WWJD

i have issues.
hahas. seriously.
on 2 separate occasions.


ok, i think u shouldn't bother even reading this post.
coz i think u'll change ur impression of me.
ok, maybe i dont really know what u think of me, but i guess after reading this post, u'll be shock to know what my mind is capable of such childish thoughts even though i've walked through life through this stage.





as a christian holding on to the Word,
as a girl growing up in a convent sch with strong sch values,
and as a daughter being brought up in a, well.. typically proper family in sg,
i think i should be ashamed of what my actions. whether i mean them or not.


today.. i got so mad at a car. so for that stretch of road down to trng, i hated every single car around me. for speeding cars close behind me, i reduce my speed significantly. for super slow cars, i tailgate.


situaiton #1.
ok, so here's the story.
i wanted to stop by the side to put in my cash card coz i totally didn't see the ERP gantry coming up. i've never travelled CTE at that time before and rarely taken that exit. amk ave 5. so i wasn't aware of that ERP in operation. i signaled right, and wanted to stop by the side. but the car behind kept horning. i mean i wasn't blocking the road k. though it was a one-way road (which made things easier than a 2-way road), it was a wide road which can easily accomodate 1 + 3/4 width of a normal car. but the lady driver just had to honk me like mad. non-stop.
ok. i felt pressured, so i just rode on w/o a cash card in my IU, passing through the lited ERP gantry with an empty IU. this means i'm waiting for LTA to send me a letter to pay a $8 fine (if i rmbr correctly). i got damn mad. $0.75 vs $8. and somemore, instead of studying during the 2-day holiday before the 100 qns M11 exam coming up, i went to work. and for some reason, so many ppl ordered popeyes today. so i earned about $7 worth of allowance for the petrol fee. 10-6pm, just to... pay.off.this.fine.
UGH. road rage.

i got so so so angry, that i unwillingly lifted my right middle finger up so that the driver could see. it was a BMW btw. as she sped, i gave my pursuit which lasted for not more than 10sec coz immediately, i felt foolish, uncouth and super ill-mannered.


yes, by right i was wrong to want to stop at the side. but i wasnt obstructing any traffic right. and i wouldn't take me more than 10 sec to put my cash card in. but i guess some ppl are just some ppl. i should have practiced patience and tolerance instead of being so vulgar and just unbecoming. very ashamed of my actions, really. i mean, i could have escalated right. but i held be just in time before it did; perhaps tolerance and patience should have been a reflex action rather than through a latent thought process.
bah. unbecoming.





situation #2
and just ytd, something happened in sch.
i got sabotaged.
it wasn't like the for fun kind, but the seriously i-want-to-sabo-u kind.
wasn't anything major, but to me, internally, it was to an extent. not so much of the situation itself, but by how i responded to it.
i mean come on, my age vs what phase of life am i in now vs the ppl around me. we may not agree with each other on how things are done because of how differently we're being brought up, but it really speaks alot when u do such low actions. and by saying tt ur actions are low, i have set upon a form of judgement and its something i dont want to do.

basically, we're supposed to write our emails on a piece of paper being passed around. this is for some exam hints/tips that we're gonna get. so when the paper was finalized with the person who was collating it, he told me that my email got striked off. thankfully he knew my email add, so he checked with me first.

almost instinctively, my thought process got very practical and i started to identify evidences to point out who did it. it was being striked off in pencil. and there's one email, being written in pencil. and this person, i know, have some issues with me. and he always writes his stuff in pencil. the only one in class who does so. so it was like an outright suspect kinda thing. but i dont want to jump to conclusions. but well, the more i thought i give to it, the more i was bent into finding out who hated me to that extend. i know there's another guy who hates me in class though he doesn't own a pencil, neither did the ppl sitting around me owns one. for my classmates, i can say that 80% dont even bring stationary to sch (and i'm not talking about a complete pencil box, but just some form of writing material), let alone a pencil. so my suspects got narrowed down.
but all these evidences aren't concrete. eh. i watch hk dramas and i know what's solid evidences which can be validated and whats not. hahahs.  but anyway, i did become a tad too bitchpls with that first prime suspect that i jokingly went up to him (w/o any form of clarification or anything) and said "eh, ask u ah, u got some probs with me issit. hahas". yes, with that 'haha'.
but his answer just had to further support my suspicion when he said "err.. why?". hahahs. i mean he could like jokingly 2-facedly say "no." with a ha-ha back right.

ok. as i continue to type this down, i feel that i'm freakin' shallow.



