now definte no lar. but i got june hols to train. so i'm still considering.. meanwhile.. alvin is encouraging me to join his trng. ahha. i'm still thinking abt it lar.
honestly. i duno. i'm not sure when's the closing date though. see how it goes.


anyways. today was pc orientaion. quite cool lar. learnt quite a handful on log stuff.. biamp and all. i really hope to contribute more to coa's sound crew and worhsip team. so hope this will help. ahha. and u know wad. we get seal pts for gg today. hilarious can.

and i do hope that bowling trng stats soon. coz the league is starting in 1 wks time. kinda freaky coz i haven been trng on bowling and all lar. i really do hope to suck smth out of this league and make tp proud. i ean i like.. since i'm gonna be there for 3 yrs. i'm goona give my best lar, in terms of achievement and service wise.
and u know wad. i realsed that tp campus is cool.coz everywhere i go, got toilet. and also... the toilet paper is always being replenished. printing can also be done for free but only black and white and providence of ur own paper. but still, tp's kinda generous. it might be due to the high sch fees. but oh well. thank God that the gort is subdising some $$.



hmm. HELLO doesn't ow wad.allow me to post photos at the moment. dunno wads the prob. wanted to post the rugby pics of SA vs rj.. and other photos of nice tp campus. lazy to use photobucket at the moment. haha. so yea. no pics yet.
meanwhile. ahha. come to think of it. i have less than a month to submit my photos for the competition. do pray abt it. coz i'm alittle nervous, coz i know full well that my pics are not up to standard. i juz hope that my pics captures the soul rather than the technical bit.


i've been thinking abt myself lately. no lar. not self-love and all lar. reflection.
tons to reflect. abt my goals and all. smths i think i dun set realistic goals, thinking i'm able ot hit them. aha.
for those who are aware of my spiritual 'journey'.. jzu to sum it up lar.. having i been living as a living sacrifice for Him?
hmmm. ironically, my name, for some reason , is known as Living Fragrance. have i been one to God?
achievement wise. i know i'm doing it for the rightful glory. in a way, i wanna be like outstanding grain of salt. honestly, the greater challenge would be conquering the studies part. i mean like.. if i excel in one and not in another, it won't be honouring or wad. i know giving my best and all will do. but still. the world sees it this way.
ya.
the thing can still go on and on and on.
but my bottomline is to strive hard for excellence in whatever circumstance, utilising every min that God has blessed me with.
coz i'm darn right sure that God has placed so many opportunites for me to shine, IF i want to, and IF i'm serious abt it.

i guess this wk i've been thinking, more or less on this. utilisng time would be bigger sacrifices to achieve more.
i do hope that the decisons i make will be edifying to Him and will be the appropraite one for all.
in the midst of all these, pray for understanding for wadeva may stand in the way.




i know i can do all things, through Christ who strengthens me.
i know it.

SAJC VICTORY. 15-10

first, it was like "1st in 17 yrs we're in the finals.".

then..

we WON. ahha.

15-10.

today's match is so exciting. literally. rj was in the lead most of the time. the last 15mins, Saints pushed like siaow.. and scored 2 tries.. really very encouraging to see ppl not giving up in wadeva circumstances. saw alot of friends.. like eons of yrs since i've seen them.


sajc's cheering was as usually, there. whole time, no one was sitting down la. hard to take pics.. but got some nice shots. boon played well today. see him running through and passing through was amazing.
well done to liangsheng, arthur, alex, jesse, malcom, daniel, javier, and of course, khairul.

after that proudly, sang the sch song. haha.


man. u know wad. the last 15 mins, i captured both tries! ahha. video. coz i felt that it was coming. ahha. so i put video mode. ahha. feel to happy. but i had to sacrifice photos lors.

honestly, it was unexpected. i mean like RJ, but still, we had faith. i guess that's all it takes.

for the details on the semi finals vs acjc,
http://www.saints.org.sg/dyk60.cfm Mr. Yee Teck Peng, Former Saint.


oh yea. ahha. today saw the tp notice board, only 5 girls from freshmen got into the team.. so like there 16 girls, if i counted correctly and abt 27 plus guys.. hmmm.abit scary though.



