once again... falling back. succumbing to stress and pressure. grasping for time and freedom. tests after tests, hw after hw, scoldings after scolding, disappointments after disappointments. is failure really the step to success? too much failure, how about that?... wad if i dun live till my success? cries are unheard, pleas are ignored. one cannot help oneself. not even myself. cannot even be addicted to work. putting on a mask to sch. the happy self. wads behind that colourful world? i love gg to sch.. coz it makes me wrk, focus and study. not at home. a really lifeless home. juz so empty. hope the mask doesn't crash into pieces one day. i cannot accept.
ppl are like really improving and i'm really back silding. jin sheng's one of them. right?... i cannot seem to find that spark of willingness to be hardworking and the urge to study- to learn. juz reading plain dead bks. am i really the only one? i'm last in class! how about that. bowling is really addictive and affecting me. this sux. wed is my last trng..... then break for 3mths... i'm happy to the extent that i can rest, breathe and catch up with my wrk. but.. i miss bowling,.. nvm that.. but wad if i back slde bowling. and not being able to regain my form? i'm gonna waste my 3 yrs of effort for nxt yr. i cannot affort to lose any time and energy.
how i wish i am rich. filled wif cash. though it can't buy u happiness, at least it can indirectly buy time.. i can always have a chauffer to fetch me evrywhere i go.. to save travelling time.. and at the same time, do my wrk... i can always have the money to buy loads and loads of bks.. to gain knowledge and for info.. i can always buy health products to gain sufficient energy for the day. i can buy many things juz to satisfy myself.
but no. currently, i'm like applying for some fund thing,,... coz my family income is currently $0. plain zero. wads goes away never comes back.oh wells.. who says this is a fair world? tsk.
wad i have to do now, pratically, is to really pay attention and force myself to have energy. pray to God that i'm able to sustain myself for a whole day of energy-consuming activities wif really little slp. can u imagine..... if i juz need 2h of slp everyday and wun feel tired even if i do vigouros activities everyday.... wun that be great?ahha. hallucinating.
life is really like a bed of roses, filled wif red, tempting flowers that contains pricky thorns that hurt you. looks can be deciving. this is life. full stop. end.


:: songs that explains me by avril. ::

Anything but ordinary
Sometimes I get so weird
I even freak myself out
I laugh myself to sleep
it's my lullaby
Sometimes I drag so fast
just to feel the danger
I wanna scream it makes me feel alive
Chorus:
Is it enough to love? is it enough to breathe ?
Somebody rip my heart out & leave me here to bleed
Is it enough to die, somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please
To walk within the lines
would make my life so boring
I want to know that i have been to the extreme
so knock me off my feet
c'mon now give it to me
anything to make me feel alive
Chorus:
Is it enough to love? is it enough to breathe?
Somebody rip my heart out & leave me here to bleed
Is it enough to die somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please
Let down your defenses, use old common sense
if you look you will see that this world is a
beautiful, accident, turbulent, soculent, oculent, permanent no way
I wanna taste it, don't wanna waste it away...
Sometimes I get so weird i even freak myself out
I laugh myself to sleep it's my lullaby
Chorus:
Is it enough? Is it enough? is it enough to breathe?
Somebody rip my heart out & leave me here to bleed
Is it enough to die? somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please
Is it enough? is it enough to die somebody save da life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please (oh)
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please

Losing Grip
Are you aware of what you make me feel, baby?
Right now I feel invisible to you, like I'm not real
Didn't you feel me lock my arms around you?
Why'd you turn away?
Here's what I have to say:
I was left to cry there, waitin' outside there
Grinnin' with a lost stare
That's when I decided
Chorus:
Why should I care?
'Cuz you weren't there when I was scared
I was so alone
You, you need to listen!
I'm startin' to trip, I'm losin' my grip
And I'm in this thing alone
Am I just some chick you placed beside you
To take somebody's place?
When you turn around can you recognize my face?
You used to love me, you used to hug me
But that wasn't the case
Everything wasn't okay
I was left to cry there, waitin' outside there
Grinnin' with a lost stare
That's when I decided
Repeat Chorus
Cryin' out loud
I'm cryin' out loud
Cryin' out loud
I'm cryin' out loud
Open your eyes
Open up wide
Why should I care?
'Cuz you weren't there when I was scared
I was so alone
Repeat (2x):
Why should I care?
'Cuz you weren't there when I was scared
I was so alone
Why should I care?
If you don't care then I don't care
We're not goin' anywhere


Naked
I wake up in the morning
Put on my face
The one that's gonna get me
Through another day
Doesn't really matter
How I feel inside
This life is like a game sometimes
Then you came around me
The walls just dissapeared
Nothing to surround me
Keep me from my fears
I'm unprotected
See how I've opened up
You've made me trust
{chorus}
I've never felt like this before
I'm naked around you
Does it show
You see right through me
And I can't hide
I'm naked around you
And it feels so right
Trying to remember
Why I was afraid
To be myself
And let the covers fall away
Guess I never had someone like you
To help me fit in my skin
{chorus}
I'm naked around you
Does it show
I'm naked around you
I'm so naked around you
And I can't hide
You're gonna see right through baby



Unwanted
All that I did was walk over
Start off by shaking your hands
That's how it went
I had a smile on my face
and I sat up straight
Oh yeah yeah
I wanted to know you
I wanted to show you
~*Chours*~
You don't know me
Don't ignore me
You don't want me there
You just shut me out
You don't know me
Don't ignore me
If you had your way
You'd just shut me up
Make me go away
No i just don't understand why you
Wont talk to me it hurts that i'm
So unwanted for nothing don't
Talk words against me
I wanted to know you
I wanted to show you
~*Chours*~
You don't know me
Don't ignore me
You don't want me there
You just shut me out
You don't know me
Don't ignore me
If you had your way
You'd just shut me up
Make me go away
I tried to belong it didn't seem wrong
My head aches
It's been so long
I'll write the song if that's what it takes
~*Chours*~
You don't know me
Don't ignore me
You don't want me there
You just shut me out
You don't know me
Don't ignore me
If you had your way
You'd just shut me up
Make me go away
~*Chours*~
You don't know me
Don't ignore me
You don't want me there
You just shut me out
You don't know me
Don't ignore me
If you had your way
You'd just shut me up
Make me go away



Mobile
Went back home again,
this sucks, gotta pack up and leave again
Say goodbye to all my friends,
cant say when ill be there again
Its time now to turn aroud
Turn my back on everything
Turn my back on everything
Chorus:
Everythings changin' when i turn around,
all out of my control,
im a mobile
Everythings changin' when i turn around,
all out of my control,
im a mobile.
Ouhh yea
Start back at this life,
Stretch myself back into the vibe
Im wakin up to say ive tried,
Instead of waking up to another T.V Guide
Its time now to turn around
turn and walk on this crazy ground...
Chorus:
Everythings changin' when i turn around,
all out of my control,
im a mobile
Everythings changin' out of what i know,
Everywhere i go,
im a mobile.
im a mobile.
Hanging from the ceiling
Life's a mobile
Spinning 'round with mixed feelings
Crazy and wild
Sometimes I wanna scream out loud
Everything's changing everywhere I go
All out of my control
Everything's changing everywhere I go
Out of what I know
yeah yeah yeah
La la la la la la la la...
Chorus
Everythings changin' when i turn around,
all out of my control,
im a mobile
Everythings changin' out of what i know,
Everywhere i go,
im a mobile.
Everywhere I go
I'm a mobile