anyway. so the guy who's doing the collation was one of my closer friends in sch, so he knew the whole thing and in the end, didn't include him in the email thread.
ok.
initial reaction: hah, serves u right.
but after like sec, i just felt so ashamed of my actions and the 4-letter acronym came up to my head.
WWJD
what would Jesus do.
love ur neighbour as urself?
do what you want others to do unto you?
your thoughts are your actions?
if he slaps u on e right, let him slap u on the other?

that's all what the Word says.
and the Word, being written by the prophets and ppl like such of the olden days, was from God.
so if those are God's words, they're... "God's Words lehh"-with a its-serious-you-know-singlish tone to it. how sia.

the more i thought about it, the more i knew i should again, be more patience, kind, loving, understanding, faithful, and at least be honest to myself.  :/


and it was gym day with gym buddy.
and to cut the long short, i shared with my gym buddy. and i think, he accidentally let out some signs for me to know that he knew who it was.
and for him to know who it was, it couldn't have been the prime suspect i thought of all along, but the other 2 whom were my secondary suspects. though i pestered him to tell me who it was, he didn't. good la, at least it proves that he's a trust-worthy friend, keeping to his promise to his other friend. and also, he somehow knew that the email wasn't sent out to my prime suspect, so he took the initiative to forward the email to him. ok.
and my initial reaction to that was: good, glad that he send it out.
the honest intention for that goodness wasnt because it satisfied by remote guilt and subtle remorse, but i was genuinely secretly happy that yes, my prime suspect who has some issues with me did recieve those exam tips/hints for his own good.







and so, i both occasions in these 2 days, i haven't been that good; i.e not so positive. not just being negative, but just blatantly self-centred and to an extent, selfish.
i'm not going to blame anything or anyone around me, but when ppl start doing bad things so normally that it really becomes a norm, personally, u will lean towards that tangent to thinking that 'doing bad is ok'.
then it becomes socially acceptable.
in context, its just like a social shift, how the generation moves. how market researchers have their classifications of the Gen X Gen Y ppl and ll. its all about how society thinks, moves, adapts and perceive what's socially acceptable which in turn, have some effects on our personal principles and values.



i know i'm not like that and i think i should start being disciplined about it.
i guess its something that i have to take some conscious effort for a change to happen. i dont want it to be a habit, but i want it to be something i truly and sincerely believe in.






anyway. still trng hard.
ytd, after gym, went to take my 2.4km timing and was damn sad. in sec sch, my cca was bowling, though it's a sport, its not THAT of a physical one if u compare it to touch football or rugby. and now, after much physical trngs in my life, i'm sad to say, my timing increased by 2 mins.
after that i tried to do incline pull-ups. and i rmbr doing like 21 in 30sec in sec sch.
doing alone at the fitness corner, i found myself struggling after a miserable 7.
it feels like my #lifehasbeealie. all that trng and now, such results.
of course, its not a fair comparison coz when i'm younger, i'm light with lesser mass also right.
ok and maybe the bar wasn't the right height and stuff like that la.




it finally came.
too late, coz it'll be a day 4 and still in the cycle by sunday. ): woes of being a lady.
and today, super aching from gym.
and everything made my back very very superly sore and miserable in the morng.







how exciting my life is not right.
and i think i am gg to really die on sunday. coz instead of 12k, the run's and with all the obstables is actually 14km.
amen.




and to end off with a quote for my coach today, in pursuit to making our last 4 or 5 trngs count before the Finals....

"what we think is not important. (laughs) ok, no. i mean,

It is important that what we think, but it should not be more important than what needs to be done"

the prep.

one more week to the urbanathlon.

last wk was the normal hectic week.
finally feelin' the weight of being in 2 seasons concurrently..
and i think my physical body got battered down with a 38.7 fever.
i guess all the trng in the rain and then riding home against the wind being soaking wet finally took its toll.

gulped down duno what medicines from mother poon's med box.

last night, while trying to find the thermometer in mother Poon’s room… I stumbled upon a black pouch with a mild alltoofamiliar oil-ish decomposing smell… So I knew whose pouch was it.. Opened it to find some old coins and some old cards. 

Some of the passes have been taken back by the respective authority, so finding this was quite a surprise. Feeling quite sick and not looking forward to facing a day in sch with not so pleasant ppl. But upon seeing this, it really did assured my course of study and the direction that I’m heading towards. (: proud so say that he’s a well liked t/l of Charlie shift. And I’m secretly hoping to meet his old friends in the airside if they’re still around. ✈

the pills really knocked me out totally and i had a very goood sleep. in the morng, the throat was a killer. the phlegm was gross with bloodish colour. erks.

and otw to sch today, was just thinking about my dad and i think i really miss him. i teared along the way and was quite freaked out that i was being emotional just like that. siaow.

maybe its the virus getting on me.

anyways. finally made my application to siaec last wed. hope to hear from them soon.

ok. and so. friday...

