You know when i blog through my phone means it compellingly urgent. In episodes.
I honestly enjoy being single and never thought that anyone could walk into my broken life and stay in it for a relatively long moment. Forever is too strong a word / expectation in this cruel world, but u somehow managed to alter all of my comfort zones into more comfortable zones? Idk. I still want to lead my independent life and having no one to be accountable to (except mothet poon) but it seems that I would want to tell u everything abt my life. It seems like u've robbed my independence and i'm actually naturally trying to be ok with that like as if i dont mind? Is this what it means to have the lock and key to my heart? Eh. Simi sai.
When i was young, i never thought tt "relationship can come later, focus on your exams first" was an issue because i nv knew how 1 person could occupy so much space in ur mind, least to say ur heart. Ive got so much analogue circuits to learn abt, to explore, understand and hence aim to ace my exams, but it seems like ur the motherboard of all those ic chips and im so lost with which circuit i was suppose to deal with.
I've been subtly self-conscious to ppl whom matter alot to me, especially with how i look first thing in the morng. I mean, i wouldnt care if its with my adventure friends, bros and all; and I would care alot if that person's opinion of me means alot to me, so doesnt that equate to u? However, that very morng, i just wished that u are the view my eyes get to when i first wake, regardless of how horribliy tired i'd look because of all that's happening this month. Freaking cliche and ironic, but as much as u mean so much to me, i couldnt care of how i'd look infront of you. Not sure what tt really means, but perhaps i just want u to love me in my raw form and vice versa. Besides, i dont dress up so perhaps its not much of a diff. Hahas.
Even when we quarrel, when we're angry and dont agree given our strong characters; I find myself being more angry at myselt for making u feel all these negative emotions. Usually, i'd argue for the things i want, but i find myself givng in, unwillingly though; but i guess more naturally willingly because in love. I guess thats what it means tt love holds no boundaries. I know my issues and weaknesses and may tend to fight for what i want and what I believe in; so its probably quite surprising that im willing to work out of my ways for u. Hahas. Tbh, im not sure if its a good thing altogether coz i dont want to lose myself whilst getting too lost in you. It doesnt make sense, ok it doesnt have to, but perhaps i shld still retain some dignity or whatever u call it. U make me feel out of place, but somehow in place.
Im still afraid and aware of my fears and residing issues coz I know i can never be good enough. Its not abt any comparison to anything or anyone but I really hope to be the best for u, and more imptly to bring out the best in you.
These are probably the issues that i run from and ironically push me to live a life / or find peace in solidarity, but they are very well the issues that have sustained me thus far. Even with u, i'm still afraid, but its more of the fear of losing u. But if ever i should lose u to someone who can make u happier, i would be happier as well.
These are probably the issues that i run from and ironically push me to live a life / or find peace in solidarity, but they are very well the issues that have sustained me thus far. Even with u, i'm still afraid, but its more of the fear of losing u. But if ever i should lose u to someone who can make u happier, i would be happier as well.
Saying goodbyes are generallly never easy whichever the case; but its not like we're gonna part forever and ever since there's still the many tomorrows that we've got together. So it was really lame that such magnitude of turmoils in my heart could exist till tears could actually flow from my pragmatic eyes. I could actually feel a physical crumpling feeling of the heart that's supposedly been strengthened after all brutal whiplashes. So this is terribly unacceptable for me. Too clingy. Too girly. What have u freakin done to me.
And all of a sudden, my hopes and dreams became urs. It shouldn't be realistic especially knowing I am an independant thinker who can be focus in what i want. But suddenly, it doesnt seem to matter coz u matter. Does this mean you mean the world to me? Cant believe ive just said tt. Didnt expect anyone in this world to have such an effect on me and i never knew a side like this could exist in the midst of all the trials and brokenness.
When they say 'love is blind', i didnt quite get that coz I believed that it is our principles that guide us and our selfish hearts could probably protect us in some sense. Until i met you, I realized that what could protect my heart was you, and in everything tt i thought about and do, it was for you and with u, disregarding any personal gains because you matter most.
So is this love?