as for bowling.. back at SA..

heard the guys did well too! the girls did ok.. we won smth for Singles! wheee. go support k. next thursday at yishun safra i'll try to be there. wheee. (:
only for the champions. You guys are sure to make it. make the Saints proud, again.

man. the Saints spirit. the Saints family. you guys are deeply missed.


haha. i'm sorry man. Once a Saint, always a Saint.

o level cert.

finally went back to sch got my cert.

today i figured out 50% of cannon in d on the piano! amazing huh. ahhha.
kind happy today.
best friends from kc from sajc went back. sara n zen... (wasted.. gera not there..). haha. miss ppl like jaslin and steph lar. haha.

ahha. had talks abt sch and all. rocks lar. i miss them alot.


oh ya. i got shortlisted for an interview for the PACEsetters thing for tp. so yup.. haha. pray for God's plan. (: that i'll follow.


thank God for today.

thank God

for gd weather today.
for the sun today.
for me feeling much ultra better today.
for trng.

haha.

i think i've fully recovered. though i get tired easily, haha. i feel much better. (: no more flu! wahaha. today, pulled my left thign muscle. i hope that i'll be ready for the tournament in 2 wks time. haha. pray pray.

thank God for my classmates.
but still, pray for open-mindedness. and pls, grp wrk to be more enthu abt it. coz its really difficult to get things done asap.
ya.
pray for effective learners. and pray that i can be a reflector. yes.





poon.marian.// says:
miss u guys man

poon.marian.// says:
one day must go drink coffee

timothy says:
hahah

timothy says:
!!!

timothy says:
i thought go drink!

timothy says:
i was like is this marian?!

timothy says:
hahahhah!

timothy says:
okay

timothy says:
we'll go drink kopi!

poon.marian.// says:
ahhahahahahahahahhaa

timothy says:
i really got a shock la!

timothy says:
then i realised i missed the coffee

timothy says:
hahah!

playin guit

this wk, played for teens time and Service.

i made alot of errors. i know that God is happy with the effort i put it. but really... my fingers were pain and peeling after 4 straight hrs of strumming and alittle plucking.

and this wk...i found it hard to keep tempo. like inconsistent.. my chords changing were bad as well. haiz.

i'm still quite happy and also abit worried that trng on sundays hasn't start. coz nxt wk i'm playing for Service again. i pray i can still serve as long as i can lar..

its been an issue in my heart lar. i konw it shouldn't be.. coz the decision should have been darn right easy. but i cannot let go.

well.

juz keep praying in faith.
i believe that i'm able to. able to climb and seek and grow.

btw. haha.
in case u guys are wondering why i wear nicer clothes today.. coz i'm playing for Sercvice lar.
unc. Vincent reminded us abt Worship Team being the frontline. therefore must work on presentaion skills... the first time i played was for him as well.. learnt alot.

well.


nxxt wk is sajc vs rjc in the a div rugby
and..
as well as my beloved team sajc bowling e Singles Event.
i know they'll make it. coz its only for the Champians.
silenty, for them. (:


anyways. keep prayin for my physical health as well. thank God for constantly healing and all. i've been like 10times beeter. the fever is still on and off. but really slight fever. so i think i'm on the route to full recovery.

i'll be resuming training tmr as well. (: hope that i'll survive. haha.



thank God for this wk. still tough. ahha. its been like tough man. like constantly tough for emmotional part. thank God for being merciful and forgiving lar. coz i know i'm not like a gd daugther to a mother. since its mother's day, taking this opportunity lor.