hahahahahahhahahas. 

hilarious. was working normally. for some reason, lotsa orders. totally no time to even eat dinner. but was good coz i got lotsa tips! so when i tweetted about my trips, one of my friend retweeted his friend's tweet. HAHAHAHS. i dun think i'm the only female delivery girl in sg, maybe just for Popeyes for now. i'm sure there's more at mac's side; know of 1 vietnamese lady rider working at bedok reservior's hub.

then sat was the games. won the Ladies game. lost the Mixed while being up against one of the stronger teams in the field. well played and we'll go up from there.

went to collect the race pack for urbanathlon at Athlete's Circle at boon tat st.

then went to the Central to try and get my faulty earphones fixed. didn't have my receipt, so can't be warrantied. forget it. wasn't willing to spend another sum of money on the same earpiece. the remote's faulty.. it keep skipping the songs and playing by itself. wastes my battery. bah!

finally a late lunch at subway and won a free cookie from the scratch card. HAHAS.

i'm nv lucky, so i'm guessing all the cards are free cookies.

then evening came.

game at CCAB. 

finally played a full game of contact. but the oppo was so lacked in numbers so they had borrow our players to carry on a full 15s game. was quite good actually. 

we won. and 1 more game before the finals in 2 wks.

homed.

crashed.

and sunday. went church. had some meetings.
saw you walking past while we're having lunch at the coffeeshop. unexpected. but my heart (finally) didn't skip a beat this time. nothing of such really interest me now as so to say. i guess i've given up on anything.



ANYWAYS.

and then to the flea with the girls at Singapore National Museum!

lotsa cool vintagey stuff. 

i like this cool bag man.

its by Alchemy Goods (AG). its made from recycle bicycle parts! the tyre's the main mateial so its water-proof though i doubt that it can take on heavy storms.

and the zipper is made from the air valve! the strap's made from a seatbelt!

good job. and some more recycled.

but i'm not paying $165 for it. 

more cool pop up cards...

funky shirts. "CCTV- ah kong is watching u"  ahhahahs

and very very very nice Earl Grey biscuit. freakin' tastes like earlgrey. they probably used the tealeaves or smth.

 super refreshing for a biscuit like that. and they sell lotsa other nice cupcakes and atas deserts. more photos on my fb!

ahahas. then dinner with some of my adventure/ photog khakis. been too long. and we need to do an epic trip soon when we've got the time and moneyy. T'was a good catch up with the guys over the steamboat place, a walk round seng poh road with all the old vintagey houses, and then chilling out at Orange Thimble.

atas tea.

wasn't feeling too good since morng, but managed to be alive throughout the day.

so tadahhhh. hello monday.

likkabooom.

and i made a choice not to go for trng today. i mean i think i'm physically capable of surviving a trng session by evening time. but i know there won't be any good out of it. and plus, it was a thunderstorm outside today. all round Singapore, striking at its infamous peak period traffic.
i needed some physical rest and be of full health asap.
so i stayed in sch. valued my time by studying for M11 exam. tired. but worthwhile.

so some of my drawings in sch.

actually dun really need to draw the system out la. not required but got bored of studying and i needed some form of constructive entertainment.

the hydraulic pump..

and some other instruments..

(:

ok. and this wk is NO SNACKKING WEEK.

sun's the run and i want to be fit for it, not competitively, but just to be able to survive it.

good to be sick now. coz i know once i recover, chances of me falling sick within a wk is lower and almost nil. ahhaas. i'm just more worried for not being able to recover from sat's full game day.

paid attention to the 'experiment' i did this wk and realized that no matter how much warm up/down stretching i do, amount of water i drink, 8 hours of rest is not enough. let alone 5 hrs. - to be ready for the next day.

and infact - i fell sick right on sunday. HAHHAS.

been long since i've gotten a fever. but thank God its just a short one. (:

and yes. i hope my monthly best friend comes now. i dun want it to spill over sunday. coz its just not nice. period. hahahas. word pun there.

ok. reposting some photos of him before i end my night.

good night. 

i am good. 

up from the pit

today's trng felt like it set off my internal alarm system.

quite a fair bit to share though i'm physically quite tired.

felt like i haven't recovered from sat's games.

we had a short but meaningful debrief.

and this is what our coach brought up, word for word, with that deep gusto in her voice.

so true. so real.

i'm tired and i dun feel like blogging much tonight.
but for now, i just wanna say that i'm starting to retrieve back that deep essence towards sports and in particular, rugby, that i've lost long ago w/o me knowing. 

it strayed and got dispersed.
but i believe tt a change is heading towards my direction.


Rugby is not just a sport. its a lifestyle.
and we're not just playing for ourselves, but for the club, for one another.
if we dont give our best and experience all those emotional extremities during a game and have the time of our lives, when are we going to do so.




just stay focused. stay positive.
let our actions be good habits that can be cultivated form good trngs.
channel our efforts and strength appropriately and dont waste it.
especially not on things or people who are just doing the opposite by bringing u down.

packed wkend

another packed wkend.

but well spent.

Sat was maximized to the fullest. 930am till 10pm at turf city.

STL season started, as usual, playing in the Womens and Mixed cate this yr.

first game for the the season, plus after the longgg break for CNY = rough start.
slowly but surely.
won the womens game, but i guess we're still searching for the chemistry.
lost the mixed game. 7-6 to Bucks. we've never lost to them, but we didnt play smart and our middle defense policy was really one of the main casual factors.

then it was about lunch.
studied abit over lunch.
the floodgates of the skies opened again.


soon, it was time to warm up again for the 15s league.
my left thigh cramped up like man. first time.
eminent lightning, but sinfully negligible.
lost. 4 tries to nil. 0-20.
probably the biggest margin against them.
drew them in the last round. lost this round. but we should be meeting them in the finals. and that's probably the game to beat.
):
soaked in the rain right through, the lost was cold. a defeat to be remembered.






then it was bel's bday at walawala.
hesitated to go abit coz i'm so covered with dirt and mud and was physically quite exhausted. no bathing facility or even a proper hose. there's a morng running on the next day so i couldn't skip dinner. bought some sushi from Giant and ate them otw to holland village.


quite a good time spent.
always good to hang out with friends where u can be who you are because even if they judge you, they wont harm u.
bel was totally gone. and i doubt that she can even rmbr the cake that the girls got for her. was good to catch up with ex-teammates as well. (:

left at 2am and my eyeslids were darn heavy. forced myself to sing out loud while riding otw home and because the Zmonster was too potent, i had to intermittently shout out loud so that my voice is loud enough to wake my inner being up to make it home, safely. ahas.


bathe.
put on my trusty Recovery Skins...
and KO-ed even if it means to sleep with wet hair.




managed to wake up on time and headed down a long cold ride to the Zoo. hahahhas
was physically tired from sat's activities but managable.
rare few times that i'm in a running even with friends. meisy, kelvin, weiyu and i made a new friend john! hahas. he's an a/c tech from Saesl!
anyway heing we took part in the 6km fun run cate. weiyu and john ran the competitive 12km route this morng and decided to create a 18km cate by joining us for around round. hahahas.
we walked 90% of the time coz the weather was too chillax. but at the 3km mark, it started to rainn.

first time i literally had sucha fun run with fun rubbish friends. (:

it was also quite a family-ish friendly category. so it was very family oriented. warmth through the cold. about the management of the event, really improved from previous yrs. the management of the crazy traffic esp along mandai road was surprisingly good!
the event tee was dark red while the children had luminious yellowish-green shirt; it was easy to finding any missing child. good planning!
baggage sorting area was also excellent.
nothing much to complain about even though this yr was quite overwhelming as reflected during the mad racepack collection.


rained again otw home and realized i've really missed the sunshine. been training, running, riding in the rain for about maybe 4 consecutive days?
cold.soaked.dirty.unforgivingwind.
thank God that i'm not sick as i'm constantly reminding myself to gulp down sufficient water.


tried to clear some of the photos and vids i owe ppl.
fighting with the heavy eyelids and i gave in for about 20mins.


then it was the long-ago-planned-cny-dinner-cum-gab's-bday. (:
probably my best group mates ever. this group of friends, we're always very open with each other.
we share about everything with each other its really just v comforting to spend time with them.
we've gone through quite abit during the poly times, fighting against the deadlines. all's good.
thank God for them.

-



so yes. now i'm home.
and back to weekday mode tmr.







and just found out.
2 friends got engaged (yuanting & mel)
1 got married (peggy)
1 got pregnant
and a few more distant one who just gave birth.
maddd.
i can officially say that i'm in this phase.
it was since last June that i start getting such news.