(: i hope u guys will keep praying and thanking Him. it's impt.

blood blood blood. the 7th. AMEN.

ahha. whokay. (this is gonna take long. goona enjoy every bit and joyfullness of torture)

where do i start. ok. yesterday. happily, i thought sch was at 9am though it was 10am. 1hr not that bad lar BUT. ytd, i was really craving for sleep and really irritated, angry and blech to go to sch. but u know me, sch is sch. a must is a must. haha. so i msg khai to see if he's walking already anot.. coz he stays like behind me and we'll bump into each other every morning. last morning, i needed someone to like help if i die half way or smth.. so msged him.
so i continued walking.
happily, he replied me that he was still at home when i was at the traffic light. basket. nvm. then i walk walk walk. to the bus interchange, starting queing up for the bus then he told me that "today sch is at 10 wad i thought?" thanks ar. haha.
forget.
took then bus, dreadfully, miserably, desperately dying to get out of it. it was my 6th day of high fever and not getting any better.
the slightest change in environment will send chills all over la. haha. whole body, bach, thigh, arms, esp th shoulders were stiff and really pain lar.
i run like mad, execise till i go siaow also not so pain lar.
finally. i was like off the bus, shaking. haha. as i walked up the FLIGHT of stairs, or rather, stumble up 2 FLIGHTS of stairs? was trembling, and long crave for some cold liquid to drink.
to cut the long long process (though like 5 mins) i finally reached business sch. i needed to search for a source of cold drink. so i walked towards the vending machines... (thers' seriously alot in tp btw. will prove to u guys one day.) thinking that i could buy cold milo or smth. sadly, the milovending machine is further down compared to the one that sess coca-cola co. bottled drinks.

forget it. so i juz went with it and bought a bottle of jasmine tea. drank and felt slight comforted. struggled back to business sch entrance and sat down. slowly, i waited for class to start. btw. it was like 9.15am already.

waited... and my head started killing me. i brought my theremometer! coz i knew my best friend. aka, my dear fever won't leave me. so yea. haha. a cool temp of 39.8. haha. my headavhe got really jialat. nv felt so siaow b4.
so i quickly called dr. peter and woke him up from his sleep.
"when do u need to go to the hospital?"
haha. so he answered alot. we had a 6min asking-answering conversation. by then, i was crying. coz i felt really helpless. haha. stupid. but he warned me to go cgh instead of east shore (the one that i usually go to). coz its much much cheaper as it is subsidised.
called mama. she starting naggina abt gg to sch. i hung up on her, literally. coz my head couldn't take it.
then she called again, knowing the seriousness of it, she stop her 'usuallly sayings' and asked constructive stuff like where are u.. how and all lar.
then after i put down the phone... i waited for some class person to come.. so that i can pass my mc for yesterday. haha. ironic huh. haha. i came to sch to give mc. haha. saw matthew then miaoshan. haha. so happy. i passed him my mc and said tt i gtg hospital. dying. ahha.
then quickly, i got out of sch. ahha. man u shold see all my friends' reactinos when i was on my way out to sch. all curious. even those who didn't know me, stared at me. haha. coz itt was only 9.45am an i'm leaving tp. haha.
well.

took the taxi. "uncle, cgh". then he drove there. haha. then my dear esther called. ahha. then i startd crying again.. coz my head pain. aha. stupid sia. so touched that she was so worried. not bhb la. haha. but i really appreciate her alot. haha. then the uncle turned and look at me.
"eeer.. (in chinese) a&e right?"
"arh."
haha. so at a&e. the nurse took my temp, coz of safety precaution. ahha. saw the screen, ( high tech lar) my head and neck very red as compared to the nurse. haha.39.1 ahha. then went to the counter to register. literally, dropped my head onto to desk. aha. the lady was like. err excuse me.. then i started tearing again. she asked for my ic. so i painstakingly handed it over to her. haha.
then,

i was quarrentined. ahha.

2hrs.
2hrs
2hrs. can.

i waited for 2hrs can. honestly, i was irritated, angry and on the verge of burning cgh down. coz i was cold, hungry and dying. i was alone somemore can. a few times, i literally banged my head on the quarrentine-glass-panel coz my headache was really killing la. haha. stomped my feet.. lie awkwardly on the chair.. and al this while, crying.

i'm quite disapointted. a few nurses and even doc walked passed me and didn't bother to help or at least ask me lar.
i mean i would have gone up to seek medical attention asap.. but i'm sure they've more sever patients to attend to i guess. the no. screen fashed "Patients with more sever cases will be given priority. thank you for your understanding" ahha. i could rmbr! staring at the number board for 2 whole hours will seemed eternity.