Sara's pregnant! my top 5 best friends in my life. omg.
so fast! so excited for her. can't wait for her to yet unfold another chapter in her life.
and :D to see Sam's baby looking alot like a handsome Jeff-jnr.




idk but this month especially, though its all CNY, got lots of changes/updates about marriages, giving births, break-ups, getting together, proposal....
hahas. i dun think its Lee S L 's effort in encouraging more couples and hence the babies for this population quo for a growing independent state, but somehow, its working.






anyway. i'm gg to crash soon.
for i do not want Monday blues to set in.
and i havent thought about tmr's lunch. :/

Valentines Day.

ok now, so after u've collected all ur angpows, dun tell me u're gonna spend them all on a dinner or like
just for someone else whom u deemed special.


hahas. well, its been rainnninggg the whole day.
(i think i've mentioned abt the rain at least for a few blogpost in a row by now)
had to battle the morng heavy downpour to be back at sch. and just as u thought the rain couldn't get heavier, the sky fell and it literally looked as if the floodgates above had opened.


start of the Avionics part of the lesson today.
more interesting than i thought it'd be. but the teacher is clear, and quite to the point; so its easy to understand. though he doesn't follow the lecture notes at all (coz clearly since day 1, materials given from the school just sucks), following his lesson is still good.


anyway, today was just rain. sch. rain. trng. and then rain. homed.
soaked the whole day. coz my jacket was wet, shirt was wet through my SB and even my undies. ): cold and zero-warmth.
with the classroom aircond blowing like mad and having a sucky sch management that keeps the controls and dun allow us to adjust the temp, the word 'frostbite' did occur in my mind. HAHAHS. that extreme; but of course wont la. hahas
finally homed after trng, which we didn't really had a proper trng as usual coz the floodlights didn't come on due to the lightning warning i suppose (yes, we still headed out).
still cold even though we're perspiring.

and..... homed to.... homecooked steak + veggies with my one and only valentine! she did the vegs and of course, me being a self-proclaimed pro, did the steak. hahahs. the pro telling the actual pro that she's pro. ahhas. 不自量力 indeed. but well, she said it was good ok. so, PASSED. (:
after the nice warm hot bath and satisfying meal, my day was good. (:

and so. this yr, i got like a box of personally-made cakes from someone.
really couldn't meet up at all, so he had to resort to leaving it at my home. but mother poon wasn't in, so he had to follow the contingency plan which was to leave it at my house the photoshop downstairs so mother poon can help me pick it up when she's otw home from her marketing.

thank you.
:) nice to have someone giving u personally-made stuff on days like this. but i really felt bad la. :l but thanks for the thought, effort, and friendship. i'm just gonna take it as a nice cake from u k.


keeping.it.simple.







-





valentines day.


really.
i mean yea, for what we have such a special day right when it's really everyday that we love a person whom we truly love.
i mean i can google the origins of 14 feb.. but reading halfway, the story's abit complicated and i give up since there's no point to it anyways.

i guess its just another specific day created for us an opportunity to be nice to a person.
it probably also gives some form of strength, courage, and probably a legitimate reason for anyone to express his feelings to do the things he's never dared to do before. probably also a chance for reconciliation, a platform to put one's ego aside and the list goes on. whatever it is, its just another day to feel special and show appreciation with our loved one.


and of course, not forgetting a time for short-term business opportunities, where one $2 stalk of rose from the market can easily cost $10; one $30 set meal and anyhow market till it's $100 and ppl will still empty their pockets for it. hahas.
and yes, where quiet places are no longer quiet. i rmbr running to ecp once on valentines day and shocked to see the breakwaters filled with couples. like the whole stretch was so filled with couples tt it seemed like an alternating chain of  boy-girl-boy-girl. where's the privacy!  awkward. u should take a stroll down the waters by esplande too. i'm sure, these are hotspots to be selling one stalk of rose for $10.
hahas. ur ROI is 400% can.




to be in a boy-girl relationship.


what's really the definition?
the holding of hands? the moment we say we are in it? the first kiss? the start of going past normal physical boundaries? thinking of each other almost at every min of the day? the commitment? the feeling of ican'tlivewithoutyou? total sense of security for ur future?
what holds? seriously.
what's that clear distinct line?
in the past (probably in light that i grew up normally with a teenager-mind), it was the moment where one starts the confession, the other follows accordingly and soon the holding of hands.
how distinct, literal and clear huh. now, ppl can just start holding hands, throw 'i love you' back and forth like how often we use hashtags, and still say they're just friends. eh, i dun mean like holding hands during orientation games or when situation calls of it la k. u know what i mean.
the daily msges?
-good morning-
-what r u doing now-
-good night-
what does it all mean? do we really care or are they just the official matchstick to start a conversation proper.


as we start to complicate our life further, our relationships with people around us get strained.
its because we simultaneously start to lose our once clear definition and meaning. quite sad actually. coz its no longer as simple as it should be, clouded with many unnecessary doubts.
maybe even for me now, the simple gesture of holding hands is no longer as sacred and special because everyone else is doing it. the world simply dilutes the signification action for affection.
so sad actually.
ya, then we complain.
then we get lost, start using tumblr to stumble upon quotes that quite fit the missing puzzle.
is just like digging our own deep hole, throwing our most favourite item down and complain we can't find it.




ok. anyway. i really dk who is reading this, but i'm just gg to be honest.
really, i thank God for trng today though.
otherwise, i really duno how to face, manage and handle all these.
some guys are really so nice. too nice that i start to doubt that i've got that ability to be nice to them even just as friends. it's a near low self-esteem issue in this sense for me, but instead of fearing that i'm the one to get hurt, i'll be the one hurting them. yea. i feel bad just giving excuses. but 长痛不如短痛 right.

though i've managed large-scale camps, be co-ordinators and facilitators and even spoken to the whole school (with teachers and principals) during a disciplinary open board session with as an exco prefect, i guess i'm still a very typical shy and secretly conservative peranakan girl. though i may be expressive, idk how to express myself at times nor say the best things at times. i do think before i speak, but sometimes the verbal language comes out too fast before the mind is able to withhold it. the damage is done and too bad, now work on mending it. and if deems too exhausting, let it go.
whatever it is, when it comes to bgr, i need to retreat.



in these recent months, its been a cliche roller-coaster journey for me. because of the ups, we have the downs. and just like a roller coaster, the higher u go, the faster u fall. being caught in such a cycle, i have come to conclusion that i'd rather it be on a plain and smooth track. though boring, mundane and meaningless, at least it's safe. safe to mend the broken patches. safe for the time-being. safe for now.
presenting opportunities for happiness just equates it to giving it a reasons to beat that happiness down from that height.
idk if its me growing up or rather, the changes in issues that i'm facing, i'm experiencing moodswings #likei'veneverhadbefore. really. sometimes it shocks me to a point that i start to hate myself for that moment.
it.just.doesn't.make.sense.
that's just humans. we're never really satisfied in the places that we're in. when were in it, we complain. when we're out of it, we pine for it.


was looking at some of my team-mates just now.
not the kind of 'look' that u're thinking of right now. hahahahs.
but as i look at how hard some of them train, how focused and how far they've come, i'm in full admiration and respect. we're all girls. on the outside, some of them wear dainty dresses, pretty nail polish, and carry themselves so well in sleek heels. but on the inside, they're so bloody made of steel. literally bloody when it comes to rugby. see how aggressive they make their tackles, how fast they can run and bring a huge opponent down, how the mud gets into their nails but still never failing to take pretty instragram photos with it. even with a torn ligament, just tape it up and carry on with the game. unlike those soccer boys, just in one light contact and they're down on the ground, having the referee's attention, time stopped and so on. if u looked at the rugby games and even the womens one, if u're down, the game still goes on. usually, and only unless the ref thinks its serious enough to stop the game and time. if not, the medic will just run in with that magical can of coldspray or deepheat. one push of the nozzle, all's good to go.


that's how our emotions should be as well isn't it.
excite it. keep it focused. and when smashed down, just one remedy and we're go to go and complete this race again.

but how often can we find the suitable and effective can of coldspray/deep heat.
how often do we have that self-belief in our capability?



after all these years, really. from the falls and the rises, i realized one thing - keeping it Christ-centred.
i dun mean to be religious here. but if we put ourselves as centre, yes it's gratifying for that moment. once we find it too not-challenging, we move to fighting for others/ for the name/ for the club and so on. then after that, we start to lose the focus because it gets too not-exciting, so we quit and find other things to do. #maslow'shieracrhyofneeds
often than not, we're too focused on the goals that we've set for ourselves that we've forgotten the steps we're taking in the journey. its these wobbily steps that makes our ankles stronger in our pursuit for the distant end. again, cliche but true.






ok. now, how did valentines' day get up to here. HAHHAS.
#girls.
funny how i can write so much, deviate so much and still having the cover letter of my resume as blank. hahas.






ok. time check: 1.45am.
sat, i've got 3 games to play and its alrdy fri tmr! 5 days of no explosive running, tmr i need to do smth.  llooonng wkend of rugby and the Safari-zoo Run on sunday!

CNY 2013

All the busy preparation and stuff... and with a blink of an eye, so fast, in 3 days it's over.

this yr, maybe it's because i'm starting to grow up, i'm starting to value the family more. also maybe partially due to the fact that mother poon went over to the boy's house for a month to take care of him.

took more photos.

and also went to Chinatown on CNY eve! finally a Singaporean.

fri was half day!

and it started pouring the moment we started to leave school.

so went to work for awhile before heading down to punggol for some futsal with some of the classmates and schoolmates. 

hahas. i dun play soccer.. but it was quite a fun recreational time with students from other class. there's werent any girls. ): grace was supposed to come and acc kevin and i, but she didnt! ahhas. i probably malu-ed myself. nonetheless, it was some good short running. and my first time playing cage soccer!

and so, the next day CNY eve.. 

it was a Saturday. so rare that there was nothing on. coz all the trngs/ matches were cancelled. (:

so went marketing with mother poon.

everything was like gone. shengsiong wanted to close at 3pm, so everything was wiped out... prices were slashed till like 6-7 broccolis in a packet cost $2.50?! hahas. prelude to the end of the world, Singapore-style.