finally. i was in the room. after all the doc stuff and all. he took my blood. blood test lar. dengue suspect. he really took alot. like a whole syringe full.
i was really weak.. so they put me in the observation room.
knowing that panadol won't save me or bring down the fever, they still gave it ot me anyway. thank God, by then, my cousin had drove to cgh and attended to the admin procedures. haha. he went back with my belongings as i go to sleep. ahaa.

one thing abt hospital beds is that they are realy comfortable. the pillow had like plastic underneath. ahha. baskt. the nurse dun let me cover my body with blanket. until waist level. ahha. heck. i was freezing.
once again. they took my bp. was quite freaky, to me. 92/44 hmm.
(Doctors generally agree that systolic readings of 120 to 140 and diastolic readings of 70 to 90 are normal.)
pretty low huh. then slp. and slp.
they told me 2hrs. but it has been 4hrs.

finally. the doc came. my cousin came back as well.
not gd news. freaked out alittle. basically. it's like 85% chance that i have dengue.. as my blood palates were low. but the dengue test results were negative.. which was gd.. so i was asked to come back again the next day.

i scared k.

went home. i slpt. from 6pm till 8am. cool ar.

then it was this morning... i felt better, somehow. ahha. i think it was juz the sleep. my fever was a nice and col 36.7! ahha. cool. thought everything was over. ahah. happyil, mama acc me go cgh. waited for another 2 hrs but i played my gameboy. haha. basket. the lady took my temp. 38.0. haha. ok. grr. faithful friend.
then.. after that.. same thing happen... but this time, was this nurse from china who took my blood. she cannot find my vessel! abit wierd.. she poke ht needle near to the front of my elbow... which i felt, was wierd lar. coz usually the bending area, would be alittle difficult to find the correct vessle. nevertheless, she poke anyway. haha.
nvm
then poke.. as she pulled the syringe, no blood came out. so she pushed.. then she pulled nad push and pulled and push.. got abt 7-8 times. my heart was throbbing already lar. dunoo wad she duno sia. then she said slowly, focuing on the needle "dui be qi" (sorry in chinese). wa phaing. i was telling myself not to laugh. coz my mum was making farnie faces outside, hoping that i'll be scared nad freaked out. ya. that's my mum for u.
so.. she finally saw blood and smile to herself. man. tell u are. i was freaking out by her lar.. then yar. pulled and all.. then fianlly. ahha. she put plaster for me can. haha. crazy.
the results were out. the doc was like... congradulations! ur palates have increased!!. haha.
like some customer won some lucky draw.
"well, u're strong huh.. able to fight the virus b4 it gets abit outta hand".
right. thanks (: i know who did it.
still, he had to take medical statements.. ahha. so he asked the usual questions, i told him my sickness. hilarious.. after i said finish... he said. " whoa. seems like u have everything ar?" aha. i juz smiled.
should have seen him constantly typng and typing.




anyways.
raining. so mama brought me to shop. as my fever was my best friend, was so used to it. ahha. so happily shoped with mum. i finally bought 2 shirts for poly. haha. and 1 shirt for sports. i bought quite alot of things lar. mama's quite happy also. she bought harself this tourise. she realy love tortises.

was trying to tell her not to buy as it sucks.. blah blah blah.. so that i can go buy tmr and give her on sunday. ahhaha. so nice right. yea. touch on that later. but, knowing her. hahaah. she bought it anyway, memerised by it.

mama shopped for the baby alot can. jealous k. ahah. no la.jk. she still loves mehaha. oh ya. hilarious. at this shop where sell accessories.. this young couple walked passed. ahhah. then the girl had to pull the guy's hand to go into the shop... no choice, follow lor. ahha. then in the shop, the guy keep looking around- at girls. haha. hilarious can. he looked at me. i gave that. err-ok-like-what-are-y-u-doing-kinda face. ahhaah. then he looked away, and continued 'his search'. ahha.meanwhile, the girl still looking at the stuff. hopeless can.