NTUC still the best and remained the most controlled.

flowers for dad. chose his fav blue roses. and for a 2nd colour, mum wanted white, but i wanted red coz it was nicer and suited cny anyways. ahhas.

and then it was Prospertiy Double Beef meal at bedok macs with mum. half half. cny indeed. burger tasted better when u share it with another <3 p="" person.="">

ahhahahs. yea. 

and the old collegues got to meet my mum. hahas. and some of the riders still chiong-ing hard before they end the day early for the reunion dinner.

The annual Reunion dinner. mother poon's side always.

we're a very typical chinese 1970s-ish family. singapore-ish. very dialect. super hawkers. no English.

i mean, my uncle's probably 70+ and lived through world war II. the family sold fishball noodles. somewhere at Balastier if i rmbr correctly. they're good and it made it popular and well-known. i dun exactly know the details. to me, when i'm at their house, its always 1960s 1970s mode, feelin' all the brown background/atmosphere and all. ahahhas. when i was younger, it was a regular thing to be at their place on Sundays.

steamboat was goooood.

crabs. prawns. sotong. and even abalone and scallops. dun really like abalone, but atas enough for a mention. ahhahahs. so shiok. rainy + warm steamboat.

after dinner, mother poon, feeling all energetic suggested to go Chinatown for the countdown.

hahahas. took a bus down from bukit ho swee. and managed to reach a good spot by 11:50pm. what a good timing. ahhas. first time in my life, Chinatown on CNY eve. 

epic i tell u.

but it wasn't as crowded as i expected it to be. perhaps Singaporeans are more personal-space-aware.

good to see ppl of different races feelin' all happy and in festive mood.

paid attention to the back-end operations as well. hahahs.
coz we took some short cuts to avoid some congested streets.

walked around.

and as CNY was alrdy ON, ppl were trying to get rid all of their old stocks. especially the goodies.

bro-in-law and i bought 7 phone covers in total. buy 5 get 2 free. 1 for $2. ahhahs. bought an iphone 4 cover that orginally cost $19.90, also duno for what. HAHAHS. i guess i can sell it for $15 online, but its either i do it fast and now before the technology starts moving.

and omg. the sweets. 

i dun like sweets. neither do my family members. but we bought 2 plastic bags full. 1 bag probably weighs about 3kg? idk. ahhas. but its those $5.90 for 250g kind. HAHAHS. omg. so in total, we paid like $10 for 6kg. HAHAHASH. crazy. photo was taken at around 2:30am.

actually we dont need or want them. according to mother poon "just for the fun of it".

yea. and to get to the candies, had to like chiong in. like physically banging ur way in. all the aunties and uncles should join rugby. coz its really like SHOULDERS IN can. 

but it was fun. hahahahas. abit lazy to upload the crazy sg-unglam vids.

so what am i gg to do with the sweets? put them in pantry in sch. ahhas.

and so...

Sunday, CNY day 1.

woke up at 12pm from last night's war. woke up to a thunderstorm.

it RAINNNNED so bad, that plans got cancelled. 

it was just mother poon and i for the visiting... i mean, since my sis got married out, she had her own family in that sense. so in the end, following the family tradition, we just went to the uncle's place again. i think in total, mum got like 6 brothers or smth, some died or smth.. this one is the eldest one... so #1 respect.

(:

and so...

Monday, CNY day 2.

the rest of mother poon's side of the family came over for dinner.
annually, it was mother poon to live in the moment, whipping out all her skill-ed cooking kungfu.

fitting 21 ppl in my 4-room HDB flat. #challengeaccepted.
and with the kids running around, and using up precious floor space for their makeshift kitchen.... i just sat at one corner most of the time. hahas.

this yr was 'simpler' according to her (idk how does cooking curry from scratch sounds simplier)
curry
potato mushoom carrot soup (esp for the kids)
her famous grilled chicked
veg with dried prawns and scallops (i got from hk)
steamed cny fish
her famous fried bee hoon (so famous that ppl in church wanna pay her to cook for them)
yea.

 the legendary CNY fish. always fat and sweet during this season, hence its name.

(:

my fav humble fish, best with blacksauce and porridge.

i rmbr coming home for lunch after morning session in pri sch for this.

those were the simpler days.

CNY day 3, 3rd day waking up purely to when my body decides and not by any alarm or activated bio clock.

same scenario.. RAINNNEDD.
but the visitation must go on. hahas. but we chop chop
so it was mother poon and i to....
. 2nd uncle's place at Eunos Cresent
. chor chor house (fathers side) at Chuan Garden
. 4th uncle (i think) somewhere beside tiong bahru plaza
. then back at 1st uncle's place at bukit ho swee.
hahas i think total cab far could hit over $30.


and so, i couldn't go trng... (it was a must-have trng, coz sat's the game and we've got 2 trngs cancelled alrdy!)
nor kok's house to meet some of the ruggers for cny.






yup. that was my CNY.
and thank God, today no school for my class. spent my time doing up my resume. left with a good write up which idk how to begin with.
since i've started with an engineering industry, ahahs, my command of language has gone down and my writing style has probably changed. not so bold and daring when dealing with official english stuff now. hahahs.



yea. and so 5 days, no running for me. with all the eating.. tmr back at trng... ho ho ho. ahhas.
my start psyching up myself. ahahhas.


this yr, didnt spend much time with my friends.
but it's next 2 wkends are jam-packed with missed our dinner dates!
looking forward to meeting long lost friends man. its been tooo long.



and so, hope this CNY is a 2nd chance for those who hasn't got their new yr resolutions kicked in. as for me, i dun really know whats going on wrt to certain issues, but to end it, it would just ease things out a little. sad yes. painful yes. brutal yes. and of course its at an expense, an opportunity cost.. but sacrifices are inevitable arent they.

well, tmr's Valentines' Day, and i'm glad that it falls on a training day. at least i've got a legitimate excuse for everything.







(: 
keepin' it cool

no #ootd for me

.its CNY day 2 today. 

so fast its gonna be over.

and feb would be gone before u know it.

well, last night, i dreamt that i had a part to play in putting out a carpark fire.

was some how assisting the firefighers as a civilian.

felt good and it was really the kinda stuff that i wanted to do.

how many fires can we put out?

this post is not gonna be about all the :D of CNY though i really have had a good 3 days of catching up with the family time missed. (next post!)

just needa dig out and vomit all the knots out for awhile.

over these few days,

been feeling quite dry and empty. though its the assumed family warmth all around, the rain storm was merciless. on all 3 days.

again, tumblr at its best.

i guess after all, i'm still pretty much a girl with very frail girlish thoughts after all. 

complicated. 

contradictory. 

complex.

so much so that some times, the best action is just no action at all. i mean, no action is an action in itself, but at least it reduces some sort of perceived risk i guess.

though its all peaceful on the outside, it's screaming with its fingernails scratching against the coarse walls on the inside. it's like trying to find an anti-biotic to treat an anti-biotic resistant bacteria inside.

nothing u do can remove the stain. not even the toughest bleach with ur hardest scrub.

feelin' bloody metaphoric now.

i dont seem to learn. to grow. to get out.

i accidentally tie myself up, take a leap, and then complain that i'm breathless.

we pre-empt, not expect, but we dont eventually accept.

the effort. the thought. the planning. the courage.

.

.

.

.

.

.

and then when i finally bop up to start and take a breath, breaking the superficial tension of the water and in hope to salvage anything worth salvaging, it hits me back down. straight down. 

that all too familiar crude practicality. still brutal. still effective.

still misunderstood.

maybe its not worth it after all.

it's like peeling off the soiled plaster, checking to see if the wound under is ok. and instead of changing it to a clean plaster upon realizing that the wound was never healed, u splat some salt on it, and force the old plaster down, rubbing it down hard and forcing it till it stick against ur skin again.

it hurts. and it hurts bad. right straight through.

to a point where u're reminded that ur bone is very much in existence. feeling it. still strong. still solid. and still holding everything up.

stabbed. remove the dagger and stab it back pls. tyvm.

repeat, and do it from the back this time. 

maybe that's how it should be anyway.

well, i asked for it right. that's how it is right.

i should not take any more steps to further complicate it any more.

i've done my damage. received my deserved hurt. 

now, run away like a damaged vandalizing teenager.

. almost retaliated in much self-defense with the classic two-word vulgarity, but its not worth it i keep my cool. it's going to get misinterpreted and misunderstood anyway since i've got a seemingly flamboyant attitude. nothings changed after all these while

life is all about perception and judgement isn't it. so what if its misconceptualized? who cares.

/in the recent movie Ah Boys to Men 2.. the example they gave about country A and country B at war. one fights, the other fights back and it the end, though there's a victor, the outcome is still a sufferable loss on both sides. so the solution: dont do anything.

ok. i retreat.

and i'm going to lock all that's left up coz i'm not letting my remaining flowers get trampled on again.

but how long.

for the last 6 yrs, it had been nothing but drought. and when the rain came along, it came down too hard. so much so that i'm drowning.

i.give.up.

good night.