haha. then at another shop. where all the baby products were. hilarious. should have brought my camera. the shop all like females. then the males all outside, leaning agains the railing. ahhaha. with shopping bags around them. and and and.. they were all standing at the same position. seriously, if i had my camera, i'll take my chance for the competition. ahha. but out of 4 men, only 3 were doing so lar. the other one talking on the phone.

had dinner. and went home. by then, i was really tired. came home, packed my stuff watch the famour korean show. and now here.


interesting huh. juz 2 days. and i can blog so so so so long..





coz GOD is big.
how is that related?
coz He's like protecting me lar. i could have like fall off the bus, or like fall off the curb and get rolled over or smth... or fall onto the ground w/l anybody knowing. haha. God has been protecting lar.
and also, i'm sure God took some virus away lar. thank you! (:



mothers day is coming. honestly, i haven been a gd daughter since i've started being bz with sch.. hmm.. sec 1,2? yea. gg to church even more also meant that less time spent with family on e wkends. (i hope she doesn't read this). honestly, i've been struggling at home to refrain from being mean to her naggings. she can juz go on and on and on.. and sometimes.. she gets angry by self (this is called self evaluting)... then starts getting angry and all. i know i can be a gd daugher as well. pray for that! thanks.

pray for my sick self again. been blogging abt this and now, gerldyne says that i've been falling sick.. which is true. this yr.. i've been in and out the hospital 3 times. ahha. not stay lar. but yea. serious. and quite a no. of minor sicks inbetween.
i know that in sec sch, i'm nv sick unless its cny or national day. i nv give little sicks. i get those need medical attention immediately. haha. this time round, it's diff. ): i pray for God's healing again. coz sch is starting.
i've missed 1 day of trng. and i think i've missed out alot. coach was like "see u on thurs" on the last sesson.. and i didn't go. i think coach's disappointed.


thank God for classmates who cared for me. for friends, and parent. haha.
cgh has never been an easy place to enter. now its better lar.
the ppl are are nice actually. they juz gotta be more more more efficient. it'll be much productive and task-orientated.

ok.

i thank God again. i'm goon askipp my spirital struggle. but all i know is that...
tmr i have worship practice for teens time as well as sunday service, unexpectedly.
AMEN!
thank God.




(longest self-typed post for the yr so far i think; imagaine if blogger fails..)
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thoughts.

haha. theres alot of dejavu gg around this wk. can't even rmbr. quite scary.

"i was asking for trouble when i went to run, thinking that coughing won't do harm."-coach Xavier Lau.

haha. coz i went for trng today, i inform him. so did like afew laps and that's it. so yea. might be changing coach and timing soon due to both parties time contraint. goona miss him even though for such a short period of time, coz he has encouraged me and motivated me alot.

so today, in the pool, my muscle aches were less pain. but now, they're coming back stronger. ahha. not sure if its the med effects or the water. hhaa. but i felt gd.
during trng.. another coach ask me if i'm interested and willing to commit to Triathelete.. not because i'm super gd or wad lar... but he is lacking of girls and ppl who do sports.

i've thought of committing to this sport. but, no lar.
not ready to accept the challenge yet. told him i'll get back to him in 4 mth's time when i hope i've settled down or smth. i hope that joanne will give it try coz i heard she's giving herself 1 yr. do pray for her knee injury.

the trng from him will be focusing on speed and strength. e endurance part is all up to an individual.
though i was like a 15 mins talk half in and out of the pool, i was reminded of certain things which did motivated me alot in my current stance. HOw great is our God eh?

1) "everyone can do it one lar. it that person give up, then will need motivation, encouragement and sure can do it one. but must look for commited ppl. cannot do, nvm, can train one."- the other coach, Alvin.

2) be committed. to sacrifice. to persevere.

3) since when did i say it was easy?

4) need to have that sense of urgency (from another trng lar)


so yea.

to be fully ultilised and to stay on the PPF curve, some of my best choices are forgone, and opportunity cost is increasing.


hmm. on a lighter note. it took the class 2 wks and 4 days to have the want to see me wearing a dress(!) or a skirt.siaow. coz today comm skills lesson, she talked abit on presentaion. have to wear nice nice stuff. dress pants can.. but how long can u last on that only? hmm.

so far. ok lar. still rock and on. so rock on. ahah. ok lame. i'm still with the fever and its like becoming my best friend. haha. i'm getting high and really lame now.. coz i'm typing perfectly lame stuff which i really had to deleted owing to the long load of crap.

haha.
ok.

off to eat now.

attack!

mc for 3 days and no PE for 1 wk. crazy can.

"You are asking for trouble if you play sports" -Dr. Yap

mc was then cut to 2 days due to pub hols on fri.

i'm like pespiring like some water bucket like that. he gave the same med. but my bodyaches are like v buaytahan kind. 1 step to cramp. ahha. its like cramping everywhere. haha. interesting how microscopic living organism can make a big human being mutate. ahha.

ok lar. dun worry. i'm fine. its some inflammation with strong and bad side effects according to him. haha. and he wants to see my previous blood test record 2 mths ago. hmmmm.. haha.

been sick.

yea. since sunday.. almost fainted on e way home.. fever on off ranging from 38.3 to 39.7. sorethoart, on off flu. and alot of phlegm. in the mornings, addition of blood. so yea. pls pray for me.
mum says it might be my lung prob thing i guess. haha.
my immune system is like v weak this yr. haiz.

haha. but. i manage to still go sch and survive trngs and all. thanks to suppressants called panadol. learnt from meipeng that panadol can tahan u for 4 hrs.. but not cure fever. smth like that. so yea.!

been taking quite a wide range of med i think.. long, round, flat. all kinds lar.. today, mum gave me 2 orange tablet.. once taken, will really pespire alot. like literally alot. ahha. my classmates were really amazed by e amt of sweat. hahah!


projects are starting to all come in at one shot. can't even rmbr our grp members lar..

oh. one more thing. rmbr abt my trials? yea. not sure if i'm in the team, coz acc to them, nobody knows, but most prob. coz nx month, i'll be rep tp in the inter colligate league. its a 3 month long league. from like 730 till 1030 on thurs. :(. my nights are taken man. but ok lar. abit scary though. coz they're sending 2 teams of 8. my team consist of only 2 girls, inc me. and i'm like new. so i'm like the only new girl around to rep. abt pressure. coz natually (i suppose) guys tend to score higher, then as a team, gotta keep up with them to remain defending champions acc to our ex tp capt, with alot of emphasis.

oh well. really hope will get smth.



keep praying.
i've been searching and seeking.
to be brief, juz to share with u guys lar.

i strongly suggested we should all juz depend on the Word and the Authour

honestly, this wk been emotionally tough.
i'm exhausted with human beings in general. not like sick and tired of u guys or anything like that. but its like to a point where by, u are juz tired of.. reaching out? not sure if that's the approp. word to use..
handling friendships , relationships are getting like getting on to the trough. mentally and emmotionally heavy? haha. i duno lar.

am i back to where i was?
was i even there?

haha. sometimes i think i'm psycho. in need of a pro psychaitrist to analysis me and give me med.


but i guess, for now, and ever, God is the best psychaitrist.

with the flash, its better.

gonna post these 2 pic first. not feeling well.

I Will - Sonicflood

My Saviour, Redeemer
My love and my Lord
I'll give You all of my heart
My will and my soul
You take me as I am
A scarred and broken man
Lord, I surrender all I have to You
To You

Refrain:
I will give you everything
I will, I will
Make my life an offering
I will, I will

My Saviour, I'll never
Forget what You've done
You carried the weight of my sin
To the cross, the victory's won!
You make my heart brand new
Now there's nothing I won't do
Lord, I surrender all I am to You, to You

So when I lose my life,
I save it, I save it
And by Your Grace I'm saved
I know, I know it
And when You were on the cross
You gave it, You gave it all
Oh, yes You did
You gave it all

(Refrain)

I will give my heart to You
I will, I will
Broken and poured out for You
I will, I will

No price I pay
Will ever be too great for me

To rest alone in the love You've shown
I'm free, I'm free

You took the stripes
You took the pain for me

So now I sing a song of hope
I'm free, I'm free

So now I sing Hallelujah
I'm free, I'm free

PAP

won. so expected.


choices.

i really dun like the idea of opportunity cost.. having the next best choice forgone.



i duno.

i am not confused.
i am juz _________ .
as u can see, i also duno. it likes a climatic shift in me. i cannot comprehend. i wouldn't say that i'm challenged.
But, i faces with choices.


disappointingly difficult choices.

let go. let down.

the class.. partially.. some missiing!!

this is khairul i know he's tall. but after looking at the photo, i kenna shock lar. i didnt know this different can.

on the way back. on the left, 2nd row, not our class mate. yea.

spot the no. of things in paralllel?? in cluding the light. ahhaha.not planned k. duno who's all those beind e table. haha.

esther and i. haha. cool huh. done by accident of nite scence mode.

the class..

haha. (:

ok.

we had class outing today. some didn't go, but its alright. went to eat. then play pool. ok. was alrigh lar. but our class realllly duno where to go and bond lar. ahha
i guess it takes time.
ohoh. we have a new student today!! he's Adli.. yep.


how i wish all LECUTURES are like today's csa's speed. 1hr and cover alll. shiok man. like that process faster, end faster, learn faster, confuse lesser.
really hope not as slow as accounts. can die ar. know also become dunno.

did sports today. fun! must see how long i can keep this.
the trng days might change. haiz. *keeping fingers crossed*


made new friends again.
know this girl called nicole from HTM. she's really nice. and she like me who wants to join alot of ccas as well.

u know wad.
i thank God for constantly giving me like 101 opportunities to thank Him. like everyday, i feel that He's protecting me in TP. not from any hard or danger or wassoeva.. but i jus feel so safe in foreign land.



God is constantly reminding me to be determined.


like when i watched the show da chang jin again... (though i've watched it b4..) i aspire to be like her. humble, hardworking, dilligent, intelligent, strong-willed.
posessing alot of qualities that i somewhat, desire.



i thank God lar. honestly, He's super amazing. Indescribable.

bowling forum

well. today was bowling forum.

TP bowling is competitive.
only 24 will make it to the training team.
12 will be selected for nationals.
and.. only
8 will play.



its gonna be tough jus to fight for that place. and what's super shoik is hat. if u're in the sch team, trng wil be fully subsidised.
yes. *gasp*
its like a core sport in tp.. so $20,000 is invested everyear into it.
okok.
i'm goona work hard and serve the sch well.

haha.

slowly, fostering tp's blood in me

today, its my first day into the library. i love the library alot alot. 11 storeys. and like so many study tables, research stuff, printing machines and all. in awe. i am really going to make an attempt to be consistant and work hard. yea



ok. gues wad. the bowling trials is this sunday. 10.30am. which means, i'm gg for 8 am service. abit sad. coz future trngs will be as such. therefore, i'll have to sacrifice playing guit for service as well as junior ss. really abit disappointed. well pray.


"In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps"
-Proverbs 16:9


oh oh. btw. ytd.. was like mega verse day for me. haha.
amazing.

more econs for u....

"Whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ."
- Philippians 3:7
haha. opportunity cost!

and also on demand & supply...
"As goods increase, so do those who consume them."
- Ecclesiastes 5:11

stumbling upon sara's post...

couldn't help but to break the copyright rule heavily being banged on by dear TP.


oh!.. i recieved this sms on the 27/4/2006 at 12.18am. haha. i must blog bout this... this msg was sent by Marian.

" Sara. I suddenly miss u alot leh. "

wahahaha... i had to reread the msg a few times..hehehe. Like once in a blue moon you see her saying this kind of thing lah! nono. sms this kind of thing.hahaha. Couldn't help it lah... after reading that msg, it broke a smile on my face. haha... it so happened that on that day too, i was thinking about how as Marian starts school, we would be a different ends of the island and it would be so difficult to communicate with her.. knowing she doesn't want to waste sms, and seldom chats on the phone lah. hahaha.
Its going to be hard to keep in touch with all these secondary friends. ahhh!.. i've been wondering how to cope with studies, ministry, old friends, new friends, CCA.. aahhh.. all these are driving me nuts. have to quickly settle them.






hmm.. hydrophillic bonds. HARS.

oh man. LAMOFREAK. i want to see u in action- real live, soon soon soon. ahha. when time and schedule permits. ahha.

*distance may draw us further, but it make the heart grow fonder.* haha.
-cliche enough for u? wahhahahahah.s - LAUGH. its been long with this lit thingy.

more..

my acconts lecturer keep saying really hilarious things. the students in the theatre laughed, just to justify my statement. ahha.
and today's accounts, i really dun understand. why? coz he gooess soo super slow.
5 pages... 2hrs. imagaine that. in jc.. thats like abt 20mins-30mins lar.
he goes slow that he keep elaborating till i blurr. hafta go and read again. ahhaha.


a quote from mr. seah, APEL tchr, aka, Careperson.
"if u have a problem, go to a girl if u want sympathy but go to a guy if u want a solution"

been bumping into really alot of pri sch friends. the Tampines ppl. or rather, the EAST side ppl.. ahhaa. but so far, only like encounter 1 girl from shps, which is jasmine law. where's all the other girls man??

hmmm. suddenly rmbred this person i met at shss, adeline's friend.. freak out. finally recognise him. couldn't rmbr him at all, untill today. ahah.
suffering from dementia. haha.

okok..

i'm looking forward to gg to sch.. why?

CCA!!!!
ahha

tmr's some bowlig forum.. and the day after is some try out of another cca. haha. so fun! can't wait for next wk. haha.

oh yea, i've also signed up for Production Crew as well. its like logistics. smth which i've been wanting to do for a loong loong while.


been looking around in friendster. quite cool to know that my friends know my friends whom also know my friends through my other friends. haha.
the photos.
and and and. i think my WHOLE CLASS went jc. ahha. (not exaggerating). ahha. i'm OUTstanding as always from a four-sixer05. ahha. haha. still as now. and and and.. so many ppl joined council *congrats man. AM PROUD OF U GUYS. HAHA. soar on wings. haha. born to stand out our class motto...haha.those were the days




(: keep praying for those in the midst of their exams now!

the terrain.haha. nice pic ar.

lost and found. hahha.a

looks liike lost.

resilence.

hike

yahaha.

ytd.. when for a 7km hike with church mates! haha. ok lar. was fun. char and i attempted to run. upslope, and like after 4mins or so, canot already. aha. quite steep k. hahaha.

took photos. not very impressive ones.. okok ones.. but yea. was fun..

after, went back church, and got fever. ahah. coz i had sorethroat in the morning, and alittle flu. ahha. so i think i sped up the reaction. Dennis gave me a parcetamol. then was alright. that one really good. then felt much better. ahha. for dinner, ate 2 bowls of noodles. so yea.

went home.. i think the medicine loosing its power.. then got really sick.
i really felt like end was near. literally. i even typed a 'saved msg' in my phone.. so tt if i really die, when ppl read my phone.. they'll know that when someone is gg to dies, he/she will know. ahah. okok. nvm.
i was in my room, the door opened, fan offed, windows closed, trying to source out energy to msg char. haha.

and thus, i DIDN'T SWIM TODAY. argh. 1 straight wk already. no sports!


so today. studied with daniel. haha. gd gd lar. not that i had alot of work to do.. did my tutorials! (note the exclaimation mark). and did some of my stuff. but somehow, felt really tired.


ok. nxt wk is all the cca stuff. i hope that i really can have energy lar. okok.


btw. read my tag board. juz gland's msg will do. HILARIOUS CAN.


Gland: black coffee=kopi-o, black marian=mariano



ok.. some quick fun stuff...


-

The boy's name Mariano is pronounced mahr-ee-AHN-oh. It is of Spanish and Latin origin, and its meaning is "manly." Also possibly related to Mars; a masculine variant of Marie. Marion, the English form (Marian for girls) was the given name of John Wayne, but is rarely used for American boys today.

-



haha. hmm. GLANDINATOR